Ice Cube

23:25You know, we hitting it. We like, boom. And he's, he's the same as me. You know, he, uh, he didn't go to the counselors either. So he got shitty electives too. So we, like, you know, the only two dudes in this class like us. So we're like, uh. And we beat the whole class, like, you know, and we're just talking. Everybody's still typing. And he looks at me and he's like, you ever wrote a rap before? Like, uh, no. You write one, I'll write one. We'll see which one's best. And I was like, okay. And I wrote an original rap. He bit all kind of fucking raps. I'm like, I heard that from LL. that's a line from the fat boys that's from Curtis Blum like dude you cheating and he couldn't rap it so mine was way better you know what I mean but a hell of a typist yeah yeah he's a hell of a typist now but but he couldn't write it I mean he couldn't rap it so I beat him you know outside of class we was rapping with our little piece of paper and shit I mean, I know that line.

24:31You know, and he stopped. I kept going, of course. Yeah.

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27:02you know what's crazy is i've heard you talk about your inspirations and you said you know like me you're a sponge picking up stuff that's going on in the 70s and back then the biggest star in the world was muhammad ali and i've thought about this many times because i'm obsessed with Muhammad Ali. I've watched tons of the footage on him. He does feel like the first rapper in some ways because he loved poetry and he had attitude and he could back it up. And there you go. Yeah. And you're, and you're, and so you're tuning into people like Muhammad Ali or Richard Pryor. They didn't necessarily, not necessarily other rappers, but people that displayed an attitude and a defiance.

27:49James Brown too. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they were like the first real life superheroes in a way. The reason why Muhammad Ali, to me, like you said, becomes the first rapper because he, it wasn't, it wasn't just rapping in a way. He was like, I'm gonna kick your ass in six rounds. And by the sixth round, your ass is kicked. So it was like putting his money where his mouth is, backing it up. And so that made everything stick even more. And then you got the like super fly kind of culture of just, you know, grown men doing a lot of shit talking, you know? And so rapping really is shit talking to a beat.

28:39You know, you just, you know, kind of shooting the shit, talking shit to a beat. And then you sprinkle a little game in there at the same time. Yeah. And it's, and it's the same thing, which is you got to back it up. Yep. And, but it's just amazing to me that even like early Eddie Murphy, there's a guy who's, he's a comedian, but he's got that I'm going to take over the world attitude and he's doing it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. He was a bad boy too. Yeah, and you can sort of channel all of that, which is fascinating to me. And, I mean, you couldn't have been prepared for what happened when you guys got together 1989 straight out of Compton, and it just changed everything overnight.

29:28Yeah, we was planning to be just an underground, hardcore underground group. Locals, really. Compton, Long Beach, Watts, LA. We thought that was probably, you know, probably the nucleus and everything, you know, wasn't going to be done too far from those places. That was our mindset because we felt like the music we're doing is too hard, too much profanity, and it's too L.A., you know, street culture. Yeah. So. Why would someone care about this? Yeah, yeah. It's getting more niche-y and niche-y to, you know, we feel like we're going to be some neighborhood stars, though. Like, we're going to run Compton, Watts, Linwood, Long Beach.

30:15Like, we're running this. But as far as being big as Run DMC or big as, you know, LL and, you know, all those super groups that we looked up to, we had no idea we would ever sniff that kind of fame. Yeah. And it happened fast. Overnight. You know, it was like an article in the L.A. Times by Bob Hilburn. And it just took off from there. Like, everybody was on us. And we had some singles out, but when we put that album together, it just exploded. Then the record, Brian Turner at Priority Records calls us, you got to get up here. You guys got to get up here. What's up? What's up? What's up? You want us up there?

31:02We go up there. He's like, man, did you see this shit? Do you see this? He's showing us a letter from the FBI. Like, man, I just got this, man. And, man, you know, this is crazy. What are we going to do? What are we going to do? You know, and Easy was like, this it? This all they do? They not coming? No Bataram? No fucking LAPD? No fucking, you know. You look at it and go, it's well-typed. It's scary. That's a corona. Yeah, yeah. So we was like, what the fuck is he so upset about? And he's like, man, that's the fucking FBI. We so naive. Yeah, yeah. Okay, man. And then he's like, sound like publicity to me, man.

