Jeff Goldblum Returns (Re-Release)

24:57then Jeff and I would be very similar. That's all I'm saying. You guys have very different vibes. No, I'm not talking about the vibes. I'm talking just about when he is a tall man and he knows how to dress. Right. And I love, so during commercial breaks, often, often when he was on the show, people always wonder, what do you talk about with people? I can always tell you what I'm talking about with Jeff in a commercial break. I go right to, oh my God, those shoes. And I have large feet and you have large feet and he'll say, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh my boy. Oh boy, oh, oh yes, yes. And then, so I remembered once you came out and you were wearing these wonderful glasses that you really carried off well.

25:36And I said, I must wear those glasses. And I asked you, and you acted as if you were telling me where the secret ring was that would unlock the universe. You went, oh, oh, oh, oh my boy. Oh yes, yes, Jacques, Jacques Marie, what is it? Le Mange? Jacques Marie Mange, yeah. Jacques Marie Mange. Oh, and he said, oh my boy, I'll call ahead, I'll call ahead. And then you described going downtown and there's a secret knock and a corridor and a passageway. And sure enough, they're the greatest glasses. Did you go? How'd you get them? Did you go to see? I went with Sona. Sona came with me. You went to Jerome, to that studio?

26:10Oh, yeah. Yes. I'm sure he greeted you and met you and showed you everything. Oh, he was wonderful. Everybody was wonderful. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, I have done this several times. You once, we were doing something together that was not my project and not your project. We were recording something together. I remember the day. I do. And you walked in and I always couldn't, I could never find jeans. I have a very unusual build, I'll say. And, um. Oh, come on. Anyway. What the sound? Sorry. What's your inseam? What's your leg? We have a long leg. You have a fine leg, I think. What's your inseam? I have a very long leg.

26:45We'll say it together. Ready? Here's our inseam. One, two, three. 36. I'm a 36. I'm a 36. Is it really? You said you were a 30. Well, I was afraid. I was afraid to go, I have a very, I have a long inseam and so I, so anyway, I see this gentleman come in and he's wearing these amazing jeans and I said, oh my God, Jeff, where'd you get those jeans? He went, oh, well, oh my boy. Oh my boy. He said, oh my boy. Oh my boy. He said it. Oh, good. Oh, and he went, oh, oh my boy, you simply must, oh. And then you said, and then you said, and then you said, I'll never forget, you said, the Schaefer Garment Hotel.

27:24That's right. What? And it's this place. Yeah. Oh, the Schaefer Garment Hotel. And I go there. And you said, just go, just go. So I go. And of course, it's the coolest people in the world. And they have like an old denim machine. What? It's like the John Wick Hotel, but for clothes? Yes. Yes, it is. It's the John Wick Hotel, except just for jeans. Oh my. And how about the hat maker in the back? Oh, there's a guy there wearing like Slash's hat. And he's like, I'll make you one of these. And I went, well, I don't know if I can carry that off. There's a dog that's in the store. Yeah, that's right.

27:52Do you know who I ran into there once? I was with Emily. We went there to pick up a pair of jeans or a hat or something. And it was just us and Bob Dylan. Oh, my God. Yes, because he got his hats from that guy. I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I kept, I had important business. I was talking about hats. And he came in. And before I could say anything to him, he left. But I think Emily, I don't know if she said anything. Wait, you didn't go up to him? No, no. I wish I had. Bob Dylan. I think I, I mean, I've told this before, but I met him once. I got pushed to the front of the, I went to see some concert of his and I was backstage and someone pushed me to the front of a line and there he was, the great Bob Dylan.

28:37It's my one chance to meet him. And all this conversation stopped and Bob Dylan looked at me and he went, I know you from the TV. It's true. It's true. The TV. He said, I know you from the TV. And just then, the other person backstage was Vice President Al Gore. And so all I hear is, I know you from the TV. And then I hear, Conan, Conan, it's me, Al Gore. And I'm like, what? What is this event? And I go, what? We're all there for a concert to see Bob Dylan perform. And he goes like, I love rock and roll. And suddenly he's talking to me and I see Bob Dylan scuttle away. I was cockblocked with Bob Dylan by Vice President Al Gore.

29:25That's a true story. If you had told me that that wasn't a true story, but that was a dream you had last night, it would be just as credible. Yeah, and then, trust me, I wanted to detach Gore's tongue from his body to get him to stop yapping at me. No, I'm sorry. All due respect to the former vice president and, of course, a leading figure in climate prevention change. Is there another nocturnal omission happening? Yeah. You know what? He does this to me. Jeff Goldblum does this to me. You're not wrong. He unmans me. Yeah. You're just bewitching, and this is joyous. Yes. Yeah.

30:04When I'm around you, uh-oh, look, I'm taking a sip. Isn't it really something? Everything he does is perfection. Yes. You just want to take a sip, and it's like there's a golden liquid in there, but I know it's just something. Okay. Looks like ginger ale or rum. I don't know. No, it's green tea that they made for me here. But I know how you despise ice drinks. Oh! Of course, I heard that whole... I've seen every... I've heard every episode. Every episode. I don't know if we should be excited or horrified that you're coming here. You know our deepest, darkest foibles. I know everything. Everything.

30:38I have to say... We're terrible people. Jeff, you know, we really are an awful lot. You can be better than us, Jeff. You know what? You can sip any day because everything you... Listen, listen. Listen, listen. Oh, my God. That is Jeff Goldblum sipping. Oh, my God. You're the best. You know, it's interesting to me. There is a sensuality that you exude about, see, even with the smallest gestures, a sensuality. And then I find, and I'm quite comfortable in my sexuality, but I find that when I'm around you, I'm open for anything. I really am. I am. I'm just saying that. I feel the same. And Matt is as well.

31:22We're just up for it. I'd like to offer myself as a sacrifice in some way. Wait, you mean like if Jeff invited you to like a weird sex party, you'd be like, oh. You know how uptight I am, right? Yes, that's why I'm surprised. But if Jeff Goldblum said, oh, come with me into this special sanctum and I want you to introduce me to my secret friends and it's going to be, but first you must apply this wax and oil. I would do it. I would do it because he's that. And it's going to be Diane Keaton, Ron Howard, and Robert Altman. And Bob Dylan and Al Gore. And Bob Dylan's going to see me and go, I know you from the TV.

31:56I'm going to know you in a whole different way. And then I'm just about to get it on with Bob Dylan when I get to hear, Conan, Conan.

32:08It's me, Vice President Al Gore. Very erotic. Yeah. Well, this little packet that we're in. Don't you love this? Is this the first day? This is the first day. Well, I love this blue, blue velvet purse that we're in. It's like a sex panic room. What? I don't know. Sex panic? With microphones. Have you ever been in a sex panic? It's a sex... Yeah, I have been in a sex panic myself. See, that's the problem. That's why I envy you. I'm dying. I don't think Jeff would ever be in a sex panic. Jeff Goldblum would never be in a sex panic. I am in a constant, even when there's nothing sexual happening, I'm in a sex panic.

