Albert Brooks and Rob Reiner

26:12you know it's interesting uh rob you got this taste with all in the family how old were you is it 1970 71 i was 23 you're 23 and that's a show that everybody in the country starts watching i mean it was i remember in our family everybody that's what you did yeah you watched all in the family. And by the way, we were a country of 200 million people at that time. And we had 40, 45 million people watching every week and they couldn't TiVo or DVR. You had to watch it when it was on. So you had a shared experience by 40, 50 million people watching this every week. And that's what a big successful sitcom was.

26:54You had to get those. You know, those are extraordinary numbers. But if you didn't get 30 million, you didn't stay on. Well, it's hilarious now to look at the ratings. It kept eroding over time. No, but seriously, it's kept eroding over time. I sit back, I have a drink and laugh at 1.1. Yeah, yeah. Seriously, like if you can get a million people to watch. Yeah, like that monster hit is five to 10 million people and they're not all watching at the same time. That's what that, Nielsen had to come up with those things or they were going to go out of business. Those after things, you know, you can't, We're not going to pay you to tell us 700 ,000 people watched.

27:32Okay, okay. Well, look. And then another 200 ,000 watched on their watch the next day. All right. All right. And? 200 ,000 saw it in their suit. 40 ,000 people heard it. Okay. Add that. And 10 ,000 people told someone else. Not enough. All right. All right. We'll come up with another thing. And you can't talk to anybody about a show that you've seen. That's the problem. Because they always say, I didn't see that. I'm only on season one. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. So you can't ever have a discussion. We have a talk. Everybody talks. The water cooler is gone. Yeah. But I remember how much of my life, my childhood was seeing, you know, you on All in the Family and how that was a cultural event.

28:16You being on Johnny or your films on SNL. You talked about it. You know, it would happen on a, it would happen. And then you'd, you'd all talk about it. my friends who were into comedy and I would talk about it in Brookline, mass. Think about, think about this. Talk about appointment television, Saturday night live. When it first came on, that's a Saturday night that, and you had to watch it when it was on. And it was, you know, it was on 1130 and 1130 and on the West coast, kids, young people in parties would stop whatever they were doing and watch Saturday night. And that, that, you know, also, I think we have to bring this up because it's in the doc and it's something I did not know, which is that you were approached by Lorne at...

28:59And Dick Ebersole. Dick Ebersole, wonderful, wonderful man. Yeah, you have a great love for him, don't you? You know, his knowledge of comedy is stunning. Yeah.

29:15Anyway, he's on the Rushmore. He's on Mount Rushmore. But anyway, those guys approached you about building SNL around you. And you said, I think that's a mistake. Well, here's the thing. I, you know, it's 50 years ago and I'm maybe Lauren has another memory of it, but it wasn't that complicated. In the fall of 74, I went to a meeting and they said, because that was Johnny Carson's rerun night. And they said, we're going to stop doing that. We're going to put an original show. We want to do it live from New York, and we'd like it to be Albert Brooks' show. You would be the host. Now, I had flirted with television twice before, and thank God, the way life works, I didn't do it.

30:08One, about two and a half years earlier, I got offered my own summer show on CBS. Six shows. And I mean, it was going to be the Albert Brooks show. what kind of show will it be? I was, you know, really starting to think. There were offices. We got offices. And then I was asked to Carol Burnett, who was the big CBS star, was honored. And I was asked to perform at the event. And I didn't have a lot of stuff. I had bits that I did from the road, one of which was on my album, Comedy Minus One, not to be confused with Godzilla. a minus one. Somebody said, is that where you play part of a monster? I said, I don't have any.

30:59But so I performed to that. And I did this bit that I did on my record, where if you're a comedian and you're performing in the South and you're bombing, then you have that fail safe. You dig deep and you come out and you pronounce it clearly and you somehow get out the word shit. And that turns everything around. They laugh for 20 minutes. I said, people run out, they build a statue in the park, you know. And so basically it was shit saved my life. So the next day I get a call and William Paley called my agency and said, this foul mouth young man will not appear on my network. So I didn't do that.

31:47So and then earlier on, I was going to do a sitcom that I backed out of in a meeting where that was already a go. Aaron Spelling was producing it. It was a whole season approved. And Michael Eisner, the last question said, well, let me ask Albert, though, what do you see for this character in five years? And I said, suicide.

