Deon Cole Returns

28:51And it wasn't just happening just on stage. It was just like in real life, too. That was just fun, you know? I mean, one day he came to work, and there was a Bentley in his parking space. And he was like, who the fuck has a Bentley that works for me?

29:10I'm looking out the window. Hey, get away from my Bentley. Hey, lady. I just got, hey, lady, get away from that Bentley. I just watched that motherfucker. I remember that so well. Oh my God. Remember that so well. Looking out the window, Andy Richter doesn't have a Bentley.

29:32He's driving a Volkswagen thing from 1975. Wearing leather pants. Yeah, leather pants. Just about to give them away. Man, these things stink. I know, Conan's birthday's coming up. Let's give him the comedy. I could get these cleaned or I could wrap it up in a J. Crew box and give them to Conan. He'll see stupid enough. He'll wear them. You know, it's crazy to me. It was so funny, man. We talk about these differences, obviously me crazy to white, sickly white Irish Catholic from Boston mass you from South side, Chicago. And there are differences between, I'm always amazed by this. humans will always find a way to have an attitude about someone else, even if it's you're on the South side of Chicago and you, and you say there's like a chasm between the South side and the North side.

30:29And I'm wondering what's that all about? Man, I have no idea, man. It's just Chicago is one of the most segregated cities still is to this day. The Irish is Irish on their side, Hispanics on their side, Asians on their side. It's really bizarre when you go to Chicago right now. You go, why is it still like this? But it really is. And it's always been that way. But with stand-up in Chicago, I just never wanted to stay on the South Side. I just always wanted to hit every area in the city to see if it worked. Because I just always felt like, and I feel this way towards barbers who do hair. I'd be like, why would you just do black hair?

31:12Why don't you just do our hair? You're a barber. Why would you only do white hair? Do all hair. Because if you're a barber, be a barber, right? Learn everybody's hair. Have some curiosity, yeah. Do everybody's hair. And I felt that way with jokes. I felt like, if I'm a comic, I'm not a black comic. I'm a comic. So go work out all these, go to all these parts of the city and do it. So it worked in my favor, in a sense. Did you have friends that say, why are you going up to the north side? It'd be crazy. I had friends in each part. nobody hung out with each other but I would go up north and be with all my white friends and we'd do sets and then I leave and I'll go over to the Hispanic part and I got my Hispanic comedian friends and I'll perform them and my Asian friends I would just go around the city and so I just always you know had a good relationship with everybody you know and so and I and I thought that way when I wrote.

32:08I felt like, I don't want to write this and then have to rewrite it. So let me just do it this one time and hopefully it'll work with everybody. And it could be hood enough, but smart, smart enough as well that everybody can get it. And to this day, I just try to write like that where it takes, it takes me two years to write a special when a lot of people only, it takes them one, one year. I only can, I only can do it every two years well first of all to be fair to you you're busy doing a lot of other stuff i mean yeah you've got it's not your only gig you've got you've uh but how do you write do you write on stage or do you like sit down no i i have to live i have to live i have to put myself in situations i wouldn't normally be in in order to like find something funny you know so when you do a bit about murdering a stranger yeah i either know someone who did it i either know someone who just murdered someone or i thought about it no but i go i go like i was just at nascar like probably about eight months ago i was there and just at nascar just soaking it in like i was in the pitmasters and all that shit and I was sitting there, I didn't know what the fuck was going on, but I just noticed the car just kept going around in circles.

33:35And everybody had beers and shit and outfits and checkered pants. I still don't know what the checkered shit is about. But it was like, oh, it's checkered shit. How did you, wait a minute. But we had a good goddamn time. I know, but someone didn't anesthetize you, knock you out and take you to NASCAR. You chose to go there. I chose to go. Who invited you to NASCAR? Yo, NASCAR. Oh, okay. that's a man? Mascar was like, hey, you want to come to this car? Lewis J. Mascar. So they invited you. Did you perform there or no? I think a lot of people was like, fuck no. And I was like, hell yeah, let me go.

