Maria Bamford

26:46okay this is what i'm taking away from from what you just said and also from your book which is you are constantly i mean just now you're talking you're analyzing society but also yourself but also what does money mean there's so much that you're thinking about all the time and it all goes back to this I want you to say compulsion yes to think and consider everything yes and you talk a lot about OCD and how you've been battling OCD really your entire life yeah I mean now it's not so bad because you know once you find out what the thing is you know you go to it and then they go oh that's just that and you go oh once you put a name on it yeah once you put it you take away It's power.

27:27Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I have intrusive OCDs, which usually are taboo thoughts. So whatever is taboo in your society, you know. When you were a kid, you told your mother. Yes. Because it's in the book. You told your mother that you had these thoughts of harming the family. Yes. And she said. Honey, it's okay if you're gay. All right. Well, now you just added a whole new set of. Yep. That's how a gay person comes out. I'm thinking of murdering the family. And somehow being homosexual was worse in the 80s than being a serial killer. Right, right. Why can't you be more like Ted Bundy? He's heterosexual.

28:12At least like the ladies. You say that your mom, because you talk a lot about your mom, and you talk about how she was kind of, you think, one of the catalysts or one of the maybe moving forces behind you getting into show business. Totally. Why? How? My mom, well, she loves things that are shiny, but she also, and this is something I realized after she passed, I always thought she had like style, like she knew what was the best thing. And now I realized, oh, she just chose to see everything she got as the best. So this microphone is just darling. No, you can tell it's quality. It's made, it's handcrafted by someone in the water.

28:54Oh, I love it, Conan. And I love it. I'm a lucky kitty. But that's actually a lovely quality. Yes. So how does that translate into you wanting to go into show business? Well, because she was often distracted, which I think may have been a result of not getting enough calories. But, you know, always sort of like it needed to have some shine on it. So my sister became a physician. that seemed to get her enough attention, like, oh, well, my older daughter is a doctor and she has four children with her husband, Mark. And then, you know, and then it was sort of me on my end. It was quiet for a number of years.

29:37Well, Maria's just figuring it out. She's just figuring it out. But like, oh my God, as soon as, you know, she has been, well, the first TV spot I got was on your show, you know. That's in 1999, I think. Yes. Yeah, you came on late night. She is on Conan. She's on television. Like she would just light up about, yeah, consumer or anything with a, yeah, she loves status. Loves status. I have, and I've talked about this, I think, before on the podcast, but I have this picture on my desk that someone took when I was at an event. It was my parents. It was probably like 15 years ago. And it's both of my parents laughing really hard because I'm on stage in the picture.

30:18I'm not in the picture. It's just both my parents laughing really hard. And I asked, someone showed me that picture. And I said, can I have that? And I framed it and I keep on my desk because if anyone ever needs the reason why, and it's very primal. Yeah, yeah. But it is, see those two people that made me laughing? That's why. That's why. That's the whole thing. And as you know, I'm wondering if it's, in your book, you make it clear that when you get up on stage and you get that kind of approval and laughter, it does resonate because you've felt it before. It's when you were a kid and your parents were going, yay, get out in the box for Papa.

31:00Yeah, it's the same dopamine hit. Oh, it's just delightful. I don't know if anybody's heard of Suzuki violin or it's a way people teach their kids music and it came out of Japan. And it's all about if you teach a kid early enough, they can do anything. So you start at two years old, you will have a weirdly, you know, talented, whatever it is. Very unhappy. Yeah. Perhaps unhappy, dependent on. Malformed hands. But you can, you know, kids can do anything. So, and you talk about this in the book because you did Suzuki violin. What age did you start? Three. Now, whose idea was it, Your mom or your dad?

31:42Well, they said, honey, you can do dance or violin. And I didn't really know what either of those were. Yeah, you're three. I was three. So I said, why not the V sound? And then started doing that. No, little did I know what she said, which I didn't understand that either. She said, you cannot quit until you're 12 years old. And I didn't understand time and how that worked. But yeah, I mean, the great thing about that, it kept me off the pipe, off the pole. and also Actually it's something you could use on the pole. Yeah, I mean kids are incredibly malleable and if you look as a parent that you're pleased at the actions that they're performing, whether that's factory work in a chicken parts situation you will do it.

