S9, Ep2: Ellie Simmonds, Paralympian

0:00This is The Guardian.

0:07I'm Grace Dent and this is Comfort Eating from The Guardian a podcast where we pay homage to the lesser celebrated foods in life because even as a restaurant critic I believe the food that matters most is often that snack you cobble together when you're curled upon the sofa Each week, I ask my guest to lift the lid on what comfort foods have seen them through their lives. Because you can tell a lot about a person from what they eat behind closed doors.

0:45Hello, friends. You find me packing my suitcase. As I await my Paralympian guest, it's the swimmer, Ellie Simmons. I better finish this off because as of tomorrow, I'm going to be spending some time in Birmingham to film a new TV job. I'm going to be up there for a few weeks. But OMG, the packet. I always say when I'm doing this, you need far less than you think. There are some non-negotiables. I'm going to need contact lenses, definitely. I always take my microplane grater from the kitchen utensil drawer and I always take my favourite mug. It's a big mug. I like basically a pint of coffee in the morning.

1:39Can't live without it. Probably don't need this third pair of trainers or the second pair of gold stilettos.

1:50If I'm honest, I don't really need this 800 page Margaret Atwood book. I always try to remember there will be shops when I get there. If I forget my toothpaste or my razor, it's okay. Now someone that knows about packing light is five-time Paralympic swimming gold medalist and world record holder Ellie Simmons. This is a woman that spent all of her youth in a cosy or on the road. At 13 she became the youngest member of the British Paralympic team. At 15 she became the youngest person ever to be awarded an MBE. Now at 30 she is retired from professional swimming and is having a second lease of life, making award-winning documentaries, travelling the world.

2:37See, she's still having to do a lot of packing and using her platform to talk about matters close to her heart, adoption and disability awareness. She was raised an athlete, now she's a civilian, albeit a superstar one. But what has she eaten all of these years to achieve the things she has? I'm going to ask her.

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3:42Ellie Simmons, welcome to Comfort Agent. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited. You are our actual listener. Yeah, I am. I'm literally like your number one fan. If I can't sleep at two o 'clock in the morning, you're in my ear. So just imagine me in bed. Do you know in another episode I'm just going to get into the middle of it and go hello Ellie. Yeah hello please do. I heard that you were once a girl guide leader. Yeah I was. In Manchester. Yeah. Now is it true that your pack name was Aqua Owl? Yeah very very true. Right in the guides is this the whole of the pack or is this your little part of the pack?

4:24My little part of the pack. Right so like in the brownies. Yeah. Where I was a pixie. Were you a pixie? I was a pixie. You were in the brownies, obviously. Yeah, yeah, I was. So I was a brownie leader. So you know when you have like tawny owl. Brown owl. Brown owl. Tawny owl. Yeah. There's so many that all mean like authoritative figures. Yes. And my group of girls, I didn't want a normal owl name. So they came up with like lots of suggestions, whether it was golden owl, it was like medal owl, Paralympic owl, and I thought aqua owl. That's quite nice. I've got more of an idea here so you you were in charge of the brownies yeah yeah yeah I was yeah not only in charge I honestly I love the fear that went over you first so you weren't just in the brownies no no no you were one of you were one of brown owls kind of sidekicks yeah that was me yeah so I volunteered like my time every Wednesday so I used to swim Wednesday morning and then in the evenings.

5:23I used to go to like a church, like in Didsbury in Manchester. Did you have a mushroom that you danced around? Oh, do you know what? Did you sing? No, I don't. We are the laughing here. Did you do have any songs? Not that I, do you know what? It was 2016. Do you know, I was in the brownies in 1979 and it is burnt into my brain. Do you know what's burned into my brain? I never became a sixer. Did you know? I was seconder. Did you collect all your badges though? I got house orderly. Oh, well done. That's really good. You just became my quality. You just became my quality. You were like, well done.

