The Roast of Dave Portnoy

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy. Dave Portnoy, welcome to Call Our Daddy. Thanks. When's the last time you were here with me? I haven't been on, you haven't invited me on your show since you've been on your own. My Spotify deal. I did. Since I own my IP? Yes, correct. Which we gave you, yes. So we're at the Kentucky Derby. Yeah. You brought your new girlfriend. Not my new girlfriend. We have to get into it immediately. You went viral because you were at the Celtics game and you brought a date. Right. And you idiot. I show up today to do this interview with Dave and he what is her name?

0:43You're not going to say. Are you going to sit in silence the whole episode? If it's going to be with that. Yeah, I am. How did you decide to bring this amazing, beautiful woman here today in my presence and think I wasn't going to bring it up? Well, because it's like, well, we're friends. So are we friends? You and I friendly. How would we define our relationship, Dave? You didn't invite me to a wedding, but I guess you didn't invite any of the crew either. So that's fine. Okay, it was a small wedding. Yeah. Would you invite me to your wedding? Absolutely. Are you ever going to get remarried? Probably not.

1:20You would invite me to your wedding? Absolutely. Really? Yes. I don't believe you for a second. I would. You're saying that because you know you're never going to get remarried. Hand to God, if I get married, you will get an invite. You kind of like me. Yeah, we're friendly. Do you miss me at Barstool? No. You miss the paycheck? Yeah, sure. Call your daddy made us a lot of money.

2:00Okay, so I feel like there are so many celebrities here. Who have you randomly hung out with that's such a random celebrity? The first time I met Tom Brady was here, so that was big for me. Guess what I found out last night? He's not coming. Tom Brady was supposed to come to the Unwell event last night, and then he canceled his entire trip. Why? I have no idea. He had like 10 tickets and he canceled everything. To the Unwell? Where was it? Or just to the Derby? To the whole Derby, but he was coming to my event last night. Well, yeah, he's like - Did that make me cool? Give me like - Well, no, he didn't come.

2:28I mean, coulda, woulda, shoulda. You get no credit for like he coulda come. But he was going to. Has he ever come to one of your fucking parties? Has Tom Brady ever been to Super Bowl parties? To one of our personal event parties? I don't know that he has, but I don't care remember the last time he threw a party. Okay, let's circle back. Are you a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio?

2:50He's a good actor. What else do you have in common though, if you have anything in common? Any similarities, Dave? I think I'm more outgoing probably, like he hides himself. Well, you also have something in common where you like to date young women. well i don't know if that's always the case but i mean i was married for a long time you are married no i was you did you get a divorce no that's true that technically is true we tried to our defense we tried and it got denied that is the biggest crock of motherfucking shit you said that to me on tour and i don't believe you for a second you're like i tried to get divorced hand to god you want me you you want me to text her right now say did we file the paperwork did we go to the judge and the judge looked at it and said nope yeah call renee up let's go i don't fucking believe you for a second this was a ploy for you no you're not actually doing it this was a ploy that you tell girls so that you can't marry them i'm convinced there's no fucking way let's call renee text her say i'm on a show right now and i need to clear my name Alex Cooper wants to why would you not be able to get a divorce clearly you don't know the first thing about law because it's the truth Dave why aren't you divorced because she and I have a great relationship yeah well I don't know why I'm holding this and you don't want to give her your money no no no it she we have the perfect relationship we're best friends so it the and the judge looked at it we didn't want to split we didn't want to change how we're doing things we just want a legal divorce and the judge said nope he has too much money and wouldn't accept it no literally play that back you have too much money you can't get divorced said who the fuck ever you little piece of shit because they're like he's trying to screw you and it i wasn't no this doesn't make sense go ahead i'll give you a minute dexter wait by the way i just got i just got a text from tom brady's people was brady actually going to the show uh to alex's unwell event last night laugh my ass off that's one of the funnier rumors i've ever heard i didn't ask is swearing by it He was 100 % coming, canceled the whole trip last minute.

