Andy Daly Returns

23:24And I just thought it was so, and another thing I would do is it's really funny to, I would point at my dog and go, embezzler. And they make this guilty face. Yeah, they do. Like, I know you've been stealing funds. And just the idea of a golden being caught embezzling. And it could take some finesse for a golden, you know, to get into your books and manipulate money. But they could do it. They could do it. I often will get one of my dogs, like we're down on the ground and I'll just get face to face with her and I'll say, come away with me. The others don't understand us. They don't understand what we have.

23:57And you have two dogs. So how does the other dog feel when you say to that dog, come away with me? The others don't understand. Visibly happy to be off the, out of my sights at that moment. Just like, it'll be me next time. I think my dogs understand how comedically needy I am. And so they are, and Goldens are bred to absorb all of your stuff. Yeah. And I think when I leave, they just, a paw goes across their forehead like, phew, off duty. Oh my God. 75 bits this morning. One of our dogs is a Golden Retriever. Yes. Yeah, they're great. They're great. And I don't mind the hair all over the place.

24:33You know, people get all these doodles now that are hypoallergenic. Not me. No. No, I like dogs. It'll make me really sick. I was just thinking this morning, I would like it if when I reach into my drawer to get an article of clothing to put on for the day, if it doesn't at that point have dog hair on it. That's my only. It comes out of the dryer with dog hair? No, but just in the process of folding it and all that. There's hair everywhere. If you come visit me at my house, which will never happen, you open the door and just golden hair comes pouring out onto anyone who comes to see us. Yeah, I don't mind that if I wear it for two seconds, it'll be covered in hair.

25:07But if I can take it out of the drawer, not hairy. No, this is why I primarily buy clothes that are golden. So it doesn't show up. It blends in. Yeah. And our house is painted gold and all gold rugs. Beautiful. It's very Trumpy, but for different reasons. Trump came by and he was like, this is pretty good. And I went, it's for the goldens. He's like, okay, I get it. He drops in all the time. Sounds to me like Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to fight the champ. That's what Trump said to me. I'm going to fight the champ. I got to do what I got to do. I got to do what I got to do.

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26:23And you're saying, what? Yeah. Yep. They have live U.S.-based experts who know exactly which calls to make and which steps to take, handling the hard work of proving you are who you say you are until your identity is fully restored. And if your money is stolen and you need coverage for personal expenses or lost wages due to identity theft, LifeLock has your back because your protection is backed by LifeLock's million-dollar protection package. Join now and save up to 30 % off your first year. Go to LifeLock.com slash Conan. That's LifeLock.com slash Conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

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27:37Yeah. Visit usbank.com slash smartlycard to learn more. The creditor and issuer of this card is U.S. Bank National Association, pursuant to a license from Visa USA, Inc. Some restrictions may apply. Your favorite friend group is back. FX's Adults follows five roommates living in New York, leaning on each other to navigate love, work, friendship, and family. while tackling pressing questions of your 20s like, what if the person who inherited your fake ID is cooler than you ever were? Why does being around your family make you regress into your worst self? And how do you tell your roommates that you have other friends?

28:13FX is adults. All episodes now streaming on Hulu.

28:23I'm curious, because I like the origin stories. you must have been an odd young fellow. And I can relate. You're just a perfectly normal kid. Perfectly normal young man. An amazing athlete. You played, you were quarterback, right? For the Rams for like eight years. You know what, actually, when I was in high school. I want to find out how alike we were when we were little comedy freaks. Go ahead. Okay, well, this is a story I actually told once on the TBS show, and I gave you this piece of information. That's okay, those things have all been destroyed. No, I know, but I gave you this piece of information about myself and your response was to say, what an ass.

29:00And so I'm going to. Clearly didn't stick with you. It did. And I would like to give you an opportunity to just, I'm going to tell it to you again. Okay. And give you an opportunity to have a more supportive and empathetic reaction to it. Okay. I think I can do it. Okay. All right. When I was in high school, I wrote for the student newspaper and because I did write for the student newspaper, I wore a fedora to school with a press card in the hat band. Sure. That's the information. Fuck you. Wait a minute. This is what you do. You project because if you didn't do that very same thing, you're just upset that you didn't think of it.

29:35We established a long time ago that I attack people for my qualities. Most of my attacks on you are things that I am guilty of. And I always find that that's the greatest joke of all. I attack others for things I have done. And now it seems to become a national crape. It's a national craze, trust me. You know, log them up, you're a crook. Wait a minute. But I think it's one of my great joys in life is going after other people for being nerds and freaks when they were kids. Yeah. No, I totally, I remembered, I mean, I've talked about it, but all I wanted when I was a boy was not a baseball bat or a glove or a football.

