S6, Ep 10: Kiell Smith-Bynoe, actor and comedian

0:00This is The Guardian.

0:07I'm Grace Dent and this is Comfort Eating from The Guardian. A podcast where we pay homage to the lesser celebrated foods in life. Because even as a restaurant critic, I believe the food that matters most is often that snack you cobble together when you're curled upon the sofa. Each week, I ask my guest to lift the lid on what comfort foods have seen them through their lives. Because you can tell a lot about a person from what they eat behind closed doors.

0:44Hello, friends. Now, for those of you with good ears for acoustics, you will hear that we are not in my living room today. We are deep in the bowels of Guardian HQ in London. full honesty to you my loyal listeners one the builders are in doing my bathroom and two my guest today quite genuinely cannot step foot in my house or he could end up in hospital no this is not about my cooking or my personal hygiene it's my cats of which I do have three now one tiny little inhalation of moggy hair for him, well, it could be disastrous. He is the darling of British comedy, Kael Smith, Bino, actor, comedian, rapper.

1:33What an absolute belter of a guest, a man so worth me leaving the house for. Let me be honest, getting dressed to go to the office is not my natural state of being. Working from home suits meet a lot better, especially dress-wise. What are you meant to wear when even the simplest schedule involves two totally different things happening? I've got an important face-to-face meeting with one of Britain's hottest actors and then I've got to wrestle with the London public transport system where the appropriate outfit is actually a boiler suit and a gas mask. My top tip for those of you doing office days is get an enormous bag with heels, flats, trainers, jewellery, pop socks, waterproofs, jumper and just be prepared to change between characters in multiple doorways.

2:28Often beside the chef at the local restaurant smoking a fag. Believe me only an extra size tote bag will do and if you value your vertebrae you might as make it a rucksack. Kyle Smith-Bino leapt to fame as Mike in the hit series Ghosts but this was not Kyle's first standout role since teaming up with the Dimitriou siblings he's become a regular face in the comedy scene including as the exasperated sales agent in Statlet's flats. Growing up in East London, he used YouTube to hone his comedy and musical chops with one particular fast food establishment as a source of his inspiration. Tell you what, he's a very busy man, so I'm itching to hear what he's snacking on whenever he gets a moment.

3:26Kael Smith-Bino, welcome to Comfort Eating. Thank you for having me. I want to set one thing straight right from the start. This really, genuinely impresses me. I know exactly what you're going to say. It's true. Legend has it that back in 2022, you invented one of the decade's most recognisable abbreviations, platy-jubes. Correct. I think that that is so impressive. what i do enjoy is when people message me and ask if a new abbreviation is appropriate or not and i get to do thumbs up or thumbs down like the emperor and gladiators take me to that moment where you come up with play jubes and do you at that moment know you are a solid gold legend this is a thing right me and my friends growing up had always abbreviated everything so this to me is just like the way that it's the way that we've always been talking how did it go big on twitter i was just like so did you say it on twitter yeah i tweeted a few times and then people like what i don't want to labor this point but i have got an abbreviation challenge for you.

4:45It's quick fire. It's a round food. Very British foods. Can you make an abbreviation for Sunday dinner?

4:56Route one is sunny din's. Tuna mayo sandwich. Tuna mayo. And of course, sticky toffee pudding.

5:10You see, I'm just going to make it longer, but I like sticky toffee pud pud. That is longer. That's the same, actually. Is that just the same amount of syllables? I haven't quite got this, have I? STPs. STP.

5:31Each week, my guest brings me a snack that lights up their lives. It banishes the gloom. It's underneath this tinfoil here. I don't know what it is. can you unveil your snack this is what you assemble from the depths of your fridge do you know what it is i don't know i absolutely don't really is this why i get dead excited every single week i'm not acting you've got no allergies no allergies whatsoever none good none

6:02is this a bun yeah this is a hot cross bun with butter and cheese slices of cheese let's have a go at this um

6:16this is very nice it's very very nice i love the hot cross bun i love the the fruit and the cinnamon what kind of cheese do you normally go for cheddar yeah when do you eat this in the morning when i've got to leave the house and realize that i haven't had anything and I've just got to do something quickly and that will sort me out. You have to have butter. Yeah. No much. No utterly, not utterly, butterly. Oh, maybe, but I don't know what that is. I don't actually know the difference between that and butter. I see you're the ideal audience.

