The Reality of Outgrowing Friendships

0:00Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Stouffer's. Let me tell you something. When I am hungry and I am trying to figure out what to eat, sometimes you can just actually become so you're angry. You're like, I am busy. I'm hungry. I'm getting hangry. I'm getting angry. What can I eat? I need something hot and delicious and low maintenance. Well, introducing Stouffer's dinners are not only delicious, they're done in a flash. Serve up their classic lasagna, chicken pesto, or carbonara for two, whatever you're craving, Stouffer's is your hot, delicious, easy meal fantasy. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's.

0:36You can see all the delicious options at stouffer's.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. We all know how good it feels to refresh our space. And sometimes a little spring cleaning, pick me up with Clorox Disinfecting Wipes is the best way to get back on track. Let me just say she's quick. She's easy. She's Clorox disinfecting wipes. Plus the lemon scent. Oh my God. You know what? It reminds me of my mom. My mom used these in our home growing up. No doubt about it. Our house smelled so incredibly clean. And now I just have them in my house because it's tradition, right?

1:16My mom used it and naturally I use whatever my mother used. It is the best guys. A quick wipe down is one of the easiest ways to channel a little spring cleaning energy. The wipes are perfect also for multitasking so you can just get back to your day-to-day with ease and with a better vibe. Thanks to Clorox, we can have spring cleaning and they can get us through it, right? We don't need to stress. Thank you, Clorox. Okay, so shop Clorox Disinfecting Wipes now at walmart.com slash Clorox Wipes. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another Sunday session of Call Her Daddy. Guys, I feel like a different person, okay?

1:55because I have been so consumed. I have been so just not focused on anything in my life other than reading this one goddamn book series. And I have turned into a monster. Matt at night is like, I know I'm like still working, but like, put your book down, like pretend you're paying attention to me. And I'm like, but you're working. He's like, I know, but like you never look at me anymore. This book is consuming your life. And I'm like, it's amazing. It's everything I need right now. let me just tell you it's called fourth wing I am so late to the party for all the fourth wingers that are like babe like this has been out for so long I know but to anyone that is has not read this book I just want you to know that like it has changed my life and I was okay I love ACOTAR I had Sarah J Maas on the podcast you guys know that but I had never read fourth wing for some reason and Lauren had told me like you need to read it you need to read it it's one of my favorite series.

2:51And dumbly, I could not sleep one night. It's like 1230. Matt's dead asleep, annoying as fuck, snoring in my ear. I'm like, I will ruin your life. And I'm trying to not scroll on social media. And I'm like, maybe I just need to open a book. And so I'm going through to look at downloading. Like, what can I download? And I see fourth wing on the list. I'm like, you know what? That's probably like a really long book. It's like romanticy, but it probably will take a while to get into probably bore me to sleep perfect guys eight chapters 3 a.m eyes wide open I literally went into work the next day like hello everyone I looked so tired I was obsessed the first sentence had me hooked and that has been consuming my life so um it just ended I read the third book and now the next one doesn't come out for like a year so I'm kind of like tweaking out I'm going through withdrawals I feel a little bit like unsure of myself I'm weary I don't know who I am.

3:48But let me just say, having a good book in your life, I am someone who goes through spurts of reading and then I will stop reading and I will just go through like a couple months where I just don't read anything. But when you have a good book in your life, your mood is up, your vibe is up, you're glowing, you look more gorgeous, you sound more gorgeous. Everything in life is less annoying. No one's annoying me that much because I'm like, I'm just like, I'm barely listening to you because I'm just focused on when is the next time I'm going to go pick up my book and read. And so there's just this happiness that I find whenever I have a really good book.

4:26So this is your sign. If you've been in a book rut, if you want to get back to it, pick up Fourth Wing or if you're not into like romanticity. Although let me tell you, girl, it's steamy. It'll it'll impact your sex life. It'll impact your life. Like you'll be good to go if you read it. So enjoy Violet and Zayden are the main characters and I'm obsessed with them. And I don't care if I'm coming off like a dork right now. I don't care. I need a new book. Guys, comment down below. What romantic book should I read next? And it needs to be romantic. I don't want something that has like human beings that are don't have any type of like power.