6:05I don't know what that badge is. It's from the 70s. It was in the 70s. You had to make scrambled egg. Oh, did you? For an important man. And it was Brown Owl's husband. An important man? Yeah. Oh, it was her husband. Yeah. And did he like, so he had like lots of plates of scrambled eggs? I think he had about 50. He must have been turning into a scrambled egg by the end of it. What's the best brownie badge that you ever got? I can't even remember what I've got. And I can't even remember what the girls got. I knew they got them. They were showing me they got the disability badge. Okay. Learning all about disabled people.

6:37So I thought that was lovely. We didn't do anything as useful as that. They used to set us loose in Carlisle Town Centre with like two pence. Did you not make dens or anything? No. Oh, no. I think we went down to the side of a river and fried a sausage. Oh.

7:02When I open my house to a celebrity guest, I do so on the proviso that they bring me their comfort food. This is the kind of food that allows a person to retire at 26, start a whole new career and get a BAFTA. what have you brought for me today i don't know what's underneath you know i'm so excited about this so this is the exciting part isn't it's like the big reveal there you go yeah this is one of my favorite snacks it's the best snack in the world this is it has to be a pink lady apple okay it has to be cut in slices with crunchy peanut butter you've got the healthiness of an apple so you're eating your five a day plus with the sweetness then you've got the salty crunchy peanut butter and then I have a spoon and dip my spoon into the jar and I've got like a spoon and I like scrape my apple on the spoon of the peanut butter this is an elite snack it's like a snack where you can have any time of the day.

8:12And I always have it with a coffee and it's just perfect. But it has to be pink lady apples and crunchy peanut butter. It's all about the texture. It's so... I like the fact that in the first bite, you feel as if you're doing something healthy. And then it gives way to a load of peanut butter. Are you crunchy or smooth, if you could choose? Crunchy. Crunchy, yeah. Every time. crunchy always feels like you're doing yourself a favor like you're giving it something a bit healthier doesn't it and i think it's all about it's like the texture in the mouth isn't it it's all like it's like your but what they're called in your mouth these taste buds taste buds

8:56before we get into your many accolades i'm going to talk about this post-swimming life you retired when you were 26 after the Tokyo Paralympics so I've done a little bit of maths you were not actually entitled to your state pension for 40 years

9:21that's actually that's great maths aren't 40 40 whole years 40 years until you're allowed your your state pension what inspired you to retire so young i say i'm retired from swimming but i've got this new lease of life which is busy as ever so i wouldn't say i'm retired because if i was retired i would be cutting my grass even though i don't have any grass or going on cruises yeah going on cruises wearing a slip-on shoe yeah slip-on sofa shoes at the moment i'm not really doing that so am I retired I think that sport especially at your level is so all-consuming that there's no other way of looking at life after did you know how you were going to survive what like financially when you said like like I'm not going to do the sport anymore did you know did you have a plan I didn't have a plan no I think because I had such a like plan for the whole of my life like from the age of like gosh 10 11 12 I had a plan to when I was 26 so I think I wanted to be not have a plan so I could be free because like when I was a swimmer I had like a day plan I knew where I got beat every single day I had like a week plan I had like a year plan I had a four-year plan of like a Paralympic so when I had when I made that decision to retire I just wanted to be free from no plans and wake up and think what am I gonna do today and did you get like a piece of paper and write reasons to carry on swimming reasons to stop and then say things like never have to smell chlorine that was one of the big reasons yeah no more a risk of verrucas yeah no very big in the 70s and 80s the risk of verrucas I don't know whether that carried on I still sometimes see people with socks on now.

11:12I've never had a Veruca. That's like your superpower? Yeah. If you were to be like on X-Men? Is no Veruca Simmons. That's your middle name from now on. There's got to be a moment though where you drop the announcement and then you have to press send. So I knew I always wanted to retire going into Tokyo. I just was done with the sport. Like I love the sport, but I was just, I didn't want to wake up every morning, go swimming. I was just ready to finish. So it must be like five times harder if you don't want to do it. I used to set my alarm for like 4.47 in the morning. Why 4.47? Because. Why not 4.45 or 4.50?

