James L. Brooks

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26:19You know, it's funny because huge turning point in your life, Mary Tyler Moore show, a show that you create and you did the pitch with Alan Burns. But did you, who'd you pitch it to? And was Mary Tyler Moore in the room when you pitched it? I had, I had done a show, um, room 222, which was, um, love that show. Uh, and Alan and I met on that show. And Grant Tinker, who was the vice president at Fox and was married to Mary Tyler Moore and was, every time you mention his name, was the best boss that ever happened. He saved our rear ends. I mean, he was amazing in his support of writers. Just crazy great.

27:03We all, I mean, we all loved him. He was a magic man. We pitched to CBS for the Mary Tyler Moore show and we pitched a bad idea. I mean, our first idea was a bad idea. And... My father, the car.

27:23So you pitch a bad idea.

27:32And it was an amazing pitch session because there were like a semicircle, like you do it for like a bad science fiction movie, a semicircle of chairs. with all these people in it. And the head of programming, this is a true story, the head of programming in the middle of it. And we, our first idea was that she'd be divorced and coming off a divorce. And the guy actually said, there are three things people don't like. Stories about divorce. I swear to God he said this because we had a Rhoda character in it, you know, Rhoda Morgenstern. Stories about divorce, Jews and mustaches. I'm not making, you couldn't make this up, right?

28:11Oh my God. He's looking at me, a Jew, with a mustache. As he says it. That really happened in time and space. That actually happened. Yes. The guy was looking at my face saying that. So Grant went in and we never knew it. He just said, wait for me. He came out. He looked a little angry. And he had just, you know, used the weight that he had to save our asses. Unbelievable. So you do this show. And it's interesting, in retrospect, people say Mary Tyler Moore's show was revolutionary. She's single. It's a show based about this woman. She has a career. She doesn't have - She has no steering wheel.

28:53She has no steering wheel. She has a wisecracking. There's no wisecracking kid. There's no, you know - She has a mustache. She has a mustache. She's secretly Jewish. Morenstein. But people talk about it now being revolutionary. And you never saw it that way while you were making it. You were just making a show, correct? And at a certain point, we knew that we were making the right show at the right time because it was just sort of what was happening to women in general then. So it was the timing, you know, the thing that you can't create yourself just was right. Right. And coincidentally, it was a time when the only time in the history of television when a new president of television came over and the first thing he did was cancel a bunch of top 20 shows because they were all those bucolic, petticoat junction, you know, and he canceled them when they were enormously successful shows.

29:47It's never happened before. No, it wouldn't. You can imagine today, I think, at the time CBS had maybe nine of the top, you know, 20 shows. They were just killing it with Westerns. And the president of the company said, I've always heard this rumor that it was Wife who was embarrassed by this bucolic comedy and thought that it was lame. I don't know if that's true. But he came in and he said, let's get rid of all of these. Which, can you imagine? Enormously successful, highest rated shows. Yeah. Yeah. And got rid of all of them and put a complete new stamp on what CBS was all about. But I've always been...

30:25And a half year earlier, one of the first shows to come out of that was All in the Family as he built a new CBS. And then at the last minute, we were in a death time period with the Mary Tyler Moore show, and he changed us and put us behind All in the Family. Or else I don't think it would have happened. Right. I think we would have been lost. I think you said no one... And again, you'll tell me, I never said that. anyone who sets out to make a revolutionary TV show isn't going to. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think with Room 222, because it was, I think, the second show to have a Black lead, the first show to have two main Black characters, you know, so that was, you know, that felt good.

31:07You knew you were doing it. You knew it was happening. And, but this, you know, certainly didn't see a comic. I remember Room 222 seeing that and noticing the difference that these did seem as, you know, usually when high school students were served up to us, um, it was, you know, guys in letterman sweaters and it was, it felt very much like Ozzie Nelson, Ricky Nelson kind of stuff. And this felt like people I knew. I wasn't in high school. I think it's 1969. So I was about six years old when that show came out, but I remembered thinking, these feel like people I see in my life and they feel authentic.

