Limp Paddle With Special Guest D’Arcy Carden

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0:42Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype? Yeah, like all the time. Yeah, I did that with an all-potato restaurant. Oh, no. Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great, like impressions, but then they don't see revenue. You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Sonia? Oh, yeah, all the time. Yeah, LinkedIn has a word for that, bull spend. Bull spend. Yeah, instead you can get the highest ROAS of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads. Cut the bull spend. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend$250 and get a$250 credit. Go to linkedin.com slash Conan.

1:23Terms apply.

1:27Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hello, folks. Hi, Derek. Welcome to Conan Needs a Fan with special guest Darcy Cardin. Yay, Darcy. Derek, how are you? I'm doing well. Good to see you. Okay, so you can see us. You can see us and we can see you. Yes. Oh, yeah. That's what I was waiting for. Derek, where are you calling from? I'm in Mountain View, California. Very nice. I've been there. Have you been to Mountain View? Is that where Shoreline is? Shoreline Amphitheater? Yeah, Shoreline Amphitheater. So you know things by theater.

2:07Yes, yes, yes. Well, I saw Lollapalooza there when I was in junior high at the Shoreline. I'm confirming this right now. Lollapalooza? Yeah, in like 90 freaking something. Oh, okay. At the Shoreline. Yeah. He's kind of saying it like, oh, she's wrong, but I'm right. interesting but i'm right i i thought i i thought that was a chicago show but maybe maybe that maybe i it used to travel yeah no but we got off on the wrong no that's great something no no that's wonderful darcy normally i would say no no no darcy i would say that pretty much anything anyone adds is valuable um this has been a diarrhea cul-de-sac absolute diarrhea that's what i do It was perfect.

2:53No notes. No notes. Great, great, great. There are no mistakes. Except that one. Derek, I understand that you're somehow related to the world of pinball, but I don't know in what way. Yes. Well, I want to talk about that. One quick thing I wanted to say is not only am I connected to the pinball, but I am also connected to you in ways that I think I would just like to lay it out there. My case that, of course, I am a fan, but in some universe, I probably could be a friend at some point. And I have three connections in particular. I just wanted to highlight real quick. So today I was listening to your latest or one of your latest, the Judd Apatow Returns.

3:27Judd Apatow, longtime collaborator of his is Amanda Glaze, went to high school with me. So that's one. Second, I am very good friends with Randy and Jason Sklar. Two times shown on your show, 2011, 2022. I'm sorry, 2020. And then the third. Can I say something? Number three better be really good. Really, really good. I'm just being honest with you. Okay. Yes. Last one. You won't say to a toffee bar, I'm holding a chocolate bar that sometimes is mixed with toffee. Okay, this one I do think is... I mean, it's got to be good. The pressure's really on. I think it's pretty good. I think it's pretty good.

3:59And you can rate it however you see fit. But in 2007, my wife roomed with Kesha, your friend, at Columbia University for a summer program where my wife's instructor, her professor for that program, was Liza. Okay, that's it. He got there. He got there. Home run. You got there. I'm telling you. You could. Listen, listen. Kesha, very strong because I love Kesha. Kesha and I are, she's my spirit animal. And we talking to the singer Kesha? Yeah. She's amazing. Oh, yeah. No, Kesha's my spirit animal and we're good pals. And I live and breathe all things Kesha. So that was very strong. But then when you pull out that her professor was my wife.

4:43That's. That's nuts. And I remember that summer. Liza was pregnant that summer. Yeah. With me? Yeah, with Darcy. With Darcy. I'm their little baby. Right, right. And you came out and you went, gaga, goo goo, and then winked right to camera. And you were 20. It was just really weird. And you were like, I don't want her. I don't want her. I was like, this is the kid for me. Well, that's amazing. That's very cool. That was really good. Yeah. And Derek, I'm going to get us to pinball because someone told me a little bird Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep. That's what a bird says. Beep? Beep, beep, beep.

