Atsuko Okatsuka

24:17But you have this special on Hulu called Father, which is delightful and amazing. And it is up for Emmy consideration, which it should be. You talk a lot about your childhood. And there are people that say, comedians that say, well, I had a really strange childhood. And then you hear about it and you go, yeah, kind of. Your story is crazily unique and sounds perilous, but you talk so well about it and you're so funny about it that sometimes the reality of it can get a little obscured. And so if you don't mind just talking about that a little bit because you're born in, is it Taiwan? You're born in Taiwan, but you end up kind of growing up in Japan in your early years, right?

25:02And there's a lot of stuff going on in your family. Right. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm half Taiwanese. I was born in Taiwan. Day one already, so my dad is Japanese. He stayed in Japan for my birth. Day one, the first face I see coming out of my mom, and I don't remember this, obviously, people who are like, oh, I know, my memory starts from day zero. Yeah, yeah. I feel like. Well, they're just lying. It's true. Or maybe they're like, I did ayahuasca. You know how they're like, and my past self was two cats, you know, like I haven't had the, what is it? The pleasure of having that kind of. I put some in your cake.

25:47You will have that image very soon. I'm feeling dizzy. Oh, day one. Oh, we're still on day one. Sorry. So my uncle is actually, my uncle's face is the first thing I see because he's helping my mom get me out of her. Because he's not a doctor, but he was studying to be an OBGYN. my family loves a discount and so I think because I was like what? why didn't we have like a real doctor you know and so I think that's why they flew to Taiwan they loved that there was going to be a deal and that it was you were at a mall relative it's not like getting your ears fierce let's go to the let's go to the birth kiosk and then we'll grab an orange Julius afterwards I'm just outside of Eclairs it was a hospital But yeah, so day one, that's already happening.

26:40And I find out later my dad wasn't there because I guess the relationship was already rocky. That's, you know, pretty early on, me as a baby. And so three months after that, we all moved to Japan to reunite with my dad. Yeah, and so my mom, you know, so my mom suffers from schizophrenia. and my grandma was heavily involved in orchestrating, you know, my mom and dad meeting because she was like, it's going to be hard to marry this daughter off, you know, in Taiwan. Maybe we go somewhere kind of far. Maybe we go to Japan where, you know, my daughter doesn't really speak the language. And so... Wait, your grandmother's trying to hide your mom's schizophrenia or mental issues?

27:32There's mental issues. I think they didn't really know what was wrong with her, you know. Right. But she's thinking I she'll have a better chance of marrying if we go to a country where people don't understand her. It's kind of like my inkling because I've said to grandma, you know, like you there's Taiwan's a small country. But, you know, there's still there like I think here's the thing at the time. Right. A woman in her 30s, single, never had a boyfriend. They're like, what's wrong with her already, too? And so, you know, I think there were multiple things going on. Let's just let's just try a different place.

28:07Let's just try a different country. And, you know, she has a hard time making friends. Something is off about her, you know, so I think it was a lot of that. And then so my grandma took the reins and saw in the newspaper they were doing a speed dating event in Tokyo. So I signed my mom up and went there, you know. And there was a language barrier, but I think, I like to think that, you know, when there is, though, all your secrets can't be revealed, you know. So, I mean, your grandmother just sounds like a mastermind. She's a criminal. Yeah, she's a criminal. My grandma, don't get me wrong, she's a criminal.

28:43She also then took me to America. That's right. You live in Japan for how many years? I lived there for eight years. For eight years. And then your grandmother said, and I'm going to tell your story for you. Yes, please. I think more men have to do this for women. Right. Okay. No, I want to. You should do a one man. Your next one woman show, I should come out at the top and just start telling your whole story. I think people would love that. Yeah, no. And then you come out and have me beaten. You're helping me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here to mansplain what Asuka went through. Um, but your, your grandmother says to you, we're going to take a trip and she takes you here to Los Angeles.