32:13and I stood up and I said I'm not ready this is not going to work and I left and the agents follow me into the elevator and one of them said you should wait you should wait and the other said I don't think it's a good he should do it and and so after those two I was done with television I wanted to make movies so a I wasn't going to do the Albert Brooks show but I also thought that they were talking to somebody from Los Angeles. And when they said we're doing a live show at 1130 in New York, to me, live meant nothing. There was no live. I didn't see anything that I wasn't supposed to see. If somebody in New York said a swear word, it was cut out long before I saw it.

33:02So I had a couple of thoughts. I said, well, wouldn't it make more sense? I mean, The Tonight Show, in essence, is live. They never stop. What if you did one at 4.30 and one at 7.30 and put the best together to air? But they wanted live, and obviously it worked. It was a, you know, but I knew that I would be John Belushi. I'd be on eight grams of Coke. I'm not good starting at 1130. It's why I hated the road. I never got that third show at midnight. It just didn't make sense to me. It's too late, too much. And I said, you know, every show has the same host. You should use different hosts each week.

33:45So they said, okay, well, thanks for coming in. Then four months went by. They hadn't done anything yet. They came back to me. we want you associated with the show what do you want to do i said i want to do short films so i made an agreement to do it i did them here and for that in the spring of 75 lorne and i did the national junket in those days they would take the sheridan universal and every reporter would have a different room and they'd set up the room so they could pretend And you came to them. Yes. So you'd walk into a room. There'd be this fake palm tree. Albert Brooks, welcome to Fort Lauderdale.

34:29Thank you. Wow, it's sweaty out there. You know, they loved if you played along. Sure, yeah. And it was the same interview. So you're going to make short films for a new show. I am. What's the show about? I don't really know. Here's the producer, Ask Lorne. And he didn't know at that moment. What's the show about? Well, we're going to have the new kind of comedy and it's going to be new in that. So then from that point, Lorne got his primetime players and he built this show that has been the longest running show in television. So obviously he did it perfectly. But that's the way it went down. I love the short film that I remember.

35:08And I'm one of those believers that God is in the details. You know, I just love the little things. And devil is in the details. And the devil is in the details. They're both in the details. How does that work? I wish you hadn't brought that up. but the school where they teach you comedy. Well, that was not for Saturday night. That wasn't for SNL? No, that was the first thing. That was for a show called The Great American Dream Machine. I just remember. I had written an article for Esquire called Albert Brooks' Famous School for Comedians. Which many people took seriously. 2 ,000. How many people applied?

35:412 ,000 tests they got. They took these tests, but one of my favorite things is - We had pictures of a fake school. It was like those famous artist school. And then we had a two-page comedy talent. Yes. Well, there's a short - Via Don Rickles. That woman wearing that mink over there looks like a bear, squirrel, gentile, you know, and then you had to check the box, you know. Well, it's you walking down the hall and saying there's a different class going on in each room. And then you say, in this class, We're going to look at students are learning the spit take. Now, you remember when Danny Thomas on his show would do his someone with his agent would give him bad news and he'd spit his coffee out.

36:25Well, here they're learning the famous spit take. Let's see how it's going. You open the door. And what I love, it's it's a it's maybe 30 students in a horseshoe shape around. And there's a teacher talking. The floor is covered with spit and coffee. And I always as a kid, I remember seeing that and howling. I know what's coming. Yeah. And it was this wonderful thing that many people think comedy is not knowing what's coming. No, there's a beautiful kind of comedy where you're told, you open the door and there's coffee everywhere. And then they do it. No, no, Lucille, you dribbled. That's not. Not enough of a spray.

37:02And then there was a class and many times when comedians make it big, they give back to society. Here in this class, students are choosing which disease to work for. in case they make it big. And one student is going, what about eczema? He says, no. That's not going to work. Yeah, he says, yeah. Another student, I thought it was cured. No, it's not. Picking the three diseases left. But anyway, I did that about three years before Saturday night. But that got my taste for the whole film. I remember seeing that and loving it And then loving that with the short films and then the movies, you're treated as if you have a sense of humor.

37:47You're going to find out where the comedy is. And I think one of the things that really held true for Spinal Tap, it was so true to a real documentary that, you know, long before now, mockumentary as a whole channel, probably in streaming. This was before that really that happened. And of course, you did it in real life. And it's it's up to you to decide as an intelligent person where the comedy is. Yeah, I mean, which is a chain, which was a change at the time, because it's look, comedy is still a second class in the world. It's why they say at the Oscars, you know, should there be a category for comedy acting?

