David Spade Returns

32:00Oh, that's going to hurt him. He kept falling over and over and he got down to like zero points. But he was a really good skater too. And so it was funny that he could skate well and you go, oh, that's a surprising move. and then when he does any sort of like ballet, he can do these weird moves. All adds to the funny. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he is missed. It must be, I mean, I know that you had an incredibly close relationship with him. I miss him and knew him as like a friend and a guy that I would do things with from time to time. But clearly it was a must, I hope time has made that, I'm sure, an easier thing to handle.

32:42Yeah, I mean, we were all pretty close to them. And so any of that stuff. I remember one time he goes, I don't want to be known as the funny fat guy. I go, would you take the fat funny guy? And he said, it's a little better. But I remember seeing you at another, there's another sad, Norm's Memorial. Yeah. Where something did happen funny. Not the dying part, but there was other stuff that was going on. Right, right. By the way, it was like brought to you by Netflix. It was something because I remember going to talk and there was like a crane shot or something. I'm starting to cry and they're like, push in.

33:19I'm like, is there a camera dolly coming at me? What was that? I spoke. I don't know if I was emceeing it. You can't emcee a funeral. You know what's funny? It always just turns into that. Let's be honest. No, no, no. It's true. It turns into who's doing well. I spoke about him up front and talked about him and then brought other people up on stage. The two things that I remember are Lori Jo is sort of running it or whatever. And I said, Lori Jo, she goes, can you speak? And I said, I'm not good at that. I said, I would do it if I just do it right away up front because I don't want to sit there and rot while thinking of, oh, no.

33:55So she goes, okay. It was like Downey went up, standing ovation. I'm going to bring Conan up, standing ovation. Lori Jo goes then I think you bring her up she gets a standing ovation and then we finally get back to you and you finally go alright we're gonna bring up some friends David's fate and so I walked up and I go well I guess the standing ovation portion is over because I was the first which killed by the way yeah that was a good one I should have gotten off honestly that was the fucking funniest thing that happened and then but when I walked up I fell on those fucking stairs oh and you caught me I think and you grabbed me and I think you fell too yeah I'll tell you I know exactly what happened yeah it's we're in this goofy I don't know what venue we were at, where we were, but you went up, you tripped on the stairs.

34:39I think I did catch you. You don't weigh a lot, so that was easy. It was like catching a packing peanut. 94. Um, 90, I don't know. That's generous, 94. You fell and you started to float and I grabbed you. You're like a balloon. But then I thought, what's wrong with Spain? Why did you trip on that step? So then cut to me. What's wrong with Spain? in spade he can't walk up stairs so then you do your thing i go up to then take the stage again to bring up the next person uh my foot catches on something on the step and i trip and i turned it into like a roll and stood up again and people thought oh conan's doing like physical but then i walked off stage and i said to the guy that step spades tripped on it and i tripped on and the guy went, yeah, that happens a lot.

35:32We should fix that someday. Yeah, he knew. He said we should fix that someday. And I'm like, yeah, what happens when Dame Judi Dench is killed? I mean, the two of us can take a fall. You know, what happens when it's the... It was pretty funny to me that he kept going. Like, it felt like most people trip. And I'm like, well, this isn't an anomaly. Like, with me, I look over and thought he'd be like this. He was like this. Like, yep, another one bites the dust. Yeah. And then he said like, I went into it with him a little bit. I went, what do you mean? And he was like, well, you know, it's higher than the other steps.

36:07Like each other step is exactly four inches. So you're used to like this, this, this, and one tiny. Yeah, and then there's one that's like five and he said, and it's also uneven and it's coming off. And you're like, fix it! And there's also an earthquake. That's not my union. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how many of these funerals you host, but you did a good job. I have, you know, it's weird. I became the funeral guy because I've done a bunch oh boy and and I really fret over them and worry about them because it's it's not just a regular thing you're really trying to think of who was this person and now they're starting to rack up where it's like I've done a bunch too many it's hard you're good at that stuff you're doing the popes I'm doing the popes when I is the popes gonna be in LA looks like can you get me in this is my friends always wanna get tickets to shit can you get me in I just have to tell this one story, which is I have to tell this because it's a Lauren story.