32:49I'm constantly in my own head. Well, he's the antidote because he could be a sex bomb to your sex panic. This is not a sex whisper. Yes, sex whisper. Sex bomb, sex bomb. Who did that song? Sex bomb. It wasn't bomb, but it was bomb. Oh, yeah. Sex bomb. Was it V-52s? No, it was a big hit in Europe, particularly during these couple of years that I remember. Sex bomb, sex bomb. You only remember a couple of years? No, during these couple of... When it was a hit, he's looking it up. When it was a hit, I was in Europe making a movie, and it was on all the time, but I don't think it made its way across the pond.

33:22I don't think it did either. It sounds familiar. And there was a video. I'll give you a clue. That same singer... It's not unusual. Oh, Tom Jones? Oh, yeah. Tom Jones, exactly. What James Bond... Thunderball. Oh, yeah. You have a James Bond question. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. KKKKK. The only. And they're called Thunderball. And they strike strikes like Thunderball. Do you know that Johnny Cash did a rejected Thunderball theme song? I did not know that. I didn't know that. Well, he unsolicited, sent it to them, and they went, we never asked for this. It was not that song. It was his own song.

34:01You know, can I say something? And this is to be, because I know a lot about Johnny Cash. I revere him. He sent in a lot of unsolicited songs. He was constantly sending in like Prell shampoo, Alpo dog food. He was constantly sending in, I've got a different way you could go with that song. Purina Cat Chow, Chow Chow Chow. I can't even. Not true. I believed you for a second. Now I feel really dumb. I was like, oh, you're kidding. You know the best part of waking up is lifting in your cup. Johnny Cash first sent it in. He did it in that Johnny Cash way. Yeah, he first sang that song. Look sharp.

34:38feel sharp yes be sharp ring a burning fire ring a burning fire I'm stuck on band-aids cause band-aids stuck on me he did the Oscar Mayer song Duh Babaloni has a first name it's O-S-E-A-R Babaloni has a second name oh and you know what I mean no wasn't the Oscar Mayer you know what the sad last thing he did before he passed away was the Car for Kids jingle. Yeah. I don't know that jingle. Sing it. Is it 1-800-Cars-for-Kids? Something like that. Oh, that. Okay, yeah. No, but I think the Oscar Mayer thing was, I'd like to be an Oscar Mayer wiener. Oh, I'd like to be an Oscar Mayer wiener. I'd like to be an Oscar Mayer wiener.

35:24That's what I'd really like to be. I'd like to be an Oscar Mayer wiener. Now all the kids would be in love with me. Yes. I fell into a burning ring of fire. Yeah. Just so you know, to be fair, that most jingles that you love were written by Johnny Cash. That's true. Unsolicited. He would just send them in. I have to. But he did do the Thunderball. This is how we got started. Dropping mental breadcrumbs. He did send in the Thunder. He did. What do you say? And it sounds like a typical Johnny Cash song, except it has kind of like John Barry horns in it. It's really something. I love that. I love that Thunderball.

35:54I was right at the right age for that, because I had consumed Dr. No from Rush With Love. Goldfinger. I was so ready for Thunderball. Boy, that was great. Is he your favorite Bond of all time? I'm going to say for me, it's Sean Connery, but Daniel Craig is right there with him. And I thought no one could do that. I thought no one could. Sean Connery was so incredible. Fantastic. When he peaked, when he went to the summit of the Alps after Thunderball, I think nothing against Sean Connery, those movies, it started to. He was phoning it in a bit. Wither. Yeah. And by the time he got to Jill St. John and.

36:33Diamonds are forever. Diamonds are forever. you know, not my favorite. I've never been happier in my life right now. I know, this is right up your alley. I'll tell you, Matt Gorley is a Bond fanatic and a huge Jeff Goldblum fan. Now he's in a room, they've both come together, and he's having a nocturnal emission. Oh my God, there's so many emissions happening. A diurnal emission all day long here. This is really... Yeah. The what, the what? Diurnal? Diurnal? Oh, is that the daytime, the diurnal? I believe so. Di Diurnal Di Diurnal Diurnal Diurnal Diurnal I believe I know that song Johnny Cash first sent that in Okay listen You have Yes He submitted all my Bar Mitzvah songs Oh yeah You know what You know what makes perfect You know what makes perfect I fell into a burning ring It's becoming more Elvis It's becoming more Elvis Than Johnny Cash I never said I was the perfect Oh my god You know You are You are a terrific jazz musician And I'm bringing this up for a reason I think to understand Jeff Goldblum, which is impossible, but to really understand what makes this man tick, I think is your love of jazz.

37:42You are constantly improvising in the moment and tuned into that crazy galaxy that real jazz musicians are tuned into. And a good friend of mine just went and saw you perform the other night and said that you were fantastic. Really? That's very nice. That's very encouraging. Thank you. Yeah, we played the Disney concert hall. Yes. Oh, my God. Two, a couple of nights ago. But what I'm saying is, am I correct that there's something about music you're – I just feel like you're in tune with some jazz musical score all the time. Yeah, yeah. Do you think that's – and this is a compliment, by the way.

38:14Thank you so much. I like – well, I aspire to it. I'm a humble student of jazz and of the technology of presence in all its various ramifications in the podcast world, in the jazz world, in the musical world, in everything. thing oh i had thought by the way aren't there hasn't anybody sung songs a snippet of song about friendship as you're still looking for friends by the way how many friends do you need you've been looking for how long have you been looking for friends now how many of you found by this time jeff they don't often take that's the problem oh i am um i don't wear well over time that's one of the problems yeah but i feel that we are you know sometimes plants they have to graft they have to graft into each other is what you're saying.

38:59Yes. I'm right there with you. I think we have. We need to graft into each other. Yes, we need to very, very much. Yeah, but think of, do you know any songs about friendship? Well, the song that, you know, We Are Gonna Be Friends that White Stripes did, Jack White, he's a good friend of mine and that's the song I wanted. Name dropper? He wrote the song with Jeff Altman. Oh, Jeff Altman. Robert Altman, sorry. Anyway, Anyway, fall is here, hear the yell. You sing like a nightingale. I love your voice. You really like my voice? When you're not doing that, you have a beautiful, authentic, conversational, delightful voice.

39:40Can I say something? You must. I'm always so self-conscious that I put trills and foolishness in there. And I never just sing. You just sang, and I loved it. Silent night. No, he's going to sing. Oh, is that? You're going to do a thing. Holy night. All is calm. Yeah, he's doing it again. No, it's doing it again, right? Yeah. All is bright. Try to take all the vibrato out of it. Sleep. No, no. I mean, you can't be normal. No, but you were just singing. So sing that, whatever you want to sing, like the other voice, that's it. Let's see. You've got a friend. Oh, no, I can't sing that song. How about the Jason Isbell song you sang to us that time?

40:20Yeah. Oh, yeah. What's that? Oh, yeah. How does that go? It goes, never could be happy in the city at night. That's beautiful. Yeah, can't see the stars for the neon lights. Beautiful. Sidewalks dirty and the river's worse. Underground trains all run in reverse. Nobody here can dance like me. Everybody claps on the one and the three. Am I the last of my kind? Am I the last of my kind? Very moving. Very beautiful. Boy, you should do a whole album of songs that way. I'd love to hear you do that. He can't do it. I can't do it. I just want to say, you two are just locked in icon. I know. But can I tell you something?

