Why Am I Never Horny?

0:02What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Hello. Hello. Is everyone there? It's me. Hi, Daddy Gang. So last week I did a mini episode and I just did a solo talking about how to cope with getting cheated on. If you didn't listen to it, go listen to it. I thought it was a pretty good one. And I kind of liked the format of just sticking to a topic for an episode. And so today I wanted to have a conversation because I was reading some of your DMs and a lot of people were kind of writing similar questions about why am I never horny or how to reset my sex life with myself or with my partner or in the dating game.

0:58And I thought it was a great question because I feel like back in old call her daddy days, I used to act like I was the horniest person and I was having so much sex and like I never had any issues. And it was like, that's just not fucking realistic. So I would like to announce that I go through many periods where I have no sex drive.

1:40I think as women, it's really fucking hard sometimes to regulate or to have any type of predictable sex drive. There probably are people that are going to listen to this that are like, I can't relate at all. Like I'm always horny or I've never been horny and I'm just like always dry and like nothing is happening down there. But after talking to a lot of my friends about this, and now I want to talk to you guys about it. I go through so many different seasons of horniness. I feel like it's so frustrating. And I do feel like hormonally, like it is more with women than men. I feel like men can get fucking hard at anything unless they have ED and they can't get But like most men, it's like, oh my God, I just saw that woman's ankle.

2:31Like, fuck, I need to go home and masturbate. Where like, to me, seeing a man's ankle actually probably gives me the ick if I'm thinking about it, if I'm being real with you. And so it's really frustrating because I have had such a weird, not weird, I've just had a very inconsistent sexual drive over the past few years. And like, I feel like when I was in high school, I was very, very horny. Like I was always like wanted to hook up with someone and was very interested in it. And in college, I was like in between because I was like switching birth controls and I would be like super into having sex certain months.

3:11And then other months I was like, I don't need to even be looked at by another human. No one touched me. No one look at me. And then I think in my 20s, it's just been a fucking roller coaster and it's up and down every day. So if you're listening to this, I just want to normalize women. There is no rhyme or reason as to like, and I think a lot of us struggle. Like we wish we were those girls that were like horny all the fucking time. Like, and I'm sure they wish they weren't or you know what I mean? Like vice versa. Like we all want what we can't have, but I just think it's important to normalize.

3:43Like it's really a hard thing to deal with because it's out of your control in some capacity. but today I'm going to tell you how to not have it be out of your control if you are someone that on certain even days of the week you're hornier than not like it's so annoying to me and I guess again it's a hormonal thing where like I get so fucking horny on my period and it's just what it is and then there's some people that are like oh I don't even like want to fucking think about I mean I've heard people that are pregnant that are like I have never wanted to fuck my partner more than ever than when I'm pregnant.

4:20And it's like, okay, go off. Like there's no rhyme or reason. So if you are listening to this and you're someone that's really struggled with your sex drive, I have empathy for you and I see you and you're not alone. But something that I have started to do in the past, I would say like few years, that's really allowed me to kind of not rely on the fact that your sex drive is so inconsistent. And I was like, you know what, there's a way to somewhat affect it and somewhat have a say in how I'm feeling day to day with regard to if I want to have sex and if I'm horny. I think that when we talk about masturbating, it's like, I also even hate the word like masturbating.

5:05Like it sounds dirty and what, I don't know. It's like, how about like enjoying yourself, pleasuring yourself, getting off, like having a fucking incredible orgasm. I think that because I was never raised, like we're taught how to have safe sex. We're never taught to have like, this is how you masturbate. Like why the fuck is there not a class of how to masturbate? Because once you start to actually know how to get yourself off, your life changes. Okay. And I will say that when I look back at like myself when I would try to masturbate when I was younger I kind of couldn't really climax and I couldn't have a good orgasm because I was so embarrassed even though I was alone and ashamed and like you just kind of go through all those weird things that we naturally have as women that we just get sad that like why do I feel like dirty and like a slut and all these things which fuck that but again it is what's ingrained in us from a young age finally when I started to masturbate.

