Josh Safdie

24:41He's more like a mastiff. Big mastiff who's like, you know, I don't even like, I don't even want to say out loud some of the things I feel about him because I'm very, for me, I'm very emotional about him. And I think most people who are close with him do get that way because he is very open. He's like a very mushy, mushy person. I love that word, mushy. He's very mushy, mushy, mushy, gushy. and mushy-tushy. That's what I say to my daughter. I've turned into a three-year-old. I say it all the time. I'm like, mushy-tushy. Everything is tushy with my daughter. She's calling again. She's like, you got it right.

25:15That's it. I'll like literally just turn to my daughter, Minnie, every once in a while. I'm like, Minnie, guess what? She goes, tushy. And I was like, tushy. Anyway, Sandler's a tushy guy. Why do we have to evolve? Yeah, we don't. We don't. You gotta be forever young. I had Jack Fisk, my production designer, one of the greatest of all time. He's just turned 80 or 79 or something. and he worked with the best and he grew up with David Lynch and he's did some amazing movies there will be blood and Mulholland drive and badlands he met his wife sissy space icon and he is probably the youngest person I've ever really gotten to know like he's like an eight year old and like we're texting at three four in the morning and I just felt so I felt young with him yeah so so you just stay tushy you just got to say tushy all the time mushy tushy mushy tushy but Sam when I was making gems and you know spoiler alert to anyone who hasn't seen it he dies at the end of the movie.

26:03And the entire film for me was watching somebody who's so alive all the time and knowing that he dies. I would well up and cry throughout the movie. And he was like, what's going on with you? And I was like, I know I have issues. But I really would. It's so funny that you had the power to keep him alive. I know. I could have. He had to die. It's winged in his shoulder. Not only that, but you essentially killed him. Yeah, yeah. I know. It's weird. And then this is, I'm all broken up. why i'm gonna murder you soon oh it just breaks my heart but he is but he is also the best yeah he's he's also so like to me that he is that like alive electric character who is like constantly looking to just disappear at any moment just connect with somebody and he's that has he's anxious he's a very anxious person his early stand-up where he's talking pretending to be things in the refrigerator you know what i mean he's uh his humor is very unique i grew up loving those albums so much so much uh to the point when i'm meeting people who appear on the albums i'm like starstruck and uh so so i you know felt like i knew him on some level so when i wrote it for him i also knew that he had he has this rage in him which he does that's real that's not you know i mean it's obviously those who know him he can get he can have an outburst but they're loving and immediately he can go back to being mushy tushy.

27:28But he's still like, he's still Sandler and he's the Sandman. People, how many people do you know in your life? You can just call them that. Like their nickname. I knew like six. I worked at a sand company for a while. I did. They manufacture high grain sand. And you knew no one's name. So you just called everyone Sandman. That's what you do. And half of them's name when I found out was Sandman. So, you know, but you know, it's interesting to me. The last name was Sandman. Yeah, the last name. Jews. Sandman. I'm Moysha Sandman. Yeah, I'm Superman.

28:04Speederman. Yeah. That's what I would say. I would say Marty is like, he's like Speederman. He's Marty Speederman. Yes. You know. Well, he is. I mean, here's the thing. But I did write it for Timmy. I did. I wrote it for him. I met him before I really knew him as an actor. Right. And this kid that I met, you know, I was at a premiere for one of our movies. agent comes up to me, agent's at a party and they're like, Oh, I want to introduce you to the next superstar. It's pretty obnoxious. You hear that all the time. Everyone's the next superstar. So I'm skeptical. And I go and I meet this kid and he's in the corner of the room and he's with his buddy and he was there, but he wasn't like there.

28:39He wasn't where he wanted to be. And he had, he was like, he couldn't stand still. He was like coming out of his own skin. And he had these really big dreaming eyes. And then I, then I went to go see a movie. I called me by your name like four months later and he that movie could have been like kind of a small film you know and he just through his acting through his performance expanded the walls of this movie made it a huge movie and and i watched him on stage afterwards he just turns in this like super serious star forming performance and then he's doing being interviewed at the new york film festival 1200 people and he's rocking back on his chair which i do all the time uncontrollably and he fell.

29:15He fell down on his ass onto his back. Could have been very embarrassing, but every single person in that room laughed and we laughed like we were his guest. And that was so like, cause we felt so intimate to him. So I wrote it for, when I said to him, I was like, I want that person to be this part. Well, so what's interesting to me about this movie is watching it and there's a bunch of things that struck me, but one reminded me a little bit of Frank Capra. Frank Capra used to make the most of small characters. So yeah, okay, you're watching Jimmy Stewart or whatever, but then he goes in just to buy a newspaper and the guy who sells in the newspaper is memorable.

