In short
Podcast Notes: Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Episode with Harrison Ford
Episode Overview
- Guest: Harrison Ford
- Description: In this episode, Conan O’Brien converses with legendary actor Harrison Ford, who shares his experiences from his early career and discusses his upcoming film, *Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny*. The episode is filled with humor, banter, and exploration of friendship.
Key Themes and Discussions
Harrison Ford's Initial Confusion
- Opening Remarks: Harrison expresses confusion about being Conan's friend amidst a humorous exchange about their past interactions.
- Dynamic: Conan and Harrison establish a playful and teasing dynamic, highlighting their long history and mutual respect.
Career Reflections
- Name Change: Harrison shares a story about being advised to change his name early in his career, revealing the name he was suggested: Kurt Affair.
- Acting Journey: He discusses his beginnings in Hollywood during the western genre boom, sharing anecdotes about roles in shows like *Gunsmoke* and *The Virginian*.
Humor and Banter
- Conan’s Anecdotes: Conan reminisces about Ford’s previous appearances on his late-night shows, describing them as some of his favorite moments due to Ford's humor.
- Millennium Falcon Incident: The conversation shifts to a memorable moment where Harrison famously smashed a Lego Millennium Falcon during a late-night segment, which has become iconic.
Friendship Dynamics
- Friendship Goals: The episode centers on Conan's quest to make genuine friendships with his guests, with Harrison Ford being a significant figure in this narrative.
- Teasing About Friendship: Conan asserts that he and Harrison are friends, despite the lack of exchanged numbers, while Matt and Sona challenge this notion humorously.
Harrison Ford's Personal Insights
- Cinema Experience: Harrison shares thoughts on the importance of watching films in theaters and the communal experience of cinema.
- Upcoming Film: Discussion of *Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny*, with both actors conveying excitement about the film's release.
Final Thoughts and Advice
- Sincere Praise: Conan expresses genuine admiration for Harrison, highlighting the joy he brings to people and the impact he has had on fans.
- Closure: The episode wraps up with Conan congratulating Sona on her recognition as *Alumna of the Year* at Mt. SAC, providing a personal touch to the ending.
Key Takeaways
- Legacy of Harrison Ford: His career spanning over 70 films and enduring status as a Hollywood icon.
- Friendship and Connection: A recurring theme where Conan seeks authentic friendships with his guests.
- Humor and Playfulness: The light-hearted and comedic exchanges throughout the episode contribute to its engaging nature.
- Cinematic Experience: Emphasis on the thrill of watching films in theaters, especially significant franchises like *Indiana Jones*.
Episode Highlights
- Harrison Ford’s Humor: His witty remarks and engaging storytelling make for an entertaining listen.
- Conan's Comedic Style: The banter between Conan, Sona, and Matt adds depth to the conversation, showcasing their chemistry.
- Cultural Impact: Discussions on the legacy of *Indiana Jones* and Ford's iconic roles resonate with fans of cinema.
Conclusion This episode of *Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend* not only serves as a humorous exploration of Harrison Ford's career but also reflects on the nature of friendship in the entertainment industry. Ford's charm and wit, combined with Conan's light-heartedness, create an enjoyable and memorable listening experience.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:02Hi, my name is Harrison Ford.
0:08and I feel confused about being Conan O 'Brien's friend. Now listen, you and I have... We talked about this a long time ago. We did. And a lot of time has passed. You've made no effort whatsoever. Now you show up out of the blue and you want me to be your friend. Yes, I do. Fall is here Hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. We have a very special episode today. Big, massive star. I'd say maybe one of the biggest, one of the most iconic faces of the last easily 50 years of film, Harrison Ford.
1:08And he was on the podcast and there was some concern because everyone's a Harrison Ford fan, everybody. But Gourley takes it to this other level. I think the words creepy come to mind. You idolize the man and I was worried that you wouldn't behave yourself, Matt, or you might soil yourself or embarrass yourself in some way. And I want to applaud you because I thought you handled yourself with aplomb. Yeah, we talked about this on an earlier episode, and I think everything went really well. So much so that I think it's safe to say that he and I are friends. Well, I'd like to see you try and cash that check.
1:47It would be fun to watch you escorted off the Ford estate by nine robotic security guards. Stormtroopers. Yeah, exactly. I would pay anything to see you tossed out of his house like a drunk in an old movie and gets tossed out of a bar and they just grab you by the pants and throw you out. I don't know why we can't just leave it as fact. We don't need to test it. It just is. He and I are buddies. Did you guys exchange numbers? No, but we didn't need to because I think we're beyond that. How can you be beyond? That's a big part of friendship. Yeah, you're not beyond it. Well, you don't need to call someone when you're always hanging out.
2:26You know what I mean? Oh, I see. You don't need his number because you'll always be right next to each other. Yeah. That hasn't started yet, but I'm assuming it's any day now. Any day now, there's going to be a knock at your door and you're going to open it and he's going to be there as Indiana Jones. He will have landed a plane on my roof. And he's going to whip you to death. I'll take it. I'll take it. What a way to go. You'd be happy to go out that way, wouldn't you? Yeah. No, I thought you were very good. You were very professional. you are I give you a hard time but you are uh at your core a pro and I thought you were you are you're a professional uh you handle yourself well uh Sona you are not a professional okay I was gonna just ask you about your take on me but okay I should have just guessed that's what you well would you say you're would you say you're a lot of things a lot of great things would you say you're a professional uh first of all I mean here's would you came in excuse you he came in and I was very very professional a lot of times when you're around serious people I am a very professional person so yeah I do think that I was being professional and I think that I it's not like I'm walking in puffing on a joint and eating Cheetos and being like yo Harry what's up I didn't do that I think he would have appreciated that yeah first of all I think he would have been fine with that especially if you didn't Bogart that joint but I think that yeah, you set a pretty low bar for yourself.
