Zayn: For the First Time in 6 Years (FBF)

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy. Hey, Zane, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Hey. I'm so happy that you're here. We have to preface this with my fans are watching this like where the fuck are you guys? We are in my childhood home daddy gang. Okay, Zane and I are in my living room that I grew up in. Zane got here and has had to look at all the embarrassing childhood photos of me. thank you so much for coming i've never done an interview for the record what did you say i didn't see any embarrassing photos i think you hid them all i actually there's a couple you'll see them on your way out and then you'll never look at me the same i have never done a podcast in my childhood home so this feels like a little sentimental also you never really do interviews i don't when is the last time you did something like this i think i did an interview like six years ago was last time I did one so we're kind of like popping the cherry back off I think so yeah something like that so you're living in Pennsylvania and I obviously grew up here I loved it growing up it's very family oriented very suburban but I'm curious to know like of all the trendy spots that you could have picked why Pennsylvania um yeah it's interesting a lot of people ask me that like they always think it's super random that I live out here um I ended up coming out here with my ex a bit, and I fell in love with it.

1:36It was just super calm and chill, like you said, suburban. And I just wanted to take a break from the busy city because I was living in New York for three years at the time. And it just got a bit overwhelming, like going out of your door to just craziness all the time. So I just wanted a bit more of a surrounding that I'm used to, like where I grew up in Bradford, like in in the uk it's it's a lot more this kind of pace and vibe so um i feel like i just fit in better around here than i do in the trendy spots as it as it as it were you know yeah you give trendy vibes but i think i totally relate to that of like sometimes when you get to take that yeah yeah i give trendy vibes you give trendy vibes like look at your outfit it's like pretty swaggy but then you're also like hanging with the amish folk so it's like a good little juxtaposition zane okay but what i find interesting is i love that you said like you would be in new york city and i'm assuming you would be going out and there's paparazzi everywhere taking photos of you pennsylvania there ain't no paparazzi yeah that's a great thing are they finding you or no no no there's none out here i think there's like laws and stuff they're not allowed to even take photos in certain places oh that's amazing okay the most important question have you gone to wawa yet i have uh wow is a nighttime lifesaver out here i was like i how am i gonna get along with saying if he hasn't like had a love for wawa yet do you love it yeah like late night studio sessions there's nothing else open you have to go to wawa get the the meatball sub yeah it is so fucking superior i remember growing up and my excuse whenever i would want to go like meet up with boys would be like mom like i just want to go get a wawa sub and she'd be like you're not using wawa as your cover-up yeah okay so I feel like again you're kind of this mysterious guy Zane we don't really know too much about you you're kind of under the radar so can you take me through a typical day in the life of Zane in Pennsylvania?

3:57Like, what are we doing? Make us feel like we're a part of your life. A typical day for me is, it kind of varies. It depends, you know, like what kind of mood I wake up in. But I take it pretty easy. Like, I just, either now, because obviously I've got my daughter, like 50 % of the time, it's a balance between the two things. But when I'm by myself, a typical day is, um i'll probably wake up around like midday have a shower eat some food um and then like figure out if i'm gonna go to the studio do some writing because i've been in like writing mode for a long time just like working on my records and stuff so just yeah just getting into the studio pretty much and then i'll be there like all day until i got sleep then you're going to wawa and then i go to wawa yeah that's it yeah and stop off for a sandwich are you uh are you someone that likes to be alone um i like my own space um i like to um collect my thoughts in like a more quiet environment um i feel like when there's a lot of people around it kind of like just gets a bit hectic for me yeah i just i like to chill by myself from time to time but i don't mind hanging out with people now like on occasion you know i'm saying like it has to be the right kind of environment and have to like want to be there you know no I get that I feel like that's also growing up like I was recently talking to some of my audience I was meeting them in person and we're like it's kind of weird when you just start to grow up you just get more specific with who you want to spend your time with I think that's a healthy thing obviously you're on a even bigger stage because you were around millions of people in stadiums and tours and everything but I also think that's kind of relatable it's like you know what sometimes I want to be alone and then I'll still hang with people but like you got to be good company yeah I've always thought like um it would be you know a pretty normal reaction to feel that way around so many people I think anybody who is like overwhelmed in that manner would feel you know a certain type of way about it but um I'm definitely learning to manage it a lot better like um as I'm getting older like it's it's more of a choice you know rather than a than a hindrance it's not like I can't do that it's like I'd rather I prefer not to.

6:12Yeah, that makes sense. I own it a bit more, yeah. You obviously love music, but can you share with us, like, what are some of your other hobbies? What are you passionate about? What's other than music? Like, my main passion, I think, outside of music is art. I love to paint and I love to draw. I do a bit of cooking. Okay, tell me one of your dishes. Come on, I can't cook for shit. I can cook a lot of different things, but I like to cook meat, like, specifically. like um i have a smoker outside and i like to smoke like lamb and and i cook like my like i'll do like grilled vegetables with it and stuff is this like new or were you always good at cooking i wasn't always good at cooking unfortunately for me no my mom kind of spoiled me as a kid so when i was living by myself like at 17 there was some botch jobs done for some meals yeah it wasn't wasn't great.

7:06Some disgusting stuff was going down for sure. Yeah, horrible. Yeah, just sandwiches, you know, out of like crisps. That's kind of nice to be able to know like you can cook, you're over there painting, you can sing. Okay, no big deal. Don't keep bragging over there. Wow, making us all look bad. Do you have animals? I do, yeah. I've got a lot of animals. I have three cats, three dogs do they get along uh they're kind of like in different places i have some dogs that one part of my house and the cats in the other um the we have three turtles six chickens do you name them all no i haven't not this time i got two attached last time and it did it made maybe really sad did the chickens die yeah i took i took my chicken to to the vet to get a scan because something was wrong with her.

