S5 E5: Bridget Christie, comedian

0:00This is The Guardian.

0:07I'm Grace Dent and this is Comfort Eating from The Guardian. A podcast where we pay homage to the lesser celebrated foods in life. Because even as a restaurant critic, I believe the food that matters most is often that snack you cobble together when you're curled upon the sofa. Each week, I ask my guest to lift the lid on what comfort foods have seen them through their lives. Because you can tell a lot about a person from what they eat behind closed doors.

0:44Hello friends, welcome back once again to my kitchen. The sun is shining, I've scooted my very noisy cats out into the back garden. I am counting down the seconds. Just having a quick tidy up before this week's guest arrives. Time, though, for a little fondant fancy.

1:09My guest is one of the most interesting comedians Britain has to offer. And she has recently dipped her toe into screenwriting for telly with the brilliant Channel 4 series, The Change. Yes, Bridget Christie is on her way over. Bridget is an award-winning stand-up comedian, actor and writer. After getting into comedy later than most, she won the Edinburgh Comedy Award for Best Show with a BIC for her in 2013. Bridget's comedy is bold and she is unafraid to tackle some of life's darker corners. but more importantly she's very very funny. In The Change Bridget stars as a woman called Linda who's told she's going through the menopause and decides to shake things up.

2:03A character very close to my heart. I cannot wait to find out the secrets to her talent. Here we go. I'm just going to finish this cake first though.

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3:27Bridget Christie. Hello. Welcome to Comfort Eaton. Thanks for having me. It's so lovely to see you. I have been so moved by the change that you've just written for Channel 4. and one of the things that's moved me so much is that it pivots around the idea of invisible labor that women do could be men if there are men listening i'm sure that some men do this invisible labor but it's mostly women who are doing all these things that nobody notices so to start today i've got a quiz i've got you see my things to do list here yeah this is my book of invisible emotional and physical labour that I do. It's my things to do list.

4:15I'm going to tell you three things from my things to do list. Right. And you've got to guess which is the false one. Okay. Number one, have number 47 got my wheelie bin? Number two, are Newham Council sending me those scratch cards for parking permits? Right. Number three, is there a poo in the cupboard? So I've got to work out which one is not. Yeah, which one isn't real. I mean, I want to believe there is a poo in the cupboard. There was a poo in the cupboard, so that's a real one. Yeah, I thought that would be real. It was a cat poo. I think it might be the bin. It was the parking permits, and I'm offended that you thought that I'd have lost my bin because I've got stick-on numbers on my bin because I'm that organised, because I've got to that point in the change of my life where these things matter.

5:13Do you want me to carry on? You, I kind of do.

5:26Now it's once again time to find out what my guest likes to eat behind closed doors. What is Bridget Christie, award-winning stand-up actress and writer, choosing for a snack? unfail the snack oh right so disappointed okay so okay i'm looking at a big wooden chopping board here that has thick slices of sourdough bread a block of vegan spread that you might put on the bread first but the main ingredient i'm looking at with its bright yellow lid is a tub of marmite Now, famously, marmite's one of those things you either love or hate. You clearly love it. Tell me, Bridget, what do you love about marmite?

6:12Every single thing about it. I struggle to have days or periods of time without it. Do you ever just eat it like kind of? I do lick it off the knife. Do you do lick it off the knife? Yeah. Do you think that's the right amount to lick off a knife? Would you go smaller than that? No, that's about the right amount. Do you not like Marmite? I do like Marmite. But what I think is you just need a very, very thin scraping. How do you feel about people that have it like too thick? It can't be too thick or too thin. It just has to be completely perfect. Tell me when you eat Marmite on toast like this. Every morning.

