Amy Poehler

25:19And we just banged out sketches all day long, site gags, whatever. And then at the end of the day, we'd submit them and go home. But that was, and I remember thinking, this is not the show business I wanted to be in. I want to be backstage. I want to see showgirls, people in horse costumes, people dressed, you know, as a knight. I want all that craziness. And get to SNL. it didn't matter if you were like me 23 24 years old he'd just say all right what have you got what's your name conan okay and let's hear your idea and you tell the idea okay go pitch it to steve martin me or go pitch it to comedy and pick any comedy icon and i remember thinking you're allowing me to go into a room alone with this person i could have an you know like yeah why do we have you done a background check on me yeah finish that sentence you would have a what a knife Well, I mean, if it was...

26:09I carried a knife back then. You always bring... Yeah, you always were flashing your knife. It's a Brookline thing. You were spinning your knife. Yeah, a Brookline knife. You're a knife guy. And I used to just... It was one of those ones that flips out and flips back, and I was always around, and I remember it a lot of people normally was like, can you not do that? But it's Brookline, so it's a cheese knife. It's for cutting cheese. It's for brie. Having parties and stuff. Yeah. Look at this. And then nice for you. Yeah, and a beautiful slice of a brie, yeah. but one of the things I always loved about you, and I don't know if this comes from, I read somewhere, maybe it comes from your dad, but you were fearless physically, comedically, and you are, like, you know, you would, if the joke called for you as Andy's little sister to go charging down the aisle and leap and hit him so that he falls over, I look at that footage now, it's online.

27:00It's a good jump, it's a good jump. You leap like a leopard. You hit Andy. He goes over. It's one of the biggest laughs I've heard in studio because the running joke was you have a crush on me. And I'm always trying to politely explain that I'm and then you think Andy's whatever getting in the way and you attack and you would give these great speeches. But you run by the great Brian Stack by the great Brian Stack. I remember you. I do think there is I hope it's still not the case. but there used to be this kind of long ago. I don't know what you're going to say. I know. Me neither. I'm excited.

27:36There used to be serfs in the medieval period. Oh, we're going far that far back. In a sense that you got to be ladylike. Do you know what I mean? That if a guy's, I mean, I remembered my mom being a little bit that way, which is if I'm being completely inappropriate, it was funny if one of my sisters was doing it, it was like, no, hold on. That's not really. and it was a thing. She came from a very traditional Irish Catholic background and you've got to be a lady. And so I don't know. Yeah, well, you bring up my dad, but I do think it's true. Like your family of origin helps you kind of decide the boundaries of your life, right?

28:12Like what you're allowed to do. And I had a kind of like a paper moon relationship with my dad where he was very like on the move and took me with him kind of vibe. So he definitely instilled a lot of confidence and almost like a hustle that didn't feel very gendered at the time. It wasn't like I was supposed to be this or, you know, he kind of both my parents were very funny. There was a lot of encouragement to speak my mind to kind of be a little bit of a challenger, which I didn't think was unusual until I did learn other people's systems. Like every family is a country with its own set of rules.

28:47And you don't know that that's true until you leave your country and you're like, oh, your family, you know, your dad is the one that, you know, everybody ignores or you're the older brother is right. The older brother's moods dictate the house, you know, dictate the mood of the house or, oh, in your family, you have to be polite and never tell the truth. Whatever is everyone's version of their thing. And I came from a family, I have to say, that really encouraged joking and teasing, which is a very Boston thing. And it wasn't until I left that family and went to other, or like went to college that I realized that's not everybody's way of life.

29:25Well, I remember my shock being coming out to Los Angeles and hanging out with, meeting Lisa Kudrow and hanging out and going over to her house. And her family was just, would talk, they lived in Tarzana, her dad's doctor. They would talk very openly about sex and it would freak me out. It still does. Like sex has never been discussed or acknowledged in my home with my parents. It was never, ever. and if something remotely sexy came on TV, it was, you know, like we could all see our breath. You are an actual stork baby. And then we'd just all get out of the room as fast as we could. And so, and to this day, I mean, nothing, you know, people don't talk about that stuff.

