Don’t Look A Gift Horse Meat In The Mouth Yet Again

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Oh, ah! Hi, ASEA, you've caught us at an odd time. Welcome to the show. Hello, ASEA. Hi, oh my God, I can't believe this. Now, ASEA, normally on Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan podcast, I say it's nice to meet you. But I must tell everyone we have already met. I was shooting my travel show in Austria when suddenly I was accosted by a young woman who approached me. You accosted me. And I love using that word. I was accosted. You came up to me on the street. You saw me shooting and you walked right up to me and we had a quick conversation, which, by the way, made it into, I believe, the Austria show.

0:58I saw it on a trailer. I mean, the short episode of it. And I was amazed, really. But yeah, I didn't think that you would really make to the show. And I was really so shocked. But I can't believe that I talked to you again and I see you again. Yeah, well, first of all, let's paint the picture. I was in Vienna and I was standing on the street with a camera crew. And what made you come over? Did you know what we were doing? Did you see me or did you just come over to investigate? Okay, so the story is a bit strange. I was on my way back home, but I had this strong intuition that I want some chicken sandwich.

1:38And there is a very good store or shop right next to the spot where you were with Jordan. And I was like, am I that hungry really to walk there? But my intuition was so strong, like, go there, go and get your chicken sandwich. And I was like, OK. And I was on my way. And then I was like, something weird is happening because that's the street I walk on every day to get to my work. And it was a bit loud. And it's so unusual to Vienna. And I'm like, okay, what's going on? And then I see you. And I was stunned, really. I was like, that's not possible. So it was such a surreal experience. Well, you know, I love that you, Asiya, you portray this as this instinct or this karma drew you to me.

2:29It was a chicken sandwich. That's how I got this job. Yeah, exactly. What I do, what I'm going to do from now on when I travel to other countries is just stand next to the chicken sandwich store. But Asiya, it was really fun to meet you. And I could tell right away you've got a great personality. And you told me that you're from Kazakhstan. Is that right? Exactly. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And so you are a representative of Kazakhstan. I've never been to Kazakhstan. And, you know, I like to travel. I like to find out about other countries. Were I to go to Kazakhstan and you were to show me around, first of all, what would be your mission?

3:12What would you want to show me? What would you want me to learn about Kazakhstan? so yeah um actually Kazakhstan is the ninth largest country in the world so it's pretty big and it's very important really to pick a certain region or certain city and I originally come from Almaty so it used to be a capital but not anymore and Almaty actually has beautiful beautiful nature So mountains and lakes, and it's really mesmerizing, the nature. So I would really invite you to Almaty to visit this city first. It's very beautiful. Are there stereotypes about Kazakhstan that you would want to correct? Oh, yeah.

4:03Probably, you know, the Borat movie. so um it's it's a pretty a triggering topic for us um i know yeah there is a specific irony behind the movie and then um specific i would say type of humor and so on but as a citizen of kazakhstan it's um a bit sensitive topic for us do you think the borat movie he's clearly you know he's he's He's not pretending to depict the actual Kazakhstan, but it upsets the people in Kazakhstan that that's how it's portrayed in the movie Borat. But this is you. So you know that, OK, that's not real Kazakhstan. But I met a lot of people who actually think that that's Kazakhstan.

4:50And I'm a bit tired to kind of correct them that that's not actually Kazakhstan. So the movie was filmed in Romania and they actually use real national symbols like our flag and then the geography of the country and then the name of the country. So it was a bit painful to watch, to be honest. But of course, I understand that it's a humor and it's irony, but I couldn't really bear and bring myself to watch more than six or seven minutes of that movie, really. Well, I thought you were about to say, I could only watch it six or seven times. On the seventh time, I decided that's it. That's very common, though, where comedians make something and then there are people who don't who who see it and think, oh, Borat's a real correspondent.

