Interrupto!

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1:13Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hey, Mike. Welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. Hey, thanks so much. Hey, Mike. How are you? Where are you right now? Oh, my gosh. Hey, Conan. I'm in London, Ontario in Canada. Oh, wow. Okay. And are you in the wilderness right now? Are you in a pretty urban area? Yeah, I'm in the urban area today. Okay. Can I just pretend that you're way out on the tundra somewhere? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Can you occasionally make a sound with your mouth just so I feel like this is really authentic.

1:55What do you want, sorry? Forget it. That's the perfect response. Why don't you repeat what you asked him? No, I'm good. Oh, okay. And I just wanted to get you to say Canadian sorry, so I'm happy. Hey, Mike, it says that you are a conservation authority. Is that correct? Oh, yeah, I work for a local conservation authority. And in the past, you were a polar bear monitor. That's right. What does that mean? Essentially, I would go up to the Arctic and get dropped off by helicopter with anybody who needs a safe escort across the Arctic from polar bears. So I would kind of track the bears, find the bears, keep my eyes on them, and make sure.

2:41Sorry, I was supposed to do this reveal earlier. Oh, my God! Look, for those of you listening, She blew it. Mike just panned to, I mean, a Hogwarts owl. A beautiful owl is perched right next to you and apparently was just happily hooting. It's a perfect reveal. That was a perfect cinematic reveal. If you get a chance to see that, go on your computer and check it out. That's amazing. That was amazing. She's going to leave though. What is that bird's name? Well, Conan, I was hoping you could name her for me. She's fairly new to my team here. So I was wondering if you give her name for her. How about Interrupto?

3:26Interrupto? I love it. Interrupto the owl. She's also sitting on my router right now. So she might even interrupt us further. That's okay. That bird, Interrupto just wants to destroy, like not that guy. Just this podcast. Yeah, this podcast? Yeah, this podcast? Why isn't it Smartless? And he's like crushing the wire. Where's Will Arnett? He's Canadian. Hey Mike, so I just have to ask you. So your job was to be a basically a guide who would protect people from polar bears in the Arctic. And so I have so many questions right now. I've always heard polar bears are the most dangerous bear. They can kill you so quickly.

4:10Is that true? It's true, yeah. Like a black bear or a grizzly bear might not want anything to do with you, where a polar bear, if they smell you, see you, they're coming to get you. They're hungry, it's cold, and they want to eat. Right. They're not sitting around on their backs eating a bunch of blueberries that they found. There's nothing like that in the Arctic. So when they see a ham steak in boots walking by, they go for it. They go for that person. They want it. They want it bad. So what can you do to protect them in that situation? Yeah. So I care about conservation so much. So I want to protect the bears just as much as I want to protect the humans because I am armed.

4:58I do use non-lethal rounds, but there are lethal rounds that need be. Never had to, never want to. So what are the non-lethal rounds made of? like a it's like a rubber slug so and so it hurts the the yeah if you hit a polar bear with it he'll say i want to leave now kind of i i did it uh once and the polar bear just kind of like squinted its eyes and walked away sort of like clint eastwood it looked annoyed and then walked away yeah yeah yeah and can i ask you what is the caliber of weapon if the rubber bullet isn't working that you would use on a polar bear because i would think it just has to be a you can't just be using a 22 no no it would be a 12 gauge jesus okay yeah but i'm glad but you never had to kill a bear no um i haven't i've had some guys think that maybe i should have um you know they might have pooped their pants a bit while they hid behind me but i wanted to give that bear every chance to get away uh and and luckily uh nobody got hurt and the bear i think once they pooped their pants the bear wanted to leave yeah yeah that's what saved their lives The bear doesn't want food.

6:04The bear was like, oh my God, there's poop all over my ham steak. Yeah, yuck.

6:14I'm giving this a terrible Yelp review.

6:20You also have worked a lot with birds, is that correct? That's right, yeah. Birds of prey. Birds of prey, and you would train the birds of prey? Yep. Train them right from the very beginning. and I would use them anywhere that has a problem with birds not of prey. So if there's a blueberry farm and all the songbirds are eating all the blueberries, they would hire me to bring my birds of prey. I would fly them around and it would scare all the other birds away. Okay, so tell me a little bit, what kind of birds of prey are we talking about? Yeah. Hawks? Jir falcons, sacred falcons, peregrine falcons, Harris hawks, bald eagles.