41:03Can I tell you something, Jeff? I couldn't, and I'm supposed to, and I want to write a song with Amy Mann. Yeah, I love Amy Mann. I'm talking about it. I adore Amy Mann, and I'm intimidated by Amy Mann's talent. But we promised to write a song together, and then the last thing she said to me, I said, yeah, I'll do it. And she said, you know, it's just got to be something like sincere and something that you really want to say. And I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, that's not going to happen. You could do it. No, I can't. Sona, will you tell them please take over? I was on the edge of my seat the entire time you were singing because I thought he was going to go into some bit and like do something with your voice.

41:38Things eventually become a bit. It's a bit. It's a you're like joking around. Well, who knows where it will be consumed or how it should be presented. But just for your own, just for, you know, just just do it. I'd love to hear just for me. Me too. And for so on and for us, I'd love to hear you do it. And you don't have to jettison your comedic force of nature. You could be surprising and do one like that and one like that and one like that. But that's a very useful part of your toolbox, in my opinion, and a very enjoyable one. Well, that's very nice. I'm curious about something because we have so much in common, not just our incredible height and physiques, not just our successful, incredibly successful careers, both of us as actors.

42:25My point is that we both, and you mentioned this earlier, both of us, both of our fathers, doctors. Yes, right. And I don't know, there's this couple of similarities there. I'm fascinated by this idea that sometimes a salmon just knows it has to swim upstream. I don't know why, but somehow you knew when you were a kid that you needed to be an actor. You needed to be a performer. Yep. I did. I did. Yeah. Around 10, you know, we started to go to children's theater and I was like, what are they doing? Who is that? What are they doing backstage? And I'd be very excited, you know, to go. And then around ninth and 10th grades, I went to this summer session of Carnegie Mellon University and took real lessons.

43:07Right. And, you know, oh, no. But before that, yes, I went to Chatham Music Day Camp around fifth grade and was in this show. And my dad had said, if you find something you love to do, that maybe is a key to your vocational choice wisely. And that night they said, so how do you like that? And I was like, yeah, I liked it. But I kept it secret because there was no, you know, I kept it secret. I wanted to be an actor. And certainly in school, I was a well-behaved, good boy. And nobody would have thought that I would do anything like that, except that I played piano. here and there and that i don't know so that was it yeah and he was a doctor but i must say i don't know what kind of doctor by the way uh internal medicine kind of kind of a family doctor you got it got it but you know people his patients loved him and he would always kind of keep up on his studies and this and that and um you know he liked medicine but early on supposedly the story goes he when he just wanted to decide what he was going to do he was either going to be a doctor or an actor he had the idea to be an actor and then he stuck his head in the back of a class and thought to himself this is out of my league whatever that meant uh so he was a doctor but so he was a little bit tickled when i of course yeah did he and he got to see you become jeff goldblum the the big deal you know i know not such a big deal not even a big deal now but he got to see me start to because i think started to happen quickly he died like in 83 but around the time i did the big chill but he saw a few movies before that and some plays and i remember i did a play called City Sugar, where I was the lead.

44:38I was a radio guy in England with an English accent. Steven Polyakov play called City Sugar. And I did it at this off-Broadway show. He went to see, when he came backstage, and he was not like this, he burst into tears and threw his arms around me. Oh, wow. Yeah, like that. I know, I know. Well, I can't relate. Anyway. I don't mean to interrupt, I just realized something that's speaking of when you knew you wanted to do something. When I was a very young boy, my dad took me to downtown LA because that's where he used to work. First celebrity sighting was something being shot. A warehouse door opens up, outruns Ben Vereen, and then outruns Jeff Goldblum shooting 10 speed and brown shoot.

45:22And I was going to bring this up that the first time we met, TV was our life preserver when we were kids. and my brothers, Neil and Luke and I were really into what's the new show, what's the new show and we're constantly looking for what's the new show gonna be. It was a big deal back then. Now people are bombarded with TV and streaming all the time. Back in the late 70s, early 80s, it was a big deal like ABC's coming out with its lineup in the fall and all summer you'd be excited. You'd hear rumors about what it was gonna be and CBS is coming out with this and NBC is coming out with that and there was this show that we heard about called 10 Speed and Brown Shoe.

46:01And I, my brothers and I watched it and it starred Ben Vereen and this guy I'd never heard of before named Jeff Goldblum. And it was fucking fantastic. It was so good. And I was like, who is that guy? Who's that guy? That guy's fantastic. And then the show didn't last. 13 episodes as well. It was fantastic. Bring it back. Steven J. Cannell did it who had done Rockford Files and many other things. But I remember the - And what? Greatest American hero. Greatest American hero. Yeah. Well, believe it or not, I'm walking on air. So good. Please don't ask me to sing that one. William Catt. Johnny Cash first sent that in.

46:42We were not walking on air. So I, you know, but it's funny that we all have, it's so funny that you bring that up, Matt, because that is the first time that I met Jeff Goldblum I'm using your full name just out of reverence you know it would have been a couple of years into the late night show that I met you and you've you know you've done I mean everything you'd have been in so many great movies and I went back into your dressing room and I was like 10 speed and brown shoe and I remember you were you were like oh yeah 10 speed and brown shoe because I thought you might say oh well who cares about that you know I've moved on to so many other things but it was such it really tickled me when I was oh god I don't know I was like how old would I have been?

47:2814, 15. Well, it was like 1980, I think. So you were born in... I was 16, 17. I was seven when I saw you guys shooting that. And I just was baffled by the cameras and that you did it multiple times and going, why are they doing it again and again? Really? How did you wind up there? My dad worked downtown and he would take me to downtown quite a bit. Downtown LA. What did he do, your dad? He was a division manager for the gas company. Oh, I see. Well, he also sold drugs. Major kingpin. so downtown no kidding and you just happened upon us shooting no kidding and i was i was just blown away i remember you know it's so funny when you think about these brushes with show business as we said earlier i was so far removed from you know show business in my childhood and then i'll never forget my father came home one day and he said they're shooting a movie at our at my hospital the uh peter brent brigham hospital which is now brigham and women's hospital in boston it's a big hospital and he said they're shooting this scene right outside my office and we were like they're shooting a movie in boston near my dad's like right outside my dad's office that's in that's impossible that can't be and so we rushed over there and it was a scene where actor james coburn oh just has to walk out and open a car door and get in it and shut the door and um it and he walked out, they go, and action.

48:54And so James Coburn walks up and he walks up to the car and it won't open and it won't open and they go, cut! The car's been, someone had locked it with the keys inside. So then we watched James Coburn just stand there while three, like seven guys crowd around and start with a coat hanger trying to open the door and I gotta find out the name of this movie because I guess you could watch it. What year would this have been? This would have been like 1971 We could look that up. We could find out. And trying to lift up the door, and they couldn't get it. And I thought, this is movie making? Wow, yeah.