34:11I didn't perform nothing. I just went. I went to the writers meeting, the drivers meeting before. I sat there with them. I went. They had like a red, I'm going to tell you how white it was there. They had this red carpet and I walked the red carpet and no one, no one even looked at me. And I was, it was one black lady with an iPhone that took a picture of me. It was all these photographers with real cameras. It was just one black lady like, I love your Old Spice commercials. Click. I was like, thank you. I'm wearing Old Spice now because of you. I walk up, nobody saying nothing to me. But then everybody else came up.

34:56They was screaming everybody in their name. Like, that's how it was. But we had so much fun, man. Out the wild, we was just, like, having fun and joking about the shit. And people started finding out that I was a comedian. They were finding out that I was a comedian. They was like, hey, what you do? And I was like, oh, jokes. Oh, I like jokes. Come on. And we hung out, and they grilled. And shit, we just fucking kicked it, man. And I was like, man, I like this. And I left with a hot five minutes on NASCAR.

35:28You know what's really fun? I went to all the black clubs. Anybody go NASCAR? Nothing. Nothing. Silence. Crickets. Silence. Yeah. Silence. This is the problem is if you go too far into exploring other worlds, you'd be like, so I'm in Bermuda and I'm buying Madras shorts. You guys with me? Hey, where's everyone going? it you still gotta take you know you got you don't want to go too far you gotta read the room man and that's the problem but i still have the material and i and i'm gonna use it one day no but i have to man i have to do that's how i write man i have to i have to like do things i normally want to do or just or listen i like to listen a lot like a lot of people might think i talk a lot i go in a room full of people i'm quiet i'm just listening to everybody's story and everything you know i'm just trying to find funny in it.

36:26Yeah. You know, and that's just it, you know. Conan's like that too, Conan. I remember, what happened that time? I think somehow I went to the hospital. He was like, let's film it. Sure. You know, some people would wait to see how serious is it. And I'm like, well, before we do that, let's make sure we get it on, let's make sure we monetize whatever's happening to Dion. Right? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, I remember. They kicked me off the lot and I had to park it and shit. I remember that. Yeah, you remember that? Say what happened. I didn't even know this could happen. But every time you park illegally on the lot, they give you a warning.

37:09And I think everyone at some point got a warning. But Dion got so many warnings that they didn't let him park on the lot anymore. They revoked his parking privileges. So you had to park, I think, down the street. down the street and walk into the lot. You're parking a Bentley at a meter? You really had a Bentley? Yes! Yes! It was beautiful! It was gorgeous! It's the only Bentley I've ever seen. It was white, it was convertible. I've never, yeah, it was beautiful. I've never written, I've never in my whole life ridden in a Bentley and I asked Dion and he said no.

37:47No! He said, I want your leather pants stinking up. I used to park in this it was a parking space on one of the brothers and the parking space say Bruce Willis and I parked there I parked there every day cause I'm like I ain't no motherfucking Bruce Willis parking in here and it seems like it could be him I parked there for like like seven months nobody said nothing right in front right there in front I was like nothing and then one day they tripped out and was like you can't park in Bruce Willis Bruce Willis ain't parking here So the one day he does And he pulls up in a white Bentley And they beat him So you were here already Oh my god She got kicked off the lot Yeah and then we did this bit where you let me park on the stage Yeah And we had to rent a car And I pulled on the stage And the car stayed there the whole show And then at the end, I got my guy.

38:54You know what's fun is I remember you started doing stuff on our show and then you started getting friendly with celebrities and it was just fun. And you'd be telling me about how you were hanging out with some incredibly cool person. And I'd be like, they've never reached out to me.

39:18And I don't blame them. They shouldn't. But it's really fun when you talk in your comedy. Sometimes you'll talk about some of the people you hang out with. And it's really fun. Because, again, I'm living vicariously through you. You're having all these crazy adventures. You're out there meeting these different women. You're out there going to these parties. Yes, but. I love how I say parties. I know. these parties where people apparently congregate and have liquor and libations I feel like you're gonna sentence a witch to death I'm sorry there'll be no parties on my time no but the people I used to meet with you was like I remember I didn't know all these great people I met with him and shit I remember one day I was telling my guy I was like, yeah.

