Ike Barinholtz

23:47And Seth said, I don't think this is the right time. Yeah, it's an appropriate. And I said, when is the right time? Would later today be okay? So that was, that's on me. That is on you. But they're still trying to figure it out. So yeah. The season's done. I get mistaken for a woman a lot. So that's in my favor. I live in this neighborhood. So I see you. I remember I was at my vet one time and I saw you walking down the street and there was a guy in front of you who clearly worked with you. and you were slapping him on the shoulder as hard as you could. That would be a writer. That would be a writer.

24:23It's like shaking. That would be either Mike Sweeney or Matt O 'Brien. I have certain writers and Matt O 'Brien in particular, no relation. I tell everyone he was my cousin and I had to hire him even though he's not funny. And he's a brilliant writer. He's really funny. He's no relation. It's just such a common last name. But I'm very comfortable giving him a physical beating. Yeah. I'm very tactile too. I touch people. I kind of grab my friends. Yeah, I grew up with a lot of, there's a lot of grabbing, wrestling, and growing up. Irish Catholics and Jews are both tactile. Yes. You like to touch.

25:01I like to get my hands on consenting males. Yeah, that covers it for the law. I think I'm okay now.

25:18Well, Father's Day is coming up. Hint, hint. June 21st. Wow. We're not your children. What? My children are not getting me anything, so it's up to you guys to get me Father's Day. They have never bought into Father's Day, but you guys are going to. You're my employees and you have to. Well, guess what? Luckily, Macy's has a wide range of options, the expertise to help you find the perfect gift. Macy's is the answer for Father's Day. David, as my sort of surrogate son, the son that I hired to buy me things, I hope that you're prepared for this Father's Day and I hope you've consulted Macy's. Oh, I sure I have done both of those things.

26:03First, there you go. You love a pun. We got you a shirt that says The Grillfather. I love that shirt because you know what? I love the Godfather movies and I love grilling and they've combined them with The Grillfather. And are you ready to combine it even more? Let's see the next gift. Ooh. A ninja indoor grill. Can I see something? That looks really good. It does. And then, you know, sometimes when you're grilling, you know, you might want to get rid of that scent, that smell. So we got you some Dior cologne. Oh, is that Sauvage? It's Sauvage. Oh, my God. I love Sauvage. And I love that it does mask the scent of charred meat really well.

26:39Yeah. So happy Father's Day from us and Macy's. You know what? I want to say thank you. Those are cool gifts. I love it. Check out Macy's online gift guide for more ideas at macy's.com slash gift guide.

26:54Big news, Sona. Yeah. Did you know T-Mobile recently partnered with the National Park Foundation? No way. Yep. They're making it easier to stay connected so you're free to wander. Well, that's really cool. And I love a national park. I really do. I do too. Now, there's one thing you have to have if you're doing that, good signal. It's a priority. Do you know what I mean? You got your maps, your music, this podcast. Yeah. So take America's best network plus their off-grid satellite coverage with you. Look, we're all a little spoiled, but we like to have access to all our stuff and suddenly you don't have it because of a bad single.

27:26That's when I throw my phone into the Grand Canyon. Oh, okay. Literally filled half the Grand Canyon with phones. Then I got T-Mobile and never had to chuck them again. You know? Good. So wander over to T-Mobile.com and switch best based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data for 2H 2025. Wow, that's some sentence. T-satellite with capable device in most outdoor areas in US where you see the sky. That's important, you gotta see the sky. Service may be limited or unavailable. Included with experience beyond or$10 per month. Auto renews, cancel any time. That was probably meant to be said by a robot really quickly, but I just did it slowly so you could really understand.

28:07Disclaimer, please do not throw your phone into the Grand Canyon. The Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle, the best in entertainment in one bundle. This month, stream Pixar's blockbuster family hit, Hoppers, on Disney Plus. The hit horror comedy, Send Help on Hulu. And season three of the HBO original series, House of the Dragon, on HBO Max. Get the Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle today. All of these and more streaming soon. Available with Disney Plus. Hulu Max Bundle plan starting at$19.99 a month. Terms apply. Visit DisneyPlusHuluMaxBundle.com for details.

28:56Well, here's the thing, because you talk about comedy and these influences, but I do love the studio. And then I heard you talking a while ago about how much the Larry Sanders show meant to you. And I thought, oh, this is interesting to me because I love the Larry Sanders show. and there's a similarity in between Larry Sanders and the studio. They're both about the business and there are specific ways if you're in show business that you can pick apart certain things and say, well, that's not really how it is. And for me, watching Larry Sanders back when I was doing a late night show and there was one writer on the show and Larry would be, yeah, I would see things that if you're in it, you can pick apart, but those are irrelevant because they're getting the essential soul of it.

29:44Right. Also, I think too, if you did like an exact version of what it's like, it would be kind of boring. Yes. Right. It would be like, it's like, oh, we're in a car, we're driving to the lot and we're going to talk to a director and in real life, they show up, they say hi for a few minutes and then they leave. But we want people to watch it. Yes. And also, I always want to believe when I'm backstage that there will be showgirls, two people in a horse costume. Yes, classic. And I wanted to do a late night show that had that backstage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that almost influenced what kind of comedy we did.