5:04Where'd that come from? I mean, I know she's well-connected, so maybe some mutual friends had told her something I don't know about. But no, he had an F1 event last night. You better come stronger than this, Alex. We have connections too, my friend. This better not be on the cutting room floor either. Who is texting you that right now? Tom Brady's right-hand man used to be my right-hand man. Dave, I haven't said this publicly yet. I haven't even said anywhere that he was coming here. So who said that? Someone over there? What do you mean? You just said it to me. And so did you text someone? Yes.

5:31No, it was texted over there. So you motherfuckers texted someone to see? Yes. You little piece of shit. I swear to God he was coming. Direct from Tom Brady. Not true. Tom was coming to my party. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. You were going to get a divorce. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Bitch. Fucking bitch. I'm going to get it right now. Okay, let's talk about the Celtics. All right. How old are you? I have. Don't answer that. Twenty. Don't answer that. Way young. Twenty one. Way off. You're way off. 24. Way off. Give me a little nod. No. Come on. The girls stick together. No. 20. Girls do not stick together.

6:10We're not talking about it. 25. Thank you. My girl over there gave me a little. So I'm on a date. Who cares? Okay. So what? Okay. I have a question. Yeah. So you go to the Celtics game for anyone that lives under rocks. Dave was at the Celtics game and he chooses to bring this gorgeous blonde woman right on his arm to the game and you sit directly behind the announcers and you look like you're going to shit your pants when it goes live right the guys are like here we are at the celtics game and dave is like i'm gonna fucking kill myself why did you bring a date to the celtics game if you didn't want to be seen so i've already explained this but no one listens to bff yeah that's not true everyone listens to what i say i'm just kidding love you josh here we go okay I usually if I go to Celtics games I sit on the court like center court very vocal very like yeah it is a flex so um I always go Celtics games I'm from Boston I'm a diehard Celtics fan okay Celtics ended up playing Miami playoffs I live in Miami I did not take courtside seats I turned them down I bought seats in the corner such a martyr yes I bought seats in the corner they fell through okay MB who works for us bought replacement tickets it was a deal game time bought the tickets i had no idea where they were walked in you know you show the usher where are we sitting we sat down i said oh fuck we're right behind here two minutes later on tv we got up and left okay question how many dates have you had to have been on with a woman to bring her out in public to event like that like how many have she and i been on yeah we've be honest hung out a decent amount okay what does that mean we've hung out a decent amount what does that mean i hung out a decent amount like she lives in boston so we do bursts if she she was here for the week that's why she's here now which i thought you'd have some decency and not bring it up but we gotta entertain the people this isn't entertaining i think this is so entertaining this is amazing so if you were on a first date would you ever bring a girl to a celtic no so this is serious no that doesn't mean that either you hang out in bursts correct who says that well if you don't live in the same area so like I've known her for a decent amount of time um okay how would you describe your type other than young who said it was young I don't know Dave your track record it'd be like saying like I liked athletes no listen I don't it's I you are attracted to who you're attracted to or hang out who you hang out with but I'm in a young world so I tend to meet younger people i'd love to listen if if she was 35 or anyone's 35 i don't discriminate okay i'm gonna play a little game with you i'm gonna give you a scenario and you're gonna tell me i thought you're gonna be a lot nicer we were talking before i'm like maybe don't come she was a fan it's like no trust me me and alex are friends she won't mention this is good this is good people will love this sick this is this is good you guys hang out in spurts this is one of the spurts we gotta capitalize like i gotta get those views and who better to use for views than you okay i'm gonna give you a scenario and you're gonna tell me how you would react you walk in on the girl you're talking to going through your phone what would you do break up with her immediately yes would you say something like get the fuck off my phone you're like what are you doing oh we'll see you have something to hide no just there's no trust yeah how do you think she got your password do you have an easy password yeah i mean i get hacked all the time is it zero zero zero i i don't i i don't really try to hide things so yeah i'm easily hackable and i've been hacked many many times yeah yeah we've seen okay she asks you to buy her a chanel bag after the seventh date she asks asks you break up really yeah what's the most expensive thing you've ever bought a girl a g-wagon yeah the g-wagon that was fucking crazy but for that example like she never asked for that you were just so generous well she i want to get her something nice yeah good boyfriend she asked you to hire her as barstool talent uh no chance no chance no not even if she was so fucking funny i have a lot of girls who who in my dms at one point waver between like wanting a job and wanting to like have sex go on a date i i didn't say sex as a date that's i said sex yeah yeah yeah separate business pleasure okay she's really into toe sucking no not my thing i wouldn't break up i just like no thanks you're sucking your toes i don't like any of that would you suck her toes i'd rather not she has a passion for making sex tapes and says come on one more won't hurt would you do it for the love of your life even if you knew it was going to get leaked again oh yeah i don't care i don't care about being leaked that's not me i care about the the girl so if the girl's fine with it i don't care okay let's talk about taylor swift Love her.

