Flula Borg Returns Again

22:17I had very little friends and very little siblings. By that, I mean zero. I didn't kill or eat them. they simply didn't come out of my mother's hole. Fisher. Sorry. Fisher. Fisher. Thank you. Thank you, Matthias. Thank you, Matthias. So there was only actually... My apologies. Zero things came from her. Well, no, you came. Well, I was a Caesar salad. So I came out. You came out. I came out as a salad. So you were the entree. No, you were the appetizer. I was all three of those. I was like in and out. There's what you get to get a burger. Bye-bye. You know. Okay. So this was your crazy, horrific way of saying no siblings.

22:55You were an only child. Yes. So you were born and they said there'll be no more of this. Well, something in German and I couldn't intelligible it because I was very young. You were very young. Yeah. When you're a baby in Germany, do you cry angrily? Do you go, wah, wah? Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. Well, I'm just curious. Wah, wah. Yeah, it starts that way. Wah. Yeah, we have to adjust. It's like a modulation. Sometimes it's screaming. You have to get to a whispers. Gah, gah, koo, koo. Yeah. and it is in the other direction. You're correct. You guys, I believe, Goo Goo Gaga. Yes. We Gaga Goo Goo. Very good.

23:27And people say cultures can't come together. They can't. They understand each other, but they can. They can, sexually. Okay. Just cut that, Eduardo. No, no, no. We're not, Eduardo, stopped listening a long time ago. Oh, he's left the room. Do you, what did you do for fun? What did young Flulo do for fun? We understand that you ran through the fields and that you were alone. We know why, but what were you doing for fun? Did you like, music? What did you watch on television? What influenced Young Flula? Well, to say this implies there has been an evolution. Things have not changed since I was Young Flula.

24:00I listened to C &C Music Factory. Things that make you go, hmm? Do you know that song? I was at the club sitting by the fireplace drinking cocoa on the bare skin rug. That's C &C Music Factory? This would be, yes, Colin Civilis or C &C. Okay. Gonna make you sweat until you a bleed. Yes, it's dope enough. Indeed. I paid the price to control the dice. I'm more precise to the point I'm nice. Yes. Incredible. I mean, this is fantastic. And you, Matthias. I lived a life. I'm a grown man. I've lived a life. You have lived a life. A deep life. Did you grow up also in Erlangen, Germany? Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

24:35Ach so. Ich heiße auf Stuttgart. Oh, my God. Du kommst aus Stuttgart. Yeah. Das ist doch schön. Das ist schönes Wetter heute, nicht wahr? Also ein bisschen warm, würde ich sagen, aber es ist nicht schlecht. I feel like I'm an inglorious bastard and I'm just trying to hope no one notices me. Uns, uns, zwei, zwei. That I'm an American. Uns, zwei, drei, drei, drei. Yeah, if you use the thumb, that's what got him in trouble. That's how you do it, yes. And this is also, I have nailed a tray, Jason Tatum, your favorite player, yes? Yes. From Dublin. From the Celtics, yes. He is an Irishman, a good Irishman.

25:05Yeah. Mr. Tatum. Yeah. Originally Mr. Tater. Oh, I gotta go.

25:18College students don't get enough credit. That's my opinion. Yeah. I mean, they get credit for courses, but there's more that they're mastering, like mastering microwaving, focusing on fashion, getting a bachelor's in beauty products. That's where Walmart Plus comes in because college students get 50 % off a Walmart Plus membership. Who knew? I didn't know. No one told me. I'm out of the loop. Plus, Walmart Plus members can choose between Peacock or Paramount Plus at no additional cost. That means you can host a movie night in your apartment, stream the new action film everyone's raving about.

25:51I've got to see that film. Well, guess what? I've got Peacock or Paramount Plus. Hey, thanks, pal. If you forgot to buy popcorn and somehow the soda's gone, no problem. Free same-day delivery means snacks show up without leaving the couch. That's nice. You just keep lying on your couch. You don't even move. That's the best. Well, it's a problem if too many people do it. America loses this initiative. Conan, stop it. From last minute class supplies to late night study fuel, Walmart Plus fits into college life in a way that feels almost unfairly convenient. Yeah. Too convenient if such a thing is possible.

26:25Every Walmart Plus member knows it's a membership that pays for itself. Try Walmart Plus free for 30 days, $35 minimum for free delivery. Separate registration required for video streaming choices. Terms apply. NutriGrain, it's just a hardworking snack. It's a snack that gets the job done. It's made with 10 grams of whole grains. I'm just going off the top of my head. I think it's 10 vitamins and minerals. I'm pretty sure there's no high fructose corn syrups. It nourishes and it hits the spot. Each Nutri-Grain Crunchy Bar contains at least 23 grams of whole grains and provides a good source of fiber.

27:00Now, my question to you, Sona and David, do you think you've worked hard enough to earn yourself a bar? Sona. Absolutely. I think I'm a very hard worker. I send you videos of my kids. That's true. I woke up this morning to your kids dressed as Spider-Man. Yeah. You know, I clap along when you dance to Pitbull, which is all the time. I dance to Pitbull's Men in Black rap, and I dance frenetically like a madman. Yeah. And I clap along, and I encourage you to do it, even though I probably shouldn't. David, do you think you work hard? I do. If I see a video where someone's complimenting you on Instagram, I'll send it to you.