6:51Every single morning. Or at night and at lunchtime. Do you eat any other types of food? This is just the Marmite. When did you start eating Marmite? My mum came home with a jar. I remember her coming home from town. Me and my siblings sat around in silence. I don't know why. So I'm the youngest of nine kids. This would have been, I should have looked it up really, when Marmite came out. I know, or when it became popular. I want to think it's early 80s. We sat around the table about half past four. And we all tried it. half of us couldn't believe how disgusting it was and the other half that was it for life and i couldn't believe how amazing it was the only times i wouldn't have it every day was if if i was on holiday it's not really a french thing marmite you know when you go through gatwick airport and it says um the things that you can take in your handbag and how big they can be there's a sign by the security there's a jar of marmite now to tell people the biggest marmite you can take through.

7:56No. It's because of people like you, Bridget. This isn't true. This is true. It'll say, here's a lipstick, you can have that, and here's a moisturiser, and for the weirdos, here's a marmite, honestly. That is fantastic. So if you stay in a Premier Inn or wherever, you get those tiny little plastic sachets, I should probably get loads of those for when I travel. It's the absolute edge, I think, of like ick in what a British person would eat, though. I don't think we go any... Ick? You know, that kind of... I don't think we would ever eat anything kind of more intense than that. I think that's the level that we have.

8:39Mustard? It's not as bad as marmite. Am I getting... Are you not a fan of marmite? I wouldn't eat it obsessively every single day. Why not?

9:01You were born in 1971, the youngest of nine children. You were raised in Gloucester, but your parents, Peter and Mary, were both Irish. Logistical question to start us off, where did you all sit for dinner? Was it one big table? Well, it wasn't a big table, but it had two... Leaves. Leaves. Yeah. I was like, not leaves. Leaves. Leaves. Leaves. Leaves. Two massive dock leaves that came out. Yeah. And that would be pulled out. So there would often be like an amazing casserole or stew that we could have when we got in. Because then Dad would get in from Walsh Ice Cream Factory around six-ish and he'd have his dinner.

9:44So we'd either eat together or separately. remember Mike was 13 when I was born so that's 13 under 13 and yeah so I don't remember us all being apart from weekend like Sundays I don't remember all of us being around the table every night after school so I'm thinking that maybe the older ones they were doing homework or something like that but how do you well we sat closely together how do you so not a lot of Elmore room My sister Anna used to take her chips with her if she had to leave the table. How do you cope with cooking for that many people though? It must be like mass catering. We ate really well.

10:31So my parents, they got really good ingredients, like they would buy good food, but they would buy like I think it was 72 pints of milk a week maybe maybe five boxes of cornflakes something like that a lot of bread a lot of potatoes you see I I grew up in a like you know there was me and my little brother and my big brother had already moved out and just the thought of I can't get my head around a big 11 people yeah a big family no but I I didn't I thought that was normal until I went to other people's houses. I remember going to my friend's house and there was just her and her older sister and it was a really quiet house.

11:14I was like, this house is so quiet. How can you live in this quietness? I felt like I would kind of go mad in an empty, quiet house. But then when I left, I craved quiet then when I was older. I always liked, and I don't know if this is because I grew up in a busy house, when I then started working, I would have to come in and just have five minutes to myself or ten minutes to even just sit in my room. I'm pretty sure that's from not having that space. I used to go in the garden a lot when I was little. So no food fights? Food. Oh, God, we wouldn't waste food. no we we that is something we wouldn't do and we would have treats friday night and sunday sunday coming back from church friday night dad would come back from work and like throw nuts and crisps and stuff into the telly room and we'd all go like and try and grab them that was uh fish and chips on a friday who was the cook your mom yes in those early days yeah and then dad and then dad did a lot as we got older your dad was quite like hands on he very hands-on I talked to him about that recently and he was like well why would I watch your mother doing everything it was really like simple and straightforward to him he would come in from work and so this was when you didn't have disposable nappies then you would have the terries, the towels.