10:58Okay. You're a huge Swifty. Huge. When did your love for Taylor start? So it really started when Kanye and Kim fucked her with that editing her like voicemail about the lyrics. That was the big, I always liked her music, but that really made me team Taylor. And then I really hate Kanye so much that the more I hated Kanye, the more I started liking Kim, Taylor, and I hate Kim. So it all played together and then I just became a bigger Taylor. So would you say that you're a big Swifty fan because of like the personal shit rather than the music or you do like combo? But I feel like a lot of I feel like I've had a lot of I can feel for her message of like when people are lying about you and making stuff up.

11:43I feel like that's happened to me quite a bit. So I resonate with that. And I am a very like vengeful person. OK, aside from Kim, if you had to pick like who would be your favorite Kardashian? in well chris is a savage right yeah i mean she basically hoarded daughter out to start an empire now d just because you make a sex tape me being example doesn't guarantee you endless success lots of people had sex tapes and turn nothing she's brilliant yeah smart savage so she's an interesting one she may be the one i'd like from a business side really be like man how'd you do that i would like to have a martini with her yeah she she's brilliant yeah people i don't like them you can't deny it poo poo their brilliance their business geniuses okay so do you feel like i'm shitting on you too much should you tell me like a sad story from your childhood i don't think you're shitting on me we're just having a little fun yeah i mean i listen did you want the call her daddy treatment like dave portnoy welcome to call her daddy let's go back to the beginning tell me what happened in your childhood that fucked you up so hard i don't have anything like that i was actually wondering what you were going to talk to me about and then i gave you but i did think you would not talk about her why i don't know you're making me seem like a bad person you've never had an ex that it's like well you don't want to make them upset no for sure but i also like we're in the public you gotta fucking if you're gonna she's not yes she is there's 19 cameras in this room and she's sitting in the room they're not on her we're gonna leave her in the rain it's pouring rain leave her out there on the racetrack yeah but you you know you're gonna be filmed here filmed film what do you mean filmed i've come to the kentucky derby six to ten times i've never been on tv never nothing at the derby they're treating you guys better than they treat me which is bananas because i'm like the biggest horse fan in the country first of all films as in yeah no tv no one gives a fuck about tv dave iphones internet i don't care about that okay so then you don't care about being seen with her so why do you care about me talking about it there's different platforms like being on the celtics game and call her daddy well she she's not on the couch should we bring her over no definitely not no shot no shot when did you lose your virginity can you tell me your virginity story late late yeah it was freshman year college okay tell me the story no yeah what the fuck tell you this story tell me the story it was my girlfriend we had sex like that's the story it wasn't anything crazy so when do you think you turned kinky

14:32anyone that's not watching he's like fiddling his toes at that question i'm trying to think about take your time probably like i don't know after my marriage maybe oh we weren't overly kinky yeah okay so you don't you don't have any sad stories you can tell me from your childhood so we can really like make this a full 360 episode i'm not one of your sad like rehabilitation yeah yeah we gotta do a little therapy i i have not no you never sat alone at lunch i was popular all the way through no you fucking weren't of course i was you were popular in high school personality no shot like always a funny guy and you didn't get bullied in high school no i was the kid at like growing up recess i pick who plays recess in elementary school yeah that's cool kid okay back to taylor do you think she knows you exist yes really yes really yes why i i know she's seen videos that i've made like really defending her yeah and like travis kelsey kind of runs in circles that aren't too different from some of my circles okay does that make you excited no what why i mean i want to meet her but i want to say it makes me excited yeah it's more It's more like, as much as I talk about her, I'd love to meet her.