8:03And the vet laughed at me and said, people don't bring chickens here. And then they still charged me for an x-ray. And then I took my chicken all the way home and cried. And she died in my arms. What are you saying? I'm like not laughing because it's funny. It is kind of funny, but not because the chicken died. But it's just funny seeing me take a chicken to the vet. And when you say you're holding your chicken, like are you holding your chicken like this yeah fully on my lap yeah she died on my lap so you weren't crazy for going to the vet no yeah she had something wrong with her we tried to rescue them they were going to be uh slaughtered i think um and uh they had all kinds of things wrong with them yeah but i've got new chickens now and they're all healthy and stuff but i didn't name them for that reason okay and what are the names of the cats salem uh dobby and veto dobby is that from harry potter from harry potter he's a sphinx he's a pink sphinx yeah so he looks a little bit like w harry that's so good you're a harry potter fan i'm a big harry potter fan zane i didn't know that about you i wouldn't have pegged you as like a harry potter guy yeah this is like really good vibes it was it was my thing as a kid yeah that's really good okay and what are the dogs names um Zion, Zeus and Thumper.

9:19Thumper? With an F, yeah. Thumper? Thumper. Like Thumper, but with an F. How did you come up with that? Bambi. Thumper. The rabbit. But you wanted an F. Yeah, Thumper thought it sounded better. Yeah. It's better in my accent, Thumper. Yeah, it does sound pretty good. Something I love to do on Call Her Daddy is like, the reason we all are the way that we are is because of our childhood, where we came from, who we were raised by, our environment growing up. Obviously, you living in Pennsylvania right now is so different from where you grew up in the UK, in Bradford, like you described. Can you explain to people that may not be familiar with Bradford, like, what was your upbringing like and what was that environment like?

10:05Where do you want me to start? Just wherever it feels right. Go ahead. Yeah, Bradford's not obviously like Pennsylvania in terms of, you know, like the wealth and the a way that it's like, you know, looked after, taken care of. It's an impoverished community, you know. There's people below working class that have, you know, a hard environment that they're growing up in, you know. Everyone's kind of got some issues going on at home or something's happening, you know, even if it's on the street or whatever, wherever you go. There's a lot of confliction, you know. so it was very different to to here in that sense for sure but I'm very grateful for where I grew up because it definitely like you said shaped and molded a lot of identity for me early on I was questioned you know like interrogated about my identity because of my environment like it's just the way it is like you have to have a good understanding of who you are um and uh i'm really grateful for that you know it helped cement um my own identity myself i think when you talk about like people would question your identity i know your family is not from the uk your family is pakistani and i'm curious is that my father is my mom's english okay yeah so did are you saying like is that how that was influenced no not necessarily just in in every sense of the word like even like your fashion the clothes you want to wear the way you want to cut your hair it was always something was questioned you know if you weren't doing the norm that was like that everybody would was doing or everyone was following you know everyone would wear a certain type of pant or certain type of shoe and if you weren't dressed that way you would get questioned about it you know like people would be very like in your face and be like give you shit so you had to like have a bit about you so that you could you know know who you were and have a conversation back have a bit of wits about you as it is you know street smarts for sure you got to be able to like hold your own exactly yeah and when you say people are coming at you is it more like peer dynamics of or is it more like authoritative figures there's a yeah there's a a balance a mix sorry of everything it's um it depends you know there's there's the peer pressure in schools and stuff but then it's on the street if you go out there and stuff if you're just trying to have a good time you know like it's not um as friendly fun you know it's a bit more like um um irate there's there's there's a bit of aggression going on you know i mean yeah talk to me about where you grew up like are you in an apartment are you in a condo oh no we i grew up in a in a terraced house um uh in a rented property and we never owned our own house um so yeah it was it was a small house there was like three bedrooms kitchen living room but the streets like are all like every house is like stuck next to the one next to it you know I'm saying it's there's no space you have a garden that's like like enough for maybe a dog to sit in um so yeah it's it's a bit different for sure yeah so you have three sisters okay and so you are the one boy and three sisters what was it like growing up with all mostly women around you like how do you think that shaped you?

13:24I feel like I learned a lot of things like early on. My sisters are very opinionated, you know, they're very strong characters. And yeah, I love them. They're great. They were a lot of fun. Yeah. It was always entertaining in our house for sure. I love, I really love when I meet a guy and I'm, you can just tell that he has sisters because you can just tell the way they move around women. You guys learned what a fucking tampon is earlier. I had to go to the store and buy them. Wow. So you were like really supporting that time of the month. Yeah. Terrified. Yeah. But supportive. For sure. Okay. Were you reluctant to go to the store and buy anything?

14:07Definitely not. It was just kind of weird. Like when the shopkeeper would ask me like why I was buying them. And I'm like, obviously I'm not buying them for myself. You know, like, do you have to ask me that? Like, just let me buy this. You wouldn't stick like a couple extra like snacks around it. You're just like tampons. We didn't have money for extra snacks. It was just needs to mean. Zane's like, I'll take the supers. These bitches are on it. Sorry, the other way around. But yeah, exactly. It was always an awkward conversation. But yeah, I didn't mind it. I respect it. I really do. You've got to do that for your sisters.

14:37Okay, to people obviously that weren't there in your childhood, how would you describe your personality as a kid? My personality as a kid? I think I was a bit of a cheeky, cheeky chappy. Yeah, I used to mischievous, used to get into all kinds of just childish stuff, you know, like climbing in places I shouldn't have been and falling out of trees and smashing windows and stupid things. Yeah. Oh. With a football. Accidentally, of course, you know. Right, right, right. For sure, for sure. So you were getting in trouble a little bit. Just like childish stuff, you know, nothing too serious. Yeah, like climbing trees.