30:19I wanted horse costumes. I wanted people dressed as soldiers. Masturbating bears. I wanted masturbating bears. I wanted all that shit backstage, you know? Shout out Brian Stack, by the way. Brian Stack. Conan O 'Brien legend, Brian Stack. Yeah. He is. And you know what? I had a very sweet moment with Stephen Colbert because Brian Stack, one of the great all time writers and writer performers on my show, who did so many great characters and was so prolific and was such a voice of the show. he went to work for Stephen Colbert after we shut our thing down and has done great work for him for many years.

31:00I went, this is a couple of months ago. I'm in New York. I call Stephen. He says, come on by. And I went and I'm hanging out in Stephen's office and we're chatting for a long time about different things, late night war stories. And then he had to get to rehearsal and he was going to show me out or have his assistant show me out. And so we leave his office and there's a flat screen up and on the screen, they're rehearsing a comedy piece and it's Brian Stack wearing a ridiculous costume with his wife, Miriam, incredibly talented Miriam, uh, and incredible actress, really funny and such a great, uh, uh, such a big part of our late night show as well.

31:36They're both on screen going like, nah, you listen here. And they're wearing ridiculous costumes and I'm looking at it and I realized I was looking at that in 1993 on the screen. as I went down to my late night show, here it is 2025 at the time and nothing's changed. Now you listen here, I'm gonna tell you right now. You know, we're the watermelon heads or whatever. And Colbert and I just lost it. Like there's no escaping that face on a rehearsal cam and it will exist forever. But I have to talk to you about this. You had this experience because you - A threesome. You - No, no. What is it? It says here a six-some.

32:21Well, there was two of us. You had a threesome twice. I see you had a threesome twice, guys. Different day, separated by many hours. The math, okay. It says here six cocks.

32:32You know what I love? My research says here six cocks. Yeah, six cocks. No, it's three cocks, six, three veg, okay. Oh God! I'm telling you what happened. Your researcher is incredibly base. Oh, and there, I have to say, yeah, three cocks. He's trying, too. Let me see. Oh, that is me. That is me. Okay, take it back. The guy's working hard. You're giving, high-fiving the cameraman. Oh, okay. It's my dad. He's my friend. And he also happens to be doing a great job. He's like, get it, son, get it. Just like I told him. I gotta go. You know what? Tell Alan that he's mentioned in the podcast Gotta listen the whole thing.

33:17You gotta listen the whole thing. When you get to the six-some where you're filming me. And you're listening with mom, just do me a favor and be like, I'm losing the signal or something. And I just hit the plus 15 twice. I don't know what happened there. Did they say six-some? No, no. He said Wrex-some. Wrex-some. Wrex-some. They talked about Ryan Reynolds football team.

33:42It's wrong with you. What's wrong? What's wrong with me? It's him. He's the one that did it. I went there. I went there. You did. That's great. So there's this thing that I heard about years and years ago, one of the early, early travel things I did, travel shows I did was I went to, I can't remember. I think it was related to some kind of promotion. They were going to have our late night show appear in some European markets. They asked me to go to Amsterdam. And I also think maybe Cologne, Germany. And so I traveled there and thought, well, we should record this. So we're in Amsterdam. And I only found out later on that there, I think I was stopped by someone on the street who said, Hey, Conan, we're a bunch of Americans who are doing improv, which was how I began as an improv, not standup.

34:29He said, we're doing improv here in Amsterdam. Can you stop by? And I remember saying, I'll try to, and then I couldn't because we were busy shooting all this stuff. And also, so I just didn't want to go. Which I didn't have to mention. Why do that? Why not just say I was too busy? No, but I get it. You're in a foreign country. You're working. Saying to someone, you want to watch some improv, it can be a tall order, especially for someone who's done improv. But it was very mean what you said. Please continue. Very hurtful. No, but I'm remembering now how not busy I was. Well, now you're just gilding the mean lily, I would say.

35:03No, I had my researcher put my schedule in. Two whole days. Of nothing to do in Amsterdam. In 1999. Yeah. Just nothing. Nothing. It's a tundra. It's a vast. All I have is wake up and see the Matrix. Yeah.

35:21See the Matrix twice, it says. And then question mark, question mark, nothing else to do. They wrote that down? I did not have. No, no, yes. I didn't have time to go do it. But then I later found out from Seth Meyers that he was part of that troop at that time. And I'm thinking, I wish I had gone by and met everybody because that'd be cool and see what they were up to. And it's this thing called Boom Chicago that's in Amsterdam. And you did this. Yes. And I replaced Seth, basically. Right. Right. Like it was it was like 1994. Like these three American guys are backpacking through Europe and they love Amsterdam.

36:01and they're like, this is the best city. The comedy is terrible. The comedy scene in Amsterdam at the time was still like old European cabaret stuff where it's like, you know, Hans and Yop. And in the second act, he will wear a dress. Right. And it was like, what the fuck? It always ends with, let's go buy some wooden shoes. Yes. It was the blow to every sketch. A lot of clogs. A lot of clogs. Very clog heavy. And so they're like, what if we opened a second city style theater that was some sketch, some music, some improv and stuff. And at first it was just like five or six of them in the back of a bar.

36:36I believe Miriam Flynn was one of the, or Tolan was one of the first ones rather. Later Miriam Stack. Later Miriam Stack. And by the time I got there, it was like a big theater. Like it was like a 250, 300 seat dinner theater. And the appeal, if you were in Chicago for me, was like, oh, you don't need a day job anymore. Because I had a horrible day job that was killing me. and then at night I would do improv and to go, I'd never been to Europe. I was 22 years old and I went and I had a threesome every day. I was there for two years. That's like 21 ,000 sexual experiences I had. A lot of cocks.

