Gillian Anderson

25:38Disclaimer, please do not throw your phone into the Grand Canyon.

25:43Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is so good, it's almost impossible not to finish it before the meal arrives. It's just too good to wait. That happens to me sometimes. Me too. You can try rules like no sipping until the appetizer arrives or you tell your friend, don't let me touch my glass. But every time you're staring at an empty glass. So if you've ever finished your Coke Zero before the first fry hits the table, you're among friends. It happens. Occupational hazard with Coke Zero. Yeah. Real Coca-Cola taste, zero sugar, too good to wait. Enjoy an ice cold Coca-Cola zero sugar today.

26:23Show had an incredible impact. And famously, there's this term, the Scully effect, where a lot of young women were watching. And it was unusual at that time, sadly. To see a smart woman on TV. Yeah, to see a really smart, empowered, independent woman on television who was incredibly well-educated and confident. And an equal to her co-worker. Yeah. Yeah. And so. In principle. Yeah. Not a bauble, not a, you know. And this was, a lot of women have said they saw that show and it made them want to go into STEM, made them want to maybe try to be in the FBI, which is remarkable. Yeah. What a great. I still have people coming up to me and telling me that they are in, you know, a physicist because of Scully or a police officer or, you know, name the fill in the blank.

27:20Yeah. It still happens. Yeah. That's a lot. I mean, that's a, I don't know. It's a nice. It's cool. It's a nice gift. It's very cool. I mean, it's, it's been written into textbooks and stuff and still, you know, not only does it still exist in a way, even though, you know, it isn't a weekly TV show. But there's a lot of people whose lives the show really affected, whether they watched it with their parent who's no longer alive or they watched it during a difficult period of time for them. I know I still have people that come up to me that say they watch it every day. It feels like a rite of passage for them to pass it on to their kids.

28:01And so there are a whole new generations that are discovering it, which is pretty awesome. Yeah. You make friends with all these people you haven't met in a way. You have this very powerful connection, which is nice and it's enduring. I applaud you. And I also applaud myself. Why you? I just thought it for symmetry. No. You know, looking at how you look on the page. You want to make sure that Julian has applauded. This is a time we can have a widow.

28:33You have so many great performances, but I love the show The Crown, and you played Margaret Thatcher on The Crown, and you were stunning. Absolutely stunning. Margaret Thatcher fascinates me. I know that she's very controversial, to say the least, in England, but you made me sympathize with her. I was really blown away. There's a part in your performance where Thatcher realizes she's losing power. Your depiction of her, this, I mean, famously, this woman of steel, the Iron Lady, it was just fantastic. and I'm wondering how do you approach, okay, you're going to play someone, everybody knows this person, thousands of hours of footage of her, but you made her your own.

29:24I don't even understand how that, I know it's called acting, but I don't know how you take on a project like that. So I knew I was going to be doing it for some time, so I had a good run up to it. And although the scripts weren't written yet, But as you say, there's a ton of material out there. She'd written a couple of autobiographies. And so I started listening to one of them on replay in my car when I was driving. And I did a lot of driving at the time with kids and stuff. And so that was one way in. there was also a series, a BBC six-part series that happened to exactly during that time while I was doing preparation, which was also the most personal take on her, the most insight into the behind the scenes of her life during those years.

30:25And some of the most helpful footage that was in there, which had never really been seen before, was there were a couple of interviews that she did where she doesn't know that the camera is rolling. So even though you've got these, you've got other documentaries that have been made about her or little snippets for TV shows, you know, when she's showing people around number 10 or she's, you know, got her apron on because she's in the kitchen and she's making coffee for her ministers or whatever it is, she's still on camera so that's a a public version of herself trying to be the every woman you know and but these moments before she would do an interview she didn't know the camera was rolling and she was going through her lines in her head um or one of them was practicing a speech and she was you know uh working on the lines in her head she was bending down to her purse to take a sweet out and put it in her mouth.

31:21I mean, these are like gold, right? You don't get to see that stuff. And so the mixture of the little tidbits of pseudo behind the scenes that you got to see in this doc and also these moments of vulnerability were really, really helpful. And, you know, one just starts, it was important to maintain, for instance, a little bit of my own voice within her voice to not push too hard into her. I really didn't want it to feel like it was pantomime. And there was enough with the costumes and with the wig and her particular walk and all that, it would be quite easy to kind of slip into that. So somebody said something that was really valuable, which is you get quite a lot for free when you cast me as Margaret Thatcher.