31:48We should tell everybody they're trying to intimidate us. And I'm like, okay, you know. As long as it's not the LAPD or the sheriffs, I'm down to do whatever. Because those are the ones that really, you know, did a number on our neighborhoods. So we was young, you know, I'm 17, 18 years old, not even thinking that this is a real issue here. That's interesting that Eazy-E's a fascinating guy that in that moment he could see, this isn't a bad thing. This is a good thing. That's why he's brilliant, because he said the music was going to be big. We said it's going to be underground. He was like, no.

32:28and we like yeah nobody's playing this yeah radio he's like he's like well we're gonna do radio versions make them play it take out the custom yeah okay smart you know add some all right mr easy you have something here you know add some acoustic guitars a tambourine see if michael bolton's available yeah yeah let's clean it up uh i mean and that that i i mean i i really love the movie of course your son was in straight out of compton it's just a great it's a really good movie did you feel that was a pretty accurate uh representation because when you guys hit you you go on this tour yeah and the tour just looked like the fall of rome it's just it's It was damn near that.

33:18Yeah, you know, with a movie. And you're that age. Yeah. You're that age, and you guys are on this tour and— Having the time of our life, you know, with all the chaos, we were still, like, we're on the same stage as Run DMC, LL. We actually are on a national tour. Never thought it would happen. So everything after that was gravy. Yeah. Part of the adventure. yeah it was a it was a it was a crazy time I forget the exact question you asked about well just about Stroud Compton yeah now you know you're trying to sum up 10 years in two and a half hours yeah so you have to create summaries of what happened yes and you're actually making a movie so you have to have character arcs and you have to have you know um conflict sometimes that can be summarized in a very simple way yeah and we tried to make a universal movie because like if you're not a fan of you know a bitch is a bitch or fuck the police you know why should you see a nwa movie uh and so we was like okay let's make a movie about brotherhood let's make a movie about you know rags to riches break up to makeup david versus Goliath you know all these universal themes wrapped into our story you know and that way we was able to get the public to to really fall in love with the characters and care for them yeah you know even though the characters are actually us yeah yeah but you're doing I mean given all those constraints I I mean I love the movie thank you and we're proud of it and I thought your son killed it O'Shea he's amazing with a movie like that there's a thousand ways to get it wrong and only a few ways to get it right yeah you know and my son I went to him early in the process and I'm like hey man this NWA movie look like it's gonna happen he's like man good for you man I'm happy for you you know he's playing his game and shit I didn't talk to you for real He said, all right, what's up, what's up?

35:43So I want you to play me. He looked back. He said, okay. I was like, oh, shit. He's like, all right, I got it. I'm like, wait a minute, man. You know, it's a process. We got to, can't give it to you. You know what I mean? You got to, like, become an actor and, like, audition. and you know like the powers that be at Universal have to grant you this part I'm hearing video game noises while you're telling him all this you know he's like I got you I said okay I said okay I already opened my mouth I already opened my mouth so I gotta make him quit I gotta make him say I don't wanna do this you know so now I'm like give me an acting coach I want one in LA find one in New York.

36:36I'm going to send him everywhere to get better at this and see if he really wanted or he's going to just, at some point he's like, I don't want to go to New York. You know what I mean? So he met with a couple of coaches and met with the one in LA. And I said, so how's it going? You know, he's like, it's going good. He's like, man, me and my group going to get together. We're going to do some improv stuff. I'm like, okay, you know? he's falling in love with it you know he's like taking it serious I'm like well I want you to go meet with this other person in New York when you want me to go I'm ready I'm like okay this dude and I was happy that he just got bit by the bug and he just started to you know kind of fall in love with the process and then I had to convince Gary Gray you know when I told him I said I want my son to play me.

37:33He was like, man, goddamn, Q. I thought we was making a real movie. I said, look. I said, we are making a real movie, man. I said, he's going to be great. Now, you're going to help him through this process like John Singleton helped me with Boys in the Hood. You're going to help him? And he's going to be great. And he was like, man. So he was looking at me sideways till the auditions. So now the auditions are here and my son gotta go. I'm not there. I sent him. He gotta do a screen test. I'm like, I don't wanna have no influence on nothing. Either you're good enough or not. And he gets there and there's four other ice cubes there ready to audition.