38:31Like, it's the stupidest thing I ever heard. But somehow it was like an acting school. If a student could cry, which is only a chemical thing, it has nothing to do with emotions. If you're a person whose tear ducts are such that you keep your eyes open and you can start to produce, you'd get an A. Because people think that that's good acting. And, you know, scenes, dramatic scenes where people yelled, that was good acting. And that's sort of the way the whole world thinks. And drama is considered the serious part of it. And comedies like, and it's the same as what you're saying, because most comedies would let you know it's a comedy.

39:15Right. You know, it's like, you know, either even with the logo, you know, the zany thing or the kooky music. They wanted to let the audience know. They wanted to release it. Remember, Airplane was a, you know, big, big hit comedy. And we came in after that. and they said, well, we're going to do, you know, instead of the twisted plane, we're going to have a twisted guitar and that's going to be... I said, all right, that's good. That could have saved it. But, you know, you're saying it's very close to the bone. That's what you would do and it's very close to real. I hired a DP who had done a lot of rock and roll documentaries who had shot them and as we're shooting it, he says, I don't understand.

39:56What's funny about this? This is what they do. This is the real thing. There's nothing funny here. and I said yeah no but we're twisting it a little bit you don't you know. But also the I think you both have done this masterfully but awkward silences and I brought up De Niro before but De Niro and Raging Bull his and he's played this character so many times but someone who notices something and then kind of can't let it go. Yeah well De Niro's always like that I mean once you say you're talking to me if nobody answers you shouldn't keep asking. He had his answer. No. No one was talking to you.

40:32But he won't take no for an answer. But he won't take no. But I love that so many times I see, and it's in all your work, but in defending your life, there's so many times where you just, you can't let things go. You want to know more. But that's Albert. Yeah, and that is you. That is Albert. That is Albert. He doesn't let anything go. Well. You know, he still has, I'm not going to do that joke. No. I don't know what the joke is, but if you think you shouldn't do it, don't.

41:03that instinct is usually you were talking about the tonight show i don't know i never got a straight answer but there was like four years that i was on that are gone yeah and i never repeated a bit ever so i think of some of those bits i did a bit once that was i loved so much and i was hoping but it was in those years that were gone you know what happened though right It's a famous story. Well, I heard two stories, a fire or they taped over. No, no. I mean, a fire would be somewhat excusable. They taped over? What happened was someone - Oh, I'm going to hear the answer. Which bit was it? I want to know the bit.

41:38I'm going to tell you, but what happened? But Albert's directing now. Is this one of those awkward silences that you're talking about? It's becoming it. Look, we're letting the tension build. But you commented on it. Then I broke the silence. Did they tape over? I was going to get to it in my own time and in my own way. But now I feel rushed and rattled and rightly intimidated by Albert Brooks, as I knew I would be. Let's go to the Sinatra. Apparently all the tapes were preserved. They were in a warehouse that was in like New Jersey. And a bean counter said, we've got all these tapes. Hey, what's this for here?

42:16And they're like, that's storage. Those are all the old Tonight Shows. From 63 to... 76. 76. Those are all of the Tonight Shows. Are the tapes still good? Yeah, the tapes are good. Well, erase them. Let's reuse them. So one person, now I talked to Rick Ludwin who worked on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show and he said, it wasn't Rick, but he said, I know there was a guy who had to go to Johnny and say all your work from 1960, you trading quips with Groucho, you with your idol, Jack Benny, you with all these, it's all gone so that they could put some I Dream of Genies on a tape. And that's a funny reference, Sony.

43:01You'll enjoy it later. Look it up. I'll enjoy it later. I'll think about it. You'll think about it. Google it. But not much later. There was a clip. There was a clip. It's all gone. Well, I don't think it was 63. No, no. But I'll tell you this. Intermittently, you mean. No, but you know what I'll tell you? I will tell you that the clips that tended to survive were ones that Johnny, if it's like the Ed Ames or something like that, he would say, oh my, get me one of those so I can show it to people at the house. Now when you say the Ed Ames, does your audience know? Of course not. They know what the Ed Ames is?

