Long In The Leg

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. There's so much water that's almost boiling.

0:42I'm good. How are you guys doing? We're doing great. And you are coming to us, I'm told, from Amsterdam. Yes. Are you a native of Amsterdam? Is that where you're from? Yes. Can you hear by my speech? I'm not good at picking out various accents. So I wouldn't be able to listen to you and say, oh, that's an Amsterdamian accent. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But I do, I was in Amsterdam many years ago shooting a project, and it was one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. The architecture, the people, I was just stunned. You had good weather, I assume. Otherwise, you probably wouldn't have enjoyed it as much.

1:25What makes you think I don't like bad weather? I like rainy weather. I like foggy weather. Your hair would get a little upset with bad weather. Oh, yes, my hair absorbs moisture, and then it gets even bigger. So enough about me, Micah. Yes. It's very nice talking to you, and I'm looking at your, right now, your beautiful Amsterdam home. Everything is very orderly and gorgeous. There's the natural woods, which one does find. Yes. In the northern realms of Europe. Micah, tell us. And everywhere else. They're called trees. Please. No, but ours are very specific. Please, Mike, I've never been more on my game.

2:11And I can't believe you'd interrupt this incredible role. Hmm, natural woods, Micah. I see you have those famous Dutch books. I mean, you have fake wood. Yes, yes. They're made out of paper. Oh! Well, you guys got it all. Very nice. You Dutch and your paper books. Go Kindle or get out, I say. Micah, let me ask you a little bit about yourself. You seem like a lovely person, full of energy, very young. Tell me what you do. I work as a high fashion model. Oh, my God. Well, that makes perfect sense. You are extraordinarily beautiful. So you really are. She's gorgeous. I can't stop looking at your cheekbones.

2:52Thank you. You're not sure if it's like a filter or something, you know? No, no, no, no. And how long have you been a high fashion model for? Is this a thing that you began doing very young? Yes, I started when I was 13 and I'm 30 now, which is, I want to say, old within this industry. Really? So for a very long time. And it used to be normal to be 13 and start modeling, which now doesn't happen anymore. Oh, they don't do that? They make sure that people start a little later on? Yes, there are rules now. I think that's probably good. Well, I will pay you an obvious compliment that just on Zoom, you're, I mean, stunning.

3:33And I don't see why Micah could not model for another 60 years. You really do. You have beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, so. 60 years. Yeah. Okay. The day you hit 90 though, you have to stop. Yeah, at 90 you stop and you put. That's the cut off. Or you go down the runway with a walker. What do you think I should do at 90? At 90? Let's see. Yeah, or I can retire then. I would say paint over that natural wood. It's time. No. Yeah. No, it's just time to change it up a little bit when you hit 90. Just a nice thick coat of pink.

4:10Micah, fashion model. Have you modeled all around the world? Have you traveled a lot? Have you traveled to the great cities to model? Yes. I used to live in New York for six or seven years. That's actually when I first heard your guys' podcast. Yeah. And usually when I have a job, I go to Paris or Milan or anywhere else within Europe at the moment. Okay. So, are you tall? Many models have to be a certain height. How tall are you? I'm six feet. How tall are you? Oh, my Lord. I'm 6 '4", but if I've got gel in the hair, I'm 6 '7", 6 '8". But, yes. Yes, I am six feet, four inches tall. Nice. Thank you.

4:52You thought about... Yeah. Have I thought about modeling? Is that where you want to go? Well, listen, Micah, I could use your advice. Do you think I have what it takes to be, I know that I'm a little long in the tooth, I'm an older gentleman, but do you think I could be a model? Do you think I have what it takes? I think yes. I think also nowadays, you know, there's more diversity within age. I think you would be perfect. And you've compared yourself to Tilda Swinton, which I think is the most gorgeous human on this world. which one me or Tilda Swinton think about it think about how long you want this interview to go on for it's the language barrier very nice Micah Micah you should you should become a diplomat you should work for the United Nations it was very well done that's what I'll do when I'm 90 I am I'm very long in the leg I think that's helpful when you're a model my legs are very very long beautiful yes I think that would be perfect.