32:19So I don't have to work for those things that I know, you know, just in terms of my seriousness or my ability to look like I might be intelligent, even if I might be thinking about my socks or, you know what I mean? I just have a resting intelligent face, even if I'm the least smart person in the room, right? Resting intelligent face. I love that. I'm going to try and... Oh, no. Oh, no. It's not working. It's not working. I'm looking even dumber somehow. And so that was really helpful because it felt like I could let go of trying to fill in those blanks and just work on... Anyway, so, but, you know, as with anything, you try, you prepare, you do your best, you show up and then you just, I mean, I really felt like I was like crossing my fingers before it came out because I didn't know.

33:15I didn't know if it would work. I didn't know if I'd be ridiculed. I didn't know if people who really knew her would say, oh my God, what a joke. I mean, why did I cast her in the first place? You know what I mean? You don't know. And so it was, um, it was nice to get. Yeah, it was absolutely spectacular. And I know stage is a big part of your life. You did this production of a streetcar. Oh, I knew it. Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, no, no, I understand, I understand.

33:45That's not what I was going to say. Oh, okay. Yeah. It was a different production. Oklahoma, you were fantastic. You were just perfect. No, your streetcar is just kind of famously amazing. I know that you've talked about the anxiety you have. When I see, when I go to the theater, even though I'm nominally in show business, I am terrified for actors going up on their lines. Yeah. It can be hard for me to relax. And, you know, obviously if it's someone like John Lithgow in Giant, I know, okay, John's got this. You don't have to worry. But I can't imagine it any more terrifying than being in front of an audience and going up on your lines.

34:32Thanks. Thanks, Conan. Thank you so much. I'm about to do a play. I start rehearsal next Monday. Okay. Thank you. It was nice to meet you. It was really nice having you. So let's see. It'll be 32 years until I see you again. We're like comets that pass each other, but not in a good way. What? But you're so, I don't know. It stunned me a little bit that that would be a concern of yours when you're so good. It's always a concern. And also just brain stuff, you know, as we get older. I talk about this all the time. He was just talking about this before you came in. Yeah. I came in this morning and I put, I mean, I realized on the drive to work that my wedding finger was on the other hand.

35:27Your wedding finger. The wedding finger. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. You joke about it, but I'm telling you there are days where I'm convinced. Yeah. I mean, that's a very primal thing to do, to switch the rings on the different hands. I don't know. It's just rings. I also had a lot to drink this morning. That's more. But I just. No, the brain stuff. I can't necessarily rely on it, or I don't feel like I can 100%. I know other actors who Olivia Colman famously will memorize on the way to work in the car. Paragraphs. And be ready and word perfect. I would literally give my lower half of my body for that.

36:10For that. So specific. How do you walk around on stage? She only plays Franklin Roosevelt.

36:23She's playing Roosevelt again?

36:29Yeah. So, you know. I'll do my best well I'm sorry I wish I could encourage you but there's no nothing to indicate that this you're gonna make it in the theater there's just nothing you're in terrible trouble wowzer no I mean you know if only you had done some past work that would recommend let's talk about teenage sex and death at Camp Miasma I knew nothing about the film I got to watch it last night I love going in knowing nothing. And whenever even someone tries to tell me, sometimes in the notes, they'll say, you know, this is about, and I intentionally don't look, but it has a fantasy element to it.

37:15The visuals, it feels, it's a heightened reality. yeah it's really great it's you hannah einbinder i'm a i adore her and so when i found out both of you were in this i was like i am down i'm gonna like this and i really did it's unusual it's it's i haven't quite seen a movie like this um so it's jane schoenbrun who did um i saw the tv glow and um uh we're all going to the world's fair and um this feels very much like it's in conversation with TV Glow in a way, but it's a queer slasher film and there's a lot of blood, but it's very funny and it's not very scary. It's really funny and the blood often feels comedic.

38:04Yes. It's not... It's Monty Python blood. Yeah, it's Monty Python blood. You know, someone's head will get lopped off and just an amount of blood coming out of the neck and the force with which it comes out is cartoon. It's a cartoon in places, But I think what I liked so much about the story is Hannah's looking for Jillian, who's this reclusive, you know, reclusive actor who is in this very famous slasher film and has has retired and is living up in the area where they shot the film. And I love how you don't want to be told the plot. I know. You're telling everybody. Oh, fuck you. You know, right.