29:55Maybe has one line, but is memorable. That is usually not done anymore. And Marty Supreme, I watched it and I turned to my friend Rodman afterwards and I went, those faces, all the faces of everybody, people that are in that dreary hotel where Abel Ferrara lives. Oh my God, yeah. Anytime there's a face in the crowd who, and the camera's on them for a second, their face is fascinating. These faces loom out at you and they're absolutely incredible. And I was thinking about all the supporting players. David - I mean, we cast every single - David Mamet, Sandra Bernhardt, Isaac Mizrahi, Abel Ferrara, Tower of the Creator, Kevin O 'Leary from Shark Tank.

30:39And, you know, you have, yeah, okay, Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah, but that's not a shock that Gwyneth Paltrow was in a great movie. But - She hadn't acted in a while. Yeah, but to see Kevin O 'Leary and say, yeah, the guy from Shark Tank, he should have a major part in this. And then have it work perfectly. Yeah. I love the fearlessness with which you guys say, wait a minute, that's the face. That's the person. And I think you're seeing something in them that you think is, as you said, it's all a documentary. This is this Marty Supreme movie is based on a guy. Loosely. Very loosely. Loosely. Very, very loosely.

31:19Inspired by. Inspired by. But it's a completely fictitious tale. And then what you guys do, what you've done is you've extracted the essence of these people somehow. And they're perfect in those moments. Yeah. I always, when I meet somebody, I'm just, I want to see the best in them, you know? And I, and, um, and I'm, I admire people who are centered, like people who are kind of there invisible to themselves because I, I'm not, uh, but I, but I do, I, I, I admire people who are like iconic. They're iconically them. There's a guy in the movie who plays Abel's like side, his friend, who's also in Uncut Gems and his name is Mitchell Wennig.

32:04And he met him at a diner in 2007 or something. And I always wanted to put him in something. And Benny and I put him in a short and then we put him in Gems. And I stay in touch with him. He shows up in the Sandler special. And he worked for HUD, the housing department in New York City. And then his hobby is he's an autograph collector. This guy is in the movie. And I saw him hovering and waiting outside Gwyneth's trailer with a folder and glossy images of her from Emma. And I said, Mitchell, what are you doing? He goes, you think it's inappropriate? I said, you're a co-star. You want me to get the autograph?

32:45He's like, no, I really want to be the one to get it because there's a specific place where she has to sign. But what I love about him, he doesn't sell. So he's different from the guys who are selling stuff nonstop and making sure it's here and there. And he was, you know, good friends with Johnny. Anyway, he is, I love being around him. I genuinely like, you know, his point of view on life. I find it so refreshing, everything he has to say. And I am, you know, moved by people who are iconically themselves. So how do I get it? How do I do it? What is I, I mean, I just, I don't know. I just see somebody and I see them for their essence.

33:23And I believe that if you know someone really well, these interviews help and getting to know them and making them feel comfortable. That's like so much of directing is just making people feel, I mean, that's you had to do, still have to do it. And then they can get into a space where they can be without starting to sound like evil, manipulate it, but they can be - But that is your job to manipulate them. They can be led into situations. Right. And then having someone like Timmy, I can actually work with him through him sometimes. And I don't put marks down on the floor or anything. And Darius, my cinematographer, is like master lighter, spends three hours.

34:02He's like, no, they have to stand right here. I was like, not if they don't want to, Darius. And I was like, no, trust me. He's like, they have to. I won't be lit if they're over here. I was like, then they're not lit. Then they're not lit over there. And they're standing there, but I'll get them there. And more or less, the blocking that I have, I generally know how this person's going to move. and they will most likely land in that pool of light. But if they don't, it actually helps add, I think, a little bit of realism to the movie because things aren't so perfect. Did you recognize the guy in the cage who's with George Girvin, who's the great ice man from the Spurs?

34:33There's a guy who works in the cage. He's kind of like the, I guess, the greeter. He's the voice of the ping pong parlor. He was, there was a viral video in 2007 of this man on the side of the highway. He was homeless and he had a sign and the guy said, all right, I'll give you a dollar if you use that magical voice that you claim to have. He goes, this is welcome to Demony Vib. Yes, I remember that. Famous. So it was like an early viral sensation. Yeah, yeah. Then he became the man with the golden voice and then he fell on some hard times and Good Morning America called him the man with the so-called golden voice.

35:03He still had the golden voice, but I don't know why all of a sudden it was so-called. And I loved him. I found him to be so special and warm and the voice too. When you cast somebody, you're also casting a voice. which is interesting. Like I put Marianne from Brooklyn from the Stern show. She's the first person you see in the movie and her voice. What's great about Marianne from Brooklyn is she's so beautiful but you hear this voice and they put the crow sound all the time. Fred's like, every time she speaks. But her voice, I find the voice to be beautiful and then you see her and she's beautiful and then you cast her and she's the first face that you see but you hear her first.