37:16With all different people. A lot of cocks. A lot of cocks. You know, once you're in it, it doesn't matter. This was in the 90s. Different time. Yeah, before 9-11. Yeah. Um, and, uh, it was, uh, but it was incredible. I got there and I learned how to perform big because in Chicago, I was doing a ton of improv in Chicago and in Chicago, you can kind of, you can score without having to go big in Chicago. You can come in and drop a really funny reference. You can play like kind of a cool character and you're in a small room. You're going to get a big laugh, but going there and having to perform for people who don't speak English necessarily, or don't understand your reference base at all, that taught me how to, I think, be bigger and kind of perform for the masses.

38:03Well, when I was 22, senior in college and about to graduate, I knew, I was like, I want to do stand-up, but I'm very interested in improv. And a lot of people in 1985, I would say, I want to do improv. They didn't know what it was. No, no, no. And so I wrote a letter to... um, Dell Solins, Bernie Solins. I found out the name Bernie Solins. I wrote a letter and it was this very formal, I wish I had a copy of it, but it was very formal typed letter that said, dear Mr. Solins, my name's Conan O 'Brien. And I'd been, you know, president of Lampoon and I've done all this work in comedy and I wish now to do improv and I would like to come to Chicago.

38:43Is there a way I could join your troop? I didn't know about the classes. I didn't know. Right. And I basically got like a form letter back that said, um, I was, asking basically, can I come be a part of the show as opposed to, can I move to Chicago, start taking classes and try and work my way in? I just didn't know what it was all about. I got sort of a form letter back saying that's not really how it works. Bernie Solins just took some of his cigar ashes in an envelope. There you go. Bernie Solins is a famous line where they were, he was directing a second city show or something and someone was pitching a sketch and another actor was like, yeah, but we kind of did a version of this sketch in the last show, it's kind of the same joke.

39:21And Bernie Salas goes, look, there's seven jokes. And it's all about how you tell them. Seven jokes? Yeah, he's like, there's only seven real jokes. I thought there were only five. This is mind-blowing to me. In Chicago, we have a couple extra bonus ones. Oh, right. Sausage and then, yeah. Heart attack. The Cubs. Ditka. Ditka and then sausage. Big one. But I, yeah, I was intrigued by that. And so when you guys talk about, I mean, it didn't exist when I was going there, but the idea of being 22 and living in Amsterdam and doing comedy, I would go, I almost want to do that now. You can. Like I, at my age, I would want to go and do it now because.

40:05I can make one phone call and you will be in the Boom Chicago cast. They would be thrilled to have you. They're going to have to fire one of the younger current cast members, but. You know what? The juice is worth the squeeze. I was gonna say that same saying, and then I realized I don't know what it means. And I've never heard of it before. And that's why I didn't say it. I think it's funny when someone who's established in their career and very old and has like really is set financially goes and takes work away from young people. It's the funniest thing you could do. That's funny to me. It's funny and it's a good life lesson for them.

40:42Yeah. Yes. Work hard or not, it doesn't matter. Someone more famous and rich might come in and take your shit anyways. Some old prick like Conan O 'Brien can come in and go, Hey, you know what? This amuses me. Great job you got here. It would be a shame if something happened to it like I took it. I'm going to live in the fanciest house in Amsterdam. My house is on a boat. Yeah, I'm going to have a big boathouse, and I'm going to drop by and do some bad improv. And you can fucking hit the road. This is, I'm so happy with all these life choices I'm making here. Well, I think that just sounds fantastic.

41:20It was so much fun. And it was a great group. It was, you know, Seth Meyers, I kind of replaced him. But he would come back a lot. His brother Josh Meyers was there. Jordan Peele was there. Jason Sudeikis, Liz Krakowski, Kay Cannon, Jill Benjamin. All these great performers were there. And it was a really great time, too. It was 99, 2000. It was before the Euro. So we still have the Gilder. you were on the Dutch Gilder and it was two Gilders to a dollar. Isn't that crazy? I picture you guys having leather pouches with gold coins in them. We had leather pouches. And you'd be paid by someone tossing you a leather pouch and you'd catch it.

41:55That was basically what it was. Tie it to your saddlebag and go. Get on our mule and go back to our village. It was a beautiful, it was really beautiful. It was a special time for me. Nice show to you tonight. Here's a sack of Gilders. But we still go back. I took my family there last year. and it's Amsterdam is an amazing city really one of the greatest cities in the world I love it and that has nothing to do with the abundant legal drugs that's a separate thing that I love that has nothing to do with the charm and feel of the city yeah and the drugs the drugs are good which we have now in Los Angeles do you guys have any here?

42:34I do have some should we do some mushrooms now? do you ever do that? do you ever microdose? do you ever do any of that? I don't I don't really For like any moral reasons? Or you're just like, I'm looking at that point of view. It was not, no, nothing. I make, I don't have any moral judgment about it at all. I really don't. I just didn't ever feel like it was my thing. And mostly I've been spending a lifetime trying to understand my mind. So the idea of throwing some cuckoo juice in there didn't appeal to me as much. Cuckoo juice? What if I told you? Putting in an accelerant or anything weird thing in there always felt to me like, no, no, no, it's everything I can do to get this thing to settle down.