38:44And let me tell you who did it. But there have been many, many iterations of this film. There have been many remakes that have kind of bastardized it over the years. And so Hannah's character, Chris, has been given the opportunity to remake the film as she believes it should have always been remade in its second iteration. And so she comes looking for me to convince me to be a part of it. And then it kind of turns into a bit of a romance. Yeah. And I love that your characters are re-watching the old movie up at the camp where they shot the movie. It's like an Escher drawing, the hand drawing the hand.

39:37It's this great conceit that they're in a horror movie, but they're studying a horror movie. I think you'll really love it. I'm looking forward to it. And now you know what it's all about. But I haven't really given much away. Or have I? It's just a lovely film. It really is. And so I'm happy for you about that. And I really also want to talk about more because this book, I believe, will be coming out in September. You put out a book called Want. And it was, I would say, like a labor of what would you call it? A labor of love that you this was something you really this is something you really wanted to put out there.

40:15Yeah, so I was actually approached while I was doing sex education, which was a series I did on Netflix. I was playing a sex therapist and to Asa Butterfield's character was my son. And a lot of publishers had approached me through my book agent saying, you know, would I be interested in doing a book as a therapist or talking to women about their sex lives, etc., etc. And, you know, she had rejected a few offers. And then she had an idea, which is in 73, which is the same year as Roe v. Wade, Nancy Friday put together a book called My Secret Garden. And it was a collection of letters that she had collected from her community of friends and women writers.

41:15She asked them to anonymously submit their fantasies to her, and then she published them and she wrote introductions to the book and to the chapters. And so the idea was that we could do one again and see if anything's changed since the 70s, particularly given the state of the porn industry and our collective addiction to it and just how much sex is out there and available to everybody at all times. has that affected our ability to be honest with both ourselves and our sexual partners about what it is that we, our deepest, most intimate thoughts and also shame around it. Is there for me, I was really interested to know whether there was, whether because of how second nature sex and sexuality and such a, the forefront of so many conversations and advertisements and TV shows and et cetera these days, has that had an impact on women's internal lives and their sense of themselves, their bodies, their levels of sex?

42:39of self-acceptance and shame, et cetera. And so when my agent brought up the idea of doing this book, it made sense to me. Because I was on the show, I thought it would be really interesting to know the answer. And I thought, you know what, it makes sense that I do this based on the character that I play, based on the fact that simultaneously I was also launching a functional drinks brand called G-Spot. I was going to ask you about G-Spot You know where to find it

43:17It's just about the soft drinks Every time I look, I can't find it They say, no, it's right next to the Pepsi I'm like, I still can't find it I'll send you so All along it was next to the Pepsi And so I thought it would be a great idea So, you know, we pitched it out and we went with Bloomsbury and with Bloomsbury, we set up a portal, a secure portal and invited women around the world to send in letters. And we got, you know, a lot, a lot, a lot. And we narrowed it down to 174. And I wrote introductions, an introduction to the book and to the chapters. And that was want. And it had, I remember about shortly after I had put the call out, so to speak, for women to write in, I was doing press for a Netflix film that I did called Scoop.

44:15And I was talking, I was in New York talking to women journalists and they didn't want to talk about Scoop. They wanted to talk about this book that I was about to do. And I thought, oh, this is really interesting. There is actually a big appetite for it, and women are curious. And, you know, it did well enough that we thought we'd do another one and try and reach even more women. The point of it is for it to be as inclusive and diverse and raw as possible. And I think that this new one is even bolder, even more audacious. audacious yeah and um yeah i'm i'm there's some really extraordinary well the fact that there's this um i mean it needs to be anonymous so people feel completely safe yeah and uh i don't know how you grew up but what's fascinating to me and i you know loved my parents and had a i think a happy childhood but um sex was just never discussed in any way and it was almost nullified like It's just not a thing.