7:02all kinds of different birds. You can train a bald eagle? They all kind of have their own job. I had a bald eagle named Babe. I raised her from an egg, basically. Oh, you are so rugged. Take it easy, Sona. You okay? You're married, Sona. I know. What's up? Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Thanks, David. Good Lord. To be fair, I'm swooning too. So am I. Yeah. Wow. Wow, let's get it on. Time for some polar, hey, time for some polar porn. So anyway, moving on, I didn't think you could train a bald eagle. Yeah, it's possible. They are one of the trickier to train birds because they have a natural instinct to be a bit nasty.

7:53Oh, really? If they can steal prey from another bird, they will, you know, to save themselves the energy of catching their own. so you know they can be i love that that's the symbol of america oh i know our national symbol is the dickiest of the birds yeah yeah i'll steal that food before i get my own well yeah babe had a babe was her name uh she had a really good uh personality she didn't really have that nasty side uh except towards women um my girlfriend at the time they were near me when i had her but uh you could come up and shake my hand and she'd just be like no many birds have thought i was a woman trust me they're like uh no but so really a so sometimes a bird will or in this case a a bald eagle or in babe's case specifically babe would be cool with dudes but if a lady showed up would try to attack the lady or just she was super jealous yeah i wouldn't give I'd hold on to her pretty good, but yeah, she'd think about it.

8:59She'd let you know she wasn't happy. This must have gotten in the way of your dating life, I would think, that you had a bird that attacked women instantly. Yeah, well, it did, but that's all right.

9:15I know what you mean. I got polar bears to monitor. You get to live alone.

9:24Uh, wow. So you have all these different birds and then you would use them like, oh damn, there's some seagulls that are hanging around my house by the ocean and they're real drag and they're pooping all over the place. Yeah. I'm going to get one of these birds of prey to chase them out of here and it works? Yeah, I'll get rid of them right away for you. But, uh, we do something called car hawking, um, which is essentially the hawk will ride in the front seat of my car. Uh, we will do a drive by of your house. I'll do that on my window and the hawk will just fly out. She might grab a seagull. She might miss.

10:00But either way, every seagull in the area is going to disappear pretty fast. And how long do they stay away for? When do people think, okay, the coast is clear now. The guy who has a hawk in his car, what left? Yeah, it depends. The Domino's guy with the hawk left. Yeah. If it's a food source like a landfill, they will keep coming back daily to check and see if I'm still there. Yeah. and I would be I love that you would ride up with a hawk in your front seat riding shotgun and then you'd pull up to the address and go here we are 34 Crenshaw Road put the window down and wah wah that's so amazing and then the hawk scares them all and just comes right back into your car if they catch a bird they'll stay out there I did have a hawk train to come back right in the window and I drove a Dodge Dakota at the time And she went out the window and I was driving behind a Dodge Dakota and they had their windows down.

10:57I didn't know that. They didn't know me. And she flew straight into their window and the car hit the gravel. Everyone came running out of their cars. You know what I love? The Hawk being embarrassed. I'm just thinking of the Hawk going, oh God, I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm so sorry. No, it's just, I swear to God. It's the same. It's maroon. It's the same color. It's okay. It's okay. No, no. Oh God. Oh God. Did the hawk just cover its face when it got back to your car? With its two wings? Oh yeah, she walked back to me, yeah. Yeah. Just get me home. Just get me home. Just get me home. Oh my God, oh my God.

11:30The walk of shame. Yeah, the walk of shame for a hawk. Bird of prey, walk of shame. Oh my God. Wow, that's so amazing.

11:48Well, Father's Day is coming up. Hint, hint. June 21st. We're not your children. What? My children are not getting me anything, so it's up to you guys to get me Father's Day. They have never bought into Father's Day, but you guys are going to. You're my employees and you have to. Well, guess what? Luckily, Macy's is not getting me anything. has a wide range of options, the expertise to help you find the perfect gift. Macy's is the answer for Father's Day. David, as my sort of surrogate son, the son that I hired to buy me things, I hope that you're prepared for this Father's Day and I hope you've consulted Macy's.