30:05Or have you ever seen families, I'm thinking of a specific family, when it would be their birthday, they would stand up and they'd give the most heartfelt toast, like, you are my sister. You're the person who, and it's so heartfelt. And you're like, this happens once and it happens at somebody's funeral when everybody's left. Like this is so intense to like the eye contact. Like teasing for me is a love language. Like the more I like you, the more I'll tease. And manners are for people that I don't know or don't even really like. Like, hi, how are you? But the tease to me shows that there's a familiar way and it's just the ultimate sign of love.

30:45But that's not the case with a lot. No. I've learned the hard way. Yeah, I remember dating someone once a long time ago and meeting her parents for the first time. And I said something like some kind of teasing mock put down of her, like, yeah, well, keep working on that. And her mother went, we don't do that in this house. We don't put people down. And I remember thinking, I need to go. I need to leave right now because that's not going to fly. But the Irish in me loves laughing and crying right next to each other. That's my favorite thing is being sad and then someone saying something truly ridiculous or out of pocket in the moment that makes everybody laugh, that's, I think, very Irish.

31:24Just getting as low as you can and going to the lowest basement and then finding the joke there and like shooting it up so that everybody can drink more. It's like everything we learned was... So there's a reason to toast. That was just implied. You know, it's interesting because you were talking to me about how you just always thought our show was there to stay and it was fine. And a lot of people don't know because this interesting thing has happened with Parks and Recreation where it is now just one of those shows that's chapter and verse and comedy people know it. And not just comedy people, but it's like it plays a lot.

31:57People really know it. It's esteemed. And they don't know that it was a running gun battle to keep that thing on the air. Big time. Yeah, every year we thought we were gone. for maybe the first four or five out of the seven seasons we were on because our show was on the table, hooked up to machines, and then a new show would come wheeling in next to us and they'd just be like, clear! And they would just be trying to save that show over and over again. And then they'd call time of death and they'd put this sheet over the show and they'd bring the show out. Well, suddenly Susan didn't make it. Hearts and rec's still here.

32:33Totally. We had about five upfronts where it was like, this is the next new big show. And we would watch it come in so hot with tons of marketing and then it would die. And we would just be like, beep, beep, beep. And so we hung in there and long enough until finally, like season five, like your show, like critically, we were very loved, but we were always worried we were going to get canceled. And although we would all give anything to have those numbers now, whatever we had. But it was like, you know, we have a 3.8 or whatever. And I was like, this is a disaster, you know. But then streaming happened, started to happen.

33:14It all started to like dovetail at the same time. I am every, I mean, almost every day, I thank the streaming gods and the internet because I never thought the stuff that we were making. I always thought we did this really weird thing tonight. It'll never be seen again because it's just tonight and maybe it'll be rerun once in the summer. But then that's it. It's gone. And I was at the SNL thing. And when you buy a Samsung television, there's a Conan O 'Brien channel. Yeah. And it won't go off my TV. Well, here's the thing. Are you trying to get it off? Yeah. Bill Murray came up to me and he was like, yeah, Conan, there's this thing on my TV.

33:48It's just you. And it's you. And I went, honey, and I can't get it off. I was like, well, I can't help you. And he went, yeah, you know, some of it's really good, you know. But it was just so weird that that stuff that I thought would never be seen. Yeah. There's moments on the Internet. And the good work gets picked out. It rises to the top. There's plenty of stuff we all did that we're like, okay. But that tends to not get passed around as much. And it creates this illusion that everything we did was super funny. That's true. Which in my case was like, no, that's a complete illusion. You're just not seeing the other ones because they don't get clicks.

34:22That's for sure. Yeah, that's sketch in a nutshell, too. So much of it is just like, what's your batting average? Like it's, you're going to, you're going to, you're going to get one out of three good sketches if you're lucky. Yeah. I mean, I feel like Parks was like that, the trajectory of that. And getting back to your show for a second, what was so exciting about being there at the beginning, not only was one of our own, like Andy was our, was an improviser that we knew who suddenly could. From Chicago. Yeah, from Chicago, who could buy an apartment and we could go over to it. Yeah. You know, we were like, what?

34:54I remember he had parties. He had an apartment that was like on 19th or 20th Street downtown. And it was kind of a loft. And he, you know, I wasn't having parties. I was just, you know, but I would go to Andy's parties. And it was everyone from UCB. You and Matt Walsh and Besser and Ian. And it's just like this whole salon of super funny people. Plus, sometimes you go to an Andy party and there'd be like a guy in a fez in the corner with an eyepatch. It looked, it had, there were like people with parrots on their shoulders. Yes. And it was just right in New York, like, you know, early 90s, like David Rakoff and Amy Sedaris and, you know, all these like people that were kind of coming through and just starting out as well in different ways.