43:16What if I told you by doing it, it could help you understand your mind deeper? Yeah. What if I don't want to understand it? What if I'm happy with this level of understanding? I'm just trying to get to the grave. God. I look at the grave the way a tired person looks at a well-made bed. I just want to pull up the soil around me and go, soon, my love, soon. Soon, the grave beckons, the grave. This is your fault. You know what? I blame Ike, I really do. I blame you. I blame you too. Because you're an accelerant for this kind of foolishness. I am, I am. I want to make sure that I, because we could do this for thousands of hours, you and I, which is the lovely part of having you here.

44:10Which is why I should be your friend. Because I know some of your friends in real life, and I'm better than them. And guess what? I know what you're talking about. I would rather swap out. Right, I'm going to say his name on the count of three. Say it. One, two, three. Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. Here's what I'm going to say about Paul Rudd. He's richer, he's more famous, he's funnier, he's better looking. I am younger, and I am more loyal. Yes, yes. To my friends. Yes. Also, you know, Paul Rudd, and if you're listening, Paul, I'm speaking directly to you. He comes and goes with the tide. When Paul's tide is up, you know what I mean?

44:44Yes. I don't hear from him. Yes. You know, but God forbid there's a setback or a movie that doesn't quite hit. Then he comes running back. He comes running back. He's like, hey, Conan, Conan, what are you doing? What are you doing, Conan? What are you doing, Conan? What are you doing? But then the second things start to hit again for Paul, as they always do, because he just doesn't age and he's perpetually successful, then he's gone again. You won't have that problem with me. Nothing hits. Right. I will always be there. I'm a loyal, I'm a loyal friend. You're, you know what? Your career is consistently ice cold.

45:14Just, just, yeah. It's just never interesting or good. And that's why I'm. No, no, no, no. Ice cold, ice cold. Well. Frozen, frozen. Just absolutely frozen. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know you've got, oh, I got a Critics' Choice Award for my character in the studio. I brought it. He came in. Did you see what he was wearing when he came in? He had his Critics' Choice Award made into a necklace. It was like, yeah. And he had it, and it was like - It was like 26 pounds, by the way. It's a heavy necklace. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I'm just saying - It was like Flavor Flav's clock. And he's - That shows the kids I know what time it is.

45:54We were just about to get the word out on whatever project. I know. They just started shitting on him. Sorry. I was about to, I know I was about to do the professional part. We have to just take a second here and acknowledge you're hilarious as Sal Saperstein in the studio. You were so funny in that role. And it's funny because you had a very specific idea for who this guy is. And I know there are a bunch of execs, many execs come to you and say, oh, that's based on me, isn't it? Yeah. Because yes, they're all self-involved, but they all see themselves in what you've created with Sal. Which says a lot about them, by the way.

46:31There are definitely times where there's guys and ladies that I know who are studio execs who will say that, like, oh, you stole that from me. I'm like, yes. And then there's some that are like, I know you got that from me. And I'm like, I didn't. I'm struggling to remember your name right now. But I did not take that from you. But I think people see what they want in the part. and it's really based a lot off of my friend Eric Byers who's an executive at Universal except for he doesn't do drugs and is very responsible but they love the some of them the work isn't exciting making the movies exciting but they want to where are we going to dinner afterwards and that's like my cornerstone of like where are we going to go to dinner where are we going to dinner tonight yeah that's me too yeah well dinner isn't for I mean it's not even noon yet let me do this so I'm hungry and I eat I'm from Madrid, so I eat at 10 o 'clock at night.

47:24And I always - I'm forgetting that you were born and raised. You immigrated here when you were 19. I have the face of Madrid. Look at my face. It's so Madrid. You are real. No, no, but it's always 10 o 'clock at night. It's always paella. That's what, yeah. Always 10, always paella. I just got back from Italy, by the way, where we were shooting the studio in Venice for two weeks. How great is that? It was amazing. That is an experience you're having that makes me so jealous that you'd be part of something where they'd say your job is to go live in Venice. Yeah. And yeah, you're working, but then I'm sure there are times where you're not working and it's time to go watch someone blow glass and drink really good wine.

48:06Sorry, just because this is Venice Beach. Oh, fuck. Yeah. They had me stand at a motor in off Lincoln. Also, you have a travel show. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. You've traveled all over the world. You know what? I just remembered who I am. I thought I was Gallagher two, which is Gallagher's brother, who I think is dead. One of them is not with us anymore. I think neither one is with us now. They both went. I think Gallagher two went to mourn Gallagher and fell into the grave. This just sets up Gallagher three. This is finally his time to shine. And Gallagher three was there and was like, I should probably pay my respects.

48:42No! Watermelon explodes out of the grave. no what i'm saying is i guess what i'm thinking about is when i do these travel shows it's go go go all the time but if i was playing a part yeah and they said we don't need you for six hours that would be very different there was a couple that never happens on the travel show there was a couple times where i was not needed and i got to go explore venice and i saw them blowing the glass and i went and drank a ton of spritzes i had dinner i had dinner with Michael Keaton. Oh. Wow. It's a big one. Was he there as part of the show? He was sitting with his girlfriend at a different table and I was sitting next to them and I kept saying, Michael, it's Ike from the studio and he didn't acknowledge me at any point, but we were in the same restaurant.