5:37and uh but yes i could i understand i understand there have been depictions of my hometown of boston which portray us as loud abrasive people that wear red socks caps backwards and just eat chowder and they're absolutely right yeah there we go yeah correct it's pretty um well okay let's uh let's pretend here asia uh first of all i'm curious when you saw me in person was Is there anything that surprised you? Some people are taken with my, in person that I'm quite different than I am on television. Say my virility. Hello? Is this thing on? Is this thing working? No, I'm just curious what you thought when you first saw me.

6:22I was shocked how tall you are, really. I was like, wow, you're huge. And then the second fact is that your hair is real. So that was really - You thought all these years I've been wearing a wig? You thought this was a wig that I've been wearing? I don't know. I don't know. It seems unnatural. You know what? It's interesting. I see. I am. My hair is very strange. It is real. But I am contemplating at some point when it's necessary switching to a wig. Just a wig. It'd just be so much easier to strap on a Conan wig. You know that they sell them somewhere. Like those generic talk show host wigs. Yes.

6:59That kind of thing. It's something that just looks like a helmet that I just put on. The pompadour is ready to go. It's made of nylon. it locks in place it's also got a digital clock and a pocket for me to keep little trinkets in um so that's coming no no but you look very good you look very good thank you very much thank you that's what i was looking for and i got it and we'll edit out everything else except that i look really good and then we'll put an echo on that um so okay make a note of that yeah it's okay it's just gonna happen naturally um i uh i come to kazakhstan and you asia you show me around you will be the ambassador you'll be showing me around because we're friends already we've already met what are the kind of activities that we would do or the customs that you would teach me um hunting maybe on a horse hunting on a horse wow yeah you you like steps you on a horse holding an eagle and then hunting oh my god small small animals you think i could ride a horse with it and hold an eagle at the same time on my arm?

8:02And that's how I hunt? Oh, why not? No, no. I mean, first of all, yeah. I mean, I am very athletic and I have great command over eagles with my mind. So the eagle needs to, I can't train the eagle. The eagle's pre-trained, right? The eagle knows what it's doing. Yes, yes, yes. And what are we hunting? They're also pretty heavy. Go ahead. They're pretty heavy, but I think you'll get this, yeah. They're pretty what? Heavy. Heavy. Oh, the eagle's heavy. Have you seen these guns? Did you look at my arm in person when we saw each other? This thing I could have. You could put a panther on this arm. I'd hold it for all day and all night.

8:41What? Yeah. Why would you hold a panther all day? That's so weird. And all night. And all night. And all night. So it's a close relationship with me and the panther. You know, you ask the dumbest questions. I do. When I'm talking about having a panther perched on my arm while I'm on horseback. Yeah. And then you come in with these insane allegations. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You took what I was saying about having a panther on my arm on horseback in Kazakhstan and then made it silly. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Anyway, an eagle can be on his arm for a long time. There'd be an eagle on my arm. And I'm just curious, what is the eagle going to, when I say, first of all, what is the command I give to the eagle in the native tongue?

9:23What would I say? I don't know. Scream something like, hey, or come on. That's the best you can do? That's worked out. Wait a minute. I've never done this before. Are you from Baltimore? I think this is all a put on. I can hear the Baltimore Orioles playing behind you in a stadium. Yes, Kazakhstan. Oh, what do I yell to the eagle when I want it to get going? She got all her information from Bora. Yeah. I just thought... No, no, no. I just, I only say that I can imagine you being like on a horse with an eagle and then giving some commands to hunt some rabbits, maybe. Well, guess what? I would do that in a second.

10:02I would eat that up and spit it out. So what are we hunting? What is an eagle? I mean, it's not like the eagle has to capture something that's smaller than the eagle, I'm guessing, right? Yeah, yeah. Maybe some rabbits. I don't know. Are you into rabbits? Okay. What do you mean am I into rabbit? I think she's making this up as she goes along. Asiya, you are so full of shit right now. This is just nonsense. Yes, you would have an ego. What would I say to talk? I don't know. Something that people in Kazakhstan say. And what would we get? I don't know. Rabbit? What do you think? What do I think? You're talking about this.

