Stop Having Average Sex (ft. Laren & John Mayer)

0:00Hello, Daddy Gang. Before you watch this episode, I need to do a quick little disclaimer. You need to watch this episode. This is not one of the episodes that you should be driving in your car and listening to watch this video. So please please please make sure you're watching this also reminder You can watch this on your TV download the Spotify app if you have Apple TV or if you Roku and you can just sit back and watch Like it's a full show. So enjoy that's how I'm about to watch it Here we go

0:35What is up daddy gang it is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her

0:46okay we just got to chicago and lauren is one minute away i want to just shout out the four seasons because i didn't i did not know they even knew i was coming and like i'm not kidding you i just like booked a room like thought like it was chill i got like a little bit bigger of a room because i wanted to podcast in the room i just show up also this is why i love daddy i just showed up to the four seasons there's three girls that walk outside they're like hi alex and I'm like, hi, and they work at the Four Seasons. They're like, we upgraded you to the presidential suite. And they're like, yeah, we're daddy gang.

1:19And I'm like, daddy gang, I love you. So they bring me up here. First of all, look at this. They got me a custom robe with a little eye mask. How fucking cute is this? Oh my God, look at this bathroom. What? Oh, I could sleep in here. What the fuck? Is this bigger than your first New York apartment? Oh, are you kidding me? My first bedroom in my New York apartment was probably smaller than this area right here. I like to call this my closet because that's what people think when they first come in here. So I have the smallest room in this apartment. God bless my soul. Yeah, that's the room. Dude, this is insane.

2:00Come over here. This feels like this is like a whole apartment. Oh my god! What? 1-800-CHD? Dude, I'm dying. Welcome to Chicago, and they Photoshopped the Four Seasons Hotel Chicago as like, a Call Her Daddy episode. Lauren's gonna freak out. Lauren is coming with a suitcase. She was like, I'm doing a staycation. This is a fucking staycation. Hello? Hello? What?

2:34This is. I'm literally dying. So we have you own a home, Chicago? Literally if we'd think I'd like having an apartment. This is great. Oh my gosh, look at the view! Isn't this insane? Wow. It's because we can podcast here. We can podcast here. Why, are you 100 seats?

2:56I got to the front desk and they were like, hi Lauren, how do you like living in Chicago? I like walked in and I was like, I don't wear my best friend's clothes everywhere. They were like, enjoy your staycation. And they set up a little stage. This is so cute. This is one bedroom, which I was dying. Oh, this is the one issue. We want to sleep in the same room. Yeah. Not only do we like to sleep in the same room, we want to sleep in the same bed. Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! And then look at this! Oh my gosh! I fucked this. There's like a Peloton.

3:40Shout out to Zoe and Elizabeth at The Four Seasons. I love you. Thank you so much. This is going to help so much with this episode. This kicked off the whole weekend on a different level. I was excited, but now, like, this is, oh my god. Someone that works with me, Jordan, shout out. She started as my assistant, and now she's climbing her way up the ladder for Call Her Daddy because she's been working her ass off. We've been working on the new studio. We've been having mental breakdowns. I need to find her out, and she needs to come with us. We're going to go backstage. Get Jordan out. How do I go about this, though?

4:19What if she had plans? She'll cancel. Friday, March 31st, 8.15 a.m. gets her in at 2.25. Perfect. I know that when I did the John Mayer episode, Jordan couldn't be in the room because John wanted like no one in the room while we were recording. So Jordan was in the house while she's like listening to John Mayer play, but she's like not in the room. And afterwards I could tell she was just like, oh my God, that was like torture, but amazing. Cause like, I wish I could have been there. We have to bring Jordan out. She's been working her fucking ass off at work. Like I also just love Jordan and I want her to be a part of this She deserves to see this man in concert and to actually meet him So I'm gonna call her and see I have no idea what she's doing She may have like plans on Friday, but I'm gonna offer to fly her out and let's see if she's down to come Okay, let's call her.

5:07I don't want to see my Friday night with my boss

5:16What is happening? It should have been like a two day move. Wait, it's that crazy? I feel like there's nothing there. Did you move it just now? Yeah, we just lowered it. Okay, they're lowering it a little bit. Okay, wait. Go into the other room. I want to ask you something. I was wanted to know if... What? Say it. If... If I wanted to come to Chicago? Yes. I knew you were going to say it. If I got you a flight on Friday, would you come to the concert with us? Of course. We want you to come. I'm like, I literally was sitting here. I'm like, it's not right that you're not here. You didn't get to see him play.