32:30You will continue to do it and get better at it. How good did you get at piano using this method? I mean piano, violin. It'd be funny if you got really good at the piano. That'd be very strange. You know, weirdly good where you go, oh, wow, that's crazy. You know, where I think I got to book eight out of 10 and I went to the Interlochen music camp, international music camp. Did it give you any joy? Not really. I did not enjoy it. The part I liked was getting up on stage. I liked that part. And then I kind of like the feel of victory. Like if I whooped somebody, like if somebody didn't do well and then I did well, like, which is monstrous.

33:09And what I like more was getting laughs and stuff because I did some theater and stuff as a kid and speeches. But then I moved to Los Angeles. There were two other comedians who are female doing acts with violence. And so I said to myself, I think I can kick this to the curb now. Henny Young Women? Henny Young Women. And I, well, and yeah, I think Henny Young genuinely loved to play. I have. And Jack Benny famously played. I see, played much, I think, better violin than he let on. Right. But it was part of his act as well, which is everyone hates my violin playing, you know. Right. That's a good act.

33:51There's so many themes you touch on in the book. Food is one of them. Yes. Let's talk about food. Take me through your food journey because it's been fraught. Fraught. well I mean I think you know and I've talked to other comedians said I was bulimic which bulimic bulimia is it's one of the ways you can be bulimic is just binge and then purge through exercise you don't necessarily have to have been a vomiting purger so maybe I don't count to some people because it is a competitive sport and I did oh vomiter eh oh my god you get into treatment and people are like So, I mean, have you blown out your exophagus?

34:33Like, it does get. I mean, are you really a heroin addict? Like, it always gets competitive at some point. This is so fascinating to me because this is what human beings do. Everything is a competition. You could be on a raft in a boat with three other people starving to death in the ocean because you've been at sea and you're drinking your own urine for six weeks. And people are like, you call that skinny? Yeah, I get it. Look at this over here. my pelvis is cutting through my skin alright? there's something so you're saying that you're in treatment and you're getting attitude from people that don't think you qualify oh shit yeah yeah no like what are you here for?

35:16I worked at a grocery store so I could binge carrots and my skin could turn orange you know that type of thing it was bad enough that I was unable to get stuff done, you know? So I was unable to leave my dorm room when I was in college. And so I called a suicide hotline, said hello. And they gave me the number to Overeaters Anonymous. What? A white woman who's bulimic? How did it start? Anyways, so it's not that interesting of a story. And in fact, I've told comedians and they're just like, yeah, that's everybody's, well, then everyone has an eating disorder. And I'm like, well, okay, fair enough.

35:55I don't think you should be looking to other comedians for sympathy because we're all the worst people. So that's the first problem. Hey, that's not funny. You got to punch that up. Yeah. The part where you call the suicide hotline. No, no. You don't end there. You punch it with this. OK, you're talking to the wrong people. Well, and 988 if you need to call it. But sometimes there is a 45 to 90 minute wait to call anybody. I called Hertz Run a Car, South Pasadena, California. They picked up on the first ring. Anyways, just FYI, 988 is not always perfect. Are you being serious right now? I am being totally serious.

36:31You text. And this is important because you've been through this experience and you've had very dark thoughts. And this is something to take seriously. Yeah. 988 is the number you call if you're having. Suicidal thoughts or fear of hurting yourself or someone else. But if you don't get them, do you really believe that you should call anyone else? Oh, I think, yeah, lower the bar to accessing mental health. Because there's such, I don't know, I think it's such a load of bullshit. Like they have all these memes going, hey, you asked for help, you know, tell someone. And it's like you cannot get an appointment if you even have insurance for six weeks, six to eight weeks.

37:07And then only see you maybe four times if you've had a traumatic event. And that event, you can only have a therapist like Kaiser is notorious for this, where they can only see you once a month. even if you have a shit ton of money you can throw money in the street and burn it and they'll sometimes there's some shitty i went to uh i went to the hospital to for because i was uh concerned about myself uh for a night for a three three day hold and um i thought they took my insurance turned out they didn't uh they said they needed all the money in cash which made me laugh uh in retrospect, because isn't spending an enormous amount of money on something that's going to be worthless a sign of mania.

37:53But it was not good. It wasn't great. Like, if you look in the back of the New Yorker and there's all those mental health care places, if you read about experiences people have had there, it's just a holding take. I went to this one place where it was very expensive. They said they had yoga classes, a pool. You get there, nothing's going on. Nothing's happening. It's a lot of carbs. There's hash browns. You will put on at least 20 pounds and the pool is closed. Pool is closed due to insurance concerns. This is most motels I've stayed in. Most motels. There's hash browns and the pool is always closed.