12:52So they would go into a bucket for soaking and then my dad would wash them out and hang them out when he got in. Oh my God. Well, because mum was doing everything, you know. And she worked as well part-time. Being Irish in the 70s, your parents made sure you and your siblings all went to mass every Sunday. Was it a very religious upbringing? Yeah, I'd say so, yeah. Yeah, it was very important. Their faith was very important to them. There was lots of pictures of popes. My uncle was a priest. My mum was very, I think she said once if she was not married by a certain age, she would have gone into a convent probably.

13:33Pictures of popes. Where was the picture of the pope? In the front room. And there was, you know, Last Supper tableaus, things like that. That celebration like Easter that encapsulates so many things like rebirth and, you know, Yeah. I went to Sunday school and was confirmed Church of England when I was about 12. And even though I don't really go to church yet, I think that type of stuff is still new. you you know oh yeah it doesn't I think my upbringing with these celebrations and with the these religious events that may be why I love ritual and celebration and costumes and incense and that kind of other world bells and smells bells and smells I love a balloness family

14:30I'm going to go back to you as a child at home so you're the youngest yeah so were you always the entertainer in the family were you the little what were you standing on a raised plinth tap dancing I'm afraid to say it's such a cliche but I just could not show off enough give me an example this is a story that my dad likes which is that I think him and his his some of his friends were around and I had gone in and said something and no one responded and so I'd stormed out and came back in and said if there's one thing I hate and I would have been about four I think it's being ignored and then stormed out again but I like the idea that I'd come in.

15:21Yeah, come back in. Oh, listen, guys. Yeah, always, you know, doing accents, messing about, you know, dancing, trying to be funny. Yeah, but did they laugh at you? I think, well, did they laugh? I do remember making them laugh. Yeah. We used to do plays because there wasn't a lot of money getting around so we did make a lot of our own fun so we would build build things in the garden and have lots of games but we would also put on plays and I remember that I wasn't I wasn't given speaking parts especially when I was very little so I would be a tree or a box that must have been hell I mean I can see that that upsets you but I'll tell you what I did do my god was I a good tree and that was the best box you'll ever sit on but when you go to St St.

16:13Peter's Roman Catholic High School in Gloucester, and you're this natural performer. Do the nuns appreciate that? My drama teacher always said to me, imagine what you could do if you put your mind to it or something. That was also said to me at, what did they say at drama? No, but I do work really hard. I really resent people thinking that I don't work hard. I work really hard. This idea that I've just come up with it. I love the fact that you are actually in a one-woman argument with yourself now. I didn't actually say that. I know you work hard. Yes, I think I'll have you no great.

17:00So you leave school at 15, which, you know, lots of people have done. But not many 15-year-olds are members of a biker gang. tell tell me about this time in your life i was in a group like from before i left school of like bikers and stuff i left school and i i just lied about my age and got a job actually i was working before i left school okay i see this is so much to unpick here you've just made more questions for me to be honest the biker gang okay that's my social life yes but we're not We're talking about BMXs. We're talking about... Motorbikes. Motorbikes. Right. Why motorbikes? I just, I like bikes and I met some bikers in a pub.

17:46It's as simple as that. And I got a 125 so you can get, you can ride a bike when you're, how old was I, 16 or 17? Anyway. Where did you go on the bike? Let's give me an example of somewhere that you and your bike again. Mine, yeah. I was the head. Head of it. The TT races, Wales, the Brecon Beacons, France. Did you have a leather jacket? Yeah. Tell me about going to France on your bike. What did you eat? Baguettes and laughing cow cheese. What a duo. And I think that's about it. I don't think I went to the toilet for two weeks. You just get in the baguette and then you get in the laughing cow.

18:31The Vache Quirée, it's called in France. Clever. Lavash curie. I'm posher you. Lavash curie. And do you have a knife to spread the cheese or are you just... I had a feeling that I would put the triangle in the baguette and squash it down and then eat that. How much bread and lavash curie do you think you have to eat before you get constipated? I just remember being constipated for the whole two weeks, so probably much on the first day, pretty much. Is that why you carry a large water bottle with your all-time snack? I do. And of course, I'm sorry, I don't want to put you off your mind. Well, I got really ill a couple of weeks ago and I had to be on antibiotics.