31:51I didn't even probably, I didn't know the word authentic, but it felt real to me. The director producer of the show, Gene Reynolds, who was, you know, when we were working for him and he kept on sending, he kept on sending me back to the high school, kept on sending me back. I finished research. I'd go to him. I said, yeah, I got it. No, you don't go back. And I sat in classes for a while and there was a teacher showed up, you know, and I was hanging at this high school at his insistence and, you know. Do that now and you're in trouble. I'm working on a TV show. I don't think you are, sir. Come with us.

32:28I thought it was raining. That's why I'm wearing this coat.

32:35Why do you have all that candy? Now that's a different story. I have low blood sugar. I think a huge, you know, it's interesting too. This was an era when I feel like there was real leadership in television, real, you know, people like Grant Tinker, who had taste and would go out on a limb and they weren't just trying to follow the latest trend. When I was in college and working on the humor magazine, The Lampoon, I was there all the time. I practically lived in that building because I was obsessed with comedy. And one night there was a knock at the door and I opened the door and there in a double-breasted suit is Grant Tinker.

33:17And he was standing with Brandon Tartikoff. Wow. And they were doing some event at Harvard and they saw this building and they knew, oh, you know, some funny writers are coming out of that place and they just wanted to see it. So they knocked on the door and I opened the door and they asked for a tour. I was 19, I think. And I just led them around the building and showed them everything and answered all their questions and worked up the nerve to make a couple of quips along the way. And then, uh, as they walked out the door, you know, I remembered Brandon, uh, Grant Tinker looked like someone out of guys and dolls.

33:48He had like a pinstripe suit, you know, but I led them around and then I, you know, took them to the front door and I remembered Brandon Tartikoff just saying like, well, Conan, you're a funny guy. I think I lived off that for a decade. Did you ever tell them that after you had arrived in television? I don't think so. I I mean, I did a pilot with Robert Smiley. When I did a pilot with Brennan Tartikoff, I don't know that I took the chance in our one or two meetings with him. He was a terrific guy. Amazing. And these were people with real talent and taste and sensibility. And I think that's in short supply these days.

34:24So many people are running scared in not just television, but film. People are running for cover that it's, I don't know if we'll see their like again. people that have data what's that it was data it was all you know that these are this is before data yes yes yeah i mean they had their thing but it was very rudimentary no now we have actual computers that tell us we don't like jews mustaches or divorce turns out they were right um i don't know why we fought it so hard um uh i'm very curious about mary tyler moore because she She played a big part in my life because when I first got my late night show, for reasons I still don't understand, and I was under fire for this kid doesn't have it.

35:09Who is he? He seems awkward. Mary Tyler Moore was my second guest. She was the first guest on the second show and then came back routinely and was an incredible talk show guest. And of course, I couldn't believe that I was sitting here talking to someone who was coming through my television, Dick Van Dyke show on a black and white TV in my kitchen in Brookline, Mass. And I'm eating bologna strips my mother put in a bowl and I'm watching this person. Yeah, I was being punished. I was on war rations. But that was a big meal back then. But I mean, it was a big, it was a, it was a big, I had this feeling of she is making eye contact with me and using my first name and it still seems unreal to me.

35:54What was working with her like on that show? I'm trying to phrase this so that I can really, there was an extraordinary thing she did, the great star of the show. And she, she used all the power she had not to have the power and to be, and to make it a company and to make everybody, you know, feel like that. An ensemble. Yeah. Yeah. So it was never like, you know, we had to worry what would Mary think. I mean, you know, we'd have a run through, we'd try and fix whatever, you know, needed fixing. And she never came to the office. We were on, and at seven years we got, I remember the best thing I did in my life is they were saying, let's go out while we're ahead.

36:35Let's call it a go. Let's call it a go at six. And I said seven. So that was the, that was the. I just bought a boat. That's the best word. That's the great motivator. Buy a boat and you'll do three more seasons.

36:52Also, I never believe get out while you're ahead. No. If I buy a boat, it's going to be called the SS, ride it to the bottom. But so you wanted seven, and I know she did have a note, or I believe she had a note on the final episode. Yes. One of the few times that she - It's never. The first time, the only time, seven years, never did it. Never came to our office to say something. It was nuts. It was nuts. The nation stopped for our final show. It was like crazy. You can't, you know, it was crazy, the extent of it. Do you remember the share or the number that it got? Because that's an era that has passed.