30:16I wanted office supplies because I wanted to like type things up. and fire off memos. I wanted a stamp that said void and cancel. And I started to gather these things. And I remember all I wanted to do was to have official papers to write up. I wanted a pneumatic tube also. One of those things you put, and it goes shooting off. Yeah, so you're firing off memos to other rooms in the house. So I am just as bad as you. And I was, bullies should get in time machines now and go back and beat the shit out of me. More than I was beaten already. Didn't get it bad enough at the time? Yeah. No, no, I got more than my share.

30:54Yeah. But I still think when I think of these things now, I think, nope, I didn't get enough beating. We need bullies to get into time machines. And instead of going back and stopping World War II from happening or other things, they should just go back and kick the shit out of me. Yes. It wasn't enough just to, you know, throw the hat in a tree. You have to punch me while you're at it. So that happened? Well, I spent a lot of time chasing after that hat. Really? So you wore the hat and you were bullied, I'm guessing. Of course. but I was just looking for scoops. You're supposed to not, when you're reporting - You weren't looking, I'm looking for scoops.

31:25That's what I said. I'm looking for scoops. When you're a reporter, you're supposed to not be the story. And you were kind of like - Yeah, exactly, you're right. So all of your articles that you wrote were reporter assailed. Hats stolen. Like every time you picked up the Andy Daly newspaper. My column was called the Daily Muse in USA. Oh my God, the Muse. I think I've told this once, but once I was walking with my brother, Luke, and, you know, I was kind of smart. And my brother, Luke, is to this day, a thousand times smarter than me. He was just this incredible brain. And I remembered we we got stopped near this area in my neighborhood called The Point where some of the tough kids hung out.

32:08And we got stopped by some kids and they were sort of shoving us and saying, you guys are, you know, back then everyone was queer. You know, we call you queer. Like, hey, pushing you and saying that. and the insult back then was you're mental. Do you remember? It was a Boston thing, but mental meant, you know, you're mental just means they're all screwed up. Hey kid, what are you, mental? And they pushed my brother Luke and said, what are you, mental? And he said, hmm, well, mental is Latin for of the mind, so I thank you. The fists flew fast and hard. I remember it was just, And my heart sinking when Luke had this supercilious look on his face.

32:50Well, Latin is, mental in Latin is of the mind, my good sir. So I thank you. And then. When you named an example of a Pyrrhic victory. Yes. There it is. I read about this in your column. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the one scoop you ever had. Fellow nerd beaten after quoting Latin. It was a Pyrrhic victory. It was a Pyrrhic victory. For sure. Yours most sincerely, The Daily Muse. You goon. I love that. No, no. I am you and you am I, as Popeye would say in an alternate universe. I have a question for you. Because I was thinking about, somebody was asking me like the first laugh I ever got out of a crowd.

33:34And I remember very clearly, in fact, I think it might be my first memory, that I was in nursery school. and it was a very special job to get to carry the Dixie cups full of fruit juice from the kitchen to the room where everybody was. Like that was something every day someone got selected to do it. And it was my job to do it that day. And I legitimately dropped, I tripped and dropped this tray full of Dixie cups. And everybody laughed as though I had done it on purpose. And then I played it off like I had done it on purpose because I really enjoyed the laugh. But I wonder if, is that a common experience, do you think for comedians to like, yes, to get a laugh?

34:11Like, yeah, it was not an intentional joke, but I had to, it was so much like I got in a lot of trouble for dumping juice on the floor, but that was better. But you got the pure heroin hit of a laugh and no one forgets their first hit. You know, I mean, I'm in the same way. Do you remember yours? Yeah. My first big laugh was 1998. The show had been on for five years. And I remembered saying to Mr. T, why not Mr. W? That was the big laugh. No, no. I love that my first big laugh. It was our fifth anniversary show. I had never had one laugh. No, I remember very clearly I was at a little school in Brookline, Mass called the Michael Baldwin School.

34:56We just call it the Baldwin School. And it was just K through three i would have been i don't know maybe second grade and my dad had taken me to a revival house and shown me a charlie chaplin um film and uh i think it was maybe modern times or something and i just was just oh my god that guy's funny it was a silent film with the music and i saw it and my dad would knew i was into comedy so he took me and i was so i took a little walking stick to school and out in the schoolyard. I was doing a routine where I was walking with the walking stick and it was a total accident. I crossed one leg. You know the way when you plant a cane, like the planter's peanut guy, you kind of, you know, cross one leg over the other in a saucy way, a jaunty pose, a jaunty pose.

35:44I was doing a little shtick with it. And a bunch of kids were around, uh, in the playground and I was sort of doing it for them. And then I crossed one leg over the other and accidentally hit the cane with my foot and it went, went spinning and kind of planted itself in the grass. And the kids thought it was, it was an accident. But I got the biggest laugh because it looked like I had been up all night practicing a really cool thing. And they were just like, that was awesome. And I had that whole floodgate of. Yeah. Now I'll try to do some of these things on purpose maybe. Yeah, and I realized that I needed to be a prop comedian.