40:14I was like, we was on tour. How was the show? I was like, yeah, it was cool. This motherfucking name, Neil Diamond, showed up. And he was, you know, he was cool. He was cool. Neil was cool as shit. Not even knowing the magnitude of Neil Diamond. Just like, yeah, Eddie Vedder. That nigga, that nigga Eddie Vedder. All right, man. We was, we was, it was like Eddie Vedder, yo. Eddie Vedder came and you had no idea. Who is that? This is Eddie Vedder. And you're like, oh, well, is this your accountant? Yes, it's my accountant, Eddie Vedder. Bro, we was kicking it. Like, kicking it. They wasn't on their name shit.

40:51Right, right. They was just cool motherfuckers not even knowing the magnitude, who they was until later. You know what I mean? Then going, oh, shit. Yo, that's that motherfucker I was eating cake with.

41:07That Neil Diamond, me and he was eating cake. I swear we ate cake on the same plate. Like straight up. I don't think you're thinking of Neil Diamond. I think it's Neil Young. Neil Young! Oh, Neil Young! Neil Young! Oh my God, even better. I fucked the name up. Neil Young! We knew it was a Neil, Neil something. It was Neil Armstrong. So Neil Sadaka's is Conan's main hang. What? Neil Sadaka? Neil Young, Neil Young. Because I kept thinking, wait a minute, Neil Diamond was hanging out on our tour and I didn't get to meet him? Sweet Caroline. La la la. Oh shit. That was Neil Young. Neil Young. Yeah.

41:52That's who I ate cake with. Neil Young, yeah. And everybody, I feel like everyone bonded with you too. Like you met everybody. Everybody loved. And everyone's phone numbers. Yeah. Everybody loved you and then later on you'd be at these parties and you'd be sending me crazy pictures of you with like the biggest stars in the world. And I'd be like, oh, did you mention me to Beyonce? No, asshole, I didn't. Oh, shit. You should have just dropped my name. You should have just told Beyonce I said hi. She probably loves my stuff from the early 90s. We really broke the fourth wall. Didn't happen so much.

42:40He really broke the fourth wall. Like, that's cool, right? Right. The sketch was one idea, but then it became another idea. It was sort of meta. That's what's going to win her over, too. Oh, he did? No, he did. Okay. The fourth wall? Oh, shit. Give me his number. Fourth wall breaker. Fourth wall breaker. Never saw Jay-Z. break the fourth wall with some meta comedy? Then Jay-Z's really jealous of me. What's that shit you're doing with comedy? Your whole monologue is breaking the fourth wall. I know. I know. I know. I know. And every talk show host for 50 years has just been breaking the fourth wall.

43:28Yeah, exactly. Nope, just me. Just me. It's driving Jay-Z crazy at night. Tossing and turning. He tries to relax in his plane made of diamonds that can't even take off because it's made of diamonds. Goddamn that Conan! This weird fourth wall breaking comedy! Oh man, that's hilarious. Now how do you like now, because you're doing this show, average show, it's on BET, and now you're the guy you're the number you're the you're the first name on the call sheet so that's great that's what everybody wants but there's shit that comes with that right yeah man i when we was first doing it um it's on it's on it's on netflix now the uh average joe's on netflix when we when we first started doing it it was the first time i was number one on the call sheet so So I went down to shoot, still doing stand-up, still doing whatever I do, and still thinking I could.

44:38And I was so miserable because nobody told me that I couldn't do that no more. I'm walking around with four one-hour scripts every day because we were doing like two episodes every two weeks. So I'll be doing the two episodes that I'm shooting, and then I have to study for the two that's coming up. So it was like four one-hour scripts that I had to study all the time. It was so brutal. And it was like, oh, God, didn't nobody tell me I can't do stand-up no more. I can't do nothing no more. And I was like still trying to do it, and it wasn't working. And I just was like, you just have to like submit and be like, all right, fine, forget it.

