Simone Biles: “I thought America hated me”

In short

Call Her Daddy - Episode Summary: Simone Biles: “I thought America hated me”

Episode Overview In this insightful episode, Alex Cooper interviews Olympic gold medalist Simone Biles in Houston. Biles discusses her experiences during the Tokyo Olympics, her mental health struggles, her journey from foster care to becoming a champion, and her relationship with NFL player Jonathan Owens. This candid conversation sheds light on the pressures athletes face and the importance of mental health advocacy.

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Key Topics Discussed

Introduction

Alex Cooper expresses excitement about interviewing Simone, highlighting their prior interactions.
Simone reflects on the support she received from her adoptive parents throughout her gymnastics career.

Early Life and Adoption

Foster Care Background: Simone entered foster care at age three due to parental drug and alcohol abuse.
Adoption: At six, she was adopted by her grandparents, who provided unwavering support.
Impact on Life: Discusses the significance of her adoption and its influence on her trajectory in life and sport.

Journey to Gymnastics

Entry into Gymnastics: Biles discovered gymnastics during a daycare field trip and quickly excelled.
Talent Recognition: Coaches noted her exceptional athletic ability, indicating her body was built for gymnastics.
Early Challenges: Despite her talent, Biles experienced bullying for her height and struggled with self-image.

Pressure and Mental Health

Olympic Experience: Reflecting on the immense pressure during the Tokyo Olympics, Biles discusses her mental health struggles, including depression and anxiety.
The Twisties: She describes a phenomenon where gymnasts lose their sense of spatial awareness, leading to dangerous situations.
Withdrawal from Events: Biles made the difficult decision to withdraw from team events to prioritize her mental health, fearing for her safety.

Advocacy and Healing

Speaking Out: Biles opens up about the abuse she endured from the USA Gymnastics physician and the importance of addressing mental health issues.
Therapy and Support: She emphasizes the need for therapy and support systems and shares her ongoing journey of healing.
Striving for Balance: Biles discusses the importance of maintaining a balance between her athletic career and personal life.

Relationship with Jonathan Owens

Meeting Jonathan: Biles shares how she met NFL player Jonathan Owens on a dating app, Raya.
Viral Interview Incident: Biles addresses Owens’ viral interview where he claimed not to know who she was, discussing how it affected her.
Married Life: She shares insights about their marriage, long-distance challenges, and how they support each other.

Looking Ahead

Paris Olympics: Biles hints at her desire to compete in the upcoming Paris Olympics and discusses her approach towards training and mental preparation.
Legacy: She hopes to be remembered as an advocate for mental health and a symbol of resilience in sports.

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Key Takeaways

Resilience: Biles' journey illustrates the importance of resilience and the need for mental health advocacy in sports.
The Reality of Fame: The pressures athletes face can be overwhelming, and not all struggles are visible to the public.
Support Systems: Emphasizes the significance of having a solid support system, including family and therapy, for mental health.
Empowerment: Biles’ story encourages others to speak out about their struggles and to not shy away from seeking help.

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Conclusion In this episode of "Call Her Daddy," Simone Biles candidly shares her journey through adversity, triumph, and personal growth. Her story serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of mental health and the strength it takes to confront challenges both on and off the field.

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Transcript

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0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy. Oh my God! Where are you? Dude, finally. Thank you for coming. I'm gonna go finish my shower. Yes, go, go. Good seeing you. This is insane. Oh my God. Oh my God. Gorgeous. Woo!

0:53Simone Biles, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

0:58I feel like we've been waiting for this for so long. Okay, we need to tell the daddy gang the story. So I would say like, I don't know, maybe like a couple years ago, we I don't I don't remember who DM'd who no I remember you tagged me in a story that you were watching Call Her Daddy and I lost my mind because I was like wait she listens like and then I started pressuring I'm like oh my god I need to like do better like I need to impress Simone like but it was such a cool full circle moment that we started DMing we had this like DMing relationship here and there and then when NBC and I started working together for the Olympics I remember we sat down and they were like okay like what person do you want to interview and immediately i was like simone and like of course they're like lol like that's so cute like yeah of course everyone wants to interview simone i'm like no like i need to interview her and they're like do you know her and i'm like kind of yeah like we're pen pals like that yeah and now we're finally here thank god it's it's perfect yes okay so we were just at your parents gym watching from previous documentaries that you've done to watching it all get built to you now, like having your own gym and how supportive your parents have been.

2:08Like, what does that support mean to you? For me, it means the world because being adopted since I was six years old to now, it's been a long road and journey, like career-wise and just like who Simone is instead of Simone Biles. So it's been a long journey, but their support means the world to me. They've never really missed a competition, anything besides 2020 olympics 2021 whatever we want to call it that's the only thing they missed because they weren't allowed to go because of covid um but other than that they've supported everything that i've ever wanted to do all of that stuff since i was a young girl when you say the word simone biles to the world i think everyone immediately thinks olympian the goat yeah and i think there's like a lot of people that probably don't know where you came from and the backstory of like your life hasn't always just been this picture perfect situation.

3:02When you were three, you went into foster care. Yes. Can you share just a little bit like what was going on at home that led to that? I was only three years old. So I learned that a little bit whenever I was older, but drug and alcohol abuse. And so I just don't think that she was around too much and people, you know, would call CPS or see us out and about. So that's kind of what happened. And that's when foster care came and got us and placed us into a foster home. And so the only thing that I remember was just being anxious when we would go to sleep because my brother was in the room next door.

3:36And I think we were just always used to sleeping together or close or whatever because he's not that much older. And mind you, we were three. And so I just had anxiety problems. So we were in a girl's room. They had girl's rooms and boy's rooms. and from my knowledge that sometimes during the night or during the day, they would take kids out and replace them into a different home. And that's usually how siblings were separated. So I was just so terrified that if I woke up, my brother wouldn't be there. Even though I was with my sister, I was like, oh, we all have to stay together, kind of that thing, even from a young age.

4:10So I'd always sneak in and go sleep with him because I'm like, oh, this is my brother, you know, because I didn't understand the separation whenever at nighttime. Fast forward a couple years later, I was at gym, and I knew I was adopted. From the moment we were adopted, my family told us, you guys are adopted. And I was like, cool, okay. Right. Great. Like, I don't know what that means. And then they had asked us if we wanted to call them mom and dad. And from my knowledge, I was like, perfect. Like, why wouldn't I? And so it was just super strange to me because I remember this day at gym. We were talking about our families, and they had said something.

4:46and I was like, oh, well, I'm adopted. And it felt like everything in the room in the gym stopped. And they were like, what, you're adopted? Because that was not to their knowledge. And I was like, why is everyone freaking out? And so I was like, well, you know, my parents, those are my grandparents. My uncles that I call my brother now, those were my uncles. And so I just remember we all sat on the floor, practice stopped because everybody needed to know the story. Like the coaches were intrigued, everybody. They were like, you're adopted? And I was just kind of like, well, yeah, aren't you? Where'd you come from?

5:22I was like so confused. Right, it was normal for you. When they say the stork brings the babies, I'm like, how did you get here? Stop. I'm like, you weren't picked. Like you weren't in a house and then you were picked. You weren't adopted. So like that was shocking to me. Did your parents ever talk to you about your biological parents? kind of funny because no because i just i'm not sure the relationship maybe because we didn't ask either um but we knew who it was as we got older um shannon and that's kind of what we just addressed her as but i knew once i got older that that's my dad's daughter and then that's also crazy explaining to people because i'm like my biological mom is also my dad's daughter and i call him dad So it's just like everybody's hella confused.

6:11It's a whole family tree that you're like, don't make me explain it. My parents are my parents. I got chosen. Feeling blessed. Let's move on. Literally. I'm like, if you think too hard, it just gets jumbled. So your grandparents adopted you at six. Yes. And now they're your parents. Yes. Boom. How do you think that did change, though, like the trajectory of your life? Everything. I have no idea where I would be without being adopted. unfortunately I might end up the same statistic that other foster kids unfortunately end up and you know at 18 years old you get kicked out of a foster home so then you have you're homeless right if you don't get into college and stuff which most people don't graduate high school you're on the street so like I fear for what my life would have looked like wow I mean it's it's incredible to see what you have all built together as a family um I love how in the beginning you just quickly are And then when I'm at the gym, back up.