45:24Even though I'd look around and realize there's six of us. Born literally like 10 months apart. So something's going on somewhere. But it, and that was the - Something's going on somewhere. You were egg hatched. Golly, something's up. I'm a good detective. I have my little Sherlock Holmes cap. And I think however much that was so for me, even probably more so for, you know, the women in my family. I think it was really, you know, that's just not something that exists or desire or anything like that. It was something that wasn't discussed. And so it shouldn't be shocking and it shouldn't be any kind of revelation, but flipping through the book and just reading all of these fantasies by these different women is incredible.

46:16It's really amazing. Who knew that they could feel pleasure? Well, women? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, well, women I've been with. Well, maybe not them. Definitely not them. I'm saying, yeah. Some of them have written into this book. And they haven't even redacted your name. No. Or theirs. my wife wrote in seven times to this i can tell she's like but also what's remarkable about it is there is such you know there's such tenderness and joy and and um uh so much heart um and loneliness and you know there are women in there who are you know haven't even you know have maybe just gone through puberty girls there are women who haven't lost their virginity yet there are women in their 70s who talk about just wanting to be kissed and held because they've never really had that in relationship before.

47:23And it's really remarkable, but it also begs more investigation when you start to read it, or even if you imagine yourself writing a fantasy down, you know, the transference from it being in the sacredness and the secret space of your mind to transfer it onto a piece of paper or onto a computer, let alone send it through the ethers to a publishing house. But once you start to ask the question, what is it that I want? What is it that I dream about? What's the gap between what my fantasy is and what my experience is? A lot of people, if they fantasize, wouldn't necessarily want the fantasy to actually happen.

48:21But if you start to ask questions about, you know, am I getting what I need in that area of my life? And if I'm not, how am I participating in me not getting that? And therefore, if I am complicit in that relationship of not getting what I want, also, are there other areas of my life that I have needs and wants that I'm not expressing and I'm keeping myself from experiencing the fullness of what I could in my life? And so really deep questions start to take place when you start to interrogate these things. And I think phones and the ubiquity of the internet has really complicated things because there's a whole generation that feels they can get a lot of their needs met just on their phone.

49:17And what is that interrupting? What is that dampening? I was listening to a long, I think it was a New York Times podcast about it where they said people that say, why risk going out and meeting people and possibly getting rejected and having all the discomfort and weirdness that might go with a hookup when I can stay in and watch pornography and I'm safe and no effort. Yeah. So, you know, it's really great that you're doing these books. It really is. And I'm sure a lot of people are getting a lot of solace information and not feeling alone. Yeah. Not feeling like, oh, this is just me. I'm ashamed.

49:58Something's, I'm a freak. Something's wrong with me. Yeah. Well, I've done some events to raise funds for charity around it. I did in the UK at the Barbican and Royal Albert Hall, did events in full houses inviting women and men and everything in between, hearing a handful of celebrities reading from the book. And just this sense of unity and recognition and joy and hilarity. And in this new book, the two letters that I talk about the most, just one for the juxtaposition, but also because it shows the multitudes of complexity within a woman's experiences. There's one woman who fantasizes about being in a vat of spaghetti and naked.

50:58And she's sliding around and there are meatballs sliding around. Oh, that one was mine. That one was mine. Well, thank you so much. It's gotten so much attention, that one. I love spaghetti. It really had nothing. It was not an erotic fantasy at all. It's just she loves spaghetti. Yeah, yeah. But it's really delightful and it really sticks in people's minds. And then another woman who has recently had a double mastectomy who is curious about not just relearning her new body, but having the experience of learning it and feeling it again through somebody else and their experience of it. So looking forward to having a sexual experience, but with this new body and exploring what, you know, the different ways that she can feel again something that she hasn't for quite a while.

52:05And, you know, obviously that's incredibly moving and, you know, extraordinary that somebody took the time to write about that and to send it in and to share that very vulnerable experience. So there's a very wide range of. But also, I'm sure healing for them to get this book and see that they're in there. And they've. Yeah. They're being heard. Yes. In a very powerful way. Yeah, I've got one more story, which is at the last or the penultimate event that I did at the Barbican, Olivia Wilde read a particular story about a woman who fantasized, who moved into a new neighborhood with her husband and good friend for, they've been married for a long time.

52:56And there was a woman who lived down the street in her new neighborhood and she fantasized about her. After the show, I did a meet and greet to raise more money for charity. And a woman was there and she said, my letter was read tonight. Oh, wow. And I said, wow, which one? And she said, if you don't mind telling me. She had a meatball on her head. She still had spaghetti sauce on the side of her face. Let me guess. She said the one that Olivia Wilde read. I was trying to think, I was trying to think. And she said, and this is my new partner. Oh, wow. That's great. She was actually there sitting in the audience with the woman that she was now partnered with, having fantasized about.