5:06I want dragons. I want fairies. I want smut, bitch. OK, so comment down below. What is the next book I need to read? I love that you guys are loving the Sunday session. lately and a lot of the times I open with kind of just a topic but I felt like today was important to just fully pour me into you and just give you guys as much wisdom as I can good advice maybe bad advice I don't know I just want to talk through what you guys are going through and do a full episode of questions of the motherfucking week so let's get into it

5:58Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Mushroom Council. It's summer, which makes people feel two kinds of ways about cooking. Either you want to be outside grilling stuff in beautiful weather, or if it's too hot, you want to be inside making something simple where you don't have to hang out in a hot kitchen for an hour. either way mushrooms have you covered mushrooms are delicious and savory and super easy to grill especially if you stick them on a skewer hello with some meats and vegetables let that all get a little charred and smoky just think about it gorgeous delicious or inside days just fry them up in a pan for literally five minutes get sizzling at mushroomcouncil.com this could be your summer especially with mushrooms on your side it's not magic it's mushrooms call her daddy is brought to you buy Haagen-Dazs.

6:43Okay. It is so important to take some me time. You know what I mean, guys? So take your sweet time and enjoy rich, smooth, creamy ice cream from Haagen-Dazs because honestly, when was the last time you actually slow down and let yourself have a moment for you? You have to try their new cherry dark chocolate bar. Guys, picture rich cherry ice cream with tart cherry ribbons coated in thick dark chocolate. Are you kidding me? I'm drooling. are you drooling yet? No, seriously, this is the kind of thing you don't just eat, you experience it. Okay. Haagen-Dazs elevated crafted ice cream is always meant to be savored.

7:20So whatever flavor you choose, slow down and enjoy each bite. Seriously, it's too good to rush. I grew up with Haagen-Dazs in my house every single night. My family and I would eat our favorite flavors. I'm obsessed with the Cherry Dark Chocolate Bar. Those flavors together, I couldn't be happier. I'm going to watch my favorite TV shows and I'm going to be eating that. Boom, done. Take your sweet time. That's Daz available at retailers nationwide. Question number one. I feel like this is so relatable to probably everyone watching depending on the side you're on, but here we go. Hi, Alex. I feel like I'm in a weird stage with my friends right now.

7:56I don't know if I'm the problem. I'm 25 and honestly still having my fun era. I like going out, traveling, meeting new people and not taking myself too seriously. But a lot of my friends have started to move to a more serious phase of life. They're settling down with long-term partners, focusing heavily on their careers, talking about buying houses, getting engaged, all of that. And lately when we hang out, I can feel this subtle judgment from them about the way that I'm living my life. I love my friends and we've been close for years, but lately we've been in completely different wavelengths.

8:24Is it just a normal phase that will pass or are these friendships at the end of their course? This is such a huge topic that I feel like you could do a million different episodes on just because it is the most, I just feel like honest and relatable topic to probably everyone in their 30s and their 20s and even their 40s. So I don't think that you are insane for feeling this way. I do think my first bit of advice is like when friends start to all go in different directions because someone's like, yes, getting married and buying the house and they're doing that part doesn't mean they're ahead in life.

9:08That's just where they're at. And then you're still like enjoying your single life and you're partying. That is going to obviously cause a little bit of division within a friendship, just because you guys are on such different pages that the relatability of like topical conversation when you see each other, it's just not there. And so if anything, it's more just like listening and trying to understand and be supportive rather than being able to relate, which friendship, most of our friendships are built on being able to relate. Oh my God, we're in high school together. We're going through this or, oh my God, we're in college together.