37:32You know, the Super Bowl wouldn't get the share or the number. The number is 52%, I think.

37:44I always heard it was 51. He was 52. Forgetting Iowa. Okay, okay. Incredible. And so, but she had a note on the last episode, which was? That everybody had said their farewell, and we hadn't done it for her. Oh, wow. And I can't imagine, I can't explain it, but then we did it, And it's one of the best moments I've ever been part of. Is it the shuffling out together? Oh, that was on the set. That was great. We were running it, and they could get into a group hug. They're all saying goodbye, and it's over. They're in a group hug. They're all hugging each other. Six, I think, six people hugging each other.

38:26And they're crying. And they said there was something where who had Kleenex in the hug. And in dress, we said, no, no, the Kleenex is on the table. So the group hugging each other has to shuffle over to the table. Oh, it's such a, I mean, I remember. It was the way to go out. It was just, it was just the way to go out. And there was a famous episode where the lights, Mary's going to have a party. Her party's always go badly. She says that Johnny Carson's coming to the party. Of course, Johnny Carson's the biggest star in television. We are excited that he's going to show up. And all we knew is that he was, he was, he would do the show.

39:01And then we made that show because we heard that he'd do it. Yeah. So he made the show because Johnny Carson said he'd do it, which was an impossibility. He didn't do things. It's not like today where everybody's everywhere. It just was, you couldn't believe that the most famous man in America is going to, who doesn't do anything other than The Tonight Show is going to show up and the lights go out. Mary's apartment loses its lights. And then Johnny Carson enters in the dark and you hear him. And it was - You never saw him, I believe. You never saw him. That was the whole thing, yes. And it was, you got Johnny Carson and had the balls to say - Yeah, it was great.

39:33You're never going to, and you heard him and you couldn't believe that this show would get Johnny Carson and then not show him and just could hear his voice. And it was just magical. I think about, you have this run in television and then you say, okay, I'm going to do movies. And that's the leap that I always think is fascinating. When someone says, I think I could do this. I could make a movie. I would of course I've never had that impulse I've never thought I could direct but clearly this is just something that was in you you knew this is something I could I can't I can't explain it I had no ambition to be a director I just simply didn't so your first feature film is Terms of Endearment yeah okay a movie you can go back to and back to and back to again and it's become more relevant because of the way we experience news now It is prophetic.

40:33You know, talking about emotion and drama being inserted into the news and people being, a newsman being relatable. You're talking about a broadcast news? I'm sorry about broadcast news. I'm sorry. Thank you so much. I was trying to think. I was just trying to think how to save him. I just want you to know there was nothing. I didn't recoil. Excuse me. I actually wanted to come to his aid. Let me explain something to you. That's the kind of guy I am. Let me explain something to you. Maybe you haven't watched it in a while. I'm doubling down. Terms of Endearment begins in a news... You've got to make this podcast less.

41:04I just bought a boat. Keep it going. Okay. I apologize. And you will fix this. I know you will. No, you have to leave it. No, but all... And if you say it. Listen, I'm going to make it very clear to you that I was right the first time. And I find that if I never apologize, and I'm seeing this play out in public life, in politics. Here we go. There we go. But yeah. the original Terms of Endearment was a version of broadcast news. And it's a really weird turn when everyone decides to abandon the newsroom. But did you feel comfortable the minute you were directing? Did you, did it feel to you like this was, oh, I, this is, this is, I feel like a duck in water, you know?

41:52I, I was, I was working with, you know, with Jack Nicholson, the actor, the, the guy, the star. He made it great because he'd come up to me, you know, sort of like, he said, you want to know the worst direction you came today? And then he said, you want to know the best direction? So he was tutoring you a little bit. He was being great to me. He was just sort of three-quarter kidding, but just in my corner. And that made it work. I would imagine you'd be intimidated a little by him. He was, you know, just, he still is a massive star. no he was great I mean great actor I mean you know there was a scene I think I was in that movie there was a scene I came to him and he said this actually happened I said too angry it's just too angry and then I said again you know it was just too angry and then he did the scene and sort of blew up that I kept on doing this you know just he was just blowing up not performance and I said that's it and that was you know and then we both I mean He broke up and I broke up and, you know, but it was it.