29:21Right. Yeah. And then you realize over time, she kidnapped me more or less. Is that true? Yes. Yeah. She said it was a two month vacation to Los Angeles. And again, uh, she's a liar. Uh, and right. So we're in Japan and then suddenly, and before, you know, I'm living with my mom and grandma in Japan too. I was living with my dad. He full on had full custody of me. And then slowly, you know, was like, Hey, what if we spend more time with her? You know, Oh, we got an apartment down the street from your place, you know? And so my dad was like, sure. You know, he's, he was already raising two other kids of his own from the previous marriage.

30:00So, um, and then my mom's mental health declined, uh, pretty bad. She was very suicidal in Japan. And so I think, you know, my grandma was like, okay, we changed locations again, which, you know, at this point, I'm like, sweetie, it's not the location, you know, right? But I get it. Like as a single mom for so long, my grandma was, and then she was also now helping to raise me. I think she was just trying to get ahead before the next disaster. So she contacted my uncle, her son, her other son, who lived in Los Angeles already. Hey, do you have any space for us? I think we're going to try living there.

30:41He's like, we have a garage. She said, that'll do. And so, yeah, we came here. But she only told me it was going to be a two-month vacation. But you end up living for a while in a really small space. Right, right. With your grandmother. And my mother. And your mother, who has this very serious mental illness. And that is such an intense experience, but probably contributed to your abilities in comedy in some way. Don't you think? I think so, for sure. Yeah. And a lot of it comes from, it's not like the sadness of it. It's really, for me, you know, like our need to make other people laugh. I'm also a people pleaser.

31:22You know, being quick enough to be like, without anyone noticing that, like, what I just did, ha ha ha ha, ta-da, is like mass the fact that maybe this person was feeling insecure over here. You know, my mom, all my life, I've seen her, right, suffer right now. You know, even as we speak, I know where she is, you know, in her bed, you know, like unable to move that much. She has seizures too now. And so she doesn't have any friends, you know, and I get to like tour and see the world. I get to hang out with icons, legends, heroes of mine. You just said that because you don't know our names. I'm here with icons.

32:05That's what I say to the Uber driver when I forget his name. You're an icon. Icon Matthew, was it? People call me Matthew, sure. No, and so, you know, and so it's this, that's, that's like my, my want to make her feel not so bummed out. And so like, um, could you reach her all the time by being funny or outrageous? Is that the way you could connect with your mom if she was even in a debilitated state growing up? Yeah. Yeah. I was honestly afraid of her most of my life. So I didn't know how to make her laugh, but I knew how to make my uncle and aunt laugh. Yeah, yeah. Because the family is so intense.

32:49You know, we grew up, so they lived in the front house. But there was like, at least in the garage, there was no music in our house. There was no, my mom and grandma didn't watch anything. You know, my uncle finally installed a TV for us back there. And so I would watch like Chelsea Lately. And then that's when I started like even learning what stand-up was. But when we would have dinners together as a whole family, we would just eat in silence. Like, you know, we just witnessed a funeral. But nobody would talk, just silent. Eventually, I think out of survival, out of making it easier for me, I started trying to make little jokes.

33:27I remember one time we had another one of these silent dinners. Literally, all you can hear is just things being cut on the plate. One time, my aunt asked for salt. We all jumped because someone talked. We were like, oh! Don't ever do that again. You know how I was jumpy when Maddie came in with the tea? I think it's because of that. It was always silent. It's like, oh, my God. You know, what happened? And it was just, she's like, salt. I just said salt. You all had to retreat to different corners of the garage. Yeah, totally. To think about what just happened. We're being attacked, you know. And she just wanted a little more seasoning.

34:09But so then, you know, we would sit in silence. And then one time I remember we finished eating and I just said, well, that was really fun. We should do it again. And then my uncle cracked the smile. That's good. Okay. I couldn't get it out of my mom. Right. Yeah. Long stories. Yeah. Sorry. No, but I mean, that's, we're not going to have any of that. No, no. There'll be no apologizing here for telling a really great story. I think because I'm like, oh, you know, maybe I don't know how much you already know or not. No, but I'm just fascinated by your story. And I love talking to really funny people and hearing how they made their way.

34:47That's one of my favorite things. Or not just funny people, but a bunch of people we've had on the show, whether they're in music or acting or whatever, writers. I just love figuring out how people sort of like salmon swimming upstream. They have like a little idea that they're supposed to do something and they develop it. And then you can put any obstacles in front of them. They usually figure out a way to get there. And I don't know if you had a lot of role models growing up, you know, where you could see someone and say, if they can do it, I can do it. Were there standups that really you gravitated towards?