5:57Beautiful long legs. It's like beautiful. I don't know who said it. How do you find your, where do you find your jeans or your pants? Or do you have someone that elongates? No, I'm able to, it's hard for me to get them off the rack. They have to be quite long. Very long. I'm just going to say sensual. No. Did I say that? Legs are sensual? Well, they're, how do you, how is that? I mean, meaning my legs have senses and they enjoy food. Okay. They're sensuous. Your legs eat? Yes. That's even more disgusting. Little mouths on them. Okay. Have you picked up food with your feet? Yes, with my feet, and then I feed my legs.

6:38Oh, my God. Micah, you know what? I'm going to blame you. You're very beautiful, and you're very funny, but you came on, and you destroyed this podcast. It's your fault. I think you did this. Me, yeah. Yeah, it's all your fault. I'll take the blame. No problem. Thank you very much. You're welcome.

6:55Micah, I have to ask you a question because it's something that I'm naturally curious about. You are a very stunning person. And what's it like when you're walking around? I'm just imagining that guys would bother you all the time. And that would be annoying. They don't. They don't? No. At this point, I'm almost, I don't want to say insulted because I don't want to be bothered. But also, yes. No, I don't get, I don't get stopped at all. Do you think it's because they're intimidated? No, I don't know. I think it's, I mean, you're six feet tall and you look like a supermodel. And I think it would be very, it's a very confident man, I would think, that would walk up to Micah and say, hi, do you want to go get a burrito sometime?

7:41That was my opening. The burrito? You're not taking her to like a nice restaurant? This was a line that I tried. You were thinking of a long food. His legs gotta eat. Tall food. Yeah, a man's legs gotta eat, Sona. A man's legs gotta eat. You need to be six feet four burrito. No, they don't. Really? Okay. I think it's intimidation. I think they would think there's no way that Mike is - I don't know. I mean, that's what I tell myself to fall asleep. I'm not sure. I think so. Also, your producer told me you have a resting bitch face. I think I might have the same thing. Oh, you think I have a resting bitch face?

8:15No, I didn't. One of your - Oh. Sorry. He does, though. It's okay, Blake. You do. No, but it's a good thing. You know what's in - That makes you a good model. Yes. Yes. I think, look, I'm going to - I'm not insulting you. For people that are listening, you can always go look this up. But my natural face in the world is this. It's that one. It's that one that's turned away from you. No, it's the one on the left. Thanks a lot. Thank you. Here we go. No, no. I was actually thanking you. Here we go. Yeah. Can you see it? Do I need to get closer? I can see it. I don't know if this thing zooms or not.

8:47Do I? Here. Maybe you can try something. No, no, no. Not that close. Maybe you can go further away. Maybe in the dark. This is good. Oh, my God. Oh, the posture. Sit down and they can zoom in on you if that's okay. Please sit down and they can zoom in on you. All right, here we go. They're zooming in. Now do it. Okay. Wow. Oh, thanks a lot, Micah. What happens is my natural face and what happened when I lived in New York and I was doing the show is I'm always smiling on television, doormen would see me and I was just neutral. My face was neutral, but this is my neutral face. And people were constantly saying, what's wrong, Conan?

9:28Why, you know, cheer up? And I was fine. I wasn't sad. I was just neutral. Why are you pulling? That's what happened. No, I'm sorry. I was just, yeah, this is. Well, okay. Yeah, that's what happened. Micah, that's just gravity. Now you are genetically. You were talking about. You are a 30-year-old supermodel with a beautiful face, and you're talking to a man who is into his 90s, and gravity is tearing at my face, tearing at it, shredding it. And so that's what's happening. But maybe you've left too much in your life, you know? And they want to relax, or they want to hang. Like, in the downtime, your smile muscles just want to...

10:08Oh, that's weird. Look at this guy. Do you like this guy better? Oh, no. Oh, God, I can't win. No. My confidence is destroyed. Can you do it one more time? Hi. How are you? Hi. Oh, my God. Hi, Micah. I love it. How are you? Hi. Nice to see you. My name's Conan, and I'd like to buy you a burrito. Oh, my God. She's the burrito again. They're doing a zoom-in on you now. I don't know if it helps. That's my favorite food, and you're somehow making it off-putting. Well, Micah, I have to ask, because my interest is piqued now. Are you in a relationship? Are you married? Is there someone in your life?

