Matt Gourley Needs A Fan

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started hey guys hi sid welcome to conan o 'brien needs a fan hello thank you so much hey sid how are you hey matt hey david hi yes you can leave what the hell was that you got conan o 'brien in the room you got the queen of england in the room and you're talking to the footman what are you doing here's what it is okay this is the inaugural episode of matt Matt Gourley needs a fan. Oh, what? Look at you. You've got a James Bond poster and a cat back there. You are - You're goddamn right. Wow.

0:46This is great. Listen, I am very secure in my fame and I will allow Matt Gourley to have one fan and that can be you, Sid, as long as you remain in Budapest and never leave. Wait, I can never meet him? You can never meet him. Oh, man. That I will not allow. You meeting a fan, I won't have it. All right. No, well, I'll come to Pasadena and I'll find you. How about that? Oh my God, sounds like you already know where he lives. Sounds ominous. Well, tell us a little bit about yourself. We already know that you, do you listen to this podcast at all? Or you only listen to Matt Gourley products? Well, here's the thing.

1:25First of all, I listen to this podcast religiously. There you go. I'm like Trump. I'm like Trump. You really need to blow a lot of hot air my way and then I come around. All right. Okay. You're like him in a lot of ways. I'm a lot like him. It's true. I bloviate. I have insane hair. I spent a lot of time in Florida. But anyway, so go ahead. Tell us the story. You listen to this. I like how this is starting. You listen to the Conan O 'Brien podcast all the time. Go ahead. Yeah. And I re-listen to episodes as well. I find certain ones that sort of comfort me a lot. So I'm a big fan of the podcast.

2:03But I have to be honest, Conan. It was your podcast that made me a fan of you. You mean it was Matt's podcast? It was. Oh, wait a minute. I'm sorry. This is episode one. We'll see how it goes. Yeah. But what I'm saying is it was you didn't know about me at all. And then you started listening to my podcast. Well, I knew your name. I knew your face. I saw your little walk-in cameo in the office and stuff like that. You saw no reason to pursue. I heard your name and I saw your face and I was out. I love that he knows me from my cameo on The Office. That's fantastic. Listen, here's my attitude about all of this.

2:43You wanna know the fucked up thing about that? I thought you were Craig Kilborg. Yeah, oh wow. That's a name I haven't heard in a while. I know, yeah. Listen, I said, this is good for me. You're like a loofah for my ego. You're scrubbing away at it, removing all of the dead layers. So I welcome this. You know, I have too many people on the street saying, I want to do you, do me now. We walk around with you. Have you ever heard? No, this is in my mind. But I've heard you say that. I say it. I say it to myself. No, but Sid. He walks around with earbuds. Yeah. It's just a recording of me on a loop.

3:25Sid, I am fine. I like that you, here's how I feel. I'm kind of like a drug dealer and that as long as I get you on heroin, I don't care how you came to like it. So when people say to me, oh, I only knew you from your failed line of designer jeans in 1996, I'm like, I don't care as long as I got you in the door. But now I feel like I have to apologize because I'm responsible for getting you hooked on this heroin. You know what I mean? Yeah, because you were a Gourley fan, right? You listened to Gourley's podcast. Which one? Yeah, okay. Okay, so Matt, genuinely, I am a bit starstruck talking to you.

4:04Oh, come on. No, I'm liking this. This is good. This makes me so uncomfortable. You're so sweet. I understand that, but I do have to say it. But you and I had a brief interaction on Twitter, actually, back when it was Twitter a few years ago, where I said that you were more instrumental in forming my comedic voice than anyone else. and that's through me listening to the James Bonding podcast. Oh my God. From day one, over and over actually. I've re-listened to the entire run, I think maybe six or seven times. Wow. And it was when you were talking to Mad Myra about working with Conan that I was like, oh shit, Gourley's got another podcast?

4:45Let me check the Conan thing. Oh yeah. He's got another podcast with Ugly Face from the Office cameo. I believe I said Greg Kilborn. Yeah, Weird Name Ugly Face. from the cameo. Well, I'm gonna, Sid, you are, I honor your love of Gourley. He's very talented, very funny. And this is all, a great day in my life occurred when I met this gentleman. And so, no, no, seriously, I'm, this is all not gonna irritate me. It's not gonna irritate me at all. Yeah, you seem fine. I'm gonna get over this. uh speaking of heroin i'd like just a little taste right now i want to disassociate from my emotions at the moment uh no but that's great i'm glad but let's let's we'll go back to gorley but i want to find out a little bit about you okay because part of the whole reason for this uh podcast where i talk to people around the world is to find out what they're up to and then we can return to the great Matt Gorley.

