Conan's Own

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, Let's get started. Okay, knock it off you two. Hi, Mike. Welcome to the show. Well, thank you very much. Thank you for having me. Hello, Mike. It's good to talk to you. Tell us, Mike, where are you talking to us from right now? Where are you in the world? I am in Lake Placid, New York, up in the Adirondack Mountains. I don't know if you've been here before, but it's a beautiful spot. I've been here for about 20 years. I'm raising three wonderful kids, and I get to work out in the woods of the Adirondack Mountains all the time.

0:43This sounds kind of perfect. I have been up to Lake Placid. And, of course, Lake Placid, am I correct? Is that the 1980 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid? 1980 and 1932. Yes. Okay, I wasn't around for that one. And potentially 2026 for the sliding sports. We're going to find out. I just got the word about that. It's not happening. Aww. Yeah. I'm the first one they talk to The sliding sports? Yeah, I'll tell you later It's a whole thing I'm on the board But Oh, those Yeah, the sports where you lay still And gravity does it all Oh, come on Well, I'm sorry, but it is Just stay really still And you might get a gold medal Wow Don't move Remember we just had a bobsledder on this?

1:29Oh, yeah That guy was full of shit Hey, I stayed really still And I won good for you, Bob Sledder. Look, this got off to a bad start and I apologize, Mike. But I do think Lake Placid is a beautiful place and also home of the Adirondack Chair. I'm going to say the Adirondack Chair is the best outdoor wooden chair one can have. It gives you the most back support. Hot take. Yeah, that's my hot take. So I know what's yours. I don't know very many others. Okay, go ahead. So Conan, why have you not used the Adirondack Chair for the Subway S'mores then? Well, we should have an Adirondack chair the next time we're outside and I'm gonna demand one.

2:09And then I wanna keep it at the end of the night and I don't wanna pay for it. I want it to be courtesy of the Team Cocoa machine, which means basically it ends up coming out of my - I know some people who make Adirondack chairs. So if you decide to go with it. I just think that's a fantastic chair. The Adirondack chair, check it out. It is, it is, it is. Tell us, what do you do? What is your profession? How do you make your way in this cruel world? Um, I, uh, about 10 years ago, I founded a company called the forest farmers. Um, we and my business partners, we own, uh, 10 ,000 acres of forest land here in the Adirondacks and Vermont.

2:45Wow. And we collect sap from lots of different tree species and turn it into syrups and sugars and all sorts of, uh, beverages and delicious food. So basically, uh, let me cut to the chase. You're in the maple syrup business. Not just maple syrup, but other tree syrups as well, yes. Maple syrup is our number one thing. I didn't know there were other tree syrups. What other tree syrups are there? We do birch, beech, and walnut. And there's another five species that we could do, but we're not in the right part of the country to do that. Okay. That's strange to me. I mean, maple is the go-to, and it's suddenly like you're saying, oh no, there's another kind of Kleenex other than Kleenex.

3:31There's Zorzabar tissues. So describe what does it taste like? How is it different beech from maple? Or is that just an impossible thing to describe? No, no. So every different tree syrup tastes a little bit different. Some are very different than others. and it has to do, you know, a lot of types of sugars that are present in the sap and then how you boil it down. And so beach syrup tastes similar to maple, but with more like a raisiny fig type of complex to it. Oh, interesting. I'm glad you asked this because actually we have a syrup taste test to do. I have no palate. They all... Let's bring them in.

4:16We have syrups here that we're going to try. Syrups. This is fantastic. Yeah, so I had sent syrups for each of the three chill chums. So they each have a syrup. Oh, look at that. This looks like Jager Bob. That is each, you know. Oh, wait. Should I wait till we do it? Let's wait. Let's wait. You can take us through this, Mike. Oh, I see. Each one, I understand. We don't each get a plate. Each plate, yes. So move the plates to the middle. And so you have your birch, you have your maple. What's that one right over there? This is pure maple. Oh, man. That's a maple walnut. There's a pure maple, which is the traditional one, and then a maple walnut.