3:55You said as long as I don't walk in eating Cheetos and smoking a massive blunt, then I'm a professional. I will say, I think that day you did actually come in from the kitchen with a snack bag of something like little Cheetos or something. But that's what I do every day when we record. But I think that I was being a professional. I think everybody was on their best behavior. We just wanted Harrison Ford to think we were cool. Can I say I was not on my best behavior? I was not well behaved. I said I wasn't even sure he was in the Star Wars films because he doesn't really... He doesn't pop. You'll hear that.
4:31I say, you don't really pop in those movies. I'm surprised you didn't come across the table. No, you're the problem here. Yeah. You know what's so funny? I came in, as I do often, hot. I come in trying to give you guys a hard time. And while I was talking to you, realized I am the one who's unprofessional. Right. I am the problem. Yes. And I'm saying this like it's a therapy session. And I just realized that for the first time. But no, that's a breakthrough for me. You're also saying it like we haven't realized that from day one. I don't care what you guys realize. I'm having my own breakthrough.
5:07This is about me. I'm the patient. But I've said this many times that the fish rots from the head. And you're the head of this fish. So I'm a rotting fish head. What's the head rot? The rest of the thing rots. You rot first. Sona, we know how it works. Okay. You don't need to break this down. I just wanted to explain it. I'm sorry. Yeah. I just wanted to explain it. I'm still not clear, Sona, if you could really. So the fish rots from the head. That means Conan is the head of the fish. And then he starts to rot. What is it? Is it a freshwater fish or is it a saltwater fish? I think it's a saltwater fish.
5:42Why? Does that make a difference? Do you know a lot about fishing? Do you fish? Sure. Well, you know me. I'm a guy that likes to get out on the sea. I like that air in my face. I come from a long line of fishermen. Your dad's a microbiologist. Okay. My father, yes. My father's a microbiologist. But before that, he was a Groton fisherman. He wore a big yellow Groton fisherman's outfit. Thank God. And then he was so bad at it, they said, I think you need to go get a microscope. Because the only fish you're catching are so tiny, you can't even see them. So that's how we did it. All right. Well, we should get, let's just say, I admit, I am the weak link in this chain today.
6:25But man, we had a really good time. So let's get to it. My guest today, of course, one of the biggest actors of all time, appearing in over 70 movies over the last 50 years, including Star Wars, Indiana Jones, The Fugitive, Blade Runner. Good God. It's ridiculous. That's my buddy. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. That's your pal. and so many more. I'm so proud of him. Now you can see him in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.
6:53Harrison Ford, welcome.
6:59What can you say on a podcast? You can say anything you want, anything you like. Well, fuck you.
7:09Already my favorite. it. Clearly, Harrison, you've read the room and you understand that there's a lot of animosity towards me and that you will do quite well if you shit on me throughout this process. Thank you for confirming my instincts. You know, the first thing you did when you came in here is say, I just want my my parking validated. That seems to be your chief concern is that we validate your parking when maybe I'm going out on a limb here. This could be the biggest hour of your career. It's possible. It's possible that this podcast recording will outshine any of your other work. If he gets a parking validation.
7:50Yeah, yeah. Well, don't worry about the car. I'll walk home. You will walk home. On air. On air. On air. Yeah. Can we record you for the whole walk home? Oh, yeah, sure. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I want to say something to you. You came on my show many, many times on the late night show. And over the years, people would say, who's one of your favorite guests? And I would say Harrison Ford, because he's so goddamn funny. You would come on the show. Have you seen these appearances? You are so hilariously funny. And you tossed me around like a rag doll verbally on these shows. And they're some of my favorite segments of all time.
8:29You are a hilarious man. And I've always loved being around you. You guys wrote some great stuff for, I remember, I don't remember any of it.
8:42Do you know who I am at this moment? Conan O 'Brien. Yes.
8:51It's kind of cool when you say it that way. You know what, it's only cool when you say it. It's the only time it's ever been cool. Do it again. Conan O 'Brien. Yes. Wow, it's like jazz. We're jazz. We're jazz. We're jazz. We all pick up on each other. He's jazz. He's jazz? Like carousel music. He's saying you're jazz. I'm jazz. And I am, yeah, Circus Calliope, I think. Something kind of that a chimp would dance to. And you're Chaz.
9:24Chaz. Okay, I'm sure. All right, I'm going to go with Chaz. What kind of a name is Conan? How dare you? Conan is an old Gaelic name that my parents gave me. They thought we'll call him Conan. You're an old Gaelic. I come from... Do you speak Gaelic? I do not. I do not speak Gaelic. In fact, I don't think anybody really speaks Gaelic. I think it's a made up... Have you heard Gaelic? It sounds like a bunch of... Someone threw some chairs down the back stairs. It's just a lot of consonants. There's not a vowel in there. And I think it's just to confuse people about when it's time to go to the pub.
10:00So I don't speak Gaelic, but I do have a very Irish name. You know what fascinated me to learn? I'm part Irish. You are part Irish, Irish, German, and mother Jewish. What's the German part? I thought you were German-Irish. I thought your dad was German-Irish. Is there such a thing as German-Irish? Sure. Yeah. German people were allowed to marry Irish people. Sure. but you don't carry a designation by marrying somebody a a national i'm sure you do yeah there are irish italians okay my father is was uh uh irish irish right okay no german no german no okay i refer you to this piece of paper right here that says born and raised in chicago to an irish german father if that's a quality of your research and i imagine it is because right there that says Harrison Ford, and then you had to write down Han Solo.
10:55Yeah, I did. You can't fucking remember that? No, I can't. I can't remember Han Solo. Are you serious? Yeah, I wrote down because I heard that you were in some of the Star Wars films. And this was news to me because I've seen those films and I don't exactly think you pop. I'm sorry. Whoa. But I mean, I remember Chewbacca. I remember the bad guy with the black helmet. And then there's some people. How come you're not still on television?