49:32What the hell is this? Well, still, one is struck by that when you go to some movie, and there's all the little things going on. Hey, I love James Coburn. You know, I saw the first run of Iron Man Flint. Oh, my God. In like Flint. Oh, we're back. Yeah. Remember how the telephone rang in Lee J. Cobb's office? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. This was kind of almost a takeoff on James Bond, but not really. I mean, it was very silly. Derek Flint, Derek Flint. Yeah. And then Austin Power had kind of borrowed some things like that, kind of went from there. What is the James Coburn movie?

50:08I've got to find that out. I'll bet. Let me guess. Let me guess. After that, I think after that, he did a movie called The President's Analyst. You know, it could have been that. Oh, yeah. You know, I remember him talking about it on talk shows. I used to love talk shows. When I was in Pittsburgh, I used to tune into, in summer, stay home all day and watch the Mike Douglas show. Go from Mike Douglas to, you know, Dinah Shore and Merv Griffin. And he used to come on. Remember, he was kind of a countercultural hippie actor then. And he used to come on with a turtleneck, you know, or in a medallion or something like that.

50:39And he used to come on, not just talk, he wanted to play the gong. And he used to bring onto Carson a big, big gong and go. you know, that, that was his act, you know. We had, you know what I love, in the tradition of, just to let people know that we did our best during my late night run to keep the madness going. You talk about, you know, how people would just do strange things. One of the stranger things we did once was we just put out a salt lick on my show to see if we could attract a celebrity. And then you did it so nicely. Out of nowhere, just Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, just in the corner. but he does it sort of like a nervous deer.

51:22And he slowly approaches and I'm like, oh, looks like Jeff Goldblum. Shit, everyone be quiet. And he came out and then you like sniff, sniff the salt lick and then you took a little lick. I remember that being one of my favorite. Such a stupid, I don't care. So James Coburn played the gong with Carson. Yeah, let's see. Let's see you have Jeff Goldblum. What do we got for Coburn? Coburn is the Kerry Treatment. Carey Treatment is a 1972 American crime thriller film by Blake Edwards baseball. Yes. It takes place in Boston. In Boston. Dr. Peter Carey, played by James Coburn. Yes. He's a pathologist who moves to Boston where he starts working.

51:58Okay. Well, I'm not - I don't know it, but Blake Edwards, boy. Well, guess what? So this is another fun story. My dad's there. This didn't happen when I was there. They kept shooting this right outside my dad's window, and he kept thinking, well, I could keep looking under this microscope for a cure to a terrible disease, or I could go outside and hang out with these movie folk. So he went outside and he's chatting and he can't believe it, but Blake Edwards is there with his wife, Julie Andrews. And a friend of my dad's, who doesn't know much because he's always looking in a microscope, is talking to Blake Edwards.

52:31And then he turned to Julie Andrews and said - The friend of your dad's. The friend of my dad's and said, now tell me, miss, what do you do? Oh no, oh no. And she said, well, I'm an actress as well. And he went, well. And then later on, people told him what he did. And the guy, I think, put his head in a cyclotron. It's like that scene from Notting Hill when Julia Roberts comes in. Yeah. I know that reference. Yes. Notting Hill. There you go. We're getting closer and closer to her references. When you said Julie Andrews, I was like, yeah, she narrated Bridgerton. So I know her. And you know what?

53:07Oh, my God. Sound of music. Sound of music. I'm kidding. You know, when the Thanksgiving Day Parade, when I lived in New York, we lived on the Upper West Side and my kids were crazy about seeing, you know, the parade go by. And so I'd always take them. They were little kids to see the parade. And once I'm watching on the television and we haven't gone down yet and the parade is going by. And then they said, and here comes Julie Andrews. I lost my fucking mind. At the time, you know, I'm whatever. I'm a 46 year old man. I ran without my kids. Oh my God. How old were you? And I ran all the way down.

53:48They were like, where are you going? I was like, stop. And I ran because I wanted to get down there fast. And I saw her go by and I was like, it's Julie Andrews. And I've been on TV at this point, you know, whatever, 12 years. And I'm like, ah, Julie Andrews. I mean, she didn't see me, but. Amazing. Yeah. Amazing. How about the movie 10? She's in the movie 10, of course, too. But Sound of Music, I saw when it first came out. You know, it was a big deal around that year. And I showed it to our kids now. We showed Sound of Music. We haven't shown them many movies. I'm going to show them. They've never been to a movie theater, but I think I'm going to take them to see Jurassic World.

54:20Your kids are - Seven, almost seven, and just turned five. Oh, my God. Okay, so they're at such a great age. And because of COVID, they've missed out on some of these great experiences. Like going to a movie theater is so - That was the biggest thing in the world that could happen to me, was to get to go to a movie theater and see a movie. Yeah. And so when I say to anyone in my family now, hey, do you want to go see a movie? And they're like, eh. I don't know. I'm like, I don't know. What are you talking about? It's because they can see anything they want at any time. Right, right. Oh, yeah. Going to a movie theater.

54:49I'm about to do. I'm involved in this cycle of publicity for Jurassic Park Dominion. And one of the things we're encouraging people to do, genuinely on my part, is to go out and see it in the movies, of course. And I made a list because of that. I thought, oh, what are the best times I've ever had in movie theaters in my life? because that's a way to talk about it. And so I started to remember, and with the help of my sister too, all the movies I saw importantly when I was a kid. And she said, oh, remember this one. And it's been a nostalgia blast. So these are the movies that really blew you away.

55:22Yes, these are the ones we remember. She and I used to go to, they used to drop us off to the Leona Theater, this big, beautiful jewel box of a three-tiered movie palace. In Pittsburgh? In Pittsburgh, West Homestead, a suburb of Pittsburgh, Not downtown. It was an old suburb, but they had this movie theater. And we'd go for, you know, 25 cents, 50 cents or something, whatever tickets were. Get popcorn with butter and salt and hot dogs. So Jeff Goldblum is about to read a list of his favorite movies. This is heaven. The ones that made a big difference that I can remember to this day. Let's hear it.

55:49Okay. We saw, see if these mean anything to you. The Absent-Minded Professor. Yes. You know, Fred McMurray, Flubber, all that. That made a big impression on me. The Blob. Oh, the original? Which I've seen recently. Steve McQueen, very good. his first movie, you know. Now, who was, of course, you'll know who was in all of these movies, which we saw, you know, we saw whatever that came to there. But during this period, the 60s, you know, early 60s, the bellboy, cinderfella, disorderly, orderly, visitor, small planet, geisha boy. Of course, the nutty professor. Delinquent, rockabye, baby nutty professor.

56:23Yeah. Loved it. Then I got the chance to meet him. Did you ever meet Jerry? I did. I got to meet him. I got to interview him. That's so interesting. Well, we could talk all about that. Well, did you meet yes i did i was going to play his son in that last movie that he did uh augie rose augie rose augie oh no no max max rose max rose and um and so i went to vegas in order i was almost gonna do it before i got something else and couldn't and so i hung out with him in his office in las vegas how was he bonded amazing we could talk for you know amazing he'd made a big he was big in my childhood and during this period.

57:01So I was thrilled to meet him. And he was, you know, as you know him at that stage, great, you know, great and complicated. Very complicated. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But those movies, when we were seeing those movies, big deal. Do you know what this movie is? The Sterile Cuckoo? No. Liza Minnelli's first, Liza Minnelli's first movie. She plays a kind of a nerdy girl. The Sterile Cuckoo. Sterile Cuckoo. Who's coming. Terrible name for a movie. It is. Nobody wants, sterility is never something that draws the masses. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, come on, bring the family. The sterile cuckoo.