49:29This is the same thing you did to me at the pizza restaurant. Well, no, he, no. You actively said, I want him gone. Michael completely ignored me the entire time. Good, good. Like, I was, and I was next to them. You know what it's called in LA when someone's bothering you at a table? The Berenholz. No, the other day I was at an In-N-Out and I'm just trying to enjoy my shake and this guy gave me the full Berenholz. I don't know who the fuck he was. It turns out it was Michael Keaton. Hey Conan, Conan, remember me? I was in Batman. And I was like, what are you giving me the Berenholz for? I'm trying to enjoy my shake.

50:01I'm trying to sit at a table alone and enjoy my shake at In-N-Out and you're giving me the full Berenholz. Do you remember, I mean, this is who you are. This is my namesake and I'm fine with that. and it's something that my daughters will have to kind of carry with them throughout their lifetime. Wasn't even booked today and he comes in and gives us the full Barinholtz. I'm here, I'm here. Good luck getting rid of me now. I'm part of the show now. He lives here.

50:29Jesus, I want to talk about this new project. Yes. You love trivia. I love trivia. You've always loved trivia. You're very good at trivia as you've proven on these different shows. Are you good at trivia? Here's the thing about me. I don't, I know, I think I have a, my brain knows a lot of different strange things it shouldn't know, but I don't have command of it. Let's find out. Meaning I don't think I could just go bang, bang, bang. Let's find out, because I brought some. Because I don't recall, you know, and I'll be like. That's not true. You'd crush it at trivia. Here we go. So this is just Trivial Pursuit.

51:03I think this is like Genius 3. So I'm just going to run through these. What city's Lord and Taylor boasts the Wanamaker Grand, the second largest pipe organ in the world? Yep. I think I know this. I don't know this at all. Wait, say it again. What city's Lord & Taylor boasts the Wanamaker Grand, the second largest pipe organ in the world? I have no idea. I'm almost sure at Chicago because my Aunt Libby used to work at Lord & Taylor. Wow, well, okay. So the guy from Chicago picks a Chicago question. I was wrong. It's Philadelphia. Oh. Okay. Boom, okay. What hip-hop mogul mused? I feel safe in white because deep down inside, I'm an angel.

51:43Okay, I'm going to have to go with Flavor Flav. That is... Just because we came up earlier. That came up earlier? No, the answer is a dear friend of mine, Sean Puffy Combs. Oh, no. Oh, no. You know you are in the documentary. Yeah, yeah, but just for a minute. Yeah. Giving him the advice, whatever you're doing, do it some more.

52:05Who became the first? Look at him move on. Anyway, next question. We'll get out of that part. Next question. I don't know. Lord Taylor, Sean Puffy Combs. Who became the first female British royal to walk instead of ride in a family funeral procession in 2002? 2002? First British female royal. Well, it's not Fergie. We know that. It ain't Fergie. Because she hates walking. That's just a little fun fact I know about her. In 2002, she was on tour with the Black Eyed Peas. It's not her. It's definitely not her. Yeah. but she is a royal she is a royal as there are many after half the people in the Black Eyed Peas I don't know her at all a royal pain in the ass if you know what I'm talking about let's see which royal is that well it wouldn't be Queen Elizabeth there's no way she's breaking tradition she's very traditional you think she's gonna get on a horse oh no she's walking instead of riding in the procession she ain't walking no she ain't walking and Anne isn't walking I think Anne's walking you think Anne's walking I think Anne's a walker the answer is Princess Anne yay Yeah!

53:09Incredible. Yeah! These are terrible questions. This is Trivial Pursuits question. How many of every six stutterers are male? All. Well, I'm going to go with five. Five is the answer. What do you know that? What are you, like a stuttering enthusiast? Which Grand Slam singles title had Monica Seles failed to win during the 20th century? Which one did she not win? Well, you have, first of all, to know all of them. I'm just going to say Australian Open. Australian Open. I'm going to say U.S. Open. Wimbledon, last question. God damn it. This is about a friend of yours. What hugely successful video was Joe Francis inspired to make after viewing a flasher tape sent in for his ban from television video?

53:54This is your dear friend, Joe Francis. We are not friends. Former business partners. Business partners. Okay. I saw what he was doing and I wanted in financially in a big way. And then I did everything I could to provide moral support. You made a lot of money. But I wish we were better friends. Yes. What's it again? What's the name of the show? I believe it's Girls Gone Wild. Yeah. And it is Girls Gone Wild. Yeah. We have a clip. Listen. Sorry. If you had a Girls Gone Wild clip, I would be... I'm like Paul Rudd, but instead of Mac and me, it's Girls Gone Wild. All right. So let's get to your new a project.

54:34There we go. Funny you ask, a weekly comedy trivia podcast. What? And this is, this sounds like a labor of love for you. It is. I, for years, people were like, you should do a podcast. And I was like, I don't think the medium is going to work. And a couple weeks ago, I was like, the medium works. Right. So let's get into this now. We're not on the ground floor, but we're on like the 80th floor. Right, right. No, I wanted to figure out a fun podcast and I just couldn't think of like a fun hook. And then I was like, oh my God, what if I just wrote trivia questions for my friends? You write the trivia.

55:08Oh, I write the trivia. Not because, not for me. I have a producer who writes the questions for me, so I don't see the questions on our system. But for my guests, what I will do is I will take three subjects you know a little bit about. So for you, what are some things that you wouldn't consider yourself an expert on, but you know a little bit about? I know a lot about the Beatles. Beatles. I know a lot about probably American history, 19th, 20th century, that kind of stuff. That's good. Sorry, sidetracked. You remember the last time I was on your show was Beatles week and Paul Simon saying, here comes the sun to me and you.