38:23So now he's pissed. It's like, y 'all trying to take this out of my mouth. so he really turns into Ice Cube and gets the part Gary calls me yeah he was the best one you know he's good you know and they oh I told you like I told you man you know and um now he's I mean he's doing Star Wars he's doing Godzilla I can't get those damn movies he's doing he's doing he's doing it'd be great if you also auditioned to play Ice Cube but he beat you yeah he beat me and turned me down so Nah, he's more ice cube-y than you. Yeah, so, you know, that's... You know what's crazy is, I was thinking about it, it's not that you dabbled in acting, you've had a great acting career.

39:08That rap, the music, which was a phenomenal success, you could have just lived off of that the rest of your life and been thought of as one of the great legends of this art form. And then you look at, yeah, it's Boys in the Hood, Barbershop, the whole franchise, the whole Fridays franchise. Right along? Yeah, no, the ride-along movies, but also, I mean, the comedy you do in 21 Jump Street, you know. Captain Dixon. Yeah, yeah, which I always loved because I just, I years ago said someone's got to comment on police captains, sergeants that are always mad no matter what happens, you know. You two are my last nerve.

39:53and you were the perfect guy to play that police, you know, sergeant. I said, I want to be the craziest one. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't want nobody to beat me out as the craziest captain ever. The black, mad captain, you know, who's always beating on the desk. I love those, I mean, because in the 70s, I watched all those movies and they obviously went into the 80s too, but just that same thing that you were having fun with in such a great way. But, you know, the cops would always do something amazing. Like they'd break up the ring. They'd save the day. They'd defuse the bomb that was going to blow up Los Angeles.

40:36They'd do all this stuff and then cut to the captain going, you idiots, you tented the Buick Skylark. It was community property, you know. What? It's the same thing in Top Gun, actually. The new Top Gun movie that Tom Cruise made is Jon Hamm. But I asked Jon Hamm about this. Like, Tom Cruise is just saving the world left and right, and Jon Hamm's always saying, you listen to me, you piece of shit. If you ever save the world again without our permission. Love it. Just love it. But you have, I mean, you are so good at being mad in a comedy way. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's, you know, I want to thank John Singleton again because, you know, a lot of those that, you know, I kind of decided to just take the bull by the horns and produce them and, you know, write or, you know, direct or, you know, just kind of get behind the scenes.

41:36Because when I was doing Boys in the Hood, I would meet with John a lot. You know, he would have me coming over watching movies. He would put you through film school. you know, he's like clockwork orange and all these movies. I'm like, oh, damn. He's like, I got to show you what's a good movie and what's a bad movie and why. And one day he looked at me, he said, when are you going to write a movie? And I'm like, damn, man, come on, man. Like, I'm just not trying to act. I just got here. Yeah, I'm like, you know, I'm still not sure I can act. And he said, you think you're going to get movies good as Boys in the Hood for you?

42:15I'm like, bro, I don't know. He said, no. He said, they have no movies for you, Q. You're going to have to write your own. And I'm like, okay. And then when I end up falling in love with the process of making a movie and then, you know, going to his film school, so to speak, I started writing, and he helped me. You know, my first two scripts was terrible, and my third one was Friday. That's crazy. Yeah. And then there's just so many moments from that lines that are just part of the culture. Yeah, that's great. I mean, you think about all the different ways without getting a swelled head that you've been part of kind of like the history of the culture.

42:59It's pretty amazing. I mean, not being a comedian and having a comedy that's, you know, considered a classic and, you know, making, you know, my favorite comedians laugh is like the biggest kick I get out of all of this. Yeah. You know, having, you know, a person like Eddie Murphy or, you know, Dave Chappelle or somebody be like, yeah, love that Friday movie. You know, it's just funny. And I'm like, damn, as much as y 'all made me laugh and I get to make you laugh a little bit, you know, it's very cool as a fan of comedy and comedians. I was thinking about that today. Like, yeah, the whole movie aspect of your career wasn't really the plan.

43:40And it's been massive. It's been huge. I fell in love with the process of just creating on that. I'm like, man, there's no bigger canvas for an artist than a movie screen. Yeah. And a movie, you know, two hours of, you know, whatever story you need to tell. And I'm like, this is the place I want to be. Because, like you said, the music, the artist skits. We did love, you know, trying to make it sound real. You know, just using audio. You know, we had, they had these little sound effects CDs that, you know, you could buy 250 of them and it's the same scream that you hear. It's the same car horns.