35:39Anyway, so I'm casting all of it. But here's the scenario. But what I'm saying is, Sorry, I could talk forever. No, no, but what I'm saying is the scenario that fascinates me is in this world now, post Marty Supreme and Gems, you're gonna have so many big actors. They're gonna be approaching you and saying, oh, come on, Josh, I'd be great for this. I'd be really good for this. And it's Matt Damon and it's Ben Affleck and they're big, yeah, yeah. And I'd be great for it too. And then you have to tell them, guys, it's not you. Well, who's it? Who do we lose it to? Who do we lose it to? You lost it to the guy who came to fix the toilet.

36:1640 minutes ago. He had the snake and he was routing around, but he had the light hit him. And I just knew he had that purity of, I need to get this toilet unclogged and I don't care how much shit I need to handle with my bare hands. And by the way, that guy's playing Jason Bourne too. Yeah, exactly. Also, I'm the safety version of Jason Bourne. But I mean, that is something that I - It happened with Dave Krumholtz actually, cause he was going for the part that Mitchell ended up getting. and his audition was amazing he was great he's a great actor i've always loved him since sums of beverly hills even before then i and he's just a fantastic actor but then he's like you know i saw the movie and i realized oh i lost it to that guy you know what i mean like you're not he paints lines on a parking lot you know he's he's he's uh you know he's i they wanted like this real this real person this guy's essence who yeah yeah as much as that he could emulate it he's not that person.

37:13And, and I think adding a lot of people who you also don't know, but you feel like you know them immediately has this kind of additive effect that you're just in real life. And, and every, every single person to cast, the guy who works in the shoe store, this guy, Lloyd, he's a horse better. He's the great horse better at Aquedug racetrack. And Ratso, who's a friend of mine, who do you, did he, you never crossed paths with him, right? He was not the lampoon at all. I don't think so. So Larry Sloman, he, he was a great writer. He wrote stern's book private parts okay i don't think i know him um but i could i might be best i know i know i'm a very empty man i know who are you by the way and where are we right now he's the guy who plays the uncle oh yeah so he's uh anyway so the backstory that i had for him is that he got the shop uh through his kind of his horse racing obsession yeah and then i tell that to jen and then just like oh we'll look at horse betters so then all of a sudden you're getting It's so amazing.

38:08This is, I mean, this is a, this casting technique, it might change things because it's so effective and powerful and this whole idea of, well, we got to cast someone as the nerd who operates the elevator. Get me all the nerds. And everyone who has got an eight by 10 where they're wearing glasses that's taped in the middle and they're like, whoa. They just line up. By the way, I just learned what the word geek is. You know what a geek is? Well, I know what I think a geek is. what is no but like i just i was talking to ronnie and he was he casually mentioned like he was talking he's reading a book about the circus oh yeah oh yeah yeah a geek is the person who like bites the heads off of chickens oh yes oh that kind of geek yeah yeah and that must be circus geek yeah circus geek there must be some correlation between it somehow became nerdy yeah it's like no it's not it's original it's original derivation is not nerd it's not nerd nerds are smart geeks are not smart geeks are totally outside society and they're what's a dweeb then well dweeb is very different yeah what is a dweeb well i'll tell you because i have long experience that's why i'm asking i don't know i have no idea i like to pretend i know instantly well there was a great all there was a great in living color sketchers like a geek a dweeb or a spaz and you had to pick yeah and i remember that as a kid i loved it anyway sorry going back to why did i say geek oh you're talking about the tape yeah and and but let's let's get back to let's get back to the center of the movie timothy yeah uh is um he's spectacular and also this is something he did last year in the uh bob dylan but is it he went off and learned how to play uh guitar in a very specific way that uh mimicked how dylan was playing guitar in those in those early village years and got it down just right, which is no easy thing to do.

40:06No, not at all. Then for Marty Supreme. I mean, if there's any voice you want to emulate, Dylan's probably the easiest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maria Callas, not so much. I lost that part. I don't know why. But when you get to Timothy playing table tennis, he's so convincing. And I found out later on that, yeah, you can do things, I guess, with CGI or whatever. But he really spent a long time getting great at this. And I started to realize he's built like a table tennis guy. He's absolutely so wiry and kinetic and he's got so much energy that it's the perfect sport for him to play. I don't know if that went into.

40:54I think he would like to imagine that he could be an NBA basketball player, but sure, table tennis. No, I don't tell him I said that. No, no, no, I won't. Tell him I said, oh, yeah, Lakers. The first one of the first, you know, the inspirations for the movie was this character that my wife, who's a producer on the movie, got this book that was an autobiography memoir about this wiry kind of. There was a bunch of these intense outsiders who hung out at this table tennis parlor, midtown New York. A footnote of history was interesting. It was owned by the first black business owner in the Times Square district.

41:29That's who his name is Herwald Lawrence. And that's who George Grubbin plays. But at this place, which my great uncle played at, he said there was like an orphanage for outcasts. And they were all these wiry kind of proto ADD, super smart people who got terrible grades because they just did not care for school. astrophysicists and criminals, Motley Crue. And I saw, I was like, I immediately when I was reading, I was like, I want to know what these guys looked like. And I typed in like 1949 British Open. And I immediately see these guys, young guys, wire, wiry, bouncing all over the place. And I immediately called Timmy and I was like, this is the project we can do together.