55:43It was a deeply romantic moment. What? That was not my show. That was your show, my friend. No. You were here, I was here, Paul Simon was right here. Actually, no, you were here, Paul Simon was here, I was right here. I think Paul Simon was in my lap. I remember that very clearly. He kept calling you Garfunkel? Yeah. He kept saying, are you Art? Yeah. And you kept interjecting. And he said, what's, you give me the full Barinholtz here. Remember that? I was honored he knew my name. That was cool. He didn't even know who you were, but he knew, he didn't know you were Ike Barinholtz. He said, what's this fucking guy giving me the Barinholtz for?

56:18I'm trying to tell a story. So you would come on, I would write questions about the Beatles, American history, other things. and we would come on have a fun conversation and I will sporadically ask you trivia questions and then you will ask me trivia questions and then we do a big speed round. So the guest shows up with their own trivia questions. No, my producer writes the trivia questions for me, yeah. This sounds really fun. It's very, very fun. The reason I'm here is to ask if you will do mine today. I don't have time. I don't have time. Okay. Not just today but I don't have any time. I've never been this busy since I was in Amsterdam.

56:53That's 27 years ago. I feel like David has your schedule. It looks like it's pretty wide open. Okay, we'll figure it out. Sounds like there's a little bit of a discrepancy here between what you're saying and the truth. David, remember I have that thing? What is the thing, David? I don't know. What is the thing? Never been more clear. He's just swiping through, not just months, but years. He's just, he has a whole year on one page and he's just swiping. I see nothing. I would be honored to do your show. I mean, it really is. I, you know, I so enjoy you. You are so funny. You are such a good fellow.

57:31You were always hilarious on my show, all the times you came on. So, yes, the answer is yes, yes, a thousand times. And I feel like we are making really good headway into the friendship arena. This is the real reason I came here. Be careful with this guy. And when I say this guy, I mean me. Yeah. I am a slippery eel. You will probably never hear from me again. I, I'm, when I'm here in the zone, I'm all heat and yes, yes, yes, yes. But then the minute you get out of here, I'm like, what's with that guy? And then an hour later, who was even on today? Right? You completely disassociate within an hour of finishing the podcast.

58:13I don't know who was on. I admire your ability. And it's David's job to bring me seven baked pheasants. And I just eat them. And they're on. Or the line. You put the napkin over your head so that God doesn't see your shame. Yeah, doesn't see my shame. No, I would love to come on. I would. And I do think we should be pals. Oh my God. I wasn't expecting that. Woo! Now, are you up in Santa Barbara a lot? We like to go there a couple times a year. I'm sure you have a house there. I have seven houses there. You're really building out. I just bought Oprah's house and kicked her out. against her will.

58:53I bought it out from under her and I said, you've got an hour. But she's squatting now. She's actively squatting. She's roaming around. She's, yeah, she's hanging out in the garage. She's roaming around? Yeah. What the fuck? She said, I didn't know, Oprah said this, I didn't know legally someone could buy your house without you letting them buy it. But you know what I did? I have a lot of money from these charity gigs I do.

59:19I clean up and then I just buy rich people's houses and tell them to leave. So you can stay in one of my 15 homes. We'll take you up on that. That would save me some hotel. We love it up there. We love that Santa Barbara. What a beautiful, beautiful - Okay, let's not do an ad for Santa Barbara. I'm just saying, it's about a 90 minute drive from LA. You're there in no time. There's a beautiful downtown. Okay. And don't forget the cherry blossom festival. Okay, let's move on. I don't know how this guy from the tourism bureau got here. Just an enthusiast. Yeah. Hmm. Sir, I wish you the best of luck with your new podcast.

59:57I will come on. I will be happy to come on. Oh my God. And just delighted to have you today. This was, this is just not work. I don't know what to call this, but it is not work. An easy Monday, right? Well, don't say what day it is. I'll let you create the illusion that it's happening as people are hearing it. It's a good, you know what? Just having a fun Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. In 2026, 2027, 2028, 2028, 2028, 2028. You know what I mean? This was a real honor. You are the funniest person of my generation. Jesus. Well, let's expand it a little. Okay. Why just your generation?

1:00:35Take the win. Okay, okay. You've seen some of these, quote, funny people from previous generations and not so funny. That's actually true. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking at them all. Let's just click it. All generations. Thank you very much. I got what I wanted. Ike Barron Holtz.

1:00:58The Disney Plus, Hulu, HBO Max Bundle. The best in entertainment in one bundle. This month, stream Pixar's blockbuster family hit, Hoppers, on Disney Plus. The hit horror comedy, Send Help on Hulu. and season three of the HBO original series House of the Dragon on HBO Max. Get the Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle today. All of these and more streaming soon. Available with Disney Plus. Hulu Max Bundle plans starting at$19.99 a month. Terms apply. Visit DisneyPlusHuluMaxBundle.com for details.

1:01:38So much I'm looking forward to this summer. Me too. You know what I'm talking about? But first of all, July 4th is going to be the 250th anniversary of the United States of America. That's a big deal. And just as important, some pretty big soccer games headed our way. Sport. I don't want to get too specific, but let's say some pretty big soccer games are coming our way. On a global scale. On a global scale, that's all we'll say. So much to celebrate this summer, so you got to keep a classic with Miller Lite. Miller Lite has been a true American Pilsner and the original Lite beer since 1975. Were you even alive then?

