Fun Facts About Colombia

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started hi david welcome to conan o 'brien needs a fan hey what's up guys hey david how are you hello hello sona hello matt hello conan oh i like that little gray hair coming out of your face which one of us yeah it's uh it's called a beard where we live uh yes yes but thank you thank you i i admire your beard as well you have you have a nice uh yeah it's it's going it's it's not that great but i have to have it until it comes out naturally good right it's gonna get there give it 15 more years and you'll be fine exactly david where are you contacting us from where are you in the world uh i'm right now i'm in bucaramanga colombia bucaramanga where is bucaramanga just uh it's just nearby florida Blanca.

1:04Perfect. Now I'm really honest. It's like an hour from the capital. It's about 30 meters south of Cucamonga and Javrabanga. I don't know. I'm the ignorant one here, but I don't know where that is. Don't worry. It's a one hour flight from the capital, Bogota. Okay. I was in Bogota when I I was a very young boy. Oh, really? Yeah. My father was on a trip for his work to visit a lot of cities in South America. And I think that one of the first stops was in Bogota, Colombia. And I was very self-conscious because I remember all the women walking up to me and touching. My hair was like carrot orange.

1:50And I had big freckles. And so women would come up and just touch my hair. Now today I would love that. Today I would love that. I would pray for that. But as a boy, it sort of upset me and terrified me, made me very self-conscious. That's my only memory of Bogota. Well, it's a beautiful city. My mother lives there, by the way. Okay. I think she was one of the women that touched my hair. I remember that. She said, one day my son, David, will also laugh at you.

2:25so David what is you tell me about your life how's it going what do you do well I'm 30 years old I know I don't look like it but yeah what do you mean you don't look like I would I think you look like a 30 year old guy yeah but I feel like 50 no I'm just kidding are you a club comedian What's happening here? I'm just kidding. Okay. All right. Okay. I'm an engineer. I'm an industrial engineer. And I have two jobs right now. I'm currently working at a manager at a pharmaceutical company. And I work at the city planning at the mayor's office. Oh, okay. Wow. You work for the city of Bucamanga. Florida Blanca.

3:12No, Florida Blanca. Oh, Florida Blanca. means white white florida okay well well it's kind of a that's kind of a very very talk about redundant yeah white florida um so i'm curious if you what do you so you work on statistics that's part of your job is that fun i mean it sounds a little dry it doesn't sound like it's that much fun well it's not that fun to be honest but um the thing is that i go to the communities and I make this work with the people. I mean, I try to gather all the data. So I work on my statistics. So I have to go to all the places of the city. Oh, so you get to travel all around.

3:55Exactly, yeah. Yeah, it's cool. I mean, sometimes we have to go to very dangerous places, but yeah, we try to make the best out of it. What kind of dangerous place do you go to? Well, the thing is that Florida Blanca has a great place that is called Barrios de Invasion, which it's the neighborhoods that people build their own houses, right? Like the favelas on Brazil, right? Yep. But we have to go there and we have to do a characterization of the population. And sometimes it can get a little dangerous. Do you mean sometimes you feel like your life is threatened? Basically, yes. Because they see you as an outsider coming in, asking a lot of questions, and they don't like that.

4:40Exactly, and we carry a lot of equipment, a lot of laptops and cell phones. So, yeah, things happen. Oh, you get stuff maybe taken from you and things like that. Exactly, yes. Well, that wouldn't happen if I was around. How come? I'm very physically intimidating. Okay. Not me, I mean, just the idea of me. Okay. Me in person is, yeah, I'd be immediately attacked. Also, it would be your reputation preceding you. Yeah, I'd send my resume ahead. And I think that would quiet all the. What are you just going to drop leaflets of your resume from C-130? With your resume around? No, I like Gourley's ideas.

5:19Weeks before I arrive every day, huge, huge dumps of my resume and my work over 30 years in the business. Maybe some old Simpsons episodes. And then I show up and I'm shown the proper respect. But yeah, short of that, I'll immediately be murdered. Yeah. So have you ever lived in the United States? Yes. As a matter of fact, I did in 2014. I lived in Ohio for six months. Oh. Yeah. Was this as a punishment of some kind? Oh, come on. It sounds like a sentence. You are to serve six months in Ohio, and then you may return to your beautiful Columbia. Yeah. Did you ever go to the real white Florida? I have.