53:48And I have to say, the book is not a proponent for leaving long-term relationships and, you know, throwing a wrench into your lives. But at the same time, you know, that's an extraordinary story and experience. And those things happen for people. It's remarkable. Yeah. It really is remarkable. Just want to make sure that, yeah, Want is the original, which is always available. And More is coming out, I think, in a couple of weeks when this drops. September 10th, I think, yeah. Yeah. And Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma is a wonderful film. Doesn't roll off the tongue, that title. but it's really wonderful and it has been way too long since I had a chance to talk to you and you're remarkable, really are and so thrilled that you could make the time to come in and talk to us.

54:38Really great. Thank you, that was such a pleasure. It's nice to see you again. Nice to see you as well. Well, that's our time. I've never ended that way. I'm pretending we're a radio show now. It's news and weather now, 10 on the 10th. Oh, by the way, the wellness drink, the G-Spot. So it's not actually a wellness drink. No, no, no. It's like a healthy, functional soda. So it's got adaptogens and nootropics in it, like lion's mane and cordyceps and et cetera. Great. One is called Lift, and it's red berries and serowate pepper. And there's one called Protect, which is ginger and peppercorn. It also has turmeric and vitamin Bs and Cs and stuff.

55:18And then there's Soothe, which is scarlet apple and sage. and it's got chaga and it's got a lot of sage. It's apparently really good also with gin. I'm listening. Or you can just have gin. You can just have gin. No, but it's a really good mix or two. And then there's what's now called Awaken, which is a bit of an aphrodisiac, which we have actually wrapped in collaboration with Mubi for the film. And it's usually purple. And the liquid itself is a beautiful purple color because it's got butterfly pea in it, which is, it's real, like scientific name is clitoroli or something like that or something with oracle in it.

56:05This is the one for me. But it's a very, it's a, it's, yeah, it gets your blood pumping a bit. Anyway, so we wrapped it like the movie with Little Death on the front and stuff. And so it's. I'm going to check that out. Those sound really good. Fashion fruit and habanero, that one. You know, we'll get some and bring it in here and have a tasting. I will get some sent to you guys. Don't worry about it. I'll get some sent. Well, thank you so much. Thank you. Again, it was amazing. Yeah.

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57:44Yeah, you're not on your hogs then. Yeah, if you're gonna ride a hog and by that I mean a pig, you shouldn't be having an alcoholic beverage but you slide right off and you say, hey, stay right there, oinky. I'm gonna have my Miller Lite. And it's like, oink, oink. And you're like, whatever, dude. High five me and it gives you its little hoof. The hog high fives you? Yeah. These are trained. These are trained hogs. An All-American summer starts with an All-American beer. And what's that beer? It's Miller Lite. Go to MerrillLite.com slash corner to find delivery options near you. Do it now, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

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58:59Okay, David Hopping has an item he wants to bring to our council meeting. What do you got there, David? Thank you for having me. I have found a quiz online that is called platonic healthy relationship slash friendship quiz. And we are going to find out if you two have a healthy relationship. Okay. This is all going to be really Sona's answers. Yes. You're welcome to chime in. But there's 20, there's, we'll do as, no, we'll just do as many. So this is a quiz to determine if we could have a healthy platonic relationship or if we do have one. Or if we do have one. Yeah. Okay, so we're going to start Sona, number one.

59:35Yes. Is Conan supportive of your passions, work, hobbies, and other aspects of your life? Yes or no? Actually, yes. He is very, very supportive. Yes. Does he encourage you to try new things? Do you encourage? Yeah, you do. You encourage me to get outside of my comfort zone. Yeah. And to like, I do suggest, you know, try doing some work at some point. That's it. That's a new thing. So yes. Does he listen to you when you need support? He does. He actually, you know what? I thought this was going to go another way. This is going really well. Like, does he smack cookies out of your hand? Does he respect your boundaries physically, emotionally, related to your time or otherwise?

