It’s A Small World In Here

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1:01Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Anirud. Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Hello, Anirud. How are you? Hello. Hey. Hi, Conan. Hi, Sona. Hi, Matt. Hi. Oh, my God. Okay. Where are you right now, Anirud? I'm in my bedroom in Bangalore in India. Very nice. Very nice. uh yeah uh oh i'm sorry can i just say it's so cool to see you guys um i have been watching Conan video since i was like i don't know like 15 or something and um i love Sona i love Matt i've seen every remote sketch and it's so cool to be here well Anirudh thank you very much for being a fan.

1:54And it's really nice to talk to you. It's also just really nice to know that someone in Bangalore is listening to us. And that's just, I always get a kick out of that. It makes me very happy. Yeah, well, yeah, of course. I mean, I have, I mean, me and my brother, we do like what we call Conan bits all the time. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Yeah. I feel like I gave the world shingles. Yeah, that's absolutely your fault. We'll tell your brother I said hi, and that makes me really happy. I've been doing Conan Bits since I was born, so it's a problem for me, too. I know. Well, Anirud, am I saying your name correctly?

2:40I want to make sure I get that right. Yeah, that's right. We practiced for an hour before we talked to you. Anirud, tell us about your situation. Do you live with family? What's going on? Oh, yeah. So I live in something called a joint family, which is where you kind of like live with like a bunch of nuclear families all together. It's pretty common in India, less so now, but basically I live with about 15 people. and we kind of are you know just cordoned off in three different apartments that are right next to each other I always like to say it's kind of like the TV show Friends or something because yeah that's how it feels like you just have like a bunch of people like living really really close together so it's pretty chaotic it can get quite disruptive I mean I know you grew up with like six brothers well I'm one of six I have brothers and sisters oh you're one of six Yeah.

3:37But there was a good deal of chaos and madness, but in a fun way, I thought it was really fun to have. And my whole life, I've liked it when there's a bunch of people around me. That feels normal to me because of the way I grew up. And we were all in one house and smashing into each other all the time. And it was fun until it wasn't. Yeah, of course. But Anirud, I'm curious. So you're talking about, there's 15 people. So you're talking about siblings, but also cousins, uncles, aunts, the whole? Yeah. Wow. That's right. The whole thing, the whole shebang. Yeah, it's like 15 people and it's a nightmare to organize stuff.

4:14But yeah, like you said, it's fun. It's super fun. When you say organize stuff, what kind of stuff? Like a sack race? Like a, you know, what are you trying to organize? Yeah, like a family festival thing. So, I mean, we live in India, so there's like a ton of festivals. And we have like, you know, we sort of celebrate everything, like Diwali, which is like the festival of lights, and Holi, which is the festival of colors. Right. And also, we just eat out once a week, every Sunday. Okay, that. I'm going to say this. going out to eat with my family, you know, parents, my grandmother, six kids. That was insane because you're all around one table.

4:57And especially if it was communal food, like if we go to a Chinese restaurant or an Indian restaurant, it was insane because someone was trying to decide what the whole table should get. And it always devolved into street fights, you know, and people stabbing each other. And now I'm picturing 15 of you going to a restaurant. The waiter would probably kill himself as he approached your table. I mean, how do you do it? oh okay so this is a whole process we we sort of like i'm responsible for selecting restaurants booking tables and sort of like um you know like cajoling wait stuff whenever i have to uh so that's kind of my job but basically it is chaos it always is um it's 15 people sort of just sitting around a giant table, but sometimes we even like reserve or book out like a room in a restaurant because that's the only way we can see to do it.

5:55And it is a lot of stabbing. It is a lot of like, oh, I ordered that thing, but this thing came over and okay, well, but that person ordered this and blah, blah, blah. And it's just, it's chaos. Like for sure. I have to cut to the chase on something. Who's the maniac? There's 15 of you. I know a name just popped into your head. You can see their face right now. So who's the one who's really out of control? He's thinking Conan. Besides me, who's the one in your pod of 15 people who's really out there? And this doesn't have to be in a negative way, but just they're the kind of the wild card. Oh, yeah.

