Mary Bronstein

0:02Hi, my name is Mary Brownstein and I feel destined about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

0:34Hey, Conan O 'Brien here. And I'm sitting with Matt and Sona. And this is a special episode of Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. Today, I'm welcoming Mary Bronstein, the director of a film that I'm in. Yeah. Which is a strange thing to say because that's something I didn't expect from my kooky career. But Mary Bronstein has made, I think, a really terrific film. And it stars Rose Byrne. and it's called If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You. I'm in the movie as well, and so is ASAP Rocky. There's a lot of just brain twisters here. Yeah. Because America has been saying, how come Conan O 'Brien and ASAP Rocky haven't been in a film together yet?

1:20Well, guess what? Problem solved. Yeah. We're in a film together. The new bogey and bacal. We are. That'd be funny. Tracy and Hepburn. If all of our movies were just together now, we're like Hope and Crosby. um but uh it's it was a wonderful experience the movie's out now and um it's in new york and it's in los angeles and uh and i think it will start appearing in other areas soon after that and um i'm just very happy just very happy for congratulations well thank you this is exciting I get these, I mean, some intense scenes with Rose Byrne, who is, I think, one of the great actors on the planet right now.

2:04I really do. She can do anything. I love her so much. Yeah. Well, get in line, buddy. Okay. I didn't mean to be that aggressive. I know. We both can like her. Okay. It's all right. Just not as much as me. Oh, I like her more. So this is a chat with the director, Mary Bronstein, who is such an impressive force. And she made this whole world spring from her mind. And it was just an honor to get to work with her. So we'll be talking to her today.

2:42Please welcome Mary Bronstein.

2:48Did you manifest this whole relationship? Yes, I did. You did, actually. There's a whole story here. Oh, yeah. We're going to get into it. Let me initiate. Anyone who doesn't know what's going on here, Mary Bronstein, very talented screenwriter, director, auteur, has made a movie. I did. Called If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You. This is not your first movie, but you made this film, and it stars Rose Byrne, and I'm in there too. Yes. Improbably. We'll get to that glitch in your career. But the response has been fantastic and stunning. And the movie's coming out soon. Working with you has been a joy and a great journey.

3:36I don't get to say journey often, but it really has been a journey. And I'm just so delighted you're here. Really. I am this is a this is like a Twilight Zone moment for me you know I'm in I'm staying in this hotel on the Sunset Strip across the street is the Viper Room and the Whiskey I go into my hotel room on the coffee table in the hotel room is a magazine with Rose on the cover of it with me inside of it talking in the magazine not talking in the magazine quoted quoted in the magazine that's a proper way to say but soon talking magazines are coming I just invented that copyright and then that's called a tablet that's called a tablet as a talking magazine to interject in this very important moment so you're painting a great story and then someone ruined it i'm gonna take it back i'm gonna grab it back and then i'm and then i and then i'm here um and i i have been a fan of yours since you know day one day one of your original show.

4:38September 13th, 1993. And I'm freshly 14 years old. Freshly. And we actually had like an encounter, didn't we? Over a fax machine. Yeah. Steamy. Yeah. As one does. The best romantic scenes take place over a fax machine. In the early 90s, that's what you did. Yes, I... You were a young fan of the show and you were a real fan. Oh, I can. Yeah, we can get into that if you want. But I can. Yes, I was a real fan. And so I had a school project where it was like, pick a career that you want to have and then interview a person in the career. And because this will tell you everything about me and my personality.

5:29I said, well, I want to be in show business. I'm an interviewer conor O'Marrant. And what I did was I figured out I did some sleuthing, some early 90s sleuthing, which is hard to do. No internet. No internet. And there was a little booklet that they used to sell in the drama book shop in New York City called Ross Reports Television. Do you know what I'm talking about? No. And in it, it had every television show and like the contact information. It was for actors to use to like submit to television. Sure. So that's how I got the phone number to the office of the show. And I called and I spoke to some woman and I told her what I wanted to do.

6:12And she goes, I can't promise that he's going to do it, but here's the fax number, fax the questions. And I live in a suburb and here literally, I don't have a fax machine in my house. So I literally walked down to the gas station. Walked down the gas station with my papers. I love this portrait of another time. I know. I finished churning my butter. I did. Then I walked down to the gas station. I sewed my own outfit. I put it on. And I, you know, and I walked down to the gas station and I faxed it. And then I was like, but wait a minute. How am I going to know if it faxes back? So then every, literally for the next week, every probably like two hours, I called the gas station.