5:05That one's for gourlay. I think what we're going to do is... I just want to have a few more questions before we start tasting, which is... I know when I was a kid, I was tasting what I thought was syrup, but it wasn't. It was the stuff that you get at the supermarket. Basically, in the 60s and 70s, we were lied to. What was I eating? Not just the 60s and 70s. We're continually being lied to. Like, the vast majority of people in the U.S. consume the fake stuff. You know, the Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, Slug Cab, and all that stuff. So Mrs. Butterworth is a liar, is what you're saying. Does she not even exist?

5:52Was she a real person? I saw Mrs. Butterworth move on a kitchen table. She's got to be real. I always assumed she was a very small person whose body was filled with syrup. Yeah. Next you're going to say, you know, Eggo waffles aren't real waffles. Okay, let's not do that. I'm sorry. Okay, that's just slanderous. That's like saying there's no Santa Claus. You're such a conspiracy theorist. So anyway, that's just basically sugar and what? What is it? Well, it's corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, and an artificial maple flavoring. And a bunch of preservatives. What happened to this country? This country was founded on something important, and now we've lost our way.

6:29But you're going to bring it back because you're talking about real syrups. Well, Conan, I know you're a huge history buff. You bet I am. Civil War as well. Not just Civil War. Don't pigeonhole me. I know all histories. Oh, no. God, I think he got mad at me when I said not just Civil War. We lost his connection. We'll get it back. Don't worry. It's a matter of time. This is tough because I really want to drink these syrup. It looks so good. Is there something that can be dipped? Let's start with the pure. I know. Let's stir. We'll start with the pure maple syrup. Should we go ahead and do it? No, no.

7:03We're going to wait until he comes back, but we can at least distribute. Okay. If I had access to this much syrup, I'd take a bath in it. Oh, I don't think you would. Too bad we're not. I'm going to keep that in. I'm going to keep that in the podcast. We're not recording. We are still recording. It's not rolling for sure. It doesn't matter. The fan's gone. I'm going to put that part in. This guy up in the northern reaches of New York who gets syrup out of a tree. His computer went down. Big shock. His computer is made of balsa wood. It probably runs on sap. You know, there's there's like a falcon.

7:37What's that? I'm reading this thing. There's this is dark, robust maple syrup for Sona. since she is traditional and sweet. Oh, that's so nice. Oh, so these are each tailored to us. The most normal syrup that we make in honor of Stonis. Yeah, but we're all going to taste all of them, I think. So the first one is the pure maple. Can you read that again? Yours is nutty. Probably real nutty. All right, well, listen. This gentleman is not with us at the moment. Can he hear us? I don't think so. He's not on yet. Well, I just think this gentleman who we're talking to, Mike, who makes the maple syrup, his connection has gone down because I don't think they have Wi-Fi yet in Lake Placid, New York.

8:11And that's going to cost them the Olympics. if they can't get it together. How will people luge without Wi-Fi? Yeah, yeah. There's no way to luge. You can't luge. It's a no luge situation.

8:27Why am I laughing so hard at that? You're laughing because the fumes from the syrup. He'll be back anytime now. And you know what? I don't know who sets these things up, but I'm sure... They cheated. Is it Eduardo? Who tests the signal? It's a team effort. Team effort, I see. Well, that's a nice way to throw people under the bus. I didn't say who was on the team. I said, I'm part of the team. Okay, don't worry about it. And listen, you won't be blamed, Aaron Blair, for okaying a connection that isn't there. Can't we send these people equipment? Is there a way to get... I took a sip. Oh, you cheaters.