27:38You've sent me all four. All four over the last two. I sent you the four best ones. You sent me four in total. You sift through so many negative ones. All right, guys, I think you both work very hard. You're both entitled to these wonderful Nutri-Grain bars. So find nutritious and always delicious Nutri-Grain bars at your favorite store or online retailer today and look for new Nutri-Grain Crunchy Bars and stores near you.

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29:12Listen, we're going to talk about you some more. So you would hang out in the clubs. You love CNC Music Factory. Yes, of course. And you still do to this day. Of course. Did you like the song, It's Raining Men? Hallelujah, it's raining men. I mean, it's an acceptable song. I always listen to that song and thought, men are falling to their deaths. Right. Yes. You know what I mean? They all die. They all die. Yes. And they land on the happy women who are excited that men are falling. Shattered vertebrae. It's all a very Thelma Louise song, because at the end, they will be also crushed by the weight of these men, assuming these men are of normal height, weight and mass.

29:44Yes, yes. And they've reached a critical speed. Terminal velocity, literally. Terminal velocity, yes, literally terminal. You know, it's funny. What is? If you listen to this, not this. Oh. But if you listen slowly, you'll occasionally hear something intelligent. It's like every now and then it's this stew that's just got nothing. But every now and then there's just a little piece of beef. In the song, it's raining men, hallelujah. No, no, in this conversation we're having. So I should listen to the song slowly. Using those big Bose headphones. No one's ever analyzed that song, ever. Well, when it first came out, I said, this is terrible.

30:20And it scared me. It's raining men. And I pictured men falling from the sky. Oh, yes. And falling on top of those women and killing them. Because let's say the average man weighs, I don't know, 185, 195 pounds. It's a lot of pounds. It's a lot of pounds. I once thought about the song, I'm your penis, I'm your fire, your desire, which is also very disturbing. No, no, no, it's not I'm your Venus. It's your Venus. It's not Venus. And Germany, it's penis. Oh. It's your Venus here? Yeah. Why would a girl be singing I'm your penis? How do you know it's a girl? I didn't see the video. Oh. Can I tell you something that I was always...

30:53Could be Todd Thompson. This is a real misunderstanding I have. Oh, God. What's wrong, Conan? I'll be fine. Do you need an Excedrin? Is that a sponsor? You know that song, Hey there, amigo, days when the rain, you know. Oh, Brown Eyed Girl. Brown Eyed Girl. Oh, yes. By Van Morrison, yes. I honestly thought, there's a line in it. No, there's a line where he says, going down in the old mine for a transistor radio, with a transistor radio, meaning he goes down into one of the mines. A metaphor. And listens to a transistor radio. I swear to God, for years I thought he was saying, And going down on an old man for a transistor radio.

31:35And I thought, how bad do you want? That better be a great radio. Yes, that's a fair exchange, depending on the radio. Well, I mean, this has to be AM and FM, at least. At least have both. Yeah, and it has to have a good speaker system. And yes, and the man's ding-dong is hopefully small. Why? What are we talking about?

32:00Once you're there, does it really matter? Does it really matter what size to ding-dongies? Also, if you're down in a mine, you can't get reception on a transistor radio. Oh, that's a good point. This is a bum deal for this guy. Why did I think that a guy was blowing an old man so he could borrow his transistor radio? That's the most surprising part of this. And he's receiving the fellatio in a mine? No, I think it's either man or mine, so it can't be both. He didn't go down into a mine to blow a guy. He blew a guy to get a radio. Oh. You know, can I say something? Location is independent. This can't air.

32:32This won't air. Maybe he went down on a mime. Oh, a mime. Oh. He went down on a mime and the mime's just making faces. And just plunging down. Oh, and the mime is walking against the wind in place while he's being blown. Yes, yes. And then he's in a box. Uh-huh. But then he comes and he opens the, he orgasms and he opens the top of the box. He's living in a cardboard box. I hate you. You still hitting delete over there? I'm not a fan of yours anymore. Agreed, Conan. I have never been a fan of them. You know, and I'll tell you why I'm not a fan. Please tell me the reasons. This was a great podcast.

33:03This was my chance to have someone from another nation come on from across the sea. Yes. And have a cultural exchange. And it's become, and I blame you. Of course. Because on any ordinary day, this is a very, very, you know, I think, well. Regal. Regal podcast. Yes. Thank you. That was the word I was searching for. Of course. Regal. Yeah. You, I have a question for you. Oh, it is, okay. One of your dreams, I know, is to be in a James Bond movie as a villain, or do you think you could be James Bond? And this, Matthias, coincides with his. He loves James Bond movies, and I've been thinking about it.