44:22It's the same city sounds, you know, and we're trying to use them and blend them and EQ them to where, you know, the environment that we're in, we're trying to bring it sonically. so to be able to do that like visually sonically effects you know the whole shebang on a on a screen I'm like man I'm there I go to Outside Land with my daughter and I see Dochi perform and she's killing it but halfway through they cut they cut to this screen and it's a sketch and it's like a take off on like a sitcom but it's insane and it ends with one of the characters being thrown out the door and it's a dummy. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

45:12And then she goes back to being this insanely amazing rapper, dancer. And I thought, this is, it's everything. It's great dancing, great, incredible, intricate rap. And then one of the funniest sketches, hands down, I've seen anyone do, anywhere. And then she's back into it again. And it's just, yeah, it's all of it. It's the humor. It's the darkness. It's everything. Yeah, and I think in honesty, I think that's important too. When people know you're coming from a real place, they want to see how you package it and present it. You know, they don't want you to always stay in the lines. They want you to go outside the lines a little bit.

45:58Yeah. Don't be so safe. You've got all these different passions. You've always been passionate about basketball, huge fan. And then a bunch of years ago, you started this three-on-three idea, which is, starts out small, just like anything else. You started out, but you've been working on it since like 2017, I think. Yeah. And now you've got this thing, Big Three. It's a three-on-three basketball league. Yeah. It's streaming. Where is it streaming? Is it Paramount? Right now we're on CBS, Paramount Plus. I think it's on Fubo. Yeah. And explain how it's three-on-three and who's participating. We just professionalize three-on-three.

46:45Yeah. You've seen five-on-five everywhere. And we're like, man, I had more fun playing three-on-three growing up. Yeah. Why is it in the parking lot? Like Mountain Dew and Nike used to do these weekend warrior tournaments three-on-three. And we're like, where's the pros? And like, it's a void in the market. Because after the finals end with the NBA, if you're not into those summer sports, you're waiting for the NFL. So there's three months of you want to kill yourself, you know.

47:23I wouldn't go that far. Oh, it's true. I don't know what to do in those three months. You know, after 40 years of that, I just, I couldn't take no more. You know, I'm like. So this is, I mean, this is the way fans can be watching. And who's playing three on three? It's some players that used to play in the NBA, former NBA players. Some of these players play in other countries all around the world. And it's just the best of the best at this format. You know, a lot of guys that's in the NBA wouldn't be great at this format because some of those guys are specialists. They're a three-point guy. They're a defensive guy or whatever.

48:07You have to be an all-around player for three on three. Like pass, dribble, shoot, defend at a high level or you're going to get exposed. So we're kind of developing our own athletes that can play basketball on this level. And if you look at what we're doing compared to the Olympics, it's night and day. The Olympics feels very amateurish. Well, it is amateur sports, but ours feel more like the NBA, more like a pro experience. You guys have a four-point shot? Four-point. How do you get a four-point? We got three four-point circles. So, you know, one of them's in the middle and two on the side. and if you just have a fingernail touching one of the circles, it counts.

48:52But if you shoot that far and not touch the circle, it's just a three-pointer. So how do you get the four-pointer? You got to be standing on the four-point circles. Oh, you get a four-point. Okay, so. You got to shoot from those areas. Okay. Yeah, I always think of ways to improve sport, and I used to think the NBA should have something where if you can somehow put a special hat on while you're playing and sink a shot. It should be like a five-point shot. I don't know about that. Oh, come on. We'll stick with the four-point circles. I'm with you, too. Yeah, that's a bad idea. Hear me out. Hear me out.

49:25I've got lots of ideas for different sports. We actually don't want to hear you out on a lot. No, we're good. I think we heard enough. If you could, it's a hat that if you can access it. Yeah, we got that part. And it's like a fun hat. It's an interesting hat. Is there a hat guy? There's an area of the court where they have a hat on a little table. if you can get that hat on and get the shot off and it's in a certain area, then it's a five point shot. I also think in baseball, you should be able to choose which way you run. I like this. When you hit the ball, you can run to first or you can run to third.

49:58Once you pick a direction, you have to stick in that direction. You have players crossing each other on the baseline. This is a better version of baseball. If we could add a hat to that. No, no, no. That hat sucks. I think I saw that on Banana Ball.

50:16Do you play? Definitely not. No, no, but I mean for fun. We're serious. No, no, no. I know that you don't play in the league, but do you play a lot? No, I retired. And I went to the podium. You didn't see me at the podium? I did. I did. I saw they loaded a banner. Yeah, all that. So I'm done. Do you shoot around then? I shoot around a little bit. But I kept seeing some of my friends who are amateurs for sure getting pro injuries. You know, they were like popping Achilles and, you know, tearing knees. And I'm like, who needs this? Like, why would Ice Cube be on crutches? And people said, what happened, Cube?