43:01It was just, it seemed too angry until suddenly it was like nobody had ever done it just like that. I'd always heard, is it true that Burt Reynolds turned down that role and did Stroker Ace instead? No, he did a picture. He did a different picture. He did a picture with like 12 women in it and him or something like that. That's the movie we all want to make. Yeah. And he was the number one box office star in America. But he did turn it down? And he had said he'd do it, and then he turned it down for this movie. And I had the number one star doing my movie, and then I got a phone call from his press agent.

43:41Bert decided not to do the movie, but he wants you to know he loves you. And he sent a little jacket, a little, that the jacket, I just looked at it and it was medium and I'm a large.

43:57Oh man. Oh, Bert.

44:05Yeah. It was just a jacket he was wearing that day. Yeah. It was just whatever he was. It had Bert written in it in ink. Just said gun smoke on it. Absolutely incredible. I mean, I intend to embarrass you with this, but you've got three Oscars, 22 Emmys, a Golden Globe. You need to immediately be in a Broadway show because we need to get you a Tony. And I think you're set, right? A Grammy? A Grammy. Damn it, you need a Grammy. Well, Golden Globes could be the G in there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you got to get the EGOT. There are very few that can claim that. I'm sorry. I think these are good ideas I'm pitching you.

44:44Oh, you used to like my ideas. Now suddenly. Check please. Sir, please. We try again with a different pasta.

45:00You took a hiatus from directing for how many years? I don't know, man. Hey, are you high? I don't know, man. I don't know, man. Leave me alone. You got nothing better to talk about. oh you took out your it's this is the first movie ella mckay your new movie is the first one you've directed in 15 years i believe yeah and did it feel when you got on set like you're just right back where you started there was i i was producing other other films and and and i was and i'm on set all the time when i do that and i was working i just you know i don't even i can't i have no explanation for it and um and then i went i was going nuts because i think you know i'm not myself unless i'm writing and and then um and and that's an element case you know happened that way yeah and um you have terrific cast you know i was very happy to see julie kavner in there oh man i mean she's i know she's been a long part of your history but it's it's i got to know her at the simpsons and she's just a force it's i god you are you i mean we look at the movie yeah you know i mean because you're going to feel great you're going to feel great seeing her she she takes oh no she starts the movie that's what i love she's the narrator and she starts by looking and i love the narrator saying i'm the narrator and this is what's happening i felt very taken care of by her you know oh great yeah yeah lovely yeah yeah and she's i mean that that voice was first burned into my brain on rhoda i believe is where i first heard it yeah when she was a kid that was her yeah that was yeah and um and it's just she just cuts through everything and i know oh i know her yeah she's gonna hold my hand and and and take me through this journey i show me the person who doesn't love her i mean it's just especially you know and that happens in the in the movie and and she's the one she's literally the narrator taking you through it did it feel to you when you were making it like, this is the experience I've had before, after taking a break for a while, did it feel like, yes, I'm putting on an old coat?

47:11This fits, this process works, you know? You know, when you're going to direct, you leave the world, you know, you leave the world, even more intense than when you're writing, I think, when God knows you leave the world a bit. And these days, to have an idea and to say, gee, that's sort of funny and sort of, you know, And to be able to get a movie made out of it, you've got to appreciate the shit out of it, you know, because it's not those kind of days. Specifically, I mean, how is it different? Just that there's so much. I mean, well, it's the thing about data, you know, that you know this will work because you run the numbers and stuff like that.

47:47And there are no numbers to run on. Hey, I got an idea. And, you know, so you're lucky. You know, it's great. You get to make it. you probably won't remember this, but you came on my show early, early days, I think 1994. I might've still been writing it. Yeah. And, um, I spent a long time on that script. Yeah. Uh, but you, uh, you came on my talk show, the late night show and you, um, we got into this conversation about how well you write for women, which, uh, is in full force in Ella McKay. And And you talked then, and I thought I'd revisit it now just briefly, which is that you were raised by women.