37:02But after 9-11, you know, there was like months and months and months of cleanup. And it was an area that you couldn't go to. But sometimes people went down there and Mike Sweeney ran into Lauren somewhere. And Lauren knew that Mike Sweeney was my head writer. And they're chatting for a little bit. And then Lauren, to be magnanimous, said, have you been down to Ground Zero? And Mike Sweeney went, no I haven't He went, would you like to? And suddenly, Sweeney pictured a velvet rope And you are a Sweeney, but look, yes, yes, right this way And there's the big pit We called ahead, yeah I'll have the veal, and I'd like to be near that part of What I kept saying, which was never working Was I might head down to ground zilch And everyone's like, where am I?

37:49Ground zip, and they're like are you talking about the 9-11 where people died i go no no i'm talking about something else but that was tragic uh but yeah i went down there like a week later because there's a 9-11 benefit where we all flew in and there was a concert yeah yeah i don't want everyone went on and uh they took us down that was one of the perks oh my god it is it was a weird time it was so weird it was such a crazy it was like a humble brag i went down yeah yeah yeah do you get close I got a little souvenir But 9-11, yeah, I know you think it's funny It's not funny But my friends My friends It's noted that you laugh My friends go Sona, what the fuck is wrong with you?

38:35You're a monster, I'm crying We're doing a thing about how it's not funny And then you start laughing It's awful No, it is awful You're young and stuff, but we lived there He said ground zilch Yeah, that was funny. So let's not forget. He said ground. No, let's not forget. Never forget. It means 9-11. Yeah, yeah. Never forget. David Spade called it ground zilch. Never forget. Let's never forget. Never forget. The terrible day. No, that Spade called it ground zilch. You're a monster. Come on. Let me ask you about Norm. Okay. You did stuff on, you were on the road with Norm and a lot of us when Norm passed were shocked and I kept thinking, oh, I must have been the only person that didn't know.

39:21And people all thought, well, Conan, you knew Norm and he does his classic appearances on your show and da, da, da, da, da. And I was like, I know. We were desperately trying to get him back. I desperately wanted Norm on my last episode. We were trying to get him and not getting an answer back. And I thought, well, he just doesn't want to come. And I was bummed about it, but thought he's probably got other things to do. that's too bad get these all-time great guests and then he he dies and i just thought well i didn't know but everyone else must have known and then jim downey called me and said you know more or less conan fuck you for not telling me about norman i said jim i didn't know and he and and jim downey said i would think downey might know no jim didn't know did you know i did not know and i and you were touring with him oh well i'd done some gigs with him and then uh before COVID, me, him and Dennis Miller was our last one together, but great.

40:19Super fun, obviously. And then, um, but, but, you know, we would talk and he, it was more about coming over for dinner. Same thing where he didn't tell me cause he'd go, no, I can't. And then I, he goes, I go, well, it's just me and you sitting 10 feet apart, but something to do. And he's like, yeah, okay, for sure. And then that night I go, where are you? He goes, David, it's COVID. And I go, So you're not coming? We're not supposed to leave the house. I know, but we've talked about this. You're allowed to go places. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, let's do it next week. And then he just did that routine until it was too late.

40:54But I didn't know. So I don't know who knew. I think Gervitz knew and maybe Lojo. I think Gervitz and Lori Jo. I think that's about it. And I think two things about it, and they're diametrically opposed. one is I wish I had known because I would have told him what he meant to me and there's that feeling of feeling I wish I had known and so initially I was mad that I didn't know and then there's the other side which is great respect for him wanting to keep it private and him not wanting people to treat him any differently because he was sick I don't know I so I have both feelings at the same time yeah I feel the same way like I do it was just so overwhelmingly horrible that I just like then I later it took me how it affected me where like it was I was mad at him yeah but I'm by the way just not to lighten up the load the feel here because I know it's getting sad but when we were at the memorial or whatever that special was for norm yeah where we watched we were watching the special remember that we watched his special that's That's why the cameras are there.