5:51Tell us about yourself. What do you do? Are you native to Budapest? Tell us about yourself. Matt, is it okay if I answer that question? Yes. I will allow it, but you've got 20 seconds, then we get back to me. Well, okay. So I'm not native to Budapest. Good pronunciation, by the way, Conan. Thank you. It's the one thing I - You know, I have such an ugly face, I have a lot of time to get pronunciations right because no one invites me out. But go ahead. I don't want it to be on the record that I find you ugly because I don't. I find you to be a very attractive man. So let's just get that out there.

6:29Yeah, so I'm originally Indian. I left there when I was very young, when I was eight. And I was basically raised in central eastern Europe. I lived in Prague for a couple of years. And for the last 25 years, I've been here in Budapest. So I'm essentially a local here, but I don't present as such, obviously. Do people in Budapest think that you are a tourist often? You know, when I was a teenager, they thought I was a member of the Roma population. And so they would kind of get a little bit nervous that I was going to, you know, steal something from them or behave in an unsavory way or whatever.

7:08Did you live in America because of your accent? Are you asking because of the accent? Yeah. Yeah, so there's an American school here, and that's where I went to school. Oh, wow. But I mean, the fact that you put that accent... So you've been in the United States. You spent a lot of time here? No, you went to an American school. There's like an American international school here in Budapest. That's where I went to school. Wow. That's very impressive that you would... I mean, honestly, I feel like if I was just talking to you on the phone, I'd feel like you were from Rhine, New York. Yeah, yeah.

7:40Or, you know, it's just, it's incredible that you, a school can provide that. Yeah, did movies and James Bond movies have anything to do with that? I know they're English, but. Well, the, it's weird. It was more cartoons, actually, because when I left India, it was, you know, a lot of cartoons. But, you know, the Bugs Bunny's and the Cartoon Networks of the world. But, you know, obviously I still, when I speak to my family, I still speak with an Indian accent. So I like code switch. But that happens. I go back to Boston. I haven't lived in Boston since 1981. But I mean, I haven't really been. That's not true.

8:211985. But when I drift back to Boston, I find certain things coming out. I'm much more abrasive. Intolerant. The Bill Burr in you comes out. Yeah, suddenly. Little short quips and short breaths. I'm an insane driver suddenly. So that can happen. What do you do for a profession? What is your... What's bread on my table? So I'm the head of marketing for a cheese company, which is run by my childhood friend. So he's the CEO. It's like a family-run company. So I'm their head of marketing. On the side, I also dabble in stand-up. But yeah, but obviously that doesn't pay anything. Well, I don't know.

9:08I mean, it might. Is there a thriving standup scene in Budapest? You know, it's not bad. It's pretty good. But I guess the market for it is kind of limited because you have a couple of filters. You have, number one, people who are interested in comedy, which in a former Soviet country is also questionable. There's people interested in comedy, people who are interested in comedy who speak English, people interested in comedy who speak English who actually want to go to a basement bar on a weekday. So there's a few levels. But, you know, we draw a crowd. There's a few very talented people that I admire a lot.

9:48And yeah, it's pretty good. It's an up and coming scene. It's been active for, I guess, at most, maybe 15 years. Why don't you do me a favor? It'd be a nice thing to give a shout out to some of your favorite comedians that you that you see in the budapest scene and your favorite cheese we want a pairing of best comic with best cheese but seriously just quickly name a few people so that are maybe some of our listeners someone out there might hear about this and then we might discover somebody oh trust me i'm gonna tell them about it all right so shout out as well said your full name too so people can come see you yeah what's your full name Hey, Sid Murti Thank you very much There was no applause Please, please, settle down I'll edit some in Thanks, Carly Alright, so shout out to Rom, obviously, who's a big Conan fan, Kitty Hey, let's put the light on Rom No, we don't have time for that What is Rom's full name?