36:24Mm-hmm. And to this day, wherever I go, I have my trustee. I got the Gallagher estate and I bought all his props. There was an auction of Gallagher belongings. Didn't we look over the... Yeah. You could buy one of his hats that had hair attached to it. That's right. I remembered I was watching... I think I was watching Rip Taylor, the comedian Rip Taylor used to do prop comedy and he'd be like, oh! And he was on the Merv Griffin show or something and I was watching him and he just, he had a trunk full of just crap, just junk. And he pulled out what was a mannequin's arm and duct taped to it crudely was just a tennis racket.

37:08And he just pulled it up and held it up and went, tennis elbow! And I remember being a kid watching daytime TV. And I went, that's awful. You can't just, no, you can't just take. What was his show? The like$9 beauty pageant. Do you remember that? I don't remember that. Yeah, it was like a daily show where they would just do a beauty pageant and he was the host and he would crown just. I don't remember anything of his other than thinking, you can't just take two nouns and ductate them together because if you do, it's so nihilistic, you know, you can just get a piece of glass. And I mean, I'm just trying to think of, you can just take anything that has two words to it and tape them together and then announce that's what it is.

37:58And I remember just thinking, if we go down that road, we're dead as a species. And sure enough, Rip Taylor died many years later. He probably would never have described his act as nihilistic, I don't think. He wasn't going for that. I do nihilism. How old? I think we got him to do something on our show once. And yeah, so Frank Smiley got him to do a bit for us. And I just still had PTSD from his tennis elbow routine. Take him away. Get him away from me. I know that you're doing your own podcast and have for quite a long time. Me and Matt Gorley. Is that how you guys got to know each other? Did you know each other before that?

38:40We knew each other first from my podcast, Super Ego, which he guested on. Which is, by the way, so many times I'm with you and fans come out of the woodwork, bypass me, and they know Super Ego with this guy. And I'm like, what the hell is going on? What am I, chopped liver? Yeah. Yeah. You may be. You may be. That's why I don't walk with Matt Gourley anymore. Super Ego is just an hour-long podcast of we talking about how you're chopped liver. I love that. Playing out the case. but no that's so you guys work together and I mean do you have any insights into what makes this man tick because Andy Daly fascinates me it's I've just never not seen him be funny and he's just and it's kind of it seems effortless the check is going to come do on these compliments I know that God already has oh you've let us down many times already I'm looking for scoops looking for scoops he's he's my friend so I don't even have to say this we're already friends but I find him to be don't say the funniest Don't say the funniest.

39:40Don't say it. You're hanging by a friend.

39:45Along with David Hopping. Oh! One of the funniest people. No, along with yourself. Truly one of the funniest people I have ever known. If you put me in the same category with this guy, I'm very happy. And that's the last compliment today. Now I go after you again. I think you're really pale. You know what else he is? What? Generous. He's so funny. I know. Don't, don't, don't. What do you mean he's generous? He's just a generous comic partner. He always gives you room and - Shut up. This is why I had such a hard time coming on this podcast. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. And that's why I'm making this point.

40:23Shut up. He knows how to do it. Shut up. He understands. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. If you get one laugh, I will die. That's always been my comedy philosophy. If I'm on stage with anyone and they get the slightest laugh, I will immediately die. Of course. But imagine the emotional nosebleed I felt coming from Andy to working with Andy Daly to you. Shut up, shut up, shut up. I've been doing this with Andy Richter once, but I said, I've come up with a good comedy character. Let's do it. And my guy just said, shut up. So instead of yes, Andy, he'd say like, oh, this is a nice cookie shop.

40:57We got, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Fuck you, shut up. And scene. It would work. in an improv scene, it would work. These days. It's nihilistic.

41:12We've talked about this before, but your comedy rants, your monologues where you tell stories as characters, I've listened to those and I don't want to repeat things too much from the last podcast, but you inhabiting the body of a guy who's like a leprechaun and these stories go on for about 25 minutes and there's always so much intelligence behind them. There's the up with people kind of guy who's, you clearly quickly realize that his whole family's been like murdered and sexually assaulted and he has to show up now and he's late because everyone was being, he just got away with his life. All his family is gone and he has to be an up with people guy.

41:51There's a character he does called Don DeMillo that when we're doing something together and he goes into Don DeMillo, Andy goes away and the posture comes in and his eyes go out and his voice comes in. You're a little Don DeLillo? Theatrical director Don DeMello. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Wonderful to be here. I direct the Rockettes in the Radio City Music Hall, Christmas Spectacular.

42:19That's just for daddy.

42:24Is that your big claim to fame, the Rockettes? That's his whole thing. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't mess around with the pageant, the live nativity scene in the baby. I focus on the rackets. The beautiful girls with the legs all exactly the same heights. Because that's weird. It's a little strange that there's this holdover from the Ziegfeld Follies in the middle of the children's Christmas show. Yes, yes, yes. It's odd. Oh, I took, we took our daughter when she was little to that show. And it is really funny. It's like, you know, ho, ho, ho, ho. And there's Santa and there's elves and everyone's having a good time.