35:33It was it felt very chic. And then also, truly, your show allowed me to pay my rent, get health insurance, tell my parents that I was going to be on TV. All the beginnings of that. It got me so many jobs. People saw, I think, my first movie, which was the world-famous Deuce Bigelow. Very, very proud of my performance in that. But I remember I think— You killed it. Killed it. But Rob Schneider, I think, saw me, like, on your show. And I think that stuff helped me when we were selling UCB The Sketch Show. It was just such a huge deal. And I can remember, you know, under six. Remember that, like, you know, if you had under six lines on Conan's show, you got paid a certain amount of money.

36:17And then if you got over six, you got paid like a hundred bucks more, you know, because of SAG minimums and stuff. It was a huge deal to, we did a ton of staring contests, a ton of bits. I think my first thing was I was under a giant, me and John Benjamin were under giant foam rubber Conan and Andy outfits. Yeah. And we had to run around a track all day or something. I remember I was, I saw... It makes no sense. No sense. I was like, I made it. I did it. I was just at this SNL, and I saw Tina, and I saw, she's with her husband, Jeff, Jeff Richmond, and immediately, I'm sorry, Jeff, but I immediately go to, when we first, we used Jeff Richmond, who's, you know, scores all this stuff.

37:05He's very brilliant. He's incredibly successful. We used him, and he played, like, he played Cupid. So he was in a diaper hanging on a rope with a bow and arrow, you know, and like some glitter in his hair and no shirt. And he's kind of just spinning at rehearsal awkwardly. And I didn't know who Jeff was. And then it's over. And I think I'm doing something. And Amy had passed. I'm not Amy. Tina had passed a monitor and she went, that's my husband, you fucker. What have you done to him? Yeah, I learned so much. I don't care what he does. He'll get an Oscar for scoring something and I'll still think, heh heh, you a Cupid.

37:47I learned so much on that show. I learned how to like, you know, get ready for a bit, how to not peak too early, how to figure out what the audience, like, you know, just basically how to play the rhythm of the audience, like camera blocking, all that stuff I knew nothing about. It's funny to me because I remember SNL really wanted you to do it and you were hesitant. Do you remember that? Yes, I remembered. there was I don't know if that's but I remembered it wasn't like yes yes yes yes well unless I'm remembering it incorrectly but that's how it felt to me I I think I was I don't think I was ever hesitant but at the time I had auditioned for a couple things that were and I and I had this stress of almost like this good girl stress of like I can't say no to these other things that might happen and they were all LA jobs because it was during pilot season and I remember thinking what if I tell the people I told them yes and I'll have to tell them no like I was very stressed about that but I don't remember waiting very long and you know I had the privilege of Tina really vouching for me because she was already there and Dratch and Horatio and people that were there who kind of were able to say like she might be a good hire take a look at her but um yeah I'm so glad I didn't and then you guys did you and Tina did update for four years was it four or five no i yeah it must have been four i think because then uh but but i but i'm not sure but but i you know i need to know my time i know maybe three call your publicist that we need three four i don't know it's all that doesn't help me it's all a blur it doesn't help me we need to know five four okay let's just not do this anymore um i'm sorry conan two one it was 15 years that you did it yeah but I I came in after Jimmy left and and you know like the fun thing about that show is people leave and people think how is this show gonna go on and it just does it keeps going on yeah like you know I started in 2001 two weeks after September 11th when the whole country was like we're never gonna laugh again right comedy's over that's it that's a wrap and I remember thinking um but i hear you and yes respectfully i hear you there was a famous there was a famous article that said uh i don't know it's kurt anderson or someone just said irony is dead like they'll never be nothing will ever be ironic again and yeah and um except that statement yeah exactly it's just like well no human this is what humans do yeah we go through whether it's the fires in los angeles whether it's 9-11, where it's, you know, we get hit over the head, we are stunned, we collect ourselves, and then we go back to doing what we do.