38:29Yeah, well, that's why. I think you went to a motel Hampton Hampton Hampton but just yeah yeah that I think you can feel like you've been gaslit sometimes like oh am I not getting the right care and just know it will be shit like and be surprised if you get anything a little better than uh you know if you get any eye contact you know just I just I hate I hate that thing where it's like hey you with the ongoing trauma on the schizoaffective disorder, get a massage! Take a walk! You know, and it's like, it's not that easy. Yeah. Nor is it always pleasant. One of the things that you do so well, so effectively is, and effective is a cold term, because I admire the way you do it.

39:20You're brutally honest about all these painful things you've been through, and you never, you're always funny, too, at the same time. You managed to get the salty and the sweet mixed up very beautifully. And I think that's edifying. That's helpful for a lot of people. That's my current thing in terms of, well, this is a punchline, but now I call the anti-abortion people because all their literature says life is a gift. Have them take the time to prove it to you. I recently called, hi, I'm not pregnant. My mother was. And that saucy bitch, she kept it. Now, it's 52 years later. What's the plan?

40:01I would really like to be placed in a loving home.

40:12That's beautiful. I've got some phone calls I'd like to make. I think we all have some calls we'd like to make. Yeah. But yeah, and I think we can also be there for each other a lot more that the peer advocacy, I've just trained to be a peer advocate and a lot of you can have lived experience, take a test and then be paid to work in the mental health system if you have lived experience with addiction or mental health. and I think we can help each other a lot more by being more open with it and then also the availability of like, hey, you don't have to go into a hospital necessarily or find the right therapist, which is a thing in Los Angeles.

40:59You've got to see this guy. He's a psychopharmacologist. He's on retainer, so it's five grand a month, but I see him on a helicopter pad. and he lets me do ayahuasca. He really helped. He really helped. He helped Grimace so much. Yeah, yeah. And I love Grimace. Let's be clear about that. Well, you know, that's the other possibility is that we used to live and, you know, I always think about evolution. We evolved and we evolved to live in groups of about, I don't know, 50, 60. All of us would live in a small area and the postman would come in when he brought you the mail and sit with you and you'd offer him a piece of coffee cake and you'd talk for 20 minutes and there was a lot of that kind of bonding.

41:43Yeah. If I don't want my postman to come in and there's no coffee cake, but get to know the names of your barista. Who knows what they've been through or taken at a, you know, community college? Like, I feel like that is genuinely can be like, I mean, I try to mention I'm bipolar everywhere I go so that, you know, if somebody needed something just because I think they're that that kind of safety net of, yeah, you're just you're surrounded by people who can help and who want to help. Everybody wants to feel useful. Everyone wants to have a IRL experience. So you've been diagnosed with bipolar two.

42:25Yes, which is the that's the the the easier sort of bipolar for one of my part. So you've had a competitive conversation with someone who's bipolar one. Oh, bipolar 2. Well, that must be a nice holiday. So, you've never had psychosis. I was told to murder by my dog.

42:44And you've been in several psych wards. You talk about that in the book? Just two different ones. Glendale Adventist Psychiatric Medical Center. I was in West, Psych West. And then I was at the Last Encinas, still in business. Do not recommend it. you just gave them a bad yelp review well no no i never give bad reviews i always feel like everyone's having a hard enough time okay uh well here's the thing the psychiatrist there who has since retired uh he when i went in because yeah i got to see a psychiatrist which is amazing and he not only uh he googled me during the session but then played some of my act back to me and said, oh, you're pretty funny.

43:33Unless I say I'm Richard Pryor, you know, like and wait until I've left. You know, if I'm having some sort of experience where I think I'm somebody else and just assume maybe she's a comedian, like maybe she is like because I think I said I was a comedian, which is always a terrible idea to say in a hospital circumstance. But I. Isn't the first thing you get, tell me a joke? Uh, yes. Or wherever I've seen you or, you know, and all jobs have that sort of thing. You know, I know I've heard people say, you know, I'm an administrative assistant. Oh, like, you know, sometimes you don't get any questions.