42:03That's a separate, that was a thing. Wasn't that at the after memorial we went into the room? You're talking about two different things. No, there was a kind of a eulogy for Norm that I sort of spoke at and brought people up. And then there was a separate thing where Norm had made, he was planning to do a, it was fascinating. He was planning to do an hour and he had an hour together or 50 minutes. And he really had it in his mind. And he knew, I think, I believe, and Laurie Jo would know better. I don't want to speak for her. But I think he was planning to go into the hospital for what he thought was going to be.

42:51Something routine maintenance. Routine maintenance treatment for his condition. So what he did was he said, before I go into the hospital, I want to record. so he recorded using similar technology. Amateur way, like just a - Literally just a camera there. We're doing here is far more sophisticated. And he did from memory his whole 50 minutes and it was really funny and great. He goes into the hospital and he dies. And then Lori Jo found the tape and they thought to round out the special or to give it something else, Let's have you, me, Sandler, Chappelle, Letterman. Who else was there? One more.

43:35Molly? Molly was there. Molly Shannon. Maybe that was it. Might have been it. It was, and had us watch it. We hadn't seen it. Watch it in real time. That part was a little weird because the camera was filming us. Yes. And then talk about it right afterwards. And that part, I mean, I think it came out really well, but I remember being, it was very powerful. to be in a room and have everyone else leave and shut the doors and then suddenly Norm was there. Yeah. And he's being hilarious and we're laughing and loving it. And then it's over. And then I think we just started talking about it. Valteria parts though, because you're just watching him going and then you start drifting your mind going, okay, it's over.

44:17This is right before. And then we talk and then it's funny because we're all talking. And then also we're like, just a weird scene. Yeah. Will that ever be released, do you think? It was. I think it was. Oh, I didn't realize that. Yeah, it was released. I think it's on Netflix. Oh, sorry. Oh, your mistakes get cut out. That's nice. Yes, it won a, no. Can you edit out me laughing at 9-11? No. No? Okay. Because we never forget. It's called Nothing Special. We never forget who thinks it's funny. Yeah. It's called Nothing Special and it won an Emmy. Was it called Nothing Special? What's that? Was it called Nothing Special?

44:55Yeah. This is the thing that you guys are watching is aired. Yes. His material. No, no, no. Just so we're clear. Has he been listening? This is his first podcast. Is he new? He won a contest. Is he a contest he gets to sit in? He's a contest winner. He got to fly in. And he told him not to talk. He loves that I make fun of him. That microphone isn't even real. No, it was, the special was, you see, it plays Norm's special and then you see our reaction to it. So that's the whole, so you see both. Sorry. No, that's okay. Don't be sorry. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. And that's humanity. You should feel terrible about your crimes.

45:29Oh, okay. We should edit that out. You know, at the memorial, the first one with the dolly shots, whatever that one was, that you were falling everywhere. When people die and I'm mourning them, I tend to do a tumbling act. Yeah, you're just kidding. Just to sort of loosen up the crowd. Also, by the way, I think it was like four inches and the next one was like nine inches because everybody, their toe hit that fucking thing I'm still mad about. That step. But I left in between that and then there was like a part two or maybe it was the, I'm confusing him, but I had to come back. Yeah. So I had about, or I just left during it because it was getting too sad.

46:04So I ran out. This is when I went to McDonald's and in the Amazon special, I talk about that exact thing. I went to McDonald's in my suit and was in line. And the crazy guy comes out of the bushes and starts, takes off shirts and smacking. Yes. The guy ordering. Yep. So I go, let's back up, but let's park. I don't, I want to watch. So I went in and that whole thing takes place from the Norm Macdonald thing. I didn't really, okay. So that happened from the Norm thing. That's a real story and it was really happening. And I did get scared when he came in because I thought we were going to get in a fight.