6:56That's who they were thinking of when they were making it. People like you were like, oh, it's just the same. Do you think people can taste the difference? because I definitely can't. You grew up in Forest Gate in East London with your mum. You were an only child. What was life like at home? Quite boring. Why? I had no one to play with. Did you feel it early on that you were an only child? Yeah, I always wanted a sibling, but it was never happening because my mum had me quite late. My mum had me at 37, which was late then. yeah i mean definitely they used to call that kind of your geriatric mom yeah yeah i mean this was 89 but you were looking around and seeing other people that had brothers and sisters and you thought that if there was someone else in your house it would be yeah and also i wasn't really that close to my cousins growing up there were like kids on my road and stuff but like my mom was very strict so I wasn't allowed to play out as late as them and like she didn't really want me to go to other people's houses and she felt like it might be like an inconvenience then.

8:06Your mum came to the UK from Barbados when she was nine with one of her brothers as well as looking after you as a kid she was taking care of her own younger brothers too your uncles. Why was that my grandparents had already come here yeah so my grandparents left her in barbados when she was like six and then my mom and her younger brother came here the one uncle that she came here with and the two that my nan and granddad had that were born here okay and um my nan and granddad would work and my mom would sort of go to school but also raise the kids that's hard yeah and these are all things i've learned as i've got older and also through therapy but learning that that's why my mum was the way that she was in terms of being strict and in terms of like not allowing me to do certain things and the reason that i wasn't so close to my cousins was because my uncles really rebelled against my mum's authority because in a way that like you're not a mum you can't tell us what to do she's so young yeah yeah so she already raised three boys before she had a boy of her own and they were naughty boys yeah and they were always finding themselves in trouble doing stupid stuff like they caught a fox and brought it home once

9:28boys doing dumb stuff so like i always looked up to them but my mum was very like i could go and spend the day at their house and stuff like that my mum was sort of like with who when what time are you coming back what are you gonna be doing do you think for it now i do actually a little bit yeah but also i do feel like i missed out on a lot was your dad around much my dad was around in and out yeah when i got to maybe like 17 18 i felt like my dad wasn't about as much as he should have been but then after he died in 2018 and i just started i was looking back at like pictures with him and all those things i noticed that he was at everything yeah like all of my birthdays all of my school plays any like shows i was doing all of those things he was always there and because he wasn't like there in the house because he never lived with us it just felt at the time like oh my dad's not right there's another reason to be a moody teenager i guess but no i mean so many people say to me that when they look back their parents weren't really at anything and for to look back at those photos and go oh god he was actually he did go to that school play yeah yeah and sit there he did watch me play descant recorder yeah yeah where was he when he wasn't with you he played cricket okay so he was always doing like cricket tours and like when i say he played cricket he would park his car if he saw a cricket match going on and get out and ask them if they needed any extra people i love it and did they take him up on it sometimes yeah yeah and our house backs onto a park so if he saw anyone playing in the park he'd just go around we haven't talked yet about the person in your family that you've said was the greatest love of your life your nan oh my nan yeah tell me about her when i was just the best growing up i didn't understand what my mom and my nan's relationship was because my mom did everything for my nan but never really spoke to her yes i know that type of mother daughter like there was a duty there yes there was a duty to do things but not a closeness No, definitely not.

11:59And I couldn't understand it. And I was always like, but my nan's so great. And I don't know it. It might have been an abandonment thing. She might have felt like she was left in Barbados to look after her younger brother. Whilst her mum and dad went to a country that she'd only heard of, but didn't know how far it was really or how to get there or whatever. Do you think she was cross at them? Possibly. Yeah. Did she look after you? Did she cook for you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I used to go there. Because my mum would work late. My mum worked for her London Ambulance Service. Okay. She would work late and especially when it was coming up to like the end of the month, like payday and stuff, she'd be working really late.