7:08Okay. You are the greatest of all time. Yes. Let's talk about when you first got into gymnastics. Like, do you remember? Did you just think of it as a hobby? Were you passionate about it? Like, how did you get into gymnastics? We got into gymnastics. I say we as me and my sister from a daycare field trip. Again, I believe everything happens for a reason. And this day, we're here in Texas, if nobody knows. We're here in Texas. We were supposed to go on a field trip to the oil ranch. Like, how country, how Texas is that? Okay. And then we wind up at the gym. And it's because it was storming that day.

7:40So they're like, that's an outside activity. Where are we going to take the kids? And so I feel like God was like, take the kids to the gym and see what happens. And so we end up at the gym. And I see these girls. And mind you, I've never seen gymnastics in my life. They're flipping around all of the things. And me, six years old, I'm like, I could do that. Like, not knowing. I just, like, feel like I could do that. And I'm watching them. I'm super intrigued. Somebody does something. I do something and then the coaches look over and they're like, can you do that again? Like, what did you just do?

8:09Have you ever been to gymnastics? It's like, no, this is my first time. And I did it again. And they're looking at my, like my body build. And if I show you pictures whenever I was younger, like I was built, like I was ripped for no reason. Just, that's just how I was built. And so they were like, you've never done a sport. You, your body stature is like, It's made for gymnastics. And they're like, that's not normal. And so they sent a letter home and I gave it to my parents. My mom saw it and she was like, okay, do you want to do the one with the four events or do you want to do tumbling and then maybe you'll go to cheerleading?

8:42And I was like, I want to do the one with the four events. And that's how I started. It is truly fascinating that like some people you hear that are so great, like Tom Brady, for example. You think of Tom and they're like, oh, he was a little awkward and it's like kind of crazy. that like Tom can even like run the way he can. For you, it's the complete opposite where like you walked into the gym and people were like, who is that girl? And you had never done any of this before because I was going to ask you like, was there ever once you started an aha moment that you were like, holy shit, I'm actually really good at this?

9:16Never for me. Everybody else always saw it. And since I was always the smallest in my class, the shortest, I thought they would always be like, oh my God, she's so good. She's so cute. She has so much talent. I just thought it was like what your grandmother does when she comes around every year like, oh, you look so good. Like, I thought really that's what it was. And I'm like, you're just saying that because I'm so short. So it took a while for me to really like lean into my talent and to realize, oh, my gosh, I could do something or be someone. Because once I started, I did it for fun. Nobody in my family has ever done gymnastics, so they have no idea where the talent came from.

9:52um my my siblings were really good at track but that's kind of it were you in school did people make comments about how short you were like were that you were sure yes because like you could always grow so they were like we're just waiting for her growth spurt which i'm still waiting i tell god like finish it when i'm done with gymnastics so maybe we're not done yet the doctor probably thinks my growth plates are closed but that's a different story i love it But other than that, they all saw it. They would say like they gave me this nickname soldier because my muscles and all of this stuff. And so like one time I beat this kid up on the playground because he said, oh, I bet you can't beat me up.

10:29And I was always the kid that if he said I couldn't do something, I'm doing it. And I think I'm still that way. Like I'm doing it. I was going to say I feel like getting into this sport, any sport at the competitive level that you're dealing with, you have to have such discipline and drive. And I'm wondering, like, where did that come from, this competitiveness in you? I don't know. But if I had to pinpoint, like, my parents were very hard workers. Me and my sister were pretty much always on top of our schoolwork. And we were just kind of self-driven. And I don't know where it came from, but I think it started from my parents, just seeing how hard they work, everything that they've done for us, for our siblings.

11:09um it's kind of something that was a little bit taught in that nature too yeah when you do compete at this level I know that for athletes it's like it's not just you committing your life it's your entire family has to get on board it's a lifestyle change when do you think you guys really all decided like oh as a family we're going for this probably the whole family started making sacrifices when my practices started going late and then dinner time started to change or they would have to leave stuff in the oven or on the stove and they were like okay she's really doing this but none of us knew how far it was going to take us and to end up where we are we just kind of thought like oh she's doing this these flips she likes it she enjoys it as long as she's having a good time we're going to let her continue because my parents were always the first to say if you want to quit Let us know.

12:02We'll pull you out. Because you went to public school until eighth grade, right? Correct. And then you officially did homeschooling starting high school. Did you get to have any, like, typical teenage experiences? Like, did you go to prom? None. The first time I danced with a boy was on Dancing with the Stars with Sasha. And it was after the Olympics. I was, like, 19 years old. I remember he, like, got in my face, grabbed me, and I was like, ah! Like, freaking out. Simone. No. No. Talk about, like, a culture shock. I was about to say the fact, I need to hear if there's anyone in the world that could say that statement.

12:37The first time I ever danced with a boy was on Dancing with the Stars. Literally. Icon. Yeah. Icon. Like, it's giving, like, only you. Crazy. Okay, so you never got, did you have sleepovers? Some, but then at that time, we had moved, like, 40 minutes away. So if we ever wanted to have a sleepover, it was more like, your mom drops us off, your dad brings her, because, like, the distance. So other than that, we'd have some best friends come sleepover. But then it was kind of like, okay, if you stay around Friday, you're not leaving until Sunday. So we had sleepovers. But then again, it started turning into, sorry, I have practice on Saturday.

13:11So then go to the gym, we'll drop you off. That sort of thing. It's like your life revolved around it. Everything revolved around gymnastics. And if people don't play sports, like I look back, I'm like, okay, can I relate to that? I'm like, yeah, growing up, most of my friends were just soccer friends. Because you're just kind of becoming a family and they're like your sisters. I think in middle school, that's when the insecurities started and I kind of became a shell of myself. But I feel like nobody really understood why I was like racing to my locker to get my gym equipment. And then like at the time, our housekeeper would take me to practice and all of this stuff.

13:47So nothing I did at that point was relatable. And it was very hard to not make friends, but to just keep them up because I couldn't hang out with them on the weekends. I couldn't go to Friday Night Live. I couldn't do anything. On the weekends, I was going to a gymnastics meet. I was doing this, that, the other. So to me, it was like, let me get my schoolwork done. I have like three friends, like at the loser table. Like, and I'll do my stuff at the gym. And yeah, it was really hard to relate because they're doing who knows what. And like. They're like texting boys on AIM and you're like in the gym.

14:19I don't know what that is. The only boy I know is Jim. No, literally. And did you resent it at all? Like, did you ever be like, why am I doing this? Like, why am I doing this to myself? At that point, no, because I still love to do it. And I had all my friends at the gym. And that's kind of all I needed at that point. But going into high school, I was like mad at my parents. Like, mad as hell. Like, you figure it out why I can't do school and gym. Like, you figure it out. Like, some of my friends could do it because their states allowed that. And that's at the time I started doing national team camps.

14:54And we missed so much school. So I didn't have a choice, but like California, as long as you did your schoolwork, and I can't speak on the rules of the laws now, but it's just how it was back then. They could miss, however, as long as they got their schoolwork done out of it. But Texas law states, you can only miss X amount before they fail you, even if you do your schoolwork. So that just wasn't an option for us. And it's not like we were ever going to move or do anything because like Texas has kind of the best gymnastics. And that's what it was. But I wanted to go to the football games. I wanted to go to the school dances.

15:28I wanted to. But it was okay that I didn't because I knew I wasn't confident enough in my body to show my muscles. Because at that time, I wore a lot of hoodies. And I didn't want my muscles to show because then at that point, I'm stronger than all the boys. Because they haven't bulked up yet. And I'm just like, hey. Nobody really understood. So it was okay. Right. I get what you're saying. It's almost like it was okay for you to escape to the gym. Yes. Because you felt more confident there. And everybody had muscles and we all looked the same. I do remember one of my friends snuck me into high school one day and I got to go around with her to each class.

16:04And I thought that was the best day ever. I was like, I'm in high school. And her teachers just played along with it. They were like, if the principal catches us, who knows what we'll do. But I did a whole entire day with her and that was so cool. Well, it's incredible to look back. And as much as you sacrificed, the sacrifice has clearly paid off. because when you were 16 is when your winning streak just really began. You won three consecutive world championships, and then you went on to dominate, dominate the Rio Olympics. When you look back at that time of your life, like, what does that success mean to you?

16:40Well, to me, I thought that's kind of where it ended. And I was like, oh, my gosh, how have I reached my greatest achievement in life at 19? And I was scared for the rest of my life. Like, how can I beat this? How can I top this? What the heck am I going to do? I won the Olympics at 19. Like, it's going to be a shithole from here on out. We're going downhill. No, literally. Because most people don't get to go to more than one Olympics or do those things. So at one point, I was like, I did it. This is my greatest. Like, this is the greatest thing that I wanted to achieve in my life. And then I was like, I did it at 19.