6:07What did you do when you were in Ohio? Well, the thing is that there is a program called work and travel that allows you to go to the United States with a visa work permit. And you work four months over there and then you can travel for two more. Wow. Well, I went to Ohio. I work at a at a hotel at front desk at a hotel called Puddin Bay Resort. and it was a great experience. I mean, it had like really bad moments, but overall it was a great experience. I'd like to hear about the bad moments. What was the bad moments? Okay, I mean, the bad moments, I like to call it like the three days in hell.

6:48Sure, that does it. Three whole days in hell. Yeah, because four people came on a Tuesday. uh well to check in of course to the hotel and i checked them in and the guys seemed great uh there were two couples right and on the first night they come to the front desk really uh drunk and they asked me hey man can we use the jacuzzi and i was like no the jacuzzi service is up until 6 p.m and it was like 10 p.m right and they were keep going at it like come on man and no one's in the hotel because because the hotel was like dead on the weekdays right yeah and i was like saying no i'm not authorized to do that so one of the guys actually pulls up his wallet and takes out a hundred dollar bill and says look uh turn on the jacuzzi and i'm gonna give you a hundred dollars and well that was the first time i got bribed oh it worked yeah i mean welcome to america Yeah, David.

7:55How is the hell? Yeah, I mean, it's like you're making it. As soon as the bill touched my hand, I was like, okay, how many towels do you guys need? Let me just turn on the bubbles. Yeah, so what a wonderful morality tale you just told us, David. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So the first moment, it's like you are high on dopamine. Like, this is great. Yeah. But then you feel like kind of dirty. Like, oh, my God. Yeah. I just destroyed my whole integrity for$100, right? well that happened on the first night right i felt bad about it on the second night they come up to me exactly like 10 or 12 12 p.m and they go like hey we're gonna use the golf cart can we use the golf cart i'm like no no the service for the golf cart is up until yeah 5 p.m it goes again takes out his wallet and gives me a 50 and i'm like oh come on man just take out the goddamn golf cart.

8:51Yeah. Also, your way is$100. Yeah. First of all. Why'd you go down? You went down to 50? You're going to give a drunk people at night access to a golf cart and you're only getting $50? And that's not the worst part. They actually lost the golf cart. So I have to look for it. Well, wait a minute. Now I feel like I got to go to Ohio and find these people. Yeah. That's a whole other thing. What they don't tell you is that all the golf carts have the same key. So the golf cart got stolen and someone drove it and left it on the beach. Let me ask you a question. David, were you blamed for any of this?

9:30Did your employer get angry with you? No, I hope they don't see this. Well, you don't work there anymore. Yeah, you're safe. Yeah, I don't work there. You're very far from Ohio. Yeah, but I really felt bad about that. Yeah, those are the only two times I've got bride in my life, by the way. I just want to make that clear. Well, want to go for a third? Yeah. We can bribe him to do. Let's spitball. I don't know. Good question. Eat those flowers. I'd want to see the money first from this guy. Yeah, exactly. So what are your passions in life, David? What do you really love? Okay. Okay. I love to play tennis.

10:13As a matter of fact, I tried to go pro when I was 16, but it was really complicated. I mean, I played with the best players here in Colombia and they destroyed me. So, well, I gave up on that dream really fast. That's okay. I mean, it's good that you found out then. I pursued professional football for way too long before I realized I was no good at it. Well into my late 30s. He just kept putting on the uniform. I put on the uniform and videotape myself in the uniform, eating a bowl of oatmeal. And then I would send that around to all the top teams. And it never really got. No bites, huh? No bites.

10:54But eventually I had to learn. I had to learn.

11:03I also like movies. I like TV shows, movies. And as a matter of fact, my brother studied cinematography. Is that the word? Yeah, that's it. So he studied that here in Colombia. And he tried to look for a job in that thing, but he didn't find it. So he had to travel. He left Colombia and now he's currently living in California. Oh, well, yes, there's much more of that kind of work here in California. So, yeah, so he's trying to make him. He's trying to make movies over there. I don't know if you guys have heard about him. His name is James Cameron. He got me. Hey, I'm going to pay you$100 to stop making jokes.