50:56I was playing basketball. Do you talk about yourself? Do you often talk about yourself in the third person as Ice Cube? It slips out sometimes. Ice Cube wants pudding. Yeah. Okay, I'll get you put in. It does slip out, and I kind of catch myself. I remember when we shot the second remote, we go downtown, and then I think it was your guys' idea that we should get weed. We stop off a dispensary. That was your idea, man. Come on. Oh, please. I would never. No, he wanted to add a hat into it. Yeah, yeah. I wanted to go hat shopping. You and Kevin Hart fucked up that idea. Yeah, but we go, we get all this, we buy so much and we stock the car with it.

51:41And then the remote's over. We end up in a parking lot somewhere. I'm thanking you guys, you know, SUVs pull up, you know, Kevin Hart gets in his SUV. People are gonna leave. I'm talking to my crew. I'm like, oh my God, that's great. People are gonna love that. It's gonna be really good. And then I wander back and someone said, hey, where's the weed? It's all gone. And they said, Cube took it. I'm like, this man, you do pretty - You know they wouldn't blame it on the rapper. You know what I'm saying? You do pretty well. Yeah. Oh, so you're denying you took it. You're denying you took it. I'm denying I took it.

52:17Kev Hart, did he leave first? He left first. Thank you. He left in a hurry. He left in a hurry. That is true. Okay. I think he said you took it. I don't know. But that would be like him to say, oh, Cube took it. You weren't going to take it. No. No. No, I wasn't. Yeah, so, you know, it's good that it went somewhere. If they had been commemorative presidential coins. Who's you going to sell it? Who took the Martin Van Buren coins? Don't look at me. Did you say he was going to sell it? I was asking, was you going to sell it? Why are you looking for the weed? I would love to see you try to sell weed.

52:52While you're turning tricks on Santa Monica Boulevard. Buy my weed. If not, I'll blow you. What? You're gonna blow people to buy your weed. That's the incentive to get the weed. What is this business proposal? I'm throwing in the blowjob. That's just, this is a good businessman. You have to have a multi-pronged model. It's your loss leader to get people in the door.

53:21You don't buy my weed, I'll blow you? That's terrible. Come on! Why don't you want this weed? I said I'd blow you. what the fuck happened here Q when we get together it's good but it's also I'm gonna blame you you took the weed and you got me into this blowjob thing no you derailed it at hats okay let's just okay well Sona before we go you talk all this shit about Q all the time now he's here how dare you what'd you tell him hold on no I'm not there's three LA natives in this of me and Eduardo and Matt and the three of us. I mean, you what you've done for L.A. is huge. Yeah. And you know what?

54:04My cousin from Australia came on his honeymoon and I said, where do you want to go? Anywhere in L.A.? And he says, I want to go to Compton. And so we drove around Compton. Yeah, we really did. It's like Disneyland now. Yeah. I mean, you know, he's just like, because that's like his in his mind, that's L.A. culture is driving around Compton. So, yeah. And you're just a prime because, yeah, when how old you would have been pretty young when yes straight out of compton came out i was yeah i mean i was born in 82 but i was in high school when i came out it was huge yeah huge well i was fucking around where was i in boston i don't know it doesn't matter where i was you were not listening to straight out of compton no i was listening to yeah you were listening to some 1920s record but like button up your overcoat when the wind grocery put on the record 78 has the big horn, tank horn, cannibal shot.

54:55You belong to me, Odey Odey Odey O. I can't wait to meet Cube. You were listening to - And song about my Rudy Valley record collection. Straight out of Brookline. Yeah, straight out of Brookline, it was pretty tough. Someone stole my fifth IZOD shirt.

55:13Cube, every time I hang with you, it's one of the, it's just a great day. It really is a great day. You're just a phenomenal force. I'm so happy for you I want to check out this big three so I'm going to start watching it because I do I really got into the finals the NBA finals and yeah now we've you know okay I could watch World Cup but oh wow one zip another exciting game lot of running lot of running another play broken up that's 98 plays in a row broken up fun's fun take it easy but But, uh,

55:56but cute. Yeah. So I'm going to check that out. It's, uh, it's, it's, uh, big three and, um, excited to see it and just come on by anytime. We love having you here. I'd love to be here, man. You know, anytime, man, just, you still throwing up in your mouth a little bit, talking to me, but I'm good. I just need a Coke before I leave. You know what I mean? My taste buds is, you know. All right. All right. All right, man. All right.