48:30And you think that had a profound effect on your ability to write for those characters. Yeah, the conversations of women were, you know, my whole upbringing. It was hard stuff going on. And I was a child, and I always heard my mother and her two sisters were enormously close. and I just, you know, I had an older sister who helped raise me because, you know, circumstances were, you know, just tough for a while. And I heard, and I did. I grew up hearing them talk. It's also interesting to me that in this movie, past trauma informs everything that's happening for the character of Ella. It's like the things that she's gone through with her father and the death of her mother, It's all informed and her family and even her husband, people are, she's not catching a break from a lot of people in her life.

49:27And it's interesting to me that it's not unlike your story where you had some traumatic experiences when you were younger. That's the same, but she's a remarkable kid. Yeah. She's a remarkable kid who, as a remarkable kid, has to handle things no kid should have to handle. and um and and and and and the thing that that held it up for a long time was finding out who could play the part uh because because you know the the thing that was in my mind was to cut was i always loved those katherine hepper and audrey hepper movies the 1950s movies that was i mean i was i was nuts about them and this is this was really you know me trying to copy them yeah yeah Yeah.

50:15Yeah. It was fascinating. Homage. I think homage is the better word. Yeah. Everything's an homage. Yes. No, it is. Writers Guild, it's an homage. In tribute, too. In tribute, too. But it's interesting because my experience with you on The Simpsons was you would always remind us, make sure you're writing for Lisa, make sure you're writing for Marge, because left to my own devices, I would only write about Mr. Burns. I mean, I only wanted, you know, because he had unlimited wealth and was in evil, that's a fantasy for me that I can, you can have a character who has a hyperbaric chamber, golden robots, you can release hounds.

50:59Anything can happen. And if I was just left alone in a room, every single episode I wrote would have been Mr. Burns goes to college. Mr. Burns gets his period, you know, which is one I wrote, projected because they said science doesn't back this. But anyway, that was your voice was often heard in the room saying we need to make sure that this family exists and that all of these characters are utilized and that they're real. even if amazing weird strange things are happening in a cartoon it has to have this inner integrity which i still think is bullshit i just wanted to get you here to tell you that yeah yeah i mean it's it's always funny it's always the object but but yeah but i think yeah yeah i think it it yeah i think that was always true about the show i think is true about the show.

51:57It's unbelievable that it's still going. I mean, to me, it's been, I left that show in 1993 and said, well, you know, I'm out of here and this thing's got another year to go. It's going to fold without me. Yeah. There's no way this continues without me, which I say whenever I leave a room. I say that at parties. I say that when I leave a restaurant, this Denny's will surely perish without my... Um, so I'm shocked when I see them still functioning, but, uh, I, um, yeah. And then I've had the experience of going back 30 years later and the, and they're, some of the same people are there. It's absolutely incredible.

52:38They're chained to the wall. They're skeletons. I mean, it's incredible, but, uh, it's one of the great success stories in TV history. Absolutely amazing. It's amazing to me. It's amazing to everybody on the, you know, it's, it's just, it is, it is, it's, it's, yeah. Yeah. I remember when, I remember that, and we went, we went on when the Fox network was, yes, was, was on, on life support. Yes. And then we got the cover of a magazine, um, sort of like antenna news or something like that. It was, it was, it was, it was, you never heard of the magazine, but we were on the cover and I put it on my office wall.

53:16and then all of a sudden that wall was covered with covers. Yeah. Yeah, it was like crazy. It was a phenomenon and it was the biggest thing. Michael Jackson, I mean talk about Johnny Carson doing Mary Tyler Moore as a guest star. You think, well, you can't top that but Michael Jackson in I think 1988 or 89 appearing as a guest star. And you had Carson too, right? Didn't Carson do it? Yeah, Carson was there. I was there the day Carson came in to do his voice because I think he's helping out Krusty at one point. And it was just after Johnny had retired and wasn't doing anything. And then he said he'd do The Simpsons.