10:41You went on and on about how Kazakhstan is so important to you and you want to write all the wrong things that have been said about Kazakhstan. You don't know shit. Come on. Your name is Claire. Hey, Claire. Claire from Baltimore.

11:06Asiya, what are some of the unusual delicacies that we would be eating in Kazakhstan? Okay, so... And don't say chicken sandwich. So besides riding a horse, we can actually eat horses. So horse meat, the national dish is called... Yeah. The national dish is horse meat? Yes. What's it called? It's called beshparmak. Beshparmak. And it translates into five fingers because we eat it with fingers. That's beshparmak. Okay. Beshparmak. It's like five fingers. Oh, that's like Turkish. Yes. Oh, okay. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. You walked in today eating horse out of a bag. Yeah, beshparmak.

11:49Yeah. With your five fingers. It was a full head of horse. Yeah. It was a drive, you got it at a drive-thru. Yeah. I'm curious. So you eat horse. You said, I don't want to eat the horse that I rode. That just seems like a betrayal. You know, if that horse just, if I just rode a horse in it and we got food together, I would hate to then say, I know we just caught a rabbit, but guess what, buddy? You're up. Oh, of course. Of course. That's a different horse. So yeah, that's not the horse that you would ride, but actually horse meat is very tasty. Is it? It's very tasty. It is. It is. That's why we eat it.

12:24Does it taste like any other kind of meat that we would know? Yes, like beef, but even better. Really? Better than beef? Yeah. That's tough. Tough to be. Who is? I feel like then, if this is true, if horse really does taste fantastic and it's better than beef, that someone has, why is it not more acceptable? Yeah. Why are our pets eating horse and not us? You know? Yeah. Pet food is usually horse meat. Is it? Often, right? Isn't it like horse gelatin and horse? Not my, our dogs eat foie gras. Oh, geez. Yeah. Oh, God. Just the finest. Actually, here in Austria, they also eat horses, some horse sausage here in Austria.

13:06So I eat a lot of sausage in Austria. Oh, there you go. So probably. Yeah. And then I galloped for the next two weeks. Oh, boy. That's how that works? Yeah, it's true. So what do you do when you have a hamburger? I chew cud and I moo and I nuzzle up against a fence What do you do when you say have octopus? Oh man, I'm all hands on a date Oh God I've gotten in a lot of trouble after I've had octopi What about some of the traditions? I'm sorry Asiya, I wish we were I wish we were a smarter podcast I wish we were better people, but we're not. And this is your fault because you came up to me. I didn't come up to you.

13:53What about some of the things? I know that there are some, sometimes there are customs when I go to a country where you'd think, oh, this is not a big deal, but it's actually a huge deal. And it's something very simple. Do you know what I mean? Like how you consume manners at a table or ways in which you eat something. I know that in Japan, you can commit an incredible faux pas and not even know it. unless you've studied up on the culture. Tell me about that in Kazakhstan. We also have something like this in Kazakhstan. And it is, we are very big, so tea nation. We love tea. You love tea. We drink tea, yes, very much in the morning, throughout the day.

14:34So it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether it's cold outside or warm. We always drink tea. And there's also a special way to pour tea to someone. And for example, in my region, So my family comes from south of Kazakhstan. And it is very disrespectful to, like, you have a cup and then to fill the cup. And then to give this cup to a person to drink. So it's very kind of disrespectful. Wait a minute. It's disrespectful to fill the cup with tea and hand it to someone? Yes, yes. So what's the alternative? You should only pour a little bit. Oh. You should only pour a little bit. Just give them a little bit.

