Cōnānus et Jordānēs Show - Luke Ranieri

0:06All right. Well, if we're listening to a, I guess, a hyperactive version of what are we listening to here, Jordan? Explain what this is. I'm going to say that I hear nothing. There's apparently a technical problem. Turn the knob on your headphone. Oh, my God. What an idiot. What an audio idiot. I should have explained that. Apologies, Jordan. That's my fault. All right. Now let's take a listen. Is this like a Duran Duran 12-inch, like a night version? Well. Oh, I see. You know what it is? Yeah. This is a souped-up version of Tom Sawyer. Yes. rush let's let's kill it now because i think we're the idea is to get listeners not drive them deep into the woods where they commit suicide what's the name of that band mindless self indulgence yeah which is the maybe the correct title for this episode uh welcome to the conan and jordan show and uh we usually begin with the rush song tom sawyer which is that's your favorite band and maybe your favorite song of theirs and then this was a hyped up version by the band mindless self-indulgence and that was a surprise for both of us i didn't know that was going to play well i'm saying is we've had a bit of time off and there's been a lot of time to think of ideas and that's what and that's what you guys came up with don't include me in this oh okay i am i am right they what they did imagine imagine a soviet era space capsule right and they put two chimps inside yeah now the scientists the russian scientists have been working hard on blasting the chimps into space but you and i are the chimps okay so i am was unaware that that was going to happen okay and i've done no preparation for this podcast right yeah likewise now is that the sense do all your podcasts involve the same lack of preparation or do you do you somehow devalue this one with respect to some of the other brian needs a friend i actually i care about those people I see.

2:02We're talking about big stars like Al Pacino. I'll read his book. I'll think about all the things I want to talk to Al Pacino about. Makes sense. Or if I'm talking to President Barack Obama, I really put a lot of thought into it. When they say, when I call in, as I do in the morning and say, who am I talking to today? And they say, it's you and Jordan. I actually stop off at UCLA and have a portion of my brain removed. I see. And destroyed. You know, I've heard you talk about when you have a big guest like Harrison Ford, that there are some extra people out there in the waiting room you know the whole staff shows up people that don't need to be here people are excited yeah i couldn't help but notice i walked in it is empty out there there is no one there there's one tumbleweed um and then the tumbleweed left listen we have a lot to talk about in jordan you know i do treasure our friendship if you can call it that i don't know what it is but um we have a we have some kind of chemical bond all right which needs to be eradicated like smallpox um but people are fascinated they like to listen to us they like to watch us travel the world you've come with me on some of my adventures and we have uh this show that we do which uh people do enjoy oh good or not there's been great i haven't seen the metrics there are none okay there are no men no one even cares to measure no who would measure that right um but i want to start today with some uh i think good news for you oh you have many pet peeves you have many um uh i don't know sort of causes that you champion all right which are a waste of time um one is food coloring you've been bothered about food coloring do you want to take us uh give us just a quick tour of what you think about food coloring well it becomes most apparent when you compare some american food products to their foreign equivalents uh things like m &ms where if you get them in the united kingdom the colors come from things like vegetable juice and the colors are a bit muted i guess with you know compared to america's artificial like the british themselves kind of washed out yeah well they'll live a bit longer because uh they have i think they all have massive heart attacks in their 50s right because of all the pints they've been having right but anyway um you're saying that the the uk they use uh natural food coloring more stringent requirements about limiting the types of artificial coloring that's used in our food and when you talk about artificial flavor i guess i could see the appeal in it because you want something to taste a certain one you can't achieve it otherwise um but when you talk about artificial color i mean how shallow are we that we just need something to look a certain way yeah you know yeah Well, you've made the same point many times that you think the Europeans do things better than we do.

4:52Sometimes. Well, you tend to mostly lean that way. You seem a little anti-American to me. I want to tell you that you should be quite happy. Robert Kennedy Jr., who is now the health czar of America. He's in charge of, and rightfully so, given his medical background and his knowledge. and his years and years of study. I think he has a medical degree. Does he have a medical degree? Does anyone know? Are you looking it up right now? You don't have to. He does not. It's not important. Anyway, Robert Kennedy Jr., RFK Jr., has decided to ban the artificial colors and dyes that are used in the United States.