6:26They're just they're the wild card. Yeah, I have I have like a couple of cousins who I think definitely fit that bill. Give me names. I want names. Are you going to be talking to them after? No, I didn't say I was going to do that. although that's now a possibility. Well, I have this one cousin. We call him Fatou, which is like a sweet nickname that we made up for him. It's called Fuck You? Fatou. Oh, Fatou. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's a sweet nickname called Fuck You. Hey, fuck you. That's just... I love you. I'm sorry. It's a satellite connection. These things aren't perfect, but... Yeah, clearly you have a lot of love for Fuck You.

7:10Fatou. I'm sorry. Yeah, and he's like just turning 18 and he's in that, you know, like teenage angsty phase. And so that leads to a lot of stuff like, I mean, he asks me about like how to like talk to girls and stuff like that, because he's never really done that before. And also at the dinner table, he kind of is the guy who always diverts the conversation to whatever he likes. I'm sure Conan, Sona and Matt would be familiar. We know a little something about that. We'll get to the Civil War in a second. I'm talking about that in the second half of this discussion. And Tidham, specifically. Yeah.

7:55So, okay, so Fatu is a bit of a, I mean, he's a troublemaker. But in a lovable way, he's a scamp. Oh, for sure. Yeah, he's a sweetheart. That's why we call him Fuck You. Now, what's your story? Are you single, married? What's happening? Oh, okay. I have a girlfriend. We met in college, thanks to you, in part. Really? Yeah, well, I was a little drunk on this particular day in college. It was like my second year in college. and we were friends at the time, me and my girlfriend Irene. And we decided to write an email to ask you if you would be interested in hiring us as interns. Oh, like a package deal?

8:45Yeah, totally. Like the both of us, you know, you could pay us half each of an unpaid internship and we'd be happy with it. Okay, so half of nothing. I get it, yeah. Half of nothing. So how long ago was this? Oh, this was about like six years ago. Okay. So you, both of you together wrote an email asking if you could be interns on my show. Well, kind of, because we kind of like went over to the show website and we were like, oh, you know, like international students can't really be interns or something like that. So I, I was a bit inebriated. So I wrote like an angry email that was, I have it with me, but basically it was just about the, it's titled Concerns About the Diversity of the Show in All Casts.

9:34Okay, okay. Fair, fair. Because, yeah. And it started with this line, hey, fa-tu! Pretty much. It started, I mean, I was just trying to be funny, but it just started with, hey, you. Yeah, you. And that's just how it's... I think it's always a fun joke when you email someone that you think their show reeks of racism. that's always a fun fun little jake so alright yeah I understand you can see the potential yes we can all do better I suppose although look it means the United Nations in here Jesus she pointed at me and Eduardo what a diverse she's like saying I love Armenians I have an Armenian friend yeah it's like it's a small world in here oh my god Wow.

10:27It really is. And so the Donovan is coming your way. Hey, you. Yeah, you. I got an email going out to Smartless to see if I can get on that show. Good luck to you. Right there. That's all the colors of the rainbow. Those three guys. It's the most diverse show I've ever seen. Different kinds of white male. No.

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12:53Ani Root. Ani. Ani Root. You can just call me Ani. That's cool. Okay, Ani. I'll call you Ani. All right, so you wrote a hostile, accusatory email to me, thinking that would be fun. And what was the response? I received like a, you know, like an automated response. Uh-huh. which just said, hey, your email will be read by somebody soon enough, and we'll get back to you. But, I mean, I think that someone who immediately is hostile and talks about concerns about diversity is just a great intern to have around. I think so. Well, first of all, you know, it's all fair, and I think it sounds like we, you know, you got to...

13:38But I think the bigger issue would have been you were writing this from India. Is that right? Yep, that's right. And so explain something to me. Your girlfriend, Irene, was she with you in India at the time when you wrote this email? Oh, yeah. We wrote this email together. And basically, that's what I consider our first date, which is writing an email. That's very nice. But what if I had written back me? I don't answer these myself. My brother does. But if you had heard that, yes, you had an internship, would you have flown all the way from India to take an unpaid internship? Now that you say it, it doesn't sound smart.