11:56That extra two minutes made such a difference. I jump out of bed, go to the toilet, brush my teeth, wash my face, get changed. I put my coffee like the kettle on for my coffee and I'd be out the door in like seven minutes out the door walk to the tube be at the tube by like 10 past five ready to get the first tube at quarter past five like I had it nailed to a tee so those two extra minutes in the morning to lie in made such a big difference sleep is important isn't it so I see what you're saying and then suddenly the freedom yeah I didn't have to I don't have to wake up at that time anymore but I'm still a morning person.

12:33I get everything done in the morning. In the first few months, though, what did you do every day with all that freedom? Well, daytime television. I'm thinking you got quite into Loose Women. Yeah, I did, actually. First stage. Yeah, no, very much like that. And then before you know it, you're watching Tipping Point with Ben. Oh, I love Tipping Point. There you go. How did your food routine change? Literally, I could eat anything. and it's crazy because when I was an athlete I was burning all the calories and I don't know do you ever go for a swim and you're so hungry afterwards I would be hungry all the time yet when I was an athlete I used to be so like routinely with my food like I used to really be super super in control I would have a cheap meal on a Saturday and that was like my day to be to treat myself whereas when I was when I retired I could eat absolutely anything When you were training, did you know like calories in, calories out?

13:31Did you know that at all? Not really. No, I wasn't really a calorie counter. I just knew what worked for me for my body shape. Did you need to stay at a specific weight to be as fast as you can? So I would be maybe a bit less leaner during the big blocks of winter training, have a bit more muscle and fat on me. And then going into a major competition, I would like tone up and lose weight. We used to weigh ourselves quite a lot and get skin folds done. So like where they used to like pinch our skin to see how much like fat we've got on our body. There is nothing more humiliating than having your bum folds calipered.

14:11Yeah, no, literally. You can see this like metal thing, like pinch it and you're like, oh, you don't know whether it's a nice feeling or a weird feeling. So you finish, you finish being an athlete. Yeah. Although I think at some level you'll always be an athlete. Does everything change? Now being retired for four years, I very much, it's hard not to compare my body to how it used to be. But I think maybe we all do it, don't we? like it's funny when I was an athlete I used to think oh my god I'm so fat I need to like lose weight I need to tone up whereas look back at photos and I think oh my gosh Elle you were in such good shape but then we always want more don't we always we always want to be leaner and fitter and thinner and it's and that's why I try and like say to myself it's good to be all body shapes because still like you still compare yourselves to what you used to be but now I'm like I go to the gym and I do workouts but I very much don't I watch what I eat but if I see a cake oh I'm eating it if I could live off desserts all day every day I would eat that I always think I would have trifles three times a day and I'd be happy yeah just trifle which type of trifle I would have um you know that jammy sponge custard raspberry with a lot of custard and a lot of cream yeah because you can get varieties of trifles now can't you get chocolate versions I would maybe I would branch out sometimes and have chocolate, but I would just eat trifle and chocolate biscuits.

15:41What type of chocolate biscuits? I would have those Marks and Spencers extra chocolatey rounds. Oh, lovely. The ones that are just a bit too much chocolate. Yeah, and you like eat around them. I just post them into my mouth like I'm posting letters to myself. Do you? In a sense I am. How does your mouth? I've got a suspiciously large mouth when it comes to... I've got a small mouth. Do you know what I would have also? I love a cheesecake. Again, peanut butter cheesecake. If I was having a last meal, that would be my meal with a good coffee and a Prosecco.