5:40He wants to get rid of them. and this is one of those instances where what the government's doing aligns with what you believe in and he is getting rid of those colors and so probably one of the places you're going to see this most clearly is fruit loops yeah now do you enjoy fruit loops the cereal uh they're not the ideal breakfast cereal uh but yeah i've been known to ideal in what way well i did a deep comparison of different breakfast cereals recently and uh fruit loops while they um they have a lot of sweetness which is enticing um the texture is a little bit too airy i like a little bit more substance like a golden grams is a little more um fulfilling an experience yeah uh i love fruit loops okay i have long been a fruit loops fan do you know how to spell fruit loops what are you job i went to harvard yeah you don't think i know how to spell fruit loops right okay um so fruit loops in the future very soon they they have like fluorescent colors now yeah which i love by the way um those are going to be gone and they'll have a more muted muted tones you may call it muted i call it natural the way colors occur in nature yeah but i think that man's job on earth is to improve upon nature.

7:07They will taste the same. And I don't know what pleasure you derive in looking at that bright blue color. And I like the way the colors change the milk. The great thing about Froot Loops with all of the radioactive dyes that we use in the United States is that you can turn off the lights and like an alarm clock, you can still see the little that's lit up. That's what I love about Froot Loops. I don't even eat cereal in milk. You know what's amazing? Fruity Pebbles. Have you had Fruity Pebbles? Yeah, their texture is a little bit too slight for me. I love that texture. I love how small they are.

7:43I specifically dislike that. They're like slivers. Okay, well, this is why you and I should never occupy a cell in a prison together. Yeah. Because we just don't get along on some of the major life issues. But the colors in Fruity Pebbles are insane. I've never done LSD. Okay. And I don't have to because I've had Fruity Pebbles. Well, you better stock up now, apparently. Well, the nice thing is I can stock up and they'll never go bad because of the dyes. Okay. It's true that any box of Froot Loops you buy today will exist in its intact form 10 ,000 years from now and will be edible. Okay. Great improv, by the way.

8:25Okay. I love that we're discussing current events. I like that this has become the format of the show. What else is in the news? And we'll weigh in on it. just inform me in advance if we're going to be changing the format of the show no no i mean we did we spoke for an hour about breakfast cereal like two weeks ago if you want to continue we can i i'm assuming this is leading to something where's the payoff i'm just telling you that we like to occasionally cover right events okay this is a current event it's in the news today okay that robert kennedy jr the very well qualified government official in charge in the cabinet, in the Trump cabinet, who's in charge of our health and our welfare, who's done, I'm assuming, just years and years and years of hardcore research and study, has decided that this is the best course of action.

9:14Okay. And I'm assuming it's a good idea. And I think you agree. If you're looking for a political opinion, I have none to offer. I am happy to hear that the United States is moving in the right direction with respect to artificial colors. now do you hate bright colors in general no i have no problems with bright colors uh but i have a problem with artificial colors okay but when you see a movie you know that they're doing sometimes there's going to be some enhancement to the colors and things like that when you see your beloved star wars when you call it an enhancement i call it like an hdr color grade in the hdr 10 color space or perhaps the dolby vision color space maybe even hdr 10 plus of course i understand that movies are graded.

9:55You're talking to an expert here. You come in there talking about enhancement. Do you want to apologize? Yeah. I could tell you, I could tell you the IRE level 400 nits. You're coming to me, you're coming to me like I'm a chimp explaining to me that movies are colored. I spell fruit loops. Yeah, I like pleasing colors. You thought I was going to think it was F-R-U-I-T? Yeah. And let's not pretend that everyone knows that it's F-R-U-I-T. Of course they know it's that. You wouldn't call them real fruit loops? No, that's not self-evident. No one would do that. No, no, no, no. No one asks for, I would like the loops that are made of fruit.