43:02And then bring out the girls. bring out the girls kick girls kick kick kick you gotta give these kids their money's worth yeah we have a rotating cast of 300 girls all the same height that creeps me out like you literally you have to yeah yeah yeah it's very specific yeah weird we should tour where you do that character and I do my shut up guy let's all right Let's try it right now. Shut up. Shut up. Yes. Hello, Conan. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I just wanted to ask you. I think it works. This reviewer walked out after one minute. The brilliant Andy Daly did his best. But Conan's shut up guy.

43:54Who was 10 times louder in the speakers. Yeah. Yeah. For reasons we did. We've soon found out that Andy Daly's mic had been cut on O 'Brien's orders. All right. Ask me some questions. Come on. I'd like to hear about penis beach, please. Penis beach? What? Didn't you write the famous penis beach sketch? Oh, nude beach. It's called. Oh, I thought it was called penis beach. Let's not be crass. All right. All right. It's a sketch that I worked on with, I think, well, Robert Smigel. It started with Robert Smigel's idea. Okay. I believe. Matthew Broderick was the host. Well, we had it kicking around for a while because we couldn't get anyone to do it.

44:30and there was a big controversy because the whole concept of the sketch was a guy's really nervous. It's his first day at a nude beach and his friends telling him, you know, get over it. It's not a big deal. And everyone has strategically covered genitalia. And was this because they were just then allowed to say penis on national television? I remember - Well, it wasn't clear you could yet. Oh, okay. It's how I remember it. No, we used to do it. We did it in Chicago at the, it was at the Victory Gardens Theater in Chicago, summer of 1988. We did a show there called Happy Happy Good Show. And this sketch did really well.

45:05I would, I think there's a guy who's on stage and he's just holding a beach ball in front of his dick. But other than that, we were all naked. And he's nervous. It's his first day at a nude beach. And I think Robert Smigel is counseling him and saying, you know, don't worry about it. It's just the most natural thing in the world. You'll even forget you're naked because we just hang out and we talk. and then I think I walk in and say, and I have a guitar, strategically placed. And I walk in and say, hey, Bill. And he goes, hey, this is my friend, Steve. And I go, hey, Steve. And I go, hey, penis looking good.

45:40And then he goes, oh, thanks a lot. And your penis is looking pretty good too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm using a new cream, you know, whatever. And then other people walk in and all we talk about is penises. I believe there were over 30 repetitions of the word. Oh, 30 is conservative. that's in the first minute. And then it gets down to, hey, what do you do with your penis? Well, I found a really good regimen for my penises to, you know, and it's all we talk about, but as if we're just talking about the weather. And then I think my big contribution was it should end with, hey, let's sing a song and it's all about penises.

46:11And it's just the word penis, penis, penis. And we did this sketch and it did really well in Chicago. Then we took the show to LA. It did well in LA. And then we took it to SNL and immediately we're in a room with NBC brass and they're saying, you can't do this. And it took a while, but then I think Matthew Broderick came on the show and we had - He insisted on it. We, yeah, we - He took a stand. We fought for it and we got it. We got it done. Uh-huh, but isn't it one of the only sketches that was edited out for the rerun? Like it doesn't - I didn't know that. Oh, okay. That's something I heard.

46:45Not for the tape delay in the West Coast, but for the second airing. Yeah, right. Possible. Because of complaints. Yeah, there were a lot of complaints. I remember when that aired. Yeah. We talked about that in my family. We loved it. It was a big thing because, you know, later on people would say, you know, because we would, our defense was it's part of the body. And we're not saying anything gross about the penis. We're just mentioning penises. Right. And so, but yeah, we were, I mean, I like to think we were like Rosa Parks. Oh, you do? Can we edit that out? Just take that little piece out.

47:20We took a really brave stance. Canceled, canceled. But also, I am under orders, Conan, to ask you about the Taylor Swift wedding. I'm sorry. I don't want to. I take no pleasure in this. You know, I haven't talked about it. You have not? My wife and I did go to that wedding. You did? Yeah. So my daughter, she's 19, and she's heard some rumors about the wedding. Can I run these by you? Okay. See if they're true or not? And I've been very discreet because I respect their privacy, and I do. I'm not laughing at that. I'm just laughing at the thought of them having privacy. Doing a wedding at Madison Square Garden.

47:57I know other people have talked, but I will answer your questions if I can. Okay. All right. I have heard that some guests were required to arrive at the wedding five hours before the wedding began. That is one rumor I heard. I don't think that's true. And I have heard that there were - I showed up five hours early. To a warmup out. And no one was there. No one was there. And then someone said, can you just start unfolding these seats? And I said, sure thing. So, and I, I helped with floral arrangements. I got there very, very early. You did? They asked you to? I think that's the reason I got invited, was they know that I'm a good worker.