35:22For sure. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's it was hard, though, because I never saw. So I was starting to see standups on like the Chelsea Lately show, for example. Yeah. And one of the first standup specials I saw was Margaret Cho's through someone at church. I used to go to church. That's how they get immigrants. They go, do you want friends? Hey, welcome to the country. You want friends, right? We're like, yes. We speak your language. Oh, that's cool. We have free food. I like that. Yeah. And then boom. Suddenly, you know, I'm at Jesus' camp. So there I am. Go, Jesus. Go, Lord. That's how they get you.

35:57Go, God. You know? Yeah. I'm the cheerleader for God. I'm in the choir. I'm an alto. I'm an alto. My uncle is the choir director. Anyway. Sing a cantata. Well, clearly this was a huge inspiration to you, this religious conversion, the way you talk about it. I mean, it really came in my life so quick. I mean, I'm from Taiwan and Japan, like Jesus-less countries, you know? And then suddenly I'm getting baptized willingly. I mean, and then in a choir singing alto because I could never hit the high notes. Alto is very hard, you know? We all know. No. Yes, we do. Oh, we do? Okay. Well, alto is, you have to harmonize.

36:36Oh, boy. No, no, no. So you had Josh Groban the other day? He likes to sing the melody. Sing happy birthday, dear Conan. I'm going happy birthday.

36:48Yeah. Nobody cares. They go, oh, that sounded beautiful. Yeah, because someone was harmonizing, creating an illusion that there's a whole group. Okay, you're very bitter about this. You've had so much success and you've achieved so much and you can't get past this. Well, Conan, when you get kicked out of the choir by your uncle, who is the choir director. Were you kicked out because of your musical abilities or because you were causing trouble? I don't know. You just heard me sing. But we did a cantata, okay? I only got to perform once with the choir. Do you know what a cantata is? I was going to be quiet because I thought everyone else would know.

37:34No, I have no idea. Timothy Chalamet would know. Yeah. But it's like a short opera. Short opera. It's a short opera. It's like 45 minutes long. We did a concerto. That's a short opera? Because I think... That's about all I could handle. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you and Timothy both. I mean, I went to Timothy both. Again. Oh, it turns out. I'm kidding. I love opera. I was there last night at the opera. Which opera? La Boheme. He only lasted... He only lasted... Oh, wow, nice. You had that in your pocket. That was good. Back pocket, La Boheme. Yeah, he left 40 minutes in. I had to. It's a urinary issue.

38:09I love opera, but I can't go more than 40 minutes without relieving my bladder. It's a terrible disease and I'm waiting for a big commercial that I get to do about a medication. You're right, it's ages. If I put it out there. It's ages to even ask you, ask. Thank you. We must respect our elders. We can't, we can't respect them. Wait, how did I get here? Oh, wait, I was. I've had this condition since I was 15. I urinate every 11 minutes. I'm so sorry. You've been doing really good. Are you doing the - Well, I have a, I don't want to tell you, I'm wearing a device right now. It's okay. I've urinated nine times since you've been here.

38:45Let me guess, let me guess. This got dark and thanks a lot, Sona. I did this? Let me guess. The device you're wearing, sponsored? I'm glad you asked, Osko. I'm glad you asked. Depends. I'm glad you asked. With pee on the go. With pee on the go. Developed by NASA. Listen, we're gonna try and make sense out of this and I know I can do this. Right, right. But we left you at Jesus Camp. You're getting kicked out of the choir because no one appreciates the incredible - It was an Easter performance. It was the first one in the church. I love to sing loud. Oh boy. Because he has risen. And I don't know, wouldn't you do that too, I guess?

39:26So I'm not a trained singer. Choir is a voluntary basis thing. Yeah, yeah, they can't be picky. There's no audition. It all is welcome. Well, guess what? That means I'm on there too. With my skills. My uncle, call it nepotism. I got to join, you know, pretty easily. And then after the cantata, I was never asked back. Wow. He said, you love to sing loud, Atsuko. And we could hear you. He wanted you to sing but not be heard. Because I was off a lot. And he said, sometimes you would also sing in English. It was a Taiwanese church we sang in Chinese. And we could hear, because I don't speak Chinese at this point.