46:39First of all, I want it noted that someone you were very close to a colleague and a cherished person passed away and you were present at the memorial, but walked out halfway through to go to McDonald's. But also. But then something funny happened, which you could use in your special dandelion. No, because I had already done my set. Yeah, you did your set. So then you're out of there. I scored and now it's time for some chicken McNuggets. Oh, yeah. I try to sound real and it's too many comics there and I'm trying to sound like, say nice stories about Norm and everyone's just looking for punchline.

47:12It's such a weird scene because it's all comedians and you're just like, I'm just going to leave here and everyone's going to be like, who did well? You know what I mean? It's like, that's everything. It is, okay, let's talk about this. This is a real phenomenon where a funny person dies. Yes. Who are their friends? Other professionally funny people. We get together when people pass on, when they die, and there's a gathering, people speak, but you've got a room full of people who are competitive about getting up and being funny, and it's a strange phenomenon. These things are weird because you think, Nope, it's not about that.

47:53But there's some part of you that wants to do well. And there's some nerves and some awkwardness. And I think it started, I went to Gary Shandling's funeral. And then everyone was like, Bill Maher did great. I kept going. And then everyone was like - Can I say something? Maher used props. And he had a lot of balloon. He was doing balloon work. Oh, he was? I don't remember that. No, I remember it clearly. And he had a whole trunk like Gallagher or Gallagher 2. That was being filmed too. Yeah. I think Apatow filmed that. Yeah. Has that been released? Oh, I thought Gallagher was, sorry. What's that?

48:25I thought Gallagher. So you guys are here to help. Yeah, I know. She's throwing confusion. I am. You should do Gallagher 3. Do you know what Gallagher 2 is? Gallagher 2 is his brother. Yeah, and he does Gallagher's act. Right, but I think, are they both passed on to their reward? I think Gallagher won. Well, according to this podcast, I'm sure they did. Because everyone's dying so far that we talk about. I know, you guys are talking a lot of death. Well, I'm sorry. It's a lot of death. I'm sorry, we're jinxing everyone. We are two survivors here. You know, Sona, you and Gordy are young people.

48:57You don't know what it's like. We, we have been through the shit. We're like guys that were in war together. We're like in the Titanic. We're just talking about it. We're on SNL together. I don't think that's war. It's a lot like the Titanic, SNL. Yeah. God, we talk about SNL forever. It's so embarrassing, but it is something to talk about. Right? He said doodling. Hey, if you're bored, just let me know. No, I think this is, I actually love talking about this stuff and it's meaningful to me. No, because we were both there. If you want to take a break and go to McDonald's, go ahead and I'll just keep talking.

49:27You can get yourself the McGriddle, whatever it's called. No, I almost got beat up. That's a big story. You're not even concerned. Well, let's hear about it. Oh, I can't.