6:05I would even say in my 20s college, I was like getting after it, but like, I didn't even actually have time to be like, all right, let me sit down and focus on my fucking orgasm. I will say that the first step to getting your sex life back with yourself or whoever, and, and finding a way to actually have like sexual tension within yourself, like fuck a partner for a second. Like how do we want to want to get off and how do we want to have an orgasm? the first thing is that most of the fucking time we're not having an orgasm I bet so many people are listening to this like if you have a partner or yourself like when is the last time you had a mind-blowing orgasm I bet a lot of people are listening to this thing never or you know once a month like and there's so many factors to it but what I will say is how to raise our sexual desire and our need for sex is to fucking masturbate ladies.

7:04I'm telling you that I will go through dry spells where I don't masturbate solo. And I all of a sudden will wake up one day and be like, I have not wanted to actually fuck my partner because I'm not sexually in tune with myself. I'm not actually fucking horny. And so it's like what the start of it is, is like, it's almost like if you haven't fucking driven a car in a while, like you got to like, that's the worst fucking analogy. I'm like, what is something that if you haven't like used it in a while, it takes a hot minute for it to like warm up and to get ready. It's like, if you're not constantly masturbating and being so focused on your sexual health and how you're actually like releasing stress when you fucking masturbate and you feel good and you feel connected with your body, if you're not doing that frequently, then I don't feel like I'm as in tune with myself and therefore love my partner so fucking much but like then if I can't do it for myself he's not going to be able to do it for me you know what I mean so I just want everyone to again I think the word like masturbating is so overused and then everyone just kind of tunes out it's like yeah I know but no actually when is the last time that you had an alone night with yourself you set up your room you put like you lit some candles you put like a sound machine on or you put on some like asmr porn or you like just whatever it is that like can lightly get you off but make you feel in the mood and then all of a sudden you take out your vibrator you get your lube and you just like lightly start relaxing I always put a sleeping mask over my face I'm laying there I'm chilling and I'm actually like, fuck, why don't I do this more often?

8:46That's literally how I feel. Sometimes my boyfriend is working out, he's downstairs and it's fucking 8 a.m. and I'm like, oh my God, I have some fucking me time. I whip out my vibrator, good morning. It's gonna be a great day, but first let me get myself off. And so there's something to be said for actually being intentional about the time that you spend with yourself away from a partner, even if you're single. masturbating and getting yourself off all of a sudden if you start to be more consistent with having alone time and having orgasms alone then all of a sudden the next day you're thinking about it and then don't do nothing about it go get in your fucking bedroom good after it and then what I start to do is if I'm consistently masturbating all of a sudden I'm like let me edge myself.

9:37I'm not allowed to do it this morning. And then I'm fucking horny. And I'm like, oh my God. And then all of a sudden I'm fucking my boyfriend that night. And it's like, I don't want this to be mistaken. I think some people again have shame of like, does that mean like, that means that you're, you're not as into it with your partner? No, we handle it differently. This is not shameful. This is just a fucking guide to making sure that we're actually getting ourselves off. And it takes more for us than a guy. That is just a fucking fact. So number one, daddy gang, we gotta fucking be masturbating more and I feel like I've said this before but like maybe let's set a goal for ourselves like okay it's Sunday that you're maybe listening to this why don't you try to masturbate twice this week if you've never masturbated try it once this week or twice if you masturbate more than twice then up it by one more time and but make sure you're not doing it in a rush you're not doing it where you're having to hide it from someone like do it in the shower, like do it in bed, like do it somewhere where you can actually fucking focus on it.

10:38Because this is the point. When is the last time you had a good orgasm? It goes back to that. It doesn't matter if you're going through the motions, that's not then going to fucking make shit happen. I remember I got so high the other night, took an edible, my boyfriend was out of town. And I started masturbating. And I hadn't had one of these orgasms in a while with myself where like I was so patient and I was chilling. I had nothing to stress about. I was like, turn off the fucking lights, turn on some like light porn in the background. And I just all of a sudden was like fucking my vibrator.