57:40That cuckoo's not having children. How about this movie? Who knows this? I don't think you will. Georgie Girl. Oh, yeah. Hey there. Georgie Girl. Walking down the street so fancy free was played by Redgrave. Lynn Redgrave, whom I worked with later, believe it or not. Oh, well, Bridge on the River Kwai. We saw the first viewing of the first. The man who shot Liberty Valance. Yes. I love that. Hush, hush, sweet Charlotte. How about, you know, Betty Davis and Joan Crawford together. Gay Perry, P-U-R-E-E, animated movie about an impressionistic style, French impressions about cats. And I think Robert Goulet did a voice, you know, great.

58:22Dr. Noah from Russia with Love, Goldfinger, fantastic. Iron Man Flint. I have Pink Panther, the first Pink Panther. We went to a movie theater and there was Peter Sellers, never seen before as Clouseau, Blake Edwards. Unbelievable. I remember the day we saw that. Those movies changed my life. Bobby D and I went, my best friend went to that theater to see Psycho. First time run of Psycho. Unbelievable. I just spent some time with Jamie Lee Curtis in CinemaCon. You know what's so great about, there were all these great, they don't do it anymore, but there were these great promotional tricks that they did back in the day to get people to come see movies.

58:57and Alfred Hitchcock was a genius at this. So when Psycho came out, he had like ambulances outside the theaters and he very much publicized, we're gonna have medical personnel available for people who faint or have seizures during this terrifying movie. And people went mad for it. And there was like a do not be late for this one. Remember he would say, do not be late. We won't let you in after the first show. Yeah, yeah, we won't let you in. Do not tell your friends what happens. Yes, exactly. Exactly, and he did all that stuff. He did it with the birds. He did, he had all these great, I mean, what a great showman he was in addition to being, you know, this incredible.

59:34Birds was another movie we saw first run. I loved that day that we saw that. But then we went, oh, I had a crush on this girl. And we went, I went on a field trip hoping to kind of be near her. I had not made any headway. And we saw Hard Day's Night. What girl did you have a crush on? Stephanie Ignatz. Oh, I thought you said, oh, oh, okay. I thought you meant you had a crush on a girl in the movie. No, not in the movie. Those were fellas. They just had long hair. In ninth grade. In ninth grade. No, Stephanie. And she was going, so I was going to tag along, too. Have you ever kept up with Stephanie Ignatz?

1:00:04You know, I am. We have her here today. Here she is. A little bit. Oh, my God. Look out. She's deranged. Some 10 or 15 years after this period, we got in touch, and we saw each other. She went out to California, and, you know, I saw her. Okay. Okay. Okay, you saw her, but she didn't see you. You followed her from a distance. Oh, no, no. Not like that. They saw each other. Oh, okay. He closes the deal. It's like that. No, no. He understands. Oh, I'm making it clear. What I do is I look them up, and then I just, I peer at them through shrubbery from 50 yards away. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's my, when I say, oh, I saw her, I have you what I mean.

1:00:46Norman Bates. Speaking of Norman Bates. Yeah, I know. Through a hole in your office wall. Oh, man. Yes. He's got them all over this building. It's horrible. I have to ask you, speaking of movies, we have to talk about, because in Jurassic Park and this character that you played, Dr. Ian, what's the last name? Malcolm, that's right. Malcolm. Yes. You, I mean, God, you nailed that character so much. And now you're coming back and you're assembling with the same people to bring these people back to life. Yes, sir. So who else is with you? And this is Laura Dern. Laura Dern, of course. The great Laura Dern, the great Sam Neill.

1:01:26So the three of us from the first movie are back together for the first time since then. Right. And we're reunited and have something to do with in this story with Bryce Dallas Howard's character and Chris Pratt's character. But also B.D. Wong is back from the first one. That's great. Yeah, isn't that great? And Omar C. from most recently. And Daniela Polneda and Justice Smith. And wait a minute. Wait a minute. And new characters, Dewan DeWise, Mamadou Aceh, and Campbell Scott are in this. Isabel Sermon comes back. So it's great. Give me think about – I mean this is something that I think would be worthwhile for you to settle with for a second is that movies were such a big deal for you growing up.

1:02:11You've now been in a bunch of movies and you think about Jurassic Park. So many young people, that was an eye-opening experience for them and you were a big part of it. it's interesting how the loop closes in a strange way, isn't it? It's fascinating. I know it's a dreamy life that I've had. I can't believe it. I'm very grateful. And it's amazing that I get a chance to be in some movies and some movies with people, like I've said, that I saw early on. It is amazing. I have to say that that is something, and I brought this up before, but also I've had a dreamy life and getting the chance to just, to me, getting to.

1:02:49To interact with someone I saw on a movie screen or a television set when I was a child. Nothing tops that. And, you know, there are all these massive stars that come along later on in life and it doesn't have the same effect as meeting someone like a Dick Van Dyke or meeting someone who was in a movie and a huge deal when you were a kid like Jerry Lewis, you know, or, you know, seeing a Julie Andrews on a parade float go by. and even though she's 50 yards away, I can't believe that, oh wait, I saw you there as a child and now you're still here. Life is magic. Amazing. Vincent Price, we saw some Vincent Price movies then he was in The Fly, the first Fly which I saw back then.

1:03:36I think I saw him in a Ralph's later. You saw Vincent Price at a Ralph's? I do believe so. I think I went up to him and he was, yes, yes. He was, you know, picking out melons or something. Yeah, he was a big chef, Oh my God. It's too bad Bill Hader isn't here because he does, Bill Hader does the best Vincent Price of all and he'd be going, I don't do it, but he'd be here doing Vincent Price at a Ralph's. We should remind him of that. No, we should do. We will be seeing him soon. We should remind him of that because Vincent Price at a Ralph's and I used to, when I first moved out here to LA a long time ago in 1988, my brother Neil came out and visited me and there was a Ralph's across the street and he kept seeing all these huge stars.

1:04:21He saw Cesar Romero. Oh, the Joker. And he'd come back and he'd go, I saw him. And I'm like, what is he? He was buying dog food at Ralph's. He was always going to Ralph's and he would hang out there and he would go right up to them and go, I loved you as the Joker. Or I saw Harry Morgan from MASH. And then he would always tell me what they were buying. He was buying a giant thing of beans. It always never matched. Like, I saw Cher. What was she getting? Industrial strength toilet cleaner. Oh. Oh. I didn't want to know that. She would never. I was so crazy about the fire. I hadn't met anybody famous or who was in movies when I was a kid.

1:05:03And the first couple of brushes I had, who did I first? We went on a vacation. And who was staying at this hotel was Darren McGavin. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He's great. Of the Night Stalker. Yes. I was like, do you think we'll see him at breakfast? I never went up to him, but I was just, when are we going to see him again? He's the dad. In Christmas Story, he's the dad. Oh, he is? But he's also one of the great, he's also in The Natural. Obviously, he's one of the villains in The Natural. He's got one fun guy in that. But he did, I think, maybe my favorite show as a kid. Oh, Kolchak? He played Carl Kolchak in The Night Stalker, which was the scariest show on television.