6:55Did I get a fax? Did I get a fax? And one day they said, yes, you did. And I go and you answered my questions, man. And you revealed some things. Like I know that you took tap dancing lessons when you were a kid because you put that in the questions. I wrote my essay. The teacher gave me an A, but also didn't kind of believe it, I think. Yeah. A little bit. A little bit. But that happened. And also that says a lot about me. My middle name is Tenacity. and it says a lot about you, your middle name is Mensch. Yeah, that's nice. And that is... And also, time on his hands. That's my other middle name.

7:36Look, I don't know... I'm just going to fax some gas stations. And it was in your handwriting. You filled it out with your handwriting. You didn't bother to type it. My handwriting is like typing. Do you still have that fax? I do, and I should have brought it. That's okay. But I didn't. I don't want people to see that I do little smiley faces and I dot my eyes with smiley faces and then a heart when I say goodbye. But it was a beautiful thing and I, and I, it was something that, that, that really, it was like, oh, people in show business, you can, it's not inaccessible. That was my first, that was, I, I grew up, my parents were teachers.

8:15I grew up in a suburb. I grew up, like, I didn't know anyone who was in show business or anyone that was even making, an artist. The fact that you could make a living as an artist, I didn't know about that. That's exactly my same experience with growing up. And I've said this a million times. Never saw anyone famous. Nope. I felt like I was as far from show business. I didn't think it was something that I could ever do. It was, you know, saying, oh yeah, I'll live on Mars. I mean, it was. Absolutely. It feels that far away. It feels that far away. And so, you know, it's funny because I want to now tell the story of, how I come into this whole picture.

8:57Yes, please do. Which is one day I was going down to a place that's near my house to get some stuff for lunch. My phone rings and it's Adam Sandler. So I rushed to a fax machine. No, I pick it up and he's like, hey buddy um the uh is it okay if i give like one of the safety brothers your phone number he watched after josh safety just is it okay if i give josh safety uh from a24 they wanted they want to someone wants you in a film an a24 film some lady some lady and i said what and he said do you want to just look at the script? And I said, I guess so. I mean, yeah, I guess so. And he went, that's right, buddy.

9:53Are you stupid? A24, safety, script. Lady that you don't know. Yeah, lady that I don't know, who claims she has a letter from you. And so I read the script and And I, again, I don't pretend to know this is not my world. I can't say that enough. But I read the script and I immediately thought there is a, this is a very original voice. This is a very original story. And there's great tone control. There's just, there's a tone to this movie that just comes off the page. And again, I'm saying this as someone who doesn't read scripts professionally. I don't know that world, but I know what I like. and so you and I had a meeting and I took the meeting just to try and maybe talk you out of having me.

10:43That was the meeting. You kept saying, I love the script. I want to do it. I can't do it. I've never acted. I don't think I can do it. I do want to do it, but I can't do it. That was the whole meeting. It's like Faye Dunaway in Chinatown. You kept slapping me. I don't want to do it. I got to do it. My sister, my mother, my sister, my brother. 100%. And so it was one of those moments. And so I said to you, well, I think you can do it. And then you said that you were in a place in your life where you were doing like a radical yes. Yes. I was saying yes to things that scared me. That scared you. And you said, so that's the place that I'm going to say yes from.

11:22And then you said, well, but if I, you said you made me promise you that if you sucked, that I would fire you and that we could still be friends. Yeah. It's not too late for that. It is. It literally is too late. That's why you're here? It literally is too late. If I, if I. And she does feel that way, but it's too late. I could go back to the editing room, but if you see the movie, it'd be very bizarre if I edited you out. You could just, funny, if you just cut from Rose Byrne talking to me and it's just a bag of golf balls. It's just a bag of golf balls that says therapist. Or it has a crude face paint on it.