43:35I'm talking down to my audience now. I'm above them on a cloud and they're in the mud. If you don't know Ed Ames, no, it's a famous tomahawk throw. And I think it's from 63. He hit his cock. And he hit the crotch of the dummy. And it looked like a penis. And it looked like a penis with an erection. And Johnny's dying laughing. And I think he calls it frontier bris. Huge laugh. You could tell it was an accident. And it was the original viral moment. My biggest fear in all of the universe is that I die and there is a heaven. And God says to me, I can see your cock.

44:13Wait, but why you specifically? Why is, you know. You, I don't care. But anyway, I did this one bit that was really great. Remember the Ed Sullivan plates? Oh, yeah. You had to get all the plates at one time spinning. So I brought out five people, and I said to the audience, I'm going to attempt something that's never been done. I'm going to start, and I'm going to make this gentleman laugh, and I'm going to go down, and if it happens correctly, at the end, all five will be laughing together. and so I started and there was music but he was talking to their ears you didn't hear what I said I would talk to them and it was only a specific joke for them and the first guy would go and I'd go to the next guy and then the first guy would start to go oh and I'd run back and say he would go up again it's a great bit we couldn't find it it's erased the other thing we couldn't find is my father went on the tonight show and actually said that Albert Brooks was the funniest he said albert einstein albert einstein at the time his real name was the funniest person he knew johnny said who do you like these when i was 16 when you were 16 years old you get name checked by johnny on the tonight show we couldn't find that clip either what a thrill this i have to bring up which is the similarities you're you're good friends you've been good friends uh since high school and there are some similarities uh both your fathers uh in the business you lost your father at an early age uh you know it's a it's a very sad story um he died performing at a friars club yeah roast on stage park your carcass and uh um you that was a loss that clearly had a huge effect on you yeah obviously yeah he says something in the documentary that that i didn't know and when i heard it i couldn't believe it he said that when he was a kid he used to go to sleep with the radio on and his mother would come in while he was sleeping and turn it off at night.

46:13And one morning he woke up and the radio was still on. It was like three in the morning, three in the morning. He woke up and he said he knew at that point that his father had died. Your father had been sickly. He was sick my whole life. You know, he was healthier for my brothers. But by the time I was born, it was not it was not good. And he had trouble walking. So for my life, he was ill, always ill. So I was always worried about it. So it wasn't like a premonition. I thought this was happening every day. I had heard about it. And then you and I got to have a dinner once and you told me the story and it's absolutely unbelievable.

46:49He was on the Friars Club Deus and it's 1958 and he destroys, I mean, absolutely destroys. And he's the hit of the night. You can listen to it. Yes, I listen to it. And then he goes back and he sits down at his seat and passes away and it's weird because it's the thing that comedians talk about sometimes almost in a wistful way like i'd love to kill in front of a crowd and then just quickly go and what i'm always amazed at is that he finished you know it could happen on the way up to the mic it could happen during but he finished so that's the coolest part and then they try to save the evening the insane part that you they said that your your father they're working on him backstage.

47:30Milton Berle says to a singer at the time, go up there and sing. He had the number one hit in America. And he says, sing, sing. And Milton Berle didn't know what the song was. He says, go sing your hit, go sing your hit. Tony Martin stands up and he sang and his hit was called There's No Tomorrow. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Oh, fuck. There's no tomorrow. While they're working on your dad. Oh, my God. Good God. And now your father, of course, lived a wonderful, I think, 170 years. Yeah, 98. I got to know him. He was such a beautiful man, such a lovely man, so encouraging and absolutely lovely. The first time he came on my late night show, he came out and he said, this is my first time on the show, so I'm going to mark my territory.

48:20So he walked around to the back of the show miming, peeing. it but i don't think my crowd knew what mark your territory meant and he sat down and it had gotten nothing and he went well that completely didn't work and that was my favorite part my favorite part was him just saying that come you know because any bit where you have to get up leave the there's the perfect example yeah was carl walking around mocking peeing great or the fact that your audience didn't like it was it shitty or didn't understand it yeah yeah i'd say it was great last night i i was at cbs where we shot all in the family and all this stuff and they had a special for dick van dyke who's 98 and uh i opened the thing and introduced it and talked about how the first pilot of the van dyke show was my dad did it he started and it was called head of the family and it didn't sell and sheldon leonard who was producing the the show said the script is great we just need to find a better you that's where he entered dick van and i tell that story i told that story at the beginning you know it's funny i've seen the footage of the original dick van dyke show yeah which didn't have dick van dyke i've seen the footage of your dad in that role and it looks insane yeah because it's like if someone showed you casablanca but instead of humphrey bogart yeah you know ed winn yeah exactly going Doesn't that sound like a Sinatra song he never recorded?