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58:40If you're listening, I'm sure there is a way for you to access video. Yeah. If you want to check out what's happening. Team Coco YouTube. Yeah. But you also can just take my word for it. Yes, everything you're describing is correct. It looks like I just stepped out of the shower. Yes. Let me explain what happened. Very recently, I don't know when this drops, but a little over a week ago, my wife and I attended the grand opening of the Obama presidential library. Seems like you're bragging. Okay. It's not a humble brag. It's not a brag of any kind. It's just a brag brag. No, it's not a brag. I'm giving you the story of what happened.

59:19Yeah. I was in attendance, as were many people, much greater, higher, more important people than me were there. But we were very thrilled to be invited along. what i hadn't realized is that um our our seats were outside i hadn't really thought about it and at the last second as my wife and i were in our hotel room in chicago as we're headed out the door i think oh we're gonna be outside so i splash some some black on on my face okay we go to the event we're sitting outside and i'll just say in our row at the end of our row i see oh there's stephen colbert hi stephen you know good to see you and there's david letterman oh wow i love these guys these are great we're all sitting in this row together and uh the sun the clouds break the sun comes out it's a wonderful event amazing speeches um incredible performances now you are bragging it has nothing to do with your hair that's all i'm saying i'm not bragging i'm bragging on the amount of names dropped on the floor i don't know you're not understanding all i'm saying is the Obamas threw an amazing bash.

1:00:25There's another. No, but wait, that is, all I'm saying is that the former president of the First Lady threw an incredible event. We get it, we get it, we get it. Oprah was there. Yeah, of course. Did you talk to Oprah? No. Oprah was very good at keeping me back. Let's just put it that way. As were most of the people there. Most people there had security whose only job was to keep Conan away. Had you in a Conan section. I noticed that other people could just wander up to them. Strangers. could wander up to them. Yeah, but they're very good. They're called Conan Bashers. You can hire a Conan Basher.

1:00:58Didn't know that was an option. Yeah, and you can get one. Anyway, it's three hours plus. And when it's over, I'm so glad that I put the sunblock on and I'm feeling really good about myself. Like, smart move. I walk over and I see Stephen Colbert, David Letterman. They look like they've been playing in a sandbox with plutonium. Their faces are just bright, bright red. And I'm like, well, those suckers don't know how to put sunblock on. A day or two later after the event, I feel like my skull is on fire. And then two days after that, my skull is really itchy. And whenever I, my scalp, and whenever I itch it, it looks like a snow globe.

1:01:38Oh. Just, it looks like confetti. White, white freckled confetti is pouring off of my head. It's disgusting. I'm like, what is going on? I'm going crazy. and I talked to someone and they said, yeah, you got a sunburn on your scalp, which I'm not used to because I've got so much hair, but this sun just went blasted right through my hair and it roasted my scalp. And someone said to treat this, you've got to rub oil into it. So this morning I rubbed oil into it, not thinking about the podcast or the camera. And then I come in and I look like I'm in Sha-na-na.

1:02:19I'm a grease ball. I'm just this, I'm so greasy. Frankie Valli. I'm Frankie Valli. And so I've got this comb. And you have this comb. I've got this comb and I've got this, all this grease in my hair, which is weighing my hair down. My hair can't do its normal thing. And I'm just like, I look like - Like you're in grease. Yeah, I look like I wanna fight one of you in the parking lot by swinging a chain at you. in 1952 or a little switchblade. Yeah, do you feel - Eduardo, I'm gonna come at you with a switchblade. Yeah. But that's how I feel. But do you feel different with your hair like this? I do.

1:02:55I really do. I really feel different. I wanna, I just wanna fight people on the street. I wanna get a hot rod and drive it around. I wanna get Rizzo pregnant so that Rizzo has a bun in the oven. You know what I mean? You think you're canicky? Yeah. Okay, you're not canicky. Yeah, I might be canicky. You're like one of the two extra ones. I'm one of the Thunderbirds that is easily 55 years old. That's my favorite thing, is when you look at still photographs of the Thunderbirds. I know. And it's like, okay, well, there's John Travolta. There's Danny Zuko. There's Danny Zuko. And there's Keniki. Keniki.