12:36So I would always go to my nan's after school. What's she cooking? Oh, everything. On a normal day, it would be like some sort of meat. So it might be spare ribs. It might be lamb shank. It might be... She's from Barbados. Is she cooking in this type of style? Is she getting hold of all the ingredients and the spices? yeah yeah hot sauce always on the side yeah and more traditional bajan foods like cocoa and flying fish and sauce where does your nan go shopping to get all this stuff to the market queen's market on green street yeah and i remember sometimes i would have to like if i was at my nan's on the weekend i'd go to the market with her and is that fun or is it a little bit frightening it's 90 her stopping and chatting to her friends and me like trying to pull the trolley to get her to like stop moving yeah but she'd always take me to percy ingle people who don't know what percy ingle is it's like like greg's but an old-fashioned east end version yeah greg's what did you have there just a glazed donut glazed donut yeah

13:51let's go into your teenagers you were at a school called St Bonaventures in Forestgate what kind of a school boy were you I'm well behaved but I I talk too much yeah I fancy myself as an entertainer class clown well every day you walk in and these people are merely your audience yeah right what kind of thing do you want today some slapstick it was a chance for me to perform really there's no girls there no girls there i'm always interested in single sex education in the brief moments where you caught a glimpse of the opposite sex did you go to extreme lengths to catch their attention oh definitely i mean we the girls school was around the corner oh what was it called was that just like a mythical magical place full of women yeah and then at the end of the day you would like brush your hair put your jacket on properly change out of your school shoes into your trainers like it was a very strict catholic school yeah where i went to school in that area and i'm sure like quite a lot of areas in london as a boy of a boy's school you had to be a one of three things you either had to be a good footballer yeah a good fighter yeah or a rapper or emcee but you didn't know that as a fighter you see this is where we go wrong as women we're like oh look at him he's punched a traffic warden that that is a man that i need to have a baby with and the other one is what rapper yeah so what were you i was creative but more like i'd written like poems and stuff when i was in primary school and like that sort of stuff and i thought i could rap and then i started and i did and i did it for ages and we used to have clashes in school at lunchtime until it got banned by the school but you've got one place that you all go and hang out chicken and chip shop and it's on upton lane yeah chicken and chips kebab pizza and that was so i love those places that you only really get them in london where they they do everything and they it's not like a just like a kfc ripoff it just does everything and they've always called things like chickpeas

16:20everything fantastic fried chicken and there was one at on upton lane which was between the girls school and the boys school yeah i'm saving my money from lunch so that i can get chicken and chips after school or pizza or kebab or all three for like one pound and we're doing that meeting up talking to girls rapping because you start filming this stuff you start putting these skits up online you're 15 years old when one goes viral and i've watched it quite a few times it's you and your mates you're wrapping in southern fried chicken in canning town tell me all about the discounted meal for kids which is called the junior special so the junior special was a meal a kid's meal at southern fried chicken and where we used to go to the studio was at my friend's house we called it the studio it was a microphone in his cupboard and we would go to his house and the chicken and chip shop that was next to his house was called southern fried chicken and they had a meal called the Junior Special, which was the cheapest meal on the menu.

17:25Yeah. And you get one piece chicken and chips and a drink. Yeah. What's a drink? I'd go for the Miranda strawberry flavor. Is Miranda like a Rubicon? Yes. That's what I would get. And that's what we would all get because it's$1.50. It's just like, yeah, cool. And they had three different mayonnaises. They had the one mayonnaise that was on the counter in the squeezy bottle. Yeah, just like your average white bog standard. Okay, yeah. They had the 20p mayonnaise, which came in like a little tub. I don't think it was garlic mayo, actually. It was something different. It was a step up. 20p mayo is a lot, though.

18:02But then there was the 50p mayonnaise. No, no, no. Now, this one was in a slightly bigger tub. It was in the fridge. It wasn't behind the counter. And I don't know what was in that, but it was out of this world. It was delicious. I still go there now because of that. We did an interview on the Rouge Tube. Do you remember Rouge Tube? Yeah. And they asked us about the mayonnaise price and whatever. And one of us said, it's homemade from France.

18:32Because France felt like such a glamorous place that it could only be from France. I don't understand where that came from. It's homemade from France. But also, we were serious MCs. That was like a one-off because it was an inside joke. because we used to go to the studio and we used to eat this food. So we were like, oh, we'll make a track about that and then get back to business. And then that was the one that took off. I mean, unfortunately, we didn't quite hit those heights again. And Jax, who did the chorus, still to this day gets paid from Studio Spesh. And I get nothing.