11:30I think it's quite obvious why I'm not still on television. Yeah. Listen, my research might not be the best, but my intentions are good. They are very honorable and good. Now, I've always thought you have one of the coolest names of any leading man, Harrison Ford. You cannot beat that name. Yet, you were asked, or it was suggested early in your career that you change your name. It's true. Who the fuck wanted you to change from Harrison Ford? Jerry Dukowski. Oh, well. Physician, heal thyself. He just had a hatred for his own name. Yeah. Is that true? So he wanted you to change your name. Yeah. You said Harrison Ford and he went, no, we can do better.
12:18Yeah. He said that's too pretentious a name for a young man. He was about four years older than me. He always called me boy. Oh, boy. So what did you, did you come up with an alternate name? Yeah. Jerry Tukowski.
12:40Well, okay. I don't think it was very original. No, I didn't. I did come back the next day. I was not only supposed to come back with a name, but I was supposed to be there earlier than my naming conference to get a haircut. And I'd been given a picture of Elvis Presley to take with me to the studio barber. They told you, get this haircut? Get this haircut and come back with a name. They said, okay. I didn't get the haircut. And I said, my new name is Kurt Affair.
13:22Incredible. Yeah. That's a great name. Yeah. Kurt Affair. Yeah. Irish-German name.
13:33So, obviously, that didn't stick. No. Nothing did. Nothing did for a while. No, they threw me. they let me go after a year and a half of a seven-year contract. Wow. After which I would be making$1 ,200 a week. Really? After seven years. So this is a different time in show business that kind of fascinates me. This is indentured servitude. It really was. But you look at, I'm thinking now about the television. I know that, I think you came out, and trust me, my research could be off. But I'm told that you came out. It didn't actually come off. you're still in. Still in. Trust me, that's going to happen later in this interview.
14:15That you, you come to Hollywood in 1964 and the big way to get a job, if you're lucky, is every show on television is a western, a TV western, pretty much. And you were - Love American Style. Did you love American Style? Oh yeah, man. I played a hippie. Oh yeah? A real stretch. It's so funny because I, I have a brother, Neil, who's obsessed with TV of the 60s and early 70s. And so I told him today when I'm on the, I told him when I was on. It's my watch. Is it your watch? Yeah. Oh, well, that's very rude. It's time for you to go. Yeah. You just pushed the alarm on your watch so you could leave this interview now and not look rude.
15:03That's what happened. I don't mind looking rude. Oh, that's true. That's true. You're right. I just did misread the situation terribly. But so I'm driving into work today and I'm talking to my brother and I said, yeah, I'm going in and talk to Harrison Ford. He said, that's so cool. Ask him about that gun smoke. Yeah. I said, what? No one asks Harrison Ford about his episode of gun smoke. He's like, oh yeah, I know him and these other guys take over the town and you kill a guy in a bar and in a poker game. And he knew it. And then of course I looked it up online and there's a picture of you looking real nasty.
15:38on Gunsmoke. Yeah. I did Gunsmoke in The Virginian, but I don't remember that. Yeah. I did. I played the same part twice on FBI in one season, and they didn't even realize I was the same guy.
15:57So you just came back, and they were like, we had a great time with Kurt Affair. What's your name? Oh, yeah. No, I always played, I seemed to get these, if there were two criminal brothers, I was the one that was sort of duped by my smarter, older brother. Right, right. How old is your brother? He's three years older than me. Or two and a half years, yeah. See? Yeah, exactly. He tricked me into talking to you. And he'll be delighted because he'll listen to this and he'll say, you got Harrison Ford to talk about Gunsmoke. But it is interesting to me, that whole period, because Clint Eastwood gets started in television Westerns, Burt Reynolds, all these sort of iconic acts, Steve McQueen, all these guys had to do their, it's like you had to do your time on a television Western before you could move on to other things.
16:47Is that a fair assessment of that period? Uh, well, no, not really. Oh, for Christ's sake. You're wrong. Why can't you give me that? Why can't I have that? Why can't you just say, sure, sure, yeah, fine, Conan, let's move on. Instead, it's no, you're wrong. You're wrong. Your brother's wrong. Well, okay. I'm okay with him being wrong. Your name's wrong. Okay. Everything's wrong. My name's wrong? No. I played the same kind of character over and over again, and nobody noticed. So I don't think it—I was not on the Clint Eastwood track in television. I was on the Here Today and Gone Tomorrow track.
17:32Right, right. Right. And this is, that's why you're, you're making your living primarily as a carpenter while you're doing these other parts. I'll get a part and I'm lucky to get this sort of quasi background role in these little parts. And I think for any. That's still the case. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're hurting. It hasn't gone well for you. I think we can agree on that. No, look, show business has been very, very good to me. Yes, it has. Yeah. I think you've been good to show business. Well. I do. I mean, you're very... I was very lucky. I mean, for years, I did the same old thing. I went from Columbia Pictures to a contract at Universal for$250 a week.
18:17That lasted a year and a half. I always could get out of these things just by being a dick.
18:26Really? Is that how you would get out of it, was just being kind of unpleasant? Well, in Columbia's case, Jerry Tarkovsky, write it down, folks, called me into his office and told me that Mike Frankovich, who was the head of the studio, was in Europe and he'd forgotten to sign my contract when he left. But he was going to suggest to Mike Frankovich, he, Jerry Tarkovsky, was going to suggest that they drop me anyway because I had no future in the business. I appreciate and notice that you know their names cold. You have already forgotten mine. No, I haven't. And what is it, please?