1:05:46It only ran, I mean, maybe it ran two seasons, if that. It was not a success, but it was such a scary show. I have that on DVD. Do you? No, it's fantastic. It's so good. It's fantastic. I've never seen them. I don't know about them. And Darren McGavin was fantastic. And I got to, I don't think he ever did my show, but I got to meet him once. And yeah, my soul left my body. I was so excited. I couldn't believe I was meeting him. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. So, yeah, I'm back in this movie now. Coming out June 10th, you brought it up. That's your problem. I love that you went, so anyway, back in this movie, and well, da-da-da-da-da.

1:06:27June 10th, you brought it up. I love that. I was just trying to remember where we got off that. But next on my list was Diary of a Madman, Vincent Price, and Tomb of Ligia. He was a big deal to us, you know, some of those Roger Cormans. I was a teenage Frankenstein. I was a teenage werewolf. Two horrible movies, but interesting. Egon. Did anyone ever do, I was a teenage teenager? I'm just curious. It would be kind of meta, but I'd do it. That's a good idea. Yeah? It's a teenager who then turns into a teenager who's just slightly older. He's like 15 and he turns 17? He turns into a 16-year-old.

1:07:02Oh, okay. He's a 15-year-old and he goes into a corner and it's like, and then he comes out and he's a 16-year-old. He can legally drive, but doesn't know how to. Yeah, he can legally drive, but he can't. But he has the same amount of acne. What a terrible movie. I think it's a great movie, and I've got the rights. Okay, no one's going to fight you. You can have them. I remember when TV shows would come out, what you were talking about, the new lineup. Boy, I loved Friday nights when Wild Wild West would come on. Yes, huge. Oh, boy. Robert Conrad and Ross Martin, who played - Yep, Ross Martin.

1:07:37Artemis Gordon. Artemis Gordon. Artemis Gordon. King Kong versus - We left that open for you, Sonny. You didn't take it. Really? What? No, I don't know. How about Gigo? Nobody knows the movie Gigo. I don't know. Jackie Gleason. Jackie Gleason. He plays a mute dead, kind of a village idiot. Oh, it's great. First movie I ever cried at. Oh, I guess. It's heartbreaking. I'm crying hearing about it. You're mentioning a bunch of movies that had a huge impact that I don't know. You'll know this one. Jason and the Argonauts. Yes, of course. All that Ray Harryhausen stop motion stuff. Yeah. Magical day, magical day.

1:08:09But Vertigo did see the first run of Vertigo. Maybe my favorite Hitchcock movie. Speaking of Hitchcock, you know Vertigo? I don't. It's not my favorite. Really? Yeah. I'm sorry. Bernard Herrmann does the score. Wonderful music from that. But why don't you like Vertigo? I didn't say I didn't like it. I just have the Hitchcock films. What's your favorite Hitchcock? Wow. It's got to be Psycho. I also like Strangers on a Train. That's a yesteryear. Yeah. That's interesting. Farley Granger. Farley Granger was in that. I met Farley Granger. You can't just say a name twice and have it have more impact.

1:08:45Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Farley Granger. Farley Granger. I think he's proven that he can. You know what would be great? I think you'd be a great prosecuting attorney because you'd say, you know, the killer is, of course, Steve Miller. Steve Miller! And people would be like, well, he's got to be guilty. He said his name twice. Steve Miller from the band? Yeah. Well, I just threw a name out there. what's a common name he's not suspicious in any way he's the gangster of love he's gotta be guilty oh god that's true that's true stand by that what were we talking oh yeah what were we talking about whose name you were listing oh Farley Granger yeah you know who introduced me to Farley Granger Shelley Winters whom I met on this movie called Next Stop Grinch Village that Paul Mazursky directed in 1975 Brian I came out here and we were kind of palsy Shelley Winters lovely woman She was lovely.

1:09:35Wow. She was on our show in the early years, and I loved her because I knew her mostly from Poseidon Adventure. I know that one. Oh, that's fantastic. Yes. You know, she was in the Poseidon Adventure, but she was also in Lolita. She's great. Yes. Oh, she's great in Lolita. She's great in Place in the Sun with Montgomery Clifton and Liz Taylor. Spectacular. Hey, did you ever meet Liz Taylor? I did not meet Liz Taylor, no. I knew Liz Taylor. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. What was she like? Spectacular. Spectacular. she yeah she was one of those people there's a it all depends on when you get into show business and I you know you need to get in at the I missed you know I shouldn't say that I got to meet all these amazing people who then passed away makes me sound like a killer I met them and then they were gone suspicious eh but before that but I will say that you know there are all these great stars that passed away you know before I came along in 93 and you think of you know all the great, so many great stars from the, she had not passed away, but refused to take my calls.

1:10:38Elizabeth Taylor. Yeah. Wisely, very wisely. I don't blame her. No. Right. Who were we talking? Oh, so Shelly Winters, who was in place in the sun. Yeah. And also, what did she win the Oscar for as supporting actress, as they were called in those days? What did she win for? She won for. Why did you become an evil German scientist? What did she win for? What did she win for? You will tell us what she won. Just let me. You will not leave until you tell us what Shirley Vint does fun for. Supporting actress. I dishow schlitten. Geinschlag. Lortenstein. Schlitten. What was it? Very good. Patch of Blue.

1:11:25Oh, okay. Patch of Blue with Elizabeth Hartman and Sidney Poitier. And the prisoner says, Patch of blue. And he goes, Ah! Okay, you can go. You're the first. I'm putting that down because I - You can go. Here's - Did you park in our lot? Because we validate. Yeah, I did. Okay, well. Oh, God. The guy completely loses his fervor. Patch of blue. Oh, okay. So you go out the way you came. Oh, God. Just take the elevator. I'm crying. Do you want me to validate that? Very good. Yeah, I'm adding patch of blue because I'd forgotten it because we saw Lilies of the Field and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, all in the Sidney Poitier category.

1:12:14In any case, so Shelly Winters took me to Musso and Frank's for the first time. Oh, my God. That is the ultimate experience. Me and her and Farley Granger. Oh, my God. Yep. Wow. She said, get the sand dabs. Sand dabs. They're known for their sand dabs. Nobody else serves sand abs. You know the fish sand abs? At Musso Frank's, you can get the sand abs still. What is it? A fish. Kind of a fish. Kind of a fish that you get. Okay. It's been fried often. Fried. The fried sand abs, kind of a soul, a variation of soul, I do believe. Wow. I just, those, I mean, I live for those experiences. I live for the idea that you would see an iconic star in a restaurant and you would end up hanging out with them.