16:28We're going to talk about family. You were adopted by your parents when you're three months old. you were the youngest of three sisters and a brother also adopted also with some genre of disability for a start tell me about the simmons household because this sounds like a lot of people is it chaos is it quiet what so much fun oh it was so much fun like yeah very family orientated we were outside a lot as well like in the garden playing on the trampoline i was playing on my scooter I never sat down and watched tv my older sister has Georgina she had three children so they were always around so it was just like so much fun like we always had people around and like we celebrated everything like whether it was Easter whether it was like well you do celebrate those but you know what I mean like Christmas birthdays yeah we we always used do big things for it and it just yeah like I remember growing up as my mum did like adoption training for Walsall Council I think it was and so we always had like garden parties for lots of families who are adopting and stuff so yeah I remember it just being busy and so much fun and like there was always someone to play with my mum always says actually if I was the first I would have been the last because even though they fostered like over 100 children and adopted five of us yeah if you were the best slash worst yeah i think i was because i didn't sleep i didn't maybe that's why i don't sleep now but i didn't sleep i was always like say mom what can we go and do this can we do that can i invite i always wanted people friends around all the time as well we ever in trouble yeah or lots lots very much so you have in trouble at school I was in trouble a lot at school for talking and laughing I remember like in my so I went to school in Wales for my secondary school so from year seven to sixth form I went to we moved to Wales for training so I could compete at the the Beijing uh Paralympics and London and stuff at the National High Performance Centre there so I had to go to a Welsh school so from the Midlands from Birmingham so I don't have a clue about Welsh language even though it's amazing love it but so I had to like learn Welsh and do GCSE Welsh I think it's one of the most beautiful languages in the world it's incredible it's beautiful but the crossover between the English language and Welsh is it's it's not immediate is it there's not no no and I didn't I missed out on the the primary school learning yeah so but I was again me and my I have a good frank chloe and samia we always just used to laugh in that class and i remember did you end up outside the class yeah we did did you have to stand in the corridor yeah we did it's such a secondary school punishment isn't it just standing yeah just waiting for another teacher to go why are you outside it was just because we laugh like we didn't do our teacher was funny like so we just i don't know why us free always maybe that's why i got you in welsh just because i used to laugh all the time again i'd like to apologize to our welsh listeners yeah so sorry i do love the language she liked the language she just didn't learn any of it because i was just laughing all the time and in the corridor you had a pool in your back garden in the west midlands yeah now nothing makes you as hungry as swimming yeah yeah yeah what meals sustained all this splashing around in the garden when you were little yeah it wasn't one of these outside pools it had like a little um covering like a little like um do you know a gazebo more like a wood like a wood like a wood shed a shed over it so you weren't just walking out into the west midlands in the cold no no no we walked into i remember it had like artificial grass on the floor and like a little pool with a blue topping and in like a wooden shed who's cooking my dad oh and he still cooks now he is the cook of the house he's what's he called steve big up stew yeah steve simmons steve simmons what's steve simmons cooking for a load of hungry kids who've been in the swimming pool they've been running around the garden what what's what's he cooking for everyone everything from like spaghetti bolognese to pasta like i remember like sweet and sour chicken all the time we had like stir fries we had like cottage pie you know like the classic british yeah dinners capable a capable man that can throw down food i think i just don't think that we give people enough credit though for being able to do that you know people come on master chef and they're always like oh i can't really cook you know i can only do i can only do 25 things at the drop of a hat because i like even now like when we go home he cooks a sunday dinner and it's all hot how do you do that that's just magic i'm a vegetarian he's got doing the nut roast for me hang on he makes the nut roast yeah he does he makes his own nut roast yeah he does i don't think he might use a recipe wizard it's very flavoursome like I take it home with me so in my freezer I've got like lots of probably about eight tinfoils of little nut roasts so that if ever I want to have some food and it's quick and easy roast some vegetables get this nut roast out the freezer with my tinfoil take the tinfoil out because you can't put tinfoil in the microwave can you you cannot well you can but it's it is a hazard it puts it into a fire it does put it into a fire so yeah i take the take the nut roast out the tin foil i love the fact you know when you're saying that it's clear that your dad has went don't put it into the microwave and you're like i know and then you're still contradicting yourself don't put it in do you no no i don't think like sometimes i think is it okay do you know like those little mic like you know when you get a takeaway yeah and you get like a little plastic box from a chinese you can put those in the microwave you can put those in the microwave yeah okay well that's good because i do yeah you can do that but you can't put the tinfoil don't put tinfoil i love the fact that you turn up at your mom and dad's and you're like oh hi hi hi and then get out basically your tupperware boxes and start filling it with i have to i have to collect my boxes from home and then bring them back because otherwise they don't have they i like use all their boxes of containers you haven't really left home have you no even though like i've lived away from home since gosh since i was like 12 as well do you take your washing sometimes it's mainly it's mainly you are my queen

24:08We'll see you next time. or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done.