17:20You almost like were excited for two seconds to then be like, can I even actually enjoy this? Because does this mean it's over? Yes. And so I was scared. But at that time, you couldn't really tell me anything because I was like, oh, my gosh. I did it. And I knew as soon as that happens, we've watched previous Olympics. So we know how their lives change after that. So I knew it was going to be different. But I knew it was going to be different. Every day at the Olympics, my followers go up 10 ,000. and then I had a million. And then I was like, what the heck is happening and why are people following me?

17:53I was like, at that point I was like, yes, this is my greatest achievement because I've been vying for this since I was six years old per se. But then I was like, but y 'all haven't watched the come up. So why do you care? Like, this is my greatest achievement. Cool. So it was kind of weird to me that people were following me because I had won the Olympics because to me, that was the biggest thing. But I was like, how's that the biggest thing for you to follow me? because I won this. It was kind of weird. And then I was like, okay, I really need to find out who I am without gymnastics because I didn't think I was going to do it again.

18:24When the rise really started, like I think about the pressure that people put on you. It's like, oh my God, you're so great. We all are looking at you. You're Simone Biles. You just did the Olympics. You're thriving. You're getting gold. Like, did you ever feel like you weren't allowed to have moments of weakness? A lot of the time because on a lot of the teams, like a lot of the girls looked up to me. So I felt like I was that strong person that everybody was like, oh my God, Simone's so strong. She has a strong personality. If you had something to describe me as, strong went before that word.

19:02So I felt like I could never show a sign of weakness, but I just always felt like I was the strong one for my friends, the strong ones for my family, the strong ones. so it was just kind of like I got to a point where it was so hard for me to cry or show emotion but I also think that came from gymnastics it's like throw all that out the window work on what you need to work on and then outside of the gym whatever happens happens um so yeah it was weird different difficult um but at that point again I'm only 19 years old well that's what I was gonna say though someone like when you're saying like I had to be strong like I'm technically like the older one at the gym I've now gone to the Olympics like I know what I'm doing like you're strong for your family like who did you like go to to say like hey like yeah I'm I'm stressed I have all these followers I have the world start like a lot of the time if it wasn't my sister because we're very very very close if it wasn't her silent cries I didn't like to see anybody like I didn't want anybody to ever see me cry why because I didn't want them to show or see that I was a sign of weakness.

20:09So it was a lot of silent nights where I would cry because even after the Olympics, I went home and like we went on tour and stuff, but there would be a lot of times where I felt so alone because like how many kids can relate? 19 years old, you won the Olympics and then you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I'm still learning. It's just like now I'm a celebrity. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know if I can do this again. Everybody's cheering me on. It's just like it was an overnight sensation, so to speak, even though like people that watch gymnastics watch for the four years prior watch my whole entire career.

20:45But to just be like thrown out there, I was kind of confused. But then somebody told me it was lonely at the top. And so I would relay that message in my head. And it was like positive sometimes. Like, yeah, it's lonely at the top. And then other times it was like it felt hard and heavy. Right. You're like, I don't know if I want to be at the top if it's this lonely, like if it's this isolating. Because I'm only 19. So we wanted our lives to be as normal as possible. And so I think that's why I'm so grounded with my family and all because we never wanted it to take over because we've seen how that can happen.

21:20But again, I was just a kid. I was homeschooled. I didn't have much. It's like – Well, as I'm listening to you talk about this too, it's like there's so much pressure that is put on young athletes. then when you are the star athlete at a young age there's more pressure to like grow up and become an adult soon because everyone's everything's riding on you it feels like and you're under a microscope yeah and then you have the press looking at you and and fans and you're like now I need to become media trained and now I need to learn how to like like know how to just handle myself again at 19 years old and something that I'm realizing you're saying talking about how you had to bear a lot of this on your own with all of your success then there was behind the scenes so much fucking going on yeah and in 2018 you spoke out about the abuse that you endured from the usa gymnastics physician yeah i'm so curious simone like can you talk about your decision to open up about that the main reason i did that is because a lot of people follow me a lot of people go on my platforms.

22:30And I've always been an open and honest book from the very beginning. And I've always decided I'm not going to let anything ever change me because this is who I am. So take it or leave it. But I've always been an open book. Like I was talking to my friend the other day and she was like, I met you in three minutes. We went from talking about this to like deep stuff. And it's just like a lot of people when they meet me, they can feel that. But it's after that, I decided to speak out because I know it could help a lot of people. So if I could shine a light on whatever that is, then I'm going to do that.

23:04But I wanted to be in a good enough place and to have the proper help lined up before I spoke out because that stuff was so traumatizing. And I truly don't understand how I did what I did under those circumstances and how I put on a face. But, you know at some point as an athlete you are an athlete so you understand it's like we normalize a lot of stuff but then we push off emotions it's like we do so much it's this like you can create this like false narrative in your head of what you should endure and what's normal and it's and that's all you know it's that's all we knew so we thought it was normal because we're all homeschooled there together right it's like right you're all going through the same thing yeah so if we're talking to each other and if this is happening to you this is happening to you okay right cool it's normalized what we're talking about also is like there's so many different forms of abuse but like the abuse of power yeah is it's such a tricky situation and we see it so often but like you we're having a conversation about one someone that you were told to trust but also by an organization that was supposed to protect you and foster your career.

24:18And so there's so much, yes, abuse mentally, physically, emotionally. But like I'm curious because I think sometimes when people look at you, it's like Simone Biles, like the face of mental health, and she's the best in this. But it's like on the real day-to-day, like this shit is fucking awful to go through. And people weren't with you on the day-to-day. Once you decided to speak out about this, Like, how did processing this trauma show up in your day-to-day life? Well, at that point, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And I kind of knew I was depressed. But I hid it so well because I train 34 hours a week.

25:02So what do I always do whenever I'm at home? I'm in my room laying down, resting, resting, resting. but I knew this resting was very different. Like it was hard to get out of bed. It was hard to do anything. It felt like everything felt heavy in the end of the world. And again, a lot of sleepless crying nights, like why me? Because I, it's just like, and then you kind of play victim. And then it seems like, again, nobody can relate to you. Nobody's listening. Nobody is. I trusted this person this that the other so it just felt very I wouldn't even say dehumanizing but it felt like I held a lot of the guilt that wasn't mine to hold the fucking worst yes and I think that was the hardest for me to process and I learned through therapy like yes this is not my guilt to hold but to convince myself that because it's easier said than done totally but to convince myself that it was really, really hard.

25:59And I think I'm still working on that in therapy. Like it's gotten a lot better and I feel comfortable and now I can have conversations and stuff like that. But yeah, I have good days. I have bad days, but I also know that that doesn't define me. It does not define you at all. It's an experience you went through. I do think it's unfortunate how so few people understand though, like this, this is something that is a part of you for the rest of your life. It doesn't define you. But when people are like, okay, like it's never over. Yes. And that's, I think as an athlete, that was the hardest thing for me to process too, because you know, if you get injured, you go to the doctor and they're like, okay, three to six months or three weeks or whatever.

26:46And this is like years. And I'm like, why do I not feel better? Like if a doctor could sit down and tell me I'd be great. Cause I thought like, oh three to six months three to six weeks it's like we're always on timeline with injuries so whenever it's a mental injury or a physical injury that you're going through like that with depression and anxiety and nobody can give you a timeline it feels like it's never ending and i was like i just don't understand i should be fine by now and doesn't it bring up sometimes like there's shame that comes with it you're like why the fuck is yes because it's like i'm not gonna want to be in 10 years talking about this and somebody's gonna be like god here she goes again but it's like but i do think you talking about it and that's why i think it's really important how you said this does not define you but this is it's also important to show people when people are like that's so sad that happened to someone and then they move on with their lives yeah this is something that stays with people forever yeah and so to neglect the conversation of like acting like it didn't happen it did and you are who you are but it's a piece of you and it's a part of you I also think that's such an interesting comparison of like if you mess up your ankle.

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27:57Yeah. It's visible. You can feel it. You can't ignore it. Yes. With trauma emotionally, you can shut that shit down and you can bury it so far. And that's the thing. We're so good at as athletes at doing that too. And my therapist is like, just take it out of the box. Roll it out on the floor. Like, it's fine because we're so good at, like, depressing everything. So it's like, God. So for so long, it's worked until it didn't anymore. And that's what you saw at the Olympics, a big old spill. And I was like, to me, I couldn't understand why that happened either because I'm like, gymnastics, like, what the heck is going on?