5:56I would love to. I would love to. Thank you so much. Yes. That would be so fun. Thank you so much. Of course. Thank you so, so much. Of course. I was like, Jordan, it doesn't feel right that you're not here and you're not going to come. Wait, I'm freaking out. Yes. It'll be so fun. No, I thank you so much Jordan for like handling all this alarm here

6:20That made me cry

6:46It's time to podcast. Alright, I'm ready. Oh, should we put some pants on? Oh, because we're going to be sitting. Yeah, we don't want everyone to see our labias. Maybe we do. You wouldn't mind. I would. The reason really I don't want people to see my labia isn't because I'm not so proud. It's more because you don't get that shit for free. Pants on. Under the robes. Are you tight and secure? I'm tight and secure. A nipple may pop, but like... It's not like you haven't seen him before. As if I'm looking at Aaron. Like, Aaron, it's not like you haven't seen him before. Okay. We look like an old married couple in our robes.

7:26Me too. Like, here we go. Every time we travel together, there has to be robes. All right, let's podcast. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, my God. I'm, like, kind of, like, nervous, excited. okay daddy gang welcome to the chicago episode i am accompanied by my best best best friend lauren lauren her name is lauren we call her lauren let's cheers i'm so happy cheers

7:59ah cold coffee nothing better it's so cold i wanted to act like it was still warm like um welcome to our episode i'm so fucking happy to have you here lauren is back i'm back why did i just call you lauren i don't know i don't like it i don't like it either let's actually start with that i call lauren larren and that's what kind of everyone in lauren's life calls her and so every time i post you on the internet people are like is her name fucking lauren or is it larren so let's let's debunk the rumors your name is lauren mcmullen yes your friends and family calls you Laren and I think it stems from your mom having her southern accent yeah my mom was so southern and when I was in second grade we moved from Texas to Pennsylvania and she had a wild accent and we'd be on the soccer fields and she'd be like Laren and be like Mrs.

8:55McMullen just constantly screaming like Laren and then to me she'd be like Alex like it was a lot of like I everyone loved her accent still she still has it um that actually reminded me how long have we known each other second grade so what you're seven so 21 years oh my god that's probably my one of my longest friendships we've been best friends for 21 years yeah we have this bond I feel like that is so much stronger than just like a friendship that you see because it's like there's so many layers to what we've been through together and it's like one thing to like meet a friend at some point in your life and be like this is my history it's like oh like you've lived my whole history with me and like not even from a distance like our families were like intertwined in it fast forward here we are now and it's so crazy to say like you then were just like at my engagement oh i'm not wearing my ring also just to clarify because it's over it's it's fucking over sorry matt um i'm moving to chicago i love the four seasons no i i am i'm not wearing it right now because but when we're recording this i am still haven't yet released that episode to the world and i know there's so many daddy gang in chicago and i'm so excited to see all of you but my luck would be like someone releases it before i get to say it but let's go back to your little news um miss i'm in a relationship i'm so happy for you i'm happy for myself too you now have a relationship and it's so my days on the streets are over i'm calm i'm chill you're gonna see a different side of me in this episode i might have a few drinks you know like fast forward lines black out on the floor at the bar like fully tanked when you see a diamond it shines so bright please explain how long have you been in this relationship tell us all the tea we have been together a little bit over a year now um like i thought i was a pretty happy person and like i didn't know it was like possible to be like this happy oh my god and your cheeks are like red and rosy you're so okay tell us how you guys met we met um on a new year's eve trip i was going with a girlfriend he was going with one of his guy friends they were siblings and they had a house in tahoe and the first night i get there and he wears glasses and his room was where like the laundry was and i had to go in and like it's like one in the morning and he's like sitting on his bed like doesn't have glasses on and i walk in the room to like put laundry in and he's like hi like can't really see me because he doesn't have glasses on and I was like hi I'm Lauren and he can't see me so I'm just a blob in his mind and but I was like oh I'm gonna hook up with that man I remember you texting the group chat I texted you that first night like there is someone so hot on this trip like and at the time you were like still single you were like I'm just gonna go for it and then you sent a picture because the next day someone took a photo of you guys and you were near each other I'm like he's so fucking tall he's so cute like what the fuck and then it happened well I played the slow game obviously and obviously no not obviously Lauren from your track record it's like not slow yeah you're right so you you did play the slow game well because we were there for a full week and I was like you know like I gotta do some slow build up like I don't want to just like hook up on the first night and like I gotta slowly drop hints um so he says he didn't even know I was into him until like the last night with New Year's Eve.