40:10A bitch is confused. I was in Japan. I'm in Japan. Now I'm in Los Angeles in a garage. I left Tokyo for this to be undocumented. We were undocumented. You were undocumented. We had no papers. You had no papers. Because we were supposed to be here on vacation. So we just applied for a two-month play visa or whatever that's called. Yeah. Tourist visa. Sure. And then we overstayed it. Boom, what happens? Suddenly we're here illegally. And in Japan, I only spoke Japanese. Suddenly I'm learning Chinese because I'm half Taiwanese too. And now I'm living with my Taiwanese side of the family. I'm confused.

40:46I'm Christian now. And now I'm singing alto. Of course I'm off key. Of course I got to go into English sometimes. I think you put it best when you said a bitch is confused. You know, that was going to be the title of my autobiography. now you've got it it's hard out here for a pimp when you're trying to make money for the rent

41:10so when I first saw Margaret it was just me like oh this is so awesome okay now I know this exists and she exists and you know well also at the time I didn't even know I didn't know until I was like 16 that I was undocumented and what that even meant right because I wanted to suddenly drive like all my friends at school, like everyone was getting their permits. And I said, grandma, I want to drive too. You know, none of us drive. I think it'd be cool. And then I can drive us around. We don't, the bus, I don't, we don't have to take the bus anymore. You know, you're old, you know, and it'll be easy on us.

41:47And she goes, well, you can't drive. You can't do that because we don't have social security numbers. And I was like, oh, like that was the first time I had realized. What a way to find out. Yeah, I know. I was, yeah, because I wanted to do. By the way, you're here illegally. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right, right. So it's like, it comes to bureaucracy, paperwork stuff, right? That, how would I know? I'm a, I'm just, you know, a high school kid trying to kiss boys. And I did, yeah. That was, that you don't have to be an American to do. That was cool. And go to school. Most boys don't ask for your social security number.

42:27Oh, thank God. Before. Well, I was always a stickler. Sometimes a girl would be like, what's Smooch? And I'd say, well, hold on a second. I'd like to see various documents. Yeah. And that's why I was a virgin until, well, Obama's first term. Okay. We call that a narc. Yeah. We're like, the school snitch over here. You're trying to get kisses still? We're like, do not trust him. I'd sure like to kiss you, but I'd like to see your papers. Yeah. We're like, this narc over here. And so, yeah, because I was surprised because there's so much you could do. I was going to school. I was in the cheerleading squad.

43:04Were you a good cheerleader? I was, you know, as a squad, we were OK. As a squad, we were self-talked. Together, we were OK. Together, we were OK. Separately, we were awful. What a great recommendation. We're not very good. We're terrible when we're apart. But when we get together, we're OK. Tune in. We really kept people's attention with our spirits. We were very self-taught. We didn't have a coach. Our cheer squad. When people hear that I was a cheerleader, they're like, oh, you were a jock. I'm like, no, no, you don't understand. My squad, it was full of girls who were like, if it went for cheer, I would have joined a gang.

43:53These girls were scary. These girls. I didn't know that I didn't know that being a cheerleader was the last exit before gang well that's hilarious welcome to Venice High School yeah early 2000s sure okay Venice no me too I was like you know I thought cheerleaders were like the bring it on girls yeah you know what I mean sure and then here I am I'm you know I join and it's yeah it's my first they were like the first girls to accept me, right? So my first friends were Latinas and black girls who called me Coco. They gave me a nickname. And some of the girls, I mean, they were, like, some of the girls were, their boyfriends were part of the Crips.

44:39Oh, wow. One of them, Juanita, I remember one time, her boyfriend called her a bitch to which she pulled out a switchblade, put it up against his neck and said, if you call me that again, I'll cut you. and then I'll cut myself. I was there. I said, I know. I said, damn, you are crazy. You are crazy. I mean, I get the first part, but the second part seems extraneous. I'm going to say extraneous. We're like, I'll cut you and then later I'll cut myself. Wait, Juanita, I'm very afraid of you cutting my throat, but you do on your own time. Later. The drama. The drama. The drama. Right? She was a poet too on top of it.