49:52We just need to find a better you. Yes. A better you. So he was encouraging of you being in comedy? Was he worried for you? He didn't say anything. He never said yes or no. And so I never knew. I mean, I didn't know. It wasn't until I was like 19 and I directed a production of No Exit, of all things. John Paul Sartre, Richard Dreyfuss was in it. And that was the first time I ever got anything from my dad, where he came backstage and he says, that was good, no bullshit. And he looked me in the eye and said that. So the only time he ever gave me any kind of encouragement, and I went to visit him at his house then the next day, and he said, I'm not worried about you.

50:39You're going to be okay, whatever you want to do. But that was a wordy 19. I saw something. I mentioned this to you once, and I feel like I failed because I can't find it. But somewhere I saw footage because briefly you were part of a doubles act. You were partnered with Joey Bishop's son. Yeah, Larry Bishop. Larry Bishop. And someone with like a Super 8 camera right after you've done a show, maybe it's 1968, 69, takes you out onto a fire escape and interviews both of you. Wow. And they're talking to both of you about you having famous dads. I saw this thing and I thought, well, surely you've seen this.

51:16And then you said you've never seen it. I've never seen it. And Larry and I opened at the Hungry Eye for Carmen McRae. And we were booked into all those night clubs, the ones, you know, the rooster tail in Detroit, Mr. Kelly's in Chicago, Paul's Mall, The Bitter End. We were booked into everyone. And after that run, he said, I can't do this anymore. By the way, before that in high school, I had an act with Larry. Yeah. And this is funny. Al and Larry, we were in high school. And there was no such thing as an improv or any place. A guy on Coenga named Laird Brooke Schmidt. He looked like Ernie Kovacs.

51:56He opened his house. He called it Laird's Lair. So you could. That was you. I think it was. It's not a pedophile. No. No. Here was the rule. Creeps right now all over America are hearing this going, that's it! It's a comedy club! Here was the rule. You could perform there if you brought the audience. So Larry and I had to bring our friends from high school who heard the same bits at lunch. This time they had to pay$5 and sit in a guy's house. It's in the living room. It's the same thing. And they're looking at us like, oh, okay, but what is this? This was lunch. And, you know, well, it's a club.

52:37And it was a guy's house. First thing I've ever seen in this city that even got strangers together at a person's house. And how long did that guy's thing last? Till he came. Oh, that's right.

52:59He had a very strange proclivity. Very strange poclippity. Comedy got him off. That was Robert Redford hitting the lights in the natural. Slowly Albert's going around the bases. The music's playing. All is coming down. Oh my God. We'll be right back.

53:33You know, I will say has had a big effect on me as a human being is the message behind Defending Your Life. The movie about fear, people who move on to a higher plane are the ones that were less afraid in their life. I think about that a lot. It's very profound and probably has influenced me more. Are you frightened? Do you have any fears that you need to overcome? Yeah, many, many fears. And I just, I, I, that movie spoke to me. It's hilarious. And, you know, and I think because I haven't gotten over mine, but I see facing that tribunal and saying, but I made the movie. Yeah. Doesn't that count for something?

54:17Come on, man. You're sitting in the same chair saying, I mean, look, I did this. I mean, let me go on. I made this. Doesn't count. But I don't know. No, that really spoke to me, that taking risks, doing things, and we're not here long. No, and we're also, it's one of those things we're stuck with from the original humans. You know, we're stuck with a lot of things we don't need. And that's one of those primordial feelings that you needed in a world we don't live in. The tiger or the lion. Yes, and the things that you would be afraid of, and especially in a world where the sky looks like 800 gods.

54:58I mean, everything is scary. You don't know anything. So I don't think that, you know, we've adapted very well to what there is to be afraid of and what there isn't. Not that there isn't shit to be afraid of, but sometimes you feel it all the time and it's not necessary all the time. I heard a fact once that the human mind is fascinated by the most recent and interesting way to die and puts that right at the top of the list. So if when COVID came along, everyone said, oh, my God, it's COVID. If I can avoid COVID, I'll be fine. Suddenly, everything else, colon cancer, lung cancer, heart attacks, car accidents, falling, disappeared.