40:28Well, that's why I'm happy to be here today and why I'm starting a podcast too, is because all I want to do now is laugh. That's it. Like, I need, I want to be around people who, like, upregulate me. I want to find joy in things. It's been a rough and rowdy 10 years. and I just feel like it's, I just need to find for my own mental health that kind of thing. I think, first of all, you're going to kill it. But second of all, I think, I mean, everyone's going to want to talk to you. You can do both. You can be funny, but you can also talk about real things. I mean, to me, that's the secret is just to be open and accessible, I think.

41:08What's been the best part of doing this? I have to say, I just... Us. Yeah. Oh. Sorry. These are my prescription glasses. Let me see who's talking. Oh, no. That's okay. Who's that? Me? Oh, God, no. Tiny, tiny me. I think what I like about it is after all those years of... Okay, we're back. Now our next guest. You know him from the song Rocket Man. Elton John's here, whatever. Six minutes, and then, Elton John, everybody, all right. What's the matter with you? You know him from the song Rocket Man. If you don't mention Rocket Man, no one knows who Elton John is. That's a true fact. I brought him out and said, you know, from Benny and the Jets, he gets nothing.

41:50People boo. But I think my favorite thing is that this format is really liberating. And so how many times have you and I encountered each other over the years? How many times have you done the show? But now I really get to sit and talk to you. Yeah. And it's a treat for me. I look forward to it. I was excited today that you were coming in because I haven't talked to you for like a solid 45 minutes before. Yeah. And this is fun. There's no like magic trick. It's just fun to do. It is fun. And I would say I would posit a deeper thing there is that it's connection, like it's actual intimacy and connection, which I do think we're very hungry for.

42:32Yes. Everything feels very front facing and very external and like out into the world. And I do with you. I think what you hear, or if you're looking at clips online on this podcast or see is what it is. So this is what it is. And then if we break and go to lunch, we fight and bicker and joke and put each other down the way we would hear on the podcast. This is just what it is. It's not, okay, got to get ready to pretend to be this person. And I'm saying this for better or for worse. This is, you know, this is who I am. This is who you are. I'm not sure what you're doing. It's a big mess, Matt.

43:12You're a shapeshifter. It's been a tough 10 years.

43:20Someone told me, and I just want to, because my wife has a fascination with the show Below Deck. And I watch Below Deck, and I don't get it. And my wife is very smart, and she has excellent taste. But when she's watching Below Deck, I'm like, I don't understand. Not that much is happening. I love that she loves Below Deck. That's a sign of a smart lady. I do not watch a lot of reality TV. I don't like people getting embarrassed. And people get embarrassed on every reality show. But I don't like fake drama. But what I like about Below Deck, and I wonder if your wife feels the same, is when they clean the boat.

43:58I'm sure that's it. They have to turn over the boat. They have to get it clean. And every time it's like, are they going to make it? We don't like, so there's some weird thing where your brain, it's almost like, it's like watching, um, some, like a, a set be reset. You're watching it get reset. And I like clear delineations of power who is in charge. So there is a captain, like whether or not you like the captain, you know, that's your problem. But the chain of command is very clear. Yes. And there's the head, you know, there's the head of the, I should know all these names having watched it. But so many iterations of it now.

44:36Exactly. And so people have to report to each other. And that kind of status stuff really makes me laugh. But you're right. You're right. It's the cleaning of the boat. There is something about, I, you know, there'll be like young, good looking couples that hook up on the boat. And I find that that isn't as exciting to me as I get into the chef has to make a meal. and it's always these incredibly entitled rich people. And incredible. Do you know what I mean? And they're always there and they're like, this is for my wife's anniversary. And then they'll say things like, maybe it's fake, but they'll say at 11 o 'clock in the morning, you know, we want tonight's theme to be, and then they announce some insane theme.

45:15Yeah. They're on a boat in the middle of the Aegean sea and they're suddenly scrambling around trying to find, okay, the theme is volcanoes. They're building little volcanoes. People were dressing up as, and then the cook has to make, the chef has to make the food for everybody. It's always going wrong. And then it comes together. Yeah. And it's very satisfying. And then what do you have to do at the end? You've got to clean the boat. You've got to turn it over. You've got to get the sheets done. You've got to spray the deck and the aft. You can't just, you've got to clean it. You know, you might be onto something and maybe, Adam, I'm just going to throw this out there.