11:13And I was like, oh my God, I just had the best fucking orgasm. I was like, this, I have not had that alone in a fucking while because I found myself rushing through the fucking motions of masturbating if I was ever masturbating alone. now some people may say Alex this is so wrong you have a partner your boyfriend is probably so sad that you masturbate what the fuck that's like saying that if your partner can't go to the beach with you then you shouldn't go to the beach alone because you're like cheating on your partner by going and doing something enjoyable you always have to do it with your partner what no you have to make time for your fucking self because then it also makes you crave your partner more like then I start to be like oh my god I just did this thing like I want to try it with my partner tonight like I want to now use that vibrator and do the same thing while he's fucking with me like there's just a different level of heightened sensation that you have to first achieve with yourself if you're even going to achieve that with your partner

12:28This also goes back to when people are like, I cannot fucking come when I'm hooking up with my partner, but I can alone. Okay. Well then that probably means you're not allowing yourself. Truly. This is what it was for me. And it may not be for everyone, but let me just say this. I believe that if you can have an orgasm when you're alone in your bed or wherever you are, you can have an orgasm with your partner and I think the barrier of what's not allowing you to have an orgasm with your partner is you're not relaxed is when you're alone with yourself you're completely uninhibited you can like make whatever noises you want you can hump however you want you can move your hips however you want you can like put your face in the pillow like you don't give a fuck you're just one with yourself and your body and you are focused on that orgasm when you're with a partner and if you're not fully comfortable with this person or you're not being fucking selfish enough, you are more focused on like the partnership of like going through the motions and doing the thing.

13:31There needs to be time for both of you during sex. A lot of times during sex, it should not be equal. And let me clarify, it should be equal only in terms that you're both going to get off, but you can't be actually, I mean, unless you're like, I mean, there's times obviously that my partner and I get off at the same exact time, but that's way more fucking rare. My boyfriend starts our sex almost every fucking time by like lightly giving me a little back massage or like rubbing me and like kind of like caressing me, whatever. And then he goes down on me and I'm not fucking kidding you. He goes down on me for like 20 fucking minutes and all I've ever loved about him.

14:10What? I love a lot of things about him. He is the most like giving partner. that's not to say that I don't turn right around after I come and like take a minute and then go give him head and then we start fucking but it's like if you're with someone that you're not comfortable with fully you have to ask yourself or if you are comfortable with that person daddy gang listen to me the next time you have sex you need to be selfish you need to be selfish because that's how you're going to have an orgasm and I promise you your partner's not even going going to see it as you being selfish. Your partner is going to be like, well, fuck, she hasn't actually been orgasming with me the past times we've been fucking because that was different.

14:52When you can focus on yourself in sex, you're actually going to have better sex. I don't mean like if guys are listening to this or like, like don't actually be a fucking dick and be like, I'm not even going to touch you. You just touch me. No. Like I said, it should be an equal effort, but at different fucking times have them get you off and fucking who gives a fuck if you're making a weird face or if you're groaning it's so fucking hot how hot is it when you watch your partner getting off and you're like fuck they're having an incredible orgasm like to me that gets me off I'm like damn okay babe that's how we have to think we've been trained as women specifically that like our orgasm comes second to his and our orgasm it is okay to fake it because it's harder for us but what if we change that mentality and what if we actually start to be like if he actually wants to keep fucking me he better put in the fucking work and I don't give a fuck if I take 30 minutes buck up bitch that is the energy we need and that is what's going to reignite your sex life daddy gang is taking the start of you masturbating alone, making sure you're finding that rhythm that you like, the toy that you like, the sensory things that you like around you and locking that in.

16:16And then when you go to have sex with someone, whether it's your partner or a hookup or a one night stand, whatever it is, you're selfish with your orgasm and you make damn sure you You close your fucking eyes and you let yourself go to that place where you go when you're alone. And I fucking promise you, I know it's harder said than done where you're like in the moment and he's like getting all excited and he's like fingering you and he's going too fast or whatever it is. And you literally need to put your hand on him and be like, babe, babe, slow down, wait, and take this vibrator and do this.