45:18Because don't nobody teach you how to be the first on the college. You just jump into it, you know. And yeah, a lot comes with that. I learned to just let everything go knowing when I'm shooting it's about that, that only and can't do nothing else or whatever it's funny to me because I noticed on your special, I noticed that when you walk in here you I mean, how many years have we known each other now? Has it been 15 years maybe? I think it's been 2009 you were on the show 2009 anyway, you look you don't look he doesn't you don't look any different to me you really don't and and you really don't and and it's funny because you talk in the special a lot about aging and you're really funny about it and you talk about it in this very honest way but it's hilarious and i after i watched the special i thought aging's really on dion's mind and then i thought you look like a young man you're you know and then i thought if you're thinking that much about aging i really need to

46:28and i'm not thinking that much about it it's like shit you know man you man i have because i've been thinking more about like you know like just legacy type stuff where you just like man i'm getting older what am i what am i gonna keep doing this? Am I going to keep eating chicken fingers in the back of the club at night? Am I still going to ride home with four comics in the car? Like, am I, everybody's pitching ideas. Like, am I going to keep doing, like, what am I, what am I going to do? You know? And so every year, it's just, it's just, it's this process that I go through in my mind and try to figure out where I'm at, you know, not to go.

47:14I'm getting older. I can't wear, you know, turquoise no more, you know. I don't think that's true. Haven't you seen the gold in this? Yeah. I can't wear bright colors no more. That's not true. That's not. I don't think that's true. I don't like old people in bright colors. Okay, well, that's different. That's different. Hot pinks, Miami Vice shirt. No, I can't. I'm done with them days. That's one thing. I said I didn't want to give anything away, but I can't help it. There's a part where you're talking about how your body's changed. You said you had an orgasm and only wind came out.

48:06And I thought, shit. And he's just like, okay, I don't think that's true, but it's really such a funny image. It's such a funny image. It's really kind of close. You said it and you were like, yeah, I think it's those vitamins I'm taking. Oh my God. I was like crying when you said that. And I'm like, again, I'm just saying watch the special because that's just, there's so many little nuggets in there but that image, I'm going to tease people with that image. You should put a little reed down there so it whistles. Yeah, makes a little sound. Maybe if you can sustain the orgasm and with a little manipulation, a little...

48:52Like you're playing a saw. Can you get some notes out of it? Oh, my God. That's crazy. Oh, my God. My cheeks hurt. That's funny that you got that as people would say to you, you're crazy. And that's what I would get. And then this is what we do. It's fun. It's fun. I think there might be. I always go back to my dad who did say, I think there's something wrong with you, but it seems to be making money. And he's like a doctor. And he didn't say it to be funny. He was like, yeah, no, something wrong with you. but keep going because it's taking care of some shit I think we're the only occupation where insults are actually compliments you know you crazy motherfucker thanks a lot I really appreciate that you piece of shit thank you you pedophile hey you bought me in the role thank you You must think I'm a fantastic actor Pedophile, thank you Glad you saw it I've never seen the movie, sir Glad you saw it Oh, oh, oh

50:18You pedophile Well, you know what? God damn it I Love, love hanging with you Always have It was such a lucky day The day our paths crossed and uh i just keep watching you killing it left and right and uh i'm so happy for you i really am nothing but joy some envy some anger because i and i swear to god someday uh we should you should take me somewhere and we should where i don't belong where you do belong and where i don't belong and we should film it you know we should definitely do that because you have to see me at a club we gotta go someplace you gotta go where are we i don't belong and then just see what happens i think we'd have a lot of fun with it man let's do it definitely man i appreciate you man and i'll tell you man i'm telling i learned so much from you and i thank you man you you this is going to sound really weird, but you got to watch who around you, man.

51:28You give a lot of people a lot of stuff and they run off with it and they go become uber famous. But I don't think you can, how can I say it? You can't help but give what you give. You know, because you... I'm happy for... You have, because the way I'm thinking about it, you can't help but give what you give. And what you're giving... I think people should give you way more credit for it. And there's a lot of yous out there, man. And I see it all the time. But this is such a thankless business we're in. But I want to let you know, anytime I see that shit, I expose it. And I let them know. Oh. You.

52:10No, I do. I'll be like this. I'll be like, man, that's Conan. I'll be like, yeah, Conan do that, right? I'll be like, yeah, Conan do that, right? And they'll be like, yeah, yeah. I'll be like, yeah, yeah. Do you ever shout them out about that shit? Shout them out. shut him out like yo but but but but no i honestly i honestly i honestly think that you know i don't i i think about all the people i grew up watching and how much of them they're in my dna they're in my bones and uh i just think we all we all do that so there's no going around trying to i i i'm just I'm just happy. I'm so happy when people that I think have a real gift like yourself, people who I really love and care about, go out there and do their thing in an uncompromising way and kill it.