42:06And I said it weirdly. I don't know why I was like so fearful of the idea of period. So I put it to Peter Gabriel and I have the touch that that feeling time I like is the rush hour because I I like the touch, the rush. And that was the beginning of it. And I just thought, I was like, if there's any sport, this would be perfect for Timmy. And he spent like seven years. I remember he played me early on. Seven years? Six years, six years. Six years. Yeah, because he was doing it in tandem with Dylan. And I remember he played me and my wife. We went to see him. He played, he was just starting to learn guitar.

42:38He didn't know how to play guitar when he started doing Dylan at all. And he's like, oh, I want to play you a Dylan song. And I wish I could remember the song. I remember him playing and me looking at my wife and I was like, it's going to be a rough one. You know, it was like, he was like, well, that was good. Right. I was like, you're amazing, man. That was, that was something. And I meant it was something. There's only one answer to that question. Yeah. Yeah. That was something. But that's what people said to Dylan originally. But then I watched him like over the years in tandem with table tennis.

43:05And he started training with this guy who was like the youngest of US champion, this guy, Michael Landers, who was on a Wheaties box at one point. uh maybe it was not Wheaties but it was another cereal brand anyway he I watched him train and he got the mechanics good and then when by the time he I linked him with these this husband wife team Diego Scoff and his wife Wei Wang uh who she was an Olympian who he did because I read that he did Forrest Gump and I was like I mean whoever did Forrest Gump I loved as a kid I loved that section which is inspired by an amazing true story uh in the 70s that broke down the communication between China and the U.S.

43:43Right. It was through - Help-thaw relations. Yeah. It was through table tennis. It was like hippie guy, missed his bus in Tokyo in the 70s and or the 60s and got onto the Chinese bus and they hadn't seen an American person. So now there's this like long haired guy and he's like, hey, peace and love everybody. And the number one player in the world goes up to him, gives him a gift. The guy gives him a gift back and that made news. And then Mao was invited the team to China and then that broke and then Nixon was like, all right. And then it became known as ping pong diplomacy. Nixon visited shortly after.

44:17And I didn't know that story until I was doing research for this, but you watch Forrest Gump and you assume all of that sequence when, you know, when he's like showing up like Zelig and all the world history. But anyway, so how did I get on that? Oh, ping pong Diego, who did Forrest Gump, when they met with him, you know, Diego has this incredible so diego is is helping to instruct timothy he's gonna way is gonna his wife is gonna teach him how to play better because the mechanics had to be perfect right and diego's gonna be the choreographer consultant and he has this incredible recorded like library of footage of going back to the 80s of these amazing games so we combed through all of those and built each point the narratives of each point it's unbelievable and we yeah it was really yeah so the games i imagine the i hope the games are really engaging and entertaining games are thrilling yeah they are they're they're thrilling to watch and you know again what adds to it is that marty's desperately wanting to be the best and show everybody yeah actually probably knows i am the best and i need to show everybody i'm the best and i will do anything i love the guinness book of world records i've always loved i was fascinated with that when i was a kid because it's amazing because you'd be like, wow, this guy's the best at this thing.

45:34He can hold his breath for three and a half minutes while like balancing a ball on his head. You know, there's something really beautiful about the desire to have a place in the sun, basically. It's a car, like, and everybody, and then dreams in particular are fascinating to me because they're, and I told the story kind of like a heist film, you know, but it's like dreams as heists. You're like trying to control your own fate. And I think that kind of adds to a little bit, level of suspense. It's like you're watching somebody, you know, his dream is totally ridiculous to 99.9 % of the people he meets.

46:09And every moment that people do not buy into his dream or, and every moment he fails is approbation to them. So it's like the whole, every time he gets set back in the movie, I think what I like to hear is people really feel that. And it adds a level of tension to it, but it's about a guy who really just wants to be the greatest table tennis player, which doesn't really get him. There's been, there's a lot of things about Marty that's unlikable, you know, very brash, very rude, um, cutting corners left and right, throwing people under the bus if he has to. And yet there's not a person watching that movie who isn't rooting for him.

46:46And I find that to be really fascinating. And that, that's the sleight of hand that I think is really magical about, you know, well, you have to give somebody, I think love is more important than likability. And I, I believe that those moments that you are connecting with him are, are kind of pure and they are, because they're pure, they have a feeling of love attached to them. Like liking is more of a casual thing. Uh, and look, you know, I, I, and I think that he's out chasing happiness, desperately chasing happiness and happiness is a very fleeting kind of haunted feeling happiness is very is kind of sad in a way because it's so hard to to achieve it's trying to grab smoke exactly exactly and i think that there is something sympathetic to it but i think his youth i think when you're young the concept of consequences so it's it's so small because the world is so big and because it's so big there's so many different options well that didn't work i can go over here and i think that that youth is also kind of a little bit of the movie is kind of about being an idiot in your 20s yeah you know what i mean oh my god and also confidence he yes oh my god yeah this guy you need confidence this guy who uh talks his way into all these situations and then he's in a big room uh and he's in london i think yeah and which one in the dining hall with kevin o 'leary when he comes up or well it's with uh he sees um gwyneth yeah paltrow's character come in so this extraordinarily beautiful woman comes in and he sees her and he's like yep gonna call her up and uh and then i he well his start her stardom is like it's so interesting to him he's just like wow she burns bright and he and and distract he's upset the beginning he's upset with the it's the press conference that he's manipulated he's upset that they're not paying attention to him in this moment because he has everything totally figured out he knows how he's going to get he's going to say the things that are going to get a rise out of these people.