45:56we should include a segment where we're like hosing this table down oh my god by the way I would watch the shit out of that if you ASMR'd this table and you you put soap on it and then you washed it wiped it down and then spilled marbles on it and then the sound of the marbles and you had to pick the marbles up and Eduardo designed this so he's freaking out that we're getting soapy water happy to clean this table every post session but like just we could make that a new thing on the show yeah and if these mics could be made out of kinetic sand I would appreciate that. Just so I can play around with that.

46:29All these cool, tactile. That's incredible. Because it's so good for podcasts. People love it. Yeah, there's, I mean, I don't, but I can't, I don't really watch any other, I don't like any, I don't like people being embarrassed or stressed on TV. It gets me very stressed. I hate pranks. I hate pranks. And I always, my whole life, if someone wanted to do a prank on someone, my mind would always go, what if someone gets hurt? Yeah. I don't know why. It could even be just the simplest prank. And I think, I don't know, someone could get hurt and end up paralyzed. And people would be like, what are you talking about?

47:00We're just giving them a birthday cake, but it's not their birthday. I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Someone could end up paralyzed. I don't know why I always went to that. Yeah, pranks feel very Gen X. Like, we grew up with a lot of pranks, like Candid Camera. And then later on, you know, Knoxville. Ashton Kutcher. And Jackass. And so we had a lot of pranks in our life. And maybe we just got pranked out. Pranked out. but I don't like pranks and if someone did a prank to me I would feel like they hate me yes like I would feel super sad yeah if like I've never I don't even I've never had a surprise birthday thrown for me the one time I think it was going to happen I found out and I I kind of put a kibosh on it because to me a surprise party is an evil evil act of treachery betrayal yeah betrayal yeah it's a prank anyway Anyway, you're launching this weekly video podcast, Good Hang with Amy Poehler.

47:58It's going to come out this March. I will be listening to this podcast. I'd be thrilled to do it if you ever want me on. Please, thank you for saying that. I would love to have you on. I would love to do it. Thanks, Conan. I love hanging with you and you're one of my favorite people of all time and I know you're going to kill this. So it's a gift. All those years ago, you came into my life and were so funny and elevated everything on our show. Not everything, but a lot of things. why did I have to correct that? No, I mean it. But any sketches you were in it was just a magical time and I do feel nostalgic too.

48:29I do too. And I have to say the beginnings of things are the most tender time where everybody's the most tender. Yeah. And you were so kind to not only me but UCB and everybody during that time. You gave a lot of us our start so thank you very much. I'm glad I get to say that to you. I like a little bit of a cut. Yes. And you did make me sign something that I regret. I really regret. You're like Simon Cowell. Yeah, I am. Conan owns half of my house. Yeah. I just, I treated, I treated them all like they were a boy band in South Korea. And they were like, this is awful. Amy Poehler, thank you so much for being here.

49:07Thank you so much for having me. It was so fun, guys. Thank you so much.

49:20We're doing a series of ongoing staff reviews around the Team Coco facility here. It is important that every business rigorously investigate the employees and kick the tires on this thing. Make sure that every cog in the machine is working properly, don't you think? Yeah. With that in mind today, we're going to someone I've known for a very long time. Her name is Paula Davis. Hi, Paula. Hi, Conan. Don't just push the microphone up to your... That's the thing that, yes, there you go. That's how it works. Is that good? That's good right there. Paula. Yes, sir. You are my head booker. You've been my booker at Late Night from day one.

50:00This is true. And we knew each other before that because you were one of the first people I met when I showed up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in February of 1988. I show up at Saturday Night Live with my friend Greg Daniels. We both walk in and I sit down up in the area that's kind of near where Lorne Michaels' office is. And I start chatting with this very funny, wise guy, young lady. It's you. And I remember it immediately thinking, she's like my sister. She's really funny and quick. And I connected with you right away. Do you remember that? I do. Sort of remember. I remember we connected right away.

50:37You asshole. See? See what I'm telling you? Conan O 'Brien walked into a room and you kind of remember? You weren't Conan O 'Brien then. That's right. You were just this guy that was super young. That was before I changed my name. Exactly. You were just new writer guy. Yeah. But I did like you. Yeah. And we, so we knew each other in that world. And then you were with me all through Late Night, Tonight Show, TBS. And then when this thing started up, you were doing that. So you've been finding the good people for us to talk to all these years. Yes, I have. So I do, I mean, I'll start off by commending you for your fine work.