33:37You're in great shape. Thank you. Good looking. You're the correct age. What? Why can't James Bond be German? Can he be? Can he be German? Well, I mean, you're putting this on me? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Do you want to be James Bond, or do you want to be a villain? You'd be a good henchman, too. I like any of those. I like henchers. I would do any of those things. I think it'd be an amazing... I think it's going to be a problem to say His Majesty's Secret Service. His Majesty's Secret Service. Hello to you. But listen to you. It's me, 007. Watch out. You know what? This audition's going very well. Please come in, 007.

34:10We have an assignment for you. Thank you for inviting me in, Penny Money. Okay. We know that you are, of course, a proud son of England and that you would do anything for the Queen. I will do all of the things for the Queen and also to be clear to the Queen. Okay. Okay, listen. Bond, do come along. Oh, absolutely. I mean, it's a little bit of a problem that he's from Germany. Let's try him out as a villain. Okay. So you're Bond. You guys are having your big like monologuing moment. Okay, so I have stumbled, you captured me. Yeah, you're captured. You're holding me captive in your, it's a volcano that you carved out.

34:48And you're showing me how you're gonna destroy the world. Hello. Dr. Flula. Yes. Ah, Dr. Froull, I presume. Yes, hello to you, James, and welcome to my coffee. Is that your James Bond? I don't know. What is that? I've got to, listen. I was Connery. What was that? I was trying to do a sort of a, you know. Well, I'm trying to figure out what my Bond is. Hold on a second. Yeah, yeah. Let me get it, let me get it. I think he's. Hold on. Roger Moore? Roger Moore, hello. He's like this. He talks like he's not very intimidating. Well, no. What is this? Your Bond is collecting butterflies. No, your Bond, just to match who you are, he's like this.

35:23he talks like this. No, that's not my Bond. Don't tell me who my Bond is. You're neither this kind of Bond like this. No, he's not that Bond. Or you're like, I'm Roger Moore. Oh. Well, is that Roger... That's Roger Moore towards the end. But his jaw was... Hello, I'm James Bond. Hello, I'm James Bond. We'll try it this way. Okay. Dr. Flula, you seem to have captured me in your volcano. What is your plan? Yes, Timothy Dalton. Thank you for coming to my volcano that I have emptied out using a tiny shovel for 200 years. I did notice there are no henchmen Usually people have henchmen But I suppose you I'm sorry but you're like a prospect So bad Mine's better than yours I'm just wondering Is your gold in this here here?

36:08There may be Let me ask you something Just a little bit of a question for you Dr. Flewler What are your intentions? How do you plan to take over the world? It's very simple really, Timothy I plan to just take all of the television shows, turn them into one big show, and then just blare it out into the spry conceit. You fiend. Yes. This will destroy the world as we know it. It's called Max, which is the same place Coleman Musco is airing. Season two, streaming now. Nicely done. Yes. I think that audition went quite well. You're hired? You're both hired. Oh, great. Amazon called, and they've got their new bond.

36:46You're not hired. Let me tell you something. My Bond is fascinating because you never know what you're going to get next. Yeah. You can't hone in on, is he Australian? Yosemite Sam. Is he Yosemite Sam? Is he, is his jaw broken? Right. You don't know exactly what's going on with my Bond. Yes, yes. Shapeshifter. James Bond. James Bond. Yes. You're like, what's a rogue? Cypthops? What's the one lady from X-Men who could be anything but when she was relaxed, looked like a mystique? Yes, you're like mystique. Okay. All right. God, you know, you are so well-versed in your movies and your pop culture, and you love a video game, don't you?

37:21Oh, I do love a video game. You like Grand Theft Auto? I like GTA, a medium amount to large amount, depending on the amount. Do you call it Grand Theft Auto? Yes, I go Grand Thievery Automobile. I think you should say things full names. Do they have a German edition of Grand Theft Auto where you're on the Autobahn? You're not because it's too fast. We have a GTA Düsseldorf, which involves not exceeding 35 kilometers per hour. and everything is kept very clean? Of course. And no one breaks any rules? You are immediately arrested. Game over. So you're saying GTA Dusseldorf, it doesn't go very far, right?

37:59Yes. You're questioned very quickly. That's correct. If you break the laws in GTA Dusseldorf, two weeks later, you will receive a fine in the mail directly from the PlayStation that you played on. Oh, wow, that's terrible. Sorry, but how was your drink? It's very good. Please, let's not make it about me. Let's make it about you. Okay. I am curious, what's your favorite of the video games? Of all the video games in the world? Yeah. I tried to play Zaxxon. Oh. Zaxxon. Which is a very old school game with two X's. Involves a fake 3D and a spaceship that goes up and down. What happens on Zaxxon? I don't remember that one.

38:32You're kind of like Space Invaders style, right? Yes. So you're shooting up? This is 1980s technology. I've told you I have not evolved since I have been Y-Flula, which is short for young. So in 1985, someone hit you with a brick and you have not evolved since then? I do not know about the brick. Something definitely hit my cranium. Okay. Conan, what's your favorite video game? Tell me immediately. Okay, I will tell you my favorite video game. I have to say it's those World War II, you know, war games. Oh, Call of Duty. Wolfenstein. Call of Duty, I like those. I like anything where, or I like the World War I Call of Duty.