15:47And she's so talented. But no, that makes me excited. Okay, do you think Taylor and Travis are going to get engaged? Yes. Okay, what's the timeline? Like, when are they getting engaged? Year, within a year. How do you think he's going to do it? Well, I have no idea. How did you do it? We went to a resort in Cape Cod. And, like, I had a nice little thing, yeah. Was it a nice ring? Yeah, I mean, I was broke then. I actually bought my buddy there. One of his friends Like family friends Had a ring store So I got through him Okay what do you think They're gonna name their first kid Do you think They'll have a kid Travis and Kelsey Yeah Travis and Kelsey Travis and Taylor I have no fucking clue Let's get Amy That would be great That would be fucking crazy That would be great Let's guess right now So what if we get it right Just pick names out of a hat Okay Is it a boy or a girl It's a boy It's probably gonna be like

16:41what's Mahomes' first? Patrick probably named after Mahomes. That's fucking weird. It won't shock me. Isn't that a little weird? I think Taylor has like more class than that. She'd be like, we're not. Oh. I mean, she's into like Travis is a meathead. Like she's into the whole meathead thing right now. Everything she's doing, she hasn't done before. Do you like it? Like, do you think it's good? I like her whole story. Like that's as I become more of a Swifty, like the latest album and Swifties go crazy which I don't know as much of her but every lyric everything like has a story to it which I like I like it's not just the music it's her storytelling the lyrics oh my god the smallest man that ever lived yeah I like that song do you think an ex would ever write a song about you like that bad like have you ever fucked over someone that bad that's like a really dark song I don't think I've fucked people over like that I'm sure maybe other people think i don't know i i feel like i'm pretty straightforward you know that you people can say whatever they want about me i'm pretty honest and straightforward do you think a lot of people hate you hate no do you think anyone hates you yeah i know some people hate me for sure who we have some mutuals we have some mutuals yeah we have some mutuals oh oh yeah yeah yeah which is your doing not mine that was your doing they fucking hate me because it that was my doing that was your doing how was that my doing that was your doing nothing is ever my fault this is all on you how is it my doing what are you talking about what are you talking about the same thing i don't know are we talking about i feel like we are are we talking about like a little no you there's two people oh Oh, a man that wears a suit like you?

18:26No, not him. Oh, oh, oh, fuck him. Fuck him. All right. I met you. Who did I meet? Who did I meet? You. Who brought trash into my life? You. That's a fact. Okay, I did bring trash, but then you took the trash out, and you tried to get rid of me too. No, that's a lie. I'm just kidding. That's a total lie. I'm just being dramatic. Yeah, that's a total lie. Okay, I did bring trash into your life. I sat in a room and looked at him. A room, oh my God. I don't like him, but I guess we have to bring him along. I was right. Okay, you were right on that, and I actually regret that to this day. Yeah. I like vouched for him, and then he shit on us.

19:15Yes. Yes. Do you think people know what we're talking about? I don't know. This probably will not make the - Are you still looking for your court documents? I'm going to just text her. okay let's take a pause and you just text her really quickly why am i so obsessed with your divorce probably because i think you're using it as like an excuse to not get too close to women like you you use it as like oh i'm sorry i can't move forward with you because i'm still married that's just not true that's your trauma let's dive into it did we try to legit get divorced and get denied by a judge. Divorced. And please explain why we got denied.