45:27I was like, wow. So these were the kinds of girls. Once I got my driver's license senior year, the captain of the squad, she borrowed my car during lunch. Went. Got an abortion. Came back for six period. What were your friends like? Oh my God. So this is the cheerleaders. This is awesome. When I say, yes, when I say if it weren't for a cheer, we would have joined a gang. These are suddenly my friends in America. And I was like, wow, I have been snoozing. What is this exciting life? We would go to, one time we went to Denny's parking lot where a fight broke out between the cheer squad and the flag team.

46:07I had never seen such a thing. We were all in uniform. It was after. The cheer team fought the flag team. Yes, because one of the flag team girls started dating, oh, no, no, no, one of the cheer squad's ex-boyfriends. and I said, oh, what is this? And yeah, I was trying to get on board because I'm such a scaredy cat. I don't fight. Literally, like the only things I fought are like helped fight are the voices in my mom's head in that garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, fighting for my life to stay on the choir. That's the only things I've fought for. Is this, so the fight starts to go down.

46:41Did you, what did you do? So I was scared. I show up with Juanita. They're already, everyone's in uniform. Juanita's just hitting herself in the corner. I'll get you and then I'll get them. She should have done that. Can you imagine? The flag team would have retreated. Yeah. This crazy bitch. I'm going to first punch myself, then I'll get you if you're not careful. Incredible tactic. I love Juanita just backwards with everything. I love this. Incredible. She's all cartoon life. Yeah. I would love that. Oh, man. I'm cheering her on because we're cheerleaders. Sure. No, so I'm on the sidelines. I don't know what to do.

47:21And Juanita's like, I'm going to get in there. I'm going to get in there. The fight started. People are dragging each other on the ground. But first off, they march in, okay? The flag team comes in with their flags. I was like, is this West Side Story? It's West Side Story with flags. And it's confusing because it's like a, the flag team was also like Latin and like black girls too. So we look like we're on this. We don't know who's fighting who. Thank God for the uniforms, because you'll get confused. The uniforms help a lot. At least with West Side Story, it's like, okay, Puerto Ricans versus the white people.

47:57Yeah, yeah. Similar dance moves. It's confusing. You know what I mean? Yeah. These girls. Yeah. So thank goodness for the flags, because then I go, okay, that's not my squad mate. Right. You know? Right. And the pom-poms. We have the pom-poms. Dumbest fight I've ever heard of. Easily the dumbest fight I've ever heard of. But I'm dying to know who won. I know. People are getting tracked. There is no winning, sweetie There is no winning in violence Yeah, David No one wins I'm sorry I asked Except for maybe Juanita's boyfriend Who is at home going Thank God I have a break Tonight Have you kept up with Juanita at all Or any of these people?

48:38Yes, we're on Facebook Oh, that's nice They still call me Coco A few of them have come out to see my shows That's okay. That makes me really happy. Yeah, me too. And so, oh, you asked me for my role. I held everyone's jewelry. Oh. Because they knew, they were like, Coco can't fight. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'll just hold yes. And so, you know, the seed in Cinderella. Right, you had one of those TSA bins. Yeah, that's right. Clink, clink, let's have it all. Clink, clink. Now get to it, you two. Hoops coming up. There you go, thank you. a more, you know, modern reference. I'm referencing Cinderella.

49:17I'm like, you know, the scene in Cinderella. He's like, how about the TSA yesterday? You know, yes. Any way I can help, I like to help. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm like, you know, Cinderella, Cinderella, Cinderella. Who's watched Cinderella lately? Anyway, there's a scene where they're throwing things at her and she's like holding the jewelry and the clothes. You're not, go to the ball. That was me with the fight. I was holding the jewelry and then just shouting positive affirmations because, again, we were cheerleaders. I could do that. J-U-A-N-I-T-A. What's the spell? Juanita. So those were all.