39:06That might be my favorite because there's a lot of biplanes and zeppelins flying around. I just like something that has a little bit of a historic connotation. I'm shocked you answered that question. Also, I like Slenderman. I know that's a really old reference, but I think it was based on me. And I think I'm the original concept behind Slenderman. That's a video game? I thought it was a film. I thought it was just an urban legend that then became a film. I think it was a video game. Wasn't there a video game of Slenderman? And you're saying Slenderman. Why are you saying it's Slenderman? Oh, the several Slender?

39:36Of the Connecticut Slendermans? Yeah. He's the one that got me into the club, the Slendermans. It's a computer game, according to this. Oh, okay. Well, forget I said it. There it goes. No, you got it. You're right. That was wonderful. It was a computer game. Yes. Okay, well, listen. I want to stay focused. Okay. You like to play Zaxxon. You listen to CNC Music Factory. You think that Reagan is just beginning his second term. It's just now started. Yes, it's 1985. Right. There's some signs that maybe he's flipping a little bit, but everyone's going, what are you talking about? It's like, listen, tear down that wall.

40:07Yeah. That's all he says. Were you okay with that when he said Mr. Gromach? Well, I would prefer to remove it gently brick by brick. Yeah. I think that's better. Just for safety reasons. Yeah, exactly. The energy I supported, to be clear. Did you not support this? Oh, no, I did. I was very happy. I thought Germany should be united, east and west. Like the Koreas. Right. Well, I would like it if they would resolve the Korean issue as well. Great enough global talk. Yeah. I mean, it's getting a little serious here, but if you're going to ask me questions that are serious, I'll answer them. Yes, I do wish that the division between North and South Korea ended and it was one country.

40:45What about the Carolinas? I think no, no. That's impossible, correct? That's impossible. The division between North and South Carolina. If anything, there's going to be a third Carolinas. Yes. The New Cotas. The New Cotas, Gencox, and someone else. And don't get me started on the Virginias. Virginias, yeah. West and proper. Hey, don't say that. West is the only Virginia, as far as I'm concerned. I just agree, friend. Really? Snap what? Shots fired. He's got the power. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He shows a sigh. You don't know a snap? That's the sound of a fire shot, yes. You are a fan of coin collecting.

41:14I'm going to switch topics quickly because that's what you have to do with Flula to keep it going. Yes, buffalo head nickels. Now, when did this begin? Wheat pennies. What? Wheat pennies. Oh, pennies that have the little shafts of wheat on them. Shafts? Huh? Sprigs? Oh. Yes. Why do you derail everything I say? There are pennies that have little pieces of wheat on them. I just said shafts of wheat and you derailed the whole thing. Sorry, but a shaft to me is a very different item than a piece of wheat. But yes, wheat pennies. Yeah. Okay, I guess I'm the one in the wrong here. I've never heard shaft of penny, but I think we all think of dicks when you say shaft.

41:49I was thinking of a penis. Yes, a ding dong. Sorry. A ding dong. Sorry. It's, you said shaft until we all didn't know you were talking about wheat. We thought you were talking about a penis. Hey, Conan. If someone says the elevator's not available today because we're working on the shaft, you immediately think. Penis. Wait, but this... That's what you mean. You have to work on the penis to fix the elevator. I'm going to try hard to make this better. You collect these coins. Yes. What else do you, besides the buffalo head and the wheat pennies, what else do you collect? What's your most valuable coin that you have in your collection?

42:23Flula, answer quickly. I have none of value, but I did once have a bicentennial quarter, which was made in 1976 to celebrate your bicentennial, which is 200 years of being America. Yes. Yes. It was quite a long time ago now, of course, but I would think that that would be a very common, it wasn't that long ago. No, it's also, it's worth 26 cents.

42:45Conan, are you a collector of items? I really am not. You could say I have a guitar collection. Oh, but I shouldn't. Well, you'll be punished if you do. Oh. I have a lot of guitars. I didn't seek them out. I sought a few of them out, but mostly over the years of musical people coming on my show and seeing at rehearsal that I played guitar or was trying to get better at guitar, they would gift me a guitar. And over the years, I've amassed a bunch. And at some point, I want to – some of them are quite strange. Oh. And I want to share them with the world at some point and tell the story behind some of them.

43:24Some of them are incredible. And then some of them are quite absurd and ridiculous. This guitar I got, I believe maybe from Sweden, which is made with a bathroom scale. Oh. Is the base of the guitar. And there's a neck coming out of it, and it's a functioning bathroom scale. Blast it. Some of them look like my face. Oh. I don't see the value of that. It's a delicious face. But also some really good, great guitars. I smell a new podcast, Konag. Conan O 'Brien needs a guitar. Yes. oh it's not a guitar where I'm nagged and hectored by no okay no it'd be very supportive where every time you receive a new diddly dude guitar yes it's not called a diddly dude well it's shorter to say diddly dude I don't think so I think guitar is faster everyone knows what I'm saying when I say diddly dude it's not a clarinet okay it's not a tuba okay it's a guitar what do you guys call a tuba na tuba na tuba na tuba okay what do you call a tuba we call it a taiben a taiben yeah oh

44:28Listen, you are, I don't know. I can't get a beat on you. It's like trying to push down on a moist seed. It just squirts away. But you're putting it all on him. I think you're bringing a little of this in. You are, you're doing it. Excuse me, I am not. You said shaft of wheat. You did say that. You knew where that went. Yeah. No, I didn't. You think everything I say, if I said like, oh, look, there's a red balloon, you're like, oh, here he goes with his dicks again. I mean, not everything is a penis. I thought that meant diaphragm. but yes, it's fine. I'm going to ask you something. You keep a diary, I'm told.