48:42So they're going to want to write a piece about him. Then he's going to be proud of his little, I used to walk around with a little village voice clipping when I would do my research and I'd pull it out to show somebody like I'm a serious filmmaker. Check it out. Look at my little village voice clipping. And in hindsight, I was so proud of those little clippings in hindsight. It's probably kind of pathetic. You know what I mean? I'm like showing this tiny little clipping and I'm like, trust me, give me some money to make this movie. Look at me. I was in the village voice and like, the minute someone pulls a clipping out of their wallet, you've lost the argument.

49:12but he but it's but it's but it's endearing when he when marty does it in the movie with gwyneth and i think that like the magic with time i've been able to kind of you know it was tragic but it's comedic you know what is the um comedy's tragedy plus time like that feels it that i think that's what makes that funny is that it's so tragic that he is that way but he's so confident that it kind of down downplays and i think his confidence is is interesting to people i think makes people are motivated to kind of want to root for him. Plus there's a little bit of a trick happening where you, it's the sporting elements.

49:45You're forced to root for him. Yes. You know, like any, I don't know any, I don't understand anyone who watches sports casually. Like you have to have a narrative. You have to have a team that you root for. There's stories inside of that so that you can invest yourself in the game just to like, that's why I think people love gambling so much. Cause it's like, Oh, I get to watch the sport and have something that I really want out of it yeah and uh i think that that that does help a little bit in the movie i think you feel like you really have to root for him now let's let's go to 10 000 feet google earth out of this whole thing this movie now it's a word i was really there just now yeah no i'm gonna go even higher and talk about actually talk about plate tectonics um but no we uh movie award season Are you chill during these situations where you're going to go to, depending on when this airs, but it's still going to be award season, I think, when this comes out?

50:39And are you able to go and be somewhat detached? Or is every fiber of your being hope that you come home with a big award? Oh, my God, no. Part of the inspiration for this movie was the feeling that I had after finishing Uncut Gems. You have this like 10 year journey where you're filtering your entire life through these characters. You're trying to understand your life through fiction and you're writing, you're creating these characters and maybe you can change the way you feel. And like, oh, that's why, why I did this, said this to my girlfriend or whatever, did this to my buddy. And I woke up every morning.

51:15I had this and I was like, I got to get Adam Sandler. And then finally, you're making the movie with a decent budget and with Adam Sandler. And then it's done. and then I finished the movie and I'm showing it. And the pandemic's like around the corner unknowingly. And someone said, what's next? And I started to cry because I was like, I didn't know I had this hollow feeling because this thing that was like my drive every single day was gone. Didn't you contemplate maybe being an architect? I did. How do you know that? I ask around. I walk around alleys with Abel Ferrara. Give people$20. What's the word?

51:49What's the word on Josh? Well, I said to Ronnie, I said to Ronnie, I said, I don't even know if I want to do this anymore. And he was like, whoa, you're my writing partner. What do you mean? And I was like, I do. I would love to one day build a building. That's like my big dream. I like the feeling of a narrative of a building of going in and experiencing and having something happen inside, going out the back and coming through. And then like forever that area you have like a relationship. Yeah. But so I've had that hollow feeling when I shouldn't have had a hollow feeling. I should have felt incredible.

52:18Should have felt like I did this thing i should have felt a sense of accomplishment but i didn't and that feeling as you see that at the end of marty a little bit you know that he finally does this thing but it's for who for himself for what yeah and dreams are really lonely so that i have that now i can't i'm not gonna lie i feel like this and it's yeah and i'm yeah next is the is the i'm gonna contact burger king about designing their new uh because i think that there needs to be more aesthetics in fast food i don't like the direction of that the fast food has gone in. You know what's gonna happen?

52:49You're gonna go into the Burger King cause you want to design a better Burger King. And you're gonna see someone working the fryer and go, that face! You're the next Myrna Loy! Myrna Loy? The fuck is Myrna Loy? But I do feel like, so right now, I'm just having a slightly disassociative feeling. Kind of like you made this really personal thing. It's connecting with people and audiences. It's yeah, deservedly so. I was once at a film festival and they, in Poland. And these were like a lot of very small art films. And I was there, a movie, tiny movie that me and my brother made. And there's other movies that we like.