19:52We weren't. I was trying to buy a house in Nantucket. Okay. Most expensive house ever sold in the history of Massachusetts. Okay, your dick is so fucking big. If I, the judge wanted me to give her half of everything I had. And why wouldn't you? Because we had been separated for 10 years and we exist. And if she wants something, she gets it. Like she has access to my bank account still. So she has access. to it if we do that it changes everything on how we operate our lives she didn't want it i didn't want it so why didn't she tell them that she did and they said no fuck you no no divorce why don't you just give her half your money because then she we both want the best for each other like i couldn't get the house if we did that i couldn't do this it we didn't want it how much was the house again 40 million yeah 42 million how much are you worth a lot a lot yeah do you think i'll get there one day see how your barstool junior for women goes i mean that's what it is right i can't believe you just made fun of me i'm doing a great job how did i make fun i'm running a company how did i make fun i said it's barstool 2.0 that's what i did

21:26Okay, you're a Swifty. I haven't seen these. You're right. No, I actually haven't. I haven't. We're about to play a game. Yeah. Okay. I don't believe you. So. Why'd you hand me this one? I don't know. Do you want a different one? Just want to make sure you give me a new one. Pick a fucking card. No, I got it. I'm good with this. You're good with yours? Do you want to trade? Nope. I'm good. Okay. so we're gonna read a lyric to a taylor swift song let's see who knows the lyrics more oh this is gonna set me up for failure yeah well fail um okay so when it's where it says read we're gonna read it and then the other person has to answer what they think the rest of the lyric is from a taylor i'm gonna suck okay ready new money i'm not a lyric guy everyone knows i can't do this this game sucks just play just have fun dave i i can't have fun you were that kid on the playground that was like a little fucking shit well i don't i didn't get my team so i don't want to play i'm Andy Bernard.

22:12I don't play games that I know I can't win. New money, suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine. New money, suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine. Take a guess. Blank. Actually, that's the name. Yeah, blank space. Yeah, but I don't know lyrics. Take a guess. I don't know lyrics. Dave, you have to play. I have nothing. Okay, read me one. Let's fucking see if I can get it. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. Oh, that's easy. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby. Just say yes. Right. So you're a huge Swifty? Yes. Dave, what do you think I was doing crying in my bedroom when I was in high school?

22:55Crying in my bedroom when I was in college? I'm absolutely, I'm glad you brought that up. Okay. Because I was part of your live show. I am calling absolute bullshit that you were the ugly girl crying in your room. I was. No, you weren't. You are pretty. You put up these pictures. You're like, I was the ugly girl. And then you put up like a stunning picture. She was crying in her room in college. Not in college. College, I was hot. College, I was hot. End of high school, I was hot. It was like elementary school was like really tough for me. Elementary school? Elementary school and like freshman year of high school.

23:33And then I got a glow up. Okay. But like you had a glow up. So you know how it feels. I said I was always immensely popular my whole life. But you weren't cute. No, but I wasn't being picked on. What age did you get cute? When I got money. Yeah, you got that new hair. Your hair looks so good. This is not new hair. Well, how long have you had it? My life. Fuck you. This is my, this, what you're looking at is my hair. No, but you re-implanted it from the back. Not on the front. On the front. No. Where? Back. Oh. the front this is my real hair hair i was ahead of the game this is my hair you were nothing has been touched on the front of my head really i don't remember that hairline in some old pictures you know why because i was working 100 hours a day eating baguettes and sitting and like grinding so you could come in and be like i want more money like five seconds into it when i had been doing it for 20 years that's why you don't remember okay but yeah you weren't good looking either so we're both little but i never i never have complained like oh whoa is me yeah but you got roasted online for it yeah i don't care i still get roasted online for it people don't say i'm good looking now i think people think you're good looking now all right hit or miss better better well same with saying much they'll try to find pictures and be like look she was yeah i don't care look what money can buy you i'm like exactly yeah i have no problem with that god fucking bless it is what it is a little bit of but have you ever had botox no would you ever get it no Raise your eyebrows.