55:40We love to move what's the latest thing to the top of the list. You know, after 9-11, it was if I can get on a plane and land safely, I'll be OK. Right, right. And that's our tendency. And it goes back millions of years. But I think we have news for people. They're going to die at some point of something. Yeah. That's the news. That's the news. It's always trying to localize it to be able to understand it. That's why. Because, you know, there's too many things to think about otherwise. Well, this gets to I had a conversation with Albert once. And at the time, I was saying to Albert, I've done some stuff I really like that really makes me laugh.

56:21And I've worked with some really brilliant people and I've got this body of work that I'm proud of, but it's television. I said, you've, and this is both of you, you've made movies. and I was saying that those last, what I've done is I said, I'm in the disposable, I'll never forget. I said, I'm in the disposable pen business. I think I've made a lot of good big pens. They were used and they've been tossed out, but you've made movies, which I put on this whole other level. And Albert with great conviction was saying, you don't understand. None of it matters. And I, I had this fight 30 years ago with Rob, because I remember it may be 20 years ago.

56:58Rob at the time was saying that the great movie stars, when movie stars were the Cary Grants, the card, they will always be remembered. And I said, nobody will always be remembered. Nobody in the movies. Maybe Hitler, maybe Einstein, maybe Elvis Presley. But that's about it. Yeah. You know, it's just. Yeah, but the thing is, you did things, whether disposable, you made people laugh. Yeah. And people will come up to you and say, that made me laugh. So you made somebody feel good. And that's all it is. It's all the same. I took what Albert said as it calmed me. It made me feel better. Now, most people, now, it's a total coincidence.

57:41Shortly after that, I did some interview, I think, with someone at the New York Times. And they were telling me, you know, what do you think about your legacy? And I said, it doesn't matter. And then I quoted, you know, Albert. And I said, you know, Albert Brooks told me none of this matters. and I set it as the good news. The good news is I think I've had good intent. I've tried. I keep trying. And then I'm gone and you move on. But the thing that was fascinating about it was that so briefly, Conan and Albert were trending as goth. That we were goth. And I was like, well, no, we're not. This isn't, I don't think of this as a doomsday thing.

58:18Because it matters at the time. At that moment, yeah. At that moment, it matters. But that's all anything matters, right? It's just a minute. You know, I saw I got to ask to write a thing about Johnny Carson once. So I did this research and I read a 1980 profile in Rolling Stone magazine of Johnny Carson. And in it, Johnny's moaning and bitching about how all the big stars are gone. He said there are no big stars anymore. He said we've, you know, and he's talking about, you know, Groucho's gone. Bogart. Bogart's gone. People he loved. All the people, they're all gone. And who's left? There's nobody.

58:53And I'm thinking, what do you, I mean, everyone thinks everybody's perspective. And my perspective was, well, I came along in 93, but boy, what if I could have talked to Jimmy Cagney? Well, no, don't be stupid. There are so many people now that come up to me and say, oh my God, you got to talk to all these people for almost 30 years who are gone now, who were giants. And I think at the time, that's not how I thought about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I knew it was - But you know something, oddly enough, there are no stars anymore. Well, that's not true. No. That's not true. The only true, wait a minute.

59:27Margot Robbie is a star. No, but wait a minute, wait a minute. No reason Bobby worked with Margot Robbie. Tom Cruise is a star. Right. There's no question about it. Tom Cruise is a star. Right. But the way in which we thought of stars, they're not people that carry pictures that you go to see because that person is in the movie. You'd go because that person, right now you got Taylor Swift in music and Tom Cruise. Who else would you, I have to go to the movie theater. didn't do that well we weren't so happy with it I'm just being the guy from Paranormal use someone else please because these numbers are devastating no I mean I'm telling you when you see Barbie is the example of a modern movie star but Barbie was the star she's great don't get me wrong I love Margot Robbie I'm telling you I think another person and that the movie would not have been the same.

1:00:24You mean Ruth Buzzi? Yeah.

1:00:28From Westerly, Rhode Island, Ruth Buzzi. Don't ask me why I know that. It's different, but those guys, the Humphrey Bogarts, they made 11 movies an hour. You know, they were just making them. It wasn't even about, they made so many movies that that's why you went to see them. It wasn't out of the blue, Casablanca came and everybody went. It was just the 18th movie he made that year. And that was their 11th choice, I think. Yeah, that was called television. That's what they did. But there was a period that we were brought into. There were people, they said, he'll open a picture. You get this person or that person, and they will open the picture, meaning you'll get a good first weekend.