15:14Exactly. Yeah, exciting shit. okay so you were kind of just like doing your thing as a kid but i also think the way that you're describing the environment that you grew up was there a way that you could have gone down the wrong path easily because of that environment it was easy to get wrapped up in the wrong crowd oh definitely yeah i think there was always uh an opportunity to go and do something that you know uh would have got you in like serious trouble um i was uh really lucky in the sense that like My mother and father were super protective of that environment. My dad was always aware of the things that were out there, and he always explained stuff to me from a young age.

15:54And kind of kept me away from that, if I'm being honest. And that's where I developed into being a person that likes to be by myself. And in my room, singing, recording, writing, I got into poetry and things like that, because I was in my room a lot. And I didn't like to be in them kind of environments. it was just a bit too much, you know. I was always a bit more of a reserved kind of guy, a bit, you know, artistic, wanted to do my own thing. I didn't really want to be in that. So my parents did a good job of keeping me away from it, I think, yeah. Did you get along with kids in school? Were you like the cool kid?

16:31Were you bullied? Like, what was the vibe? Yeah, I think I got on with pretty much everyone, but I wasn't like, I was the type of person who only ever had like two, three close friends. I didn't have like a big group like I knew people people knew of me I don't think I was the cool kid yeah but I wasn't bullied either yeah like I if if people knew me they were friendly with me yeah I feel like a lot of kids we always have that like memory maybe it's financial maybe it's something with the parents or the siblings or extended family like of like a childhood memory that you remember your family kind of just being like stressed or going through something difficult kind of like if you could remember kind of a childhood memory that you remember just being like stressed about something in your life like looking back at like childhood stresses like I feel like a lot of them were so like finicky that it's just probably just some teenage shit you know I mean it wasn't anything important um so I don't really look back at things like that in my personality the way I am like I I've never really like looked back and been like oh yeah this is one thing that like kind of was you know a stressful thing I think life is interesting like that I think you know it depends on what you're going through at that time and how you feel and then you can reflect on it at a different point and feel completely differently about it it's so interesting I have a lot of respect even for you answering it like that because I know that you've been open about like at one point your family being on food stamps and I feel like a lot of people would sit here and that may have been the answer right yeah that would have been like well fuck like I couldn't even I didn't know where my next meal was and you're like oh you know maybe it was childish shit like no big deal and it's like that's interesting if you yeah no and obviously there is there was some serious things like that for sure too but I don't look back at it in in terms of a negative light you know it all helped to like shape and mold who I am and make me grateful for the things that I have now, you know?

18:27Yeah. So we are here because you can sing. When did you first realize you were passionate about singing and you could sing? I think I was about 11, 12. I'd sung a little bit before, like I'd done a bit in like school choir and stuff. Funny story, I actually fancied like these three girls that were in choir and and they were triplets and that's why I just was like, I'm gonna be in quiet just so I can hang around these girls. And then it developed from there when I went into high school, I went to a performing arts college, like specifically like majored in sports and performing arts. And they were doing the school production that year for Greets and I auditioned and nobody could sing, like at all like in our whole school and i went and did this like singing audition everyone was like whoa you can sing and then my um music teacher like recommended that i get like a couple of singing lessons and stuff um and then she said i think you should go on x factor i think you've got a good chance like and it just kind of went from there like i love that the story started with you know there were these three triplets and it just felt right to join choir i was like eight as well by the way so swaggy you're like i gotta get in that class to just yeah spend this time here right so like your natural just like boy interest ended up you realized something that you had a true talent from the triplets to x factor you made it so it's so funny too because you say you wouldn't be where you are without your mom because you didn't want to get out of bed the morning that you had the x factor audition and your mom made you go why did you also not want to go initially um I think it was just nerves um I I built it up in my head and I was like yo this is a massive thing and yeah I was like I don't think I'm gonna go today and my mom's like you are going you're going right now you're gonna go see what happens so yeah I definitely owe it to her for that for sure oh my god and so did you like practice you were practicing for it yeah um but I had no idea no clue like they told us like we had to have like um a backing track like a a karaoke version and like i was so like inexperienced at that time that i didn't even know what that was so like i was just planning on singing acapella so i was just gonna do it like without anything um and it was so weird for me to adjust to singing on a backing track i was like this is such a weird experience i think even simon looked at me a little bit weird like when i did the acapella because everybody had backing tracks and stuff but yeah so that probably made you stand out though i don't know it could have worked either way maybe it made me sound really bad too.

21:17No, obviously not. Look where you're fucking sitting. Yeah, true. Do you remember what you sang? Yeah, I do. Mario, let me love you. And the reason I said that is because I've seen that performance back a few times and cringed every time I watched it. So yeah, it's not my best vocal performance. There's a lot of nerves involved there for sure. But clearly there was something in there, Zane. There's some talent. Yeah, there's some potential. Acapella and he just nails it.

22:00when you look back at that moment obviously is it like surreal like if you even had to like watch it back like is it does it even feel like a lifetime ago yeah it does it feels like so much longer than it actually was um because so much stuff's happened in that time um yeah it's it's very interesting very surreal um and i i feel all them nerves again like when i watch it like i i feel like i could like give myself a hug you know and be like it's okay bro because i literally i'm like holding onto the mic for dear life please nobody hurt me um it's so good it's so good so obviously then x factor everyone simon everyone came to you guys and they had this idea to invent one direction and then i i think people don't i don't even know like did you even meet anyone before they put you guys together yeah we knew each other like just from around okay because we were like a similar age and stuff so naturally you speak to people who like a similar age to you around there and stuff and we're at boot camp together and we'd i met harry on my audition day because we both auditioned in Manchester.