10:29How do you spell fruity pebbles? Fruity pebbles is actually F-R-U-I-T-Y. Very good. Just testing you again. No, these are. You did well. This is what I majored in in college. I wrote a thesis on fruity pebbles versus fruit loops. Right. Guess what? Summa cum laude. Okay. Yeah. I actually went to Oxford and was given several prizes for this dissertation, if you will. Okay. Well, we're going to move on. I hope so. I thought this was going somewhere. That was it. That was the, that was the climax of that particular hunk. You should be pleased with how that went. All right. Cause I have great, I've listened to some of our last conversations.

11:05This is a home run compared to some of them. Good stuff. Okay. Yeah. And I just want you to know that that's what's happening in the news. And I'm glad you're happy. Right. Your choice. Okay. Your choice. All right. For the person who would lead this nation on health. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is in full agreement with you on most everything. Maybe we could talk about interest rates next. No, no, no. Yeah. You're also an anti-vaxxer, I believe. Just going to get that out there. Anti-vaxxer. And a flat earther, I believe as well. You think if you go too far in Europe looking for a cappuccino, you'll fall off the edge of the earth.

11:40Is that true? And then a dinosaur will eat you.

11:56Jordan, you and I have spent a lot of time together. Yes. And you have certain obsessions. One of them is pronunciation. It's important to you. Yeah. And sometimes your pronunciation of words is quite different than not just me, but what most people would think is the correct pronunciation. Oh, okay. That may be the case. I can't speak for how people interpret the things I say. When you and I were doing the travel show for Max, and we were in Argentina, I said it would be a good idea if we took lessons and learned how to dance the tango. You corrected me and said it's the tango. That's the closest I've ever come to hitting you.

12:40I've slapped you before, but I never struck you with a closed fist. That's the closest I ever came to striking you. You insisted it was the tango. um and it was an insane moment okay and i think if you go online people will realize that you were in the wrong well um you're constantly correcting my pronunciation and i think you're errant uh i decided to bring somebody in who actually knows about linguistics and i believe you're a big fan of his youtube channel i'm talking about luke ranieri oh yes excellent luke ranieri is here and he's going to come in now i think he's being probably oh here he is Hello, Luke.

13:16How are you? I'm great, Kunin. How are you doing? Tell me a little bit about yourself, because I'm not knowledgeable about your YouTube channel. But thank you so much for joining us. Tell us a little bit about how you became fascinated with pronunciation, linguistics. Oh, thanks for having me. Yeah, I just fell in love with Italian and then later Latin. And for whatever reason, I wanted to speak Latin. I would just, for no reason, I was just a weirdo like that. And so wanting to speak an ancient language, I wanted to figure out how it's actually pronounced. And thankfully, lots of people smarter than me wrote lots of books about that.

13:52And so I studied that. And then eventually I started talking about that on YouTube, how to pronounce Latin and ancient Greek in ancient pronunciations. Well, I don't know how familiar you are with my dynamic with Jordan Schlansky, but for many years now, he and I have sort of like the coyote and the roadrunner. We've been at war and we disagree about a lot of things. Jordan is constantly correcting my pronunciation of certain words. There are times where I'm convinced he's wrong. he thought instead of tango the word was tongo I don't know where you weigh in on that one whether it's tango or tongo well in Spanish it's tango but so that's a short ah sound and a short ah can go either towards ah oh I know it could be tango but it's not he was saying tongo the way Tarzan would name a fellow ape hey Tongo come here would you agree that Tongo would be incorrect it could be Tongo a quicker A I accept that but I will not accept Tongo I liked your Spanish pronunciation when you said Tongo that sounded good to me Tongo, si pero es importante que nosotros claro que si oh Dios mio oh Dios mio si, oh yeah yes but okay as for English I think you go a lot of ways okay would you just please agree with me before we proceed that Tongo, T-O-N-G-O with a long...

15:23No, I never spelled it T-O-N-G-O. It's El Tongo. It's El Tongo. I didn't make the word up. I'm only reciting it. Luke. There's no shortage of Spanish-speaking people in this town. Luke. You've got a celebrity here. You've got one of the few men on earth that can currently speak Latin, both classical and ecclesiastical. And you're asking about Spanish. We have 10 people in the building that speak fluent Spanish. Luke. You're wasting this man's time. Would you say tango or would you say tongo? Tongo sounds too much like the Ferengi game from Star Trek Deep Space Nine. Thank you so much. Now, before we continue, I'd like to know how to pronounce your name.