5:19Beep, beep. It's a robot bird. Oh, you should have said that then. I think with Darcy here, we aren't gonna get to anything with you, Derek. No, no, I love it. I absolutely, this is great. Yes. Beep, beep. I'm a bird. I'm half a walrish.

5:38It's all broken. Derek, I don't care anymore what your shtick is. I just don't care. We're just here to have a nice conversation. Sure. So, pinball, anything? Ring a bell? Oh, yes. So, yeah. So, pinball, yes. I'm happy to share about it. Actually, because I have a lot to say about it. I wouldn't think so. Not based on how this has gone so far. We'll get to pinball, but first, 95 things. The Sklar brothers once blast you on Broadway. They were on their way to get a sandwich, and you had just come from the Sandwich Islands. Go ahead. No, it was Mendocino Farms. I've got to be clear about it. Okay.

6:15I like Gary. But no, yeah, so pinball, yeah, it's one of my great loves. So I figured I would just give you a little insight into sort of what the competitive pinball landscape kind of looks like. Well, you have an official title, do you not, in the world of pinball? I do. I do. What is that? I'm one of the commissioners of the San Francisco Pinball Department. Huge. It's SFBB. Wow. Okay. So it's a little bit north of me because I'm in Mountain View. San Francisco is about 38 miles north, not to be exact. But the, yeah, the Pinball League, 100 people. We all compete at this lovely print shop that has 50 pinball machines in the front by the name Free Gold Watch.

6:49If you go to San Francisco in the Haight-Ashbury, please go check it out. It's wonderful. But, yeah, it's a match play style of competition where you are randomly put into, like, let's say if this was our group of four, you play five games over the course of the night. You get points based on how you finish each game. So we play the first game. Conan, you get the best score. Darcy, you get the second best score. 7, 5, 3, 1. So you accumulate those points. There's a big finals at the end. And we actually have a former world champion in our league who won the big enchilada back in 2013. OK, Derek, I have some questions that must be answered immediately.

7:22One, how can one play pinball well? I mean, you're very limited because you just have these two flippers you can operate. Right. Well, sometimes more. Oh, okay. Sometimes, okay. But still, how does one become, say, the pinball wizard? Such a supple wrist. A pinball wizard has to be a twist. Yes! What is the twist? I mean, because I know that that guy, even at his favorite table, he can beat my best. Anyway. I'm searching for the next lyric. When he was a cowboy, he once owned a vest. I don't think that was, okay. He thought that he was sick, so he had that special test. Listen, Derek, I don't think there's any time for you today.

8:10I'm sorry. No, no, I'm kidding. We're going to get to this. How does one play pinball well? What would you tell me to do? Well, I think the biggest thing, I think one of the biggest things that I tell people sort of, you know, to try to break down pinball into, I think, what is a key element is patience. And I think one of the things that a lot of people do, you know, for most people, it is a very random thing, right? You play pinball, you put your money in, the ball goes, it kind of goes where it goes. You're sort of at the whim of physics. And I'll just cut in and say, I bash a lot. I'm a basher.

8:41So the ball gets near my flipper and I'm just bashing away. That is wrong. That's not what I should be doing, correct? Well, not necessarily. So, and this is something I also wanted to talk about is, you know, a lot of people think that you are not allowed, like that it's cheating to move the table, right? Not against the rules. You can do stuff to the table? I thought it said tilt, tilt, and you were disqualified. So that's the natural consequence if you move it too much. So you got to know the sort of cadence of the game in order to move it how you need to. Because sometimes the ball is coming straight down the middle.

9:15You got to do something. Right, there's nothing you can do. Sometimes you get out of the middle. Yeah, yeah. Well, there's one thing you can do is give that game a good shake, and then you can make it happen. So if I shake it, it won't say tilt? You might, if you do it too hard. But you got to know this part of being a professional. Yes, yes. You got to have like that finesse. Wow. But yeah, but the patience element that I wanted to mention was in terms of, you know, when the ball comes to the flippers, I think it's very, and I'll demonstrate here. The most nerve-wracking thing in my life is this part.

