Born to Be Badminton

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Oh my gosh. Hi, how are you? Oh my God. Hello. It's so nice to meet you. Vibuti. Very nice to meet you. Goodbye. There was just a long lag. I don't know if that's, you know, because of the technology, but Vibuti. I just didn't know what to say. You know what? There really is nothing else to say. Vibuti, first of all, welcome. It's very nice to have you on Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. And tell us where you are calling in from. I'm right now in New Delhi in India. Oh, my God. That's cool.

0:48India. You know, I've been to India once. Yeah. With you, Sona. That's right. We did something, a little project in Jaipur, and we loved it. I love the people of India. And of all the places I've been in the world, it was the most different. That's all I can say. Agreed. It was like going to another planet in all the best ways really loved india yeah it was it was an ad right yeah it was for american express i googled it once yeah it was for american express um good payday anyway um i was i was thinking about it the other day i was thinking about how um like india has like a lot going on right you're right it's very different from the rest of the world yes um and one big thing of course there's like um it's very vibrant it's very happening the there's so many foods and colors and blah, blah, blah.

1:37That's what everyone says. But it's also very chaotic. And I feel like anyone who really appreciates being here has to have a high chaos tolerance. Yes. I think you'll agree with me, Sona, that when we visited Jaipur and we were, I remember we were driving around and traffic was not flowing in any one direction. And I don't mean people were going in two directions or three directions, people, livestock, buses, everything was coming from every direction. I had never seen anything like it. And I found it exhilarating. Me too. I've just was, I was, I loved it. I love the energy and I love the lack of order.

2:20And, uh, there was just so much beauty there and a real zest for life. That's what I picked up on. Am I correct? So true. So true. I think I was thinking, I think Sona would have, like, I feel like Sona has a great chaos tolerance. I do. She has to. Yeah. She has to. She works for me, and she comes from a family of maniacs. Oh, okay. I say that in the nicest way. Oh, do you? Yeah, I love your parents. Maniacs. Yeah. I'm going to tell them you said that then. No, but, yeah. If you meant it in a nice way, I'm going to say, hey, mom, pop, Conan says we're maniacs. They come from a very vibrant culture.

2:59Yes. Yeah. Wow, that's a nice way to say it. We're chaotic. That's what we say about ourselves. Yeah, maniacs. Anyway, so Vibhuti - But Goli, you have a high, I think you would almost like confuse us if you came here because you create chaos wherever you go, right? Yes, I think that if I came to India, my level of chaos would be higher than the people of New Delhi have ever seen before. Yeah. I think they would be saying like, Like, this guy has to calm down. It's too much. We got to get him out of here. We got to get him out of here. Get him out. Tell me about your life, Vibhuti. You're in New Delhi.

3:40Are you married? Am I allowed to ask that? Yes, yes, I got married. Because I was about to propose to you. And I think it's important to know if someone's married before you propose to them. That's a good idea. But you're also married. Yeah, but that thing, you know, it's an L.A. marriage. That marriage could go at any time. Listen, we've grown distant in the last several days, my wife and I, after 23 years. No, I'm very happily married. Tell me about yourself. Are you with somebody? Yeah, I got married last year. Oh, congratulations. Yeah. Did you have one of those big ceremonial weddings where, I mean, some of the weddings in India are, it's a giant multi-day affair.

4:27Did you go that route? oh my god it was huge dude it was too much uh and and like in retrospect like this is how much i'm thinking i'm often thinking about the podcast i was like if only i had applied to conor brian needs a fan before my wedding i could have invited you yes you say that like a missed opportunity but you know what vabuti i don't think you wanted me i think uh you know what I mean? I'm a lot. I'm a lot. So I think on some subconscious level, the reason you don't agree so quickly, but I think one of the... She's talking to us. I think that's what she meant. She would invite us, right?

5:06Oh, oh my gosh. To have Matt and Sona and Aaron and Eduardo. Everyone. Okay, well. But then we have to have Conan, right? No, we don't. We absolutely do not. So you had this big wedding and I want to know who you married. Because this is a... I want to say this. I'll say a kind thing. This is a lucky person. You're very beautiful. You're very funny. You seem very smart. You've got a great personality. Who is this person? He is, well, now anything I say seems like not good enough, but he's amazing as well. I don't know. So his name is Casey. Casey. He works, until very recently, he worked with the UN in Ukraine informing their humanitarian response.

5:52Oh, wow. That's very good work he's doing. That's very good work. and very important work. So he sounds like a really cool guy. You've been married now a year. Yes. And where are you right now? Do you guys have your own place? So for the past two months, we've been living here at my parents' home. You're living with your parents right now? Yeah. Because that can be tough. And I'm going to tell you how I know that for a fact. Until I was 18, I lived with my parents. That's more of a legal thing. But Sona had to, because she lost her house in the Altadena fire, moved back in with your mom and dad and your husband and your two children.