51:13Thank you. That's how he's starting off. Let's see where it goes. This will be fun. You know, I get irritated with you. Oh, yes, I do know that. Because I try and talk to you in the morning, and you're teaching a yoga class. That's true. And first of all, she's very serious about yoga. You teach yoga. I do. It's a great thing. I didn't know you teach yoga. I got certified a couple years ago. Wow. Congrats, Paul. That's cool. Thanks. Thanks, you guys. Yeah. And I always pick something insane to to be offended by. And I arbitrarily decided that you and also you work with like you do wonderful work.

51:50You're helping. Aren't you helping people, older people sometimes with yoga? Yes, I volunteer. You volunteer. You do really nice things. And I've decided that this is an affront because that's time you could be booking some people. And I'm talking like seven o 'clock in the morning. She's doing this wonderful work with, you know, basically elder care for free where she volunteers. And I'll harangue you. You should book some of those seniors and that'll show. That's a good idea. Also, in all fairness, anything that brings me joy, you don't like. Yes, that's true. That is true for all your employees.

52:29Joy killers. You don't like them having, feeling joy. Yeah, you're right. I don't know what that is. Why? Why, Paula? Psychoanalyze it. You're very smart. And by the way, Paula, once I was having this amazing interview and I will say it again, I've said it many times, the best interviewer on the planet is Howard Stern. I think he's a genius interviewer, always has been. And he just gets better and better. I idolize him as an interviewer. He was interviewing me once. We and I were having this moment and I brought you up and he said, was Paula here and we because you're a huge Howard fan this is true you came in and you were petrified petrified but you immediately psychoanalyzed us both brilliantly it was great really thanks yeah and then Howard was like wow she's great what did you say about Conan?

53:15I remember Conan saying we were talking about when he would come into my office and needed to sort out certain things and that I would say to him I'm not going down that road with you whatever the road crazy road of that day was yeah no no No, she has a... I'm not going down this road with you. Oh, yes, you are. Yes, Paula, a long time ago, and this is before I was getting cognitive therapy and realizing that without getting crazily boring, but our thoughts can take us places that then the emotions follow and it can get very negative. Anyway, you were the one that was like, no, no, no, we're not going down that road.

53:51We're not going down that negative road that you have in your head about yourself. And then you would say it the way you say to a dog, nope, out. Like off the couch. No, no. Yeah, off the couch. Yeah. I do that with our, we have a puppy now, Odin, and he'll just jump up on the couch and Liza and I'll be like, nope. And he quickly jumps off. That's how you are with me. Oh, good. We're not doing that. Right. It's great. Exactly. This is a glowing staff review. I have to say, oh, sorry. You go ahead. Well, I don't know you that well, Paula, but you're someone I greatly admire. I have always feel like you have an energy that just helps and brings people up.

54:26You're wonderful. That's so nice. Thank you. We gotta get this to be negative. You know what? I actually have a question. You'll find it. Sure. Because I feel like you've booked everybody. Is there a white whale for you? After all this time, is there someone that you would want to... Is it Cher? Because I hope it's Cher. It's Cher. Wow, what a leading question. Leading question for the process. Who is the one? Who do you want to book and why is it Cher? It's Cher, Dr. Kevorkian. Yeah. Anyone Armenian. Come on. You always bring up Dr. Kevorkian. Listen, I would love to talk to Cher. I have great admiration for Cher.

55:03I don't know. She's never promoting something. We haven't. I don't know. Or maybe she is and she doesn't want to do our show. I don't know. We're into it. Sorry. We're trying to work on dates. Yeah. If you must know. Really? Yes. Wow. I don't know if it's going to work out. We have very limited availability, I will just say. I will write any note you need me to write. Oh, that'll. Yeah. Good luck getting that past her nine layers of security. What? And so I'm Armenian, too. Let me in. Let me in, Cher. I know that your real name is Cher, Cher, Cher. And in. What? What is her real name? Sherilyn Sarkeesian.