44:15Right. And you have a lot to say. When you go to these places and you're in that state, are you ever thinking about comedy or looking around and thinking? No. No. No. I mean, if you're having an emergency event for any sort of, whether that's a physical or a mental issue, you're not. Yeah. No, no. You're in a completely altered state. Yeah. Just. Yeah. No, I wanted to. I wanted to die. I was not feeling good. Yes. So, no, it's like something's broken or you don't go, you know, this pain. I don't. Somebody take notes on this. Maybe you are. I worry that I would, but I'm deeply like, how could I use this?

45:05And but the pain you're describing, to be honest with you, is a pain I have not felt. So I cannot relate. Yeah, I hadn't. And I hadn't felt that either. I don't think I had felt that, you know, of just like your brain. I wasn't there. I wasn't there. And that feeling of like, oh, there's no me here. And yeah, I just did not, like every moment was excruciating. I was so grateful when they came around with the meds. I was just like, oh, my God, knock me out with a hammer. And they don't do that anymore. That was the 60s. that ended with the three stooges but that was really nice like Jonathan Winters he had had I think a few psychotic episodes and in the 60s I think they would just everyone was just there was just a big jar of allium and then they would they'd just numb you out and he was there for months but my friend I have a friend who's friends of his and I was so out of it I was just like He's like, I'm calling Jonathan.

46:14He'll tell you it's going to be okay. And I'm like, okay. I could barely talk, but he was like, oh, you have a good shrink. I said, well, yeah. You know, just keep going. All I can do is keep going, which is really the only advice anyone can give you. It's also that generation, depression era, World War II, fighter pilot, keep going. Yes. Which sometimes is the right advice to get, like pull yourself together and keep going. Well, and I think that the experience of like a suicidal depression really has given me empathy for people in my life who have committed suicide. I think there's tremendous guilt, but also sometimes people are angry at people who commit suicide.

46:59And that you just don't know the level of suffering someone has experienced. And anyways, I don't know why I'm laughing. That's inappropriate. That makes you kind of a monster, I think. Well, ouch. Ouch is not the appropriate response to me calling you a monster. Hitler, you're a monster. Ouch.

47:24Stalin, you're Satan. Ouch. Oh, hey, oh. Spicy.

47:33You said that one of the causes of your break was you'd lost your dog. You were really connected to your dog. Yes. Blossom. Blossom. The awesome pug. Blossom, the awesome dog. She's a super. Anyways, you guys don't know. What was that? It's a song. He read a song for any dog that you get. You write a song for him. And she's a beautiful girl. And I was, I think I was kind of going into a hypomanic state. And so, but one of the things I did is I forgot to put a ramp back to our back of our backyard. And so she Thelma and Louise did out to the back. She was around nine years old and she died. And it really sucked.

48:19And I felt so ashamed. And the great thing is that if you do anything horrible, you can Google it and someone else will come up. And so, you know, I started talking about on stage. People are like, I sat on my rabbit, you know, like. But on purpose. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, but. That's how I took my rabbit out. well I thought it was the quickest way I said you're gonna get a little sit down mister but everything miserable has happened to somebody you know somebody's left a baby in a hot car and then you know written a book about it and is now on tour and that's the great thing about the internet is that you can find that you are never alone but yeah that was just I felt so awful but you know it is I know you have a dog you have Oki I have Oki.

49:06And you have Margo. Margo. You know Margo. Yes, yes. And I have two dogs. And you get really involved in these animals. And in a way, you get more involved because you feel like almost you could have, I don't know. They're just always there for you. I'm never sarcastic with one of my dogs. You know what I mean? I'm just like, you, I love you. All the emotions are very pure. That's the difference between a dog and a cat. I feel like I'm always there for my cat. And she's very sarcastic with me. Oh, no. Counts are assholes. Yeah, but this one. Counts are the worst. She's a plus-size model. Oh, let's be.

49:43Oh, she's a sassy lady. Does she put on a kitten heel? Sassy stuff. She puts on fishnets and then eats them. Maria, I want to say something about you, which is you're a terrific comedian, and I think you're a really brave person because you just put these things out there that I think would be difficult for a lot of people to talk about and you're honest about it and you, whatever alchemy you're performing to make it funny, something nice for other people, but also informative, that's a real gift. So thank you. Seriously, thank you for being here and for doing this. Thank you so much for having me and it's been a delight.

50:25I'm sorry I didn't get to talk with any of these other lovely people who seem, what are you guys doing over there? Well, that's the thing. We don't know who they are. They just sit back there I'm actually not listening to this podcast I have another podcast That's Eduardo Eduardo designed this studio Really? He asked to be paid and I said Come on, I'm a friend We're buddies I paid my parents I paid my parents to work for me They didn't get union rights But they were in one of my specials And I paid them 900 bucks a piece as well as gave them dinner. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's really nice of you. Spent every penny.