45:01How do you know about this? Because I borrowed it last night while you were sleeping. Oh, that was your entry? Yes, that was my entry. What's your obsession with termites? I came into your apartment and no, you keep a diary. You're a loyal keeper of a diary but you don't call it a diary. You call it a... A Dankbarheitsjournal. What's that? A Dankbarheitsjournal. I thought it was a togebuch. Also, a Tagebuch is a daybook. Yes, you can call it a diary. Well, why did you call it something else? I did research here. I had people watching you for a while. Thank you. If you're familiar with that. I know.

45:37I left my door unlocked. You keep a diary or as you call it, a togebuch. A Tagebuch. Why do you keep a diary? Are you journaling in this diary? What are you writing in your diary? Every day there are three things that are wrong and three things that are right. and I have to write about those things. And then I do it. Then I fix the things that are wrong or perhaps leave them be and cry about them and move on. Do you not have a target wall, Conan? I don't write down the things that are right and the things that are wrong. I don't understand that part. I mean, I have to-do lists. Like, oh, I should do this.

46:08I should do that. Sometimes I write down my feelings. Wrong. Another podcast with, you know, Matt and Sona. Boy, they really get in the way and they stop me from being my true self. But that's correct. Yes, yes. They are holding you down. Yeah. Think of the heights I could scale if it weren't for these monsters. Some things in my tucker book. Yeah. Eduardo, what's he up to over there? Nobody knows. Fiddling with his dials. What are those for? A shaft. A shaft. You know, Eduardo, you're better than that. Everyone looks up to you on this podcast and now you've done it. Your favorite superhero is Spider-Man.

46:46How did you know this? Because I looked in your diary and it says... Flula loves Spider-Man. Yes. Or Flula Spider-Man or Mrs. Flula Spider-Man. You just dream about Spider-Man all day long. Why do you like Spider-Man the best of all the heroes? I like that he has limitless webs because if he's super hungry, he can also just go... You can eat the webs? If you're a spider, absolutely. I guess it's fiber. I never thought of that. Maybe the webs are like a hardened cheese. Of course. It's like a brie. It's a munster. A munster. Is that the right way to say it? I say munster, yes. What do you say? Now I say Munster.

47:22I say Munster. If I see the Umlaut. Yeah. Or a UE is also like an Umlaut. You guys, you have a great language. You have an Umlaut. And I love the Umlaut. And I wish we had an Umlaut in this country. I'd like to, I bet you carry an Umlaut with you wherever you go. Two periods. Yes. And, but it changes Munster to Munster. It's fantastic. Do you like an Umlaut? Sure. Yeah. Okay. I love an Umlaut. Yeah. My favorite is the Denver Umlaut. You know what? Let me tell you something. Oh, come on. I'll tell you why I'm funny and then I'll tell you how I'm funny. Adam doesn't even know what's happening. We're bringing you down?

47:56You just said Denver Humlaut. You owe everybody an apology. You know what's so funny? Adam is always usually very supportive. He's supportive 98 % of the time. Today, whenever I speak, he looks like he's having gas pain under his sternum. Oh, I assumed he's deathly ill. Yeah. You're not the problem, apparently. Oh, no, I am the problem. You think so? Yes. I think you allow my stupidity. It's your fault I welcome it and love it And hug it and spoon it Alright then It's my favorite thing I don't want to get too personal But how's your Love life Listen I am I'm dating currently A techno Whole note That's right What?

48:35It's four beats Of delicious techno At 102 BPM Consistent Reliable I can pause it Mute it Turn it up It's delicious So can I hear What it sounds like For a second? that is what you're dating yes okay um does it have a name okay fool yeah yeah i've always wanted uh say it i've always wanted you to be in a relationship yeah i know you you're you're a good-looking germanic fellow you're in the clubs in the Clubs, yes. You've got this incredible, you know, abs. Oh. You're probably dating a different BPM every night. Oh, yes. I will switch it up quickly. Thanks, Spotify. But don't you... Do you want to date him?

49:26Very much. Say it, Colum. Because you're just going on and on about him. It just sounds like... He's a dreamboat. Are you in an open relationship, Colum? My wife would like me to be. Oh, she's insisting. My wife has suggested several times, actually several times a week, that maybe I'd like to explore other possibilities. Conan, let's go visit a proverbial coffee bean and tea leaf together. Oh, I would do that anytime. Oh, I mean proverbial though. Oh, so you're talking about something else. Yes. Oh. You know, your tea bean, my leaf.