1:02:11No, I was not. Yeah. I don't think, I think that's good because you couldn't handle the beginning of the Miller Lite era. No. It's too, it's too iconic. Okay. Here's my summer. Okay. Yeah. Hang with my buddies. Yeah. Hey, this is a really good iconic soccer game that's happening that unifies all the different nations of the world. What is it? I don't have time to tell you, but let's have some Miller Lite. Clean, finished, refreshing, easy to drink. and when it's hot outside, nothing feels better going down than an icy, cool Miller Lite. It's an all-American summer and it starts with all-American beer, Miller Lite.

1:02:45Go to MillerLite.com slash Conan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Miller Time, celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

1:03:02Okay, this is part three of Blaygate. Blaygate. Aaron Blair's attempt, and this is to fraudulently use IRS loopholes to bankroll his childish fantasies. and we have Mr. David Melmeds here with us. And you are, are you a lawyer? I am, yes. Okay, because that's what we hired you to do. Yes. But you might've been here to fix the AC and we just hired you. That's, yes. Okay, well, anyway, let's get back into this, what I think is a major scandal roiling our podcast. So what are we talking about, edibles? I would like, edibles and Dylan. Can I write all that off? Anything I mentioned on this podcast, Can I write it off based on Blaze logic?

1:03:54Maybe. Based on Blaze logic? Yeah. Maybe. Based on the law? And again, I'm not a tax expert or an accountant. So this is just... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why did I bring you in? I actually... No, no. I have a cursory sort of understanding of what we're doing here. Because I also am familiar with the tax code. This is ridiculous. No, no. He's going to start listing things to write off. I'm trying to understand exactly how fission works. I got a squirrel here. Can you help me out? This is for the listener. Well, I'm a squirrel. I know about nuts and hiding them for the winter. Don't learn much about fission, but here goes.

1:04:34This is my protecting myself and the show. So if someone hears this and said, oh, I'm going to start writing off X, Y, and Z. I'm just saying, I... Kids don't do this at home kind of thing. Kids do not do it. Yes, correct. So personal expenses that are not related to the podcast, you cannot write off. So if you're bringing edibles, I think I heard that segment for Conan, right? That would probably work more into production than on air. And where production costs can affect Conan, and I am the opinion that we are here to manage Conan, right? it could eat into yeah you know if it weren't for you and for blay i don't think i'd make it in this business it's through your wise counsel though you're clearly not an expert in anything yeah and through blaze incredible work of buying these doodads yes and yes shoving them into the conversation correct um like with a crowbar uh i don't know that i would have a career at all i I think that's why we're here.

1:05:44No. So I'm saying, Blay, maybe. I think you have to separate yourself into when you are bringing something on the show, are you in your role as a producer or as an on-air personality? Can I ask you a specific question? You can. Okay. And are you a producer? I call myself a producer. What is your title? I don't know. What do you mean you don't know your title? I swear to God, I thought you were here to get lunch. Oh, my God. I did. I kept wondering, where's the lunch? Wait, I just want to ask. I thought this kid was getting his food. Can I ask Melman a specific question? Okay. So like, for instance, we talked about how I watch Bane clips on a plane.

1:06:20Great. Okay. Which I love Bane. I watch a lot of Bane clips. Big fan of Bane. Now that's been established on the podcast as a bit. Okay. Now, can I buy a, this is a real question. Can I buy a Bane mask as a follow-up and write that off? Because it's been established on the podcast. Can I buy a Bane mask and write it off? I would say maybe. I think it should all be submitted ahead of time. I think what might be a problem here, Blay, and I say this with all respect, is that you are this untethered child running around having these ideas and swiping a credit card. And I think that's potentially problematic.

1:06:59Could be. What I think you should do is you should go to Adam, I'm invoking you, and you should say, here's my idea. I want to buy a Bain mask. They're$9.99. $9.99. And I think it would be a good segment. And then you can think about it. Maybe you can approach me and we can have a discussion. I totally agree. And the whole thing, I mean, I think, you know, we have established, I think that Blaze is committing fraud. But the one... What I am hearing, though, from David, and David, tell me if I'm wrong, is it's very like tail wagging the dog, right? Like it should start as... The show wants to do X, Y, and Z.

1:07:39So let's go out and buy the necessary supplies, curiosities, whatever it is, so that we can make that happen, so we can execute on that. But to do it the other way around, which is we're buying a bunch of random curiosities and let's see if the show can do that, feels like it's in violation of whatever the tax code is. Yes, I think that is exactly. I think that's a very good way to articulate. Not to say that what you're doing hurts the show. I'm just saying if you're looking to write off certain items, probably go about it the way that Adam described it. So I guess my next question is, can I have a company card to do that?

1:08:21I'm going to ask if you had a corp card. I don't, but it would help, I think, with this situation. Don't you guys think? I think. I can put that sword on a company card. I think you need a real accountant. Yeah, I took for all. Company card flat no. No, wait a second. There's no way you're getting a company. Wait a second. Sona had a company car to put a bunch of lunches on. Has. Has. And puts lunches on. Has. She has one to this day. Yeah, and has lunches on it. I sure do. Well, first of all, I knew that was the deal when I hired Sona. That's what comes with Sona. It's in her contract. No. I mean, she's like Zorba the Greek.