51:08I had my parents intern for me. And they never got paid. And I said they'd get college credit. Yeah. And I never gave it to them. Bad. Wow. Yeah. That's another way to go with it. I had them doing like yard work. It wasn't even my yard or anything associated with the show. No, just pulling weeds. Yeah, it was just, exactly. Yeah, my 94-year-old dad was weed whacking when he took both of his legs off. And he went, oh, no. Anyway, he's doing well. He's a happy torso. Maria Bamford, thank you very much. Thank you for having me.

51:55I think we're celebrating recently a very special anniversary. Yeah, we tape a little bit ahead, so I don't know exactly when this is going to come out, but today is September 13th, and my whole career in late nights started on September 13th, 1993, so it's been exactly 30 years. Wow. Since I started. And it feels like a long, because so much has happened. It feels like a long time ago, but I will always remember that day. Yeah. We did our first television show. And a lot of young people don't know or rightly don't care. But at the time, it was kind of, who is this guy? I was a complete unknown and hadn't been on television.

52:41And so people were, I think half the audience was tuning in just to see someone try to jump their motorcycle over a canyon and fail. Oh, no. But I have very fond memories of the show. It was a really fun first show. It was electrifying to get to do it. You were a baby. I was 29 when I auditioned. That's crazy. And then I had just turned 30 when I got the job. And then we put it together very quickly in a couple of months. And I do have to get this all down on paper someday because it is a wild story. but uh with the help of really talented funny people and got a good crew together some of whom are still with me today jeff ross still with me um mr frank smiley still with me paula davis uh gina um of course batista yeah um and uh it has and and and andy i still see andy almost every day because he does his podcast here in the building.

53:43And so we see each other a lot. And Andy was out there with me, uh, and he had been hired as a writer. And immediately I thought this guy, I just want him next to me because I'm, I'm going to them the nose cone of a rocket into space. I'm probably going to get killed. I'd like to have this funny guy next to me. And so that was a blessing. So there was no original plan for you to have a sidekick. No, there was no original plan for anything and the whole thing had to come together very quickly uh but that first show we worked really hard robert smigel my original head writer he and i had this vision of what we wanted and we worked very hard and jeff ross was there helping us make it happen and he was instrumental in the whole operation and we decided uh that we wanted this very silly kind of sense of humor and we worked so hard.

54:36We had pre-tapes. We had everything just lined up. So we knew our first show was going to be good. We knew it was going to be loaded with a lot of good stuff. So people subsequently said, oh, you must have been terrified that day. And I remember thinking, no, I was just excited to get going. Really? Yeah, I was. I was so excited to get going because the whole summer people were like, who the fuck are you? And that was my mom. speaking of that you know how I heard about you from my mom I was away at college and she said this is the new guy they're putting on Conan O 'Brien and then she really liked you she watched the show oh that's nice yeah I didn't have a TV at college or I would have tuned in it was a different time no one had it's funny I go back to colleges now and they have televisions and computers whatever I just I didn't have a of course there weren't televisions when I went to college we had curve top radios but anyway it was uh it was a really special day and so it was just funny to wake up today and think huh i had some texts from people saying wow 30 30 years ago today and that changed my life completely um obviously lots of ups and downs but uh just i wouldn't change a thing been very fortunate there been uh different eras or sections and so went through that whole late night thing and then And Sona, I don't meet you till really the end of the late night thing in the beginning of the Tonight Show.

56:05Thanks for your help with that. Oh. Sounded like you were blaming me. A lot of people are. A lot of people are. Okay. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, you were the one thing that changed. Oh, okay. Everything was going along swimmingly. Then I came along. I can help. Oh, no. Look out. you showed up and then that whole era like the tour and everything at TBS and this podcast and meeting you Matt I mean I just I'm very I know it sounds sappy but I cannot believe my good fortune I just keep meeting new people that challenge me in different ways and I get to have more and more fun it just seems like I'm off the charts blessed so half your life you have been a figure no that would that would make me 60 no oh I'm sorry oh okay Yeah, we're putting out a press release that I am one third of your life.

56:57I am 40 years ago. Oh, okay. We're putting it, my publicist had this idea this morning. I'm going to 44 now. Do you want to go back at the opening of this segment and say we recorded this in 1998?