19:12Conan O 'Brien. Oh, my God. I want that on my... That's my outgoing message for the rest of time. I'll get a lot of hang-ups. I love that when you're in that early part of your career, and this is true of all of us, and someone doesn't see it or someone wrongs you in some way or disrespects you, you never forget that name. But you're not letting me finish any story. Finally. Fucking interrupt me. Every time I get to the punchline, you're there to wander. Anyway, so he said to me, Jerry Tchaikovsky said to me that Mike Frankovich which hadn't signed my contract. And he was going to, perhaps I got this far before, he was going to suggest that they drop me.
20:04He said that he would give me two weeks' pay until Mike Frankovich came back because he knew that my wife was pregnant. My wife at the time was pregnant, and I needed the money. I said, no, that's fine. Goodbye. And I was out. That was it. Why not just take the$250? It was$150. Two weeks would have been$300. And, um... That was stupid, wasn't it? Yeah. Your wife's expecting a child? Yeah. That money went a long way back then. Shit. What were you doing? Think about how much money you have now if you kept that. Exactly. That money invested wisely then would be worth... I could be making$1 ,200 a week.
20:49Yeah.
21:01I have a very clear memory of the first time I encountered you, which is you had not been on the show yet, and you're easily one of my favorite Hollywood stars, and I'm going to say of all time, and my show is struggling along for a couple of years, and we're getting, we're just sort of starting to catch, and I could never get a star of Harrison Ford's caliber on the program. That would be unimaginable. I'm almost done. And that exhale was like the last breath of a thousand year old man. No, I'm just remembering that you never fucking asked me. We did ask you. You did not. Don't shout at me on my podcast.
21:45It's rude. I'm not shouting. I'm in Washington, D.C. for the White House Correspondents Dinner, and I'm going to be up there on the dais with Clinton. I've never met Harrison Ford, and I'm on an elevator door that's closing. And all I'm nervous about, how's my set going to go on this thing? Elevator doors are closing. And I've talked about this on the show years ago. Elevator doors closing when I hear a voice say, hold the elevator. And I'm thinking, I really got to get upstairs. The door's two thirds closed. so I don't really try to hit the button when the face, the iconic face of Harrison Ford appears in between the two closing doors and looks right at me and the door's shut.
22:32And I, all the way up to my room, which is on the eighth floor, shit myself the whole way up. That's what propelled the elevator. Yeah, the elevator was not functioning, but it was propelled purely by my, It was a horrifying, horrifying moment for me. I apologize again. We recreated the moment on the air. You can see it online where I asked you to, let's recreate the moment. And you gave this amazing death stare into the camera and we had two elevator doors close on it. And I felt the same trauma all over again. That's how he remembers your name, like Jerry Tchaikovsky. I know. I'm sorry, Harrison.
23:10I could have probably, it was a horrible moment for me. And I'm glad that you've come here. I come here as a friend. Oh, thank you. Yeah. So it's all past. You're not going to... No, I'm not. You bear no ill will. No, no. You're no Jerry Tchaikovsky. That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. So here's the deal. The last time I saw Jerry Tchaikovsky was I was... Jesus, you're obsessed. Listen. In that office on Coward. On Coward. 15 years later, I'm sitting in the executive dining room at the executive dining room at Warner Brothers. And a waiter came over to me in the middle of my meal on a little tray and with a little white card on it.
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24:01I'd never seen that before. And he proffered the tray. I picked up the card. It said, Jerry Tukowski, vice president, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I looked around the room, and everybody looked like Jerry Tukowski.
24:22And I turned it over, and on the back, handwritten, was a little note that said, I missed my guess. Wow. He was guessing. Yeah. But I give people credit for, right, for acknowledging he acknowledged. I thought so too. Yeah. I give people a lot of credit when someone comes up and says, I'm sorry. Yeah. Like you coming here today to apologize for that. Jerry Tukowski didn't quite say he was sorry. He just said that he made a bad bet. That's not good enough. By the time I leave here, you will be sorry.
25:01I'm sorry now. Do these people get to talk at all? I try to discourage it. I see. It's working. The best I can. Sona, you weigh in because you're having the time of your life. I am really into this Jerry Tukowski character arc because I do think that there's a nice end to it. It is. It's over. Where is he now? Exactly. Okay. Let's bring him in. He's here. Well, we have a surprise for you. Do you have a phone-in number that we could? No, he is here in person. We arranged all of this. he now cleans pools in Redondo and he's here to say again that he missed his bet yeah so there you go I um oh good he's taking a drink of water I'm gonna get a question in so oh my god he's not swallowing Harrison
26:09This behavior is not worthy of you A man of your stature All you've achieved This is not worthy of you We should also mention That he's been eating Those little cuties Those little orange slices this whole time? The smallest orange I've ever seen make a tiny mini nectarine. Yeah. A tangelo, if you will. And you've been eating it section by section. That's what I do. If only there were cameras here. Why are there cameras here? This is on the... This is just for tax purposes. I need to be able to show that we made a podcast. Okay. And then we get to write it off because I monetize everything. I now own your likeness because you've been on the podcast and you need to buy it back from me for the new Indiana Jones film to come out.
26:53That's how smart I am. That's what makes me different from other people in this business. I'm a real whiz, Harrison. A real whiz. Wow. Wow. I saw you at a party recently. No. Yeah, I did. I did. I saw you too. Thank you. I was glad you saw me. You're hard to miss. I'm hard to miss. Yeah. I kind of stand out, don't I? Stand up. but I had a, I just was in a silly mood and it was fantastic. Cause I walked up to you and I said, I think I'm the new Harrison Ford. And you gave me that great look and you said, fuck you. I'm Harrison Ford. And I said, well, you've been Harrison Ford for a long time, but there's time for a new one.