10:48What's Rom's full name? He would prefer to remain anonymous He'll go far

10:56he hires a publicist alright here's what we're gonna do I'd like to be anonymous what? what are you talking about? what's your name? this is unimportant can we have a photograph of your face? no they want you in a film, I won't do it, I might be seen it's actually a little bit relevant because he's an outspoken Iranian not in Iran so if he's seen as talking shit about the government then he can be called back and, you know, dangerous things may happen. Does he wear a disguise when he performs, like the unknown comic? No, the disguise that he wears is remaining in relative anonymity in a pretty small comedy scene.

11:35It's so funny, I asked for a shout-out. And by the way, we hear from fans in Tehran. We have fans in Tehran, and a shout-out to them because I know they've been going through a difficult time. And I'm talking about the people of Tehran. There's a lot of young people out there and some of them are listening to this podcast. And I think it's relevant to say that we've been hearing from them. And it's so funny that you're saying. So there are people in Iran who are listening to this podcast. And I say, let's give a big shout out. Let's put the spotlight on one of your friends who you think is really talented.

12:20And you mentioned a guy who's in hiding. And am I right? So he can, he has to like fight a certain amount of success. He can't be too good because if he becomes known, then he's in danger. So he has to be like a mediocre comic to stay alive. Trust me, I'm familiar with this process.

12:40That explains a lot. There aren't a lot of people out to get me, but there are some, that's why I've kept it at kind of B, B, B minus celebrity status. Okay. It's very comforting to me. He's been given the tonight show, but don't worry, he'll be off very soon. You know what? It's been a long enough time that I can really laugh at it and no I can't. Sid, now I'm coming after you. Bring it on then. Yeah. Oh wow, okay. I can't wait to jump out of a mailbox in Budapest and attack you. It'll just be with like a wet stuffed animal that I hit you with.

13:28so the cheese business you're doing that i don't yeah i'm gonna take a wild stab and say i don't think you take that business very seriously i don't think it's your passion you how can you take cheese here who does take cheese seriously like apart from jordan my father-in-law and And Jordan Schlansky. Oh, yeah. They would take cheese very seriously, yes. But there are people out there, I'm not saying I approve of them, nor do I approve of my father-in-law, but Jake, if you're listening, I'm after you too. But there are people that take cheese very seriously. I mean, you can pick any object and there's someone in the world who takes it very seriously.

14:08So there are people, is it a profitable cheese concern? Is it doing well? It is. It's doing very well. It's thriving. We sell a lot of cheese in the Middle East, actually. So the company is owned by a Lebanese family here in Hungary. What a melting pot this is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of course, an Irish guy sweeps up afterwards. You've got everyone working for you. So, and the cheese is good. You're backing the cheese. How many kinds of cheese do you make? tons um and we also invent new kinds of cheese as well really so what's a new kind of cheese i thought there were just the cheeses that exist that are always on a plate when you you know go to a nice party and they put out the cheese course and there they are there's the blue cheese there's the uh soft cheeses the breeze yeah but but there's the cheddar there's but are there really that many kinds of cheese there are countless types of cheese i mean like if an accident happens with like your milk and acid levels, then boom, that's a new type of cheese.

15:12So like you just sort of improvise. But it's, you know, different like consumption methods or whatever. Could you theoretically invent like a Conan cheese? Yeah, could you make a cheese? Or he's going to want to make it about you. It's going to be a Matt Gorley cheese. But I think cheese is much more appropriate for you. Okay, that's good. That's good. Do you make rods up the ass? like a stiff rod up the ass. Because then we could name that after Matt.

15:46New ass stiff rod. We call it the Gourley. But it's signature? It's signature model. I'll take it. And it's made of a fine ash. Okay, all right. Their quality is superb. I worked with the designer and I approved this stiff rod up the ass. It's the Matt Gourley signature. You're looking slightly uncomfortable, but also you're a little pleased. You're having a low level of erotic high. Yeah, maybe you can make a cone and cheese and we could maybe profit together from this venture. Well, okay, good, because this is kind of what I do. So every year, so here in Hungary, our most popular, profitable, whatever you want to call it, type of cheese is halloumi, which is like a Mediterranean type of cheese which is really popular in the Middle East as well.

16:38And every year we introduce two new flavored halloumi products. This year we did a tandoori one and tomato and basil. Kind of basic ones. But we like to go for more and more, I guess, shocking, surprising flavor combinations. Well, I am shocking and surprising. So what I want to know from you. Well, that's really true. And I don't know. I'm getting a lot of like citrus energy from you. Oh. Yeah. I'm very acidic. I also have me with any medication and the medication will be less effective. There you go. And I mean, that's just part of my personality. It's there though. What's that? Well, orange, orange hair.