19:15After you left school, you get hooked into comedy and acting. You train at the East 15 drama school. You're honing your improv skills. I'm terrified of improv. Even just watching it makes me come out in a cold sweat. When my friends go, I'm just going to go and do my improv. I'm like, holy God, just like watching through my hands. When improv goes wrong, surely it goes really, really, really wrong. I don't think so. You ever walks off to the sound of your own feet? I don't think so. I mean, I find the idea of stand-up terrifying. I would much rather do, like, a one-man improvised play to a terrorist organization than, like, stand-up in a comedy store or something.

20:07Do you like it when the audience shout out, when they give you ideas? Yeah. Do you get food things a lot when they shout out? Hardly ever. apart from spatula everyone says spatula because they think it's like a really interesting thing to say why spatula people think oh oh my gosh it's so random i'll say spatula and every someone says it every time it's like dildo yes does someone say that yeah oh my god you are so shaming these audiences from now on right you go to an improv thing and you go so what will i have in my hand someone will always say spatula yeah 100 but why i don't know there must be some psychology behind it have you got 20 good spatula jokes in your pocket i've got zero i really know what it does did you i love the fact that you've just never bothered to find out as well i'm just like no or did your dad for example think of you going into improv but i wanted me to play cricket okay did he play cricket professionally did that He was semi-pro.

21:08And that's what he wanted for you. Yeah, yeah. Until he saw me play. Oh. And he was like, never mind. Just leave it. Don't worry. Tell me more about that acting thing.

21:34so you leave drama school and start auditioning for tv how quickly do you land your first role i left drama school in 2010 and i got my first role in 2011 in white chapel ah white chapel the bbc cop drama yeah we scared i wouldn't say i was scared i was very excited but also no one tells anyone that it's your first day yes you're just there and they're like told me to get you some sides and i'm like mac and cheese like what i don't know what anyone's talking about yeah and like first positions and stuff like that means sides It's your lines, but on like a smaller A5 paper. Yeah, I would have completely asked for some like lovely, delicious buttered carrots.

22:22Yeah, I've just had breakfast. I'm all right. This episode of White Chopper was broadcast on your 21st birthday. Yeah. Did you watch it? Yeah. My friends came round. Do you have a little buffet? I think we got Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut. I love a Pizza Hut. What are you calling in on your 21st? Oh, I am. pineapple i used to love a hawaiian from pizza does it still exist it must do but remember you used to get those things through the door with all the um offers where have they gone i think that you've just got to accept now that the pizza's 20 pounds and that's it yeah that's 20 quid that's it what do you want it's a big meat feast that's 27 quid that's it um 21st birthday you've got the pizzas people are coming around they're going to watch you on white chapel is this the beginning of you being a massive deal in the acting world well this is what i thought and then i didn't work again for 14 months i was in a call center for four and a half years it was a call center and it was advertised to actors to be like it's flexible you're also just reading off a script we give you time to go and do your auditions if you want to do that What are you selling?

23:39Magazines. What kind of magazine? Gardening, computers, finance magazines. Hang on, is this four years? Four and a half years, yeah. You are, without a shadow of a doubt, the guest that's been on here with the actual longest employment record. Really? You are the person who's actually been to a job for the longest amount of time. I'm not kidding you. David Baddiel has never had a job. Never? Never. And most people that come in here, I would honestly, 99 % of people you can go through every episode go, and then I had to get a job. And I tempt for three months. Three months. Whereas you have properly done.

24:27Like, okay, if you don't mind, can I have a couple of lines of the script? Hang on. You could cold call. Oh my gosh. Cold call in me. right so like i'm literally this is all very carry on film i've just got out of the shower to answer this call so i'm already angry right hello hi good afternoon it's kyle calling from witch magazine um have you got a moment to speak about uh which subscriptions sorry i can't i can't hear the shower's on i don't have a subscription with which i think it's the wrong number no i think you contacted us earlier and we're just getting back to you letting you know that we We do have some magazines available if you're interested in taking up some more reading about maybe your computer.