27:39And it's me. And you said, okay, you can have it. And I thought that was a verbal agreement that maybe I take over. Oh, what a waste. What are you talking about? I have the gravitas. I have the bearing. What will you do with it? I would try to keep the different franchises going. Oh, no. Why? You as Han Solo? Yeah. No. Let's stop this right now. Where was this party? Where was this alleged party? This was a party. Alleged party you were there. this is a party uh that was uh a lot of the shrinking gang was there uh and yeah and which by the way you are hilarious on that show that's a that's a fantastic part and uh you play it beautifully and um we had a nice time at that party a bunch of the shrinking cast was there and uh i remember it now clearly clearly you were there you were there and uh i think you were having maybe a tequila and I was having maybe a little bit of orange juice okay it was orange juice very easily very easy to mistake orange juice for tequila in a shot class but anyway I thought we had a real moment there I thought and I thought that you enjoyed my company and I hate to make this all about me when you've had this incredibly storied career no I actually you know I know where you live and it's not very far from where I live you could walk over to my house anytime.
29:12Is that true? No. I could walk to your house, but would I get in? If the doorbell rang. No, you would walk back. But at least you'd make an effort. I'd make an effort. If you really wanted me to notice the roundness of this, if you really wanted me to be your friend, but you didn't. And it's over now. I had my chance. No. No, I think this is your chance. I think you can still redeem yourself. Well, how's it going so far? Hmm.
29:58No, I have, actually, I have friends like you. Okay. Really, I mean. You know circus people? You have no friends like me. Yeah. No, not exactly like you, but I've always liked you. I liked you. That's why I did your show. Many times. Many times. Yeah. I did it like, what, twice? Oh, no. Four or five times. You did my show nine times. Right here. You did write my name. Nine times. Did show nine times. Yeah. Yeah. You did it nine times. and you were unfailingly very funny every time yeah and one of my favorite things you ever did yeah was we have this person who our fans know very well named jordan schlansky who's a star wars obsessive and he had built a millennium falcon out of legos and it took him nine months to build this thing yeah and he brought it out and gave a long speech to you yeah about the meaning of his millennium falcon and handed it to you and you threw it up over your head and it landed on the floor and shattered in a million pieces.
31:13And it was the greatest day of my life. And then he picked up a piece and then signed it. And you signed it for him. And it was one of the greatest, greatest things I've ever seen in my life. And by the way, it's a clip online that people adore. They just adore it. It was just a magical, magical moment. And I thank you for that. Well, those of you at home who don't know how these things work, Let me point out that this was a scripted bit. Yes, yes it was. He didn't build the damn thing. Somebody else in the prop department built the damn thing over a, you know, probably took him three weeks. He probably had to take it home and ask his kid to help him put it together.
31:59Yeah. And then you built this whole shtick around it. And you made, well, you suggested that it would be funny if I destroyed it. Yeah, yeah. Right. I will make it clear. And first of all, this is why you've never. And you were right. It was funny. Yeah.
32:22Cruel. Cruel. Cruel. I'm cruel. But funny. I'd like to point out that you'd be terrible working with a magician. because the magician would come out and do a trick where he saws the lady in half and then puts her back together again. And just as the crowd is applauding, Harrison Ford walks out and says, excuse me, I'd like to point out that this was all a sad sham. This woman secret herself into the first half of the box and those legs are fake. I picture you as a terrible, terrible magician's assistant. But yes, you just exposed my little trick that delighted millions. And you just explained to me why people never do imitations of me.
33:10I was just trying to get my voice into a mail register. That's all I was trying to do. All I was trying to do. You tried. I tried. The only way I can sound like a man is to get down here. and that I'm either Nixon or Harrison Ford. And I am neither one.
33:35You sound a little like Jerry.
33:42You've got to get this man behind. I know now that you wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat yelling this man's name. Nah. You won. You won. No, no, no. This is the first time I've remembered his name in 15 years. It just came to me. Wow. I have that effect on people. You do. It's like a good therapy session for you. I'm freeing you of your past demons. Wow, my wife is going to be so excited.
34:13Really? I saw Conan today. I'm a new man. All my demons are gone. Uh-huh. Yeah, I think yes. I think she's going to be quite pleased with this transformation. I hope so. I've tried everything else.
34:34This is a total meltdown of some kind, which I'm really enjoying. I am very excited, as is especially my friend Matt, for the upcoming. He looks excited. This is actually, this is him excited. Let me tell you how much I can't wait for this. In this era now where people are saying, I don't even, I don't know if I want to go to the theater anymore. The idea of going and seeing a new Indiana Jones movie is absolutely thrilling to me. I hope they go to the theaters to see it, if they're going to see it at all. I wish they, I hope they'll see it. I will make them personally. Yeah. But I can't imagine, I think there's, I think all of them have been spectacular.
35:17your family are not an audience you know at home it's not fair to the movie I mean yeah you could see it at home if you wanted to maybe later but give it a chance go to a movie theater be in the dark with strange people I've done that and I've gone to a movie one was slightly more erotic than the other I'll say but I can't imagine seeing you know an Indiana Jones film any other way I just can't I think it would be I would and the thing is I know it's going to be an event because I know that my son who's 17 loves the franchise he's going to want to go I mean this is going to be a thing where we can all go as a family if they allow me I get to go too and I want to see it with an audience I want to see it with people I've got tickets did you get them already?
36:17Yeah. Did you pay for them? Because maybe Harrison. How much does a movie cost these days? Well, there's like those two levels, a regular theater, and then they have those lie down ones where you can get food and take a nap. No. That's a nice thing to say to Harrison Ford. I bought a napping seat to go see your movie. What the fuck are you doing? I'm not saying during his movie. Right. Of course not. I've been waiting for this for years. And those are like$20,$25. to lay down and have a nap.
36:52So you got the special, well, wait a minute. You say you don't know. When was the last time you bought a ticket and went into a movie theater? Has it been a while? You're scaring me. When you stare at me like that, you frighten me to my core. No, I don't. But I also don't remember the last. You're right. I have seen movies on a big screen, you know, in a theater. Right, right. But there was no uppity else in the room.
37:27That's how Howard Hughes did it. That's expensive. Yeah. Weren't you just at the Cannes Film Festival? You probably saw some... Yeah, I saw... I saw the new Indiana Jones movie. That's right, you sat in an audience. I've seen pictures of you. That guy's really good. I got in for free. I would have loved it if they had stopped you and you had been looking for your ticket at the Cannes premiere of Indiana Jones. Yeah. So you were there. I know that you've experienced everything one can experience. It was like 10 days ago. Yeah. Everything one can experience in this business at the highest level, but that still has to be exciting.
38:08What part? Cannes Film Festival you're going up the big red carpet beautiful wife on your arm you go inside a whole crowd of those fancy French people and then your movie comes up a storied franchise I don't know I just have to think that there's been some part of you that would say yes this is cool
38:37I'm gonna wait for it No, it was actually a pretty interesting experience. Yeah. I haven't been there for a while, but I had been there in the past, but with other, even Indiana Jones movies. But anyway, yeah, it was a beautiful projection system, great room, lots and lots of people. But they weren't like a real audience. I mean they had tuxedos and beautiful gowns on and stuff like that I want to see it with an ordinary rabble I got an extra ticket yeah we can all go together if you'd like we'll all go together in fact Eduardo you're invited as well I'll check your schedule yes no Blay you're in this is the 5th right June 5th the movie comes out June 30th I believe so.
39:37Let me check my incorrect. Yeah. It says here. I already know it's true. Okay. So it says it on the ticket, right? So we'll wait here. 25 days. You'll wait here for 25 days. I like this. I'll have food brought in for you. Okay. We do this show every day? Yeah. Every day. We do now. Yeah. Now we do. And you're the only guest every day. And so it's, we call it, it's a special promotional month of Harrison Ford. and it's you every day for an hour. I promised I wouldn't do this. What are you doing? Get excited. If that's your orgasm, you're a disgusting man. I'm just tensing up in excitement. That's not what it sounds like.
40:20That's not what it sounds like. You're filthy minded. It did sound sexual. I apologize for my partner. No, it did sound sexual. Thank you, Sona. It might have been. Glad I brought this creep along. Thank you. Mr. Ford. you make me blush I declare where did you get that southern fan I do declare a man you had to be here oh no oh no you got cameras it's all you'll see this is all going to turn around for you this podcast did you this morning when you were coming here was there some did you have a second of thinking what i'm going to do what conor o 'brien has a tiny radio show in a little room was there a point where you did a 180 and started headed home no no i did i didn't i i was uh i was curious i was curious about it but then i got here and i and i see this is a really kind of a big deal I mean, this shit's not free.
41:33No. This is a state-of-the-art studio designed here by Eduardo. Really? Nice, man. Yeah. A beautiful building that we have, a large complex. We do many parts. And there are probably three, six people here. Outside, yeah. Outside, there's another 20 people. Yeah. What do they do? Well, first of all, a lot of them are here because you're here. Yeah. and I hate to throw people under the bus, but when Nick Kroll rolls in, they're not here. I'm sorry, Nick, but you're going to take a bullet for this one. Who's Nick Kroll? Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And why? My point is that... Is he like Jerry Tchaikovsky?
42:16He's my Jerry Tchaikovsky. He's a very funny, brilliant comic and actor. All that Nick Kroll. Yeah, I threw him under the bus for no reason other than his name came to mind and I thought, I'm friendly enough with him that I can do this in this moment. So that was undeserved. And Nick, my apologies. But you got a shout out. I'm talking here with Harrison Ford. Hey. And also, yeah. Let me say his name again. Yeah. Nick Kroll. Yes. There you go. Now, see, all is forgiven. He's just thrilled. Yeah. He's thrilled now. But no, we do have, this is a big operation. And many, many, many people will hear this.
42:50Yeah. And they'll say, Conan does interrupt too often. And he should shut up. And he should let Harrison talk. Nah. I should let these other people talk a little bit because they've got microphones in front of them. And you haven't said one fucking word. Can I say something? I mean, about life. You know, it's your last day at work. So why not go for it? Well, I would just like to say that I dressed up a little bit today out of, you know, because I'm a huge fan. And every single person in the office has commented, oh, you dressed up. You look nice. So do I just normally look terrible? I just put on a button I'm sorry to bring this interview down He used the opportunity to ask a question about himself Are you crazy?
43:35You finally got the mic You're the biggest next to Matt Shut the fuck up I'm sorry I'm sorry Harrison You spent your one bullet on that? Who is this guy? Exactly That's why I don't let him have the microphone So anyway What do you think about what I'm wearing Harrison? Do you like it? Is it nice? Jesus.
44:04We're wearing almost the same thing. See, we're almost matching. Yeah. Sorry. But I didn't bring it up.
44:17I didn't think we'd take some of Conan's valuable time to talk about what you and I are wearing.
44:27I have to say this is... Humiliating. This is humiliating. This is humiliating for me. It was humiliating for you the minute you walked through that door. Nah, come on. You are a colossus. A colossus. Yeah. And then the minute you walked in here, it was all diminished. Yeah. Your career's through, Harrison. It's over. I've just been told that shrinking no longer wants you. Yep. They're getting a new Indiana Jones. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah, been replaced. Nick Kroll will take over that role.
45:02What are you doing? He's removing the belly button. You're removing, that's a little mark that keeps you on the belly button there so that you always see your lighting is just perfect and you removed it. You're a carpenter. Do you like our table? What do you think? Yeah, it's nice. Everything is nice here. It's nice, yeah. We did a really good job. It's very tasteful and nice. Yeah. Yeah. So what do you say? You, me, maybe we start hanging out a little more regularly? Well, I thought we had this daily podcast deal. He was clearly kidding. No, that's not happening. He'll never see you again. It's over for you.
45:33It's really over for Glade. We're going to Chipotle after. We're going to Chipotle. Okay, we'll go. Yeah, I mean, I don't have a lot of time left. I'm 80. You look fantastic, by the way. Unbelievable. Yeah, yeah. so you can be my friend um what would you what would we do uh together you and i yeah uh i see us getting a meal um we could get a meal we get a meal probably we both live the girls our wives i think we should take i can't say girls no i can't do that i think we take the ladies take my wife you take your wife we go to a nice place we get a and then um you and i take a little stroll afterwards.
46:23We lose the ladies. You and I walk along the ocean in Santa Monica. We look at the moon for a little while. The way fellas do. And it's a nice way to digest. I'm digesting it right now.
46:42People will say, there's Harrison Ford. Who's that tall lady with him? He's taking a new lover. why is he out on the town with that very strange tall woman and why are our wives why are they not letting yeah well why are they letting it happen yeah uh they're better than that yes they are they're well we're both married up um harrison i want to say in all sincerity and i you do not this is it huh this is you're not someone who encourages uh you know, sincerity, so much foolishness and laughing, but I'm not kidding when I say that people turned up today who I haven't seen in a long time. Just to watch you walk through the door and you mean the absolute world to people.
47:39And you should have been in this room last week when it was confirmed that you were coming on the podcast. I believe Matt openly wept, uh blade jumped out a window yeah uh sona took an edible but she does anyway i do that regularly yeah she's pretty high although i am excited you're here yeah yeah she's a major yeah she's got a problem uh not that yeah yeah it's yeah yeah we all have an edible from time to time you don't do that no i don't yeah i wish i did i think i could be good for me but my point harrison and i eventually do get to my point my listeners will tell you that is that it was an absolute joy having you here and i will say again you're one of my favorite funny people you are so funny in an original dry way and you're just the whole way you come across i've always loved having him on the show always and uh i love now too that in shrinking people get to see you be so hilariously funny nope wasn't written down that was all that was all genuine no that's 10 times now i've done oh yeah i've done you 10 times i've done you 10 times yeah you are done that's it 10 no just for me if this was hey if this were it i would be quite happy i would be quite happy with that seriously it's uh it was fun for me you know it's an honor to know you and a blast and god you make me laugh so thank you very much for doing this and i'll be by in about 48 hours no you'll be there waiting to turn you away personally turn me away it's been a while since in the old days they would throw a guy out of a bar by grabbing the back of his shirt and his belt and throw him out that is how Harrison is going to throw me off of his property.
49:31What a way to go. Man, no, nothing like that. You're a big guy. I'm an old man. I hope it never happens. You could beat the shit out of me. Yeah. Trust me. No. Yeah. I say we never do this, but round of applause for Harrison Ford. Thank you, sir. Seriously. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. That's all I got. That's it? You're free to go. Okay. I hope you enjoyed yourself. Right. I don't know why you're crying. I'm happy. Oh, good. I'm glad I came. Thank you. Thank you for being here. And you got a friend. Thank you. That's so nice. Thank you very much. That means a lot to me. Thank you. What about us? Yeah.
50:11Don't push it. No. No. I think that's a smart choice. Honestly. I respect that. Yeah.
50:30Sona, this is big news. You're giving the commencement speech for the Mount San Antonio, informally known as Mount Sac College, commencement graduation? No, I'm not giving the commencement address. It's a two-minute speech. Okay. Wait, I thought you were giving the commencement address. No, I'm alumna of the year. Hey, congratulations. Congratulations. I don't like the way you said that. What did you... Didn't it... No, I was congratulating you sincerely. I think that was delivered sincerely with the understanding that an insult was to follow. Yes. Yeah. But later, like in 20 minutes. Okay. All right.
51:05Okay. And unrelated to this. No. Oh, Sona, I really am honestly proud of you. Thank you. I'm very proud of you. You've accomplished a lot. And I'm I was saying a nice thing to you. That's nice. I honestly was. It's I the way you said it was just very. I'm sorry. Thank you. Sorry. Sorry. But it was you had a tone. that's my nasal voice i can't help it you're like you had a tone and your lips were thin and your eyes were beady yeah that's me i can't help that no but i they they named me alumna of the year i went to a community college before i transferred to usc i'm very proud of my time there and then they named me alumna and of the year and you did a an interview for the video they're going to show at commencement and i found out recently there's going to be like 12 000 people 12 000 that's That's a big crowd.
51:56Yeah. That's a big crowd. I know. But wait a minute. You're always talking about how you were speech champion. Yes, national speech champion. Yeah. You bring that up all the time. Every week. You bring that up when they pull you over for DUI. You're like, now it's national speech champion. All right, you're free to go. Here's some more alcohol. Thank you, officer. Officer gives me alcohol. Hair of the dog. Yeah. We didn't realize you were national speech champion. Here's much more vodka. Thank you, Thompficer. Well, it's officer, not Thompficer, but I still refuse to give you a blood alcohol test.
52:33So I think you're going to be fine. Do you know what you're going to talk about? Yeah, give us the first line. Give us a little preview. Well, I'm doing it in a... They built a brand new stadium that we're going to have the graduation in. Oh, I thought you said I'm doing it in an accent. No, no, no. They built this brand new stadium at the school. So my first line is, thanks for building this stadium for me. That's good. I like that. That's great. It's stupid. That'll work. But there's not like a lot of jokes. It's not like. Oh, you got to have jokes. Will you write it for me? Well. You've done.
53:02You've done. I won't. I won't write them for you. All right. Because there's a writer's guild strike. So I refuse to help you with this. I thought. And I hope you bomb. Go WGA. Yeah. You producer. You ruthless. Scab producer. I thought you couldn't write shows and stuff. You can write a commencement address. I don't think I can. It's a union. Wait, for real? It's not union at all. It's me. It's just a two minute speech. You're the man. You're the man now, Doc. You know what you are? I'm sick of your boot on my throat. Yeah. You've written two - Wait, why don't you get AI to write it, you asshole?