50:00I don't know what to do with you. Same. You know what that's funny? They give me pages of what they think I'm going to talk to Flula about. Yes. But none of it. What good is this? You can't have notes when you talk to Flula Ball. Don't do it. No, don't do it. Don't do it, Conan. And drugs in the 70s and 80s, just don't do it. Yes, put that frying pan away and also that egg that you cracked on it. That's your mind on drugs. No one knows what we're talking about. They don't know it. No, it's been too long. It has been too long. Do you like your life? You're a happy fellow? I'm a happy man. Are you a happy man, Conan?

50:36I'm concerned. God, he's so good at turning it back on me all the time. Yes, I'm a very happy person. Oh, you're reflecting back on me with your shiny gluten pouch. My gluten pouch, my bauchtasche, yeah. I am a happy man. Okay. I believe I am. You've had some recent very exciting newses. I don't know when this is airing. They were recent to me. This won't air. You'll never hear this. Oh, great. I will bury this. This will be put into deep, into a salt mine in Utah. But you recently, oh, where? Provo? Don't you ever look at me and say Provo. I'm so sorry. I cannot. The one thing I will not have is someone yelling Provo at me in a German accent.

51:13It's your safe word. Yes, I've had a good year. I've had a good run. You won Marcus Twine. You won an award made. Mark Twine. He's a famous American humorist. No, he's not an anarchist. Oh. He was an American humorist. And it's a very nice thing that happened. I was honored by my fellow members of the comedian community. Oh, wonderful. The CC. So it's not a man that invented twine like Alfred Nobel invented dynamite? No, no. And using your logic, Alfred Nobel would have invented Nobel. So you're an idiot. Oh, which is a book that is much shorter. It's half of a novel. Okay. Why speak to you, I guess, is the question.

51:54Or why even continue? You, yes, you brought up, I've had some good fortune lately, but no one wants to hear about me. Why not? Because they want to hear about Flula Borg, a man who grew up in, where is it called? Erlangen. Oh no, I like your guess. What was your guess? Greben. Grebenheiden? Grebenheiden, yeah. You grew up in a small village. Grebenheiden. Where not only are the shoes wooden, but all the clothes are wooden. And all the heidens are greben. Yeah. Greben and schluden. And you decided one day you would leave your father's cuckoo clock factory. I said bye-bye to you, birds rotating in a circle.

52:26And you said, I will come to America and find my future. Those are my exact words. Yes. And then you said, I hope I have enough. And you looched into your pockets. And you had some rare coins, some wheat coins. Some wheat kind of full of shafts. Yes. reach down into that deep pocket of yours. Yes, it's so deep. Shafts of wheat. And then you also, there was probably a hazelnut in there, a little treat. Of course. And then you took a boat, I believe, to come to this country. I did. There were several planes available, but I selected a boat. A boat. A boat, yes. A boat. And then I accidentally won a hype man contest, and then that was my decision to come here and do a professional thing called whatever this is.

53:05Yeah. You, I would imagine, would be a great hype man. Don't you think you'd be the best hype man? Can I hear some of your hype man that you do in the clubs? Hey, everyone, it's me, Flula Borg. Welcome to your concert. If you're excited, raise one or both of your hands if you have two. If you only have one, then raise one. If you have no hands, oops. You shouldn't have worked in that factory. You know, you were my hype man because I did a tour a couple of years ago. Went to very funny comedians. And me. No, no, you were hilarious, but you would also be a bit of a hype man for me. Yes, I was very supportive of your journey as a stand-up comic comedian man.

53:43And also you would do the crowd work. You would go into the crowd with a microphone so that people could ask me questions. I did. I did. And my favorite thing is whenever you tripped or had trouble making your way through the crowd, you'd go, scheiße, scheiße, scheiße, which is shit. But it just always cracked me up. Accurate. It happened all the time. Yes, I'm very uncoordinated. Yeah. That means you have no accordion. Yes, exactly. Accordion free since 83. Okay. I don't know. This is either a very good episode. No, it's the worst episode. I now play trombone, Conan. Trombone. Trombone. I've released a children's album.

54:18You have? Yeah, it's called, you know. No, I don't know. I don't know what it's called. Oh, it's slippery when peeled. Okay. You should be detained by authorities. I look forward to it. When was the last time someone looked at your papers and decided whether you should stay or not? Because that's, you know, that's a real thing that's happening now. and I think we should look at your papers. Well, thank God I have just a passport, which is just a book. So the papers I don't bring out with me anymore. Also, I'm going to make a stand-up comedy special, Conan. Oh, when's that coming out? I don't know.

54:50You're very good at plugging things, aren't you? When's your special coming out? In the future, Conan. I will tell you all about it. Okay, well, you'll be back. Oh, okay, great. Does that red light we can stop mean? No, that means we've reached the one-third point. We still have two-thirds of that. So we have two sections equal in size to the last section. Yes. It's like a hockey game. Yes, exactly. Now we have to do, if that was 40 minutes, we have to now do 80 minutes of inventing German words like Aufengleider. Yeah, so Aufengleider is a very interesting thing. It's what you use to hang certain sized jeans.

