I’m a Very Normal Person with Very Normal Hobbies

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi. Hi, Mara. Welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. Hi. Hi, Mara. How are you? Nice to meet you all. Nice to meet you too, Mara. Where are you? Where are you in the world? I'm from Vienna, Austria. Are you in Vienna right now? I am in Vienna right now, yes. I have never been to Vienna. I love Vienna. I think, was Vienna where they shot the movie Mozart? Which one? There are several. Amadeus? I think they shot the third man. Oh, the third man in Vienna. That's right. I don't know. Vienna is one of those cities that I've always wanted to visit because it's just magical.

0:53I've heard. It's beautiful. It's genuinely one of my favorite cities. So, Mara, you live in Vienna, Austria, which I think sounds lovely. I'm sensing a lot of pink. Oh, no, it's awful. Just the worst color ever. there's uh it looks like you're on a scene from barbie but there's uh i'm sensing that do you like pink is pink maybe your favorite color that's the sense i'm getting just in this scene i'm seeing it is it is yeah it's it's kind of a bleak story um i dated my ex-boyfriend for too long and i toned myself down for him and after he kicked me out with five days to get lost basically i decided okay, I'm going to stop that.

1:42I'm going to love myself so much more and just be the brightest version of myself. And then I also came out as gay. Okay. Well, first of all... Double whammy. But are you happier now? I am so happy. Good. That's all that's important. I mean, that's the important thing. And also, in a way, it's a very... It's a powerful story because you found yourself, and I like that you're just doubling down on what gives you joy. Color pink, I'm going for it. You know, good for you. Yeah. I would just like to mention that we have the same hairstyle. Yes, I was going to say. Your hair looks, maybe I should dye my hair pink.

2:27Go pink? I should go pink. What do you think? Do it. Mara, what do you think? It's such a great color. It's such a great color. It's so complimentary. Though you have a lot of pink undertones, so maybe not. I have pink undertones. Are you saying that my skin... What are you saying? She started off so like, you gotta do it. And she's like, oh wait, never mind. You're already too pink, is she saying. Do you realize I have advanced liver failure? I mean, me too, maybe. Okay, good. Oh, wow. Hey, as long as we're all laughing about how our bodies are shutting down. Well, tell me a little bit about yourself.

3:09What do you do, Mara? Tell us a little bit. What's your full name, Mara? Oh, gosh. My full name is Mara Emilia Langenberger. Oh, my goodness. That is a long name. That is a very long name. Mara Emilia Langenberger. Langenberger. That sounds like a really cool beer. Yeah, Langenberger. I want another Langenberger. Sorry. I'm just going to market that if you don't mind, without your permission. What are your hobbies? What do you like to do? Well, I'm a very normal person with very normal hobbies. You know, Mara, whenever people say that, it means that we're in for a world of weirdness. Murderer.

3:55Yeah. So tell me, what is... Let's hear it. Let's hear it, Mara. so so maybe there's several taxidermy hamsters in my apartment right now so you you like taxidermied uh do you like all animals taxidermied or just hamsters no i like all taxidermied animals okay i just happen to have a couple of hamsters okay so um how do you acquire these animals to taxidermy them and here's where we reveal that You're possibly a dangerous person. I strangle. Actually, I send my cats out. No, no, what do you really do? To murder hamsters and get them to hexadermy. Hamster murderer. I'm going to say, Mara, just by talking to you, you seem like a gentle soul.

4:49And I believe that you probably do not harm any animals. Is that true? No, they are all ethical hexadermy. That means the animals died of natural causes or they are just vintage and extremely old. Okay, so by vintage, you don't mean alive because I'm old, I'm vintage, but still here. You mean that you find animals that have suffered a massive heart attack. Yes. They've passed on already and then you taxidermy them. I don't taxidermy them myself. I work with an artist who is extremely talented and how many of these she does the taxidermy I like that though I like ethically taxidermied animals animals that have already passed on I eat meat but I will only eat steak where the cow passed away it was pet to death yeah old age sometimes if the cow was in a car accident and passed on then I'll eat the cow Old, diseased cows.

5:55That's what you like. That's my way, and I'm ethical. What about cows that have died from mad cow disease? Now you're getting crazy. Okay. But if they had mad cow disease and were stupid enough to get on a motorcycle and then got killed out, eat them. Mara, we went on a little bit of a stupid, yeah, and I apologize. And you're better than that, and I'm not. Okay, so you like taxidermying animals. Yes. And how many of these taxidermy animals do you have? I own a cat skull. It's not taxidermy. It's just a skull. Back there is Miss Daisy. It's a little duckling and two hamsters. Okay, so that's the full complement.

6:39That's everything you have? No, there's currently a third hamster on the way. On the way, you mean you're just waiting for him to die? He's in hospice. He's in hospice. You check in every now and then. How you doing there, Mr. He's been in a coma for a very long time. How you doing there, Mr. Pins? We're waiting to pull the plug, and then we can Actually, today I'm feeling a little better. Really? No, you don't. Oh, my God. She just pushed the hamster off on her. No, no, no. She put the pillow. There's a pillow. Did you ever walk into the hamster with a tiny little hamster-sized pillow? With a tiny hamster pillow.

7:20Sleep well, Mr. Pibbs.

7:25What else do you do? With a tiny hamster pillow. Tell us a little more about yourself. Besides taxidermying, tell me other interesting things about you. Things that you do with your time. I'm a textile designer. I design fabrics. Very good. Yeah, the dress that I made is from a fabric that I made. and I made the dress as well. Wow. You're very talented. Yeah. All of this back here is from me. Very good. That's very impressive. That's very impressive.