1:08:52You know, she needs to have access to all the things that make her Sona. I think it's a little presumptuous to think that you should be entitled to those same things. I just do. I'm just saying. Like, okay, I bought a big Medusa skull, okay? You're not helping yourself. He's just posting me to write them off. But a Medusa skull you have forever. Sonos just has a lunch. What do you mean a Medusa skull you have forever? No, you don't. Yes, I do. You have it until you get married and she throws that shit out. But a lunch you just eat once and you're done. A Medusa skull you have forever. They're business lunches.

1:09:29They are, we talk business. Can I ask a question? So we have David here. We should take advantage of it. What are are are there things that we should be writing off that we're all that we're not? Well, let me. OK, so lunches. Lunches. Lunches. Yes. I do you guys a favor. I would say anything to manage Conan can be written off. When did I become? I'm sorry. When did I become hepatitis B? No, no, no, no, no, no. You're on it. When did I become this virulent strain that must be contained? Oh, no. A Conan got loose from the lab. That's the way the IRS sees you are on air talent and we are here to manage you.

1:10:11So anything we do to manage the IRS knows that I'm a toxic. I love it. Well, you're OK. So to answer your question, anything that sort of costs to create, produce, protect the show is deductible, right? Anything sort of personal performance, the consequences of wrongdoing, we cannot. Consequences of wrongdoing? Well, meaning you're bringing a mask on the show for, we have to say, what's the intent? If you're bringing it on to have a potential write-off, I would say if we've discussed the segment, right, first, and then you bring it on to sort of, you then i'm gonna say maybe so then i'm gonna say maybe so bane mask might be something i could do it might but i would probably bring that up first then just bring it on and start talking but don't you want to can i just ask why not just pay for the bane mask it's why do you need uncle sam's help you're well compensated and you should take pride in spending your own money on something as precious as a bane mask you shouldn't need to invoke some weird codicil yeah that you think you found to the irs code to do it why not just be a real man and when you buy a bane mask own it you know in the true tradition of being a a man like a real man when you go to buy you know your whatever it's a bumblebee head or when you when you go to buy um you know oh it's It's, you know, the vision from Marvel Comics.

1:11:50I want to buy his panties. Why can't you just be a real man and say, this is what I want to feel good about me and buy it yourself? He's an android. He doesn't wear panties. I think so. Oh, boy. Just summarize. Android's wear panties. Go ahead. In terms of what the. So these are sort of personal lifestyle expenses, which are not deductible. I think. Yeah. And so that's. Okay. I'm putting it into. Unless. Unless. unless, and this is, Blay, you'd have to accept this. Okay. But if you could prove that this was an illness of his, a deficiency. Sure. If you could prove that this was some kind of a handicap.

1:12:29Sure. Something he can't help because something stunted, something never developed. Like a medical expense kind of thing. Neurological. Yeah, okay. But he never grew into a real adult. And he's trapped in this cycle of just more toys and more ephemera. and more bullshit and he just won't break free of that and won't go out into the world and really realize himself as an adult. He can't. Then this could be possibly his version of a wheelchair or crutches. Absolutely. Or a special seat that helps him sit on the toilet because he can't make a poopy without it. Does Conan get a tax credit for employing?

1:13:09Yes. Yes. Okay, I think we cracked it here and I think we've been in the red for a while now which means we've gone way too long. we'll probably have to lose some of your talking, where you defend yourself. I do think the real criminal here is Blaise's mom. I think that she's, I think Mary Blair needs to go to prison. I think she is an absolute criminal. I agree too. And look, we wonder why he's infantilized and she's sending his taxes to TurboTax. When's she going to diaper you next? She insists on doing it. She wants to make sure that my bottom is talcum properly. So, yeah. If I could write him off.

1:13:50Let's launch. If I could write off the diapers. Investigation. Can I write off the diapers? Investigation into Mary Blair. Well, I'm going to end this right now. Blair, I find you guilty and no corporate coward. Agree with that. Thank you. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

1:14:22Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts And you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

1:15:13This episode of Colonel Brian Needs a Friend is brought to you by six all new McCafe drinks at McDonald's. You're a McDonald's lover, Sona. I know that. Love my Mickey D's, boo. Many times you'd buy, you and I would be in the car together and you would say, let's hit McDonald's. I'm talking six new all McCafe drinks. Did you know that? Six. Crafted sodas made with your favorite sodas and topped with velvety cold foam like a Sprite Berry Blast made with Sprite and blue raspberry syrup. Don't miss the dirty Dr. Pepper and Orange Dream 2. And there are refreshers made with fruit flavors and add-ins like popping boba and freeze-dried dragon fruit.

1:15:52Try the Blackberry Passion Fruit Refresher, Mango Pineapple Refresher, or the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher with freeze-dried strawberries. Man, McDonald's is off the charts. Yeah, baby. There you go. Try the all-new McCafe drinks now at McDonald's, or at McDonald's, it make a taste.

1:16:16When you're on a GLP-1, you often experience a smaller appetite. That means for GLP-1 users, every bite of food should be as nutritious and delicious as possible, and that's where Sprouts Farmer's Market comes in. I knew they'd come in somewhere, and I guess now's where they come in. From nutrient-dense foods to proteins to supplements that help sustain muscle mass and energy levels, Sprouts has you covered. And with in-store wellness experts available, guidance is always within reach for any GLP-1 journey or broader health goals. Visit Sprouts.com to find a Sprouts market near you.