11:56Yeah, therapist here. So. No, but you're fabulous. You showed up and you did it and you worked hard and you're fabulous and accept it. Take the compliment. Sure. Accept it. I killed it. Yes, you did. I think what was funny is I did make you promise. I said, I don't want to be the guy that ruins your great. I think this thing is terrific. Then Rose signs on Rose Byrne and I'm like, oh my God. I've never seen seen partner. Rose Byrne be anything but fantastic. She's just one of the best though. She's one of the best that we have. Yeah. One of the best working actors we have today. And this was such a different chance for her, just a role for her.

12:41And I, but when you said Rose Byrne is going to be your scene partner, I had two instincts. The repressed Irish Catholic boy in me was like, I love her so much, you know? Maybe she'll smile at me, you know? Your tongue like rolled out like a, yeah. I know, I know. I know, just I, who doesn't? if you've got a pulse, you have a crush on Rose Byrne. I have a crush on her. I do too. I'm obsessed with her. Yeah. And so I was delighted, but also, oh my God, I don't want to, I can't let Rose Byrne down. I don't want to be. And then we had this, I got to tell you this. Yeah. You will probably remember it.

13:22We meet, the three of us are going to meet. Yeah. You call a meeting and you say, okay, I happen to be in New York. I'm always in LA, but I happen to be in New York. Yeah. So we all meet at this Midtown Hall. So we go to all meet in person. Yeah. So we meet and Rose doesn't disappoint. She shows up. I mean, she just, you know, she was on the subway. She comes in. She takes the subway. She's such a, you know, I'm in my mind thinking she'll come here in a white carriage. You know, like I'm just such a besotted fool. She's a princess. And... But not me. You weren't worried about how I got there. I don't give a shit.

14:02how you get there. You're tough. This is what, anyway, I go on with this. No, no, no. And so, the three of us are there and then Rose really quickly starts to, you're like, oh, I'm really excited and this is going to be great and Rose looks at me and she goes, Conan, so, what acting have you done? She did do that. And she did do that and I said, well, I haven't really done anything. I mean, I've been in sketches all the time and she went, uh-huh, yeah, not sketches and she's doing it in this, she is so funny. She's so funny and so sweet. And she's very sweet. She wasn't doing this, but she's doing this from like a kid sister giving Conan a hard time.

14:40It was like, I'm not a Conan. What? What movies have you been in? And I was like, well, I haven't really been in any movies, Rose. But you can't call her on it because she's doing it in such a sweet way. No, no, and she's doing it in such a sweet way. And then she said, uh-huh. And she said, well, but you must have been in high school where you went plays. And I went, I wasn't really in plays, no. And she's like, huh. And she looked at me. And then she looked at you. And she was like, like, what are you doing with your movie, Mary, that I'm in? And then she said, well, you probably took acting classes.

15:11And I said, She kept going. She kept going. She kept going. And I was like, oh my God. And I was sitting there like, this is, and then I - You know in those cartoons when someone shrinks because they've been humiliated? I kept getting smaller and smaller. And then I'm sitting on top of a crouton. Like it's a massive pillow. I'm just, I'm like, hey, well, I'm going to do my best. And I'm like, this tiny little person. And I'm just swilling drinks. Yeah. Just trying to. It's a morning meeting and you are pounding vodka back. Double fisting it. I was like, what is going on? And then Rose looked at me and winked.

15:45Yeah. And I was like, okay, but also why are you doing that? Yeah. But she was doing that. She was doing that to tell you, you got to work. You're going to work. Which is my modus operandi anyway. Yes. I do not. I've never in my life said, check this out. But I wish someone had filmed that meeting because - It's so funny. First of all, I was just watching it as if it was a scene and loving it on that level. But then as the person who casted both of you and knowing that your scenes are exclusively only with each other, I'm dying a little, not a little, but a lot. And so then, because then in my mind, I'm like, oh, after this meeting, Rose is going to come up to me and be like, he never even took an acting class.

16:30What's going on here? But she didn't. She came up to me after the meeting and was like, he's so great. I'm so excited. I can't wait. But that's also... But blood was coming out her eyes when she said it. But I... Are you okay, Rose? I lost a couple years off my life on that one. But guess what? I was right.