8:58I know. You're supposed to taste ahead of time. I can't help it. It's really good. You should just take a little... I play by the rules. He's the older sibling on Christmas morning that won't let us go look at our gifts. I remember those days. teacher you forgot to give us homework assignment there he is hey you're back Mike I want you to know that I take responsibility for that system going down and when I say I take responsibility I mean my bad team I think you're going to blame it on Eduardo or it's Blay and Eduardo we call them Bledwardo Bledwardo is a beast that screws everything up

9:45Okay, so we're about to taste the, which is the first one we're tasting? Pure maple syrup. Pure maple syrup. And tell us, when was this harvested? What's the best time to get that maple syrup? Is it the winter? Well, actually, the best time is right now. We're in the middle of maple season. Let's taste it right now. No doubt about it, yes. Mmm, that's delicious. Good God! That is heaven. That is so good. That is so good. The texture. Oh, my God. It's just like Mrs. Butterworth. There's something so wonderful about drinking out of a shot glass, too. Well, again, that feeds into your alcoholism.

10:22It sure does. I can't take too much of it straight. Wow, soda. I know. I don't know how you do it. You said a little bit. I just have a little taste. I can't. I'm a hummingbird. I will just drink nectar. I just want to lick that. That is fantastic. That is, I mean, the taste, the texture. Well, because it's not the fake stuff, right? So the fake stuff is what people are used to, but when you get the real thing, it's, you know, that much better. Yeah, once you've had, hey, once I've had this, you can't go back, you know? I can't go back. I'm going to go home and - Well, you have two others to try, Conan.

10:55All right, what's the next one you want us to try? There's maple walnut, and then there's birch. Well, okay. Okay, so birch is much different than maple. Maple walnut is very similar to maple. It's just a little - Let's do that next. I can't talk about it because you guys are supposed to. Okay, let's do maple. Are we supposed to clear our palate? Oh, yeah, take a little water. Just take a little sip of water. Oh, yeah, okay, sure. Let's read the description here. Maple walnut syrup. Matt's syrup is made from the sap of maple and walnut trees. It's mostly sweet, but just a tad but nutty. Excuse me.

11:29I'm just reading what he wrote. In honor of Professor Gourley. Thank you, Mike. Conan, you go screw. Go screw. Okay, here we go. Oh my. Oh, I really like that. I can taste the difference. I can taste the walnut. Oh, I taste so good. That is so good. I love that you have the walnut, the walnut-y, it's got that just little nutty something. Yeah, nuts. Mm. That's for Gourley, because everybody loves Gourley, right? Ah! You've asked around. Who are you asking? Thank you, thank you, Mike. Thank you, a little bit of that. Were you chatting up a bear in the woods? An elk come by? I like garlic. Oh, I'm so happy.

12:08Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I really got to say I love drinking myself there. That's just, it's staying in there. She's so thick. Yeah. She's thick. Okay, so can I. Jesus, look at her go. I just want to. You're like a, you're a monster. I'm so happy. This is just, you're not even drinking all of it. I can't. I can't take that much pure. That's a lot of syrup, yeah. I can't do it. You don't need to drink it all. Yeah. I like to get little tastes. No problem. You're the person that goes to the wine tasting and just drains the whole bottle. It's true. And they say, you know, you spit in this barrel and then you drink out of the barrel.

12:42Oh, this is, smells very different. Okay, read your, So Conan, it's very different. And this one is definitely for you, Conan. This is for Conan since it's made from very tall white birch trees. And this syrup has a reddish hue. It is sweet and fruity, but slightly acidic with very unique flavors. That is me. This is a good description of me. Oh, man, I'm so happy. Is birch syrup going to catch on, do you think? I hope so, if I have a great spokesperson. Somebody doesn't like it. Nope. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my. No. This is me? You're not supposed to have birch syrup on its own. So I was going to try to warn you that people just don't drink birch syrup.

13:30You wouldn't just drink a balsamic vinaigrette. You know what I mean? Oh, okay. Okay, so it's used in cooking. Like it's not like something you pour on pancakes and you just like take shots of. So mine, I'm still gonna drink it. When you have a little bit of it. Why did you tell us that afterwards? Well, cause you cut me off and didn't let me say. You were so excited to drink yourself. It was in glasses that were presented to us at a tasting. So how did I fuck that up? That's a - Power? Tangy. Yeah, it's a common. It's a very common reaction. So but when you have birch syrup on like salmon or pork or chicken, it is delicious.