9:42Is that as soon as it gets down there, you just start going crazy. You're just trying to get the ball right back up to the top, which is, you know, natural inclination. A lot of times, one of the key skills I think you want to build is what's called the dead flip. And the dead flip is essentially you watch that ball. If you see that it's coming to one of the flippers, you let it strike that flipper without flipping and let the natural carom of the ball go to the other flipper. And maybe even hold that ball. Then you can cradle it, you know, hold it in sort of stationary position or, you know, just at least get a slower shot off.

10:14So you can control your pace of play. So you cradle the ball. You can cradle the ball, yes. And then you hold it. And then you let it go. Then you let it go. And you let it go. And then you let it go to flip. on the flipper and you're going to hit the ramp. You're going to hit the ramp. Well, you kind of like go do-flip. And then flip-a-loo. She's right on it. Yeah, but I think I do have that patience. I think I could be a part of this. I'm going to meet you at Free Gold Watch. Yes, well, and there's plenty of great leagues in L.A. as well. And also, this is something I know about Darcy just from previous conversations we've had, that she's from the Bay Area originally.

10:49So this would be a natural for you to go to this place, play this game. You have the patience. I'm not a patient man. Right, right, right. I'm just going to say that I'm not a patient man. It's good to know that about yourself. And I'm a rough person. I bash things. I smash them like a gorilla. Yeah. With a Samsonite suitcase in an ad in 1966. That's me. Wonderful. Yeah. That would be a problem, but I would be willing to manage Darcy if you quit everything you're doing in show business and went 24-7 hard on, I would sponsor you. You would? Yeah. Okay. But no acting, no more of your success. You say goodbye to all that because this is the future now.

11:30There's no time for that. I honestly love it. I love pinball. Good. That's an agreement. Okay, great. So I'll sign right here. Conan O 'Brien. I'm an attorney as well. I'm a witness. I can notice it. Yeah, yeah. So this is fascinating. Is there any cheating? Do people ever mess with the game? Have you ever caught someone who has infiltrated the game, maybe tweaked it in a way? Added another ball. Oh, yeah. I said that like it's easy to do. It's not easy to do that. I mean, that wasn't what I was thinking, but I wasn't getting that specific. Right. Sure. Yeah. Well, there's definitely things I'd say I'd say in terms of, you know, I guess, conduct issues that you might encounter.

12:15You know, if our officials who we have players who act as officials during the league nights and during the tournaments, if they see, you know, basically like bad behavior, like trying to distract players. sometimes like playing in a way that is meant to kind of like, you know, pull their eyeline away, like kind of stand on their side. Oh, can I ask you a question? Is there trash talking? Is there trash talking? There is, there is, but I'd say, you know, you, you gotta, just like any, any area, you gotta know your audience, right? So I think, I think there's probably most of the trash talk is between, you know, people who really are, are just playing hard and want to have fun.

12:49Sometimes, yeah, if, if there is trash talk, the tournament directors have extraordinary discretion. to give warnings or to just ban or exclude someone from a tournament if they think that they're just not conducive to the environment. What would be an example of acceptable? You got a limp paddle. Right, right, right. But that's okay. Yeah, can you say you got a limp paddle? That's your paddle's so limp. Can you say you got a limp paddle? Do you ever say you got a limp paddle? That's a new one. I mean, I think you could bring a lot to the trash talk game with that. I'm pretty good at trash talking.

13:19But is it just like, probably no swearing, right? No F, no S, no B, no A. Good God. Very good. I mean, W is fine. W is fine. But no, I'd say with that, there's actually a fair amount of tolerance, or at least I've seen people who have really big reactions. And even then, as long as it's genuine, sort of like it's in the heat of passion, it's not really directed in sort of a really malicious way. I think you might get a warning just like, hey, just try to keep it cool, but you're not going to get banned for that. And so, yeah, so I think, you know, there's levels to it as with any sort of group activity that way.