10:42Let's discuss. us i i am in a relationship with a man called robert did you is robert also from amsterdam or did you meet him someplace he's also from amsterdam but we met on bumble and he said he would not have approached me in real life either but that's because he has only dated women that are like five feet tall how tall is robert he's six one oh okay so yeah yeah but no no but we're in a happy relationship oh he's fine with my height thank god well he's yeah he's got an inch on you that's fine let's say six one yeah and and also many women are happy with shorter men many men are happy with taller women it takes all kinds they're making it a trend now too are they king it's like uh it's like a it's like a thing online right i see sona yeah yeah it's true yeah my dream uh and my wife knows this is to be with a woman who's like three feet taller than me having trouble finding one.

11:39Yeah. And that she carries me wherever we go. Did you guys see the video of the tallest woman on earth and the smallest woman or person on earth? I'm not sure if it was women. Meeting each other? Yeah, I have. I saw that video. Yeah. It's cool. Yeah, that was... And they met each other accidentally. It was at a 7-Eleven. At a barita shop. Yeah, they were reaching for the same slurpee cup. Slurpee? I said slurpee. I like to put a little shh in there. and that's my business. All right. You know, stop. You guys are like a jury constantly stopping me from... We learned it from you, Dad. Micah, you guys...

12:16So Robert sounds like a nice guy. Is he nice to you? That's the important thing. He's very nice. Good. He's super nice to me. Tonight, he was like, I know you're a bit nervous, so go take a nap. I'll cook dinner for you. He poured me a glass of sake. He made me a tea. Wow. Super nice. I'm borrowing his laptop. I wish I was in a relationship with Robert. I know. He sounds pretty good. Yeah. And he's tall. He's pretty good. Yeah.

12:49Do you think the three of us would get along if we hung out? Because I intend to, you know, hang out with you guys at some point. Weird. I think he sounds weird to you, but it's Europe, so I know things can get weird. I think the language barrier might be coming over. Does Robert speak English? Yes, he does. But he hasn't listened to your guys' podcast. He hasn't. And I'm quite disappointed. He hasn't or he refuses to listen. You can be honest now. It's okay. This is a safe space. Are you sure? Well, no, I'm not. And it's not really a safe space. I'll take the risk. Yeah, take the risk. For up until now, he won't.

13:33But maybe, I think he can be convinced. He won't. He won't. He won't. He's defiantly saying, I will not listen to that podcast. It's a choice. Yes. It's an active choice. It's a choice. Well. Is it because of Conan or because of one of us? Well, it's not because of you guys. It's because he doesn't know who we are. Now I hope Conan doesn't know who I'm talking to again. It's okay. It's quite clear. You know what? But I, Micah, I'm a mature adult and I can handle that someone is not a fan of mine and I'm deducing. I know you take it as a challenge. No, I do not. I like this guy, Robert. He clearly has excellent taste in choosing you.

14:17And so I respect his opinion and I deduce that he is not a fan of my kind of comedy. Is that the case? You can just say yes or no.

14:31i declared a fifth yeah well i didn't realize you guys had the american constitution you can't use our constitution you're in amsterdam and you don't mean anything keep your fucking hands off our constitution we barely can keep it under control here in america and suddenly oh i know what the problem is you guys have it i know why our system's breaking down our constitution's in to Amsterdam. Micah, he's not a fan. Just say it, it's okay. He's not a fan, I'm so sorry. He's not a fan, but I feel bad because I think you're so nice. Nice? I sincerely think, oh. I mean, I am nice, but I consider myself a great comedic talent.

15:11Now, what is it he's - Oh, okay, sorry. So it's not about personality, it's about your tenant, yeah. Um, yeah. Okay. So what are we left with? What is it, I'm gonna, I shouldn't, but I'm gonna dig deeper. what is it about my comedy that Robert does not enjoy? You can just say. It's goofy. Can you let her answer the question, please? You're leading the witness. I'm sorry. Maybe give me a multiple choice answer. No, no, I'd like to get to the truth. I really would like to get to the truth. No, okay, I'll be completely honest with you. I have discussed it today as well because, you know, it's, you know, I'm meeting you guys, you know, why do I want to meet, you know?