19:09And someone said to me, you should take probiotics, which I did. And honestly, I was actually thinking that it would be difficult for me to spend a lot of time with someone recently because my guts have been so bad. Like noisy and like gurgling and grunting and everything. Taking these probiotics. Have you heard anything from me? Not, I mean, for the record, you haven't gurgled or farted once. No. And it's been 20 minutes. That is not like me. If my kids were here, they would be like, why is you so quiet? Are you okay? Yeah. So you leave school. Yes. You're into bikes. What other things are you doing when you first leave school?

19:50I worked in the local newspaper, the Gloucester Citizen, as an editorial assistant. I lied about my age. I said I was 16, but I wasn't. and then I actually left there because the editor was rude and I remember one day he threw a 10 pound note on my desk and said get me a McDonald's and I didn't want to well I didn't want to go to McDonald's even then I wasn't a fan and I said if you want me to get your lunch you can ask me nicely and he said get my McDonald's now or you're sacked and I said well too late because I resigned and then I ran out and like it was in the newsroom and you don't do that to an editor and then I answered an advert in the Gloucester Citizen for a farm hand and it was the worst three days of my life so I rode my motorbike my RS250 Honda out to a farm in the middle of I think it was in Frampton-on-Savon out that way to a dairy farm why on in my overalls oh my god and everything that I had to do was my worst fear.

20:53It was like your idea of a dairy farm, like from the 50s, it was a bit more like that, you know, where there's cows that are grazing. This is partly why I'm a vegan now. I had to be there six o 'clock to either get the cows in or take the cows out and then come back at 12, milk them and then walk them back. Oh my God. Even standing next to a cow is a little bit stressful. They're enormous. They're enormous. Let alone getting them like a shepherd. What's a cow shepherd called? A dairy farmer. A coward. They're not.

21:42Hello, Grace Dent here. One more thing. If you love comfort eating, then you'll love my new book, Comfort Eating, What We Eat When No One's Looking. It's available order now. There's an e-book and an audio book if you want me to read it to you, with chapter headings like Why Butter Makes Everything Better and Why Potatoes Are Proof of a Higher Power. How can you resist? Comfort Eating is packed with funny, moving stories about my family and my childhood, as well as recipes and stories about recording the show.

22:26While you weren't having the best time on the dairy farm, you were also part of the Gloucester Operatic and Dramatic Society. So you wanted to be an actress quite young. Love, love, loved it. I want to be an actress. I love Gloucester Opera. Yeah, always. I love learning lines. Loved. Always wanted to do that. So then you get a scholarship? When I was 23, yeah, to go to drama school. So I started auditioning when I was about 21. Got a place. I remember getting the letter. I was working at Royal Mail on Wall's Roundabout, which was the headquarters. And I remember looking out and thinking, this letter might change my life.

23:04Did it change your life? Well, in the sense that I went to drama school for three years. But when I graduated, I didn't get a single. Linda is the first proper role I've had in my whole life. And I was 50 and I had to write that and create that show and cast myself in it. So tell me a bit about that time. You graduated from the Academy of Life and recorded arts and you're trying to make it as an actress. Were you doing lots of auditions? Constantly, either doing really well. It's in the bag. Casting directors said, I'd be amazed if you didn't get that. Terrible ones as well, like terrible, terrible.

23:40That is the most humiliating experience of my life. Is this for TV shows, adverts? Everything, films, everything. And every time it's a no or just a silent no. It's I'm down to the last two, I'm down to the last three, or it's a no. The whole gamut of outcomes, which I'm sure most actors get. And how do you react to that? Do you think, oh, I just need to be better, I just need to be... No, I didn't think that because there were times where I thought, And this is not being arrogant. You know instinctively when you've done something well or something badly. It's a terrible, terrible feeling or it's a great feeling.