16:51This is the fucking energy that we need to have. Be a boss in the bedroom. Tell him what you fucking want. We think it's going to hurt their feelings. If you do it in a loving way where it's like, babe, wait, fuck, I was like masturbating. And the other day, this turned me on so much like do this to me. No person is gonna be like, what the fuck? And if they do again, little bitch boy, bye, get out of my room. Now I'll actually finish myself. So it's starting with masturbating. That way you're going to start to up your sex drive because you're so connected with yourself and you're actually enjoying your sex like this is what it comes down to daddy gang it's like and listen I get it that it can be more complicating if you're on antidepressants or medication like I get it I just want to share what's been working for me is having a consistent self-care routine with myself of getting myself off trying new things with myself so that then when I'm having sex with my partner I'm able to be like oh my god babe I got this new vibrator like I loved it I was using it the other day like can you use this on me my boyfriend's like I'm about to fucking splooge just by you talking about that yes let me get in there so I think it's the mentality and it's being intentional it sounds like I'm giving a fucking pep talk I'm like be intentional but it is it's true so I think what I will leave you with is this When we are moving forward, you cannot expect to be having your sex life and your sex drive popping off if there's fucking cobwebs around your pussy.

18:26And the only time the cobwebs are gone is if your partner is touching you. Absolutely fucking not. How are we going to be in tune when they're touching us when we don't even touch ourselves? And I know to some people like there There are certain things that may be really hard for you to try to break the stigma in your head, try to get away from like the shame. And when you were younger and like, I'm not kidding you for the first couple of years when I used to masturbate, I was like so uncomfortable. I'm not kidding you. I thought about like my parents being disappointed in me. I thought about like the fucking Catholic church hating me.

19:04Like your brain goes to weird fucking places. how about I do this as your father I'm absolving you of your fucking sins have a good fucking sex life you are alive once you deserve to have so many fucking incredible orgasms I promise you your life will be fucking better your quality of life is better and I know it sounds maybe like dumb it only sounds kind of crazy when we say it because we weren't taught this wear a fucking condom. Don't get pregnant. Like if you're ingrained in something that's so negative, it's hard to switch up the way that you view something, but it's good for us and we enjoy it and don't allow a dumb fucking old narrative.

19:54That's like such an old, old, old construct to stop you from actually enjoying yourself. How many fucking times have you been sitting here and been like, I don't know the last time I had good sex. Well, that's on you. How about that? Let's take a little fucking accountability, daddy gang. We're going to start masturbating more. We're going to start having less shame around masturbating. And we're actually going to find different ways that we can fucking get off. It's so fun once you have that first orgasm, that's like mind blowing that you're like, I want to do it again. You get addicted. You're like, yes, let me get that again.

20:27And then all of a sudden I wake up in a better fucking mood. And then all of a sudden I'm doing better at work and I'm doing better with my relationships and my friendships and my family, then you can implement that into the bedroom. But it starts with you. It's the same fucking shit in life. You can't be good in a relationship with someone if you're not good with yourself. Same fucking thing with sex. So reset your sex life. Focus on yourself and be fucking selfish. Be selfish in bed. Because truly, I mean, men, if you're listening to this, don't be fucking selfish in bed because half of you don't even know how to eat out a pussy.