55:41OK, all right. I'm just saying. No, but that's a real question. Is there somebody who's not? And why is it Cher? You know, it's Cher because we haven't done her yet. If there is someone, honestly, I can't think of who it is right now. Although I don't want to say. No, I don't know. that's a tricky thing because you're putting paul in a in a situation where she may have to say a name and so and i have a terrible memory so there definitely is but i also i think it's someone who's been dead for a while it's that's because she is for it on mike that's a great idea that's a great paul is always trying to book people that died quite a long time ago that does happen yeah that's one of my gifts is it exhausting to have meetings with conan because he's always doing like jokes and stuff?

56:25No, it's the best. No, be serious. You're lying. Sorry. No, no. Be truthful. Oh, okay. Well, it depends. There's a lot of varieties. If it's a big meeting and there's a lot of people there, you have to wait for the time where Conan teases everyone in the room separately. And then you have to wait until... So you have to get through that. But if it's one-on-one, it's not so bad. There's a lot. I can handle whatever it is. I can't handle it. Are there too many bits? No. Do you like the bits? I do like the bits. Sometimes, Paula has a great laugh. And if I can really, one of my favorite things to do, which I can't recreate right now, but I used to walk into an office and you'd be there with Gina Batista.

57:11And I think I tricked them almost every time. But we'd be talking and I would make sure that we were in a pretty serious vein. And they always had, you know, magazines, celebrity magazines there because they're in booking and they would flip through them to get ideas. You know, did we not have this person? And so, you know, I'd pick up one of those, an Us magazine, whatever, and I'd flip through and I'd go like, oh, fuck. And you would go like, what? What's the problem? And I'd go, why, if I'm in this, if I'm in this, why did you have the magazine here? And you guys would think for a second, oh shit, there's like a paparazzi photo of Conan and it's not flattering or he gets upset if he sees himself.

57:49And I would then proceed to read copy very fluently. Yes. Like fluidly. Legit. Meaning I'd be flipping through and I'd go like, hey, I didn't know I was in this. And why do you have this magazine out if I'm in it? Why do you have this Us magazine if I'm in it? And Paula and Gina would go, oh, oh, oh, shoot. I guess we didn't realize he's in it. And then I'd say, Red Terror rides again. And you guys would be listening. And at first I'd make it plausible. Cited that, you know, a certain Carrot Top Quipster was cited, you know, whatever, on, I always worked that in, a carrot top jokester was cited on La Cienega Boulevard, you know, entering whatever, and I always say like an ice cream store.

58:32And then I would proceed to describe the most horrible thing about myself. It was completely fake, but it was always me dropping my pants, spilling ice cream, kicking an old woman. Please stop hurting me, the old woman, a veteran of the Korean War. cried. You'll take it and like it, O 'Brien said. As I remember, we didn't win that war, Granny. I mean, I would describe this absolute monster. O 'Brien then said, where's my ice cream? When the ice cream was not brought quickly enough for the, and then I would say the freckled, you know, late night star, he grabbed the cone of a nearby boy in a wheelchair.

59:18Looks like you lose out, Wheelie. I mean, absolute insane. Oh, my God. And I think that's one of the things that's never come out is my joy at I'd like to try to be a good person, but I love imagining myself as the worst person alive. And I would read these things and you would laugh till you were crying and it would make me so happy. It was good. It was good. It makes me angry how nice you are to Paula sometimes. It really does. Makes me angry that she gives of herself at seven o 'clock in the morning to yoga with elderly people instead of she could be on the phone booking Dakota Johnson. How dare I?

1:00:03How dare I donate my time and my karma? And that seven o 'clock time is the only time Dakota Johnson can be booked. That's right. Dakota Johnson said she's available to take our call for booking at 7 a.m. She's the white whale. She's the white whale. Yeah, this is meant to be a cruel staff review, and we just can't do it. Once again, you've made it all about you. Yeah. Well, she's amazing. I mean, I'll make it about Paula at the end. Thanks, you guys. You're great. Everyone loves Paula. Everyone loves Paula. Boring. Sorry. Love you guys. But thank you for getting us all these amazing people. Oh, you're welcome.

1:00:37Thank you for employing me and giving me a great place to work. Wait, you get paid? Not that much. Don't worry about it. But you donate your time for the oldies. Isn't that weird? For the oldies. Well, I'm sorry. They had their fun in the 1940s. Why should they be getting a free ride now? Oh, wait. That's the guy from the fake Us magazine ad. I know. All right, Paula, we love you. Bye. Thank you, bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes.

1:01:16Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

1:01:23Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts And you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.