17:26Orange hair. Vitamin C, C for Conan. Yeah. It's acidic. Oh, there you go. This is very good. Matt, and there's a reason you love Matt. I don't get it yet, but I'm gonna listen to this podcast he's got. Please don't. I'm going to. Please do not. Please do not. I think an orange flavored cheese, and maybe we add some other things that are very Conan-y. Yeah. If it could look like it has some kind of spotting or freckling that would, my arms are just riddled with. Yeah, okay. That would be maybe like rose petal. Rose petal, that would be pretty good. Yeah, some kind of bacteria.

18:04Just add a little salmonella in there. Or just some Lucky Charms. Could you put some Lucky Charms in there? Oh, the marshmallows from Lucky Charms. I mean, we can think. How about fruit pebbles, right? That's your go-to? I like a fruity pebble. I wouldn't say it's my go-to. It is what they're going to find coming out of my mouth when I'm found dead. Yeah. In a hotel room. You have to have it removed from your house. Yeah, exactly. I did. We had a whole box of it. A crate. And I said, get this away from me. And then I accidentally bought you more, and you would have thought I brought him a gun.

18:34Yeah. Get that away from me. Depressed guy with a gun. Well, I think that's a possibility. Maybe we could get into business together. Yeah, let's do that. You can have whatever cut you want, because I'm salaried, so I don't get a cut of anything. Whoa. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'd like you to see a little something. And also, I think, to be fair, we should cut Matt Gourlian as well. Oh, seriously. Great, I'm in. Okay, let's do this. You brought me Sid. You were the entryway drug to the much harsher and of course much sought after Conan drug. So yeah, I think that Matt should also participate in the profits.

19:15Yeah, okay, so we'll do this. We'll do the Conan cheese, which is with orange and salmonella. Done. Very good. I can't wait for the ads for this. We'll have, there'll be no return customers. A wave of strange salmonella deaths in the cheese loving, experimental cheese loving community. All right, well Sid, you've been terrific. It's been really nice to get to know you. You've been really terrific. Yeah, I've been really terrific. I want to just say. And you've reawakened my love of Matt Gourley, which has been dormant for a very long time. Has it ever even? Well, I'm saying it goes back to before I even met you.

19:58It's like Ali's comment once every 80 years or whatever it is. But Sid, very cool to meet you. And best of luck to you. And maybe we'll cross paths someday. That would be really fun. Hey, I'd love to have you here in Hungary. You know what? It gets a bad rap in the media. All you hear about is how horrible the government is, which it is. and it's relevant that we're recording this now in June, which is Pride Month, where the rights of queer people are being stamped on every day. But you know what? There are good, solid people that don't get spoken about and they're lumped in with all the horrible people.

20:37And I think that Hungary deserves a shot. Hungary deserves your presence in it. And I think that you'll find a lot to love over here. Well, I think that's true. of so many countries where the leadership sends you one signal, but there are lots of good people there. Lots of good people there. And that's a good point that you make. And so my shout out to Hungary and to all the people there and very, I just love getting to talk to people, sensitive, funny, smart, creative people from all over the world who represent what's possible. So thanks for reaching out to us. Thank you for doing what you do, Conan.

21:19I think you've added more positivity in the world than you really realize. Your episode in Haiti in particular, and in Ghana as well, were very moving for me. And I think that you shed a light on the goodness of humanity in ways that will only become clear in a few decades. So your impact is felt. But I'll still be alive. Yeah, because the rod up your ass.

21:48You owe me for that. You know what saved you? The rod up your ass. Your left ventricle collapsed, but the circulation kept moving. All right. Hey, Sid, thanks for those kind words. And maybe we'll see you soon. Take care, man. Absolutely. Hey, would it be all right if I took a picture? Is that okay? Yeah, let's do it. So let's just do a screenshot. Fuck it. Hey. Thank you guys so much. Really appreciate this. I love you. And say hi to your friend who's a comedian, but not too loudly. All right, take care. Kind of whisper it. Thank you for everything, Matt. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovcesian, and Matt Gourley.

22:26Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

22:38Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.