23:06And we were literally sat next to each other in the audition. Oh, so it was like fucking meant to be. He was sat right next to me. We spoke and I went in and did like a producing audition round. And then he went in straight after me. And we spoke a little bit there, yeah. So you weren't complete strangers. That's good to know. Because I didn't know if they like just threw you all together and then you were like, hey, what's up? It's edited very well, obviously. You know, you don't see all the behind the scenes and stuff. But yeah, you spend a lot of time with the contestants. Okay, got it. once you started obviously One Direction and you joined One Direction like how quickly did your actual life change was it overnight immediate or was it a little bit gradual um it was kind of strange the like visual evidence of life changing like people being outside of the the studio and stuff was like um when we were on the live shows um we started to get like a a fan base and an audience and you could see that people were paying interest in us um so yeah from that point on like it was kind of a bit crazy like what were you even able to comprehend it uh not really i don't think uh comprehended it at all like i think it's just a rush you know it was like just fun um and then repetitive fun over and over again eventually is going to take its toll you know i mean so then you look at a certain way when you're in that and like it feels overbearing now i look back at it like it was a rush you know it was it was fun it was and it was something that was amazing like so of course i wasn't going to understand it it's not something i expected in my life but um it was definitely fun for sure yeah because it is so interesting i think people forget like you were 17 at the time yeah 17 yeah like my brother lived in this house at 17 and was like picking his nose and going to Wawa and like trying to fucking get girls to pay attention to him and you are like all of a sudden overnight become one of the biggest stars in the world can you help us commoners over here Zane commoners can you help us understand like what skyrocketing to that level of fame can do to you as an individual when you're like by yourself at night laying in bed trying to understand like what is happening to you in your life um yeah you could you can definitely get into you know um deep places of thought if you really reflect on it in that kind of manner um to be honest with you I don't think I was even like intellectually capable to to do that at that age you know like I think it's took time for me to process them things I think I've had to like process it with an older mind and look at it backwards and be like this was why this happened and this is what happened and we took off at this point and this interview made this happen and this song made this happen and just decipher it as like facts rather than like in an emotional manner because emotion like just seems to just blur things you know so I try not to think about them things on that kind of level like oh i'm super famous like i just make music you know i love singing and people seem to have an interest in it yeah yeah a little bit just a little bit no i almost get what you're saying like you kind of have to black it out and just be present because if you stop to think about all of it then it's all gonna come exactly yeah that's how i deal with i don't black it out so much but i just don't overthink you know um it works for me that way i think yeah you just almost have to stay present because it's like what else in the moment yeah just enjoy it and then like in you know 10 years time you can look back and be like this is what happened like now you can look at it in hindsight and be like if you have 10 years time but right right right that looks yeah but you've had time probably now to be like whoa in your quiet moments now in life where you can actually sit and dissect things that at 17, 18 years old, again, like you said, I was just having fun.

27:06I was just going with it. And also it's not like you were just on this solo tour, like you were a part of something. So that also probably affected of like, be a good team player, like go with the flow, like do what you got to do. Obviously your guys fans are insane. They're obsessed. They're still obsessed. They're everywhere. They love you guys can you share any like memorable fan moments that you remember to this day that have stuck with you of just like anything that happened that you're like damn um i've i've probably said this a lot of times but honestly it was one of the craziest and most bizarre moments ever um i remember coming out of a studio once in sweden when we were recording what makes you beautiful and this is before even we dropped our first single and there was like a row of like maybe be five six bins like trash cans like outside of the studio and i came out and like every single one of the trash cans opens and there's like three people inside of each trash can and they tried to like grab me and it was it was a very memorable moment that was for sure yeah i think i had a mini heart attack humans popped out from garbage cans and tried to grab you yeah it's like a fucking video game like swallow you into the fucking what yeah oh wow do you think that in any way that's dedication though right to get into a trash can like zane they were willing to get in the trash bucket for you okay motherfuckers they are loyal they are do you think that those kind of moments though not that we don't love the fans we're obsessed but like people being so obsessed with you like is there any lingering paranoia from people constantly staring at you and following you no no not really i don't have paranoia in that sense no that's good you sleep well yeah i do i sleep in pennsylvania yeah look it's raining i can hear the crickets it's amazing there's no crazy people out there no one crazy in pennsylvania oh that's debatable you're performing in front of massive crowds and i i know you're kind of saying like you were in the moment but like were you able to just easily get in front of all these people was there no fear or anxiety that came with like standing in front of thousands and hundreds of thousands of people when you're on stage um i think there was but i don't think we had time for it like there was no like you have time to have anxiety or be nervous you're just kind of gonna go do it you know like get on with it um so yeah we just we can't i think we just got thrown into the deep end and we kind of just had to swim you know like um and i feel like we did a good job like in terms of like you know the the keeping it together and and making the music that we were meant to make i think i got out the right time i think if it had done it any longer it might have affected me a bit more but um i think we did the right amount you know i think it's interesting too because when you look at bands or even just like any brand that has like multiple people attached to it like everyone loves to put archetypes with people like the spice girls for example perfect example you have to label everyone and so for a boy band it would be like the boy next door like the bad boy like the in like the brooding one or the funny one like what persona do you think you played This would make out that I was like the brooding serious one.