12:34And we were at a bar New Year's Eve and he went to kiss me at midnight and I literally swerved him. I was like, I just got nervous. Wait, what? I love how the first night you're texting me like, I'm going to hook up with this person. Four days goes by New Year's Eve. Like I'm working it, playing the long game, like dropping it, laying my moves. And then wait. And the time came when I froze. And so you swerved him and then like, what did you say? I don't I think I was just like weird and awkward and but then like an hour later I got a little more liquid courage and then I was just like grabbed his head and was like that is and then everyone on the trip was like yes dude that's also so you of like being like I'm gonna do it and then like lightly in the moment being like should I be doing this like overthinking it and then like on your terms going right back in an hour later okay so then that was in Tahoe and then you realize you both live in Chicago.

13:28Yeah, because I feel like I had been meeting a lot of people. Like they lived in California, they lived in New York. And I was like, well, this like can't be anything. And I had only been single for a year at that point for my seven year relationship. And like, in my mind, I like still wanted like, I wasn't really done being single yet. So like when I met him, I was like, Oh, like that was a fun hookup in Tahoe. Like he's a nice guy. And then we realized we live in walking distance to each other so then I was like cool I have someone to have sex with in walking distance and like that was that right I do remember that where you're like it will be nice because I'll have like a hookup buddy that's like close by and like I don't have to uber yeah yeah Lauren's thinking so logistically and I'm like that's great and I will say Lauren and I most of our lives in terms of relationships we've always been on different pages if you're in a serious relationship I'm like fucking 12 guys over here and being like I've got like all these different side pieces and situationships and I'm like going through it and then all of a sudden I get into a serious relationship and a healthy one for the first time basically in my life with Matt when we moved to LA and you become single and then I was like I kind of want to be single with Lauren like it was like it was hard for I think us in the beginning to be like on such different pages and you and it's like something unsaid of like for friendships you can be on different pages in romantic situations but it's kind of hard especially if like you're living together and like if you're single and you're in a relationship like a fun night out for a single person is probably like how can we like go meet as many guys as possible and for a person who's starting a serious relationship it's like oh like I want to like go enjoy like a nice dinner with you and and go home to my partner yes and so we were like on such different pages in LA and we made it work for sure but it was I think it was just so we were so aware that like whoa we're in such different places but now you're in a healthy relationship and you brought your boyfriend to the engagement party and I was nervous though because I like I didn't know if that was like a weird move to like no bring your boyfriend to someone's and because you never met him that was the crazy part is she's been dating him for a year we've facetimed yeah we've facetimed and like lightly spoken but like you live in chicago like and i've every time you come out to la you've been alone so i've never met your boyfriend and so the best part i think about that whole situation was how well we got along like me and your boyfriend and then how well our boyfriends got along I know after the trip I was asking my boyfriend I was like oh like what was like your favorite moment of the weekend and he was like I gotta say it was smoking that cigar with Matt and then simultaneously I'm in bed with Matt and I'm like oh my god like what did you think of Lauren's new boyfriend he was like I like him so much like we had such a great conversation and like he's really someone that you can like get deep with and talk about like everything like I felt like I knew him for so long like he's a great guy like we should totally do couples trips I was gonna say like that's like the thing that's like now we're in like different pages different pages but now we're finally like synced up our cycles are matched up and we can go on couple things now because I remember like almost like a year like a little less than a year ago I'd been like maybe we'll do couples trips but like I was like I don't know like what if Matt and your boyfriend don't get along or like not that they don't get along but like it's always like a little nerve-wracking when like we get it's like it almost be like a disappointment like yes man like I guess it's just like some people like just don't vibe totally and like we get along so well and it's so easy that it's just like the anticipation like oh like they're great like I hope it works but I will say like it was a different feeling for me bringing this boyfriend to like a setting where it's like okay like we're going to someone's like engagement like you know like be self-aware yes and be social be social I looked around and he was completely by himself.

17:27Like Lawrence boyfriend was like talking to my parents, like talking to our friends, talking to Matt, talking to Matt's family. I was like, he can fully hold his own in a room, which I think you've needed because prior it was like your partner was nervous because if I would have brought my ex to your engagement, my ex would have been the drunkest person at the party. And you were constantly like on alert in social settings. You're the most. I was like embarrassed and feel like I was like compensating. And like to the point where I was like, you know, I think I might not be being invited to certain things because like of your partner.