48:36You were willing to help out. And my invitation did say, could you show up early and bring work clothes? The dress code is janitor coveralls. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, well, I guess so. And then I was like, why is they including a mop in the dress code? But they did. Bring your own mop? Yeah. Basically, her rumors all kind of have to do with like, there was a tier of guests who had to get there early, did not have chairs, and had to spend all this time without their phones, like five hours waiting for the way to be given up. And people gave up their phones, which was, I think, a good idea. I mean, first of all, I will say this for me anyway.

49:10I would like my phone confiscated all the time. I am so much happier when I don't have my phone. You know, when I'm with my wife, she always has her phone. So if there's, God forbid, someone really needs to get in touch with us or something happens or our kids need to talk to us. Yeah, she has her phone. But I think it's now a great luxury not to have a phone. I agree. And I think they should be taken away from all of us. But, yeah, I don't. None of that sounds familiar to me. Other than the phones, none of that sounds familiar to me. Everyone had a seat. What? Why is these such boring questions?

49:44No, they're not boring because they get, they imagine a dystopian wedding. No, no, there's a ceremony where everyone is seated and some were punished. I mean, I was dressed as a custodian and did not have a seat. Right, okay. And I was the only person. That gets to the heart of the things that she's heard and is concerned about. Yeah, I didn't. No, there's the part where you sit and you watch this wonderful, beautiful wedding occur, the ceremony. And Adam Sandler was brilliant and really sweet and perfection. And I keep bothering him because we're friends. I keep telling him how it's one of the finest things I've seen a person do.

50:20He just hit the tone. He was funny. He was sweet. It was perfection. They were lovely. I just was very heartwarming. The whole thing was just absolutely beautiful. And people have said this, but I'll just double down. It was really sweet and real. And then there's like a reception where there's places to sit, but you didn't want to sit. You know, mostly people are standing and talking and there's music. I heard it was conducted like musical chairs and that a chair was taken away every 10 minutes. And then if you couldn't find a seat, you had to leave. That is true. Okay. All right. That is true.

50:52They, um, and the weird thing is the person taking the chairs away was Taylor. Uh-huh. Which I thought, I mean, it's just that she was busy taking chairs away. Like her whole night. And it was, I guess, a prank that Travis talked her into. Mm-hmm. Um, and, uh, no, everything you're saying is, uh, insanity. I don't know. Is your, is your, is your, is there any, is there any chance that your daughter's died reading the daily, the daily muse? Cause I feel like you're looking for scoops, Conan. Your scoops are so crazy. Yes. It's been well documented that McCartney played and Stevie Nicks and it was just fantastic.

51:32And my favorite thing is McCartney's playing a, song yeah he's playing i want to hold your hand and a guy just then went hey conor i just want to talk to you so on your podcast are you fucking kidding me and i like missed a chunk of it because you know i'm not i want to be my god yeah yeah but didn't he also stop every once in a while and then everybody had to sit down that's true there's always but call mccartney was playing what the musical chairs music he was providing the musical chairs oh yes yes i was sure you're And so she would give him a high sign and he would stop. And then everybody had to sit down.

52:06He would play an iconic Beatles song that he's never played live before. And then he would stop. Taylor herself would rush over, remove all these chairs. And then Paul would, and she'd say, go, Paul. And he would start to play again. Wheels on the bus. And then I remember I saw Lorne Michaels fall because he thought he had a chair and he didn't. A lot of people were going down. A lot of people got very badly hurt and they were helicoptered out, which has not been in the press, which is weird. Well, it was a blindfolded musical chair. No, no, that was the fun part. I guess. Yeah, I didn't get what that was for, but it was so that we would sit.

52:38So yeah, a lot of people got hurt. I thought it was a weird use of McCartney to make him sing Beatles classics. He's doing like side two of Abbey Road, right? He's stopping every - He did. He sang for hours and hours and hours and everyone, the chairs kept getting taken away, again, by Taylor herself, who at this point is drenched in sweat. And then people just start sitting down and breaking their hips. Everyone broke their hips that night. My wife broke her hip. I broke the left side of my hip and then I broke it the right side later on when I got drunk with my dog and because you know you got to talk it down with someone sure and yeah it was that was a crazy night is this the kind of well you know you go ahead I was going to say who won musical chairs great question it's a great question it was Bradley Cooper Bradley Cooper won and then he was such a dick about it yeah he anticipated he was going to win because I guess he's very good at musical chairs so he had these t-shirts made that said I won fuckers Wow.

53:31And he had a t-shirt cannon. He was firing them, but not into a crowd. He was walking up to people's faces and point blank. Firing point blank. T-shirt cannon? Yeah. And so I saw him shoot, I think Dua Lipa right in the face with a t-shirt cannon. She went right down. She'd already broken her hip. I mean, it was, and then - This is chaos. Yeah. And at one point they opened, I didn't know they could open the roof of Madison Square Garden, but they opened it up and it just, it was all helicopters, hella vacing people out. Half of them hurt with, because of the musical chairs. And then half of them shot in the face at point blank range by Bradley Cooper because he had won the musical chairs with t-shirts he had made beforehand in anticipation of his victory.