1:03:36And then you look at the other guys, and there's two of them that easily look like they fought in a war 30 years ago. No, not him. That's Eddie Deason. No, not him. No, not him. You're not him. Find him. He's not Eugene. No, no, no. You got to find, not Eugene. Eugene is, by the way, Eddie Deason. That's Eddie Deason, king of the nerds. Oh, come on. Did you know that? His name is Eddie Deason and he's king of the nerds. Okay. That's who you think. That's who you think. You think you're kidding. You're having a hard time here. You're not. That's who you think you are. We need all the T-Birds. Yeah.

1:04:04Just go Google T-Birds. Yeah, but he thinks he's that guy. No, no. Yes, and I think I am. Conan. I want to put a cigarette behind my ear. And you know what? As a joke recently, David got me bubble gum cigarettes, so I'm gonna put a bubble gum cigarette behind my ear. There we go. Okay, look at the guy who is, he's in high school? He's in high school? Yeah. No, he's not in high school. He's a pipe fitter who fought in the Korean War. That guy's, I think he's 48 years old. He just had a stent put in. It's unbelievable. They're like, you think you can play high school? Sure, I can play high school.

1:04:46Hey, what's wrong with your knee? I had it replaced. We just Photoshop Conan's face into that photo. Oh, I know we should. I'm a greaseball now, and I'm just going to keep rubbing oil into my head until my skull heals. What kind of oil is it? What is it? I just grabbed, they said, this person just said oil, so I got some WD-40. Oh, okay. I kind of like this look on you. Do you really? I do. I think this makes you look very refined. Refined? Well, that would be if I combed it straight back. Yeah. It's sort of Michael Caine and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Yes. It's like Al Pacino in The Godfather. We don't have a mirror here because we suck.

1:05:25What? Well, we do. Come on. We've been doing this a long time. There's no mirror. I never get any makeup. We're not a real urban. Oh, I do my own makeup. Maybe you can do your own makeup. So you like this? I don't hate it. I don't. You don't like it, right? I don't like it, no. It's very different, but it is like a Conan 2.0. This is undiluted fat Irish face. This is just big block of Irish face. Come on. I think the hair can at least obscure and soften. It's very Wall Street, which I think is like against kind of who you are. No, I think greed is good. No. I am Gordon Gekko. No. Yes, it's Gordon Gekko.

1:06:04No. In a world of Gordon Gekko's be Martin Sheen. Now I'm just a Gekko. I don't know. Now I'm just acting like a Gekko. That's why you can never be like Gordon Gekko. No, that's why you can never be like him. That's why this hair won't suit you. It's because you do that stuff. We gotta fix the burn. I know. When's your hair gonna stop? I don't know. It actually might have already. Isn't there like a powder sunscreen we can get for your scalp? I'm gonna order some for you. Get a sunscreen. No, you know what it's called? Wear a hat! You know who's wearing a hat? Hillary Clinton was up there wearing a hat.

1:06:36And it wasn't just any hat. It was, I mean, it looked like a giant sail on a sailboat. It was a huge hat. She's smart. Yeah, she's smart. She's laughing at me right now. Yeah, she is. And she's fine. She has no itchy scalp. She really doesn't. But I also, it's been long enough. I really don't think that you have to deal with it anymore. Does your scalp even still itch? Like when I get sunburned and I do it, my skin's just too. This is my question. It's like a day. No, this is, I know. That's what I'm curious about. It's been over a week. No. So something's, this could be a worse problem. Oh, come on.

1:07:13Don't do that. Don't get into that hypochondriac thing you do. I'm turning into Gordon Gekko. Or if it's plural, Gordon Gekai. Why did I force that? I don't know. Anyway, I'm sure I'm fine. I just got to oil up this melon. This is Irish mafia. I got to start saying, hey, I got to run. I got to oil up this melon. Yeah. And I just said Irish mafia and you said oil up this melon. Gotta oil up this melon. That's not very Irish mafia. And then I gotta go see Danny Zuko. Because we're about to graduate high school. And then he's gonna drive me in for my lung transplant. All right. Pray for me. Pray for me.

1:07:55Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao Theme song by The White Stripes Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

1:08:15Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

1:09:03For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters. Tremphaya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremphaya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremphaya, proper training is required. Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them and liver problems may occur.

1:09:44Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit TremfireRadio.com.