9:42We're going through this or we're at the same job. I think sometimes people even experience it. If you meet a friend that you're at a job with and they leave or you leave, it kind of can disrupt the friendship because so much of your relationship was built on being at work together. And then when that is not the case anymore, you're like, what is our friendship based off of if not what it was originally started off of right and so I think you saying that these friends are phasing into this clearly you guys were at one point on the same page and so I want to validate you that like this is a huge separation to some capacity of your genuine honest start to the relationship of what you guys related on and now it has completely diverted what I will say is to give my personal little anecdote, I am relating to this because I have two friend groups, essentially.

10:37And in one of my friend groups, I am the kind of like oldest-ish. And in terms of like life, I'm the more like serious, settled down, I guess you would call it like you just referred to. I got the house. I got married. I am very serious about my career. Matt and I have been talking about kids like these are all things that we're working towards and then I all my other friends in that kind of friend group are a little bit on different pages whether they're not married yet but some of them have boyfriends or some of them are fully single enjoying clubbing life all the good things or some of them are kind of getting more serious thinking about marriage but like I'm the one that has kind of gotten all of those pieces of my life that I don't even I don't even want to call it more established because it's just not like it's all subjective right but in that category I'm there then in my other friend group I am the youngest I am the person that is like every one of my friends in this group has kids and I'm just constantly sitting there where they're talking about oh my god and I have to bring him here and I have to get my daughter here and this and this was a disaster and this and oh my god and the babysitter and I constantly am like trying to remind myself that my problems do matter.

11:52I'm like, whenever I'm around them, sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I don't even want to complain because they have so much going on with these kids and I don't have kids. So I'm like, uh, yeah, they're like, what's going on in your life? I'm like, oh yeah, Bruce and Henry were really stressing me out last night. Like, no, it's not even comparable, but I recognize that I still can exist as me and still share things with that group of people and I do but I do get it like I'm a little bit like oh like you guys are so much more ahead of me in that department and I kind of like it's not that I don't matter but it's just a thing that we go through right my advice to you is with that group of friends who is more like established and has kids around me they have never made me feel like I am less than because I don't have kids yet or because I'm not in that preschool phase of life.

12:41If anything, what I love about them is they're so not threatened and in their life and they're happy with their life that they always ask me like, okay, wait, what's going on? What's happening? Like, tell me the hot gossip, like tell us everything. And they enjoy almost like sinking their teeth into my part of life because they're not jealous. They're excited to find out about what's going on in my life. And I feel for you that you can differentiate pretty quickly. Are your friends making subtle jabs or are you insecure that you feel distance from them? So you're taking them talking about their situation as them being insensitive, which is so fair because you're internalizing it, but maybe they're not being actually assholes.

13:20You're just getting insecure. Or are they actually making comments like, God, Krista, like you got to get it together. Like how many more club floors can you like throw up on? And you're like, I plan a couple more, I think like I'm having a good time um that I think you have to decipher and really try to get objective but the overall I guess advice in this situation is I think sometimes with friendships we have this really intense need to hold on to the best parts of the friendship that sometimes evolve and change and we want to get back to that place that it started and it's sometimes just not possible.

14:03Sometimes people grow, people change, circumstances change, and it's okay if you are not as close to someone as you were, and maybe it will swing back around. Like I've had so many friends where we started so close. Then we had a little bit of distance because similar to what you're going through, she ended up getting married. I was still on the streets in New York doing my thing. We kind of didn't have much in common anymore. We'd catch up lightly, but it wasn't the same. and then when I met Matt and I got married, like we had so much more to bond over and then we got closer again. Not that we weren't friends, but just the actual closeness and the relatability was there.