30:35Yeah. But that wasn't necessarily my personality type. I think it's just a marketing scheme. You know, you've got the Teletubbies, you've got Spice Girls, you've got whatever. Like it's just a marketing scheme, you know, like, oh, this is this one. So I get it. But I don't think you can define an entire person to one personality trait. You know, we're a little bit more complex than that. um yeah i don't know what my trip would have been if i'd have given myself one it might took a long time to come up with one if i was gonna do that so i could see why they just said oh yeah you can be the mysterious one yeah it's interesting uh i love the telly tubby reference you're like the telly tubbies the spice girls one direction like the fucking telly tubbies yeah i think simon was behind the telly tubbies too yeah and the power rangers yeah it's so fucking crazy it's all coming full circle fuck no but it's interesting so i was gonna ask like i agree you kind of had this like brooding mysterious personality and that's why i'm excited to sit down with you today because again those stereotypes that were put on to people i'm curious if first of all who comes up with that marketing people i guess i'm guessing yeah it's not like the fans it's kind of just happens well yeah and maybe some some of the fans kind of like naturally say this too you know i mean from like pictures and things like that like so you did you agree so you didn't agree with it but do you think you leaned into it more or do you think i just had one face to pull you know in my i was doing the zoolander like that was it you know i mean i was only a young kid i didn't know what else to do i get it if anything maybe it made it easier because you're like this is just my lane yeah this is me just stick with this they won't ask me too many questions do you think you're mysterious um not really i just uh i just like to just like chill you know like to be in the back a little bit um yeah i'm a bit more relaxed i'm not like trying to like be in your face you know you're not trying to jump in front yeah exactly okay well now you're solo so you gotta jump in front okay we're gonna get there take the reins um i love how you kind of mentioned you know you got out at the right time and i think that you leaving the band obviously shook the fucking world and everyone was like zane like no like keep it together but i think what again we forget is you're a human being and you clearly had to take care of your mental health and do what was best for you can you i know you've lightly talked about this but just so we get a full circle moment can you just take us back to that moment of like actually sitting with yourself and knowing it was time to leave uh yeah I think I'd known for a minute there was a lot of look I don't want to go into too much detail but there was a lot of politics going on um certain people were doing certain things certain people didn't want to sign contracts so I knew something was happening um so I just got ahead of the curve if I'm being honest with you I was like I'm just gonna get out of here I think this is done and I just seen it and I completely selfishly wanted to be the first person to go and make my own record if I'm being completely honest with you I was like I'm gonna jump the gun here for the first time I'm passive dude but when it comes to my music and my business I'm serious about it and I'm competitive so I wanted to be the first to go and do my own thing that's that was the reason and then there was obviously underlying issues like within our friendships too we'd been together every day for five years and we got sick of each other if I'm being completely honest we were we were close you know we done crazy things with each other and that nobody else in the world will ever understand or have them experiences that we've shared with each other and I look back on it now in a much fonder light than I would have you know as I'd just left um there were great experiences I had great times with them but yeah we just run our course I love that you're saying that too because I think people can relate to that of like if you're with the same people 24 7 no shit and i think i can imagine as you guys were younger everyone was so idealizing this band that you couldn't say that back in the day of like yeah we got fucking sick of each other it was time to like do our own things and i think that's so okay but because there was this obsession obviously i get it there's the nostalgia sure yeah it's an idea in it when you watch friends you you don't want joey cussing off chandlin you know i mean you want these people to be best friends like it's an idea yeah you want them to stay together forever but i also think it's so healthy because imagine if you hadn't ended it then you really would have fucking hate each other and being able to go on your own way also someone always has to be the first one to leave exactly and maybe it's the best thing for it but in the time i can imagine there's hurt feelings um were you afraid of what the world was going to think of you when you made that decision um I don't think I was afraid no um I just um the first thing I wanted to do was uh call my mom as cheesy as that sounds I just wanted to call her and be like is it okay if I come home like is this this is this good like and she was like yeah so as soon as she said that I was like yeah I'm good like I'm I'm done like I'm over this I don't I didn't really care about what anybody else thought that's that's the type of person I am like we were talking about earlier I try to close them opinions off.

35:53I'm not really the type of person who defines myself on other people's opinions of myself. If people know me and know me well, they know who I am. And I spend that time on them people and make sure that they're, you know, looked after and they get that time with me rather than the people that I'm never necessarily even going to see or, you know, have a conversation with, especially if it's a negative remark, you know. Positive remarks are always nice. I don't really pay attention to either of them, if I'm being completely honest with you. just don't let it get in my head i think that's so smart because i think social media even if you're not famous like everyone is feeding themselves and their worth by what other people are saying about them and it's like you good with your family and like i don't mean family by blood like you may just yeah people that you have around you yeah your circle yeah and as long as they're good then that's all that matters to me but did you not tell your mom you were doing it uh did Did you tell my mom I was leaving?