54:02And it burned into my brain that day because he came in, coolest looking guy ever. He had a file of facts and two packs of cigarettes unopened. He sat down, he did his voices, he did his records. And then we, of course, had a million things we wanted him to sign. And so he sat there signing and started talking to us. And we were asking questions. I think he liked being around a room of writers. And he missed it. And he chatted with us. And then I went out. I had to do something. And when I came back, he was just walking to his white Corvette. Every year, I think he got a brand new white Corvette.

54:34And he got in it. And he had his cool sunglasses on. And he said, I don't do a Johnny Carson. But excuse me, how do I? And I say, you go down there. And you take a right. And he said, thank you. and he took off. That was a pretty good turn. Not bad. Thank you, you two. He took off and he took a right-hand turn and just as he took the right-hand turn, I remembered, it's a left. Oh, no. And I'm dying and I'm watching, watching, and here he's going is to a cul-de-sac that takes you pretty much to like Olympic Boulevard, but you can't access it because it's a lot. Oh, you suck. And I waited and then after about a minute and a half, the car came back the other way and so I know that Johnny Carson was thinking, fucking asshole.

55:14You should have said, I said left, moron.

55:20I said left! You white-haired fuck! Oh my God. Man, opportunities missed. I wish you had been there. But yeah, absolutely amazing. This has been a joy. Thank you so much for taking the time. Congrats on your new movie, Ella McKay. and just getting to any chance I ever have to connect with you is magical for me. Oh, thanks, man. You've made a huge difference in my life and I can't thank you enough. Mumble, mumble, yeah. Mumble, mumble, mumble. Mumble, mumble, mumble. Yeah, no, thank you, thank you. We're going to put in using AI, we're going to put you in the end saying, please, Conan, you're the most talented person I've ever met.

56:02And you're going to hear it later and there's going to be a lawsuit. And we're going to insert a lot of things. Conan, you look fantastic. But we'll keep this part in as well. Yes, yes. Keep this in exposing my terrible crime.

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58:14I'll admit I'm a little terrified because Aaron Blair, AKA Blay, says he has an idea for a segment. And, you know, I guess - We don't know what it is. We don't know what it is. Yeah. So here we go. Blay, I tremble, but you have the floor. So I don't normally do this, as you know. And I like to think of myself generally as a unifier, bringing people together. I don't want to be divisive. I don't want to tear us apart as a group. But, you know, sometimes... This preamble is going on forever. You know, sometimes a man comes to a time in life... Well, it's not a very... There's not a lot to... Not a lot to meet on this bone, so I'm trying to draw it up.

58:53Keep in mind, you threw Eduardo under the bus for watching. Okay. But also, I will say, shots were taken at me, so I feel like, you know, turnabout is fair play. I still don't know what you're talking about, and we're 40 minutes into this. I like this bill, guys. I'm going to get to it now. So Chalemi and I, after every podcast, we clean up. You know, we want to leave a good studio, a nice clean studio for the next people coming in. Sure. And the other day, I found this in Matt Gourley's chair. Oh, no. I used Kleenex. Oh, well, obviously I didn't know that was there. In the chair, which I cleaned up.

59:31And I just— It's disgusting. I have to say, that's disgusting. Matt came at me with my multiple drinks in a previous segment. I didn't come at you. I was just curious about it. And so I saw this and I was like, oh, I got him. I got him. I obviously would not have left that there if I knew. Yeah. I apologize. First of all, Matt is an extremely cleanly person. I am? Cleanly? What? That's not. I can't speak anymore. You could just say clean person. No, he is one who cleanly clings to. Matt is a man of cleanness. You are... I barely shower. No, that is... He's trying to help you. No, no, that is uncharacteristic of Matt, and I'm sure he just forgot it.

1:00:15I find it interesting that you think he came at you for your different drinks, because I thought it was just him saying, hey, what's that all about? But it's a deep wound for you. I didn't realize you were now a ringless golem in your cave. He clearly came at me. Just like the drinks back fired on you. I knew this was going to happen. It was hostile. I'm just saying. The way you went at him was a little hostile. I like to bring people together. You keep saying that, but I don't think you do. I think it's indicative of a bigger issue, which is we don't really clean up after ourselves that well.