24:24When you were 11, you and your mum moved to Swansea for your swimming career. So each Saturday in the morning, after two hours in the pool, you and your mum would drive across the country back to your dad and your other siblings. and then you would come back again on Sunday to Swansea. Was that Sunday night? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Sunday night. This is a lot of time, you and your mother inside a car. What are you eating in the car and what music are you listening to? So I finished training on Saturday morning. That's normally about nine, half nine. My mum made me a smoothie. So even though I eat everything now apart from meat, um i was quite like i didn't like textured things yeah so she would make me like a mango banana and like yogurt smoothie but you needed to be pulverized very yeah because you can't have any bits ellie don't do bits no i didn't do bits literally no bits at all but then she would do me some toast with like butter and jam but the toast was seeds like a seeded loaf bread so i wish I've been adopted by your mother she sounds absolutely incredible so she's like she's put you just get in the car and then she's handing you your special smoothie yeah and your and your toast yeah with jam and butter on it yeah and with my foil so I'll be in the car and we would listen to normally radio one and especially on a Sunday afternoon we would um listen to the chart show that's what our do you know like the radio top top 40 so we know who the chart is so yeah I loved um Reggie Yates and Fern Cotton that was who my favorite that we listened to on a Sunday afternoon when they did the charts did you question any of that the amount of time that you had to spend traveling did you did you ever think oh gosh I just don't want to do this not really I think because I was very dedicated and I knew if I wanted to go to Beijing and London being an athlete you've got to sacrifice so much and you're so young as well like you know when you say that that's so mature that the fact that you were thinking like that yeah I think just young I had like a great team around me with my parents my coach my teammates my friends my family when's that when is that moment where you go I've got a shot at this do you know what I think getting picked like so I watched Athens 2004 yeah watch the Paralympics before that I didn't know there was um Paralympic sport I didn't know there was disabled swimming and I saw people like myself on TV and was like what is this the Paralympics what is it like how old you have to be mom to go to it and she was like well any age but there is an age limit you've got to be 12 and older older and I think as a very I'm very determined I was like I want to go to a Paralympics and then my mom did research and we went to our first disability gala 2004 and at that time where the competition I went to there was um talent spotters scouts and they saw me and was like you could be you could be good and I went and got chosen to be on the the start program of british swimming and yeah it just ended up going from there snowballs yeah and like i went to my world championships in 2006 at the age of 12 and when you're 13 you attend your first olympics in beijing you are the youngest member of the british paralympian too yeah i was but you know what i was 13 going on 30 even though i was a kid and it had great benefits um i was with all my teammates and friends who were older than me and I just wanted to be like them so I was like I'm not 13 I'm older I look back and I was like oh my gosh I was a baby I was so young but suddenly like you're in Beijing and yes you've won a lot of competitions up until this point but now you're on the other side of the world what is that experience like do you know what I look back and I think I age was an advantage because I think when you're older you think you think of pressure more don't you feel pressure more whereas when you're a kid for me it was just going to a competition and swimming as fast as I could as for as long as I could so actually I had a big advantage and nobody knew me yes I'd gone to world championships but I didn't win anything I was the underdog so the pressure wasn't on me people especially in the 103 which was my first race at the the Beijing games the main competitors were looking at each other and they didn't look at me and I was like behind them and because they were focused on each other I just shot through and like took it there was like a bit of an advantage being an underdog like I think there's a saying it's harder to stay at the top than get to the top so enthusiasm lack of fear not really any worries about what it all meant because you were so young you hadn't even you didn't know what it could all mean I was going to China on a summer holidays you know when you go to school and you're Six weeks off and my six weeks, I was in China for a month, having all this free kit, enjoying the village, enjoying the food of the food halls.

29:48What do you eat there? What's the thing if I had to say what thing in the Beijing Olympic food hall did you eat? There's every cuisine possible, every cuisine at the end of the competition. We've done it for every Games is McDonald's. They used to sponsor the Olympics and Paralympics. so at the end of the competition 12 days of racing we would all go to mcdonald's and treat ourselves literally and it was free as well so we could have anything possible like so i remember like real i see genuine excitement in your face right now i think your eyes have just become twice as wide remembering free nuggets yeah i'm not i'm putting words in your mouth was it nuggets Yeah, no, it was chicken nuggets, Big Mac, McChicken sandwich.