53:25And they sat us all in one room. He said, one of you will be leaving with 200 ,000 euro. And it's, you look to your right and look to your left and it might be them and it might not be you. And all of a sudden everyone's looking at each other like, oh, you get competitive. Yeah. And they're like, holy shit. And it was horrible. I didn't like that. I thought I was coming to this festival to share this thing, get to see Poland. Then that volcano happened. Remember the volcano eruption that no one could say the name of that volcano? And then all of a sudden, all of the U.S. judges who were supposed to come in and be a part of the government were grounded in America.

53:58So I'm like, oh, shoot, our best. You know, Benny and I are figuring out how now we're not going to win because we had these U.S. judges. So then we partnered with another filmmaker. We're like, all right, if you win, which we thought they had another great movie. If you win, let's share the money. And he was like, that's a deal. done and then you know you get there and you're just looking at everybody and the competition thing is kind of weird that said it's nice to win you know what i mean oh no some of the polish film because they only could use polish people and the jury i see you thought this was going to a place like and we won yeah let's hey do me a favor josh sorry let's do a rewrite yeah no no no you won but you wanted it was interesting is that they they said we really wanted to go and visit auschwitz and they said, you know, okay, well, you know, there's a bit of a situation because, because there was this volcano, things are really scrambled.

54:50We can't really get people, all the people who want to go to go at once. So we're going to go at 2 PM. So we went at 2 PM, you drive, we get there. And this woman who ran like another film festival was like, oh man, I didn't realize I had this screening at 6 PM. It's not like 4 PM. It takes like an hour to get back. And they were like, she's like, can we do an abridged version of this tour? And I'm looking at this bridge version of tour of Auschwitz and they're like well it takes like three hours to walk it and the woman's like can we do the hour version and I'm like look at this person and we're literally like running through Auschwitz that's where they that's where they experimented on the fetuses this is where they did this and that's where they did and we're looking around and then the alternative if you won to the 200 ,000 euros you can get 2 million euros to make a movie that takes place in like in in Poland.

55:36So that was going to be the movie was going to be this comedy that took place at Auschwitz about the tourism industry. But difficulty of the dive. That's your I always judge a project by difficulty of the dive. You know, your comedy about Auschwitz is pretty good. Wow. Well, listen, I have to say, I wish you all the best because I really did. love this movie, as did so many other people. And I wish you well. And I think you're the real deal. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much. That was amazing.

56:23The Disney Plus, Hulu, HBO Max Bundle, the best in entertainment in one bundle. This month, stream Pixar's blockbuster family hit, Hoppers, on Disney+. The hit horror comedy, Send Help on Hulu. And season three of the HBO original series, House of the Dragon, on HBO Max. Get the Disney +, Hulu, HBO Max Bundle today. All of these and more streaming soon. Available with Disney+. Hulu, Max Bundle plans starting at$19.99 a month. Terms apply. Visit DisneyPlusHuluMaxBundle.com for details.

57:03Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype? Yeah, like all the time. Yeah, I did that with an all-potato restaurant. Oh, no.

57:15Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great, like impressions, but then they don't see revenue. You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Sean? Oh, yeah, all the time. Yeah, LinkedIn has a word for that. Bull spend. Bull spend. Yeah, instead you can get the highest ROAS of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads. Cut the bull spend. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend$250 and get a$250 credit. Go to linkedin.com slash Conan. Terms apply.

57:50Okay, I have a burning issue I'd like to discuss. Oh, it's burning. No, no, not that. Creams have solved that issue. And various ointments, salves, and related balms. But that's not the point. The point is there's something real that's happening in the world. Sona, why don't you tell the good people what I like to have maybe three days out of the week. You like to have what was formerly known as the Hayley Bieber smoothie from Erewhon. Yes. And so Erewhon makes this smoothie. It only costs$800. You need a co-signer at the bank. But you get this smoothie. It's very delicious. And it's got various flaxes and resins, bombs and ointments, aforementioned.

58:34It's got all kinds of stuff in it, but tastes good. And I really like it. I don't get it all the time, but I get it maybe twice. maybe three times a week, sometimes on a busy week. And your skin looks great. It's been so good for my skin. And it is called the Haley Bieber smoothie. Right. Very recently, David went out and grabbed me one and he came back and he was pale as a ghost. Ashen. I just, what happened? And he said, it's no longer called the Haley Bieber smoothie. He looked up for it on the board. It's not there. There's not even an indicator like this is what you used to buy or formerly known as?

59:09No, her name's not there. It's no longer called the Hailey Bieber smoothie. I think it's called... The strawberry glaze smoothie. So there's just no name associated with it. Right. There's no celebrity name. And I don't trust any product that doesn't have a celebrity name. Oh. I'm very hardcore about that. Do you know what I mean? If I'm going to grill something, it's got to be on the George Foreman grill. Will you just do any rockin' New Year's Eve or only Dick Clark's rockin'? Only Dick Clark's. And God rest his soul, I won't. If someone says, hey, let's rock this Eve, I'm like, yeah, but it's not going to be just a generic rock.