14:13Oh, I could see that. It's how you use it. You have to you have to use it in cooking. It's not something you would just drink. Like nobody would just drink. Like I said, balsamic vinaigrette. Yeah, you'd have to pour it into cups at a tasting and have it be the third thing you tasted for someone to accidentally drink. It's kind of accurate because you on your own, you're a lot. But with me and Gourley, I see what's happening. We compliment you. And the salad. The taste of Gourley was fantastic. The taste of Sona was amazing. And then when you two were quiet and we had a little bit of Conan, it was repellent.

14:45Yeah. It was sour. Okay. It was only supposed to be slightly acidic, not fully acidic. I wouldn't say that acidic is the only issue. How's it selling? The Birch syrup. How's it going? The Conan one. So, yeah, the Conan one. Don't, let's move away from it. No, that's the name. Nope. Let's move away from that name. Get it on the bottle. Let's call it the Jordan. It is. George Schlansky. Let me do you a little favor here, pal. I don't know much about business and such. I would put 99.9 % of your business into the two maples, the walnut maple and the regular maple. I would try. Would you have a facility where you make the birch?

15:41Yeah, we do. Yeah, blow it up. Blow it up. No, I'm just saying. Just blow it up. We do. Big blow up. Big blow it up. Explosion. We do put most of our effort into maple. That is our number one drink. Good, good. Yes. But the birch sap runs after maple, and we have a lot of customers that do actually appreciate birch for its unique flavors that use it in cooking. There are lots of different chefs that use it. I can imagine. If you're grilling and base that on there, oh, that'd be so good. No answer would come around. Anybody who just has it by itself, it's not just something you normally just drink.

16:21And then we also have a lot of people that buy it for just the sap as a beverage because that's what's been used for centuries. People drinking birch sap in the springtime is like a spring tonic. It's delicious just as a sap right out of the tree. Is that where birch beer comes from? Birch beer, there's lots of different types of birch beer. But the birch beer that came out of America was actually the distillate of sweet birch or black birch in Pennsylvania. has like an oil of wintergreen that's grown in the trees. And that's where they made the birch beer from. Okay. Well, it probably took a stand and unproductive.

16:59I was going to say, I've never heard of birch beer. Oh, birch beer is pretty common. Okay. No, no. It's out there. You've had birch beer before. No, is that an East Coast thing? It must be. I don't drink much. Yeah, it's a Northeast thing. More when Conan was growing up too. Yeah, when I was growing up, every now and then, my grandfather would pull up in his Model T and say, let's go get a birch beer. And then on the way back, we'd vote for Warren Harding for president. See, out here we just have beer. We just have beer, you nerd. Okay, well, okay. Well, I guess I'm the fool in this equation. Well, I mean.

17:29This is a, you have mostly a thriving business, I think. Mostly. Be wary of the birch syrup and put a warning on the label, do not drink, okay? Just put a warning on the birch syrup label that it's not to be, you know, no one should drink it. Yes, yes. Oh, you know what, better yet, put my face on it, no one's gonna drink it. I think if we put your face on it, everybody would wanna buy it. No, we've tried that with other products. Oh. Yeah. Really? We have a Conan fire extinguisher and in fires people won't use it. We have a Conan intubator and people that are dying won't use it. Anti-Paul Newman.

18:08Okay, that's nice. You win this round soon. Oh, Conan's own. Conan's own proceeds are stolen from charity. Yeah, all my money is taken from kids' camps. The ship is sinking. Quickly, grab the life preservers. They're Conan's own life preservers. I'd rather die! I choose to drown! Well, Mike, you're a good guy. You've got a nice business. I envy you living up there in Lake Placid. Those are cold winters, but what a beautiful country. What a beautiful place to be from. And congratulations on the upcoming possible Olympics where people remain perfectly motionless and yet are given the highest prize possible in athletics.

18:55I think that's it. I think we're going to... It was a pleasure, Mike. Yeah, we're going to go make some griddle cakes and pour two of these three syrups onto it. And then afterwards not use the Conan defibrillator. Yeah, exactly. Well, thank you very much, Mike. Take care. Bye. Okay, thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples.

19:38Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.