16:01Is it Luke Ranieri or is it Ranieri? What do you prefer? So in English, I do Ranieri. And in Italian, it's Ranieri. I think Ranieri sounds better. I like it fine. Yeah, okay. And how do you go with Luke? Are you Luke? Like Luke. I am your father. That would please my compatriot here who's a big Star Wars fan. It's his religion. Me too. Do you go with Luke or just Luke? I have a brother and I call him Luke. Okay. Yeah. You're not going to divide us. We have a preexisting relationship. Do you understand? You're the odd. I see where you're trying to go with this. I'm going to spoiler alert right now.

16:41He and I are aligned. Oh, really? Have you ever? You guys are aligned. We may have small differences like any human being do. Have you ever danced the tongo together? Yeah.

16:51Well, gentlemen, later we may have a chance to test this with a little bit of a competition. We'll find out later. Okay. Now, there are some words I think you and I have spoken before. You'll often give me what you say is the correct Latin pronunciation of certain words. I do the best I can. Or names like Julius Caesar. We say Julius Caesar. And what do you say, Jordan? Gaius Julius Geiser. He says Gaius Julius Geiser. No, that's not what I said. What did you say? No, I said Gaius Julius Geiser. Okay. And is that correct, Luke? For classical Latin pronunciation, I think that's very good. Now, do you think...

17:35You're not going to win here. I see why you're trying to go. Keep trying. No, but... Now, is it perfect? No, of course not. Is it better than what you're throwing out of that pie hole? Of course it is. So my speaking is hurling things out of a pie hole So what you're saying, Jordan Do you say Jordan? How do you pronounce it? Jordan Jordan? Yeah Oh, I say Julian

18:01Gaius And what do you say for Caesar? Oh, Geiser Geiser Well, that's the classical Latin, of course It's Cesar in the ecclesiastical Latin You should know that you're a Roman Catholic So Cesar Romero is your favorite joker sure okay how about Socrates what do you first of all what do you say Socrates Socrates and what do you say Luke so Socrates is the modern Greek pronunciation Jordan did it perfectly ancient pronunciation it's a classical attic pronunciation Socrates oh you never did that one that actually sounds like if I was getting directions you know in my car do you know what I mean from a from a GPS and you know what I mean?

18:44And it said that I had to take a left on Socrates Boulevard. It would go take a left on Socrates Boulevard. You know what I mean? That's what a little bit. I think most GPS voices are probably programmed to speak in the correct ancient Latin. And that's why it sounds so weird to us. Do you agree with that? I have a real agenda with this man. If we have his time, I have questions. Okay. I know you have bits that you have planned. I'm not doing it. I'd like him to rattle off every astrological sign in Latin. I'd like you to tell me how to pronounce Tyrannosaurus Rex in Latin. I want to know how to say Brontosaurus.

19:18I want to know. Okay, all right. I'll take care of you. I have real questions here. Okay. All right? I think our viewers would care to hear. I'm going to blow past the astrological signs because that's just cheesy, and you're probably going to use that on some dating website. Tyrannosaurus Rex. What would be the correct way to say Tyrannosaurus Rex? Tyrannosaurus Rex with a classical Latin. pronunciation. Wow, that's a real deal breaker for me. I mean, you're talking to a kid. Let's say you're talking to a kid and you just want to say, oh, and let's go to the museum. I don't want to go. I don't want to go.

19:49No, come on. It's really cool. They have a T-Rex there. Oh, cool. I will go to the museum. I love a T-Rex. Jordan, when he's talking to his kids, he's going to say, do you want to come see a turanus or isrix? And the kid's going to go, no, I don't. And so your kids are never going to see a natural history museum in their lives because you're such a freak. Brontosaurus, how do you say it? Brontosaurus. From the word bronte, meaning thunder in Greek, and of course the saurus means a lizard or a reptile. Of course. Yeah. Now, caveat, we have all these Latin words. Is caveat the way to say it? Or is it caveat?