53:02I'm just happy. That just makes me happy. And you made a great point. I just want people to know that you are the reason why they are the way they are. And I just, I'm big on that. I'm big on giving back and just acknowledging. I'm big on that. Because that's how people live. You live through me, you live through other people, but I acknowledge it. You know what I mean? And I want everybody just to acknowledge you, man. And that's it, because you've changed the game on several occasions, and you still are. And you know what you're doing, brother. We're getting out there, because I don't know what to say.

53:42No, for real, you are, brother. You're so uncomfortable. No. You know what, never? Am I telling the truth, though? You are, you know, you are. Like, for real. We're all nodding our head, because we... Well, you know what never caught on? The hair. I would love it If no matter what community you went into What ethnicity They all had The kooky hair I don't care Like I just saw this Jamaican comic last night Big red ice cream pompadour on his head He's doing the string dance That shit never caught on And I'm pissed Alright I love you I want to see you again soon And we're going to a club Let's do it I'm with it

54:34Okay, guys. I got something. You got something there? The other day, my wife was messing around with ChatGPT. Actually, the way that sounds, she's having an affair with ChatGPT. I saw your wife and ChatGPT at a restaurant and they were very cozy. I know. Yeah. They were canoodling. I got a lot of texts. Yeah. But it made me think, let's see what AI thinks we are, the three of us. Oh. That's a good idea. I said, I want you to do a little scripted segment like we normally do for the intro or the segment of a show. Sure. And so we're going to read those now as ourselves. Oh, how fun. Let's do it.

55:11All right. And you know what? I'm betting this is a, because chat GBT has become very sophisticated. Here's what it says. This may be a viable way to do the show from now on if it's close enough to reality. Okay. AI says, here's a playful podcast segment featuring banter between Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley, capturing their dynamic from Conan O 'Brien needs a friend. This is so far fantastic. Yeah. Upbeat music fades out. Action. All right, we're back. I'm here with my assistant, Sonam Obsessian, who, let's face it, barely qualifies as an assistant at this point. Jesus. That's good.

55:43Oh, we're starting like this today? Okay, great. It says laughs. It says laughs. Laughs, yeah. And we've got Matt Gorley, who I'm not sure what you do exactly, Matt, but you're here and that's enough for me. That's really all anyone can ask of me, Conan. I'm like a houseplant, low maintenance, but occasionally you wonder why I'm still here. Right. A houseplant that somehow manages to insult me every episode. It's a delicate art, like bonsai. Wait, hold on. Conan, are you complaining about someone insulting you? You? Mr. I-never-go-more-than-10-seconds-without-roasting-someone? Well, Sona, it's different when I do it.

56:19I'm a master of the form. It's like Michelangelo chiseling David. When Matt does it, it's more like dot, dot, dot, someone trying to fix a broken lawnmower with a fork. Wow, I can actually picture that. Just jam the fork into the carburetor and hope for the best. This metaphor has already gone off the rails, but now I'm invested in Matt's lawnmower repair business. Matt, would you wear coveralls with your name embroidered on them? Oh, absolutely. And they'd be oddly clean for someone who fixes lawnmowers. Okay, okay. We need to focus. When did I become the angry dad in a sitcom? I think because you say that often before you introduce the guest.

56:58Okay, we need to focus. Can we talk about something that matters? Like how I think I would make a phenomenal Disney prince? What? No. This is the kind of fantasy we're really diving into today, huh? Yes, I've thought about it. Imagine me in a forest, maybe singing, birds landing on my shoulders. The birds would immediately fly away. And probably sue you for emotional distress. This is why I can't have a real conversation with you two. I'm just trying to picture myself in a soft velvet tunic crooning to a doe-eyed woodland creature, and you're ruining it. Listen, if a woodland creature saw you coming, it would just pretend to be a rock until you left.