25:08Did you just go straight in gaslighting me that we had actually made an arrangement to speak? It's that sort of thing. I'm on£5 an hour. I've got to make that commission. I've got to get 20 sales a day to make£70. Yes, I will have the magazine. Imagine telling them that. You sound like a lovely man. and they when you call them you've got to like it's objection handling means that you've got to get three no's before you can hang up the hang on this is insider knowledge when you cold call you have to have three no's before you can before you can hang up or it's like an unsuccessful call so if i just shouted no no no really quickly there as if i was being basically assaulted that would have got then rid of you when you're working in an office like that do you become a dab hand at the meal deal well what i was doing i was going to asda because it was in cross harbor so i'd go to asda and what i really enjoyed this wasn't the one that i treat myself because if i treat myself i'll go and get a carbonara from the munch bunch but what i really enjoyed was the rotisserie chicken from the hot counter yeah and dairyly dunkers whoa hang on okay so you're getting the rotisserie chicken are you getting the wings or are you getting the breast depends no not the breast thigh or wing or drumsticks and then you're having it with dairy dunkers and that was my my lunchtime meal that would cost me about two pound 20 maybe see i was going to ask who had the most offensive dinner when you were working there but it was you wasn't it absolutely not it was you there was some shocking stuff going on in that place i would challenge you to find one person Even if somebody was literally heating up a tin of tuna, it is not as bad as the vision across the desk of you with a chicken thigh and a dairy dunk every day.

27:04I was on five pounds an hour. This is true. I would buy high juice from the Tesco Express and that would have to last me like a month. That was my drink. That or water or we had like a 10p coffee machine. joking aside you have been in this environment you for so long you clearly the proof has shown a very very talented person who who britain has taken to their heart but at this point you're in a call center for four years how how is that really for you how is it hell and i just want it out and the thing is because it was all actors we'd see people leave and go and do these amazing jobs, but then come back.

27:49Or we'd see people come in that we used to watch on TV. Go on, give me one name. Do you remember the kid from my family? Yes. The young boy. I remember when he joined and everyone was like, I'm watching this from my family, it's from the TV. And everyone's sort of like, as much as it's like there is hope because you can go off and do these jobs. But if you were there for as long as I was, you see people come back one of my friends kevin fantastic actor i don't think he's acting anymore i think he's got a vegan restaurant now but he was a brilliant actor a really great guy very good on the phones as well he went off and did batman and he had a scene with morgan freeman anna hathaway and christian bale and then was back next to me selling magazines there's a point in your career where you really shouldn't be one minute with morgan freeman and the next minute sitting looking at you eating dairy done because did you ever come at a point where you went like that's that's it i'm giving up no i got fired what'd you do around 2013 14 i'd sort of clocked what to do how to like cruise by with minimal effort yeah so i was really just cheating the system doing a couple calls calling my nan quite a lot and that way if anyone was monitoring your calls you pick up you hear those on the phone to an old lady right that is so sweet i just call my nan all the time you've redeemed yourself you've thoroughly redeemed yourself but i was not working my nan i can't remember how many it was like let's say eight grandchildren and she had like tiny pictures of all of them and one massive picture of me at the top it was it was like she was like tracing a crime family and i was a head honcho you're just some benevolent god yeah looking at them all i love it

30:01your career has flourished since the call center finally you did get a big break and apparently it did come about because you went to a party did you meet jamie dimitri i met jamie yeah yeah and jamie was aware of a youtube thing that i'd done called her documentary which was quite big at the time just to explain to people that are listening who it now sounds that we're just talking in code yeah jamie dimitri is the man who came to my house a few seasons ago that had never eaten an egg until he was 20 22 or something yeah um and he's staff lets flats and uh just a fantastic comedian yeah and you yeah you met him at a party he'd done staff he originally did before it was a season as a channel for they called it a black didn't they channel for black which was like a mini pilot and i thought it was the funniest thing i'd ever seen so we were both aware of each work but i think i was much more of the fan in this scenario and we spoke for a bit and then um maybe a year or so later this audition came through for staff the series yeah i was like oh my gosh that would be amazing and i read the character and it was like the normal guy and i was like i've got to get this you're in staff let's flats you bag that role is your biggest role and then you go to Ghosts.