20:34Oh, I say caveat. Caveat. Caveat means may he or she be careful. Watch out, caveat. But the caveat I would bring up is the fact that we have these names from Latin, ancient Greek, other languages, and we've anglicized them like Caesar. And, you know, we can say if we're speaking in Latin, we'll say geysar or geysar potentially. But English, we have these English pronunciations like Caesar and Tyrannosaurus Rex. I mean, I would like to see you go, you know, to an olive garden and ask for a geysar salad and see what you get. You know what I mean? It's not going to happen. OK. So I think sometimes it's off-putting.

21:16I guess that's what I would say to you, Luke. I appreciate your knowledge and I appreciate that someone is making sure they understand the long dead pronunciation of these names. But when Jordan does it in real life, it can feel like a put down and it can be socially a little awkward. Could you see how that would be? Having done that for a long time and then changing my own behavior. Yes, I can understand. So you modified your behavior because you realize I'm not going to say geyser. Geysar, I'm going to say, yeah, well, Caesar was stabbed in the eyes of March by the senators. That's what you would say.

21:55You wouldn't say Geysar, right? Usually talking about history, yeah, Caesar was stabbed by Brutus and Cassius and the rest of the conspirators. So learn that Luke, because he's a human and has lived among humans, has altered his behavior somewhat, even though he is an expert far more than you at all these pronunciations. He has altered his behavior somewhat in order to fit in society better. He has a forum to disperse his knowledge. He has an excellent couple. It's called forum. That's close. He has a couple of YouTube channels where he can talk about these things. This is my forum. Do you understand?

22:36This is my chance. Do you know what I've done here? I've started a dialogue. There are millions of people listening right now that now know how to pronounce Geisa. I don't know about that. And it never even occurred to them before. Right. And they know how to pronounce the real names of dinosaurs. I'd like to cover Greek gods. I want to talk about things like habeas corpus and imploribus unum. We say these words every day, but we don't know where they come from. You're providing a service. So many dates aren't going to happen because you've provided this knowledge. So many guys are going to be at bars and they're going to say, by the way, it's not Caesar.

23:11It's geyser. and then they're going to go to say something else and the girl is gone. In fairness, my fiancee liked me because I was talking about those things. That's how we met. I think she's Italian. He has a beautiful fiance. She is. This man is, I just want you to respect who you're speaking to right now, okay? Can I just say one thing, Luke? This man is like a celebrity. I have no proof. There's no proof here that your fiancee, it could be the old girlfriend in Canada bit. We have no proof that this girlfriend's real. She's probably in the next room. The pictures are right here. Oh, yeah.

23:44Oh, I've got a picture, too. Do you want to see the picture of my girlfriend? Yeah, I've got lots of pictures of my girlfriends from the past. Now, they're going to look a little like supermodels that you've seen, but they were really my girlfriends. Do you know that you're not an Aries? You're an Adias? Uh-huh. I didn't know that. Yeah. I didn't know that. Well, now you learn something new. And for the rest of your life, you'll know you're an Adias. What is your sign? I'm an Adias, too. Yeah. Well, you're April 18th. You should know my birthday. It's five days before yours. I share with Max Weinberg.

24:16I don't know your birthday because I don't want to know your birthday. Maybe after 30 years, it's time that you learn these things. You could have wished me well.

24:28Happy belated birthdays. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. We, well, how would you say, are you familiar with the Karate Kid movies? Absolutely. You know who they starred? They starred Ralph Macchio. how would you pronounce his name I remember it's M-A-C-C-H-I-O right Macchio in Italian it's Macchio Ralph Macchio, Lufarino Lufarino, the Hulk Lufarino, the Hulk but here's where we get into an interesting thing there is how they're known meaning how they are known throughout the world so you could be a huge fan of Ralph Macchio I'm sure even if you pulled Ralph, if a state trooper pulled over a sports car and the plate said karate kid one karate kid two whatever it was a vanity license plate and the thing went down and he said license and registration what's your name sir and it was ralph the star of those films and he said uh he would say i'm ralph macchio he wouldn't say i'm ralph macchio so this is important to me that you're saying what you think it should have been 10 ,000 years ago, but no one calls it that.