25:03Huh. You have like a good size forehead. Thank you. Okay, back to our name. That's very nice. No, that is. I know. Okay, now I'm down. Oh, okay. You fucking know this. This is from the new album. Now I'm down bad crying at the gym. Now I'm down bad. Down bad. I'm down bad. That's the name of the song. I'm down bad. Down bad. I'm down bad. Finish the fucking lyric. I don't know lyrics. Just guess. Okay, you actually have to say this one. Now I'm down bad crying at the gym. I'm down bad. Then you think that's the next line? I don't know what the next line is. I just know the song is called Down Bad.

25:37Okay, just try. Down Bad. You think the next line is Down Bad? I'm crying out Down Bad. I don't know the lyrics. Everything comes out teenage petulance. I don't know. Like, I'm a Jimmy Buffett fan. I've listened to a million, zillions. I still sometimes don't. I don't. Lyrics don't work in my head. Do you like pina coladas? Getting lost in the rain. Is it getting lost or getting caught in the rain? Getting caught. oh you're really fucking bad yeah like music can't carry a beat can't do anything mr bajoukas told me i had to lip sync in my elementary school uh graduation the trauma is coming out now mr bajoukas yeah he told you you had to lip sync yeah isn't that the antithesis of what a music teacher especially because i'm loud too and offbeat give me a beat go sing do you like pina coladas do you like pina coladas or getting caught in the rain yeah definitely lip sync i'm not good at that okay do we give me one i stay out too late oh you're getting the easy one okay i haven't looked at this page give me read this all right this one's harder okay sometimes you just don't know the answer till someone's on their knees and asks you oh man this is from evermore or folklore someone's on their knees and asks you you would have made such a lovely bride what a shame she's in the head so you're you but you'll find a real one instead okay you'll pack up your top of the that I had.

26:57So what kind of Swiftie are you to be like, I want Kim Kardashian on this show? Bang. No, no, no. I was thinking. I rarely pause. Let me think about that. You have me speechless, Dave. Yeah, because if you're actually a real Swiftie, you know how she feels about Kim. This is the thing. I don't think I'm like intertwined in like Taylor's personal life. I love her music. Is that fair? Yeah. And I feel like you're intertwined in her personal life and you don't know as much clearly about her fucking music. Well, I'm bad at lyrics. No, that's not fair. You're bad. You don't know her songs. No, I know her songs, but not as well as hardcore Swifties.

27:36For sure. I'm open about that. Okay, if you are an actual Swifty, you can get this one. I want to be your endgame. Go.

27:46I need to hear... Picture Taylor's in the room right now. I need to hear beats and stuff. I want to be your endgame. Nah. I want to be your... wife dave you're so fucking bad at this game i could have told you i'd be bad do you think that's problematic if i would want to have taylor and kim on the show oh my imagine if i got them for a sit down i would call you i would call you like the greatest ever do it if you did that if you got the two of them together that would be you can't top that no and i know i could never do that because they would never do that if you can do that you can do anything are you having fun oh i don't know if it's fun that won't be the word are you feeling entertained yeah it's entertaining let me see if i got the text yeah yeah yeah text did she answer issue wake all right

28:42i have a ridiculous question i'll explain later did we try to legit get divorced and get denied by a judge yes twice oh can i read your text miss pisha's paused up when she answered the phone so cute awesome video but oh you too would you ever get back i feel like you guys are endgame no she's got a boyfriend i kind of like ship you guys i don't i don't have a girlfriend she has a boyfriend she's had for a long time but maybe best friends but maybe she's waiting for you to come back get be done with all the youngs come back are we just gonna ignore the fact that i was dead ass right no pretend that because she's your fucking wife and she knows you're always up to like weird shit so she knows so no matter how that was answered no matter how that was answered in the exact way i described i wasn't gonna get crazy no i need to see the documents that would be like if i texted matt being like i'll explain later um i didn't kill someone right on this day he'd be like absolutely not babe love you so much i have the documents you'll find it and then i'll post it on social media okay it's crazy this is like my first derby can i go bet with you yeah if you want it's um we bet a lot like how much hundreds of thousands do you have a gambling problem no do you think you'll go into debt no gambling's made me all my money what's the most you've ever bet on a single game million dollars what the fuck is wrong with you what we won michigan beat alabama oh wait that's the You went viral recently for that, right?