17:57Yeah. Which I think is also a huge part is like if anyone's listening, if you have a weird gut feeling every time you bring your partner around people and like you're constantly like being super like, oh, my God, like I can't leave their side. or like overcompensating and like like you have to follow up conversations like oh i'm sorry like he didn't mean that or like i don't know why he said that or like bad yeah like that red flag red flag your partner like that should be like an early test like throw him into your friends and see how he fends and vibes like those are people who have like stood the test of time and like care about you and there's something different to be said of like if your partner is an introvert that's okay well like they were a little awkward or whatever but there's a difference between that And then someone actually genuinely making you uncomfortable with like the actions and like everyone's going to have a weird night.

18:45Yeah. We're like maybe they get too drunk or they say something stupid. But like if it's a consistent thing, I feel like that's something that you and I both experience of a partner that's like embarrassing us or we're feeling so uncomfortable to go out with. And I feel like this was the first time where I was so happy. Like I was like beaming watching your boyfriend like walking around and watching you work one side of the room, him be on the other side. And I was like, fucking finally, Lauren has someone that she can now actually be her full self, especially around the people that she loves.

19:14Like, you don't have to apologize. Not that you ever had to apologize because it was one of those things where, like, we know. Yeah. It's been seven years. We know. I know. I know. I know. But now it's like, it's amazing. So Lauren is in this healthy, great relationship. Not to say we both don't have, like, things that we're working on in relationships, which I think we should talk about. I think that's something to get into because if therapy was like an Olympic sport, I've been fucking training for the Olympics for the past two years. Like I am deep in my individual therapy game. Lauren, no, it's so true.

19:53And like, I thought I had my shit figured out. I was like, not in LA. That was part of my journey that a lot of you saw. But that was the beginning stages. And I have done a lot of work since then, been going to weekly therapy for over two years now. And I entered into this relationship and I was like all like high and mighty. Like I got my shit figured out. Like welcome to my world. Like can you like meet my caliber? Can you like meet me in like my wokeness? No, but actually you were like in your therapy like I've never seen. Yeah. and then I have like I can legitimately say like I have never been in a healthy relationship in a lot of ways yep before this one and like getting into a really serious relationship where like you're not doing the bullshit and like it's real and like you're trying to like make things seriously work you learn a lot about yourself really really fast and you learn all the flaws and the shit and the baggage that you're bringing to the table that you can probably hide when it's like just you and you're alone.

20:59But yeah, I'm like learning a lot about myself and I'm really happy and in love. But enough about me. We'll get more into that later. Speaking of love, how's engaged life? It's fucking amazing. I will say. Is sex better when you're engaged? I will say our sex has been insane. But enough about me and my engagement and you and your relationship i'm fucking starving we have a friend in town and we are gonna go get some deep dish pizza oh i'm giving you the chicago experience this weekend like you don't even know what we got planned i don't understand let's go get dressed and let's go get pizza

21:40i've been doing my eyebrows for 45 minutes this one is not matching this one and i know they're supposed to be sisters not twins but they're like distant cousins at this point and it's like not going well. We're just like trying to get ready for our lunch. I like that jacket. Isn't this cool? Yeah. Yeah where'd you get that? I forget. House of what? Ooh! House of Sunny? We're kind of matching. Oh my god do we both have white sneakers? Yep. Blue jeans. We have our brown jackets. What are you wearing a black shirt? Oh! And a black shirt. Oh my god and we have two order shell sunglasses on. Which is crazy because we did get ready together but I will say this was not intentional.

22:20We weren't fully staring at each other, getting our outfits ready. I have a habit when I get in elevators, I start to tap dance. Wait, what?

22:31I'm really quite amazed how much The Four Seasons just loves you. It never gets old, even as much as I get to now do luxurious, glamorous shit like this now. I still feel like when we were young and it still doesn't hit me that it's like this is my life. I guess you haven't been like rich like that long.

22:57Should we just start drinking now? I've lived here for two years and I've truly only had deep dish like three times. One of them being with you. It's very filling. I think we both have a soft spot in our hearts for New York style, like the gracier the better. Okay now. Oh my goodness! We're filming? Stop! Wait a second. Oh my God! Let me out! We're gonna go far. Oh my God! The Chicago Daddy Gang is like no other daddy gang. So this area right in front of us, I'm like 95 % sure. This is called the Viagra Triangle. The Viagra Triangle? If I remember correctly, it's because there's a lot of old men in this area who like to get jiggy with it and need a little extra help.

23:50Wait, what? Are you making that up? No, I'm dead serious. Turn around, turn around, turn around, turn around, turn around, turn around, turn around. I don't actually know the words like any songs.