8:08What else? What other things do you do? Oh, gosh. I build miniature, miniature, miniatures, tiny dioramas. and currently I am working on a 70s themed living room that I have nicknamed the Coke Room. You build tiny dioramas and you're building one that's a tribute to the 70s called the Coke Room and then do you ever put your little taxidermy animals in there like there's a little hamster who's Scarface and there's just a bunch of cocaine on a table and then maybe a little cat skull comes in wearing a white suit. I mean, I know you're choking, but that's the plan. Can we see it? Do you have any maid that you can lift up?

9:00Can you show us the day-round? Sure. You're making a miniature cocaine den and you're going to put your taxidermied hamsters in there. Oh, my God. Look at that! I have to take the dust cover off. You're going to have to hold it up a little more. So there is a hamster. Is that a hamster? It is a hamster, yes. And that doesn't... Oh, my God! There's electricity. Oh, my God! And is the hamster... What's the hamster doing? He's just sitting and reading a book. Oh, well, that was 70s Coke room. No, that's not the 70s Coke room. The 70s Coke room isn't done yet. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I thought that was the 70s Coke room.

9:49No, that was... And I thought, man, you have never done cocaine. Do you think it just involves sitting down and reading? No. Oh, there. Oh, there it is. Okay. You're very talented. The bones are done. You can't see it properly, but I designed the wallpaper for it. and I built good thing I don't put anything away and it's just all on my desk here it's a tiny teeny tiny bookshelf oh cute you are very creative there's a little chair tiny chair that I still have to put the upholstering on and is the textiles the way that you make money is that the only way that you make money is through the textiles?

10:38At the moment, yes. I mean, if you want to give me money, I accept it gladly. Sure. I mean, I'm always willing to mail anybody money who wants money. Sure. Really? Yeah. I mean, anyone here at the... It's a policy I have here at work that if anybody needs any money, I will just take care of you. Yeah. And I think she's fixing her light first. I'm sorry. The cat's got in the way. Oh, I thought the lights went out. Oh wait, that's a live cat. Run cat, run. Yeah, get out of there. Hey cat, get out of there. No. Oh, what a good cat. I know what lays ahead for that guy.

11:22So Mara, it sounds like this is a very good time in your life because you've found things that you really love. You've got your textile work. You love the color pink. You seem to wear that almost exclusively. you love taxidermying animals that have died in a peaceful way or violently but not at your hands you have a cat who it's just a matter of time I have two you have two cats do the cats ever check out the taxidermy and look at each other and go we need to split we need to get out of here well no because the big black one that you just saw is blind She literally can't see it coming.

12:11So you made sure to get a blind cat. So the blind cat has no clue. Yeah. And the boy cat is just, he's challenged. Yeah. Yeah. He's not particularly smart. No, if he's living with you, he's not. No, he's also selected that way. If he's living in Death Alley, then no. And I'm glad you got out of that bad relationship. Are you in a good relationship now? Yeah, me too. Yeah, I'm married. Oh, you are? Okay. I am married. This week is my two-year wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary. Thank you. My wife lives in Sacramento, so you are more likely to run into them than I am. Wait, your wife lives in Sacramento?

13:02yeah they do okay and uh what do they do there um living there they are american i see but you still get to spend time together we spend time together once a year we try to yeah okay you have a little advice for me mara yes of course um you should definitely come visit Vienna because it's a beautiful city and it's absolutely fantastic. The thing is, you have to be very careful when you're on the escalator because the right side of the escalator going down or up is reserved for people standing and the left side of the escalator is exclusively for people walking. And if you don't walk on the left side of the escalator but you stand still, it is very likely that an old grandma will come by and beat you up.

13:59So, all right, well, this is good to know. So on the right side, you can stand still of the escalator. On the left, you need to move up the stairs. You need to move. How fast do you need to move up the stairs to get out of the way of this insane grandmother? I mean, a little bit faster than the grandma. and grandmas are not that fast. Is it just one grandma that we're worried about? Yeah. A bunch of them. And if it is just one, can't we taxi-dermy her?

14:34I want to find this grandmother. If they have a walking stick, you have to really, really look out because they will use the walking stick. Is it acceptable in Vienna for somebody to strike someone else with a walking stick? it happened to me at least twice. Oh my God. Because you weren't moving fast enough or you weren't moving at all. I wasn't moving on the left side of the escalator. Are you sure you didn't just kill their hamsters and they're out to get you? What if Conan wants to fight a grandma? Can I say something? I have fought many a grandmother in my day. And I mean all around the world.

15:12I can't say my record is good. But I want to challenge grandmothers everywhere in all parts of the globe, bring it. Bring it, granny. Bring your stick, bring your crutch. Bring your hard cake that you let go stale. You can throw your teeth at me. I will take you down.

15:39Do you think I'd have a good time in Vienna? Oh, absolutely. I mean, escalators aside, I'd have a good time. Would I fit in? You think people would accept me in Vienna? You would stick out because you're so tall. But other than that, I think you would do fine in Austria. Yeah. We also hate every other people. So you fit right in, I think. Well, wait, that would include me, wouldn't it? They would hate me then. But then it's mutual. Okay. So, all right. Okay. I think I get it. Yeah. So the slogan in Austria is we hate you as much as you hate us. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. And watch out.

16:23Here comes granny. For sure. Well, Mara, it was really nice talking to you. And I'm glad that you have found the life that's making you happy. You know, I'm glad. You seem like a very nice person and a good soul. So I applaud you. Yeah, it's the facade I put on that people don't realize how fucking awful and hamster murderous I am. Well, we have you on tape confessing. So we're sending the hamster detectives right now. They have little pipes. You'll see. Nice talking to you, Mara. Take care. Nice talking to you too. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley.

17:10Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.