15:11Okay. Yeah, so that the tea is hot. And then after you're done, after like a few sips, and then you get another tea. And then you can drink tea for hours, for example. And when a person gives a couple that is full with tea, then it's a kind of sign that probably, yeah, you should go home or something like this. Wow, that's serious business. Okay, I feel sorry for the waiters and waitresses because you come by, you give someone a little bit of tea, you move on, they take one sip, and then you're like, hey, you leave me hanging here? I want more tea. And I'm like, hey, I got 15 tables to get to.

15:56What do you think this is, a chicken sandwich restaurant? You know, that'd be tough. That'd be tough. I know, but I need to correct you here. So it only applies when you're at home. Oh, I see. When I invite you. And then my mom pours you tea, so that's only applicable when you're my guest, for example. But when you're a tea shop or a coffee shop, of course, you can get a cup full of tea. Okay, I'm glad we made that distinction. I will be meeting your parents. Do your parents know of me? Do they know of my work? How will your parents react to me? Be honest. I think they will be shocked, very shocked.

16:36By my appearance? How tall you are. I'm sorry to say this, but yes. And you mean shocked and kind of like to be frightened? Will they be frightened? Yeah, because, you know, my parents, they're like, they weren't that often in foreign countries. So it's just Turkey or maybe Russia. So for them to see a foreign person is also a big thing. Oh, just to be a foreign person would be one thing. But then when this giant clown comes in with orange hair towering over them, that might be kind of a startling experience. But also, we don't talk loud, so loudly. And maybe that might also be a thing. Yeah. They might be surprised for you.

17:27Oh, wow. So did you think I was kind of loud when you talked to me? No, no, no, no. Of course, no. I'm just saying that how my parents or my family would see is, yeah, they don't have that much experience, you know, communicating or talking to foreign people. Maybe just remind me if I do meet your parents, because I want to make a good impression, remind me beforehand and maybe I will just lower my voice a lot. Is that good? I just talk right down here. That's weird too, though. No, that's strange. That is weird. That's strange. Oh, hello. I am a friend of Asia's and it's nice to meet you. My name is Karen.

18:04Is that creepy? That is kind of weird. Why? Why is that creepy? It just doesn't feel right coming out of your mouth. Yeah. Do they know who he is? Do they know that, like, Conan's a famous entertainer and performer? Do they know he's a famous creep? Please, continue with your answer. Yes. No, they're just into Russian and in Catholic television. They don't know about Conan. But I know that they will be really amazed by your charm. I never cracked that Russian-Kazakhstani market. I never could. And I have tried. I have tried. This could be a chance. Yeah, maybe when you're on a horse with an eagle, we can get the local paparazzi there or TV stations.

18:51I would like to be featured. Do you have magazines that feature celebrities from Kazakhstan and neighboring countries? I'd like to be in one of those magazines, you know, frolicking on the beach. This, I don't know, but we have very, like, huge music festivals. So maybe you can be there and sing and dance and that would be. I think I would just come out with a guitar, but I'd have an eagle on my arm and I'd have the eagle attack the crowd. And I'd never play one note on the guitar. That would be cool, really. Yeah, yeah. I'd make everyone in the audience dress up as a rabbit before I came out.

19:30um asia this is one of the stranger interviews i've ever had uh i think um i think it's your fault i blame you and i think this is all your fault because i was just minding my own business in vienna in vienna mind you where i think i'm going to meet austrians when someone from kazakhstan walks up to me um you know munching on a chicken sandwich and uh and now look at us here we are talking it's very cool this is the part of my job that i love i like to meet people from distant lands and create these connections and i think we're friends now are we not friends oh yes we are so yeah i couldn't stop like really when i when i saw you i couldn't stop i was really amazed to see you um in vienna just in yeah and um yeah i was very happy again to see you well it was very nice i have one question oh yeah go ahead ask me a question so um i'm a book lover i love books i love reading do you have any book advice maybe or what you've been reading lately well i just read this massive 1200 page biography of mark twain the american humorist um it's not a beach read unless you want to use the book to shield you from the sun i loved it i actually thought it was fantastic but what kind of books do you like?