28:42Why is this happening? And then my therapist is like, well, we know why it happened. And I still have conversations with her to this day. And I'm like, hey, look, it's Olympic year. Did we figure out why that happened? And she's like, Simone, we figured out why this has happened. I was like, are we sure? Are we sure? Because it can't happen again. Yes, but it's like, it wasn't just a mental injury that happened called the twisties. It's like compressing all of this shit for so many years. it just unfolded right like you can't you can't compress trauma that much longer and and i hate to be the person that blames it on something else because i'd rather blame it on like i have a hang now sorry you can't vault like or whatever it is you're like i wish i could say like yeah like yes and at that point after i came out about it they're like she doesn't want to lose and i was like, first of all, I almost broke my leg, but it's thankfully I didn't break my leg.

29:44And I called my agent and I was like, this is a mental injury that they can't see. Do they want me to wear a helmet? I'm like, because they couldn't see it. So they couldn't relate to it. They couldn't grasp it. It's not something that I could tell them so that they could feel like if I broke my ankle, they'd be like, should I broke my ankle before too? Like, I know how that feels. Of course you can't vault. But for a mental injury, nobody could understand it. So there were so many narratives thrown around, so many different excuses that were pushed onto me. And I think the shittiest part of all at the Olympics, I have very good like senses and I knew something was going to go wrong.

30:26I couldn't pinpoint what it was or when it was going to happen, but I just had this feeling deep down, this is not going to go the way I want it to. And I don't know why, but I have this deep, deep feeling like something's going to happen. To people that, I mean, aren't familiar. Yes. You went to the Tokyo Olympics and I'm curious, like, so you're saying you kind of knew, like, when do you think you knew? Like, where were you mentally going into the Tokyo Olympics? I, I don't know, but I could feel something. And I felt myself besides all the pressure, because we deal with that as elite athletes.

31:03We have different tactics about how we're going to carry ourselves and how we're going to do whatever so that we can still compete to the best of our ability, you know. But there was something that I could feel that was going to be out of my control. And I didn't know when it was going to happen or what was going to happen. But I was like, I just, I felt strange, but I'm not going to tell anybody on the team that. I'm a veteran. It's everyone's first time at the Olympics. Like, they're looking up to me, and I'm guiding them, taking them through the route. But, you know, nothing about the Olympics was normal anyways.

31:35We're having a pandemic. The whole world is shut down. Like, nothing about the Olympic Games was normal. And I feel for those athletes that might not ever be able to go to another Olympic Games because that is not what the Olympics is about. In 2016, it was so much fun. The camaraderie, the team spirit, everybody's rooting for everybody. I feel like that's world peace. Time stops. It doesn't matter what color you are, what religion you are, what you support, what you don't support. Everybody comes together to support their athletes and their country. So it was just very strange, but I could feel something.

32:10Like, the wires weren't connected. Like, the red, the yellow, off. Something was off. And in training up to Tokyo, did you feel that too?

32:22A little bit, but we had been training so hard. and we were we were prepared like we were so prepared I've never been so prepared for an event in my life I'm obviously besides 2016 but this felt like a different kind of prepared um and it felt a little bit more calm isn't that so crazy as I'm listening to you like you're like I'm on the plane ride to Tokyo yeah and I knew like I knew something just like was weird and you didn't know when yeah like that's again like the body just telling you like something ain't right? Simone, we're not good. And you're like, push it down. We are fine. And to me, I was like, it's fine.

33:01Take your medicine. And some of the days we're asking my doctor, I'm going to take two of my pills. I never take two of my pills, but I was like, something's coming up. It feels like I don't know what it is, but like, I cannot control this. It is out of my control. So we're going to control what we can control. Let's take your medicine. Maybe try 20 milligrams. Maybe try this and it was just like it was it was the weirdest experience and whenever I look back at it it doesn't seem real life which maybe is a good thing right you're like it's kind of like it's a good thing till everybody reminds me as I'm sitting here being like so let's talk about the team final in Tokyo yeah I'm curious we know what happened you get lost in the air during your vault and everyone was shocked.

33:48But I'm curious, like, take me to the moment, literally, when you land on the mat, what is going through your mind?

34:13Take me to the moment, literally, when you land on the mat, what is going through your mind? Okay, I'll start from the back of the runway when we're standing there. Let's go back to the runway. So in the back, like, we already knew my gymnastics was kind of janky. Like, in training, I was having twisties already. But I'm trying to push past that. And I would literally tell my teammates, like, I'm fighting demons. I'm fighting demons right now, but I'm going to do it for you guys. Because, like, it was, the cords were not connected. So I literally felt like I was fighting my body in my mind to do these tricks.

34:49So we're trying to do some different things in the back. And I'm like, okay, I can't do a full and off beam. Can I please go back to my double double, which is way harder. But I know if I twist more, it's better for me. So then we go to vault. Vault is feeling a little bit weird in the air and you can see it. Like the girls, we ended on floor because we started on vault out there. So we end on floor. I go to do my first pass and you can see in the air, like you can ask the girls. It's not like my first pass is a triple double. And usually when you do it, you see my regular videos, you see one, you see two, you see three.

35:23This one, it looks like I'm going like this in the air and it doesn't feel comfortable. I have no idea where I am, but I'm twisting, like praying land on my feet. And they're like, that looks jacked up. You can tell all of the gymnasts in there from all of the countries are like, that's jacked up. That looks jacked up. It looks like she's never done this day in her life, but they know it's a twisty. So people were kind of trying not to watch. We get out there on vault and I was like, okay, it's fine. I warmed up everything. Like, it wasn't good, but I did it. And so we get out there on vault and we have a one-touch warm-up.

35:53Go over the table, do a one and a half. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, what was that? And so I'm like, it's fine. And everybody's freaking out. I don't have another touch. So I have to go stand there until it's my turn to salute and go. I don't have another touch. So the girls are like. Can you explain to the people that have no idea what gymnastics is? Like, they're like, what do you mean? Yes, gymnastics, once we go out there, we usually have a one-touch vault. And it is what it is. It's to warm up. You're usually sitting in the back for 40, 45 minutes. Come out. You get one turn to take to warm up your vault to perfection.

36:25And then you sit there and wait until it's your turn to salute. And, hey, I'm at the Olympics. You know, that's your debut before, you know. Yes. And so we go out there. And I do the one and a half. And my teammates are shook. They're like, are you okay? Are you okay? and I'm trying to convince myself I'm okay, so I don't need you asking me if I'm okay. Right. Because I'm okay. Listen, I'm okay. We're great. Like, everything is not okay. Like, literally. And so they're like, you're fine. And I was like, I don't know why I did that. I don't know why. And I knew once I got up there, I'm chalking up.

37:00We can't put Jordan in yet. I have to go. I have to put up a score. No matter what it is over the table, I have to put up a score. So I'm chalking up, and you can see if you watch the video, I'm like, because I have no idea what I'm going to do when I hit that table. And so in my head, I'm standing there and I'm like, I'll just do the double pike, which I haven't warmed up in like four days. And I'm like, if I do a double pike, over rotate it, it's fine. And then I was like, they put up a score for a two and a half. So I have to do a two and a half. And I'm thinking if I do a double back, that's so dangerous.

37:34My coach will kill me. My team will never forgive. and I saluted and I was like, praying to God, because I knew I was going to do a vault, but I didn't know what I was going to do. And I knew I was going to try to do a two and a half, but I didn't know how many twists I was going to make. And I just, because I couldn't twist anymore. It's just like your body, your brain opens up, have no idea where you are. So I open, landed like that. And as soon as I land, I kind of grin and I'm like, and I salute. And I want to run. If I could have gotten a plane and flown home, I would have done it but I just as soon as I landed I was like oh America hates me the world is gonna hate me and I can only see what they're saying on Twitter right now that's that was my first thought I was like holy shit what are they gonna say about me because usually if you go to the Olympics and you flop or whatever it is everybody on their couch eating those little chips right it's like you let the country down oh i was i thought i was gonna be banned from america because that's what they tell you don't come back if it's not gold gold or bust don't come back and i was like i don't thanks can we just pause also like you landing and the first thing that you're thinking should have been thank god i'm alive yeah you can severely hurt yourself in those moments and you understandably because this is such an athlete thing it's like praise everyone get get everything for everyone and just like sacrifice my body at all costs and you land on the mat and you're thinking what is Twitter saying yeah I was like no I'm gonna be one of those videos flops at the Olympics like this is horrible and I knew I couldn't recover and I knew I know how long the twisties takes to get over and I know it's not overnight can you explain also to people that aren't familiar what is the twisties okay if I had to explain it in gymnastics terms it still might not make sense, but it's basically like your mind and your body is at a disconnect.