24:15But I mean, acting is so much about how you look and the pressure to look perfect. I mean, does that not drive you a bit mad? I never got to that point. But because I'm a stand-up, it's totally irrelevant. So that's something that once I started having more control and destiny over my career and what I was doing, which was when I realized I cannot live like this. I cannot live, I cannot have so little control over my life and what I'm doing because it's literally waiting at that time for a man to pick me. and the reasons can be so random and so superficial and such bullshit like the producers want this person or we're just seeing a load of you and we've already cast it that happens you're feeling pretty demoralized yeah about acting about acting yeah why are you going to accommodate genuinely to me comedy is my whole life i could not live a day without it had you ever stood up at any point and you know done a done it done a set or um i had stood up in front of people in social situations weddings stuff like that but stand-up is very different it's a very different beast and i'm so glad i went into it because you learn so much about yourself it's just so totally addictive.

25:43And it's so good for you as a person to have that in your life. I'll never not do it. It's the most effective equaliser that you could possibly do. If you ever think that... So, for example, the change, it was a tsunami of love after that came out, really, and it was overwhelming. And I did a gig and it was absolutely awful. Yeah. And I was like, brilliant. No, but I got in the car after and I was like, yes. Well, it's evened it out. Do not for a moment. Believe your own hype. Think that. Well, I didn't anyway. I mean, the show had its own thing. So I was able to kind of step away from it. For about a decade of your career, you're performing to small crowds.

26:32And then in 2013, you win the Foster's Prize, basically the Edinburgh Comedy Oscar. you win it for a BIC for her. I did. Which was all about modern day sexism and misogyny. I remember seeing it. Did you? Yes. Oh my God, thank you for coming. I came along to that and I was almost at the front and I was embarrassed because I didn't want to make eye contact with you and kind of feel as if I was stalking you when it is actually just literally your comedy gig and anybody could go. Do you know what I mean? There's always people there, yeah. Yeah. This seems like a bit of a turning point because you suddenly become a household name.

27:14New level of recognition. Can you remember the exact moment that things changed and you realised you'd become famous? I don't recognise any part of that fame household name thing. For me, it was, that I think that was my 10th show possibly and I was 42 so I did that show and I remember being in Edinburgh and I remember thinking oh the show sold out and I'd done loads of shows where nobody was coming like you say so that was how I judged it on having full rooms and good good reviews and then the nominations came out and that was really exciting and then winning was really exciting but there was no there was no moment there was no I'm famous now or I'm really well known what was good to me was that the business side of it oh well right well this means that I might be able to tour now yeah that was the thing that I felt really excited by was the fact that I might now be able to go to London and I did a really long London run off the back of it so that was the amazing thing for me

28:27you've spoken in the past that you know you were out in the park and you were running and that you were flashed at by a man and you've said that you know this is an image it comes to your mind often yeah and you you weren't sure at all do you use this as something that you can use on stage you know on a comedy stage because it is very dark but in the end, you do. In other areas of your life, you are very private. You don't reveal yourself. How do you work out what's too dark? It's very instinctive. There isn't a subject that is too dark ever. I strongly believe that there is no subject that can't be talked about.

29:06It's intent and it's context. And it's who's saying it and why. And I've got a thing which I do to myself, and it's this. If I am called to a court of law and I have to stand up in front of people and they're listening, can I justify it to those people? And if I can, it's in. And if I can't, it isn't. And if I can't make it funny, it also isn't in. I expose myself fully 100 % in my feelings and emotions and passions and the things that I believe in but with private things it's not just you I like to use the world as my inspiration and then me sort of moving through that that world that's sort of my comfort zone I think then there's all sorts of permissions that have to be asked and you know like with my childhood and things like that would be like Do you ask permission?