11:51He got me. No, that one got me. That one got you. I'm sorry, but the California part is real. I don't know what's real with you anymore. You're a shapeshifter. One minute you're a city planner, you're doing valuable work for the government, but then you're running the front desk at some cheesy motel in Ohio, taking bribes. You're all over the map. You're a tennis star, or are you? Who knows? I don't know who you are, Dougie. Catch me if you can, this guy. Yeah, exactly. And I also play the piano. Sure you do. I do concerts, by the way. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. What's your favorite kind of music? Yeah. Well, I listen to everything.

12:27I mean, I can listen to reggaeton, but I can also listen to heavy metal. do metal. Yeah. Death metal. Oh. Oh, you like death metal? That kind of range. What's your favorite? What are your favorite bands? Your favorite death metal bands? Ooh, death metal bands. Well, I like, I wouldn't say Slipknot is a death metal band. Oh, Slipknot. They used to come on my show regularly. I like those guys. Really? Yeah, yeah. They were terrific. They put on a great show. But they're just regular metal. They're not death metal. Yeah, they're like power metal. Yeah, thrash metal. I mean, death metal Dr. Acula.

13:05It's a death metal band. Oh, I see what they're doing there. Dr. Acula. Yeah, I see it. I'm just piecing it together now, but I see what's happening. Let me see their diploma. Yeah, and their other band is Frank, middle initial N, Stein. N, Stein, exactly. No, but really, that's the name. Orthopedic surgeon Frank N. Stein. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for orthopedic surgeon Frank, middle initial Einstein two three four death death die die is that what you think death metal is just say death over the last death die die die die die death death rot rot rot rot you're in a never ending hole there is no nothing in the future black this black this death death death do you have a new favorite death metal artist David David come on that was pretty good oh well Well, you have to go a little bit down, like...

14:04Can you affect my voice, Eduardo? Yeah, I want to try and do this. This is a new death metal band called Dr. Orthopedic Surgeon Frank Enstein. I can do it in post if you want. Yeah, we'll do it in post. We're going down now, right? Heavy metal, heavy metal, death, death, death, death, die, die, die, die, die, die, run, run, run, run, run, run, run. There is no light in the future. you're in your coffin and you're dead and you're dead and you're in your coffin dead yeah that sounds amazing that's it and that's a ballad that was great that's a acoustic ballad wow so you like your you like your death metal do you do mosh pits yeah like do you go to concerts and do you do mosh pits well I used to not anymore to be honest I haven't I haven't been in a mosh pit in like 10 years yeah they've changed yeah His husband is big on mosh pits.

14:58Oh, okay. Well, yeah. And so is Matt O 'Brien, your head writer, likes to mosh it up. It's a nephew that I had to hire. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, you know, they like to mosh it up. Moshing is, but apparently there's, you know, you're not supposed to, I don't think it's mosh, moshing. I think it's pitting. Oh. I think there's like specific vernacular that goes with it. Okay. Wow. Yeah. Well, David, I noticed that you wandered off. oh no yeah i was just i was just trying to charge my computer can we bribe you to come back no it's a really good time to check on your electronics these two i'm sorry we had a good thing on mosh pits and then suddenly we're talking about all these people they don't know uh and wow what an incredible sack anyway i'm stuck in a hell of my own making david three days i would love to be touring those dangerous areas with you yeah that would be awesome as a matter of fact i have i i looked for four like fun facts about colombia and i have them right here oh wow one is that right here you have to look it up wow look at that you live there i just wanted to i just want to be completely sure about them one is that colombia is the most biodiverse country in the world wow that's exciting i mean it's there's always a struggle against brazil who's the most biodiverse i know and i'm tired of that old feud yeah i can't take it anymore uh for my money no when i travel i always say honey is this place biodiverse and um exactly yeah what's next how many species do they have yeah the next one is like uh how they have we have 4 000 species of orchids.