54:12So my point to you is that I can't believe none of this got out. My daughter has some inklings about it. Yeah. And I saw you. It's funny. At one point, I did want to get some treatment for something else unrelated to these other accidents. I just had some bad shellfish. So I was being hell of active. out and I looked down and I saw what I thought was you wearing a press hat and you were on 33rd, you were on 33rd street and you had a photographer with a flash bulb in his hand. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, and, but I kept waving to you cause I thought this was finally a big scoop and you wouldn't look up cause I guess you have neck issues.

54:48You can't look up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't, it's just fine. I just can't report anything that's above like eye level. And that's fine. All your scoops were about, well, I'm still looking right at eye level and I see nothing of concern here when most every celebrity in the world is being hellevacked out with a dangerous injury right right above you. Well, that's for someone else to cover, I guess. I'm just like, whatever. The Daily News is not going to cover anything that happens that I have to crane my neck up or down. You can only see you have no peripheral vision and you can only see straight ahead.

55:23This is hurt your reporting. I agree, but there's nothing can be done about it. Many times you'll be out and something amazing will happen and someone will say, oh my God, look at that. And you'll say, only if I could. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, you know, I think I've given the most accurate reporting of what happened at that wedding. Is this the kind of wedding you bring a gift to? Because, I mean, you don't have to say. I brought a rice cooker. And you know what? It was used. It was one I had in college. Oh, it was. They don't make these anymore. And I'm not even sure it's meant to cook rice. There's a good chance that it's something that you heat infected scalp with.

56:03Infected scalp? Infected scalp? Yeah. You know, you get those boils on your head the way I do sometimes. Oh, so you put it on your head. Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought that was a right. I was envisioning a scalp that was not attached to a head. Yeah, me too. But had somehow become infected. Mine's still attached. Okay, good. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good question. gifts gifts you're not gifts i i didn't do a gift but i should have i think you have a year after the wedding is that the etiquette right but they didn't have like a little clause in their invitation that's like please no gifts we're mega billionaires here they were still first of all that's just rude you're assuming she has a lot of money and you're assuming he has a lot of money that's not cool i don't think that's rude no i you're first of all that's just oh everyone in entertainment is just super wealthy i think they're barely getting by you know what i mean And for you to assume that because she sells out tours all over the world and has been one of the, probably the biggest star in pop culture for the last 15 years that she has money, that's a terrible assumption.

57:04I guess you're right. And you know what it is? It's very, it's narrow-minded of you. And I think, and offensive. I'd like to apologize to them because I think you're right. And that, wait, I'm sorry, you're an asshole. There you go. For a minute there, I thought we're losing him. We're losing the patient. Shane for a second. He's back. He's back and all systems go. Okay. If you ever faint, instead of smelling salts, they're going to grab me and put my head right next to yours. And you're just going to be completely out of it. And then you're going to go, you're an asshole. And then you'll be, you'll have the same heart rate as an Olympic athlete.

57:40Do you want to apologize for anything? No. No. No. I can't think of anything I should apologize for. You came here today? Yes. You offered. Nobody was asked to. Yes, you were asked by our bookers. Yeah, okay. And then I did try to stop you. Oh, okay. I didn't know that part. This is my favorite kind of podcast of all because it's all just foolishness. What do you mean? Falderol and fluff. And it makes me really happy. I don't think that's clear. It makes me so happy. This is the most substantive interview I've ever had in my life. I know. I don't know what you're talking about. You thought this was like 60 minutes.

58:16This was a real grilling. This guy's really drilling into me. I want to mention again, you're the host of the Andy Daly Podcast Project. Oh yeah, on Patreon. And how come you've never had me on that? What's the problem? You have been on it. No, I know, but - Bananas for Bonanza, that's part of it. Oh yes, yes, I did do that, but you could have me back. Absolutely. That's all I'm saying, and I'll tell you something else. I don't remember getting a check. Oh really? Yeah. That's probably true. That's probably true. Yeah. Yeah. I like when a guy just says, yeah, that's probably true. That's probably true.

58:45Hey, wait a minute. You never paid me for that. I catered your party. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I'm assuming you're Taylor Swift wealthy. Again, that's just rude. Yeah, I guess it is. You know. It's rude. All right, I'll send you a check and I'll invite you back. And this time I'll pay you before you even cut. Also, the scoops I just gave you on the T-Swift wedding. They're huge. Wait till you see the Daily Mail get a hold of this. Oh, there's the Daily Mail? Yeah. I mean, the British tabloids love this stuff and everything I just revealed is huge. We should monetize that. How so? I'm not sure.

59:18Well, I'm not good at these things. Well, I'm suing the Daily Mail for their name. Yeah. They should not. I forgot. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're going to win. I think you're going to win. I am going to win. I'm going to win that lawsuit. Yeah. I mean, say it, the Daily Mail, Andy Daly. It's the same word. And your mail. You know what? Yeah. Well, you don't even, mail adjacent, you don't even need a lawyer. No, I don't have one. You can just get up in front of a judge and say that. Yeah. How are you going to dress as a lawyer if you, as when you're a reporter, you wear a hat, what are you going to wear?