1:00:48That is absolutely true. I do. I just miss that. You have a thousand drinking vessels and none of them get picked up afterwards. Okay. Let's look at the whole picture. when you guys say we've got to clear out of this room and make way for the next, you know, taping, I'm thinking to myself, this is my building. This is, the only reason this exists is for Conan O 'Brien needs a friend. This is my studio. And then it suddenly, it turned out to be this Airbnb that I get to hang out in for like 20 minutes. And then I better get my ass out of here and you better clean up. No! Not at all! That's insane!

1:01:32This is outrageous. This is my, I'm Hearst, and this is Hearst Castle. One, I've got three mugs here. Two are filled with coffee, because I drink a lot of coffee. I've also got a tea. And your water. I've also got these Kleenex, which by the way, I'm more than happy to throw it all over the place. La la la! Here! I gotta clean that up! La la la! Achoo! I hope you're happy. I'm a-hoo. I'm a-hee. There's just tissues everywhere. Listen to me. I didn't claw my way to the top of this business so that I could better get out of here quickly to make way for the other podcast that's coming in hanging with Joe Billabye.

1:02:14But first, I better clean up after myself. Let's see now. I've got all these little cups. Better take them in. Uh-oh, EB's coming. I better wash everything thoroughly. No, no, no. E.B. does run a tight ship. She does. She does. And you are a little scared of her. I am terrified of E.B. And I will say Erica Brown. And this is her place. She runs it. She's the queen. And when she even looks at me, if I'm using one of those metal straws, I know my only thought in my head is not to enjoy my Hailey Bieber smoothie since no longer named the Hailey Bieber smoothie, by the way. I don't know if there was some, yeah, I think she got into a fight with, I don't think, maybe her, the contract expired.

1:03:04Oh, wow. It's no longer called a Hailey Bieber smoothie. And - That means you could get in there. I want to get in there. It could be your smoothie. I want to get that smoothie. I think I probably have to add something. So I'll just say like, throw some, I don't know, put a Snickers bar in there. I'm calling it the Conan O 'Brien.

1:03:24put a little creme de menthe in there so yeah my point was where were we I'm saying you're talking a big game about making a mess but if Erica Brown walks in here you will clean up after yourself because you're scared a little bit as we all are Erica Brown out by the kitchen if I even see her I start scrubbing surfaces

1:03:48You were talking such a big game. No, no, that's true. But in here, oh no, I might risk the disapproval of Blake. Fuck that. Fuck that. I hired you when you were a fetish. I was the one that removed your umbilical cord. You still had it attached. This is crazy because normally I would be defending you. I'm your biggest defender. And now since you teed me up, I say you go, Bob. Yeah, you go. And so, no. If you have to do a little cleaning afterwards, Blay. I mean, I've kept you in your faux, goofy watches. That's right. You live in an apartment that's filled with little action figures and posters.

1:04:28Life-size predator statue. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. Well, one day. Yeah. Saving up for it. Saving up. Yeah. It was either that. Or a wife. Or much needed.

1:04:43Let's see, life or life-size predator statue? Anyway, Blay, I respect where you're coming from. It's just that you're completely wrong. I apologize to you and Shills. I'm very conscientious about that thing. It's not like I ever walked in on cash or peeing or anything like that. It was all in good fun. Again, it was all in jest. I really don't care. I just was seeing it as a good opportunity to get you back for the drinks. And I also got burned by Conan like you got burned with the drinks. So now we're even. Listen, listen. The important thing is that if people are hating each other and trying to get each other, we've recreated my childhood.

1:05:20And I'm very happy. I hate how you have like pulled the strings to make us all go at each other when we should be going after you. Why are we divided? We should be united. You're right. The devil's greatest trick is making you believe he doesn't exist. Well, anyway, Conan O 'Brien needs a friend The Hadley Friendly Show by a guy with no inner demons And just like that, he was gone All right, everybody, clean up after yourselves

1:05:56Conan O 'Brien needs a friend With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow Theme song by The White Stripes Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

1:06:16Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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