16:40David, David, David, you're not helping Colombia right now. That's also a sub-fact of the last fact. That's, yeah. Well, yeah, that's true. Okay, what's the next one? There are more greater variety of otter. What's the third one, David? What's number three and four? There's like 1 ,500 orchids that only can be found in Colombia. Yeah, yeah, I've been looking. Okay, what's number three? It's the country with the most precipitation per year.

17:19Wow, I've got to get there. There's orchids, biodiversity, and constant rain. Constant rain. Oh, I can't wait for number four. Oh, number four is going to be, this number four is going to be the one that seals the deal. Let's hear it. Yeah, but yeah, it's a beautiful country. It has beautiful beaches. Wait, what's number four? Oh, wait. Even you got bored. Hold on. The fourth one is we have the most bird diversity in the world. Javi! Javi!

18:03You're also the most diverse in your diversity. Yeah. But you don't have very much diversity in your fun facts. No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I looked for them 10 minutes ago. No, it's okay. Sounds like. Well, you prepared more than most people do. Yeah. I'll give that to you. I think you just lost your government job.

18:29Well, David, you seem like a really nice guy. You really do. And I'm glad you know us through the podcast. Is that how you know us? No, as a matter of fact, I've been a huge fan since like your days in The Simpsons. Oh, wow. As a matter of fact. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I was able to watch your show when I lived in Ohio. That was the first time I watched your show. And I've been following it ever since on YouTube. Oh, cool. Great. Well, I'm glad you're checking it out. And that's the reason most people emigrate to America is to try and catch up on what I'm up to. That's a statistic that I don't want you to look into.

19:06That's just trust me on that. Yeah. And I love the remotes. Oh, thanks. And I always, yeah, I always thought about you coming here to Colombia and making like a really great remote. What would the remote be about if I came to Colombia? Orchid searching, right? No. What kind of things can you imagine? You say you're familiar with my style of comedy and the kind of remotes I do. What do you think I'd be doing if I came to Columbia? Okay. First, we would have to go to the beaches. I mean, they're beautiful. And girls would love to see a six-foot tall man, really white guy on the beach with a little shorts.

19:45I don't think they'd be amused. But I think that's the extent to which they would like it. They'll come rub your head. Yeah. Oh, true. Oh, yeah, exactly. Well, that's quite erotic. It wasn't when I was younger, but now I think I'm in the right age. We would go to Bogota, and we would try to go into a telenovela, which is really big here in Colombia. Cool. We would go, if it's possible, to the Amazon. I mean, we have a big chunk of the Amazon, and it's beautiful, really biodiverse. Yes. So you and I would get, would we get in a canoe and go down, would we go down the river? The Amazon? Yeah, exactly.

20:29And see the pink dolphins. Oh. We have pink dolphins, by the way. Oh, why? Yeah, what happened? What happened to them? I don't know. You know what? Someone was washing them and put a red T-shirt in there. Oh, come on. That's what happened. That's how you get a pink. I'm sorry. Who put the red shirt in here? Well, listen, David, it's been very nice getting to chat with you. You seem like a nice young man. I think you're doing good work. Be careful in those dangerous spots. Look after yourself. And try to enjoy some of what Columbia has to offer. The orchids. I will. the pink dolphins um more types of orchids and then uh other orchids the birds the birds the rain is it raining right now where you are not really it's really sunny yeah it will rain very soon yeah because i've heard your precipitation is off the charts yeah exactly well nice talking to you david really and i hope our plans will have a good time yeah as a matter of fact one last thing that I want to say is that my brother's getting married in California in March 25 and I'm going to be over there and I just wanted to shout out to my brother and Lauren.

21:54I'm really happy for you guys. That's so sweet. That's really nice. Alright, well... You guys are invited to the wedding. Okay. Where is it at? Yeah, where is the wedding going to be? It's in Oakland. Okay. Well, anyway, best of luck, David. And I hope you have a great time at the wedding. Hey, thank you very much. It was such a pleasure to meet you guys. Thanks, David. Lovely to talk to you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovcesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solateroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

22:39Music by Jimmy Vivino Supervising producer Aaron Blair Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm Engineering by Eduardo Perez Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded

23:07This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher