He’s Just Quite Ill

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Ohenia. Meet Conan and Sona. Hi, guys. How are you? Hi, Ohenia. Am I pronouncing your name correctly? Oh, my God. Right off the bat. Yeah. You did. Yes. Well, very nice to see you, Ohenia. I'm going to put a little ha there. Do you like that? Do you like Ohenia? That was going to be my trick to teach you, you know, like hummus or just like the Hebrew way of pronouncing things. I am fluent in Spanish, as you probably have heard. Well, there goes my opportunity to teach you Spanish.

0:43I could always get better because I'm far from fluent. So, but I'm told I have a fine accent. So, you know, we'll discover that ourselves. Yes. Ohenia, tell me a little bit about yourself. Where are you right now? Well, I'm in Córdoba, Argentina. That's the second largest city. That sounds so beautiful. That's so nice. Listen, let me say that. Córdoba, Argentina. Córdoba. Córdoba. Yes. That's where I think. Córdoba. Córdoba. Córdoba. Ah, Córdoba. No, I swear to God, I feel like if I had grown up in Córdoba, I would have many lovers. Because, you know, just saying Córdoba fills me with passion.

1:26Well, yes. There's two cities called Córdoba. There's one here and one in Spain. I haven't been to that one, but I'm sure mine is better. Yeah. I've heard terrible things about it. Sure. And they just say Cordoba, Spain. That's how it's pronounced there. But you are Cordoba, Argentina. I love it. I just absolutely love it. Tell me, what's it like there? What's it like in Cordoba? Oh, it's beautiful. Beautiful weather. It doesn't get too cold. I mean, the coldest it gets in the winter, I would say it would be like a crisp fall day in New York. Right. You know? Right. Summers get really, really hot.

2:07Like the hottest days we've had, I think it would be like the high 90s, I would say, because I have to do the conversion that I can't do math, really. That's OK. But it's a beautiful city. It's the second largest city. So it's not as big as Buenos Aires, but it's big enough. We have everything. And it's a big student city because we have a lot of colleges here. So people from all over the country and from other places in Latin America come to school here. So you're saying that Cordoba gets very hot and it's filled with young people. Yes. Well, I'm just saying. Hot and sweaty. I'm sorry. Hot and sweaty.

2:44I'm extrapolating. In your mind, this entire city is like a late night foam party rave. Yes. Yeah. I'm sorry, but I'm just, tell me if I'm wrong. And Eugenia, my friends will tell you I am not perverted in any way. No. No, we won't say that. Please, we'll edit that out. But my point is that young people must be taking their clothes off all the time and walking around and very revealing. But you're not a pervert. Just give O 'Hanian a chance to talk. Yes, O 'Hanian. If the mood strikes. Yes, yes. If the mood strikes. And also probably a culture that isn't ashamed of their bodies. A culture that's very comfortable.

3:25Just look at your posture right now. How high your shoulders are. I became Mr. Burns. I know. Exactly. I'll do you one better, like one more detail to this scenario you're correctly building, I would say. We drink mate, which is like a very hot beverage, and we drink it all year long. So it doesn't matter if it's like 100 degrees. We have a hot beverage, which makes everybody hotter, I would say, probably. Yes, yes, yes. Incredible. So do you have a beach there in Cordoba? Are you on the ocean or there's no beach? No. Oh. There's no beach. We're smack in the middle. Okay, so no need to wear a bathing suit, I suppose.

4:05But we have tons of rivers. Tons of rivers. Rivers? That are like 20 minutes away. Okay. 20 minutes away, yeah. All right, well, maybe I'll put on my Speedo and go down to the river. Yeah, do some tubing. Yeah, I'll do some sexy tubing. You won't stand out at all. Yeah, you'll blend in with the Argentinians. Ohenia, please tell me. You brought it up, so I think I'm allowed to ask. Ohenia, how would I blend in? and what I blend in at all and be honest in Argentina. I'll give you so one clear example. I dated an American guy and he came to live here for like a year and a half. And he is a ginger and very, very white.

4:48You might relate to that. Yes. He wasn't as tall as you, but everybody do. He was a gringo, you know, or a Yank. We call them we call them Yankees. I don't know why, but everybody that's American, people call them junkies, which sounds different. Do you think I'd have any chance of convincing them that, no, I am from Cordoba? My name is Conando. Is there any way that I would be able to convince them, do you think? Or it just wouldn't work? I think so. I think so. Because, you know, Argentinians are a mix of many, many different cultures. So there's not like one stereotype, stereotypical Argentinian.

5:34But yeah, I think that if I mean, you're a star, man. I mean, people know who you are. Thank you. But I think that I'm sorry. I think with your growing accent or lack thereof, you're a beautiful. If you learn Argentinian Spanish, which is a different type of Spanish, sort of a little bit. and you have a mate and you just like walk around with a mate, I think you could blend in. Yeah, no shirt. But you've probably got to change like your comfort with your naked body. I know. I am very uptight, but I think if I could come down to Cordoba, I believe, and have some mate and wander around without my shirt on, I think, and convince myself that I'm Argentinian.

6:29I mean, you could tell people, yes, he is Argentinian. He's just quite ill. I'll vouch for you. I'll vouch for you. No questions asked. He doesn't have enough platelets. I'll vouch for you. People are already doing that for you here in the States, aren't they? Yeah, exactly. I get that here, but we really have to ramp it up. Like he's missing several organs. He doesn't have long to live. This is his make-a-wish. Well, it could work because I live in a hospital area. There's like five hospitals around. Oh, perfect. So it could work with our alibi. You could get me an IV and I could walk around with it and go, I am from Cordoba.

7:08I'm not well. I'm waiting on a melanin transplant. You're merging from the correct accent to a vampire accent. Yes, I'm okay. I went to a vampire accent. Hey, I have a question for you. Your English is superb. How did you learn English? Do you learn it in school? Oh, it's a funny story. No, I didn't. So I learned when I was a kid without really knowing by watching television. My brother was going to an exchange student program in the U.S. and then the host family called the day before and my mom didn't speak any English. and I walked through the door and I had had like, I don't know, maybe a few English classes for school, which is basically nothing, honestly.

7:57And then I just picked up the phone and started talking. And that's how we all realized that I could speak English, including myself. Wow. That's incredible. It hasn't happened with anything else. But so I think it's later on, I got diagnosed with ADHD. So I believe I was hyper focusing. Yes. And my parents let me watch too much television. And I watched Seinfeld and I watched Mad About You and Friends with subtitles. And I just I picked it up, I guess. You know, that's fascinating because you're I've talked to many people in different countries. And you're not the first who said that they learned English from watching American television.

8:36um Sona came oh no no when she came to America she watched primarily uh Silver Spoons I think and uh huh um Too Close for Comfort yeah and how did I get here? I think on by sea it's the only way to get here a ship a raft or something a raft or a ship oh okay whatever we all straightened it out she's legal now and and she learned the language but I think it's amazing that uh you picked that all up from you must know episodes of Seinfeld by heart I loved it. I loved it. And if I had been fortunate enough to be able to watch Conan since I was a kid, I would have learned many more things. But on the other hand, I get to watch a lot of the things from previous years of Conan.

9:23I don't know why I'm talking to you like you're not there, but you are. A lot of people talk. My wife does that a lot. She says, what are we going to do about Conan? And I'm just sitting in the corner eating applesauce. You're a prominent part of my life. I don't know if you can see. Oh, look, I'm right behind you. That's so cool. Is that a drawing? Yes. Did you do that drawing? It's a hand drawing. No, my boyfriend gave me that as a birthday present. He had a friend who's like, no, no, no. He knows his place. He knows he comes after Conan. Oh, nice. Oh, I am coming to Cordoba.

10:05What do you do for work? So I was a copywriter for many years. I worked in advertising, much like Mrs. Liza Powell O 'Brien. That's right. My wife was when I met her was an ad copywriter. That's right. But then I switched careers completely and I now I do operations for a poker company for an American poker company. Wow. And I do not know how to play poker. So you can't play poker yourself, but you work at a poker playing company. Oh, I mean, I had to learn the very basics of it. And then this is so the it's a poker teaching company. so we have courses very advanced courses based in math and statistics and it's really really advanced and awesome uh so i can't follow any of them so i help everybody with like their courses like if they're missing something they're billing and and i help my boss who's the chillest boss in the world uh shout out to james must be nice so it doesn't sound like much of a boss to me so yeah Yeah.

11:14It's all that palsy-wowsy. So what's going on in your life? I don't want to get too personal, but I also want to know everything about you. Ohenia, you have this boyfriend. Do you guys live together? We do not. We do not. And I have a huge house. I'm just a loner. I don't want to have a big house. I have a big house. That's why it might sound a little echoey here. I'm sorry. I don't have many furnitures in the office. But yeah, it's a five bedroom house. Wow. Wait a minute. You are a single, you're a single woman. You have a boyfriend, but he doesn't live with you. And you live in a five bedroom house?

11:51I do. I do. He does have his own room. My boyfriend does have his own room. Wait a minute. You said you don't live. I do have a heart, you know. But he doesn't live with you. He doesn't live with you. He does not. But he has a room that he's assigned to go to when he comes and visits. So he doesn't stay in your room with you when he comes. No, because I have two dogs and they're so big and I sleep with my dogs. I'm a loner. He likes me. He likes me as I am. Oh, hey, no. Listen, I'm not trying to be critical. I'm trying to help you. I like this. But your boyfriend comes over and this is your young people.

12:30He's coming over to see you. But because you have dogs in a big house, you make him sleep in a separate room. That doesn't sound very romantic. And you are living in Cordoba. I'm a catch. I'm a catch. I mean, he knows that that's the price to pay to be with me. I mean, I'm pretty cool otherwise. But he's also not with you. He's in a different room in the mansion. He's adjacent to you. And when he's with me, he brings me Conan portraits because he knows where my priorities lie. Nothing more erotic than that. Hey, I'll hand you. Okay. I'm curious. Are you going to fix up your house? Is your is your house going to be all fixed up?

13:12I redid the kitchen and one of the bathrooms because this is like a three story house. And the, the, the bottom floor is not mine. I have like the two top floors. Uh, so the bathroom had was like had problems with the plumbing and stuff. So we had to like take it all down and build it again. And I moved here, but then I didn't decorate. I didn't bring a lot of furnitures cause you have to fill like a five bedroom house. You have to fill it. And I don't have enough, enough furniture. So that's why it sounds so echoey. Do you have a room that's ready? I could. I mean, if Conan wants to come here, yeah, he'll have his room, definitely.

13:54What would we, tell me, let's say I did come visit you. What would we do? So this is a beautiful city because we, so it's a city, it's pretty busy, but then we're like 20 minutes away from like mountains and rivers and lakes. So it's pretty nice. Either summer and winter. I've seen mountains and lakes. This might be interesting. Right across the street from my house, I can see it right now. There's an Armenian restaurant. So Sona, if you come. I'll come. Okay, that's terrific. Can I go? Yeah, no, well, listen, we'll see, Sona. Well, I'd like you to pay for me to go to Cordoba. I'll take care of it.

14:36What I'm more interested in, And you mentioned beautiful lakes and rivers and streams, but I want to hit the clubs. I mean, you're talking about a very young city and I would like to hit the clubs and maybe you and your boyfriend would come along. Tell me about your boyfriend. What's he like? He is awesome. He's 10 years younger than me. I am 37. So it's not like a dangerous situation. He's 27. Wait, what do you mean? It's not a dangerous situation. Do women start killing their mate when they hit 40? The black widow. Yes. I meant illegal. Oh. Because I might seem very young, but I'm 37. Well, 37's young, I believe.

15:20So there you go. It is, it is. I mean, I'm learning so much about you. I still don't think you, you haven't sold me. I like you a lot. You seem like a really nice person. Okay, I accept you've got this guy in your life. And he, what's his name again? Martin. Martin. Martin. I'm going to call him Martin. Martin. Si. Martin. Martin. I must go to Cordoba and I must face Martin. I just want to know about what we would do together. And like I say, I want to go out and hit the nightlife. It must be a very vibrant nightlife. Yes. So, I mean, we could hit the clubs and I will. So over the summer is really cool because the clubs open in the mountainside.

16:08Oh, so you're dancing up until 6 a.m. with like the mountain as one of the walls of the club. Right. That's so cool. So that's available. I don't really do it, but I would do it for you. I mean, I'm your ride or die while we're here. But I don't do I didn't even do it when I was like 18, man. but like I will. I didn't do anything when I was 18. Make one for the team. I didn't leave my room till I was 27. So this all, I was packed in heavy cream and refrigerated. This sounds very exciting to me. Now you're selling me on this. I don't want to hear about lakes and rivers and oh, there's a museum.

16:52Martin will show you. No, none of that. I want clubs. I want this matcha, this special drink that we have. Mate. Mate. Oh, mate. Mate. Okay. I want mate and I want clubs and I want to wear very little clothing and I want to liberate myself. I want to be a new Conan, not the uptight Conan that came from Boston, but the Conan that lives in Cordoba, Argentina. You know, that's that's who I want to be. Is that too much to ask? I like that for you. This late stage in my life. No, I like that for you. I'm 41 years old. You don't have Wikipedia available in South America, do you? Good. So at 41, I want to really spread my wings.

17:40When I lie, my - You have a big birthday coming up. Oh, thanks a lot for telling everyone. Yes, 42. And by wings, you mean just hanging flesh from age. I love that my tell when I'm lying is that I drink completely out of the side of my mouth in an unnatural way. Me? Why, 41. Oh.

18:01Oh, Hania, it's been very nice talking to you. You seem like a lovely person. Thank you. And, you know, if there's any way I can ever help you, maybe I will. I do suggest that you, it's pretty drab, that color behind you. You know, it's just white. Maybe that should change. You want to come and paint? I mean, I was going to, one of the activities that I was going to do, I was going to. Want to come and paint? smart guy no one of the activities why don't I move the furniture I'll move a piano for you too when we're at it you just want to put me to work don't you I mean I was going to teach you how to sew but that was like you wanted to go clubbing so I guess we'll go clubbing maybe this is like a karate kid thing where you have to study under her and you have to do certain chores and tasks and then you don't realize you're ready for the club because you've been painting but actually what you're doing is dancing yes that's right oh that's right Look at that.

18:54I'm going to be painting and I'm going to be moving furniture. Do that again. See, that's going to crush it in the clubs. Look at that. I'm going to be doing this. And then later on, you'll say, Conan, I'll be bitter. And I'll say, Oh, hey, yeah. You said you'd bring me to the clubs, but all I've done is push and paint. And you'll say, Conan, now you are ready. Who is this Argentinian? Yes. Who is this very sick Argentinian? And I'll say, I have a high white blood cell count. And everyone in the club will be holding glow sticks. Do they have glow sticks in Cordoba? Yeah, in the mountain clubs they do.

19:29Yes, well, they come from the mountains. That's where glow sticks are mined. Yeah, they only grow at a certain elevation. Yeah, to come and cut them at the right height. Listen, I feel like a fool, but Ohenia, I'm very proud that you've been listening to the podcast. Is that it? Or do you watch the clips on YouTube? So I first, I've always seen, you know, little clips here and there. but I saw the documentary back in 2012. And that's how I just like became like a diehard fan of Conan. And then I watched the show while I was in New York for a few months. And then just the clips and the podcast and everything I can get my hands on.

20:10Well, Eugenia, very nice. What's your full name, Eugenia? Maria Eugenia. Maria Eugenia. Okay. So Eugenia is your last name. No, no. Yeah, what's your full name? Eugenia Sinkovich Falco. Wow. Wow. That's beautiful. Maria Eugenia Sinkovich Falco. You must find her. Oh my God. Right? Never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth. Well, me neither, frankly. Frankly, there was never a reason for it to happen before today. Yeah, exactly. It's, that's not a sentence that comes out much. Well, very nice, very nice talking to you. And yes, we got to get some color. We got to get some color in that house.

20:49And then we got to hit the clubs. Okay. Yes. Come to Argentina. Now they were best friends. Well, best friends. I got to make a few calls. But yes, you're very close to best. We'll see what happens. We'll see how it goes in the clubs. You have to call Tim Oliphant and tell him I took his place. You just made Tim Oliphant very happy. That guy loves a shout out. Okay, Ohenia, thank you very much and have a lovely day, night, whatever's happening where you are. Thank you. Have a wonderful day. Bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovcesian and Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs Joanna Solateroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf Music by Jimmy Vivino Supervising producer Aaron Blaird Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm Engineering by Eduardo Perez Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

22:02This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.