30:37I remember the boys always used to do like a Big Mac competition so they could see how many Big Macs they could have because it was unlimited. Like you could have as much as you want, but I always used to have a McChicken sandwich, chicken nuggets, chips, chocolate brownie, McFlurry and a milkshake. That was my, like, I was so full because leading into it. What did you do after that? Just lie down with your feet in the air? And especially like Rio and we would then have alcohol because you could party afterwards. Did you wake up with cold McDonald's beside your bed? Do you know what? Pizza? Yeah.

31:11Yeah, pizza. It's not the Olympic life that I was really imagining. Oh, is it not? Did you imagine us also having like protein shakes and bananas and stuff? Like, yeah, no, I woke up at the end with a big pizza by my head on my pillow. What kind of pizza was it? I think it was a margarita.

31:35In total, you won eight medals, five of them gold across four games. So, yeah, eight medals, I think, in total. How do you feel when you say that? Oh, yeah, amazing. Your dream is to get one gold, let alone, like, eight medals. And that's what I loved about London was I got the whole collection. To get a silver and a bronze, like, I'm so proud of them because I love all the colours. When you look back at it now, is there ever a part where you think, God, I missed out? I missed out on the things that teenage girls are meant to do? Like, were you at school discos? I did miss out, yeah. Like, I never went to a prom.

32:18I missed out on lots of growing up. Do you know even, like, the figuring out stage? You know when you, like, you go to all these house parties and you do all this drinking and partying And during those moments, especially like 13 to 17 to 18 to 21, I was focusing on three big Paralympics. So I missed out on all of that. But then I think back, like I was traveling all the time and I was being able to be with my teammates, my best friends and getting to travel the world and getting to represent my country and be with all of them and have that fun. Like, so actually, yes, I missed out on all that, but actually I didn't.

32:58Is there any way that you can rebel during your point of training for the Olympics? I mean, can you get out and go out to a nightclub or anything? Or do they just, does your trainer find you or what? No, you could. Or you just don't want to do it? Yeah, but like I didn't want to do it because my life I gave to my sport. And you live and breathe it. Like whatever you do outside the water affects in the water. So I just, yeah, it just wasn't me. In 2017, the British Athletics Commission heard allegations from swimmers about bullying, discrimination in the prep for the 2016 Rio Games, the last that you competed in.

33:44And you said, afterwards, you said it felt like a hostile environment and you were walking on eggshells. And we've all heard about tough approaches to getting the best out of people. Sir Alex Ferguson he had the hair dryer method but I'm feeling like this was it went beyond that yeah it did yeah it was just like I'm probably actually processing it now um I talk to someone about it most weeks and we we talk about yeah um yeah it was definitely it wasn't right how we got treated and i know what people say about that tough approach but but this was different you know like i was i look back and i was so thin and skinny because i would just watch what i ate i got to the extreme like for lunch i remember having i would have like half a bagel like you know like like that was nothing i was burning so many many calories i'm like working out so much and i'll just be so restricted on what I ate and I remember I weighed myself like every single day because I was just yeah I just like needed to lose weight all the time um were you trying to get like half like whatever a kilo off or two kilos or yeah I was just it was more like in the skin folds like I look back and I think oh my gosh there was nothing on me like I'm just muscle like I got old that I needed to be under a certain weight and certain measurement and yeah it was very I don't know I think you're just you're watching what you eat all the time aren't you but it was definitely it wasn't a nice environment it was but yeah I think you learn from it like and it's funny I look back and I think why didn't I say anything did you say things to each other yeah we was we like our team the team that we had there was just so especially two of the girls four of us actually we just stuck together and definitely spoke about it and helped each other and I think when you're together as teammates you become so close because you go through those moments together and especially the low moments and how we got treated sometimes when you're so in it you want to say it but there's just something that just stops you isn't there like you just I don't know when you're it's hard like I think if anyone's been in that controlling environment you look back and think why didn't I say this why didn't I do this but when you're in it you just you you don't and you don't know why you just feel like you can't but then there's this point when suddenly you do how did that come about was it in an interview or so we all finished Rio and we decided that going forward I think we got Rio out the way and we decided all together to come and with the help of the British Athletes Association I think it was um yeah and a lawyer just get together and say all of our things that we felt and speak up.