12:31Oh, I sure I have done both of those things. First. Oh, there you go. You love a pun. We got you a shirt that says The Grillfather. I love that shirt because you know what? I love the Godfather movies and I love grilling and they've combined them with the grill father. And are you ready to combine it even more? Let's see the next gift. Ooh. A ninja indoor grill. That's just something that looks really good. It does. And then, you know, sometimes when you're grilling, you know, you might want to get rid of that, that scent, that smell. So we got you some Dior cologne. Oh, is that Sauvage? It's Sauvage.

13:01Oh my God. I love Sauvage. And I love that it does mask the scent of charred meat really well. Yeah. So happy Father's Day from us at Macy's. You know what? I want to say thank you. Those are cool gifts. I love it. Check out Macy's online gift guide for more ideas at macy's.com slash gift guide.

13:24Big news, Sona. Yeah? Did you know T-Mobile recently partnered with the National Park Foundation? No way. Yep. They're making it easier to stay connected so you're free to wander. Well, that's really cool. And I love a national park. I really do. I do too. Now, there's one thing you have to have if you're doing that. Good signal. It's a priority. Do you know what I mean? You got your maps, your music, this podcast. Yeah. So take America's best network plus their off-grid satellite coverage with you. Look, we're all a little spoiled, but we like to have access to all our stuff. And suddenly you don't have it because of a bad signal.

13:56That's when I throw my phone into the Grand Canyon. Oh, okay. Literally filled half the Grand Canyon with phones. Then I got T-Mobile and never had to chuck them again. You know? Good. So wander over to T-Mobile.com and switch. Best based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data for 2H 2025. Wow, that's some sentence. T-satellite with capable device in most outdoor areas in US where you see the sky. That's important. You got to see the sky. Service may be limited or unavailable. Included with experience beyond or$10 per month. Auto renews. Cancel any time. That was probably meant to be said by a robot really quickly.

14:35but I just did it slowly so you could really understand. Disclaimer, please do not throw your phone into the Grand Canyon.

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16:28A bunch of fascinations here. I love the birds. I love, did you always, did you ever work with other bears other than polar bears, grizzlies? Because grizzlies fascinate me. Yeah, they are incredible. I didn't work directly with them, but I was a guide on horseback in the Rocky Mountains. Yeah. And I've had a few run-ins with grizzly bears, but nothing too crazy. Yeah. My God. But they're also quite incredible. Yeah, I mean. Take it easy, Shona. I'm sure Tack has been around He's just one thing after the other with this guy Hasn't Tack worked with some lethal animals? No No, there was a sickly hamster No, he's like cuddling with our poodle at home That's what I have Okay, take it easy I'm a big Tack fan You can have him I'll move to Canada Yeah And be attacked immediately by one of his birds No, I won't allow it.

17:29I'll cut a bitch. I'll cut a bitch. I'll die immediately. I forgot. I'm not a very outdoorsy person. Take it easy, Interrupto.

17:44Wow. No, I'm fascinated by grizzlies, and it's this crazy fascination where I find it terrifying, the idea of being mauled and eaten by a grizzly, But I'm also, I just find them so fascinating that part of me wants to have a grizzly encounter just as much as I don't want to have a grizzly encounter. Does that make sense to you? I totally get it. I totally get it. I try to tell my mom and family things because it's a bit of a dangerous job, so they worry about me. but um it's not to be morbid but like i don't want to you know die of old age working in an office my whole life if if i had a you know a bear encounter and that's what happened like i don't want it it would be awful but like you know yeah that's like that is a closed casket funeral i'm telling you right now if yeah yeah or if there's i don't even know what's left at that at that point, you know?