13:59But in terms of the game, yeah, the adulteration of the game, I'd say is probably unlikely. There's, I mean, there's maybe one thing that actually happens when you say fixing the game, you mean it's hard to get in there and adjust the electronics. Yes, yeah, like, or, yeah, like, you would have to, like, especially, Sona, to your suggestion, in terms of adding balls or something like that, that would require you to remove the glass Unless you like drilled a hole in the side. No, but that's what I'm talking about. Someone coming in the night before, being lowered on ropes like Tom Cruise. Right.

14:27And then, you know, lifting the glass off with little suction cups and then inserting another ball and then maybe some other stuff in there, trimming a wire, doing this or that. That gives you the advantage. Yeah, but then also the next person that uses, it's not your... It blows up after you. Oh, oh, oh. It's self-destructs. Right, right. And then you win. You win because no one else can play it.

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18:38but I just did it slowly so you could really understand. Disclaimer, please do not throw your phone into the Grand Canyon.

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19:16On the subject of specific games, I know there are specific games with specific themes. Yes. Are there games that are thought of as, I used to work on The Simpsons, so obviously I know there's a Simpsons game. Is that game well thought of in the community? Well, there's two. So there's the Simpsons Pinball Party, a much more recent release that actually I think is generally very well liked as a game. And it's got Homer's Garage. It's got a lot of fun. The monorail is there. So you're covered. Hey, should I get money from this? Yeah, I think you should. I mean, you should be checking with your folks.

19:48Yeah. My folks. Why'd you have to bring them up? With your people. They're dead, man. I think you just met your people. But there isn't earlier there isn't there isn't earlier Simpsons Pinball Machines. So that newer one is by Stern Pinball, well-regarded because it's their current manufacturer. Yeah, they're very well-regarded. Was Data East, which is actually sort of a predecessor. Yeah. And it's actually, it's a very fun look. Like the artwork is great. It's, you know, it's got a lot of the call outs of like the voices and whatnot. But it's, in terms of the rule set, like as a pinball game, I think it's generally disliked in a competition setting because there's a, a lot of people call it the big stupid ramp.

20:31Like a lot of games have the big stupid ramp. and so if they are so you can speak to this is this one where wait you were about to tell us about the big stupid ramp but does a second ball come out occasionally on that one I think there's a multi ball yeah this is what Sona was talking about someone rigged the game Matt Groening rigged it like 30 years ago I feel like the big stupid ramp leads it right down the center of the flippers right no it usually will return it to the it's called like a lane return so it'll put it on your flipper so that way you can flip it again usually it's not going to put it in too much danger unless you miss it and then it rolls backwards down the ramp, down the center.

21:06Dad, what about the one where it bounces and then it goes into the one that makes you lose? No fair. Right? Bounces and then makes you lose. Okay. A specific game or are you just talking about generally like... with pinball machines. What's the theme of it? Is it like Sartre? What's the theme of the game? Right before it goes to the paddles, there's one part where it bounces and then it can either go right to where you... There was a Terminator one that I think did that. Yes, where it finishes and you lose Or it goes to the left to the paddles. Derek, is there one where, in the Simpsons one, is there one where, I feel like I played it and you just get so many points if you get it in the right spot.

21:42It goes like... Yeah, well, there is. So actually the nuclear power plant are the bumpers. So if you can get it in the bumper, it won't be necessarily the biggest points. But yeah, you could get lucky and just get a lot of action there. And that, depending on the mode you're in, this is getting deep in the strategy. Well, there is a whole, first of all, it's clear that everyone here was traumatized at one point by a game. Yes, I know, yeah. But the other thing is, these are such vibrant memories for all of us because pinball goes back to, I mean, goes back forever, but it's been around my entire life.

22:15Yes. And so I, we've all had similar experiences where it comes right down the middle, it's out of the reach of both flippers and there's nothing you can do. So heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah, that's the worst stuff. Although now we know there is something you can do. Not if it's going right down the middle. Oh, you're saying tilt the table. Or like maybe bump it with your body? Yeah, well, you can. I didn't know you were allowed to bump it. Me neither. But I mean, the one, okay, so the two things I'll say. One is you might tilt it, right? So the natural penalty for the tilt is you lose your ball. So then it goes on to the next one.