49:57Yeah. Why did I? I don't know why I went into cheerleading. Because I was asking you about this fight. And I'm curious because the Hulu special that you did, Father, you're talking about, because so much of what we talked about today, your father's introduced at the top of your story. And then I think you guys were estranged for a long time. Right, right. And this is your reconnecting or reestablishing a tie with your dad. Right. Yeah, it's true. He missed out on my cheerleading days, my choir days, my Jesus camp days. Right. In a way, it's cool, though, because when we got to meet up and we really got to reconnect.

50:33Has he been living in Japan this whole time? So he's been living in Japan, working as an engineer, raising, you know, my half siblings. So once we were undocumented, another rule that I didn't know was you can't leave the U.S. if you want to come back in. Right. Got it. So we were stuck here. And I suddenly, you know, I didn't get to say bye to my dad who's in Japan, super busy, you know, raising kids, single dad. And I didn't get to say bye to my friends there. So I just felt super like suddenly, oh, like I didn't get closure from my place. Yeah, you're cut off in an unnatural way. Yeah. And then I got busy, right, with like cheerleading or trying to get a driver's license.

51:14I finally got my green card when I was 17. we did the visa lottery program where, you know, I guess my grandma, the hustler, finagler, pretended we were in Japan still the whole time and she put our names into the lottery. Oh my God. I mean, first of all, I want this woman running my life. Yeah. And I'll say, actually, I want her running our foreign policy too. Don't take David's job away. He's right here. I think your grandmother just would beat out David so quickly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you can't do these things. You can't get me into a Japanese lottery system to become a full citizen of the United States.

51:53You've never achieved that. You ask me all the time. You went to Lululemon today and bought me some underwear. That's true. I did do that? Yeah. Would she do that? She could do that, too. She could do that, too. But she's doing, like, international, committing international, I don't know. I say crimes, but she really was able to, with a network of other grandmas from the church, and we know grandmas, like the network of grandmas, they're true they're making it happen yeah they're true like gangs you know what i mean they're telling each other you know the best deals at at the supermarket or you know they're telling each other like what loopholes you know to what bank to go with if you want the higher interest rate or whatever yeah and so through that she figured that out and then every year she would apply for the lottery and every year you know our names wouldn't get pulled and then And on the seventh year, all three of our names got pulled.

52:47That's great. Yeah, and that's how we got to get a green card. Well, let me be the first to welcome you to America. Oh, what a place. Thank you so much. I'm assuming I'm the first. It's been a while. Yeah. But probably no one else had the courtesy to say that. Okay. So welcome. Thank you. I mean, you're kind of like a diplomat, right? No. To so many countries. To many countries, you're the orange-haired American man that they'd rather see when you go abroad, right? And you've done that for us. That's true. That is true. That is true. I'm trending ahead of other orange-haired people who tend to show up in countries sometimes.

53:28You've done that for us. I mean, you closed the gap for us, or you tried to get ahead of it with Greenland. You know what I mean? Yes. I think I've pioneered. You've really done a lot of... I think I've done so much for the world. You have. But I think like the alto in a choir, I'm also overlooked. And I think that's another way that we're. Thank you to the nod at altos. Yes, that's what I do. I have to ask you this before we wrap. Your father, how does he feel about this crazy success you've had? Oh, my gosh. Is he, I'm guessing he's really proud? Yes, he got to see me perform a couple of times on my international tour now.

54:03And so it's cool. I was saying he missed out on my choir days or cheerleading days and stuff like that. But also, he kind of missed out on me struggling in my comedy career, trying to figure it out. I said, okay, finally, let's try this stand-up thing. It's wild that after years of trying it, years of doubting myself, maybe I'll go to art school instead as a backup plan, which is a terrible backup plan. why go linear? Why, with, also, an unemployment, I got a degree in creative writing, and, Boo art, boo creative writing. No, this is art school, so creative writing is literally like, if you want to turn in two words, that's your thesis, you know, it's like that, so, so, you know, he missed out on those years, but then I was developing my voice, and then when we met again, right, it was me doing an international tour, back in Japan to thousands of strangers who know who I am in Japan.