6:31And why don't you jump in here? And my dog. It's a lot. It is a lot to move back home after you haven't lived at home for a while. And, you know, you need your space. Let's just say you need your space. Right. I mean, I need my space. Have you found it difficult, Vabuti? we don't want to put words in your mouth, but has it been difficult and why has it been difficult? And it sounds difficult.

6:57Who is it who really gets to your mom or your dad? Mom. Your mom. Wait, no, that's your. Oh, sorry. I want to put it on the record because my parents are going to hear this, that they are angels. I love them so much. Okay. How about we don't have them listen to this? We'll make a second one that they can listen to. But I want the truth. Oh, oh my gosh. Who can be a little bit, who can be a little rough? And they can still be wonderful people, but who sometimes creates a little bit more of a problem? She could have ruined her home life. Would you shut up?

7:34Matt gets it. Thank you, Gourley. Oh yeah, he gets it. This is not a good podcast, that's all. Oh, let's get the fizz out of this soda. Now it's better. It's nice and flat.

7:46so my um my dad has been so warm and loving and welcoming and at the same time i can see that he um has a hard time seeing me as an adult yes and he is he's just uh and sometimes he says it you know to me you'll always be five years old you'll always be a little girl and I'm like that's very sweet but I'm also not I'm married I pay taxes I've lived in a couple of countries you know yeah so he sometimes how does this come out when he's treating you like a child does he ever say you know go up to your room does he ever turn into the dad of your childhood why do you smell like weed okay you're projecting Sona First of all, you're projecting your childhood and last week.

8:45Today. Yeah, this morning. Mother's Day. Yeah. It's Mother's Day, brah. Yeah, you deserve a break, persona. It's Mother's Day. So, Vibhuti, just tell me what kinds of things specifically does your father do? It's okay. You're saying it with love. Gosh, like, yeah, with love. with love last week i had a flu and uh he was like obsessed with the idea of me going uh to the doctor and i was like it's you know it's just a flu it'll pass in three days i don't need to see a doctor um and he was like no you you must go these days it can be so strong and it can turn into something very bad and i was like yeah yeah okay cool cool and i just wanted to like i just wanted 48 hours to pass and to see if it's gonna be fine and it was fine um yeah i'm still with there.

9:36I had a cough. My dad's like, go to the doctor. I'm like, I know I don't need to go. They just don't. They're very parental that way. And it's sweet, but also, you know. But Vabuti, it's a two way street. Have you found that you've regressed at all? Sometimes when I would go back home, even when I was in my 30s and 40s, if you can believe it, I'd act more childish around my parents because I was back in the home where I was a child. Now, I know this is a strong dose of weirdness and no one can understand it. Hard to believe, but I would act more childish around my parents. Do you find that you do that sometimes?

10:10What would you do? Oh, sometimes I'd do long bits or act silly or jump around or do long interviews that had no real point or run on sentences. I'd comb my hair up to a big pompadour. I would do a dance where I pretended strings were attached to my hips. I mean, I'm going to regress. Wait a minute. I'm describing my career. Yeah. That sounds like a day in the life of Conan. Yeah.

10:48Vabuti, I'm going to try a different tact here. Let's say that I were to visit you. Okay. Mm-hmm. and let's say that I were to stay with you and your husband, whose name is, again, is Casey. Casey. Casey. I'm sure I'd be welcome there and your parents. Yeah, for sure. Would they be aware of who I am? Would your parents know who I am? Yes, they are so aware. My dad has seen you live. He saw me live? Many, many years ago. Wow. Yeah, live. he many many years ago he worked for general electric and there was some sort of opportunity to see you yeah exactly yeah general electric was my boss when i was yeah general electric owned nbc and so back in the day occasionally they would need some kind of an orange haired chimpanzee to go out and entertain the the ge crowd and i would do that that's exactly how he described you did he did he like did he enjoy my show uh yeah he did and he and he also said like the one thing that i guess everyone says is that oh he's so tall he's so tall yeah yeah they don't really say funny they just say tall um but that's okay most comedians want to be described by their height really likes you okay well listen so it sounds like i'd be accepted by your family your mom's a fan your dad's a fan and has seen me live um you know casey your husband would tolerate me uh you're a fan he would yeah so i come and i visit what would we do what would you want me is there a way that i could help you yes well uh there's a way in which you could help me and then there's also something that i so recently i went to a fort close to new delhi and I'd love to take you there.

12:38It's a few hours drive. Wow, you had me at a few hours drive to a fort. That sounds pretty good. Okay, it's cursed and it's still haunted. And there's a djinn that lives in the fort that people worship on a daily basis. The Irish also worship djinn, but it's a different djinn. So there's an evil djinn. People from nearby villages come to offer sweets because they believe the djinn will grant them their wishes. Wait, so it's a cursed fort, but we would go there hoping that the djinn would grant our wishes. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes if we want our wishes to be granted, we have to do dangerous things.