55:29Really? You know, you told me that I take stabs at German words and that occasionally it's a real word or almost a real word. Yeah, Augenlider is kind of what you said, which is like an eye smoothie. Smoothie made of eyes? I don't know. You said it. Okay. Flula, what's next for you? What are you working on now? Because I know you have a fan base. People want to see what you're doing. What's coming up for Flula Borg? Are you going to be in a movie, a television show? Are you doing a show anywhere? How can I get the word out about Flula Borg? Thank you for this very long question, which included several guesses.

56:06Conan, I will be in a movie called Champagne Problems on Netflix. It is a Christmas rom-com. Hey, that's great. Champagne Problems. Who are you in that with? I'm also in it with Minka Kelly. Oh, I love Minka Kelly. Yes, and others. Oh, you're going to get an angry message from and others. From who? We don't know. Yeah. And looking forward to that. You enjoy the acting. I enjoy to act very much, Conan. It's a nice way to escape into something and say bye-bye and then come out and say hello. Have you seen Shawshank Redemption? Yes, I have. It's a wonderful film. Now you're promoting Shawshank Redemption.

56:40Have you seen it? Yes, I have. Many times. Zihuatanejo? Zihuatanejo, yes. Zihuatanejo. Yes, yes, in Mexico. I support Morgan Freeman as an actor. I think he's very talented. Well, you know, it's been debated whether he should be allowed to act and your support will be a key... Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote, yes. Vote, yes. If I could stop you, Flula, I would. Please do it. But I think you're unstoppable. You're an unstoppable force of nature. That's only because I outweigh you by 13 kilograms. Flula, I thank you for being here. I apologize for all the minutes we spend together. We can never have those back.

57:24I adore you I'm going to say that in all seriousness I'm going to look you in the eye, Flula Thank you and say that whatever you're selling I am buying because you are a hilarious hilarious gentleman and I really enjoy you Likewise, Conan Thank you for having me and letting me join this table Everyone now making eye contact as if we are drinking beverages which is very important when you cheers Yes Rule, that's one thing to remember listeners of Conaf Available wherever podcasts are located. Okay, now I feel like I'm being mocked. What? This is over. No, I'm promoting your show to ensure its longevity.

57:57Do we have security? Can someone escort him out? Oh, you're going to do it, Eduardo? Please do it. Oh, this guy's going to toss you around like a rag doll. Hot. Get out! Get out! Okay, I'm leaving. Bye! Put in some footsteps. And now, can you, Matthias, can you add some going downstairs sounds? Yeah. Oh, I forgot my fanny pack.

58:21Ooh, that's kind of sexy. Bye again. And then more, yeah. More footsteps. Okay, he's done it for us. All right, Jesus.

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59:54Did you know that there's a victim of identity theft every two seconds? That makes it the number one crime in America. Wow. Well, luckily there's LifeLock. LifeLock detects threats to your identity. Then it alerts you when something looks suspicious. And if identity theft happens, they fix it guaranteed. That would be a good thing to know. That would, I mean, I'm sure if I got my identity stolen, I would just wait too long before I like. You might not even know it. That's true. You might not know it for a while. And then later on, someone says, by the way, how did you enjoy your six months stay in a castle in France?

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1:01:08Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is so good, it's almost impossible not to finish it before the meal arrives. It's just too good to wait. That happens to me sometimes. Me too. You can try rules like no sipping until the appetizer arrives or you tell your friend, don't let me touch my glass. But every time you're staring at an empty glass. So if you've ever finished your Coke Zero before the first fry hits the table, you're among friends. It happens. Occupational hazard with Coke Zero. Yeah. Real Coca-Cola taste, zero sugar, too good to wait. Enjoy an ice cold Coca-Cola zero sugar today.

1:01:49It's tradition that we have Flula sit in for the third act segment here. Wonderful. He is such a good guest. I enjoy him so much. I always say, why would we have him leave when he has nothing else going on professionally? Well, I checked. You have no automobile. I don't. And you have, I'm a pedestrian through and through. Yes. And I don't think you have an apartment. I refuse one. So anyway, he's going to help us out today. And what are we doing? Well, we're going to do a Review the Reviewers where we go to Apple Podcasts and we find a review and we read it. And we kind of comment on the review that's commenting on this show.

1:02:20So you can join us with any opinions or any thoughts you have on this. I may offer feedback to the feedback. Exactly. So many. Or you may have thoughts about how this podcast could be improved. I'm just assuming you're a huge fan. This is from listener KP in the Boston area. Five stars. Christoph Sposingas. You know him? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Title, best podcast to listen to during an MRI. Oh. I didn't know he was injured. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. You need to check up on your friends a little more. I feel very bad. Sorry about that, Chris Topps. I had an MRI recently, and the technician offered to let me listen to music on the provided headphones during the procedure.