14:42I also think we have to remember that in your 20s and your 30s, everyone is like having to be a little selfish, right? Everyone has to be focused on their own life, be focused on their careers and their romantic relationships and if they want kids or don't they want kids or if they're struggling to have kids, like there's so much and family shit don't even get me started. So I think the weight of life really comes at us in our 20s and 30s. And I think friendship is something that has to kind of ebb and flow because it is inevitable that so many people are going to be on different pages. And if you are not willing to just like lightly adjust as it hurts, it sucks if you're not as close with someone, but if you're not willing to recognize like, oh we're just not as close right now because like we're on different pages it stings a little bit but it's worse when you try to like fit the peg in the round hole or whatever the fuck it's called and you keep trying to force something that just right now maybe it needs a little bit of space so I'm sorry you're going through that but just know I feel like that's literally every one of my friends and I talk about this and we have so many different friend groups that you can kind of put yourself into a different scenario for.

15:55Like the fact that I'm you in one of my friend groups and then I'm the women you're talking about in another friend group, it's all, it's life. Like that's what's going to happen. And you just have to not be too hard on yourself and maybe find some more friends who are in that phase of life with you and how beautiful. Like that will be a fun new group that you can hang out with. Doesn't mean you have to get rid of your old friends. okay next hi Alex I'm a 42 year old woman living in North Carolina the dating scene is pretty bad here but I was at the gym last weekend and this guy was checking me out I didn't think anything of it until he asked for my number when I was leaving okay just pausing there like so proud of a man actually fucking approaching woman don't love that it's at the gym but I love that you specify that it's when you're leaving not when you're like mid-rep and he's like hi Janice want to want to bang in the bathroom.

16:46Maybe that would have been hot. I don't know. You said as we were texting to set a date, I found out he is only 25 years old. I don't get hit on by hot guys often anymore, so I don't want to pass up the opportunity. But is it insane to still go on a date with this guy? Girl, no. Are you kidding me? This is what this is what life is about. I mean, listen, I don't know if I'm 42 and single, like what I'll be looking for, but I'm sure it would be like a hot fuck. Like if Matt and I got divorced and I was 42 and single, like maybe you're looking for something like that. You just said you haven't been hit on.

17:20Like you want to explore. You're not making this man your husband, please, for the love of God, don't make this man your husband, but have fun. I think that sometimes when you are single, no matter the age, we sometimes need to get outside of our comfort zone. Like you probably go for the same man. You probably always go for the same type. And this will make you, maybe this will make you come alive. Like maybe you can teach this boy something, right? I also just think like men do it all the time. Like why can't women? He's of age. This is not creepy. It's a hookup. He approached you. You were looking hot at the gym.

17:58Imagine how hot you're going to look on a date. I think we bang him. And I, yeah, I mean, we, I think we bang him and you let us know how it goes and you're in your milf era like there could be a world where this reignites something in you like maybe you squirt on his face I don't know you never know until you try so Janice that's not your name but you know what I mean get out there I love that for you guys remember the other Sunday session I did where I was like nobody is approaching anyone in person anymore I used to say a man approaching a woman at the gym was a cardinal sin and it is but you were leaving and there's something that we're going to take men approaching women.

18:39We're going to take it. We're going to take it. If you're not creepy and you did it in a right way, I am going to say go on a date with a man if he ever approaches you and you're not repulsed by him and he doesn't come off as creepy and you're like, huh, go on the date. Next question. Hi, daddy. I have been dating someone for about three years and he is obsessed with his morning routine. He has a 5 a.m. alarm every morning, followed by a meditation app, cold shower, 30 minutes of journaling and a green juice. There are no off days. When we first started dating, I pretended I was into it. I'd wake up early, drink the juice, do the meditating.

19:13Oh girl, you're strong. But now that we're actually in a relationship, I'm exhausted. It makes me dread sleeping over at his place. How do I admit I'm not into this without disappointing him? Oh my God. Oh my God. This is my fucking nightmare. Oh my God. Okay. Um, you should never dread sleeping over your boyfriend's house. This should be a fun activity. This should be a, Oh, I'm taking an everything shower kind of night. You know, I'm going to shave my legs for this man. I'm going to shave my underarms for this man and the bush canush. Like this is supposed to be fairy tales, rainbows butterflies and sex and instead you are like sleeping at night literally so stiff praying to god you're like is it 5 a.m yet you're like tweaking out because you're so anxious about his 10 alarms that he fucking sets and then he literally wakes up at 5 and he's like let's get after it baby and you want to cry but you've committed to the lie oh my god that's the worst it's like when i lied about like liking edm to this one guy in college and i was like oh my god me, EDM.