16:57I don't want to, you know, give spoilers on the movie. This is not a spoiler. You play her therapist. Yeah, yeah. So the rest of the meeting was us all talking about therapy. Yeah. Which we all have our stories, you know. Well, then I decided you came out here to L.A. Yes, I did. Right to this studio in Larchmont. I announced to you. You said, I'm coming. and we're going to work. I didn't ask. And so you and I would meet out up this little terrace. For four hours a day for one week. Really? Four hours a day. And we would go over and you would drill me on who is this guy? What's his deal? And you had me.

17:32Drill you. And all of the things that I have to admit as a novice, I would be suspicious of. It was a boot camp. I have to know what kind of shoes this guy likes or what his backstory is. You do. But you did it and I could see the value of it. And by the time my assistant, David Hopping, came with me. I was looking for him. He's on the room. No, no, he's banished. David. He's being punished. I love David. David's great. Come on. But David, he's out in the hallway. I'm jealous. David came with me and we went to New York for the shooting. For the shoot, yeah. And it was, my scenes with Rose are in the smallest office.

18:15It's a real office. office real office it might even be a real therapist office it was it was a real therapist suite that i um why don't you use that guy took over and i can't no i completely re i completely redid it in my imagination what i wanted it to be which is that there's different kinds of therapists right we've all been therapy and we've all been therapy right here we all admit it no no no she doesn't need no she don't you don't need to be in therapy i don't need no you do not I don't think you are Zorba the Greek. You do not need therapy. Not everybody needs it. But in New York, you throw a pebble.

18:51The person's been in therapy. Everybody's in therapy. And so I've been, you know, I've had good therapists. I've had bad therapists. I've had every kind of therapist in between. And they all, what fascinates me is that therapists have different kinds of offices. And I can know when I walk into the office, I'm like, either I'm like, okay, this is going to work. I like this or I'm like I gotta get the fuck out of here this guy oh can I swear no I just went blue I just worked blue a little bit um this is being intro'd by Elmo why did I ask that I'm such a dork um anyway um so I so I'm gonna say it again I go I gotta get the fuck out of here And then it's because some therapists take a lot of care in every inch of the room, having a meaning or a purpose in a therapeutic sense.

19:47You know, like I'm going to pick this color for the wall because it's calming. I'm going to put these knickknacks here because they might elicit something, but they don't give anything away about me. And then some therapists you go in, there's like a picture of them with like their mom and dog. And like, that's too much. And then there's a therapist that Rose plays who she's hanging on for the last thread. She just went in. She was like, this is the room. Okay, I'll rent it. The furniture that came with the room is fine. And it's also, I don't clean up my garbage. Come in. Come, welcome. And you guys are two very different types of therapists.

20:27And so, you know, it was a real room. Yeah. Very tiny. And if you remember, the way that I like to direct or the way that I like to run a set is that I don't like to be down the hall on a monitor. When I can be, I like to be in the room. And that's because for the rest of time, I will see the performance on a screen. It's my only chance. I set up the shot. I know what I said. You know, I'm not just going in and sitting there. I set up the shot myself. I know what the framing is in my mind, but I watch it live like a play. And it's the greatest pleasure for me. And then I watch it back and then we decide if we're going to do it again.

21:14But watching you guys, you know, I'd be sitting in the little corner. It was a very tiny room. And watching you guys, sometimes I would forget that this was my movie. And I would just be like, like I'm watching a play. your chemistry and you guys were both so in it and the work we did was I correct or incorrect? You were 100 % correct. Because you had all that's in there. Well, the other thing, okay, I'll admit to this which is I've done a lot of scary things in my career, terrifying things and I keep doing terrifying things and I mean physically terrifying things and then just things where I feel like, oh my God, I could really get it.

21:54My career could be shattered here if this doesn't go well. Yeah. And this. So I'm used to doing scary things, but there was a moment where it's just Rose and I looking at each other and we have this intense scene to do. Yes. And then you say action and my heart is pounding in my chest, which is not me. I don't. That's not. But for the first take, when we're really doing the movie and I'm aware there's a whole crew here, there's cameras. there's this is very intimate that's rose and action uh i could feel you know when you can feel your circulatory system there's nowhere to hide yeah and um and all my normal tricks of i can riff i can come up with a funny distraction i none of that's going to happen so and then um i have to say the the secret weapon in that situation is rose burn because i would see her go from zero to 95.