57:35That's pretty good. You know what? Forget it. I'm going to write my own animated film where I'm the prince and you two are cursed objects that follow me around but can't speak. Great. I'd love to play an old broken lawnmower. It seems fitting. I'll be a fork. Perfect. Now that's a movie. End. You know what I'm going to say? This is usable. It's not too far off. No. I mean, they got our dynamic right, which is that I am clearly, ChatGPT knows that I'm an egomaniac. Yeah. Yeah. I need to be in control. I have crazy flights of fancy, and that you two are kind of quizzical about my lyrical and verbal misadventures.

58:18Right. The great thing about this is that you can go back and do revisions using tweaks, and I made a tweak, something that you and I have long been wanting on this show. So not hear what it is and just guess what it is later? Yeah. Okay. Upbeat music fades out. All right, we're back, and today I'm going to do something a little different. No jokes, no roasts. Roasts. Just straight-up sincerity. Hold on, is this a trap? Yeah, Conan being nice, I'm suspicious. I assure you, it's not a trap. I just want to take a moment to say how truly amazing you both are. Wow, this is unexpected. Did you hit your head on something?

58:50No, no head injuries, just a genuine appreciation. Sona, you are the most indispensable part of this show. Your wit, your timing, and even your ability to keep me in check, it's all invaluable. Oh, okay, now I'm really suspicious. Are you planning to fire us and need to soften the blow? You don't talk that way. No, no, I mean it. You're the glue that holds everything together. The fact that you handle all the chaos with such grace and humor is nothing short of remarkable. I'm feeling pretty good about this, but I'll wait for the other shoe to drop. And Matt, let me tell you, your creativity and humor are beyond impressive.

59:23You bring such a unique energy to this show. Your ability to turn a simple conversation into something special is a rare talent. Thanks, Conan. I don't think I've ever heard you speak like this before. I'm almost waiting for a punchline. There's no punchline. I promise. You're both incredible at what you do. Matt, your insights and quick wit elevate every conversation. And Sona, your ability to keep everything grounded and running smoothly is unmatched. And let's not forget, while we do have our moments of roasting each other, it's all part of what makes this show work. Your contributions are crucial to our success.

59:56I guess this is a nice change of pace. I'm almost feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Me too. Almost makes me want to give you a hug, Conan. Ha ha ha ha! Easy there. No hugging required. I just wanted to make sure you both know how much I appreciate you. This is a team effort, and I couldn't do it without you. Now let's get back to doing what we do best, having fun and making people laugh. And who knows, maybe next time I'll try to be nice again. We'll hold you to that. Absolutely. And if not, we'll just keep roasting you until you come around. Ha ha ha ha ha. Deal. Now let's get back to the show. Yay!

1:00:33That was a good edit, Matt. Yeah. Thank you. That was the best. That was awful. Did it hurt you to say that stuff? Oh, no, no, not at all. You know, I love you both. But it is funny. It's because chat GPT does pick up on the intent and the rhythm. And then, but it's that thing I've always said. It's an alien who's seen pictures of hamburgers only and then made a hamburger and you bite into it. And you're like, there's something very wrong here. And the alien would say, no, it is hamburger. Just as I have seen it in over 10 billion images. I know it just doesn't. Quiet, human! Tis hamburger! Wait, why are you using Elizabethan language if you're an alien?

1:01:15Elizabethan alien! We got one more with just a final tweak. Nothing too important. I'm actually really enjoying these a lot. I think they're really fun. Upbeat music fades out and action. All right, welcome back to the show. Today we're diving into two of the most iconic franchises in cinema history, James Bond and Star Wars. Okay. Oh, fuck you. I've got Sonom Obsessian and Matt Corley here, and we're about to geek out over some classic favorites. Oh, I'm so ready for this. I mean, who doesn't love James Bond and Star Wars? They're practically the definition of cool. I've been a Bond fan since I was a kid.

1:01:50There's something so thrilling about those high-stakes missions and the gadget. And don't get me started on Star Wars. It's a galaxy far, far away. And that's just endlessly fascinating. By the way, that sound you hear is Chachi PT shooting itself. I can't take it. This is bullshit. Right. I think the cool factor is the big draw for both. Bond suave style and Star Wars epic space adventures. It's like the ultimate mix of sophistication and imagination. Absolutely. I've always admired how Bond manages to look so effortlessly classy while driving an Aston Martin off a cliff. And then, of course, Star Wars gives us the Millennium Falcon and lightsaber duels.