18:39They have to follow the bear for three weeks. Keep tricking it to use a toilet. And then put your wool cap on whatever's left. I'm sorry, but that's exactly what would happen. Oh my God. Still sound romantic to you, dude. Just leave me out there, it's okay. Oh my God. Okay, leave you out there, got it, okay. I think this is very cool. Now, be honest with me, Mike. if you've been listening to me at all or familiar with my work and know me as a person, what you see is pretty much what you get. How would I do in these situations, you think? If you were with me, whether it's in the Arctic and we're approaching a polar bear or in a grizzly encounter, I want to know.

19:27I want to know. I'm constantly wondering how I would measure up. I think you know. I don't know. No, I don't. Go ahead. Let's see. How big can you get? How big can I get? I'm 6 '4 without doing anything. And when frightened, my hair gets much taller. So I could be 6 '6 maybe. Okay, so that's bigger than me. I'm bald. So I'm 6 '4, but I'm bald. So you might, standing behind me, we'd look even bigger. So you know what? We might survive together out there. Would you think that I'd be the kind of person to panic and run, or do you think I'd be calm? I want to believe you'd be calm. Why do you want to believe that?

20:05Why can't you just believe that? Well, you might try and like use comedy to get out of it. Oh yeah. Hey, here's my question. Do Grizzlies like bits? Do they like sort of cartoony physical shtick? Little bits. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So I'm just thinking, yeah, that's the problem. The biggest problem is I might see a comedy opportunity and start pretending to be another bear who's kind of a wise guy. And I could see that really irritating. not just a human, but any member of the animal kingdom. If the bear wasn't going to kill you after your bits, it would want to kill you. You would be doing yourself a disservice.

20:46The bear might befriend me, and then I would start to show the bear stuff from the podcast and old Conan episodes, at which point the bear would reduce me to a pile of ground chuck instantly. You're still going to be doing bits during the attack? Yeah, even during the past. I'd be like, oh no, I'm being murdered by a bear. Mald, maald, I tell you. Mald. Look at me. I have one leg. Look at me. Uh-oh. Hoppy, hoppy, hop. Got one leg and a hoppy, hoppy, hop. Yeah, Mike, I'm going to cancel this idea right now. Okay. If you change your mind, though, we can go over there. I'll make sure we have a good time.

21:26We'd have a good time. I like this guy. I do too, yeah. I think you and I would do well hanging out. I think we'd be good buddies. and I think I would try to I think I could I think I would be a little you know the way I you've seen this Sona and David I kind of become the person I'm with if I'm with them for a while I'm very zealot that way I think I would become more like Mike and I would I would I might calm down I really like being out in nature I chill out a bit there's way too much stimulation around me all the time And this might calm me down and maybe battling a bear of some kind would, you know, make me realize what it's all really about.

22:10Yeah. Battle a bear? Yeah. Like you think you have a chance? I have a very good chance. Okay. Maybe Mike is there. Only if Mike is there. That's true. Yeah. I will be in the car. The car will be locked. I'll be in there with your hawk. With the hawk. There's no cars out in the Arctic. Yeah. They're dropped off. Oh, we get dropped off? Okay. Yeah, so there's no, obviously no Wi-Fi, no reception. You're in the middle of nowhere. I love it. And that's, it can get quite boring. I'd go out for 30 to 60 days at a time. So I basically downloaded a gajillion hours of your podcast and Trailer Park Boys.

22:49That's a big compliment. Thank you. Look at that. That is very cool. That's really cool. Well, I've been, yeah, I've been watching you forever, Conan. um and i just have so much respect for you and your team you're bringing comedy and kindness um and we just need so much more of that and you're bringing it away it just reaches everyone that's so nice of you me getting to tell you this is changing my life oh wow like i just i want you to know how uh how incredible um you're changing people's lives whether you know it or not it's such a good way. Well, all I know is we keep our head down and we do this stuff and we do it because I can't not do it.

23:31Does that make sense? I'm not trying to do a public service. I do this because it just has to happen. You guys have been around me when I haven't been able to do this for 10 minutes and it's not pretty. But Mike, getting to talk to you is a real it's a real pleasure. You seem like a great person. And what you're doing is really cool. And I love that you have found this life for yourself. I say this all the time when we talk to fans, people that have found what they love and what they're passionate about, and then they manage to will that to be their career, their life. I think that is the best way to go through our time here.