21:00And that's where all stems from. It's like, give a little fucking credit to us. Like we're always putting in work for you. Go down there, figure it the fuck out and don't take any criticism. If someone is telling you something they like, listen to that. It'd be like, this is how I think about it. When someone is trying to find you a good gift and when someone gives you a gift and you don't like it and you want to return it and you want to get something that you actually will use every day. I don't understand why people get upset with that if I gave my boyfriend something and he was like oh my god babe like thank you so much this is so thoughtful I love it so much and then the next couple days he was like you know what I was thinking I love it but I I feel like I won't use this as much as maybe if I would use this like do you think it's okay if I return it and grab this I wouldn't give a fuck I'm like yes the point was for me to try to get you something that you liked what does it have on skin on my back no there's no ego like get your fucking get your gift and get what you will actually fucking use it's the same thing as sex it's like why the fuck are we going into sex with this idea of like I I'm gonna give her an orgasm by doing this well if it doesn't work and it doesn't give her an orgasm would you rather her lie and be like uh uh yeah that was so good or would you you rather her be like wait babe can you move your fingers like a little here and can you like put the vibrate oh my god yes that feels so good yes do that we love directions we love we love a little google map on the pussy we love a little like that nope nope no Alex we love direction I love when my partner is like do that we keep doing that that feel good or like wait no put your finger there oh my god that feels yeah it's your body how the fuck would I ever expect to know someone else's body better than themselves but again daddy gang you better fucking know your body better than your partner does so reignite your sex life get after it have a good fucking time and just remember like stop putting so much weight on it like enjoy it have fun with it it's like anything in life I feel like we're like when you're overthinking something you get stressed you don't want to face it you want to avoid it don't let that be your sex life sex is so fucking incredible and so fun but I will be real with you back to the beginning if I wasn't actually in tune with myself I hated having sex I was not enjoying sex when I was in my early 20s because I was just like fucking with dudes that I was like I literally went into this and I knew my partner was not going to even try to get me off and so I just like fucked him and I was like laying there and he's like oh it was so amazing and I'm sitting there like bitch I didn't even fucking get wet that was my spit like you know what I mean it's like you if you go through the motions you almost like resent sex and that I have gone through a period of my life when I was in my early 20s like I promise you daddy gang that's a lot of what I was doing and trust me I was getting the man off I was giving some great fucking head but like I wasn't enjoying it and so then at night if I was going to fuck with this guy that I was fucking I was like looking at it as this requirement and this chore that I had to check off I'm like let's just get through this because I was not fucking prioritizing my orgasm I was not being selfish and I was over fucking thinking it and god forbid you are selfish and you prioritize your orgasm and your partner's like, what are they going to say?

24:40What's taking so long? Shut the fuck up. Stay down there. Or, oh, okay. You can go jack off in the, um, in your wherever, like you can leave and go jack off. I'm going to finish myself. It takes me longer. Sorry. You can splooge in five fucking seconds. Quickie. Like most of the times we're overthinking it. Daddy gang, your partner is going to fucking love that you're prioritizing your orgasm your partner is going to be so turned on and your sex is going to be 10 times better masturbate take that masturbating into the bedroom use a fucking toy I've had people write in being like I can only fucking come when I have my vibrator on my clit perfect bring it into the fucking bedroom and if you're with a partner that doesn't let you bring a sex toy into the bedroom I'm sorry I'm so against it it's like it's so immature and it's bitch boy material it's like why are you so insecure your dick is completely fine but your dick doesn't buzz buddy my vibrator does and also while you're fucking me in my vagina hole okay there's my clit that has 10 thousand more fucking nerve endings than even your dick does so let's be a little respectful you're not even activating my clit so how am I gonna have an orgasm love your dick put it in there but I need something to also be stimulating my clit and you're lazy as fuck and your hands aren't on my clit.

25:58So let me do the Lord's work with my vibrator. Got it? Good. So please, daddy gang, have a conversation with your partner. If they are not keen on you bringing a sex toy into the bedroom, that's someone that's pretty immature and is someone that probably is very insecure. So there's a conversation you can have where you're like, babe, I love our sex so much. I also would love to use a vibrator because it will make my orgasm 10 times better I already have such an incredible orgasm with you But naturally obviously like I want to like stimulate my clit tenfold because I know my orgasm will be tenfold And if they say no, i'm not gonna lie Something like that would be that serious to me of like Well, then this is like a weirdly controlling relationship because why do you get to enjoy sex and I don't get to enjoy sex Bye Good night hang it up find someone that will fuck you with your vibrator daddy gang you enjoy the best sex that you can fucking have so daddy gang after this episode go fucking masturbate tonight masturbate this morning masturbate wherever the fuck you are find time today or tomorrow and masturbate and make it a fucking daily routine you want to go work out you want to eat clean whatever the fuck you do for self-care you do your little makeup routine you do your skincare routine fucking masturbate add it to the list bitches healthcare 101 masturbate get off have an orgasm I fucking love you guys I cannot wait for you to see who is the guest this week on call her daddy I will see you fuckers on Wednesday goodbye

27:45Thank you.