30:14Or was that a wild one? I've won$5.4 million this year. Were you literally clenching your asshole the entire game? I was with my mom. So I went to Michigan. So I'm Michigan grad. Oh, you went with your mom? So it was the Rose Bowl. Were you holding her hand, squeezing it? We were tight. Yeah, it was very exciting. And I have a lot of money. So it's all relative. Have you ever given someone a million dollars? Yeah, we just gave a cop who got killed in line of duty$2 million. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wait, that's fucking amazing. Mm-hmm. And Stuley's raised half of it. I matched. what are you worth like 400 million no not that much 300 200 probably yeah probably a little no more than that probably like 250 something like that 243 i don't know um so how much money should i bet are you cheap i don't know what is cheap well like do you care about money like i'm easy i if i lose 100 grand today i don't care what i mean i care but i don't care so why don't you care i don't know it's just money did you grow up rich no middle class but not rich like my parents when they walked in like the first time they see me they cry like wait when your parents see you they cry no like the first time they like walked into my house miami montauk my mom like just starts crying oh because she's so proud of you yeah it's just like you can't really imagine it's like a crazy well no i'll give you credit for five seconds and stop fucking around for two seconds I think what you everyone can try to like discredit what you do and like people can be like oh he's like a piece of shit and he's a misogynistic fuck and like he's crazy and like he's a piece of shit but I think you're really smart and what you've built is like no one can discredit that like you're really you may want to discredit the misogynist stuff since we've had like the most female success of any company like ever

32:25Miss Peaches. The best. She's the best. She's the best. She's also wildly famous. Okay. Do you think she's more famous than Henry if he had an Instagram? Is that a real question? Oh, my God. You don't think Henry's nearly. Oh, my God. Dave, I can't walk in New York City when I'm there without every five seconds being stopped. And people are like, oh, my God, Alex, I do love you. But sorry, I want to say hi to Henry. The same with Miss Peaches. Okay. So we should walk around the block together. I would quite literally put my life on Miss Peaches. Okay. Henry's cuter. Sorry. absolutely not true absolutely miss peaches is more popular than you guys were at your prime at pmt was at our prime at me she's more popular than anything we have are you monetizing it everything goes charity oh yeah okay do you think miss peaches and henry could date at some point no why because miss peaches had a life of too many men being forced upon her and like multiple litters so she's not dating i'm very protective of that are you gonna go get another one i'm thinking about it what are you gonna name it i don't know are you gonna do a girl or a boy the girl probably it's up to her i i don't i gotta see how she'd be with other yeah like if she wanted it's not for me it would be for her but it doesn't it make you sad when you leave her at home very much so and i when we got bruce it made me so happy because henry fucking hated bruce at first and now they're best fucking right so that's why i would think i really don't leave her very often like she comes with me almost everywhere who's watching her now uh danielle my assistant um okay as we're wrapping up i want to talk about my wedding really quickly which you didn't you were the biggest hit at my wedding what you were the biggest at your wedding yes you were what's happening no you were the biggest hit what does that mean okay let me explain you're gonna fucking die at this i died so friday night is like the rehearsal dinner and we're sitting outside and all of our friends are giving speeches and everyone's coming up and they're giving speeches and then matt's best friend was like okay we have one final like surprise and we have one person that couldn't be here but you ai'd me no dave yeah yeah we played your yeah we ai'd you no listen so it was the biggest mind fuck i'll show you it was actually really fucking cute so he brings up this giant fucking television onto the lawn and i'm like what the fuck is going on and your face comes up on the screen at my motherfucking wedding Dave okay and I'm like why would Dave have made me a wedding video like what the fuck we're close but we're not that close that he needs he can like text me and your fucking face pops up but it was like it was like a joke and you start talking for two seconds and then it cuts out and then Matt's grandmother who's 100 years old comes on but look how funny this is imagine my face when I see you pop up all right I'm on my hot boy walk here sweating bad head