36:43Are you scared? Not really because I thought this was the right thing to do I get more at the time I wasn't but now I do like when I know when I see people around the swimming pool there's a bit of nerves but then I think you know what if I can stand up tall and be okay and hopefully if we can talk out and talk openly about it then hopefully it never happens again with the swimmers when you actually have to go into you actually have to go into the community which must be quite small and see people who are maybe not happy with things that you said yeah yeah yeah very much so but then you know what it's good to speak out and how we got treated we don't want people to get treated like that again so I think it's it's important that we all speak out and if we're ever uncomfortable in the future and I think that's what you learn don't you and I know it's not a good way to learn but I know now going forward that if if anything happens like that again that I don't let it happen

37:57I'm going to talk about something else very important in your life you made a documentary about your search for your birth parents what inspired that I think for me so I'd always known I was adopted we're very much open about it as a family and you know when you're a kid like for me I love the story of Tracy Beaker when she like envisions what her birth mom's going to be like and she has all these ideas and when I was an athlete I knew I couldn't do do the searching because I was very much focused very much thinking of the sports and I retired after Tokyo and I thought this is the time to do it now this is the time to look because again I'd heard so many stories that people had left it too late and their birth parents have sadly passed away and I was finished swimming I'd wanted to find out more I wanted to you know when you go to a doctor's they say have you got any medical in medical things in your history and I could I I didn't know.

39:05I had glossed upon my passport. Never, ever been to gloss up. So why had I got a gloss up in my passport? There were so many questions that I had. But it's such a, emotionally, such a risk because you've had, as you say, everything is regimented in your life. Two-year plan, three-year plan, five-year plan. And then that goes away and you replace it with something that's so emotional and a risk. you know like you could have found out anything yeah and I was prepared for that like at the time I had a great partner and he was really supportive and my family were supportive and also I think going on that journey going on that learning I also realized as well like there's so many children out there who are in the care system who have a disability so going on this journey then we ITV wanted to document it and we had this great relationship with Joe the commissioner and Flickr the production company and we were like let's get this documented to talk about disability as well in the care system but was there not days when you got emails from them and it said we found this person we've done this come and do this where you were like do you know what I think they went on my time zone like so it took quite a long time to film and process because it was emotional and they were happy to wait and so understanding of waiting like the first time I met was supposed to meet my birth mom I got a migraine so and again that's probably stress and emotions and all that so we rescheduled that and they were super supportive during this whole process I had strictly in the middle of it as well so they waited for like a couple more months to me to do strictly and then go back into filming it feels to me like it feels to me like you put yourself under so much stress at an early age that you don't actually have any normal boundaries of stress because to do those two things together I mean so you met you met your birth mom yeah I did are you glad you did it yeah I am very glad like it was tough and it was emotional like looking back now it's it I think at the time I had like steel like do you know what horses have those blinkers on I think I had those on and I didn't really like in even in the documentary you do see me cry a lot but actually I think not till now looking back it was more emotional yeah I think um yeah process it what was that meeting like did you go for a meal or what yeah so we met in like just a neutral place and just for coffee really it was like yeah very much it was like a um a spa hotel and we just had like a like a meeting room I said to Mike Leslie who was my support worker who she is like um a person who finds families for both so for parents to find their children and vice versa and I said to her I only want to meet my birth mom for 15 minutes that's all I do because I was so nervous five hours later we were still chatting away you know I was so nervous for that moment but then as soon as she walked in but got on like a house on fire and like laughed and she's got the same humor as me so we were just five hours just chatting about like history family Do you understand more now?