49:45I very much enjoyed your special. Did you watch it? Yeah, I did. Oh my God. I watched it last night. What are you talking about? When I talk to a friend and they have a special, I, and you know what I liked is that you've got very funny material. You're obviously a very funny comedian, but when you notice something that's just happening in the real moment and fuck around about it, you're one of my favorites. And one of the first things he does in the special is you're talking and I didn't even notice it, but I realized you're kind of doing that thing when there's a long cord. Mic cord. Your mic cord and you're trying to run and you went, by the way, the cordless mic was invented in 1996 guys and it's it it's hilarious and it's not even part of the set that you had planned and then you go on this whole riff about jeff bezos and uh and give me a shitty mic for my fucking special yeah and um i noticed this at the snl 50th and i know i'm bringing snl back into it but for a reason you did a sketch in that and at one point you're not even in the sketch anymore and you ad-libbed a line that was one of my favorite lines of the night that's right you told me that was very nice and and i mean it absolutely was hilarious which is a sketch is going on you take us through it i'm doing a sketch with malaney uh and pete davidson broadway new york musicals so it's kind of a long sketch and it's about the evolution of new york throughout the different eras like starting out in 75 when snl starts out and then a bunch of people saw this me and peter like two young kids and he's telling us the story of how it started yeah yeah and so as we go through it i i don't know if they predicted this but of course i got board during it so they have me they write me in the middle of it i walk in and i sit in the audience you're in the audience so it's all the way people don't really know you like suddenly you're not there but you don't quite clock that and then all of a sudden they just and then he goes listen jimmy uh and then he goes wait pete he just breaks character where's spade and he goes oh i think he went back to the audience and sat in the audience and then they look around and then they have a camera at me and I'm sitting in the audience and they cut to me and I go oh yeah no I got a feel for it so I but and so I asked around and I think that was you was that your line well they gave me a line and it was something like that and then Wally goes I'm not gonna give you a cue card you got it and I go yeah and then when it came to me in rehearsal I said that which was basically something like the line and then right but you said it your way yeah and you were so dismissive and it was so it was so thrown away you're like yeah i gotta feel for it and i you know i laughed very hard a bunch of times that night that might have been my favorite moment thank you that was fun because we did a rehearsal and it worked and then melanie was like just do it like that like whatever it was perfect it was it was fun to be at the 50th and it was fun to be in something because you know we just go and uh i thought lovitz's line was funny oh my god they they didn't love it's is at the american girl store he's sitting so far away so he's you know they have people sitting and he's in the american girl store and what it was his line he's and they go because they have the all stars in the audience but you can't fit everyone and they go where's john lovitz and then they panned the real american girl store he's sitting with all these dolls around him and they go oh john he goes i'm not mad i just want to know why they go sorry john that you're all you're all the way over across the street in the american girls i'm not mad i just want to know why like he doesn't get there's not enough seats he's like we had a crazy night i don't know if you're gonna remember this it wasn't that crazy but we occasionally get dinner together yeah it'll be and when i say we it's you it's dana carvey it's myself it's the same group we always go to the exact same restaurant on la cienega coy love it and it's this thing we do and we'll just sit around and talk and i remember one night we don't it wasn't planned it was a total accident we're leaving the restaurant and we hear hello and it's john lovett's what do we have here what do we have him and his and he is he is always himself and he's always he's one of the funniest people you'll ever meet because he's always himself and whatever he's doing, if he's standing with an attractive woman, he'll say, oh, and this is, you know, this is Jessica.

54:02And then he'll look at me in front of her and say, jealous. He's a walking cartoon character. And he does play the John Lovitz. He doesn't, he does what you want to hear. But we were with him and we're all talking to him. And then I'll, I can't believe this really happened, but we all walk outside the restaurant and Lovitz is standing there and he said, hold on, they're delivering a car for me. And they delivered like an, one of those trucks was delivering a car to him at the restaurant. I don't mean like an Uber. I don't mean, I mean, he was taking possession of a fancy car and looked to me and was like, jealous.

54:43Yeah, I was jealous. As they were lowering a car. You're a Porsche, sir. Yeah, and I thought, who the fuck says yes? Well, yes, I'll take possession of my Bugatti. I'll be over at Coy looking for old friends from Saturday Night Live. Wait till you see me standing with them and then pull up. When you see me standing there and you see them with their shitty cars, make sure you wait and then back up and have the car delivered. And it was a happening. I loved that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Loitz is always a crack up. He has tons of cars. I'm shocked. I like cars. He has way more. He pulls up, do you like it?

55:24You like it. He goes, how can I? Because he goes, you should get a Mustang. And he pulls up this new blown out Mustang. He goes, how can I get you in this car? He's trying to sell it. Yeah, he has always a crack up. Also, you did the Mark Twain. I saw you at the last Mark Twain that I was in, which was the Sandler one. That was a really funny one. Was yours fun too? Yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. It was more fun than I thought it was going to be. I really like showing up for other people. Being talked about, of course. Is it weird? I was dreading and then I loved it. Yeah. Just because everyone was so funny.

56:04Yeah, I just saw the lineup out there on the poster that you signed for yourself or something. But it was on the wall. No other people signed it to me. I don't know exactly what happened. I stood with a marker and I signed Letterman, Mulaney. It's part of your deal. Sign here. I signed everyone else's name on it to pretend. I was with Nikki Glaser in Vegas and she gallantly took a, we did our show. Yep. And she goes, I'm going to miss your set. I'm going straight to the airport. Went straight on the red eye to you. Got it together. I mean, that's a brutal. She killed. And I was just in Vegas yesterday.