55:10When you come back from work or school, you say, Tadai Ma, I'm home. And your family members go, Okaeri, welcome home. And so on that show where my dad was there, I tried saying it. I said, Tadai Ma, I'm home to these Japanese audiences. And all thousands of them together said, welcome home. And I was like, okay, I almost broke down and cried. And, you know, my dad could understand those parts. And it was really cool because it was like, like, you know, I hadn't been home like that in 22 years, you know, it's, yeah. So it was really cool that that was how we got to reconnect. It is like your, you know, it's like the Superman myth.

55:53He's put into a space capsule and, you know, when he's a baby and shot off. And then if you catch up with him 25 years later, whatever, 10, 15 years later, he's Superman. And it's just this thing that happened that you couldn't foresee, but it's magical. And I think an amazing gift that your dad gets to see that. Sometimes you're going to make people miss you and come back, you know, hotter. Right, isn't that the whole thing? Well, listen, Osco, the special is beautiful. It's on Hulu, Father. and I wish you all the best in Emmy season because you deserve it. You are so funny and you've got a great spirit.

56:34And it was just, it's nice to get to know you better because I admire you and then to have you here and talk. And we got to chat a little bit and bond out on the sidewalk outside of that comedy club. But I remember leaving that night and I was like, oh, this is unfinished business. We have more to talk about. So I was so glad you could come in and I hope you come back. Oh, thank you for having me. You guys are true kindred spirits. And if I may, now I cheer.

57:05Okay. I've really set it up. Yeah. Go. Give me a C. C. You got your C, you got your C. Give me an O. O. You got your O, you got your O. Give me an N. N. You got your N, you got your N Give me an A, N, N, N We got Conan Yay! I like when you ended There was a little bit of We got, well, Conan Osco, thank you so much Thank you so much for having me

57:44Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy Live and Uncensored Catch me talking with my friends About my latest obsessions relationship issues, and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen. You can listen to Jeff Lewis live at home or anywhere you are. Download the SiriusXM app for over 425 channels of ad-free music, sports, entertainment, and more. Subscribe now and get three months free. Offer details apply. Carter's has your family covered for every summer first. First steps, first swim lesson, or first sleepover. Our clothes help kids and parents shine, thanks to comfy design and easy dressing details.

58:26Visit carters.com to shop the latest styles or find a Carter store near you.

58:36All right, we're going to do a little segment. Normally we do this with Matt Gorley, and we do something called Review the Reviewers, where people call in with reviews, and we listen to them, and then I respond to their reviews. but Gourley's not here he's on paternity leave and because he's out and we don't have review the reviewers I thought I'd just supply the call in reviews myself oh boy oh this is so sad yeah so let's listen this is oh no this is Jack Muncy and he's coming to us from Cleveland Ohio and he says let's play it right now oh god you're pressing a button oh my god why are you doing it let's do Conan O 'Brien needs a friend all the time I think it's the best podcast ever Conan's mind like I listen to his mind work and I'm like this guy's splitting the atom I don't even have a question it's just that funny a show and it's like I also think I don't is it me or is he like the coolest guy ever I don't know but I don't know Conan I don't even have a question here you're just incredible well wow that was pretty cool Oh, yeah.

59:46That was so nice. Mr. Muncy, thank you very much. I don't think I'm splitting the atom. I'm just saying things that come to my mind and it tends to dazzle, I guess. You know what I mean? I don't know. You know, it's weird. If you have these superpowers, you don't walk around going, oh, wow, I have superpowers. You're like, I'm Superman. You know, I can crush this piece of coal and it becomes a diamond. Yeah. Another day, another dollar. You don't get amazed by it because you've lived in this body for a long time. Sure. What do you think about me? Yeah. Good enough. What do you think about me? What are, who, what, what are you, what's happening?

1:00:24Karen Stipson in Anchorage, Alaska has a call. We don't, no. Um, hey, Conan, um, yeah, Karen here, and I listen to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend. Why would you need a friend, you know? I would think you, you'd have more friends than anyone on earth. you're just the funniest most creative and I just I don't know I saw you host the Oscars and I was like I'd do that guy he's all that and a bag of chips Karen I know I shouldn't be talking this way Karen's live reacting Karen are you listening to us right now I'm anticipating what you guys will be saying I guess I won anticipator of the year award last year I'm a really good anticipator but I'll just wait for Sonas and David's laughter to calm down which I'm assuming is happening but anyway I just listen to Conan and I'm like wowzy wowzy he's just the best so anyway Conan I'm just curious do you think that you'll divorce your wife and maybe be back on the market and hang out at Anchorage I sure hope so a lot of ladies up here You'll be pretty happy.