39:32Your body is going to try to do something and your mind is going to be like, no, you're not doing this. You're going to open out. You're going to do this. But it's the same as if like the best way I could describe it is every day you drive a car. If one day you woke up and you had no idea how to drive a car, your legs are going crazy. You have no control over your body. That's kind of how it feels like you've been doing something for so long and you now no longer have control. Terrifying. It's terrifying because we're in a car without any protection. I am my car. So I would explain it as like the yips in golf or baseball or whatever it is.

40:07I'm not familiar with other sports. So if I'm wrong, correct me. But that's kind of how it feels like. So immediately when you get off the mat, what do you do? I go to tell my coach. And I said, I'm done. I'm not doing anymore. Because if I survive that, I don't know how much else I can survive. Like, I always say I'm a cat with nine lives, but I think that was my ninth. I'm done. And she's like, are you sure? And I was like, yes, Jordan, gear up. You're in. You're doing the rest of the meet. I'm not. Like, I can't do it. And are you, like, internally freaking out, but you're coming off just, like.

40:40Internally, but I didn't want to freak out in front of the girls. Got it. So I kept, like, as composed as I could have. And I was like, you guys got this. And then they just went. We went to the back just to get evaluated, like, mentally and physically. but we also didn't want to, I didn't want to scare the girls. So I was like, can we please go? And there's cameras, all the cameras rush over. And I was just like, because I know what happened, but I also don't know what happened and why it happened. So we just went in the back, the girls are gearing up for bars. I come back out and I was like, you guys got this, you'll be fine.

41:12Trust me. And they were like, no, we can't do this without you. We're not going to win anymore. They're freaking out because they also know what Twitter is going to say if US doesn't win. And I was like, don't worry about it. You guys are here because you're the best in the world and you will be like, go out there and do your job. But I think it was really hard on them because mentally they lost their best player, the veteran. Like I think it was really hard on them. So that's something that I'll never forgive myself for, for that whole entire experience, because I wish I could have been in there with them in a way that I was supposed to physically putting up team scores, putting them.

41:47But after that, I became their loudest and best cheerleader. but I just wish it would have been contributing the way that it was supposed to happen. I think that's so hard. When you're an athlete, you understand that moment where you're like, you logically know there was nothing else you could have done. Nothing. But your brain is illogical when you're in those moments with your teammates where you're like, I will literally die for this team right now. And that's what I was doing. That's what I was putting myself through in the back. And that's why I don't know how I made it that far through warmups, through competing.

42:22I don't know how I landed on my feet. And I think that's what people don't realize is like, that's not the vault that I was supposed to compete. I had a whole nother full twist that I was supposed to compete. So they're like, she didn't want to lose. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not like, my pride is not that big. Like, you know what I'm saying? So at that point, it's like, you know what? I need to take care of myself and I need to do what's right for my team. And yeah, I need to let my pride not get in the way and push through this just to compete, to compete at the Olympics again.

42:53I need to go sit down, take a rest, see what's wrong mentally, and let's figure it out. But let's still give my team a chance of medal contention. Because again, what people also don't realize is if I got hurt on that vault, they couldn't replace me. So if I got hurt, since I'm on every event it's two up two count we would have never won a medal but since what happened happened we went to the back at that point they could rule it as a mental injury and all of that stuff and physical we got to put Jordan in people don't know that what happened in the back did you just try it like what happened doctors came over I had to talk to my family um because they were watching the Olympics and they see me get whisked to the back so they thought I was hurt and I'm I'm like, yeah, I'm hurt.

43:39My heart is broken. Like, everything hurts, but my knees are fine. I'm like, my brain hurts, like, everything. So I called my family, and it's so funny because my sister was sleeping. No. Like, they're talking about the Olympics. Why are you sleeping? But there's a time change, so I get it. But everybody's up in the house cheering for me, Simone gear on. And my sister's like, I think I'll take a nap. I think I'll send this one out. Simone's got it. Should they wake her up? No. She heard the phone ring because I called the home phone. And she said she was sleeping and she felt something was wrong.

44:14She ran to the kitchen and said, I'll answer it. And saw my name on it. Oh, that's freaky. Freaky. And she answered and she said, hello. And as soon as I heard her voice, I just, I lost it. You're crying. I was like, I'm out. I'm done. Like. And she was like, are you okay? And I was like, yeah. Can you hand the phone to mom? Like. Like, mom. Yeah, like, come pick me up. I'm scared. Literally, mom, come pick me up. I'm scared. I'm in Tokyo. And you're back in the United States. What did your mom say? She was like, are you okay? Because that was her main concern. She thought I got hurt. Of course.

44:55And at that point, like, yeah, I wish my toe was sticking on the side of my foot or my knees were cracked or something. Because that would have been easier to explain. It's also just like, as an athlete, you're so right. It's like the feeling of trying. It's we're supposed to be the toughest. Yeah. We're like, you're invincible. What do you mean? We can't see the injury, so you're fine. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, sorry I came here. My brain just decided to have a malfunction and break. Yeah. How do you describe that to people? How do you tweet that one to the world? That's what I'm saying. But then whenever I really talked about it and there were actually a lot of people that understood and we got a lot of positive feedback.

45:34and that's why I was like, you know what? You're not going to put me at the forefront of mental health, but again, if I can be a voice, let's go through this journey together because I know, unfortunately, a lot of us are struggling, but let's walk this journey together and let's go get healthy. Absolutely. What are your parents like on that call? Your mom's checking if you're okay. What is your dad like in those moments? My dad is always so calm and collected, it seems. So he was probably like, oh, is she okay? But probably not even that concerned. And he was probably like, is she okay? Okay.

46:07Okay. Like, I think that's just what he was doing. My mom was like a mess. I could hear her crying and breaking down. And that's what broke me too. It's because also I have so many people who have helped me get to where I was. Yep. And I felt like I didn't just let down myself. I let down that team that was there. I let down America. I let down my trainers. I let down. There were so many people that helped me get there. And that's why every time I get to compete for Team USA or I'm on top of that podium, I'm so grateful. And that medal's not just for me. It's for everybody that has helped me get there.

46:43So it's like at that point, it was really heavy. Because I was like, I couldn't even at that point, I couldn't even look at Laurent. Like Cecile helped me so much, but I couldn't look at Laurent. Why? I felt like I failed him. And I've never said that out loud. And so it's like – and they've helped me get to that point because I never thought I was going to do gymnastics again. And so I felt like I let down Laurent. Now having met him, I get it. Yeah. Like he has such an incredibly high standard for you in the best way. And he's so like fierce and loyal. Yeah, he thinks – he doesn't let – he tries not to let anything get to him.

47:24And I knew that got to him. You ended up participating in the individual beam competition. competition and won a bronze medal flex. How did you know you were okay to compete? I changed my routine because I didn't have to twist. Flipping wasn't necessarily the problem. It was flipping and twisting. And so one of the gyms there let me go train there. And I have like videos from that too. And so they let me change my dismount and I've done a full in for like eight or like seven years or eight years. I hadn't done a double pike in like that long. So going back and trying to control that and I kept over rotating it was insane.

48:05I was so scared because my dismount is typically harder. And so I was like, okay, I can still do beam if we change my dismount and we were able to change it. And at that point I didn't think I was going to medal. I was like, I just want to go out there and compete because this is what I came here to do but how do you even like mentally get yourself together to like after that moment with fault like it was like four days later thank god you could just like chill because I pulled out of every final but every time I pulled out of a final I felt like it like it was another knife like so um I got to do beam and I was really excited and then of course a lot of people hated that well of course she's gonna do it for herself and I was like you don't see me twisting do you still not twisting but um yeah once the score came up I was like oh thank god like made a beam routine and then we saw that I was gonna medal when I hit Cecile and I said what what I'm gonna a bronze and after Rio I got a bronze on beam and I was shunned and people were like throw that medal away you should have got a gold because I did mess up um but we there's no telling what the metal would have been but I did mess up so I ended up with a bronze and so I was scarred from having a bronze medal because I never really talked about my bronze because people made me so ashamed of it in Rio and so whenever I got that bronze you could you couldn't tell me that it was bronze it felt like a gold to me right you're like I'm just happy I got a medal yeah I'm happy I got back out there for people to be like don't come home with that bronze it's like sorry Do you know how to do a cartwheel?