57:15Yes, I do. Okay. Well, I think President Clinton's doing a bang up job. I also just want to take a second to say no. Yeah, I'm 60 now. And I was, yeah, 29 when I auditioned, then 30 when we did the show. Yeah. And it's so funny when I look at clips now from that first show or that first year of that first show. I can't believe they let that guy on television. He's so young and goofy. And my hair was insane. I don't know why, but I feel like, you know, you found your stride very quickly, too, though. I mean, I feel like you started and everyone just started talking about you. That's true. I heard about you from my mom, but then it was all my friend circles and we would just watch and eat it up.

57:59Oh, that's nice. I would never tell you probably enough what a fan I was of you. You have never mentioned it. I've mentioned it at least once. Talked about this. Yeah, maybe in my sleep it came out. Yeah, I think so. No, I really, really. Well, you know, it's interesting, and I actually think this is the way things should be, But most of what we heard about back then, because there wasn't an internet, was we just heard from TV critics who were not happy. And so we heard all this negativity and the network wasn't happy. And so we were only mostly just getting negativity. and then um i remember the first summer that we you know we made it through the fall and this long dark winter and a lot of criticism and uh it was tough and then we made it to the summer and kids got out of college and they came to see the show live in rockfarrer center and suddenly i'd walk out and the audience and robert smiegel i talked to him about this he remembers it too starting in June, I'd walk out for the monologue or for the warmup and the crowd would go crazy.

58:59And I would think, is there someone behind me that they want to see? But we had no idea. We had no idea. And it was so nice to finally. And then, of course, they all went back to school in the fall. Do you think that you would have read stuff if people talked about it? Because you're very big on not reading. No, but I would have. It maybe would have. There are all these young performers today uh comedians uh who were watching then who tell me who are so established and good and they tell me that they were watching then and really liking it and my reaction is always to a hater or malaney or a nick kroll or any of these people why didn't you tell me and they're like that was a kid idiot we didn't know i thought everyone hated me and i did i sent letters i shredded all the letters if there wasn't cash in there i shredded them but uh but 30 years That's truly remarkable and impressive.

59:57And it is an amazing because it won't I don't ever see anything like that happening again, where they just take someone who no one has ever really heard of and then make them host a storied franchise. Well, also, I think the television business has changed so much that at the time, now there's so much television that you're always, you can go home at night and you can watch 10 ,000 television shows literally on all these streaming services. And they can be populated with people you've never heard of. Or you can go on the computer and watch YouTube clips. And it's everybody you've never seen before.

1:00:30But this was back in this other era where literally there's, well, there's two late night shows. And, you know, and now there's going to be this there's this third one. So we're giving a third person in America a chance. Who shall it be? What's the population of America? About three hundred and forty million. All right. Who should it be? Lauren Michaels. What do you think? I think maybe Conan O 'Brien. Done. Let's see. We'll need another man. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just so weird because it's crazy. It's crazy. I shouldn't have had that chance. and got it and I've just been and then as you know Sona I met my met Liza shooting a remote on the show so that would never have happened and you met your husband because of the show I met my husband because of the show and I'm marrying Matt Gorley because he's here on the podcast which wouldn't have happened if it weren't for the show other people on the show have married each other and met because of the show like there's there's babies because of this show oh yeah many people made babies at 1230 at night back then that's true Because there was nothing else.

1:01:37So many people used to say, I watched you last night because I was up fucking. I'd say, what an awful phrase. That's too much. That's TMI. That's the key to your longevity is that you're an aphrodisiac and then you made another generation of people that were holding to you. They made it very clear they were having sex when a cat stepped on the remote and the TV came on. God damn it, I can't finish. Why? Because that idiot's on. hair's going every which way he's jerking around he's talking too much his voice is weird that comedy's abrasive and strange and this is you talking no no with an accent yeah all right well very uh feel very fortunate today to just have to have been around for this ride yeah and now goodbye forever oh no wait that was unforeseen well I know it just felt like I should ride off now no no no okay I'll stick around we need you to keep going all right okay I have a house okay I've seen it tonight's hour.

1:02:37Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend With Conan O 'Brien, Sona Mufsesian And Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick D 'Leal And Jeff Ross at Team Coco And Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf Theme song by The White Stripes Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering by Eduardo Perez Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis Gina Batista and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan?

1:03:19Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message It too could be featured on a future episode And if you haven't already please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.