1:01:11And there was a list of people. And now what opens a picture is, you know, action, superheroes. That opens a picture. But the star itself doesn't open the picture. Yeah, we may have crossed into a thing where the actual picture opens the picture. I mean, the Marvel world is a little bit different than what... But that's fraying now. They're having trouble. Well, we don't know. Yeah, they're struggling. Well, they're struggling. Yeah, they're struggling. I read a treatment for Uncle Marvel that was...

1:01:46the ability to kvetch kvetch and what was the story what was the story for Uncle Marvel like he said it was a reluctant guy

1:01:59I don't know if I should this don't even fit anymore

1:02:06how do you breathe in this fucking thing

1:02:13we got the testing back from uncle marvel she's hot literally

1:02:28it has to be satisfying to both of you that nothing ages like uh comedy and you've both done all this work that that you know if i talk to an 18 year old comedy nerd they will look at your stuff and say this is uh this is genius this is brilliant this is terrific uh that has got to be a good feeling yeah even you have to feel good well you're just telling me this now i don't know who you talk to they're not smart people they're idiots call me once in a while i love that this is a little tidbit i think i can share which is you had me over to your house uh rob to watch the documentary and then you confided me as the lights were going down albert may come by if people if this goes over well yeah no albert if this goes over well and i got the sense that he was circling the neighborhood in a car like a shark but he wanted to hear how it went over and then the lights came up and the first thing i said to you is i think you can call albert yeah and you came over i wasn't circling i don't live far and i but you were nervous you were on the roof the truth is i there were six other screenings and i was driving like mad that night circling 18 houses yeah well uh this has been an absolute thrill delight it checks every single box i think i'm getting out of the business gentlemen which was your aim i think when you came here let me make sure i mentioned too because i want to i I did say I want to mention that you have a podcast.

1:03:58Yes. And we have many people listening to this, so let's get the word out on yours. Yeah, no, it's Who Killed JFK. You can get it anywhere you get your podcasts. And it basically commemorates the 60th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. And there's 10 episodes. They drop every Wednesday. And I think if you listen to all 10, you will get 60 years of information will be put in a place that you can kind of understand what happened on that day. And by the way, like me, he has assembled some hysterical bits from JFK. Yeah. We have one. People don't know. JFK did a lot of good bits. The grassy knoll.

1:04:35What was that one? I had a bit I was nowhere to do it I was working on, and that's that if Walter Cronkite were working today and this happened, let me do 30 seconds of it. And 2.10 a.m., it's official, John F. Kennedy assassinated in Dallas. Let's go to our panel. At the end, from the Lincoln Motor Company, Jack Ryan, well-known gardener, Javier Martinez from Winchester, Paul Allen. Let me start at the end with the Lincoln. Why it was 74 degrees? Is that when you suggest the top should be down? Well, Walter, at Lincoln, we don't really make the rules, but we say to the customer, we were above 80.

1:05:50So it was too cold. It shouldn't have been down.

1:05:57Paul, how far can the Winchester... Well, first let me ask Javier. Talk to me about the grassy knoll. How often is that mow?

1:06:10Yeah, it's a 24-hour news site. It doesn't have that same impact. This is probably too dark, but I've had a thought in my mind, which is what if Zapruder had gone on to make other films? Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. That was a comedy bed idea I had. And he comes out with other films, and they don't have anything to do with that. And the critics are killing him because it doesn't have the impact of his first film. And then he's enraged. Like, why am I constantly being judged on my first film? I'm being typecast. I'm being, I'm pigeonholed here. But then he starts, as his films sell less and less, he starts going back to there is a motorcade, even though it doesn't fit the story at all.

1:06:54That's a bit that I've had that I've been afraid to talk about out loud. Christmas Vacation 5 from Abraham Zapruder. You know, it's lacking the impact of the, gentlemen, God bless you both. Thank you. And that's a Christian God. Yeah. even though today's a tonica I know but it's my studio so have a happy Catholic Christmas both of you filled with Jesus Son of God eternally begotten of the Father God from God light from light true God from true God begotten not made of the Father sold

1:07:33thank you fellas thank you goodbye Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

1:08:19Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

1:08:39You