22:59And I mean, I described this to one reporter, but she can just, she can just pull her own heart out and rip it in half in front of you. And then you would yell, cut, and she'd say, whoo, hey, can I get a sandwich? You know, and I don't know. I'm not, I just said, I don't know that we're the same species. I don't know how you do that. 100%. And I also remember, and when people watch the movie, they'll know exactly what scene I'm going to talk I'm talking about but I don't want to give it away there's a there's a very intense scene very intense where she is literally and I don't know and this is this is you this is you doing technical acting I don't know how you did this she's literally screaming in your face yeah one inch from your face yeah and it's very intense and I remember that when I called cut on that she just started hysterically laughing yes and she couldn't stop and she like fell off the couch and was like crying laughing yeah and it was a release and you were sitting there and you didn't know what was happening i knew what was happening yeah but you were just like like did ray did her brain just break like did you just break rose burn but when you're doing intense work like that look the two and this is also in the movie it's baked into the idea of the movie where you're talking about tone in a very calculated way is that is when the universe is piling everything onto you and it's like the universe is doing everything to work against you and something really bad is happening, but then also you get all the red lights and then also your pencil breaks and it's just too much.

24:35You can laugh or you can cry. Those are the two ways that your body physically deals with that. And in this movie, I do both of those things. But Rose is the type of actor, she can get a laugh on the heels of a cry. Yes. When I'm cutting it, because I know that I'm cutting from her crying and I know what's the next thing. And it's a laugh. And I think what is going to surprise people the most that are fans of yours is that your character is devoid of humor. Yeah. Devoid. Well, you know, it's funny. There's a lot of, and again, I don't want to give too much. But you get laughs because it's so extreme.

25:14Well, the other thing is that I realized early on, I did not like this character I'm playing. And I used to tell you, I don't like this guy. What did I say? Do you remember? Shut up and do it. You said, I'll put peanut butter on your lips. I said, where's Greg Kinnear? Yeah, exactly. I gotta get him. Get me Kinnear. No, I said, you have to love him. Yep. Because he's you. Yeah. Yeah. But also you have to release the fact that people in the theater might not like him. Yeah. Because there's some people in life that you don't like. And if they're on, and there's some people that, in a movie that you don't like, and we can't be scared of that.

25:54Well, this is the other thing that fascinates me. I realized early on, especially when, I mean, multiply this by a thousand once you cast Rose. Yeah. Once Rose Byrne is in the film and I realize my relationship with that character. Yeah. It's contrary to every instinct I have in my body as Conan. A hundred percent. It is, I am a people pleaser. This will shock you, Matt, but I do very much want, I very much want my, a lot of my career has been trying to put people at ease and make them okay and make everyone okay. Yeah. And I'm not letting you do that. Yeah, for better or worse. And in this role, I had to do the opposite.

26:37And when it's Rose, who was probably, you know, one of the people in show business that I would most want to please. You've made it a thousand times harder. And I'm locked in this little room and I realized, oh, I see what this is. That helped me a lot was to know any instinct I have, I need to go the other way almost. Just like the George Costanza. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm going to say the opposite, do the opposite of what I would normally do. But yeah, and it's also, and also for me, it was so magical to see you transform that way Because like we talked about at the beginning, I've been watching you on screen for over 30 years.

27:19I know that thing that you're talking about and it's what made me a fan. And so then it's like this thing. I don't know what that says about me. But then I wanted to take you and strip all of that off. So that then you're left with something. It's so raw what you're doing. and it's such a trust you trusted me in a way that I'm always going to be grateful for because that is your go to what you're talking about and I'm saying it's not here you're not allowed to do any of that and you did it so fantastically that means that it's also part of you and it's also why I would be disbarred as a therapist because you said can't we just take can't my character just say let's go for a walk Yeah.

28:10Can't I just say, go take a nap and I'll babysit? And I'm like, no, you can't. Yeah, yeah. I mean, every instinct, if I was a therapist and would be to completely cross the line and say, well, this sounds rough. Okay, here's what we're going to do. I mean, nothing creepy, but this is what we're going to do. I'm renting you a hotel room. I'm getting you a hotel room. You get some sleep. I'll look after your kid. I'm going to go out and get you some tacos. photos and I'm going to bring them to you. I need a therapist like that. Are you okay now? How about get you more sleep? That's okay. I'll stand outside the door and guard you.