1:12:54You know, someone you grew up watching on TV. TV. And I was at some restaurant once and Warren Beatty was at another table. And the next thing you know, I got invited over and I'm sitting with Warren Beatty and he's, I mean, Bonnie and Clyde was such a huge deal to me. And then I'm sitting there with him and I just can't believe it. I'm supposed to play it cool, but then you can't because it's too big a moment. Just too big. totally amazing Splendor in the Grass even before Bonnie and Clyde my parents and I went to we were in New York City and I think we went to Radio City Music Hall saw the Rockettes and saw Splendor in the Grass with him and I think maybe Natalie Wood wow yeah amazing I saw the Rockettes but I was 50 yards away I was in shrubbery just peering at them oh my god such a creep up in the catwalk

1:13:52I'm the only guy that watches the Rockettes from a distance. You know, you can buy a ticket in the first row. No, no, no, I have my own way I like to do it. It doesn't do anything for me. Yeah, I gotta wait till all of them come out together into that field, and I'll be behind those shrubs over there. What? How are you gonna get them all out here? We'll have a salt lick. We'll get them out there. A salt lick. You lit up. Look, I have to wrap this up. No, you mustn't. I beg you. I beg you. He expects a five-hour podcast. We can do this. It's okay. Okay, we'll do it. We all need to be rehydrated.

1:14:24No, I just want to, it's, my God. I want to get the word out. Because this podcast, I'm not going to brag. You can brag. A lot of people hear this podcast. 43 million, I believe, is the viewership. In Hawaii alone. And so what I'm saying, that's just on Maui. Everybody listens five times on that. Yeah, I read 43 million. It's a very successful podcast. Yes. Not for me to say. Let's not fact check that. It's 43 million. Yeah, no reason to look into it. But the point is, a lot of people hear it. And so when I say Jurassic World Dominion, Jurassic World Dominion is coming out, and that you are reprising your role as Dr.

1:15:02Ian Malcolm, that is going to pack the theaters alone. That alone. That's beautiful. That's big. No one else would watch it otherwise. I appreciate you saying that. You're great. Because that's what they've said. But that's what I represent. I represent a lovely company of investors and people. All right, let's not turn this into a money thing. No one. No, emotionally, emotionally they invested. There you go. Colin Trevorrow, the director. Steven Spielberg is still at the top of the pyramid. Yes, godfathering this all the way through. You are the butts and seats of this movie. Yeah. I'm sorry, I was going to say it.

1:15:34Yeah, that's how I felt. And as much as everyone else was spectacular, but you and one of the dinosaurs really, I can't remember which one. It was one of the velociraptors. The velociraptors, come on. It would be great if you got everybody back except one velociraptor held out. Like, fuck it. The Robert Duvall. Yeah, fuck it. I was gonna say Robert Duvall. Godfather 3, that's right. Yeah, like, fuck it. You meet my price or I'm not showing up. Ah, that's right. Can I just take a second to share my notes for this episode of the podcast? Yes. perfection erotic ideal yep wow that was just what wow there we go that really was yeah I got to we should do we have many more hours of fun to have you know you have to come back because my time with you is serious I'm going to be sincere and it's hard for me to do that but you're one of my favorite people you really are me too me and I just absolutely love talking to you and it is whenever we're together whether it's been on the show or this podcast, it is unlike any other experience I have.

1:16:43And it means a lot to me. And so when I heard that you were going to come in and inaugurate our new studio, my head blew up. It exploded. Well, me too. I've been looking forward to this terrifically. And these are my favorite. These are peak experiences for me. And people come up to me on the street anecdotally and say, you and Conan, you and Conan, you and Conan. See, we got to do something. They do. Well, I think so too. I've been screen tested and apparently it's not good. It won't be a film, but maybe an animated project. Something where my face is mostly hidden. And you're singing authentically a lot.

1:17:15I like that. And I just saw a documentary about or some kind of thing about talk show, the history of talk shows and the current. Did you see this one? There are many of them. I don't watch those. I love them all. And this one particularly said, here's why amongst the current crop in the last few decades, Conan O 'Brien reigns supreme. He's cracked the code and why he's at the pinnacle of what this needs to be right now, et cetera, et cetera. Well, are you uncomfortable? I'm not uncomfortable. I just don't believe that that exists. They're talking about this Conan O 'Brien? It's an Irish Conan O 'Brien.

1:17:57This guy makes a very good case for exactly why. It's a very erudite and... There is a guy named Conrad Orion in Dublin who's huge. And he's really cracked the code. That's very cool. Well, it's true. It's true. It's true. Well, Jeff... And you all together. I mean, I'm really struck with all of you. Oh, come on. Stop it. Mobsession. You pronounced my name right. Mobsession. There should be a perfume. Not Obsession, but Mobsession. I'm wearing the new... Mobsession. Oh, my God. It's going to smell like garlic. Yeah. I was going to say. And goarly. And goarly. Is it, what's, how do you say, what's that vowel exactly?

1:18:35Is it? Gore. Gore, like gore, like gore. Gorely. Gorely. Yeah, although when I went to Ireland, they said it's girly. Ah, girly. Is it really? Yeah. Well, they were just saying, you seem kind of girly. Yeah, I think so. Ah, you seem girly to me. I said it's girly, because no, it's girly. Oh, trust me. We saw you walking down the street, and it was girly. Well, you two, you three have made me very, very happy for many hours. You will continue to be. You have delighted us. And you're coming back. I want to. I want to, along with, you know, I've seen every single Schlansky. Oh, my God. Every single Schlansky.

1:19:10Really? Really? No, we laugh out loud over and over again. I see them multiple times. No, no, and it's all true. That's the one thing. I've been in the darkest regions, darkest, most remote corners of the world. and people will literally come out from behind the rock and say, Schlansky, is he being real? And I'll go, yes, he's being real. And then they go back under the rock. You're never funnier when he's driving you mad. It's just great. Oh my God. Well, anyway. We gotta get him back. You know what? I could go on. Mr. Goldblum, Mr. Jeff Goldblum, you're the finest man that ever lived. Conan Christopher O 'Brien.

1:19:45Oh my God. Yes, you are the finest man that's ever lived. No, you're better. Yeah. Sorry. You're better. I'm taking you to a sizzler. We're going. Let's go. Langustino. Langustinos. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, man. Oh, my God. Oh, God.

1:20:08We have to just take a second here and wallow in the joyousness of Jeff Goldblum. And we never do this. We talk to the guests. Then we move on with matters. But Jeff Goldblum came in here. He is just an energy field. He is calming, but also enervating at the same time. He electrifies, solidifies. There's no compromise. I have real nice thighs. He's absolutely, no, no, he's incredible. He does it. He's one of my, I gotta say. And I was really looking forward to seeing him today and then to see how happy he was to see you, Matt Gorley, and you, Sonam of Cessian. He knew you as people. As human beings.

1:20:53Yeah. And, you know, a lot of celebrities, they come in and they're like, oh my God, it's Conan. It's Conan. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I've never heard that. I've never heard anybody say, oh my God, it's Conan. I've never heard that. I know. I keep trying to get them to say it. I know. I have a cue card I hold up. I think Kato Kaelin was the only one. Kato Kaelin said it. Yeah. But he was testifying. Oh boy. No, but. That's not funny. But anyway, no. Murders. Please, murder. When time passes, murders are okay. Okay. to laugh about. Anyway, my point is that, you know, he saw me as a human being, not as some godlike creature.