20:22He's like, have you ever been to Firefly Festival? I was like, obviously. And he's like, wait, who's your favorite performer? And I was literally like, everyone, how could I pick who was yours? And then he names him EDM or that I don't even know. And I was like, no, wait, that was 100 % my favorite. You're so right. And I kept on this lie to the point where he invited me to a concert. And I was like, hey, hey, hey, I didn't know a thing about EDM. Okay. I didn't even know I don't even know what EDM sounds like and I went so far so far down this I changed my Facebook settings to be like EDM girl music I was like stalking him putting some of the songs that he had that he liked on his Facebook into my likes like I was deep in the trenches thankfully I never made this man my boyfriend so I wasn't like in that car listening to EDM on our way to church in the morning I never went to church in college but you know what I'm saying but this is your boyfriend like you committed to this man you're sleeping at this man's house and you are green juicing it up wellness hitting hard left right smacking it harder than ever in the morning you want to die you literally want to die you want Cheetos and a bagel and you want to be hung over in bed watching Sex and the City on your Sunday and instead you're doing burpees Like, this is my personal hell.

21:49Here's my advice. Oh, what would I do? What would I do? Because to his credit, he is thinking you're one with him. Like, he's thinking, like, we're both getting swole together, bro. So the problem is how far you've taken the lie. What I do think you can just say is, like, hey, babe. Hey, babe. um I am so always the sandwich right I'm so inspired by how serious you commit to and take your morning routine and I love how healthy you are but I think I got on that flow with you and I really have enjoyed a lot of the moments you start crying you're like no I really have enjoyed it. I was like, stop.

22:40You're like, I really enjoyed it. But I think I'm realizing that I have just like a different need and want for my mornings and for the way that I approach my wellness journey, let's say. And I think sometimes it's getting to the point where like, there are some mornings where I want to lay in bed and relax and enjoy myself after like a long week of work and I feel like I have to get up and go go go with you and I was wondering if it would be no don't even ask this man for permission so I think I'm going to do some mornings where I don't participate and if you don't mind just like being a little quiet in the morning and just like sneaking out and going and do your thing of course I don't want to tell you not to do it but I think I'm gonna like I think I'm gonna chill a little bit here I'm getting a little burnt out if this man is like wait so you're not coming to the gym with me at five what do you mean what do you mean we just went to Lululemon together we bought new we bought new Spanx like we got matching outfits like what do you mean babe what do you fucking mean as he's like doing another ginger shot this may be not your guy but I do believe that like because you've gone along with it for so long maybe you just need to break the fucking and and start eating like a bagel in front of his face and be like I'm not going okay okay fuck off I think you can do that I don't imagine a world where this man would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

24:02I think if anything, like I said, girl, I've been there. You just built the lie out a little too long and a little too hard. You committed so hard to the lie. You're now reaping the repercussions. This man's kind of done nothing to you. And thank God he's not the opposite end where it's like big belly beer Bob who's just like 18 cases deep watching the fucking sporting event never gets off the couch literally is pounding beers his whole body is just like desiccating before your eyes and you're like oh my god this man is so unhealthy and he like never does anything like at least this man's like taking care of his body like this is someone that will have longevity potentially in life and cares about well let's make sure he doesn't care about his appearance too much like are there like mirror selfies that are going along with these 5 a.m.