1:01:40Well, gotta go now. Bye. Oh, look, it's cold outside. That's Anchorage for you. A little joke. Bye. Well, no, I don't think I'll be divorcing my wife anytime soon. Love my wife. We've been married a long time. She's my soulmate. But hey, you'll be the first I'll call should the deal go down, because she may want me out. Yeah. She gets pretty exasperated. I do this thing at home where I take pretend calls. and Liza hates it. Oh, she does? Yeah, yeah. Oh, but it's so great. Yeah, so that's, she said, why don't you go do that at work? So I thought I'd do it here at work. Wait, that was you? Yeah, well, no, no, no.

1:02:19I didn't do it here yet. I'm thinking I might do it. Karen said you're all that and a bag of chips. Yeah, that's how kids talk now, I guess. Yeah, okay, it's funny. I hear you say that all the time and literally nobody else. Okay, okay. Yeah, so pretty cool. Victor Hidalgo. Oh, no. Where's Victor calling from? He's coming from Corpus Christi, Texas. Conan, man. You're the man. You're the man, Conan. You're one cool hombre. Is he Mexican? You're a cool guy, Conan. I'm actually, despite my name, I am, my family's from Sweden. But I just use the word hombre every now and then. But my father is Lars And my mother My mother is Torquia And yeah I just go by Victor Hidalgo You know But anyway I just want to say the show is amazing And sometimes when I'm sitting In my sauna And having a taco I just think this coding guy is amazing Again no question Just Victor Hidalgo here from Sweden and I just think you're amazing.

1:03:38Again, no question. He's referencing Jack Muncy. I'm just anticipating in my message that everyone else probably didn't have a question either because what can you ask this man? It's like perfect. You know, we have an old saying in Sweden, if the skates aren't bent, skate away, skate away. And I just want to say you're the best, Conan. You're absolutely amazing. and someday I hope you and I can split a Jimmy Jenga. Peace out. Wow, that guy's incredible. Peace out. He said peace out. Yeah, he did. I don't know. I have to say these have been amazing calls and I don't, I don't, these are better than the calls that are curated by Gourley, who I think does a shitty job finding callers.

1:04:25Do you think there's a caller from like a Sona fan? Oh, well, I could try and find out. Let's see. I'll look through the list here. No, there isn't. Okay. I know that violates every rule of improv, but no. It isn't. There's absolutely no. Not a single one? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're getting a call right now. We're getting a live call right now. Eduardo, can you patch this through? This person says they're a Sona fan. Let's see if they are. Let's patch them in right now. Hey, is Conan there? Is Conan on the line? Yeah, this is Conan. What's going on? You say you're a Sona fan? Oh, yeah.

1:05:05I'm a big Sona fan. I just, psych, I'm not a Sona fan. I just wanted to get on. No, no. No, boo. Psych, psych, psych. I'm not a Sona fan. I just wanted to start to Conan. You're the best, Conan. I don't even know what Sona does. Sona seems like she asked you for a lot of favors. I think it's too many favors. God, hang out the phone. I just say Sona. Hang out. You suck, David Halping. You suck. You suck. You suck. Psych. Psych. You suck. Fuck you, fan. Baba booey, baba booey, baba booey. Fuck you fan Yeah fuck you Fuck you Yeah you stink Yeah you fuck you You're dragging Conan down He's the best Alright bye Yeah bye bye Conan Woo Woo Jesus that was unpleasant It said he psyched me out He said he was a fan of yours You know what Not all our fans are good I think that we Don't need all of them Well we do need that guy No I don't think we do It says here he's a multi-millionaire And he wants to give All of his money to the show Which of course would mean It would go to me All right, well, that was Review the Reviewers, and I thought it went really well.

1:06:06Incredible fans I have. Great fans. The best. Peace out. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

1:06:32Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan.

1:07:07And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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