1:21:29And he was so thrilled to see you guys as well. Oh, man. He's a human electrolyte. He just gives you energy, like you were saying. And we know that he listens to all these segments and stuff. So this is as much for him, how much we loved him. Jeff, we absolutely love you. We know that he listens to the podcast. So unless he's an incredible con artist who paid someone to listen because he said, I can't, I can't listen to that crap. Oh, no, no. No, unless he paid someone to listen and take notes. We can put a test in there, Jeff. If you're listening this, to prove it, come over to my house and watch some James Bond movies with me.

1:22:05Oh, Matt, that got sad. Quick. Just please come over. Yeah, I know. That's better. Do you have friends? Oh, God, no. You don't? No, not a one. That just occurred to me. I don't know if you have friends and you have people that you podcast with and you shuttle from place to place podcasting with people you may not really know well on a human level. But do you have friends that come over and do the things that you like to do? Yeah, I'm a human being. Well, I don't know. I've never heard you reference a friend. Do you really think he didn't have any friends? I don't know. You know that I have friends.

1:22:36Well, now Jeff Goldblum's my friend. So I do have a friend. Oh, now I'm not sure either. You're not sure? Yeah. Jeff, come on, let's prove these knuckleheads wrong. Your friends are all people you saw on TV and movie when you were kids in your mind. I'm E.T. Hey, last night I had dinner with Gumby. Gumby? This is supposed to be a Jeff Goldblum praise session. Yeah, that's true. I love him so much. Yeah. He doesn't have to know who we are, me and Matt, and he does. That says a lot about him. Let me ask you a question. Ladies love that man. Love him. And I understand because, you know, again, we have a similar frame.

1:23:13Okay, don't do that. Don't do that. I don't understand. Before you go down that road, he said like, no, I can handle it. I can handle it. Why is it that there's a fork in the road? Confidence. Swagger. Yeah. Ease. You know how at a time Porsche and Volkswagen had the same engine? That's the difference. It's also, it's like. No, I can handle it. I really want to know. He is a chill person who seems very comfortable in his skin and very confident. Not that you're not, but it seems like he's been that way much longer than you have. I feel like he went through a very awkward phase where you were like, oh, I don't like myself.

1:23:53No. Was that, that was, that was me. No, but what I'm saying is that it does amaze me that he does have something that I wish I had that I don't have. Oh, me too. You know, and I'm being completely honest. He has, he does have an ease and he's always in the center. He's always centered. I think that's incredible to be centered like that all the time. And he's like a tuning fork that's perfectly vibrating with the universe. And I feel like I'm a, you know, like a - You're just a fork. Yeah, like a fork that was eating clams, but someone didn't wash it afterwards and then it fell in some sand and it's got some clam juice and sand on it.

1:24:32That's pretty good. Yeah. Do you think we like him because he's nice to us? Oh, right. Maybe if you tried being nice to me and Matt, then we would like mom. Maybe still not then. You get a paycheck, right? That's not being nice to someone. You get a paycheck. I'm your employee. That doesn't mean you're nice to me. It's kind of worse because it's like you're paying her to be belligerent. The fact that you even thought about - Do you do okay with me? I do. Yeah, I do. Would you say that, I mean, are there a lot of other people just sending you money besides me? Nobody else is. Okay. Then I'm a good guy and I'm your friend.

1:25:06No, you can't do it. That doesn't sign how nice this works. It's not transaction. What are you talking about? Jeff Goldblum asks nothing and gives everything. You are transaction. Do you get a paycheck from me? Why are you pointing at me? You're missing the point, dude. You profit from me as well. In a roundabout way, I do, yes. In a roundabout way. Full disclosure. Okay, I didn't realize you were just here on a voluntary basis. No, I've seen you driving. Since the podcast blew up and suddenly you're driving a Bentley. No. Yes, you're driving a Bentley on, you know, just on Hollywood Boulevard.

1:25:34Yeah. You know, and - Classic girls. Yeah, and whoa, your license plate's suddenly Pod King, and you're driving around. You guys have both - Pod King is seven ladies. And your kids wear these like crazy satin outfits that you have handmade for them now that the podcast blew up. And so both of you have, your lives have been changed by knowing me, which means you have to like me. You have to. You know that's not how it works. It should work that way. You can't buy friendship. That's not how it works. Yes, you can. No, you can't. That's why I moved to Los Angeles. You can. No. You can. Sona and I are friends.

1:26:10All of my friends work for me, and I'm very comfortable with that, because if any of them piss me off, I can terminate that friendship very easily. I wonder why we like Jeff Goldblum more than you. I still don't understand it. He's my favorite tall person. Yeah. And he just exudes this like sense of ease. And you know what? He doesn't have to pay me for me to like him. Yeah. And that says a lot. Hmm. This is interesting. I have to look more into this. Into friendship? Into the concept of being nice? He leads with love. You lead with fear. Yes. Yes. No. Stalin did that. Yeah, I know. He controlled.

1:26:47Stalin. Stalin. Joseph Stalin. Oh. Dictator. So now we're going to rip on Joseph Stalin. You don't... I love how there's no sacred cows anymore. Everybody gets torn down. Everybody gets torn down. Not Jeff Goldblum. And now it's Joseph Stalin. No, not Jeff Goldblum. Jesus, no one's safe in this hypersensitive era. Jeff Goldblum is an angel. He's an absolute angel. He's otherworldly. Just such a sweet person. He might be an alien. He is. He is. Because we should stick the landing on this. He is such an unusually, he's an unusual person. There's no one else quite like him. And I do have to tell you that when I, in my travels, people always bring up to me, oh my God, I love it when Jeff Goldblum is on the podcast or he's on the show.

1:27:38He brings an energy that immediately transforms the experience. I think we all are changed by him when we're in his, he creates like a biosphere, a Jeff Goldblum biosphere that's very enjoyable. Yeah. Yeah. And he remembers everybody. He's just, he like, when he looks at you, he looks at you and he knows your name and he remembers you and that goes a long way. I don't, again, I have a list of all the employees. I can consult them. I don't think you even know my name. I can go to Jeff Ross now. I don't need to. All I have to do is go to Jeff Ross or Adam Sachs and say the guy with the, you know, he's kind of a hipster and he lives in Pasadena.

1:28:17And they'll be like, yeah, Matt Gorley. And I'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, tell him I wished him a happy Christmas. I got to get out of here. My helicopter's waiting. It's me. Wait, what? Yeah, my helicopter's waiting. That's your helicopter. God, your helicopter is ill. Yeah. Wait, how does the helicopter... No, but mine is different. Mine runs on pure malice. It's very eco-friendly. It's also super pervy somehow. A helicopter is... Wow. Mr. O 'Brien, you must really hate people today. We've got 600 ,000 miles.

1:29:06I just get in it and put an electrode on my head. Who are you mad at? And it leaves a noxious cloud of just pure bad intent behind me. Metaphorically, that's what's going on here. All right. Well, anyway, Jeff Goldblum, if you're listening right now, naked in the lotus position as you meditate, as he does every night, we love you. We do. We love you. See you next week at my house for James Bond. Okay. Let's cut it there. Oh, man.

1:29:40Conan O 'Brien needs a friend. with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

1:30:02Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Will Becton. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message It too could be featured on a future episode And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded

1:30:42This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.