42:37Do you understand her side of it? Yeah, very much so. I know she got that sheet of paper 30 years ago when she found out that I had dwarfism that said information such as individuals with dwarfism is perceived to go in the circus. We're not intelligent. We're going to be stupid. We're not going to get a regular job. and that was one of the reasons but there was lots of other reasons as well um for her placing me into fostering and then into adoption so I totally understand why and it's now that's ignited my fire for better language 30 years ago yeah like that was 30 years yeah disability was we've come such a long way but disability is still like there's still so much more to be done with it And like it's getting accepted into society way more and language is getting better.

43:32But there's still so much more to be done. Did your first mum ever put two and two together and know that was you? Yeah, she did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think it was so respectful of her that she never came to anything that I went to. And she said to me like deep down, like I knew that one day you'll find me. You and your mum meet, five hour meeting. Yeah. What do you eat together? cup of tea that's so it's not really food it was a cup of tea just tea yeah just tea like a proper english breakfast yorkshire builders tea it was a big like do you know like not like do you know where you can see the levels of dark like the colors of tea you go from like white to like yeah i'm a medium dark tea yeah yeah yeah and then you want a bafta oh yeah for this documentary called finding my secret family oh i can't believe we got a bafta because you never you never do what you do like for me it was just filming a documentary talking about my journey but then also helping disability and children in the care system you never think that you're gonna get this biggest award ever ellie we are coming to the end but i want to ask about baking yeah you're a baker you bake i do well not at the moment i'm on a bit of a a halt with bacon at the moment because the thing is so i i live on my own yeah you eat it don't you so like yeah the thing is i've got sweet tooth so if i did eat it if i bait it i would eat it all and i can't freeze it i'll eat all of them you can freeze a loaf cake loaf cake and then what you do is then you make the ganache ice in and put it in the fridge oh we still eat it it's just colder oh so yeah maybe i'll do that in the future i'll just make a big and again i know this is a bad excuse to time literally busy woman a couple of hours at home like you've got like i'm sorry the bbc good food has got the ellie simmons scones oh yeah there you go my chocolate and orange scones do you say scones or scones scones scones scones whatever yeah yeah the ellie simmons chocolate orange scone i should have brought some for you today because that would have been a good excuse to make for you and well what's the what's the technique are you uh crumb yeah crumb and then i also put the zest in plus the liquid to make it more orangey so the liquid into the milk to make it more orange i know you're food critic so what would you say it sounds absolutely delicious after 2012 I went on the great british bake-off like the comic relief and scones or scones were in one of those categories like you know when you do the signature and then the blind and all that they were in there so I think because I came joint first and it was the best one of the best shows I've ever been on were scared i was nervous but you know i'm in a tent you know i'm baking for mary berry and paul hollywood you don't get scared do you really like i've asked you about six separate questions where i went were you nervous and you're like i get nervous for the silly things now though i get nervous for flying but not going on to the great british bake no i was excited for that very i didn't get a paul hollywoods handshake so i didn't get one of them but maybe next time if I ever go on in the future I'm trying to shake my hand and give me a star you've done the Paralympics you've won a batch of medals you've smashed through the world of television you've got a BAFTA and you've told me that you manifested coming on this podcast right what's on the manifesting list next this year so we're 2025 in um I'm doing I'm currently doing a film in a documentary at the moment and not allowed to say what it is sorry get us some prosecco get her a bottle and a straw we'll ask her in 20 minutes i love it secret squirrel you know i'm not allowed to know what it is no and then also i want to travel more as well see the world that's my um just have more of a balance in life just like do stuff for me maybe now you can Even though I said travel more.

48:00You can get drunk and fall in a bush now. Yeah, I can get drunk, fall in a bush. Yeah, full trip over every single day if I wanted to now. I've got that freedom. I can do anything. Ellie Simmons, this has been an absolute joy. Thank you for comforting me with me. Oh, no, thank you so much for having me on. This is my 2025 done now. I can finish it.

48:28this episode of comfort eating was produced by eva krishak and hati moya the executive producer is lucy greenwell the music was written by axel kakutia mixing and sound design was by solomon king if you love comfort eating go and leave us a review and you can follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

48:56This is The Guardian.