53:33I know I should. You should get AI to do it. But you've written two of, like, really well-known commencement addresses that were, like, longer than two minutes. Can I borrow from your Harvard Class Day speech, your Dartmouth address? No, you cannot. But also, how much time did you say you have? Two minutes? There's no such thing as a speech that's two minutes long. Are you sure they're being square with you? You're not just introducing someone? No, but there's a three-minute video, and then there's a two-minute. I get five minutes. I'm just like this little blip. Can I say something? They say two minutes, but you're going to take more than two minutes because there's no such thing as a two-minute speech.
54:12Oh, well, I wrote a two-minute. That's called ordering a pizza. Oh, okay. You know? Not a bad idea. Yeah, but still, that's high. Why can't I just take stuff that you wrote? Well, it won't match. okay uh you know plagiarism well but also it just won't match your personal experience you come from you have such a different background than me and you have a great story to tell coming to this country oh no come on um ugh a boat that you made out of brillo pads what sewn together with beeswax that had been dried and turned into twine you forged a a path across a mighty sea you have a great story to tell and also what I think is very cool and I'm being sincere here is you started this community college and look what you've achieved.
54:58I think that's very cool. It is, and I'm shocked because there's a lot of really impressive alumni that have come out of there. So when they first said I was the alumni of the year, I was like, why? Who are they? Are there anyone we'd know? No. Oh. I have to be honest with you, though. I think it'll be an inspiration for all of them to see you because you do have a lot of fans and you are an impressive person. And I think, and I'll tell you, I think it's also, you know, good for these people to see you. I think you're still able to connect to young people. I think you're a very youthful person.
55:33So it's not, you're not a stodgy old person saying, now let me tell you something when I was a boy, you know. Yeah. I mean, first of all, you shouldn't say when you were a boy because you weren't. But I think it's going to go really well. I'm proud of you. I've gone, thank you. I've gone back to Mt. SAC a few times to talk to the students. And I can't tell you how many people love you, which I was surprised. Don't say that. These are educated people? Well, when she says people, she means some of the farm animals hanging out in the agricultural lab. They're super young. And they're like, not that, you know, I know I'm like saying, I just, I always think that they're just like into like Taylor Swift and like Billie Eilish.
56:16And like, yeah, you know. crossover between my fans and Billie Eilish fans and Taylor Swift fans. I'm convinced of that. No. Yeah. Yeah. Just because you convinced yourself doesn't mean that it's true. On her current tour, Taylor often starts the show by saying, how many Conan fans we got in the crowd? And the place erupts. Okay. I've not seen any footage of that at all. I haven't seen it either. And I haven't even heard about it, but I'm pretty sure it's happening. because of my power to deceive myself is absolutely incredible. That's impressive. Conifties. No, so this is, yeah, conifties are the, I'm a coniftie, excuse me, what's that?
56:55A Taylor Swift fan who's also a Conan O 'Brien fan. Okay, how many are there? I said I'm a coniftie. I'm the coniftie. Yeah. That's what it should be. Yeah. Are you the, you know what, it's like this rare bird that no one's seen in a thousand years. Are you the coniftie? Someone who loves Taylor Swift But also loves that Fringe weirdo They photoshopped a picture of the two of you Like just together hanging out Yep Conifty So cool When is it happening? It's happening very soon It's happening By the time the audience hears this It will have already happened on June 9th But it hasn't happened yet in this reality No Do you get to wear a gown and a mortarboard?
57:41and all that? Yeah. That's nice. I know. That's going to be cool. Do you get a special like scarf of some kind like in NXIVM? I have no idea. Are they going to give you any kind of doctorate? Do you get a doctorate? Come on. I don't know. You got an honorary doctorate? I'm not sure. I think from Dartmouth they said something. I don't know. I don't remember. Don't be coy. I'm not being coy. I honestly don't know. They put something around my, we got to look up what I got. I'm pretty sure he got a doctorate. Yeah, but I know that it was, I wanted it to be an oral surgeon. I wanted to actually be a doctor afterwards and then be able to open up.
58:16Doctor of arts. I'm a doctor of arts. Oh, Jesus. I'm a doctor of arts. Come on. Motherfuckers. Is there a doctor? I wish I, next time I'm in an airplane and something happens, they go like, is there a doctor here? Hello? I am a doctor of arts from Dartmouth. And I'm going to push my way to the front. Well, this person seems to be having a heart attack. Have you got a book? Maybe Fakure? Or one of the Bronte sisters? Care to talk about the contrapposto of the statue, David? Cause on those matters, I'm good to go. He's dead, he's dead. He died while you were talking about the Brontes. Well, I did what I could.
59:04I suppose that makes me some kind of hero. Excuse me, I'm an actual doctor and I couldn't get up here because this asshole was blocking the aisle. I'm actually a pulmonary specialist. I could have saved this man by doing chest compressions. That's all well and good. But I got here first because I'm a doctor of the arts. Well, all right. Let's wrap it up, gang. Congratulations, Sony. Congratulations to those students. And you know what? My advice to you is enjoy it. That's a moment. When you're up there, take it in. And don't, you have a tendency to go, oh, no. Take it in. That's a really nice moment.
59:39They'll be thrilled that you're there and enjoy it. And we're really proud of you. Oh, that's very cool. Thanks, guys. All right. Peace out. Tupac. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
1:00:18Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
From the publisher
Actor Harrison Ford feels confused about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.
Harrison sits down with Conan to discuss nearly changing his name in the early days of his career, smashing the Lego Millennium Falcon on one of his many Conan appearances, and the upcoming release of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Plus, Sona asks Conan for tips in preparing her speech as the 2023 Mt SAC Alumnus of the Year.
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