59:46It's got to be the Dick Clark New Year's Rockin' Eve. So I am very much attached to celebrity endorsement. It's the only kind of product that I really want or that I trust. So this has been a blow. And I do think there needs to be a celebrity name attached to that smoothie. And so this message is going out to the good people at Erewhon. I know that you must be devastated. My guess is that they had Haley Bieber under contract for a certain amount of time and it expired. Yeah. And so now they're back to just old raspberry glaze. Strawberry. Okay, whatevs. Do you know what I mean? But I don't want to walk up to the counter and say I'll have just some strawberry glaze.

1:00:29Boring. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Where are you headed with this? I think we all know. I think we do. You need a celebrity attached to this, and it needs to be someone who... Young. Young compared. Relevant. Young compared. Hold on. It's all relative. Young compared to, say, people that were serving when Pearl Harbor was bombed. I think it's all relative. It's got to be a whippersnapper, which means anyone under 70. It's a real hit. I just wanted... Eduardo pulled it up, and just to chime in, it's... Technically, it looks like the name is the Strawberry Glaze Skin Smoothie. Yes. Okay. Okay, I'm going somewhere with this.

1:01:05Thanks, nerd. Well, I just wanted to say that I think whoever they choose next, whether it be you or somebody else, they're going to want to be their model for the skin. Yes, yes, okay. And this is why some people listening are like, oh, that's going to be a problem for what Conan's about to pitch. No, no, no, no, no. It's all the more reason. A lot of people associate Conan O 'Brien with, oh, his super quick wit. Hmm, you know, those bedroom eyes. The eye vein The eye vein that has been in a bedroom

1:01:40The hair, the pompadour You know, all that kind of stuff, whatever First of all, I have a kind of strawberry look Yes, I do have that And I do have beautiful skin It really does glow It really does Because you can see light through it I, you can see my skeletal structure. Okay. I am the visible woman. And so I'm just saying I'm a pretty big name. And yeah, am I young? No, I'm not young. But also I'm one of those people you're like, you're not really sure how old that guy is. It's true. If you don't have immediate access to the internet. So, and I behave in a very youthful manner. I'm very immature.

1:02:28Yeah. So all I'm saying is I am willing to lend my name. And when I say lend, yes, there will be financial compensation. But I am willing to throw my hat into the ring because I'm sure other celebrities are pitching this hard. I know for a fact that Paul Rudd was in there two days ago, just screaming at them to call it the Paul Rudd. And that is a death knell for that. Does it have to be that one? Or are you open to naming any one of their other? This is my opening. It's a very popular smoothie, Eduardo. Why would you cock block me with this? They have like a whole bunch more. Let's see what we got here.

1:03:06All right. They have an incessant bits smoothie? That should be you. Yeah. Wow. There's an incessant bits smoothie that they already have, and it says made with real comedy bits. You should choose the always on. I feel like this has to be it, because this is the one you drink all the time. Oh, look. Perfect Amino Choco Revive. By Gary Brecka. That one's got a name. Gary Brecka. Yeah, I would do this. I'm sorry, if they're putting Carrie Brecka's name on a smoothie, then my, yes? I think he's like a longevity expert. Oh, yeah, okay. Buh, we'll see. Yeah, exactly. Let's see, Gorgy Cherry Crush. I mean, if it's not, I'm putting my name in for this because there's a void.

1:03:49But if it has to be another smoothie, we can talk about that later, but you've opened a whole can of worms here. Yeah, I think this makes sense because you... I enjoy it. Yeah, you're red. I'm plugging it right now. I am red. I have luminous skin. Yeah. I am married to Justin Bieber. You're like, if you can't get Hailey Bieber, you seem like the obvious second choice to Hailey Bieber. Yes. So that makes sense. Yes. I think, I actually think it would serve them well. But can't you see people saying, I want the Conan O 'Brien? I want the Conan O 'Brien. Be honest. Can you see them doing that? I actually would.

1:04:25I'm not even joking. I think that Erwan should name this smoothie after you. But wait, when you say compensation, like, what do you mean? Like, do you want like$200? I'm not fucking around here, okay? First of all, I would get my representation involved and I would just start to hammer Erwan. And I mean hammer them. Okay, but that might not work. But first of all, I'd go in and I'd say, what did Hayley Bieber get? They would give an amount and I'd say, I get 80 % more. I've been around a lot longer. I think I have even better skin than her. It glows more. No. What? No, but you don't. Are you at all worried?