56:43and ran, I think drove by seven different signs. Oh, for me and Nikki. Yeah, for you and Nikki. And I adore her. Yeah, she's great. I adore her and I adore you. I love the idea of you two being out there together. And that would be a show. I would love to see that show. Yeah, you'd laugh. It's funny. We just, and like what you're saying earlier, it's like when you do corporate shows, you probably do those when you, Dane and I do a bunch of them. He fucking kills. He's exactly what they want. He, exactly. I'm pretty much what they want when he's exactly what they want. But whenever you do anything, actually any show when I'm on the road, this tour, if you say anything that they don't think is scripted, like that Mike thing, or you say something about this, you make fun of the guy over here with the lights, it always works 10 times better than whatever you're really supposed to say.

57:31It's so funny that it always works that way. One time I was doing this corporate, and this is just a dumb example, but it was like three nights. One night was like Stevie Nicks, me, and then Journey, right? So I'm going backstage. They're like, and don't forget, tomorrow night, we got David Spade coming, but don't forget, tomorrow night, Journey. They would put over the last figure. So I forgot six times before I go on. I go, hey, guys, I don't want to hear one fucking more thing about Journey, okay? We're here tonight. I don't give a fat fuck about Journey and all the contest winners that are in that.

58:02It's not even all real Journey. I'm ready to break it. But I said, we're here, and I'm here, and it's going to suck, and we're going to get through it. And then you get your precious Journey. and then that works better than the whole other. Anything like that. Anything else you've got. And then I go, anyway, dogs are funny, and they're like, no, no, no. Boo. Oh, I smell your act. Go back to Journey. Yeah. You really got it with that Journey thing. Say shit about anything else. David, I've kept you here long enough. God, that did go fast, Conan. I have to say, we did a good job. It was nice and fun, and you were great.

58:39I think I did a good job. You did a great job. You were all over the map I think Sona and I Did the best work here Yeah I think me and Matt In your own way I think you guys killed it We learned about Building 7 over there Jesus Christ Oh my god Yeah Building 7 So To end on a positive note Pearl Harbor Yeah There we go He's back Sona doesn't know What you're talking about David Yes On a serious note I've known you I wanna I don't know I think it was 1989 something like that 1990 i can't remember it's a long time i've known you a really long time and uh i'm always really happy to see you and thank you you are a uh deeply funny person and also a sweet gentleman i've always known you to be that that sweet rumor i hopefully hopefully it's sticking around yeah we're getting it we're getting the word out there it's not trending well people aren't buying it but there's a lot of pushback on it but David Spade Dandelion is available to stream on Prime Video I watched it last night very nice it's really funny and that's it you're a good man on the road come see me I know your friend tell your friend Adam I said hello actually someone said there's a house over there by you guys I don't even know where you live exactly but we keep it that way Didn't it get close to you?

1:00:05Yeah. You can take this out. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's fine. The fire's got... Sandler and I live very close to each other. I lived closer to the fire than Sandler. But can you still live there? You cannot. Yes, I can. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah. We're gob... I'm very lucky. We were very fortunate that our house was close and we had to move out of it for a couple of months, but it was just smoke damage. Sorry to bring that up. But yeah, I'm glad yours is okay. So you saw us getting out with some good sentiment and some good feeling and you brought up the fires. Yeah. I said quickly, I was racking my brain, chat GBT, what's the saddest thing that's happened recently?

1:00:46Three fires in lots and a lots. And it goes, this show's over. I wouldn't bring it up. I go, no. So wait, so chat GBT knew that it was a mistake. Oh, no. They know everything. I would have ended on the journey bit. Yeah. That really killed. I thought you had timing. You're proving. Yeah. All right, David. I hope I see you real soon. Yeah. Give me about 100 yards ahead of you, and then you take off. Yeah. All right. Thanks. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow.

1:01:27Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

1:01:35Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts And you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.