59:50Are you going to wear an English wig? A barrister's wig? Well, the Daily Mail is a UK-based newspaper. Yeah, you're going to have to go to England. Yeah, I have to. I got to show up in one of those wigs and a robe. But still put a little press thing in there. Yeah, yeah. Wear a barrister's wig with a little press card and go, I'm here for justice and possibly a scoop. I do it all. But in your terrible British accent. I'm here for justice and possibly a scoop. And possibly a scoop. And possibly a scoop. It could go either way or either way.

1:00:20True or false, in the second grade, the first CD you ever bought was Rod Stewart's Do You Think I'm Sexy? That is true. It was not a CD, though. It was a vinyl record. You bought the record? Of course. Why would a kid in second grade buy Do You Think I'm Sexy? Well, I had to choose. I was at the Sam Goody. He wanted to know the answer to the question. He just played it for girls individually in his press hat. To get different. I just love him inviting a girl in. Sit down. Sit down, Abby. And she'd sit down and you'd be wearing your press hat with your card and you'd put it on. If you think I'm funny and you think I'm sexy.

1:01:00And you're just looking at her and then you take the needle off the record and you go, and? No. Answer the question. Answer the question. No. Next. Next. And there's a line of 900 girls. I was trying to choose between Alice Cooper's record because he had been on The Muppet Show. and I liked his record. Yeah. And Rod Stewart's record and I chose Rod Stewart because that song, Do You Think I'm Sexy? was the big hit at the time. Sure. And I assumed the whole album was going to be that great. It really was not. But I did bring it into my second grade classroom. Probably the reason I remember it's the first album I ever bought is that we were allowed to bring in our favorite music to play for the class and I brought that record in.

1:01:39And how did that go over? It has a rather provocative album. Wow. Yeah, did they let you? Did they let you play it? Yep, they let me play the big hit song. And then you did the penis sketch for the whole class. And then drop the tray of juice. Yeah. And then cut to exterior of school. A child is thrown out the window. A second later, his hat is tossed out after him. You are a force for good in the universe. Thank you. Andy B. Daly. Close. I just love to give you a nickname, a middle initial. I have no idea what it is. What is your middle name? It's the letter J. The consummate ass. God bless you.

1:02:15Please come back very soon. I will. I'd love to. And shut up, shut up, shut up. Okay. My new improv guide is sweeping the nation.

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1:03:08And you're saying, what? Yeah. Yep. They have live US-based experts who know exactly which calls to make and which steps to take, handling the hard work of proving you are who you say you are until your identity is fully restored. And if your money is stolen and you need coverage for personal expenses or lost wages due to identity theft, LifeLock has your back because your protection is backed by LifeLock's million-dollar protection package. Join now and save up to 30 % off your first year. Go to LifeLock.com slash Conan. That's LifeLock.com slash Conan to save 30%. Terms apply. Your favorite friend group is back.

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1:05:33We have some important topics to discuss, and it involves a show called Big City Greens. Yeah, baby. And I don't know much about this show, but Blay, why don't you take it away and lead us into it? Big City Greens, a couple of my friends, Chris and Shane Houghton, have a great show on Disney Plus. And they asked us, Matt and Sona and myself, to do voices on this animated show. And we did. And it was great. Do you realize you punch certain words there? Completely unnecessarily. What do you mean? They asked us to do voices. He's a voiceover artist. Thank you. I am emphasizing certain words because it adds to the drama.

1:06:15Yeah. All right. You did it. Incredible. That was pretty good. This is an audio medium, by the way. It is. Sure. Yeah. Sure. We have microphones. What are you talking about? No, no. It's okay. I just want people to continue listening. Oh, my God. Do you want to say what you said right before we started about my voice? I just said it's better when I, because you suggested maybe you start off the segment. And I said, I don't think that's a good idea because people listening will think it's an amber alert. Yes. It's very funny, yes. And you'll start looking for that Toyota Camry with a certain license plate on the highway.

1:06:48See if little Billy's okay. But, so, so, Blaise, this is exciting. Happy for your friends. They have this show, and I guess it's a big deal. Big City Greens. I love Big City Greens. My daughter and I love this show. I love this show. I think there's room for us all to love it. It is. No, I mean, it's like one of those kids' shows. I don't even know if it's a kid's show technically, but it's like very funny. And I think adults and kids can enjoy it. When my kids were little, there were shows that I watched with them that I loathed because, you know, they were really little and they wanted to see, oh, I don't know, Dora the Explorer or Caillou.