35:22congratulations Matthew and Alex and then she comes on so I was at your wedding you were at my fucking wedding I knew that does that make you happy I don't know what that makes me but it shows that I'm still relevant I guess that I showed up at the wedding I think that's like your husband's ripped by the way I told her to invite you Matt did say to invite you it was kind of a no brainer oh wait did you have a wedding of course tell me everything you're going way back in wait this is fun though picturing oh my god you walked out i was poor oh wait where was your wedding newport was it nice yeah how many people it was small like 100 are all those 100 people still your friends yes okay that says a lot about you yeah how about the fact that i'm still like best friends with my ex-wife yeah that may say something okay but you want to keep looking at down but it actually may be like hey maybe he's a good dude i think it's amazing but i also like you have you didn't really say anything when i said i think you use it a little bit to like keep women at a distance no no no i did i actually said well we i tried to get the divorce and it got denied and then it was verified that before you tried to get divorced that is a cop-out you would be like oh i'm sorry i can't to get any further because no i haven't even had sir i've had like one serious relationship that's not true what do you mean it's not true didn't you have soul cycle that was not serious and that wasn't you were devastated that she did i liked her a lot i was a young pup like just out of marriage young pup yes and now you're an old pup yeah now i'm an old i have wedding merch for you Thanks.

36:59Oh, he's blushing and doing his feet thing. Should we give it to your crew? Okay, I think I'm kind of like, how do you feel? Do you have anything left to say? I have nothing left to say. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm great. How do you think this went? I don't know what your crowd will think, but your crowd loves me. Okay, hold on. They do. They do? Yeah, they do. I think they like you. No, love. Oh. They love. Why do you think they love you? I'm not quite sure. Me neither. they've ever since i hijacked your i know your stream oh you got so off on that you were like oh my god you fucking grew an inch you were so fucking happy that was fun no that was good time oh your ego was out the wall and then i was on your when i did it after and you saw the reaction i got at your show they love me oh people fucking freaked out i got some messages i felt bad people were like are you fucking kidding me like they got dave i loved it that's like the swifties when And it's like, what was those two songs she played?

37:59I meant like night one, motherfucker. I was reading all the comments like, right. Because wait, you came to Philly? You were in Philly. Did you enjoy my live show? Yes, it was different than what I didn't know what to expect. But it was more like a Broadway show. Were you impressed? Yeah, it was very well done. Thank you. Yeah. I appreciate that. Raunchy. Like I thought you kind of left the raunch when you left Barstool. I had to stay true to the beginning. And then we started in the raunch. And then I sat down and did an interview. Yeah. And also it's fun to be raunchy and have fun, you know?

38:29No, I do appreciate it. I've seen interviews for the most part, not as many when people try to trash us to you. You've defended us for the most part. I always defend you. Yeah. I always remember where I came from. Yeah. I'm never going to be like, fuck Barstool. Although I like have a couple like qualms still with like my data and like my bonuses. But like, other than that, do you still owe me money, you think? Fuck no. Why not? What were you doing before us? I was unemployed. I was on unemployment checks vlogging it up yep okay do you want your wedding merch? sure Dave thanks for coming on Call Our Daddy wait rate it one out of ten what am I going to do with this?

39:07I'll give it to your assistants am I just going to hold this for two days straight at the track? never mind never mind don't give it to him ungrateful okay rate this interview were you impressed? yeah the lyrics thing you really fucking flop I can't do lyrics, so that was an F. Clearly. Lipstick. It was like A minus B plus. You have trauma. I'm going to find it. Next interview. Next interview, we're going to do Dave Portnoy. Welcome to Colorado. To invite me on. What, do you have no one else here? I thought you were going to do a whole thing of interviews here. No, you're the only person I'm doing.

39:44They told me. I think you'll do good numbers.

39:52Thank you. All right. Bye. Bye. Thank you.