15:51um yeah he just thinks it's too much it's too much i'm a little much you're trying too much trying too much yeah he likes uh probably more of like a quiet more not naughty i i asked him the word he said naughty naughty he likes naughty but i think you're super respectful and i think that's where you know but i think what he's saying is he thinks that maybe i'm too hyper at times the my energy is too much maybe a neediness comes across and he probably likes a quieter kind of jacques tati kind of comedy I think if you take this attitude you will be perfect just keep it something like this which is quieter and more relaxed and much less funny this is what Robert likes he just likes non funny comedy yeah I think the problems with Robert that's what I'm getting I think so too.

16:50I mean, for the rest, it's great. This is just something we don't bond over. Yeah. Well, listen. To be honest, I put up an Instagram post for like friends, like asking like who of my friends is listening to Conan O 'Brien, you know, needs a friend. And no one replied. Yeah. Wow. But maybe I don't have many friends. I mean. This is. This is. Can I. Micah, can I. can I tell you what's happened from my perspective Micah? Micah let me tell you what's happened from my perspective I just think you need better PR in the Netherlands that's just what I think maybe you're not reaching beyond you know you need to I think I've been lured into a trap by a very beautiful woman this is how it feels like to me that there's this extraordinarily beautiful professional model named Micah who's charming and lovely and she's a fan of mine and she's talking to me and the whole time she's leading me down an alley.

17:47And when we get to the end of the alley, she tells me my boyfriend loathes you. It's like a honey trap for your humility. My friends have never heard of you. And everyone I know finds you disgusting and loathsome. You're like the creature. You're like the creature at the end of the substance. That's true. And you tricked me. You tricked me. You said, la, la, la. You asked me these questions. Let's get on this Amsterdam bicycle built for two and take a nice ride. Oh, no. What's happening? Oh, no. Poor Conan. Let's throw you in the canal. Yes. But I'm talking to you. Is that not enough for you? Nope.

18:36Okay, now you heard my feelings. I love talking. No, you did. You did. No, no, I did not. I did not. Yeah, you did. I did not, Micah. I know your feelings better. The Dutch are very direct. You should know that. You, I can take it. I can take it. I'm not for everyone. I understand that. And I do, you know, I paint what I see. I am who I am, as Popeye said, a great Nordic figure.

19:04I mean, you're hosting the Oscars. You're fine. You're fine with that, Robert. Oh, yeah. No one judges anyone on that job. It's going to be all of Amsterdam saying sucked. We don't even watch. Nice. I am kidding. I am so sorry. I'm kidding. Hey, listen, I'm not Joe Oscar either. You know, take it easy. I don't work for the Academy. You know, it's a job. I'm getting 200 bucks. I'll do it. Congrats. Micah, I do think, how would I win over Robert? I know this is insane because I've won you over and that should be enough for me because, again, you're extraordinary. There's a light coming off of you.

19:50You're a Renaissance painting. Yet still, I'm obsessive compulsive about now Robert is going to be the one I wake up thinking about. And his disapproving face glaring at me three inches below my own face. Three inches below my own face. Yeah, you're taller than him. You feel good about that. somehow it doesn't it doesn't help yeah I'm taller than Brad Pitt that doesn't help you know oh yeah stronger than him too I fought him twice I won once no you're not stronger than him what's that you're not stronger than Brad Pitt I am stronger than Brad Pitt no you're not if I fought Brad Pitt I would win no he would beat you no he would call a bunch of people get in here security help me that's how he talks too what would your fighting style be mine running away You know, my hands become like hoses.

20:40They're like whips. They whip. It's a whipping motion. You got me off track, Micah. It's more like a slapping. It's a slapping. I'm a slap fighter. I slap, I pinch, and I bite. I get on the floor, get my back on the floor so that I'm protected, and I kick, and I bite, and I stretch. That's good. That's where you pull someone over you, right? No, I don't do that. That would hurt my back. Oh. Micah. Oh, I'm sorry. You and I have a strange chemistry, and yet I've never been more in love. and I say that knowing I've been happily married now for quite a long time yes but that marriage is over I think it's you and I now I think Robert is not going to be very appreciative of the comment you've just made yeah oh I'm really scared of Robert you're not helping your case oh boy Robert oh Robert doesn't like I mean listen I'll handle Robert don't you worry about that but I think it's it's you and I now are you going to do Robert what's that What are you going to do to Robert?