49:44That's what I'm saying. Sorry. Who are you to say don't come home with a bronze? Yeah, it's crazy. I'll walk my ass back into America and happily raise it around. I'll take a bronze. Yeah. So it's just like from one spectrum to the other, from having a real bronze to a Tokyo bronze, it's like polar opposites. Like I'm swinging that thing around. People are like, you know that's a bronze. I'm like, ah! I'm like. We got it. Let's go. Yeah, but you couldn't tell me that it was bronze. Because you got it. Yeah. Like, God bless. Okay, take me to the plane ride. I'm picturing you. You're, like, getting through these Olympics at this point.

50:23You get bronze. You're, like, time to go back home. That's a long-ass plane ride. Yeah, I was mentally, physically exhausted, drained. I have nothing left, and I can't put on a face anymore. Like, I physically could not wait to land in Houston. And they made us go to New York to do, like, the Today Show. And so I got my hair and makeup done, whatever. Still putting on a great face. Because I'm like, all I want to do is hold my mom and cry. I want my mom. Like, I just want my mom. And they're like, just for Today's So Sweetie, smile. Yeah. And so as soon as we landed in Houston, again, there was at the gate so many cameras.

51:06So I still had to put on a face. I couldn't break down. But I hugged my mom and I just like felt comforted. But I couldn't break down until we got home. And guess what? When I got home, they threw a parade. And they were like, get ready, Simone. We have a parade through the neighborhood. Like get your convertible. Smile and wave. I just wanted to have like a breakdown. And I didn't want to have it. This mental breakdown, it was waiting. No, it is sitting in your chest. You're like, when can I sob? When can I sit in my bed for 48 hours and not leave and just sob? Yeah. And you had to do a parade.

51:41Yeah, a parade. At that point, you're like... I just wanted to cry. Will the tears even come at this point? I've been holding him in. I just wanted to cry and be like, this was the shittiest thing ever. I don't know why it happened. I just wanted to soak in my feelings and to be by myself. And I didn't want anybody to tell me that it was okay anymore. Because I'm tired of everybody telling me it's okay. It's okay to you. It's not okay to me. What happened was not okay. like so that that was that so when did you break down probably when i had to unpack that suitcase and then i went on tour and i was hosting my own tour across america gold over america which was absolutely amazing the fans the kids beautiful uh we put together an amazing production but like even before some of those shows i had therapy say my i can't recall what time our show started but say it started at seven, I would be on therapy from like 4.30 to 6.

52:39And then I would give myself an hour to get ready. And some days Jordan would come in my room because I had my own room. I'd be bawling my eyes out trying to put on my makeup because I'm talking to my therapist about the Olympic experience. Put on my face. Woo! Hi, Gold Over America. Love to see you. Like crazy. It's like. Yeah. It was fun. And I will cherish every stop and every show that we got to put on. Totally. But it was just like behind the scenes. Just nobody knew. Well, no. And that's what I appreciate you sharing that. Because it doesn't take away from you an amazing experience with those people.

53:15But it's like, again, shows the level of strength you have of like, you know Simone Biles, the public person. And what she needs to do to show up. but like were you and I don't want you to share what you're comfortable because therapy is sacred but like in those sessions are you going beat by beat or are you just talking about the overall feeling and experience for me since again it was a new therapist um which I yeah good or bad timing I'm like it was a new therapist and every time I'm with the new therapist it feels a little bit uncomfortable so I like to start by saying like hey I'm like an onion let's peel the layers Like, I'm an open book anywhere else, but with trauma, it has to be by layers.

53:58Because, listen, I still have to put on face. I still have to go do these shows. I don't, you know. So it was kind of layers by layers. But, like, the compartmentalizing that we do as an athlete and just as a human, I know a lot of us do it, was insane. And I don't know how I got through it. But, honestly, I think the tour helped me get out there and realize there's more to life than gymnastics. And I honestly thought since I didn't compete at the Olympics in the way that I was supposed to and that we didn't win gold, I thought nobody was going to show up to my tour stops. And night after night, it kind of filled my cup up because all of these girls and the fans came out.

54:45And I remember after a show, sometimes we get to see our family. But since COVID, it wasn't too much family. but my family and some of the producers were at a show and we were in the back. We were eating dinner after the show and I broke down crying and I was like, I cannot believe people are still showing up. Why are they showing up? We didn't win. And that's when I realized like, holy crap. It's not about that. Yeah. But I always thought it was because that was ingrained in my head and that's what everybody told me. That's heavy. Yeah, it was crazy. I've learned so much about myself in such different Olympic experiences that now having another Olympic year and a cycle, like, it's traumatizing in a way to walk into.

55:32But I feel like at this point, nothing can break me. It's like I've just been through so much, so much trauma, so much healing. I'm actually excited to see what happens after this. I was going to say like in a strange way because I was thinking about – I'm actually like I feel like I can visualize oddly like that scene of you opening that suitcase. Yeah. And just like sitting there with it in front of you of like – Yeah. And the emotions and everything you're feeling from what you just tried to run away from kind of is sitting there going now to this new phase. It's a little traumatizing. And you're right to be like, am I going to do that again?

56:14Yeah. Like, I'm going to put myself through this. Right. Yeah. When you were home, when was the first time you tried the vault again? Like, did you go immediately into the gym? What was the situation? That's what I wanted to do. But since we had tour, there was no way for me to really get into a gym and train like that. But I was so traumatized. So after tour, I kind of put it under the rug. That's for another time. I would go into the gym and train. Like, play around. I wouldn't say train. I would go into the gym, go see the girls, and I would just go jump on the trampoline and do backflips, backtugs.

56:49Like, people call it backflips. That's why I'm saying backflips. Yeah. But I would go do backtugs, and even that felt kind of weird because I'm like, whoa. But I hadn't done that in a year because I took off a year or more. And every time I went to the gym, it was kind of traumatizing. And so every time I'd flip, I just, like, flashbacks to Tokyo. Oh, I'm going to get lost. I'm going to get lost. and um Laurent would always come over and he's like okay go into the pit let's do a full and I'm like I I'm here to see the girls I just wanted to jump on the tramp you're like I'm just like here to jump on the tramp yeah calm down he would make me twist and go back to the basics and um I wasn't even training I literally would just come visit and he didn't want me to have that feeling because, and before that, I would watch gymnastics on TV and the girls would be twisting and I'd be like cringing.

57:40I'd be like, oh my God, oh my God, I'm going to throw up. I can't because I can't picture myself doing it because I took so much off. What was the lowest point of the entire Tokyo aftermath and experience? I would say it wasn't even in Tokyo, unfortunately. I think it's whenever I decided to come back and train in getting over those demons because there were so many days I would come back in the gym and it was like one step forward, five steps back, one step forward, five steps back. Because as soon as I got lost, one time, get lost, pack my bags, I'm out of there. Why am I putting myself through this?

58:19Hell no. So I would literally like, I left so many times. It was frustrating for both me and Laurent because he didn't fully understand the twisties and for a lot of the time as gymnasts we know it happens but it's very unspoken of and whenever it happens you pretend it doesn't happen. Why is that? It's not a good feeling. It's dangerous. It's like horrible. It's scary. But you don't want to speak up because then you're like I don't want to be out. Yeah and then the other girls will look at you and they feel like once you get lost it's going to happen to them. Got it. So it feels contagious. Interesting.

58:58So whenever they were looking at me and doing it it's just like it's so weird. and so we yeah we had to go back to the basics and honestly like the whole year whenever Laurent last year he told me I was competing I was like how can I compete I'm not over the twisties yet because every time I went to bars or beam or floor I was praying that I did the amount of twist I was supposed to like I was so traumatized for this experience that I'm just now feeling better and even walking into the gym some days I feel like I'm gonna get lost because I know why it happened but like I'm like I hope that's the reason right so um yeah even I I'm just now feeling comfortable without yeah so it's crazy because like I went through world championships everybody's like she's back and like if we would have had one more day of world championships I think just mentally from convincing myself that I can do it so many times and you're fine twisting twisting I think I would have just broke down and been like I just can't like mentally I couldn't do it anymore not physically I think physically I would have been able to do it but if there were one more day of world I wouldn't have done it because it's I think what people I hope understand is like there's this mental tap like taxing aspect of like when you fail at something you can't unsee it.