36:48Yeah. No, it was like kind of spur of the moment. Like I had not told her beforehand, like, oh, I'm thinking of leaving. I just called her on that day that I was leaving and said, I'm coming home. Is it okay? Have you still got a bed for me? And she was like, yeah. Gene, stop. Yeah, man. So it's - She's like, yeah, come back. Yeah, my dad wasn't so cool about it. He was like, nah, nah, you got to stay with Simon. Simon's going to stay, you're right. Like, don't come home, stay there. But my mom was like, yeah, you can come home, please son, come home, you know? oh my god that's actually really cute that the first person like mom do you have a bed for me she's like let's go because didn't you also buy your mom one of the first things you did with your success is you bought her a home when you how cool was that to be able to buy your mom something after everything she's done it's a great feeling wild um okay so you leave the band and take me to when you're laying in your mom's home you're in bed what were those next couple weeks like for you like mentally and emotionally it was interesting I was just trying to get stuff together like I wanted to get like a plan of action you know I mean so I was like on a bit of a mission I wasn't there too long I went home for a little bit and then I went back to London and started working and stuff that must have been so stressful too because I feel like I guess we see it in various different forms but like if you make a jump even if someone like quits their job right they're like i need to prove to myself and other people that like i now can do it like and so did you put pressure on yourself when obviously you came out being solo like were you fucking nervous yeah for sure it's a very different experience starting on stage by yourself too like it's a whole different workload as well singing three and a half minutes of a song completely by yourself like when you've got a song divvy between five people you're singing a little bit of a verse maybe some ad libs you know i preferred the workload to be honest um but you're like taking a nap in the back yeah oh yeah nice one um but yeah it it it i just kind of had to like make an adjustment i started practicing a lot more singing a lot more and just like making sure i could sing for three minutes right you had to be like i need to get back to my let me love you days where i'm like back on x factor it's just me i'm curious and i don't know because i know you were saying and i i totally respected of like you were kind of just in this phase of going going going and you didn't have time to stop but when you did go solo and you left did you have to take any moment to be like who the fuck am I independent of now not being a part of something that I was identified as in media um yeah definitely I think that's why um I've took the time I have to like not even necessarily do interviews and do too much like press exposure because I feel like we were so overexposed in the band that like it takes a bit of time for you naturally to progress as a human and give something else that is interesting that you have to say you don't want to be sat there just saying the same shit on repeat and you know I mean day in day out like I think this should be a good healthy break in between and that was my approach to it for sure so um I feel like uh in terms of you know figuring out what your identity is as an artist the only way you're going to do that is by living you know you can't just be on the conveyor belt and expect to have any sort of experience that's new that you're going to give people i love that too because i feel like people especially creators there's such a stress about taking a break and it doesn't mean you're actually taking a break you could be still working yeah you're just but like popping out of not doing it in the spotlight yeah and you did were you able to just not have anxiety about it because you're like i know i'm coming back but it's like i gotta just be good on my own shit and not be fulfilling the tabloids and everyone else like how am i on my own right exactly yeah that's that was all the thought behind it for sure so you start doing your own solo music and i remember when you came out pillow talk all the good stuff you popped off and it's like really dope to see you coming out with your own sound and creative and it's you and that's exciting to know like you are producing this and it's not obviously and no shade to One Direction but like you're one of five like you can't really have a full say in shit now this is you when you started on your solo career like was there anything that you really wanted to make sure that you could bring to life that maybe you weren't able to when you were in a band like creatively creatively I just wanted to talk about things you know that were a bit more real, like an authentic to situations I was going through in my life.

41:30Like obviously certain things that we would talk about in the band was always very, you know, clean cut, like just glazing over the top, not really any depth or any stories to what's going on. And that was always a big thing for me. Obviously I understand again from a marketing scheme that like the audience and the fan base we were appealing to at that point was that kind of vibe. So it was never going to work for that kind of audience. But yeah, I just wanted to show people that I had a bit more depth. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Because like even earlier you said like you like to write poetry. And I'm like, I can only imagine how much the writing process is therapeutic and you get to infuse parts of yourself and your identity.

42:13Whereas that just like wasn't in the past, which it shouldn't have been. Like it was a band. It was great, whatever. but now you can actually artistically exercise that part of yourself which must be I think it's difficult for people to write songs even from one one perspective you know like there was five of us in the room when we used to write sometimes and it was so hard to get us all to like have the same viewpoint and want to talk about the same thing so in that sense from a creative point it is a lot more freeing for me like I can fully get to grips with every part of it you know the melody the the story the production the the emotion the feeling that i'm trying to convey in each song so in in that sense it's super liberating it's cool because i i think you're getting now we're getting to know you a little bit better now that you are doing solo music but do you think do you think that the world even like slightly knows zayn yet um i don't know um i i try to uh like move in a certain way that you know hopefully i will still have some juice you know i don't want i don't want to give everything all in one go so um if they don't know everything yet that's okay but hopefully they get to know me a bit better in this interview you know see they're getting to see my thought patterns still a little mysterious yeah i'm I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying to be an orphan book.

43:37We like it. Okay, how about this? Describe yourself in three words. Describe myself in three words?

43:50Well, I'm definitely not gonna use mysterious as one of them. I would say, I'm a chill,

44:03funny, loving guy all the girls watching this you're like so nice that's so nice what's your favorite thing about yourself um i don't know i think i i think i i like the fact that um i'm pretty witty like i'm i'm pretty smart like and i enjoy that about myself i think you're good company with yourself yeah yeah i enjoy that i'm pretty smart and i have little laughs to myself you know about um what's your least favorite thing about yourself um i'm a bit sensitive sometimes yeah not in a bad way yeah yeah i can like take things the wrong way sometimes i'm definitely working on that like give me an example like i just like tend to like if somebody says something to me like i'll take it the wrong way if i can't really care about their opinion what they're saying to me got it yeah then you'll get upset yeah i think that's good though that means you care right yeah like i said with the people that are close to me right do you think you at times can be too caring in moments that you need to learn to like i'm i'm learning to to be to be a bit more tame with it yeah for sure little boundaries yeah no not not boundaries just like i'm just learning not to like get in my head about certain things you know um across the board like i i exercise that well in terms of like dealing with the media and things like that but i don't necessarily do that too well in my personal life sometimes i take things out yeah that's good though again it does mean you care but i get then you're like yeah but then i'm over here like dying inside i gotta like muster up the courage then i go write a song yeah yeah put that into a song okay give us one that's like really sad so we can i've got a few i've got a few Oh, really?

45:53A few really sad ones, yeah. See, this is what we need, see? Okay. We need some criers. We've got some cry moments. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about you?