1:05:00You don't have better skin. Don't yuck my yum. Are you worried at all? You're not using it right. You know, Lazenby followed Connery for Bond. Yeah. Lazenby was great. Lazenby did a good job. He did. A lot of people, when you say James Bond, they think Lazenby. Oh, boy. They don't think. No, he's one of the best Bonds, and he's one of the Bonds people think about the most, even though he only did for Her Majesty's Secret Service. Or on Her Majesty's Secret Service. Okay. but wouldn't it be like going from Sean Connery to like that's what he just said are you high right now are you high Sean Connery to Mickey Rooney yes thank you well no I was thinking someone even older oh older than Sean Connery Mickey Rooney was long dead and was old before he died really old yeah but like you know like I don't know Abraham Lincoln we're like Have you seen Lincoln's skin?

1:05:58Very dry. Look at those Brady portraits. He's got very dry skin. I just think there's so many young people that go that know Hailey Bieber. I'm not saying young people don't know you because I know young people know you. Oh, they know Conan O 'Brien and they have to deal with Conan O 'Brien. They have to accept him as a reality. I don't even know what I'm saying now. I know, but why? Why do they have to deal with you? I'm like gravity. You got to deal with me sooner or later. I'm gravity I will get you sooner or later There's no escaping this Conan O 'Brien He's not even my generation What if this actually does turn into Erewhon coming back And saying let's do this Great Also when I said great I meant great for Erewhon Great for them Great for anyone who likes a good smoothie And wants to see it succeed Because I bet there are a lot of people like me Who need a celebrity endorsement to really trust a product.

1:06:53Let me ask you this. Okay. Let's say they come back to you and they're like, we want to change it to Conan O 'Brien, the Conan O 'Brien smoothie. We feel we need to lower the price a little. We need to reduce the price by about 90%. You having a good laugh over there? I removed most of the good ingredients. How you doing over there, Chuckles? It's just crushed ice and some unpasteurized milk. with sprinkles with a swirl of asbestos. We got real 1950s asbestos and swirled it in. Listen, I accept the realities of the marketplace. Cheetos dust. I am a capitalist and I believe in the, I live and die by the capitalist system.

1:07:35So I accept the realities of the marketplace. Am I as attractive as Hailey Bieber? No, I am not. Am I as vital? Am I as much a hero to the young people? I get it. I'm not. So yes, it'd be a price reduction. Yes, they would probably have to discontinue some of the really good stuff that's in there and replace it with, I'll just say, older stuff. Same ingredients, but they're like weeks old. No, not weeks old. What if they change the name? They're all... All the ingredients have to be from the Kennedy administration. Yeah, but I mean... Milk that's still left over from the Kennedy administration.

1:08:16Wouldn't you change the name of it, though? Instead of just being the Conan O 'Brien smoothie, wouldn't it be something a little bit more fun? Like the, I don't know. What do you mean? He needs that name recognition. I need the name. Okay. People want the name. Maybe you could have a descriptor in the name of who you are. And then, like in parentheses, he hosted a show for a long time. Your parents would know who he is or something like, I don't know. No, no, this is a bummer. Ask your parents. Ask your parents smoothies. No, Sona. This is not what we're doing. It's just ground up K rations with the metal tin included.

1:08:47Yeah, yeah. I don't know. We took Korean War rations, put them in a blender. We found some government issue peanut butter from 1963. And some Lucky Strike cigarettes.

1:09:07Listen, I get it. Yes, you are right. There have to be some adjustments to the product. I understand that. These Erewhon people aren't dumb. They'll do the right thing. And I get it. I have some humility, but I will replace Haley Beaver and it will be the Conan O 'Brien smoothie. I'm going to make this happen. To be continued, I hope so. Yeah. All right. If the ball's in your court, Erewhon, if that's even a real name. Conan O 'Brien needs a friend. with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes.

1:09:51Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

1:09:58Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan.

1:10:33And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

1:10:48This episode of Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend is brought to you by six all new McCafe drinks at McDonald's. You're a McDonald's lover, Sona. I know that. Love my Mickey D's, boo. Many times you and I would be in the car together and you would say, let's hit McDonald's. I'm talking six new all-McCafe drinks. Did you know that? Six. Crafted sodas made with your favorite sodas and topped with velvety cold foam, like a Sprite Berry Blast made with Sprite and blue raspberry syrup. Don't miss the dirty Dr. Pepper and Orange Dream 2. And there are refreshers made with fruit flavors and add-ins like popping boba and freeze-dried dragon fruit.

1:11:28Try the Blackberry Passion Fruit Refresher, Mango Pineapple Refresher, or the strawberry watermelon refresher with freeze-dried strawberries. Man, McDonald's is off the charts. Yeah, baby. There you go. Try the all-new McCafe drinks now at McDonald's or at Sonicles at McKay Days.

1:11:52When you're on a GLP-1, you often experience a smaller appetite. That means for GLP-1 users, every bite of food should be as nutritious and delicious as possible. and that's where Sprouts Farmers Market comes in. I knew they'd come in somewhere and I guess now's where they come in. From nutrient-dense foods to proteins to supplements that help sustain muscle mass and energy levels, Sprouts has you covered. And with in-store wellness experts available, guidance is always within reach for any GLP-1 journey or broader health goals. Visit Sprouts.com to find a Sprouts Market near you.