1:00:18You can't unfeel it. So you're trying to remove yourself and you're trying to push it as far away as possible. But your brain has experienced it once. So you need to be so mentally strong to lock that so far in the corner, but it's hard. So when did you approach your coaches and say, I want to come back? It was kind of funny because the conversation didn't go how I thought it was going to go. And so I think I requested a meeting or whatever with Cecile and Laurent and we ended up at their house and brought my husband, you know, my little blankie. Mm-hmm. And I was like, okay, I want to go back to the Olympics.

1:00:57I want to do this. And they're sitting across the table and they look at me and they're like, no. And I was like, ah! I just told you I want to go to the Olympics. Like, I want to go back to the Olympics. Let's do this. Wait, like scream for me? Yes. And they were like, no. And I was like, okay, what's happening? I'm driving. I'm like, what was going on? And they were like, no, you've set expectations for yourself for so long. Let's just go back in the gym, get in shape, and see what happens. And I was like, so we're not going to the Olympics. We're not training for the Olympics. They're like, we ain't going to Paris?

1:01:40Yeah. Like, what do you mean? And so that was really weird to me because I thought they were going to be on board. It's like, yes, we have the process laid out. Let's go. And they just said no. And I was like, do I get new coaches? What's going on? And I was like, oh, you're right. And he was like, let's not just think about the Olympics right now. Let's think about maybe getting your skills back, twisting comfortably again, doing this. And I was like, oh, those things. Oh, okay, fine. Yeah. But then can we go to the Olympics? Yes. and that's kind of how we started it. And then I didn't think I was competing at Classics last year.

1:02:21And he was like, yeah, you're competing. Here's your Leos. Here's this. Here's that. I was like, what? That we weren't going to the Olympics. So I can officially ask and you can confirm, like, the goal is to go to Paris. If all goes well, I'm training. Yeah. The goal is to go to Paris. Yes. So if you're going to Paris, how are you approaching the games differently compared to previous years? I think just working on my mind and my body more than I have. Or continuing to work on my body and my mind. Just like I have the past year and a half and it's worked. And so to just stay on top of that. It's exhausting, but like I have to do it.

1:03:04It's working. I didn't think therapy was going to work and it's working. Therapy is the most incredible thing that I have always said to people. like you do though need to get into it when you're ready yes it's like so many people can tell you to go and if your body and brain is not ready to go it's not even gonna penetrate you're gonna be like uh i don't feel shit yeah and you're not gonna open up you're not gonna talk you're not gonna be vulnerable you're not gonna let those demons out so it worked out for the better i think i saw an interview of you where you were like which i kind of loved you were like people ask you your goals if you're you know for the olympics and you're like i'm not sharing my goals yeah Because I'm so sick of people then like shoving them in my face if I don't hit it.

1:03:44And I think that's good for you to set boundaries with press. Can I ask though like a personal, like not having to do with gymnastics, a personal goal mentally for you that you're going to carry through? I would say to keep up with my therapy even on those hard days because I have dodged a couple of those sessions. Oh, yeah. You're like, sorry, I'm like a little busy. That's so relatable. You're like. and she knows like my day's off so i do it the same day every time and she's like simone simone are you there and i was like no i'm sorry i'm not here that's the worst when your therapist calls like why uh i know you're free and you're like no i'm not they're like and those are the ones they always get mad at you because they're like those are the sessions you need the most that's what she tells me but you know my phone's on do not disturb you're like i can't hear you I messed that up.

1:04:34I'm like. But I feel so guilty and so ashamed. I do too. When I ghost my therapist. Is there anything more toxic than ghosting your therapist? You're literally like, this is like the most toxic. Because it's the healthiest relationship you're in. Thank you. But like so toxic. So bad. Sometimes you just, you can't. We need a break. Sometimes I don't want to talk to my feelings too much. And sometimes it's like exhausting. I just feel like a record on repeat. And again, it goes back to like, I feel like I should be healed by now. Now you're shoving this down my throat. I hope you, and I know this to anyone going through mental health situations or survivors, whatever it is, like it is not on you to speed up the process of recovery from trauma.

1:05:22That was not your fault. And so it's hard to, again, as athletes, you're trained to get over things so quickly, but this is one thing you have to like rewire your brain to be like, it's okay to feel this and don't shove it away. Call your therapist. Talk it through. No, 100%. And I agree. And I think I've learned that with my therapy over the years. So I am very grateful that I'm in therapy and thankful for the resources we have because before this, like no athlete was very outspoken about doing therapy or this, that, the other, or even just getting help. So we are in a very fortunate situation that we're able to do that and we're allowed to be vulnerable with our fans and with our community.

1:06:05So I guess I just want to say thank you to them too because without them we wouldn't be able to do what we do. Okay, this is Still Call Her Daddy. So I want to talk about your husband. You're married to an NFL player, Jonathan Owens.

1:06:40you're married to an nfl player jonathan owens you met on raya which first i just want to say like god bless you because i had no luck okay girl like raya was just doing nothing but like djs in australia yeah so good for you you didn't have it i had no luck i could have put your set I could have changed your settings. Thank you. Okay, well. Your settings were up. Were they? Athletes, check. 50 to 100 miles, check. Listen, I had enough of my days with athletes. Okay. I had to move on. What made his profile stand out? I think, first of all, boys are so different from girls because, like, we're picking the cutest backgrounds, the most aesthetically looking pictures.

1:07:26like and I wanted him to see I didn't want to really show that I was a gymnast so I didn't want to put like a gymnastics gymnastics picture in there unless he had to click on my Instagram and then see I was a gymnast so I I didn't want them that to be the first impression um so I was like okay face not that much makeup this that the other but what stood out on his profile was just like he seemed so charismatic he had these little dimples you know the light eyes and I was like, oh, he's so cute. And I think he had his bulldog on there. He has a dog. This is so cute. That's how, I mean, note to men listening, even if you don't own a dog, take a picture with the dog and put it on your profile because it won't work.

1:08:08To me, if he had a dog, that meant he was responsible. I love that you think that is the first thing. I mean, mom, I'm like, oh, he's so cute. Is that him laughing back there? He probably is, but listen. Then I went to his profile and I didn't know it was his nephew and I was like, he has a kid. Oh, no. You thought he had a kid? I thought he had a kid. But then, you know, my soccer skills, our soccer skills. 30 seconds, you figure it out. I figured it out. You figured it out. It was a sister's son. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. So it was okay. When did you start to realize he was the one? You. I know, I know.

1:08:41No, actually, and this is so cliche because everybody says this, but, like, the first time I met him, I came home from, like, our little date and stuff, and my friends were at my house, and I was like, I'm going to marry him. Like, who says that? I don't know why I said that. I don't know what it is, but I just felt something. It just, like, felt different. Like, the energy? The energy, how well we got along. And, like, it was a COVID relationship. It was, like, March of 2020, whenever I went over. I had to go to his apartment to meet him. It wasn't in a public setting, and we knew it didn't want to be public because we're both, like, public.

1:09:17They just take pictures, whatever. um but to go to his apartment I was like right like for a first date but we we had no other choice everything was really shutting down in our city like that week everything was starting to shut down and so for me I was like let's just do a play date with the bulldogs and he was like because I have a bulldog too and he was like well no because then we'll be distracted by the dogs and for me I kind of sometimes like distractions that's away from me so that like if it's awkward and I'm like, oh, my dog, look at her. The dog is sitting on the floor. Literally, so he was like, no, not for the first date.

1:09:55Then we'll introduce them. And I was like, oh, okay. But then I walked in and his dog was so excited he peed all over the floor. And I was like, maybe girls aren't here very often. Great sign. He's never seen a girl. The dog has never met a girl. Context clues. Simone, you're a genius. You're like, they've never seen a woman. Or even the delusion. You're like, they've never seen a woman in their life. The delusion. Yeah. What is married life like? To me, I mean, God, we were together the whole entire time. And then as soon as we get married, Green Bay's like, hey, we want to sign him. So we went from our wedding, dropped our bags, flew out the next morning, signed a Green Bay.

1:10:34And they were like, see you Monday, Jonathan. So as soon as we got married, it was long distance. So it was very different. Now he's back home. Now we're getting back into the groove of things. Because we're both on our schedules. We're both athletes. And I think that's what is so nice about our relationship is, like, we get to focus on our sports, respectively, and then we get to focus on each other. But it's no different. We're still dating, you know. We're about to be four years in. So, yeah, married life is no different. Okay. Jonathan, if you're listening. I don't even know if he's in this house yet.