25:43I mean, my name is Conan O 'Brien. What would my name have been, you know, 800 years ago in Ireland? I assume it was something like Conan, because I think that's what it is in Irish, Conan. But yeah, that's a right. But O 'Brien would be like O 'Brien. It'd be Gaelic. I don't know. But that is not my name. My name is Conan O 'Brien. That's true. Though if we Latinized your name, it would be Conanus Briennius or something like that, which would sound cool. We like to Latinize our names when we speak because it makes it easier for different parts of the grammar. So we have Conanus Briennius and Jordanus Lanskyus.

26:25You like that? Jordanus Lanskyus? Do you wish that I called you that? No, I like to, I appreciate all these factoids. Many people spend time on the internet watching various things I appreciate spending a couple hours watching Luke and his excellent dissertations about any number of subjects. However, I believe in staying true to one's background, so to speak. So I would want to know more of the Polish-Russian origins of my name and Irish for yours. But yeah, there are so many things I have to ask Luke, but I'll have to save them for another time because it appears you have an agenda of jokes and quips.

26:57So I'll let you take the lead. I'll let you take the lead. And we'll converse offline. Why don't you test us, Luke, why don't you test us on the pronunciations of historical Greek and Roman names? Do you think that's maybe a good test for the both of us? And we'll see. I think that's a great idea. Let's try that. And let's start with what we're going to do. We're going to play a little game. Okay. And you'll both get the chance to steal. Now, let's start with speaking of the assassination of Julius Caesar. Here was one of the men behind it. Now, Kona, we're going to start with you. Why don't you pronounce his whole name or just that?

27:36We'll call it last. Well, he was stabbed by Brutus. And so I'm just going to say it was Brutus. And now you've got to try to do it in a classical Latin pronunciation. Best you can. Marcus Junius. Brutus. Is that it? Not bad. Not bad. Yeah, I just did it the worst way. I did it the stupidest way I could think of. And you said that was pretty close. Now you go for it there, Chimpy. I would go with Marcus Junius Brutus. Okay. I'm going to give that point to Jordan. Okay. So when he said you too, Brutus, he was saying et tu, Brutus? Brute. Brute. Et tu, Brute. So you too, Brutus. Okay. Yeah. That's a lot to get out while you're, I mean, he was bleeding out of, I think, maybe 35 different knife wounds.

28:24And he had to get all that out? Some historians say he didn't say anything. Others said he, in fact, said, he said in Greek, and you, my child, and you, my son. Yeah. And others, et tu brute is another condition. And also there's one account where he just went, what the fuck? What the fuck? Can you imagine if you can go back in time in a time machine and hear everyone, how beautiful is that? Even when he says something like et tu brute. Can you imagine hearing everyone speaking like that, dressed in their togas? I can imagine the togas. Yeah. I do that a lot. Yeah. Okay, continue, sir. All right.

28:57So speaking of Brutus, this was his wife. How is this pronounced in Latin? Jordan, we're going to start with you. Classical Latin. Classical Latin, porcia. And I'd go ecclesiastical, I'd go porcia. I'm going to go porcia. Very nice. I'm going to go porcia. Not bad, but I think I'm going to have to give that point to Jordan. We call her porcia. I see the fixes in. Okay. It means a little piglet. Oh, that's a nice, that's great. That's great. That's some real misogyny there from Brutus. Hey, hey, little piglet, come here. That's nice. Women love it when you call him little piglet. I'm going to go home tonight with my wife and say, hey there, little piglet.

29:40You know, it's even worse because in a way, women in ancient Rome didn't get their own names. The usual name that they were called was just the feminine version of their father's family tribe name. Yep. They wonder why that empire fell and is no more. When you don't treat the women right, the empire crumbles. A word of warning. Well, how about a poet or two? Let's start with this one. First, Conan, can you guess what we call this poet in English? Because it's a little bit different. I'm going to say in English, it's Virgilius. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Virgil. Very good. Yeah. And what can you do your best classical Latin pronunciation, Conan?