1:00:10Oh, no. Boundaries? I do not. If she's eating any food item and seems to be enjoying it, I will slap it out of her hand. If I'm wearing a hair bun, he will slap it until it unravels. He constantly shakes me. I'll just shake some sense into you. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Does he create opportunities for you to spend time with people other than himself?

1:00:31Are there people other than myself? so that would be a no that's a no that's a no uh does he encourage you to balance your time between the relationship and other aspects of your life you know what yeah i think i do that this is this is sincere you do i do like when you take care of your kids and when you you know i have fun yeah you have a healthy approach to it does he respect you for who you are and doesn't try to change you. Oh, no. He doesn't respect me. Actually, I mean. I did try to change you for a long time and then I gave up. I don't know if you respect me for who I am. I think you tolerate who I am.

1:01:11Oh, God, no. No, no respect. So we're going to say no. No respect. Is this person not well liked by your friends or family? Oh, God. No, they love him. Come on. I know. That's one of the most frustrating things about you. Does your dad know I do an impression of him where I put my finger under my nose and pretend it's a mustache? Yeah, when you call him Geppetto and stuff, he knows all this stuff and he still likes you as a person. I think he knows it's good stuff. Oh, God. Does he text or call you constantly wondering where you are? I mean, yeah. Yeah, back in the day, especially. Has he ever accused you of not being a loyal member of this relationship?

1:01:46No, I haven't. No, no, no. I've always said for all of her flaws, and there are too many to count here. She's one of the most. I trust. I trust Sona with my life. You know, I'm ride or die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK. Does he tell you to change how you look? Yes, he does. Yeah. She's got to. Yeah. Like you talk about me getting an industrial press to straighten my hair. Yeah. But also your clothes. I give you a hard time if you wear the same leather jacket for years and years and years and years and years and years on end like to everything. Big, big. Yes. Yes. He make you check in a lot to update him on what you're doing.

1:02:21Yes. Yes, I do. Yeah. This is hysterical. I'm curious to see how this is going to end up. Always tells me I need to support them and is never there for me when I need support. Wait, no, I support Sona. He supports me. That's like kind of the first question. Yeah. Does he ever make you feel bad about yourself? Yes, all the time. Absolutely. The only way to fix Sona is to get her to realize the monster she already is.

1:02:45Does he ever limit your access to your own money? And does he control the finances you share responsibility for? Can I say something? If I could control Sona's money, I would. Yeah. Because it would be so much fun. But I don't do that. He is the source of my money. The golden goose. Has he ever spread a rumor about you? Yes. All the time. That I steal. That I am an immigrant. That you floated to this country? Yeah. That I floated. There was a goat attack in Armenia. Yeah. Your father built a boat out of some thatch, put you in the ocean. You floated. I think I said you came ashore somewhere around San Diego.

1:03:19Yes. And that's when I found you and taught you to put on clothes and yeah. And how to speak English. Yeah. Like I jumped out of a I think your words were I jumped out of a bush when you were walking down the street and I was like it was only a feral creature. That's what I said to Rolling Stone magazine. They print. Yeah, they printed it. Yeah. So, yes. Yes. I hope this answer is no. Does he ever pressure you to engage in physical touch like hugging or holding hands, etc.? I mean, not sexually, but he, you know. No, no. Do I ask you to do anything? No. Oh, no. No. No. Of course not. Does he ever blame or shame you when you ask for help or support?

1:03:51Yes. Yes. Does he ever make you feel like you need to change part of who you are and that you can't be your authentic self? Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I don't like your authentic self. Do you ever feel like you're walking on eggshells around Conan? Yes, absolutely. 100%. If I wear a shirt that's slightly different than what I normally wear, I'm worried. And I think everybody is that you're going to make a, if God forbid I wore a denim jacket, you'd be like, hey, Leno called and he wants his shirt back.

1:04:22not only would i say that i do say that does he ever yell belittle or humiliate you in front of other people oh my god yeah i see where this thing is going does he ever yeah yes does he ever grab push shove kick punch slap or hurt you physically in any way yes all of those 100 every single one One of those. Everything you listed. And also, is there a place you can write every day? Is there an unceasing box? Does Conan ever have big mood swings? They may be yelling at you one minute, then apologizing the next. That is Conan. I am six feet, four inches, 193 pounds of mood swings. All right. Three more questions.