1:11:08I think he is. We have to talk about the viral moment. Yeah. Like, we have to do it. I knew you were going to ask him. I have to. I have to. Jonathan's viral interview where he said he had no idea who you were and the internet went insane. What was your reaction when you heard the interview and everything? I was in the room. I was sitting on the chair. You just couldn't see me on the videos. I was there for the whole entire video. And you were feeling great. I was feeling great. I was like, my man just can't that. Stop. Stop. And I'm so excited. And, like, they even panned over to me with that viral moment.

1:11:44And I just, like, roll my eyes and laugh because, like. Right. But the funny thing is, is whenever I met Jonathan, we were texting that week. And I, at that point, I'm like, okay, I don't have time to waste. So if we're going to meet, because if it goes over a week, you're not meeting. Like, forget this, you know. And so we met that week. But whenever I would text him, anything I text him, he would say, I can do that. I can do that. So he could do everything. He was a comedian. He was a dog trainer. He was the best cook out there. He was the fastest runner. He could do everything. And that cracked me up about him.

1:12:19So I couldn't wait to meet him to be like, you're not funny. You're not a good cook. You're not shit. Yeah, literally. So I just thought that was funny because, and I thought that was cute that he thought he was good at everything. Because I'm like, I'm good at gymnastics. And he's like, I'm good at everything. And so whenever he did that interview, I thought everything was okay. I'm dying that you're in the corner. And then I go on Twitter and everybody's like, divorce this man. He's mean. And I'm like, he's the sweetest. He like, he praises the ground that I walk on. Like truly, I've never met a man like him.

1:12:55He still opens my doors. He still, and I'm not saying that to be like, he still opens my doors because that's to be expected of men. But, like, he truly goes out of his way to do anything for me. Today, I was like, babe, I'm at the gym and I forgot my camera. Can you bring it? And I meant to bring it to this house. He brought it to the gym. No, no. Like, he's just so sweet. Right. He's just doing things. Like, you feel loved and you feel supported. And obviously. Yeah, so I didn't think anything of that interview. And he never said I wasn't a catch. He said he was a catch. Because he is. I've never met a man like him.

1:13:27A lot of people that meet him are like, oh, my gosh. Like, I want a man like that, like Jonathan. Like, a lot of the girls at the gym, they love him. He's so nice to them. He supports them. He's so sweet. One of the girls at the gym, she's like my little sister. And we had gone to, I think we were at camp. And I always drive her to camp, so she drops her car off at my house and she parks it in the driveway. He got her windows tinted. He was like, you can't be fishbowling out here and got her windows tinted. Like, he's the sweetest. Like, he's thinking of the little things. Yes. I think what's crazy is, first of all, just as we know, the internet, like, you never know what's going to go viral.

1:14:03And they'll take it and run, and that's exactly what they did. Why do you think people got so upset? Because he wasn't – first of all, that interview had nothing to do with me. It was all for him, so I think they were mad that he didn't include me in the interview. But he has to have his moments, too, and I let him have it. whenever I go to football games, like, sometimes I get field passes, but I'm not like, hey, look at me, Simone Biles is here. I just want to see my man in that uniform. Give me a little kiss. Good luck out there. It's like, this is his moment. That's his interview. What was I supposed to interrupt that interview and be like, hey, da-da-da-da-da.

1:14:40Right. Like, you're like, I actually like that you're like, sometimes I'm like, I want to have my wag moment on the field where I'm just like, I'm not Simone Biles, the Olympian. I'm just Simone Biles, like, and that's my boo on the field. Yes, and I love to support him. So I think that they were mad that whenever they said he – and by the way, like, he said it, but Brian Clark, like, said it so many times. Like, yeah, so you're saying – so it was kind of hyped up. You know, boys, whatever. Like, those conversations. They're drinking their little tequila, whatever it is. So I think that was the thing.

1:15:10If it was that girl's moment, it's just different. That was, like, their fireside chat that they're outside hanging with the boys, whatever. Like there was no, there was nothing foul about it. When that was all going crazy and trending, what are you guys saying to each other? I thought it was hilarious what people were saying. Divorce him, divorce him. All of this crazy stuff. And like he doesn't even like to say divorce. He's probably dying right now that I've said it like six times in a row. Divorce. Yeah, literally. Divorce. Because like that, whatever. So I thought it was hilarious at first and then they hurt my feelings.

1:15:42And then like one night I got broke. I broke down and I'm like, why are you guys talking about my husband like this? Like, you don't know him. You don't know who he is. And if anybody's met him, they know he's the sweetest guy and will do anything for anybody. It was just perceived in not the correct way. Yes. And so that really hurt that they were talking about my husband like that. Because for me, it's like, talk about me all you want, but don't come for my family. Never. Yeah. Like, because I've been in the limelight long enough where I can brush things off, have my little powwow about it. You're not going to know I've heard about it, but I'd be crying about some stuff.

1:16:14You know? But I'm also, I only cry about it because I can't clap back. Just know that. Why not? Why couldn't you? I hurt their feelings. You're like, you don't want me to clap back. Yeah, and it's just like classy, you know? Classy. Yes, because whenever I was younger, I used to have Twitter fingers too. Oh, okay. Like my agent, like, someone can you take that down? No, no. You know? Because I would go off on people because who are you to say? And so every now and then if I say something, it's like slick and clever. Right. But I can really go there. Yeah, you're just like, it's better to not. Exactly.

1:16:49Yeah. Okay, Jonathan has never. They're in the drafts. Yeah, yeah. In the drafts. You draft them and you never send them. Because if I at least type it out, I feel better. I hope someone hacks your Twitter and just rips. Can you imagine? We're like, damn. Damn. Because they're like quoted. Literally. Okay, Jonathan has never gotten to go to the Olympics before with you. What are you most excited about for him to experience? Well, hopefully he gets to go because that's usually their training camp. No. And he's working on a new contract. So hopefully he'll work in his new contract at least like two days.

1:17:22Yeah. Like even if it's like, hey, personal day. Yeah. But some teams are really, really nice about like if you work with their family relations. Some are more family oriented than others. So fingers crossed we'll get to see him in the stands. So I'm excited for him to see that. But, one, I'm excited to see him to see the Olympics because football's not in the Olympics. And he always says it's like the hardest sport. It's universal. And I'm like, so why isn't it in the Olympics? If not, every country does it. Period. But, no, just to see that spirit. And I'm at Paris. I think they'll do a beautiful job.

1:18:02And he doesn't travel overseas too, too much. the first time he went overseas was like when I think he was on the Texans and they went to London like he had to get a passport he never had a passport before oh so you're like come with me let me show you the world literally okay regardless of what happens in Paris yeah what do you hope your legacy is to be an advocate for anything that I've been outspoken about mental health health, foster care, ADHD, whatever that is, but also just someone that gave it her all, never gave up, but also had fun and enjoyed her career. Because I think a lot of times athletes might look back at their career and be like, I wish I had more fun, or I wish I did this differently.

1:18:50But I'm kind of at that age where I've been, I don't really have any more regrets. because I'm a little bit older. I'm more mature. Everything I've done has kind of been on like my time. So I don't have regrets. I think that is so beautiful. And I think first, I would just like to thank you because hearing so much of what you're talking about, like you are so perceived on the internet and there's so much pressure and there's, it's difficult to open up and sit and be honest and vulnerable. And I appreciate you trusting me with your story and this experience because I am such a huge fan of yours.

1:19:29And I think you are so much more than gymnastics, but you are kick-ass badass as a gymnast. Obviously the greatest of all time. So I just cannot wait to see what's next for you. And I don't just mean obviously the Olympics, like just your life and your career and Simone Biles. And I love you. Congrats. Thank you. Congrats. Oh my God, we did it. Yay! Woo!

1:19:56Thank you.

From the publisher

Join Alex in Houston for an exclusive interview with gold medalist, Simone Biles. Simone is here to share her side of the story and what really happened at the infamous Tokyo Olympics when she withdrew from the team competition and shocked the world. She opens up about the trauma that led to that decision, what nobody knew was happening behind the scenes, and how she thought her gymnastics career was over. Simone gets real about how the nation’s backlash affected her mentally and what it’s taken to get back into the gym. She also discusses her decision to come forward about the abuse she endured under the former USA Gymnastics physician and how she’s working to heal. Simone talks about her early years in foster care and how being adopted completely changed the trajectory of her life. Then, Alex asks the question we’re all dying to know… Is Simone going to Paris? Finally, Simone gushes about her marriage, responds to Jonathan Owens’ controversial viral interview, and talks about how she’s leaning into WAG life. Get ready to know Simone Biles like never before. Enjoy!

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