46:06That I'm, like, super serious. Like, that I, like, just, I'm, like, super stern and serious, yeah, all the time. When I'm not, like, I'm just chill. I know that like a lot of people have like high energy personalities and it's just not the way I am it's you know I'm saying I'm just a bit more relaxed about things it's actually nice to be in person with you because I could see in media it could come off I get it like serious you're literally just chilling yeah you're relaxed I'm just relaxed you're cozy in your sweater there's thunder there's rain we're just Pennsylvania you don't even have to drive too far empty your mom's house

47:05let's talk about anxiety I know that you have lightly talked about it in times and I just want to talk to you about like how anxiety affects your life what has it done in terms of playing a part in your personal life in your career like just talk to me about what you're comfortable with uh yeah so i think we kind of touched on it a bit earlier like um when we're talking about you know like the the the the nature of our job you know like what we were doing in the band and the situation being on stage in front of thousands of people um i think it's a really normal place to experience anxiety you know like you're going to go and perform in front of you know a lot of different people that you don't know who they are um and it's not a natural thing to do you know in in terms of um everyday life you don't just talk to thousands of people you know um so it was something that i had to you know learn to uh adjust um anxiety for me i've learned is is a feeling that now has a word you know um and i feel like for generations human beings have felt it and not really even being able to put you know their finger on what it is um but we overcome it you know um and certain things in in life can change your perspective on them things and i think for me like since i've had my daughter and since she was born like the main thing in my mind is like trying to be a good example to her like in terms of you know i can do things and i can achieve things and i can overcome things and you can do this too um and to let things like you know a feeling stop you from doing that after having a child feels like a really small thing like i feel like i've like had to step up you know as as as a man or just you know as a person um and be this example to her that doesn't succumb to these feelings.

49:02That's why I'm even doing this interview. I used to get a lot of anxiety around having a conversation like this, just in this kind of environment. And I want her to be able to look at me and be like, yo, my dad's doing this. He's the man. He's cool. He is cool. He's a cool guy. So that's helped me a lot, for sure. That is so fucking cool to... obviously my mom's a psychologist so I grew up and I think mental health was not a conversation for most families and hopefully it will be but like I've watched so my mom talked to so many people and talked them through how to get over a panic attack how to get over anxiety how to not get over it but like manage it live with it be okay to go about your everyday life I think sometimes if you don't have anxiety people look at people with anxiety like just get the fuck over it and I think it shows up in everyone's lives in such different ways and I don't think that's the way you can look at you know I think everybody's situation is individual I think it takes an individual experience then to happen for somebody to overcome that too you know totally if you think about the first time you can recall in your life experiencing anxiety did you experience anxiety prior to fame for sure like take me to like a moment in your life where you remember being like wow I didn't know that was anxiety but now I do I enjoyed it that was the thing yeah like I enjoyed being in that feeling and they got to a certain point I think where it just became too much like I just was was weighing on me that feeling of um like anticipation and then getting the adrenaline and then the after feeling of that you know um as a young kid I loved it like I loved being on stage and I loved performing it was like a free space for me to go and be a character because it was you know I was playing a role in some little school performance it was nothing serious um when it became a thing that had a lot of weight behind it in terms of you know people watching and stuff then you're gonna have um you're gonna have natural feelings of anxiety yeah people staring at you judging you writing about you following you taking pictures of you that's a lot can you share with us like in the heyday of paparazzi and insanity like what would be something that would really trigger your anxiety in those days um just the idea of like um like not being able to just do normal things like to just go outside and like walk out onto the street you know like because where we lived it was kind of a bit crazy and there's just people always there like waiting to take a photo and stuff and obviously thinking about having a child and like raising her in that environment it was just very claustrophobic for me i didn't want her to have to be like exposed to that because she didn't choose it you know like it was a choice that i made so i was like we need to get out of here so that she can have some chance of like a normal childhood you know where there's not cameras flashing in her face constantly let's talk about you being a father because it's really cool to see you talk about anxiety which again i have so much respect for even you being able to talk about it because i know it's like you're not that public about your life and that's something that you live with every day and to say like having a child has helped you overcome something that is like in your day-to-day that's like pretty debilitating in moments um yeah but you being famous and having a child like deciding to move here I can imagine you're trying to shield her from this life that you also are still trying to figure out like is it a lot um I feel like um there's there's a there's a healthy way to do it you know um i'm not necessarily trying to shield her from it because she's she's gonna know you know if she's gonna get to a certain point she's gonna have a certain level of awareness she doesn't know what's going on um i'm just trying to give her an option you know so it's like a choice for her like if she she wants to be away from it she can be out here like because i am a famous person and I get sanctuary here, you know what I'm saying?

53:22So I feel like she is going to have a lot of options and whatever she wants to do in her life, obviously I'll support her for sure. Yeah, so good. Okay, how has becoming a dad shifted your priorities in life? The crazy thing is obviously I have a 50 % of the time. So that time I have with her is so important because I feel like she's growing up so fast. like um so when i'm with her i don't work like at all i just spend a full day with her doing things that she wants to do like painting play-doh this that go to the park go to the theme park go to the zoo like we just have fun like and i feel like i've like re being uh rekindled my own childhood like through her you know i'm saying like i feel like we get to a certain point in in adult life where everything's kind of vague and gray and boring and she's brought that color back for me for sure yeah um what is a dad quality that you've proudly taken on that makes you laugh a little when you think about it of like oh my gosh i can't believe i'm doing this i keep being told i'm telling dad jokes and i'm leaning into it i'm just like it's okay it's cool like i'm using like christmas cracker jokes and stuff and it's really funny like people just look at me like i'm a weirdo i'm like yeah i'm a dad and i'm allowed to tell these jokes you have to give me a pass wow dane i didn't expect that i'm not gonna lie i love a dad joke you're like full dad vibe that's it yeah i'm going i'm going for i love it you're like i'm fully leaning in there is no stopping me okay well you haven't cracked one here so if you want to you can always give us your best but you know when it feels like we'll say we'll say that for another time okay What is your favorite thing to do with your daughter?

55:13My favorite thing to do with her is she shows a lot of signs of musical intelligence already. So I just love playing instruments with her and singing with her. I'll sing and she sings along and she can do good harmonies and stuff already. And she's only two and a half. And she harmonizes with me well and finishes notes and she can hold them for a long time. I'm like you might have a bit of ability you I'm picturing the two of you playing with Play-Doh and you start singing and then your daughter starts singing and hit these high notes like false settle yeah it's crazy I'm like yo I didn't speak to those three remember is like four lyrics to songs as well like every were smart wow we got a superstar in our hands okay okay it's interesting to hear you say like you're singing to her which like uh would have loved if my dad could have sang he can't um what are you singing to her and like what are her favorite songs that you sing she loves disney movies so we sing a lot of disney songs together and sing like you've got a friend in me and stuff she sings it really cute honestly that's really cute thinking about you guys singing that um What qualities of yourself, aside from having that musical aspect, more like personality, what qualities do you see from yourself and your daughter?