31:26Yeah. Described as one of the best comedies of the decade. It ran for 34 episodes and four years. You play Mike and the story is that you and your wife inherit this dilapidated stately home whereupon she has an accident. She falls from a window, which she survives. But from then on, she can see ghosts of which there are many in the house. None of which your character, Mike, can see. it was a sweet life affirming show and it all ended last christmas in a big finale you're on set in this house for years what was the camaraderie like backstage it is the silliest people who are allowed to be as silly as they can be where they don't have to be parents you have the material and you're like this is already great and funny and how can i be even sillier Who's the silliest?

32:25Jim Howick. Why? 100%. Why?

32:31He's so funny. Yeah. And just constantly can make anything like, it could say he gulps. And he'll make it the funniest thing you've ever seen. It's like magic. So we really look forward to the days when everyone's in. Yeah. There's going to be some running joke all day. It's so much fun. Yeah. And I really miss it. It's like this, it would be around this time. This is like the time of year that we'd be filming. I think this is what I wanted to ask you. But you do genuinely miss it. Yeah. I can see in your eyes that there's a genuine sadness that not many people are like that about TV shows they've spent so much time on.

33:17Yeah. It was like, you know, it's five years coming back to the same place. And it's like school. You know, like when you get to this age, you miss school. Whereas like when you were in school, you're like, oh, school again.

33:39I'm so interested about Barbados. You've only recently visited your family in Barbados after a 24-year gap. But then you went five times in quick succession. and then you got your citizenship. I got my citizenship, yeah. I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I took my mum back last December for Christmas. What do you eat when you go there? Oh, man. There's this place called Crazy Eddie's. The places where it's happening is like the south and the west. The south, I think, would be the equivalent of like Shoreditch and the west is like Mayfair. and in the south you've got like rows and rows of these shops um stalls i guess but they're grilling fish outside oyston's is where the fish market is so all the fishermen come in on a friday and they they bring in all of this salmon tuna prawns lobster and you go with your mom there yeah yeah we just had the best time and i'd like do you think it is the food for you that like is really swung it i mean to go and keep the food is a huge part of that it's also the people you you walk out your house and whoever you see it's good morning it's good afternoon yeah you can you can chat to anyone you can ask anyone for recommendations or directions or whatever and it's never met with any sort of like i'm too busy for this or anything like that someone will happily take you to the place that you're trying to find um and the sunsets and all of that it's it's amazing your next venture that you've got coming up is very very interesting to me you are going to be the new presenter of the great british sewing bee now we've talked about your comedy your rapping your cooking but we haven't actually touched yet on your enormous talent for sewing

35:44so i'm really glad that you're here because i've got a few things i want to make alterations of i'm gonna make that so much worse if i gave you an hour yeah could you attach a button to a shirt i could probably attach one but if you wanted like four in a line there's no chance absolutely not i mean i've got to ask you the great british sewing bee it is quite a long it's an arduous sentence to say yeah so you really gbsb gbsb

36:20you live with your partner in east london um when you are together watching your latest show what what are you eating what are you eating together do you cook i do cook but i don't like it why not it just takes so long i love eating i i can't be dealing with the cooking i don't love it some people love cooking and i'm like let the people who love cooking cook there's a lot of bikes going to your house isn't it oh loads they know you sometimes they meet each other i've ordered mains and dessert from two different places yeah i don't enjoy cooking but i've got fryer and i'll stick it all in there how do you feel about air fryers i love it are you one of those people i think there's a point in all of our lives growing up where you go from being a party animal drinking tequila to just sitting in a corner talking about air fryers i think you can be both i think i'm proof that you can be both finally it all began in that canning town chicken shop do you ever go back please tell me that you've got free junior spesh for life now not anymore i think we um we overdid it we were really rinsing it and it's no more freebies but i mean people still go there because of the song when when the song first came out people doing vlogs like we went to go and get the famous junior special southern fried chicken in canning town so we were making them money so every now and then they'll be like yeah you have that anymore when was the last time you went back to canning town not that long ago maybe last year did you walk up to the counter did you say i'm sure you recognize me sorry um you've charged me there but do you uh do you know who i did you get the 50p yeah yeah you've got to the platinum experience how good did it taste after all that time in a stately home it is great it's great what is it what's in there i don't think we'll ever know no thank you for coming for eating with me thank you