14:17But I do think I would have done that. Well, that's really nice. You met because and it sounds like Irene's a fan. Oh, yeah. I mean, we we sort of like bonded over like late night shows. We talked about you, of course, and we talked about Stephen Colbert. and that's kind of how we started to like get close and become friends. That's nice. Yeah, that's, yeah. Well, it sounds like you guys have excellent taste in comedy and that's the important thing. Yeah, you mean Colbert? Yeah. I did, actually. I did. I did. Okay, all right. I'm sorry. Well, the whole part started off with this, so your girlfriend's a fan of mine too?

15:01Well, yeah, because that's how they met. I know. I think that's a fair question. I feel like you were just trying to like reinforce the fact that she was your fan just to make sure. She's what? Like you were trying to reinforce the. He just wants to. Ah, gotcha. Don't do it. So angry. Well, anyway, so she's a big fan and always has been. Unirud, how often, where does Irene live now? Oh, well, she she's doing a graduate degree in the U.S. She's interning at Google right now. So she's all fancy. She's out there stealing jobs and learning about tech. So that must be difficult. That's a long-distance relationship.

15:43Yeah, that's right. We've had ways that we sort of adjust with that. For instance, I sort of started up a podcast of my own called The Irene Show, where every year on her birthday, I do one episode, basically, And it's kind of like just, you know, like soundboards of celebrities and you. I didn't mean for that to sound mean. But basically soundboards of celebrities. Celebrities and you. And also you. I don't know why I'm being mean. Yeah, no, trust me. You're just echoing the voice in my head. So that's really sweet. He seems like a very creative, sweet person. That's a really sweet gift. This sounds like a good relationship, and I don't want to put you on the spot, but is there a potential that this relationship could go to the next level at some point?

16:36Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I mean, her parents need to. That's a scary question. But her parents basically need to be okay with it. What's their problem? Why are they not okay with it? Just Indian stuff. Come on. No. You let me handle them. Yeah, so... Oh, okay. Bring this white guy in. He'll take care of it. Hi, I'm on Smartless. Hi, I'm on Smartless. I'm the most diverse member of Smartless. And I'd like to say that you need to give Anirud a break. Well, I think, have you met them? Yes, but, I mean, they didn't know we were dating. um basically i've met them a couple of times as a friend and her dad's like this really really strict guy he's kind of like um just super quiet assertive and manly and i'm not so we don't really get along very well but yeah well i think uh most dads i think just want their daughter to be with someone who's a really good person and that's you so i don't think i don't foresee an issue i just don't and if there is an issue i'll intervene okay okay and that will mean nothing to your dad to your father-in-law who sounds like uh you'd be quite hostile to me anyway

18:06please i you meet you don't like me but talk to this manly man conan o 'brien where is it what's going on do you want to hear that antietam yeah let's talk about the civil war it was a war of attrition you must be here for my wife's Book Club. It's Outback. Oh, did you say book club? Yeah, I did. Do you have any huckleberry tea? No, not another one. I'm making my sounds again. Well, listen, Unirude, you, or Unie as I call you, or of course in the yellow pages, rude comma Unie. I'm just losing my mind. We're wasting valuable time here. Is it really valuable? what are we doing after this don't we just play cards after this yeah i want to get to those yeah uh listen i'm i'm excited for you uh you sound i'm i'm lucky to have such a smart cool fan and um please give my best to irene and uh tell her that um i approve of you i think you're fantastic and that's really sweet tell uh um was it fatum fatu fatu is that right yeah fatu okay tell that's right tell fatu that he needs to settle down uh but this is a no i wanted to sow his wild oats now i want him to enjoy yeah being the madman of this uh 15 he's 18 yeah exactly got i mean hey man you were nuts all through your 20s yes i was into your 30s yeah Still nuts.

19:39Let him live. Yes, exactly. Mom? What did you say? Sorry. What? Anyway, lovely talking to you, Unirud, and have a great day. Okay? And I hope our paths cross someday. Thank you so much. Because I think we'd have a good time. Oh, yeah, I absolutely agree. I think it's just bound to happen in some way. I don't know why I said that. I'm not like spiritual or anything, but I think so. No, it's going to happen. it's like anything else you have to manifest it like oprah says yeah you've got to manifest it yeah and you know where i live and you've already sent me a threatening email so we've probably already had you investigated um yeah i'm on a list somewhere yeah yeah free say that proudly oh i'm on a list all right take care nice talking to you bye-bye nice speaking to you guys too see you.

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