1:05:03Yes. Does Conan ever try to control what you do, who you see, or how you spend your time? Yes, absolutely. 100%. Yes, yes. Does he ever get jealous or possessive? Yes. When I was working for you, I wouldn't say jealous or possessive, but you'd be like, I am. I should be the number one priority in your life. Things like that. Before I had kids, of course. I still think I should be the number one priority. All right. OK, yeah. They're just kids. You can always get other ones. That's why he called them rub and tug in the belly, because you were angry that they were existing. Yeah, you started. They were growing inside you and I was enraged.

1:05:35I think he said that to Shaq. He did. Yeah. What did I say to Shaq? When you were talking to Shaq, you said you wanted to call Sonos Kids Rub and Tug. And Shaq liked it. And he agreed. Do you remember his suggestions for names were Mark and Marco? They were the same names. Yeah. But he did say he'd do an Icy Hot commercial. He'd do one and he'd give the proceeds for their college fund. Nice. All right, last question. Does Kona ever put you down, call you names, or criticize you? Oh, my God. Yes. I don't understand. And a bunch of these questions, I feel like they know me when they made this. It really is.

1:06:12This is from like a university website too. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So now I need to tally these up. All right. You'd be tallying. I want everyone to take this test. You'd be tallying while Sona and I talk. Yeah. You know, I think, I don't know. I think this is going to go poorly for me, this test. That's my, you know, it's one of those things where I don't even need the driving instructor to tell me. Yes. Because there's a postman on my windshield bleeding out. So I don't need to be told that this test didn't go well. I know that, but the facts remain. I love you. I care about you. You're a very important person in my life.

1:06:45I'm very proud of you. But my behavior towards you is completely insane. It's abhorrent. Abhorrent. And it's everybody. I mean, what if Blay got the question, does he ever beat you or kick you? And Blay, because of his size and strength, I am allowed to actually hit. Yeah. It's Blay and like maybe now it's down to, because people that write for me, a lot of them can't handle it. It used to be Michael Komen was the main. Michael Komen, terrific, terrific writer. Matt O 'Brien is still. Matt O 'Brien still. And no relation. But Matt O 'Brien, yeah, I will pummel him. And if I see, if I just saw, you know, a caution sign on the side of the road, I would pull it out of the ground and be beating him with the iron sign.

1:07:28And that's my way of showing love. That's true. Yeah. I'm more worried the days you don't hit me. I know, I think that's the thing. if you did like respect me and didn't make fun of me and I'd be like we need to get him to a hospital I remember the first time you made fun of me Sona pulled me aside and was just like just so you know that's a really good thing yeah you want that this is how it works in abusive relationships you've made it David yeah alright do you want the results yeah let's hear it you guys scored 24 out of it just says 30 plus you are most likely in an abusive relationship Well, I could have told you.

1:08:09I could have told you that. This isn't meant to name your experience and just hopes to serve as an opportunity to connect you with people who can help you. If you feel unsafe with this person, help is available. Yeah. I love that, first of all, this is just between us. This will never go out to the larger world. And oh, are these microphones? Yeah, they are. And cameras. And cameras. Yeah, that's, well, there you have it. There you have it. And I don't dispute any of that. And I would have, the first question should have been, is Sona an abusive relationship with you? And I would have said, oh, yeah.

1:08:47That could have been done in one question. The first question should have been, do you work for Conan O 'Brien?

1:08:55A true monster. A true monster. But I meant what I said. I love you. I care about you. I don't hit you. you know I bat it food out of your hands and I will if you have your hair up in a top knot I will knock it loose so it cascades down but physical stuff you know I make sure that it's someone like Blay who can really take it and Blay you're free to make it stop at any time maybe we'll see I think it's an honor I don't know how you feel I love getting abused by you I don't know what that says about me I probably wish they could get hit by Conan. I know, but this is the best job I've ever had. I'm not going anywhere.

1:09:37I honestly think it's great. It's like brothers. It's like we're siblings. Well, I grew up, all I did was, my brothers and I would fight. It would be fake fighting, but it was a lot of, so that, there's ways in which my, many ways in which my development was arrested, if you will. I think we're all substitutes for your siblings. Yeah. And that's, you know, we're all paying the price. And they're still paying the price too. You think I moved on from them? I just got more. All right. Well, David, this was a really good idea. Thank you. This was fun. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

1:10:15Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

1:10:30Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan.

1:11:05And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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