1:02:29It's a great balance. Speaking of gadgets, remember when Bond had that watch with a laser in it? I wanted one so badly. And then you've got Star Wars with droids like R2-D2 and BB-8. Those are gadgets I'd really love to have. Yeah, the idea of having a droid do your bidding sounds amazing. Imagine having R2-D2 just follow you around, handling all the annoying tasks. Just imagine a crossover. James Bond in space fighting off the Empire with a martini in it. He'd definitely have some clever gadgets to disable the Death Star's laser while wearing a perfectly tailored suit. No need to thank me, just saving the galaxy in style.

1:03:03Oh my God, does this keep going? While we're at it, let's have a scene where Bond teams up with Han Solo. They could have a high-speed chase through an asteroid field with Bond's gadgets and Han's piloting skills. I'm already sold. Oh my God, there's a full page left. I'm already sold. Bond and Han Solo, the ultimate dynamic duo. And don't forget Chewbacca and Q could make a great team too. Chewie, this is Q. I've got some gadgets that will make your Wookiee roar. And what about adding a little Star Wars flair to Bond's arsenal? Sona, why are you still trying? A lightsaber watch, perhaps, or a droid that's also a master of disguise.

1:03:38Ha ha ha, this crossover is getting better by the minute. I'm just imagining the new catchphrase, Bond, Star Wars, Bond. Perfect. It's got everything. Action, adventure, and a touch of intergalactic sophistication. And the best part is we get to imagine all these epic scenarios while watching our favorite movies. It's like the ultimate fan fantasy. Absolutely. Whether it's Bond's world of espionage or Star Wars epic space battles, we're lucky to have such amazing universes to dive into. Here's to many more years of thrilling adventure. Cheers. A crossover. A James Bond Star Wars crossover. I didn't ask it for that.

1:04:17Did you put into chat GPT, go way too long? I edited this down, believe it or not. You edited this down? I did, yeah. I didn't change any wording, but I edited it down. Oh, man. Oh, my God. That was awful. Oh, my God. I think I just asked, what if Sona, Matt, and Conan discussed James Bond and Star Wars as if they all liked it? I have a question. AI is going to get very good at simulating our voices soon. They already have. Yeah, it's already good. It's done. Okay. Yeah. So, what are we doing here? Well, this is the content you're going to get. You're okay with that? No, not that. But, I mean, the first, no, the content isn't there yet.

1:04:53But what are we, a year away? When are we all being replaced? I'm sorry. When are you all being replaced? And I, as soon as you're ready, get all the money. Do we get the check? Wait, we don't even get the paycheck? No, you get nothing. But it's our likeness. Well, I don't know. You got to cough up. No, didn't Scarlett O 'Hara. Scarlett O 'Hara. Where's this going? Jesus, where is that going? Scarlett O 'Hara. Huh? Where is that headed? Where did that go? Didn't Scarlett Johansson like win a lawsuit? Johansson? Johansson. I've been up all night. My daughter had me up all night. Didn't Scarlett.

1:05:28Joe Hanson. Are you okay? Oh my God. This is the part ChatGPT can't recreate. He's broken. Human breaks. Yes. Humans. ChatGPT doesn't understand. Yeah, I turned a computer on at five in the morning. It doesn't give a shit. It just does its job. Didn't she win some court battle where they couldn't use her voice in AI? It's just her voice, but they said yes to everything else. Really? Yeah. Us? No, I'm lying. Oh. I'm so good. What court would say it's okay, you can't use Scarlett Johansson, but you can use everyone else? Yeah. No, that would actually be my dream, is I just do nothing, and then you have to send me a check.

1:06:06Dream achieved.

1:06:10Mission accomplished, Banner. I did. Four decades now. I love Sona. If there was only some way I could give very little and still make money, oh boy, maybe tomorrow. All right, everybody. There you go. That's a sad look at the future. A sad, chilling look at the future. Our overlords. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

1:06:54Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan.

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