56:42I think she's funny. She's a bit of a cheeky one. She likes to have a bit of a joke and stuff and laugh a lot. She's chilled, though, but she loves reading as well, which is something I think she definitely took from me. She just has an affinity for words. She remembers everything. has becoming a parent changed your relationship with your parents definitely yeah in in a in a like respect way you know like you you just have so much respect for the things that they've put aside for you you know like when you realize all the sacrifices that you make as a parent like just to be there and be present with your child like you can't have nothing but respect for that for sure i know you said like obviously you have for 50 of the time you want to make the most of these moments like what's something that you guys have done together recently that made you so happy you had like such a great time we went to nickelodeon in in new jersey it's so fun i enjoyed it i know it's like super childish but like i had a lot of fun yeah i think i had more fun than that it was good that is so good how is co-parenting going co-parenting is is good yeah um we have a really good relationship for kai she's the the you know the main importance yeah um so yeah it's going well yeah yeah okay i think it seems like uh from me from me yeah okay so i want to ask you if i can ask one question just about like as delicately as i can go about it I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't ask about the 2021 incident.

58:28I know you can't really speak on it. I think obviously as a man, there was a lot out there said about you and you basically took the high road and didn't say anything. And you kind of put out that blanket statement of just like, I want to respect my daughter and not say anything. Exactly, yeah. And I can imagine how difficult it is, kind of like almost a culmination of everything we're talking about today of like how do you balance when something is out there about you about your character that people are reading and speculating and saying things about you and how do you decide when you when to speak up and when to like be silent and like chill on it and not really go there yeah so for me like we were talking about earlier i don't tend to get involved when people say things online, whether it's got something to do with me or whether it doesn't.

59:24Because for me, my most valuable thing that I have in life is time. And that takes so much time in a toxic environment to explain yourself to people and justify this. So I just kind of keep to myself. I knew what the situation was. I knew what happened. and the people involved knew what happened too and that's all I really cared about if anybody you know of of a same mind would look at the situation I believe that you could respect that like I just didn't want to bring attention to anything you know I just wasn't trying to get into a negative back and forth with her any sort of narrative online where my daughter was going to look back and read that and be able to read into it and it would just be something there was no point.

1:00:19I believe I dealt with it in the best way, like in an armicable, respectful way. And that's all that needs to be said, you know? Yeah, I just, I feel like it's a lot of negativity, you know? I can only imagine, like, first of all, no fucking family is perfect. And so to be on the stage that you guys are on, I... And like you said, your family issues, you know? Like if something happens in the family, like I'd rather keep that between the family, you know? Totally. We don't need a whole audience of people and opinions because it's hard enough to manage between two. I more so just also wanted to give you the chance because I think you obviously handled it so amicably.

1:00:55I also think in doing my job, like this is a podcast where I'm trying to support women, right? And like reading headlines, like I wanted to hear from you obviously because hearing you even today, I don't know if like I'm just going to say what it is. Like you have said you have 50 % custody. and so anything that has we've all read online like well if that was true then that would have affected that so i think it's important to just say like me doing my job i just wanted to clarify like it's not like unless you can correct me like you don't have to have people with you while you're with your daughter and like visitation right it's like yeah you have custody of your child yeah so i think it's just important to say because people are reading this shit being like oh yeah no for Sure, yeah, and super full on, yeah, like, hands on with my child, every chance I can be.

1:01:43If I could get 60%, I would have it, yeah. Okay, let's talk about your music. You're coming back, we're getting a song, tell me what inspired the song, what can we expect, give it to us. Yeah, so I'm working, well, I've been working on my record for a minute, and I have a single for the summer coming out called Love Like This that's like a standalone. song um just a summer jam it's a good vibe like yeah it just feels like summer that's what i think we need we do need a good summer like we just need a bop like someone asked me recently like oh like what's the song of summer and i actually said you know what like i'm interviewing someone and i know they have a single coming out i have a feeling that could be the song of summer are you nervous to go on stage like alone um i was yeah like when i first started like performing by myself I was I was nervous and I'm still nervous now because it's been a few years that I've been on stage but I have this like energy too like I feel like I have something to give and I want to get on stage and be there again to feel that that's one thing I can say you know like my fan base has always been supportive in that manner they're always just like we're here we've got you like when you're ready we've got you you know like come we're gonna we're gonna come and listen to your tune so yeah no I gotta be um super thankful for that and I'm super grateful um and I feel that love for sure so I'm ready to to prove these people right you know can we expect any music inspired by your daughter on your records uh yeah definitely yeah I'm um I'm doing a I think I'm doing a record I don't think people are really gonna expect like Like it's a different sound for me.

1:03:29And it's got some like more narrative going on, like real life experiences and stuff. So yeah, my daughter's mentioned in there a couple of times. Wow. I think that's going to be so fucking dope to actually hear from you in long form, essentially, because an album is in long form. Like we're going to get to know you more, which is exciting again, because Mr. Mysterious over there, we're still trying to understand Zane. um okay what is something that you want your fans to take away from this interview i'd like my fans to feel like they got to know me a bit because you keep saying i'm mr mysterious yeah no so i'm hoping they got to know me a little bit and they they feel like they've seen me and caught with me a bit and you know they're gonna see me a lot more like and i want them to you know, that like across the board, like I've kind of had a full like mental rehaul and in the best way, thanks to my child and, you know, being able to see things in a different light.