21:36I'm going to overwhelm him with my high energy comedy. I'm going to be so energetic and he's going to be so put off by it that he's going to run away. I think that would work. My comedy would drive Robert away from your relationship. That's how bad my comedy is. This is incredible. This is a massacre. Yeah, it is. She didn't even need to tell you she posted on Instagram and none of her friends commented. You know, you didn't need to. But she did. Micah, you didn't need to mention that. I'm just a short-a-gal. You know, oh, and Conan, one other thing. I went to an orphanage. No, no, no, no, no.

22:13Where the children don't have parents. And I said, does anyone want a parent? And they all said, yes, please. And then I said, it will be Conan O 'Brien. And they said, no, we live our lives alone with no money and food. Did you know that, Conan? I think, again, now it's a cultural difference. I was trying to help you. you need more fans in amsterdam or in the netherlands and i don't know maybe there's people that can help you with that i'm considered a god in finland did you know that finland the fins love me yeah that's great

22:49i'm happy for you

22:54wow Micah you're a lot of fun you really are all joking aside you are a lot of fun and very funny I do feel bad I am very appreciative of your podcast it has helped me through dark and fun times yeah well dark and fun times I'm glad I was there to help you through fun times I'm having so much fun I don't know how I'm gonna make it Conan will balance things out Let me listen to something that will bring me down I need a downer You're making fun of your one Dutch fan I know You have to hold on to her Micah Micah You are my one Dutch fan You need to be nice to me I know I know it's unless it's complicated because I know you have feelings for me.

23:51Um, I can tell it's probably the only reason you reached out, Robert, if he exists, I don't think he does. I think that's made up. Um, I mean, there's, couldn't be a guy who doesn't like Conan. It's not possible. well, uh, our lines are laying up. Um, shouldn't you do like a spinoff, like Conan O 'Brien needs or is looking for a whatever, like a hater, I don't know. Oh, a hater. You mean instead of a fan? Well, that's what this, I mean. I think that's your purpose. You called in as a fan to quickly reveal. Yes, sir, I'm a fan. To quickly reveal that your most important relationships with a hater.

24:33And then to talk mostly about him. Not a hater. Please. Yes, we did.

24:40Well, where is he now, this Robert? Is he there? He's upstairs. Yeah, I bet. I just want to see him. No, I don't want to see him. What if he's so buff? I know, and handsome. Yeah. He's really handsome, isn't he? I bet he's really handsome. He is... I'm not responding fast enough, I feel like. That took me too long. Oh, now you're taking him down a peg. I love this. But maybe this is my character, for I do apologize. She is intimidating. No, but he is handsome. Handsome, but in a particular way. Yeah, I get it. He's very... He's almost too beautiful to even describe. No, but he's like 3 % Neanderthal blood.

25:26I don't know what that means, but I feel like you can see it somehow in his face. Like he's very... Did she say Neanderthal? Yeah, I did. Does he have the ability to make stone tools? is he envious of your use of fire to cook me i'm more practical than him and i don't think i have neanderthal blood um i didn't see this part of the conversation coming at all yeah there's no way if you would dna tests yeah so uh you know the percentage thing yeah yeah so he's part neanderthal well good luck with that um micah you chose well it's a good ad for bumble Yeah, he chopped all this wood.

26:11He's constantly pulling your apartment apart so he can burn it to cook mastodon. Micah, I want us to be friends because I really... We are? I mean... First of all, we're height compatible. I think both of us, I am, you know, you are a supermodel in your world. I think as men go, I'm considered quite, fill that in later. And then just whatever, use AI. Delusional. Delusional. But Micah, it's been really nice talking to you. And if our paths cross someday, I know we're gonna get to the bottom of this very strange relationship we have. And it is a relationship. It's a three-way relationship now. It's you, it's Robert, and it's myself.