20:50You have to give me what kind of thing are you interested in? Do you like true crime? Do you like history? Sexy books. Do you like... Sexy books. Sexy books. You mean like Playboy? Like fanfic and you know, like Fabio cover books. Asia, do you like a sexy book? No, I've never read them though. I didn't know that they existed. I'm sorry. Alone on my island. Do you like sexy... Do you read Fabio books? Of course, I love the sexy books. What, Fabio books? No, like, you know, like a supermarket smut. Like a Fifty Shades of Grey kind of thing? Yes, yes. Okay. I'm sorry. Sona broke in with her own predilections and said that she likes sexy books.

21:32That was not me. I like history books where sometimes sexy things happen. Oh, never. I beg to differ, sir. I beg to differ. Some crazy stuff went down at Fort Sumter before the firing began. but anyway uh give me a clue as to what kind of book you like um i'm into russian literature so into russian classics oh guess what boring no no no not boring at all i just read brothers karamazov oh i love i went on a dostoevsky jag and i just i read i finished brothers karamazov a couple of weeks ago and i i loved it there are parts that are a bit of a slog because it's dostoevsky and he had a lot of time on his hands and a lot of ink but I really liked it and I liked Crime and Punishment a lot.

22:21I see, wow. So do you like that? Yeah. I love it, I love it, yeah. Have you read The Idiot? That's my life story. Read it, I'm living it. What are you talking about? Hey Conan, have you read The Idiot? Duh. No, no, no, that's also Dostoevsky novel. Yes, I know, I know. I know The Idiot is a Dostoevsky novel, yes. And I have read it and I'm, I just, I love Russian literature. I think it's fascinating. I really do. I also love Russian history. Right now I'm doing a deep dive on Peter the Great and how he defeated Sweden. And yeah. Nice. See? I think I just I think count myself very lucky because I can speak Russian.

23:05See? I read things. Read in Russian. Anyway, yes, I would keep reading about Russia. There's such a fascinating history, Russia. fascinating people with a fascinating history and so i that's true yes um you know read let me just count myself pardon me sorry go ahead no i just i just count myself very lucky that i know russian and i can read in russian so to read dostoevsky in russian it's really um it's a really um a thing that i can't even explain like how how grateful i am actually to you know russian to actually read them in their native language. Also the plays, The Seagull. I saw a production of The Seagull in New Haven not long ago, and it was amazing.

23:50It was great. I mean, it all holds up. The Cherry Orchard, it's the classics. Read the plays as well. Okay. I'm sorry. We lost Sona, who's waiting for the sexy part. Yeah. Frankly, I am too. The seagull gets it on with another seagull. All right. Yeah. There's a whole section where they get it on. Yeah. Um, Aseya, um, I, uh, I hope I get to visit you. It'll be really fun. And, uh, I look forward to some of it. The drinking small amounts of tea, horseback, um, eagle on my arm, maybe a leopard as well. Uh, and, um, you know, horse meat, we'll talk about it. Okay. I don't know if I use five fingers.

24:32I might use an ice cream scoop. Um, we'll talk about it. But, uh, clearly I'm babbling now. And I'm being told by my producer that I'm out of control. And it's time for me to take my medication. But it's so nice to talk to you, Asiya. And thank you very much for coming up and saying hi to me in Vienna. I love this kind of connection. It's really cool. Of course, yeah. Really, I'm so happy to see you again and talk to you again. And also you, Sona. And you, I don't remember your name, sorry. I have trouble too. My name's Fabio. His name's Fabio. I'm sorry no it's Matt it's Matt it's Matt it's okay it's okay there's too many of us to know there's a lot of people I often forget my own name yes it's okay it's late stages of dementia well it was nice to talk to you and I wish you well and thank you for being such a cool person thank you Conan okay thank you bye bye bye bye Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien Sonam Ovcesian and Matt Gourley.

25:38Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.