1:07:28No shade to Dora or Caillou. Yeah, no shade. No shade. Well, I just think they should tell us what disease does Caillou have. Okay. That's right. You got to come forward. Why are you putting Dora and Caillou? Dora, I just, I thought it was creepy. They would do that thing where they'd go like, what should we do to find our way? And then Dora would kind of look around and look out at the screen. And this was the chance for the kids to go map. And she'd say, that's right, map. I was driven mad by this. So I used to shout out the wrong thing. Like what? Okay, what should we do? Yeah, Dora would say, how do we find our way?

1:08:01And Dora would want me to say map. And her eyes would dart and look out of the TV at me. and I would say, you know, spatula. Oh. And she'd go, that's right, map. And I enjoyed it because it made it seem like she had lost her mind. So no, I wasn't having that. Caillou, I swear to God, needs help. Caillou needs help. But then my kids got a little older and they started watching these two shows that were just brilliantly funny. Teen Titans Go and Gumball. Yeah. And these shows were fantastic. And I thought these shows are funnier than most of the edgy comedy that served up to me. Big City Greens is like that.

1:08:45Big City Greens is like that. Well, great. I'm going to check it out. Yeah. So is Word Girl on PBS. What's Word Girl about? And I was like, why is this so funny? And it's really short, but it's like Ellie Kemper's in it. Hermes Sedaris is in it. Oh, great. It's like a lot of high pedigree people. It's awesome. It's on PBS. We also have, they sent a picture of Matt and Sona's characters. Oh, cool. If you want to take a look here. We're big produce. That's our, that's our. They're the enemy. We play the villains. Oh my God. That is so cool. That's great. You have a, Matt has a t-shirt cannon. I'm lavender.

1:09:22And I'm, I just have a dick look on my face. I'm glad you finished that. They spent hours. You know what they did? They spent hours studying Sona. to get it just right. We're mass produce. We're the bad guys because the whole thing is about a small farm in the middle of the city. Right. And they are at the Farmies from what I remember, which is like the Oscars for farms. No spoilers. And Blay, where's your character? Okay. I'm not going to say who won. I play Farmer Zachariah. I'm in the middle. But they didn't give me any lines. I think I'm also that guy on the left. Wait, did you grind? This whole thing by touting your vocal skills and how it's an audio medium.

1:10:03And your friends, your friends wrote a part for you where you don't speak. What does that tell you? What does that tell you? Maybe they're listening to the podcast and realizing that's the sixth time he broke my Bose speakers. They just had me grunt. Just do a bunch of grunts. Do one. I was like, but also I will say to your point, Conan, they had me, this is not a joke. They probably had me do 12 or 13 takes of grunts. So I guess I'm just terrible. No. too i'm pretty bad too they had me do a lot of takes but how many grunts did how many times do i have to do grunts man i mean you could just just do a grunt i mean you do a good grunt see that's that's there cut print okay well they're gonna take that from this and put it in the show you grunt blaze you know you grunt you grunt bitch oh that's it that's a good one that's a good grunt okay um terrible uh i'm sorry i called you a bitch i love when i do improv like you're supposed You must be super supportive of everyone around you.

1:11:01And I'm like, no. Bad choices. Okay. Look at us. Because I'm in Toy Story 5. We're all getting. You had to. I knew you were going to mention that in a second. No, no. I'm going somewhere with this. The point I'm making is that we are all getting voiceover work. And it's because of this podcast. People are hearing our mellifluous tones. And they're like, give me some of that. I want that in my movie or in my TV show. That's all I'm saying. You know what I want to do? What? ASMR audiobooks. Audiobooks? After dark erotic fiction. Oh. The lady was ready. Oh my God, you'd be so bad at it. The lady was - It would be like PG.

1:11:41It'd be so boring. Wait, was the most erotic line you could think of, the lady was ready? The lady - Wait, that's how my wife says it. The lady was ready. The shoe salesman approached. What are you looking for? I'm thinking of something that's comfortable, but I could potentially wear it to an outdoor garden party. It was precisely 4 p.m. and the lady was ready. The lady was ready. Somewhere out, somewhere, somewhere out there, there's one person going, yeah, that's my jam. Would you put a lot of like crunching noises and stuff in it? Isn't the idea to have different tones? I guess that's kind of, you might be thinking a little bit more of mukbang.

1:12:21No, I wasn't because I've never heard that before. Blake, for God's sake, you explain what mukbang. You did a mukbang in the Korean episode of Conan Without Borders. It's where you eat. I don't know what mukbang is, so how could I have done something that I've never heard of before? People eating on mic. It's disgusting. Oh. It's awful. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was called mukbang. Yeah, didn't we go to a mukbang? Didn't we go? Wait, is that a different thing? Did we go to a mukbang? Yeah. Can you? It's an orgy in a swamp. Yeah. Where the ladies are ready. You're a fool. Which one are you talking to?

1:12:58So, Blay, when and where can people see this Big City Greens episode starring Matt Gourley, Sonam Obsessian, and a silent Karen Blair? It's out right now on Disney+. Great. Check it out. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao Theme song by The White Stripes Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

1:13:34Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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