13:17But that doesn't sound cursed. Is anything bad potentially going to happen? Well, so the story goes that the reason it's cursed is because there was once, it was once a bustling township and fort and whatnot. And there was a beautiful princess who was desired by this evil magician who tried every technique to bring her under his control. And he always failed. And then one time he tried to give her a magic potion, which she immediately recognized. He disguised it as a perfume, but she knew what it was. And she threw it on a rock. And then the rock became possessed and it crushed the magician to death.

14:00but before he died, he cursed the fort and he cursed the people and he cursed the land that it will be barren forever. Magicians are not good people. I know that's a blanket statement, but they really are. Evil magician, to be clear. You don't have to say evil magician. Just say he was a magician. Yeah. You know? There's something weird. Yeah, there's just something going on there. Oh, no, no, no. You want to look David Copperfield in the eye and feel comfortable? There's no way. I don't know. I'll hang out with David Blaine. He seems cool. Yeah, sure. That'll be fun. That's a fun date. Hey, what are we doing?

14:33Are we going to a restaurant? No, I'm going to get inside this little bubble and not eat for 17 days. You can watch me in Times Square. No, I don't think that's happening. Apologies to David Blaine, but famously, tough date. Vaboodi, okay, maybe we'll check out the cursed fort that's a couple of hours away. Visit the gym. Gosh, so uninterested. and anything else that we would do while we were there is there any way I can help you well let's get to badminton I'm sorry I'm not kidding around anymore there's a badminton thing there's a badminton thing sorry for the past two months I've been really getting into badminton and in my neighborhood there is this girl who is unbeatable Her name is Tolika.

15:26She's amazing. I'm never able to get past her. And I could really use your help to improve my badminton skills, maybe team up and just, you know, for once and for all, claim my my spot as the best badminton player. Well, here's the deal. And I'm glad you called Vabuti because I am recognized as an incredible natural athlete. I have not played badminton, but I don't even have to have played badminton. I think anything that involves hand coordination... It would be so great. I would be amazing. Your height would make you very good at the screen. I'm very tall. I'm a distraction to the other team because I'm quite unusual looking.

16:06The hair's flopping around. Exactly. They get confused. My limbs are out of proportion. But also I'm a fierce competitor. I dominate. I need to win. I could help you beat your arch rival Tolika in badminton. Yep. Yep. That would be amazing. If you could do that for me, I would be forever grateful. He can't. Well, what are you talking about? Yes, I can. I can and I will. I mean, height is like wasted on you. Like you can be over the net, but I don't. Just go to the fourth. Have you ever even played? Have you ever even played badminton? I think once I played badminton. And only three people were killed.

16:50Vabuti, I want to make your dreams. Conan, I'm also not that good. I'm not that good at badminton. Like my mom beats Tolika. It's just that I can't beat Tolika. Oh, your mom can beat? It's not that she's good, you just suck. Yeah. Okay. But my mom is incredible. Maybe it can be Tolika and my mom versus me Maybe your mom is your arch rival Yeah My mom beats Tolika once in a while Like she usually loses Once in a while she wins I don't win Well I think Tolika first of all Has been probably getting professional help She probably has a coach I mean there's a reason Tolika is so good She's juicing I think she's juicing I definitely think she's juicing Tolika is on some kind of steroid Does she have massive forearms?

17:39Does she have an anchor tattoo? Does she say I always eats me spinach? Okay. She's Papa. Does she have a girlfriend named Olive Oil? Yeah, yeah, she does. Does she ever say I yam what I yam? When she laughs, does she go? Vibuti, I need help, mental help, but I'd love to help you. I'd love to be of assistance. You seem like a very cool fan, and I'm happy for you. I'm happy for your marriage, your healthy relationship with your parents, even though your dad sounds very domineering and treats you like a child. He doesn't understand that most things are, most illnesses are short-lived, quickly go away on their own.

18:26But other than that, everything sounds fine. And I'd visit a cursed fort with you any day to visit the djinn and see the rock that crushed the magician because I don't like a magician. I could have wrapped this up so much more easily. Yeah, you could have. But I've had a little aneurysm here. Do you need an assist or something? No, I'm done. Vaboudi, thank you so much for calling in. You seem lovely. You really do. Have a fantastic day. And I do hope that we get to meet in person. Thank you so much, Conan. Matt, Sona, it's such a pleasure to have spoken to you. Thank you for your time. Thank you, Vaboudi.

19:02Bye-bye. Bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian and Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy Supervising producer Aaron Blair Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm Engineering by Eduardo Perez Get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.