24:56jaunts because if there are oh oh Sarah I fear I fear this for you maybe let's reel it in look at him look at the actions and look if you just ended up basically getting involved with like a soul cycle instructor and you're literally like I think I got a little too carried away I think I got a little too carried away I got hooked I feel like I'm living with goop and I gotta go um that's for you to decide but damn because there's nothing better than like hitting them with like a little one-two punch of like a little white lie a little white lie in the beginning and you're just like oh my god that white lie just made us actually go to the next level and like it's so white lie like it doesn't matter and then they like fully commit and they're like oh my god you do like that and you're like yeah I love that and they're like oh my god do I have plans for us and you're like oh my god no way and then you actually are four years in and you're doing something you fucking hate but then it's like you can't blame them because you're the liar oh my god I'm actually crying that is so funny oh my god I used to do that all the time it's such an easy thing like men are so stupid too so like you can like white lie to pretend like you like something with them and like there's obviously like the innocent one like oh my god you like the cowboys I love the cowboys easy you buy a fucking jersey you shake your tits every Sunday and you watch Peyton Manning or who who's the that's not you whatever whatever fucking quarterback he's retired um whatever quarterback and you're fine you're fine but when those lies baby girl impact your life to the point where it takes over your life to the point where you're trying to run so far in the other direction.

26:48Like you're like, like I wanted to listen to heavy metal by the time I was done with that man. Okay. EDM was so taking over my life. I was like, I want screamo music. How about that? I want to fucking bash my head into the wall and I want to go listen to Metallica. It really can drive you somewhere where you didn't necessarily intend to be, but you're kind of fucked. So take care of yourself, girl. And honestly, like get a sleep mask, some earplugs, set the alarm for your normal time and let's see if this man can respect your fucking boundaries oh that was a good one please comment down below what are some embarrassing lies that you said to a man that like seemed like so innocent at the time like oh this will just make this a little easier and then you were so far down in the lie train that you're like oh my god why did i ever lie to this man now i have to pretend to like this for the rest of my life

27:51call her daddy is brought to you by sofi the all-in-one finance app where you can bank borrow and invest all in one place let's talk bank accounts for a second the average bank savings rate is 0.39 % in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it doesn't have to be that way, daddy gang. With SoFi's high yield checking and savings, the money barely making moves sitting in your savings account can earn over eight times the national average savings rate with eligible direct deposit, no account or overdraft fees. You can get your paycheck up to two days early, Plus get an epic welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit.

28:32Sign up for SoFi checking and savings at SoFi.com slash call her daddy today. SoFi checking and savings is offered through SoFi Bank and a member FDIC term supply. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Sephora. From less is more days to full glam routines, everything you need for all things beauty is at Sephora. Yep, Sephora is where you will find the hottest, newest products you won't find anywhere else. the ones popping up in every Get Ready With Me. Think summery fragrances like Kali Eden Plush Pair 23 Eau de Parfum. Next level makeup, the skincare that keeps you glowing like it's your full-time job.

29:10Shop the newest, hottest beauty only at Sephora. Next. Hey father, I have been no contact with my mom for almost a year after realizing in therapy that my anxiety came from being her emotional support growing up. My brother is also no contact, but my sister still has a close relationship with her My sister understands why we stepped away and even acknowledges the unhealthy dynamics But she refuses to set boundaries or be honest with our mom It's starting to strain our relationship because I don't understand how she can see the issue and still stay so close Do I confront her about it and try to convince her to go no contact or just let her have her own relationship with our mom?

29:49Okay, um whoa That is damn going no contact with a parent is from what I understand I've never done it but I've talked to friends who have done it I've talked to therapists like it seems like one of the most painful decisions that you really have to make in your life because that means that you're at one point primary caregiver or lack thereof should have been um has pushed you so far to a point that you have essentially had to cut them off in a way that like literally feels like death like it feel and it's almost harder than that because you're like they're still out there but I am actively choosing to not engage in a relationship with them and the strength that it takes to do that I commend anyone who has been able to do it because from what I've talked with therapists and everything like it is one of the hardest decisions you'll ever make in your life not Because like it's hard to not give in to a parent, right?