24:35So what are we doing tonight? So tonight we are doing a two-person bar crawl. I have a car and the car and driver is going to take us to 15 bars that I have planned. 15. 15? We'll see how far we make it. I wanted us to have options. Yes. Oh, you're about to get me fucking hammered. When Lauren and I get drunk together, how would you describe it? Unhinged.

25:20Hello? Hello? Oh my god, look at us all wearing unwell.

25:31Do you want to have a drink? Yes. Okay, you're going to stay here. I'm going to, thanks Kate, you inspired me. I'm going to go have my confessional moment and play bartender. I'll be back for two drinks. Okay, but we can't fight like me and Kate did. I'm too vulnerable. Welcome to my laboratory confessional. My goal for the night is quite simply to get Alex Cooper fucked up. I want to bring her back to the days when we were living in New York City before All of this now. She's such a workout holic that like everything is for the daddy gang I don't want to say for content I want to say it's just for the daddy gang and to make all her daddy like the best possible brand She does shit like this and I think she like forgets to like stop and like take it in and actually like look around and like have fun and enjoy herself so the goal tonight is fun and fun rhymes with fucked up so we're gonna get her fucked up cheers oh she's taking a shot tonight of malort if you're a midwestern daddy gang you know what malort is i have to tell lorda malort malort malort let's put a little let's drop an image of malort right here it's a specialty type of like liqueur and i I Googled it and it tastes like a vine from hell.

26:50It's like, I'm ready. I just have to time it right because she needs to be not sober and where she's gonna be like, this is actually disgusting, but not drunk enough where I'm gonna like have her throw up in the night. Yeah. So it's all about timing. First drink of the day. Should we do that thing that's like, hi, my name is Lauren and this is before I have any drinks. We should do that as a TikTok. Hello, darling. Oh my god. Cheers. I don't know if you've gotten to this point in your relationship yet, but Back I would say like a couple months. No like almost like a year ago I wanted to fucking kill Matt when we would sleep.

27:30He's a cuddler, right? He is. Matt is like the cuddliest person He's like I love you. I want to get all up in there and I'm like back the fuck up Get the fuck. I'm like the most unloving person. Oh, can you give me my deodorant? Yes And I would say that my like I will cuddle right before bed like up until bed unless I get fucking hot But most the time I will cuddle with him, but the minute we're like okay time to go to fucking yeah Get the fuck to the east and I'll go to the west. Okay. What is your sleep routine? Um, I wouldn't say it's routine. I would say it's more of a battlefield. Oh So you're in it.

28:06I'm in it. I become like defensive of my space because my boyfriend's like tall He's 6 '4", so like his limbs are long and like every night I will get on the bed He's usually in bed before me and I'll get into the bed and I'll pull the blanket back I'm like you're crossing the midline And he's like Night no like my elbows my elbows touching the edge of my bed like yeah But like you can't take up more than the midline and you're over the midline So I thought he was gaslighting me because I'm like you're over the midline So I was like looking at up and down the internet. I was looking on Etsy to find sheets that have a line down the middle So I'd be like look What the fuck?

28:48You're over the midline You're gaslighting me Yeah I get like the ick at bedtime Lauren just said she gets the ick at bedtime We might have to end that at all That is so good though It's so relatable We got two big people in the bed A queen bed's not enough. I'll, I'll, yeah, I'll, I'll chop that up to me. I'll take ownership here because I'm in a healthy relationship. Dude, it's a battle. A few, few, few trips ago, when we were in the Hamptons, we woke up and your pants were off. And I was like, Alex, why are your pants off? And then you pulled the blanket down and you were sleeping on a towel.

29:36I'm like, Alex, why are you sleeping on a towel? I forgot about this! There was thunder, and she got scared, and she peed the bed! While I was in the bed with her! That is not the whole story! What is the rest of the story? I heard a really fucking scary noise, thunder, and we were in the middle of fucking nowhere, and if you've ever been to the Hamptons, you fucking know there's no cell service, and we had had a really weird experience with this uber driver i was like oh we're dead like we're dying tonight so then my mind was that because the uber driver dropped us off at our home he knew where we lived and so every creak and crawl that i heard that night i knew our uber driver was just coming up the deck and barging in to which then i heard the thunder and before i I registered it as thunder.

30:26You peed the bed.

30:30I may have accidentally let out a little tinky winky. I like black it out, because I don't see it as peeing the bed. I see it as like, I woke myself up to defend myself.