1:02:57I immediately asked if the Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend podcast was available, and it was. Really helped keep my mind off the loud sounds of the MRA machine and claustrophobia. As I left the appointment, the tech said I did great. Then after a pause, he added, no one's ever requested Conan. Well, I say that more people should. Awesome podcast. I love you guys, and I'm sending extra love and support to Sona and her family. Hugs. Oh, that's very sweet. That is very sweet. My first question would be, I would love to watch the images of a brain that's listening to this podcast. What happens to the human brain?

1:03:31Just a flat line. It might be. I don't know. They might start to see areas of the brain light up that aren't supposed to light up. This is kind of insulting. Why? If I'm going to be honest. Because you have to be extremely still in an MRI, which means this person wasn't even giggling a little bit. Yes. Well, we don't know that. They were just listening to it. Maybe, maybe, maybe this person was laughing really hard. Their head was moving around. And they didn't get a really good scan. Well, the technician said that the person did great. You think that technician cares? You have a point. That technician, you do a point.

1:04:09The technician said that. This guy was lulled to sleep by this podcast. Shit, I didn't think about that. The calmest patient he's ever had. He said, I've never seen someone. I hear they've been playing this podcast during massages. Massage parlors and spas. You know, I've heard that they play our podcast when someone's having eye surgery. And if they move even a millimeter, they'll be blinded for life. and they say people were just completely rigid, unmoving, and almost frozen. Did you hear in the new Mission Impossible when he's defusing a bomb? He requests our podcast. Let's play season three.

1:04:47John Cruz's hand is shaking just slightly and he goes, play something! Heady bottle, heady bottle, heady bottle, heady bottle, heady bottle, doady bottle, doady bottle, doady bottle. And disengaged. Wow. You defuse the bomb at 35 seconds. not the required one second left for most action movies. Thanks, Conan. You know what? That's terribly insulting. I took it a different way. And then what I heard that you didn't hear is no one ever asked for Conan. Oh, that's true. That's the part I heard. I think they're used to getting music. So maybe you're the first ever podcast. I might be the first podcast.

1:05:26I might be the first podcast that's been listened to during an MRI. And you know what that stands for? Yes, Portland Trailblazers. Okay. Hey, you need an MRI. Definitely, yes. Have you had a checkup recently, Fula? I'm having a dentist upon tomorrow. Okay. Shall I request a Marie? Yes, you should. I would be fascinated to find out what would happen if they looked, if they could get inside your mind and look at it. Yes. I bet it would be just a lot of little gears made of chocolate turning around. Both of you guys. Like that exchange you had during the earlier interview, if you were both hooked up to MRIs during that.

1:06:02I think the MRIs would get up and leave. Yes. They'd be like the two grumpy men in the Muppets. Just leave. Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. Yes. Okay. Grumpy old MRIs. Yes. So we think that this guy was very still and didn't laugh at all during the MRI. Correct. Yes. They have to be very still. Hey, maybe it was one of those really serious podcasts I do. Don't you do an ASMR episode once a week? No. That's me trying to be funny. Oh, that's what that is. Yeah. Oh.

1:06:39Eduardo, cut. No. So you often listen to my podcast and think I'm just trying to make noises. When I have insomnia, it sounds like you're trying to open like a bag of Skittles. Then I'm out. That's me talking to Jeff Garland. Oh, that's what that was? It is literally a white noise. It does work A bag of skittles I love the way you say things Oh thank you Things You enhance words Things No just in general We speak You know what I'm talking about I do it's cool I heard you say it When I said boat Boat When you say boat Boat yes I just love it We're gonna need a bigger boat Yes Jaws From the phone of the mouth No it's called Jaws Not the mouth It's Jaws Okay What do you call E.T.?

1:07:32What? Weird guy Okay, weird guy

1:07:38Weird guy I think weird guy is just as good Weird guy is just as good as E.T. Same syllable amount Well, okay, yes, that's a good point Steven Spielberg's weird guy Steven Spielberg's weird guy Seminal movie From the guy who brought you the mouth Yeah If you like the mouth if you love the weird guy. What's Saving Private Ryan? Watch out, here it comes. It's just true. It's just true. Close encounters. They did come, the Americans came. Oh, yeah. Close encounters of the third kind. Oh, here they come again from outside. To the third degree. To the third degree, yes. Oh, my God. Well, I think you would agree then.

1:08:21I mean, what would your review of this podcast be? You, what would you say? Would you give us five stars? Yes. Dear Sona and Matt and Conan, I love very much your cast of pods. It is what I listen to during all of my surgeries, elective and otherwise. Please keep up the silent, non-emotional work. That's a wonderful review. Flewler, thank you for joining us for this segment. Hey, thank you for having me for this segment as well. Review the reviewers here on Conav. Conan O 'Brien needs a friend. Yes, of course. Yes, yes. Well, thank you once again, Flewler. you're free to leave and we'll add some sound effects of you leaving.

1:09:00Okay. And this time in wooden clogs. Yes, very German sure. Bye. Oh, I thought we were doing it. You did it. Nice. But that was a horse. No, it's good. That means I don't have to do any of this. That was a horse. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

1:09:34Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts And you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

1:10:23Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections for what teens see and who can contact them. Plus, time management tools. And Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences. Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com slash teen accounts.

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