30:49Who raised you no matter how toxic they are. What I feel like with your sister and I had a situation in my life recently that's not fully applicable, but like when it came to grief, we were talking about it and like I was watching two people grieve so, so differently and so it was just such a significant difference and they were just as close to the same person and it was a whole thing and you're watching these two people and you're like wow how can two people grieve so differently but that's life right like their relationship to the person clearly was different in their eyes and their reactions are different and their emotions are different and that's you and your sister like this doesn't mean that your sister is not so wounded on the inside and in so much pain and wanting your mom to get healthy and to not do what she's doing but your sister has not been able to go no contact for a reason that I almost think you can empathize with her while still maintaining boundaries.

31:45I think you going no contact is your decision. But to try to like pull your sister into that, I actually think it will only make you feel like you could she will feel resentment almost towards you if she decided to do that for you and not for herself. I also think what's probably really painful for you is like this is your mother and in some way you had you made the hard decision to go no contact but your sister is still speaking to her and so I don't want to speak for you but I'm trying to put myself in your shoes like there also could be some subconscious thing where you're also feeling guilty like she hasn't abandoned mom even though we all should abandon this woman but I have and like the only tie I still have to my mother is through my sister and so you're seeing still the dysfunction through your sister and that's understandably so triggering to you and so you want your sister to get removed from it so you are fully removed from it and I think the answer to this is you need to just set boundaries with your sister I never want to tell you what to do with mom I know we all have such different situations with her and I know it is beyond complicated but I have made such a painful decision for myself that I knew I needed to go no contact and in order to maintain a relationship with you I need you to respect my no contact with mom which means I don't want to hear about her like when we're together I need us to talk about our relationship and what's going on in your life in my life and I do not want to know or talk about mom because you're the only thing in my life that's threading me to her and I have actively made the decision to remove her from my life overall I just will say like and I talk about this all the time with my mom and my therapist and my friends like family shit when it comes to parents who are dysfunctional and immature toxic abusive it is one of the biggest mind fucks you will ever experience in your life and I have so much empathy for I've watched so many of my friends go through this and it is it is it ruins families it ruins um parts of your life until you're able to be like oh my god I can't let this fucking person control my life anymore yes you were my mother or my father growing up but like this is my life and I need to take ownership of it and get away from you because you're so fucking toxic but saying that about a parent it like it's close to impossible right especially a mother like you came out of this woman like this woman is a part of you you are a part of her like there's so much complexity there if you guys would ever want me to have like a therapist on to talk about like the specifics of dysfunction in families when it is stemming from one of the parental figures I would be more than happy to do that um and even if you guys write in like really specific scenarios because I bet a therapist would be so helpful in breaking that down of how to handle those situations I remember back back in the day one of my episodes I did was cutting off a parent who is narcissistic and I had a therapist on and so many of you really related and it broke my heart because I think it's more common to have a parent like that than to have a healthy parent and that is so unfair to the child who is now an adult and you know experiencing the repercussions but I believe you can do this and I really I think that your sister will understand I think it's just going to take a couple of hard conversations.

35:26Okay, next. Hi, Alex. I need some help. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. I love him and he's my best friend, but I feel like I'm not sexually fulfilled by him. In the past, I've been with toxic men and the sex was really good. I can't tell if I'm just settling now or maybe I'm not recognizing a healthy connection. I feel like I need a dominant man and I can't communicate that to my partner without killing the vibe help oh fuck it's so hard when you go from like toxic men to like a healthy man and you're like all right you're like cracking your neck you're like this is good for us and your brain is like toxic and you're like no this is stable and they're like let's go back to johnny and you're like shut the fuck up johnny was horrible to us and it's like but the sex was fun and we were on the edge and you're like stop it your brain does such crazy things to you when you've been in these like toxic push and pull relationships they're toxic and they're toxic for a reason but when you get out of them there's a romantic a romanticization I don't know if I just said that right and a glamorization that happens in our brains where it's like we lose all of the negativity and then we just like remember the good and then all of a sudden And we're like, that was such a thrill.