Niecy Nash Betts

23:28And I'm like, I could work on characters while I answer the phone. Well, guess what, guys? You can't. you're not supposed to do that i'm like good evening where you want to go now and that lady in that tower would always point her finger and be like and everybody would laugh at me because i'm like ah she getting in trouble again you know and i you know yeah so yes to your point if we were at the bank it's so funny you You mentioned that because when I'm on any call and they say, by the way, you know, I'm trying to like activate a credit card or trying to do something. And they say, this call is being monitored.

24:09I feel I got to take it up a notch because, you know, they know my name and I think, well, I, you know, they might be listening to this later on. So I got a, so that's when I start sticking it up a little bit. And sometimes they're laughing, but other times they're like, we just want to finish this process. And no, we're not going to all gather around later. And listen to your really funny observations about American Express or, you know, MasterCard. No. Hey, everybody come. I just talked to Conan. He gave me some good stuff and it's been monitored. Let's check it out. It's not gonna happen. It's just people at work who just wanna go home.

24:45They just wanna go home. That's it. They wanna get this idiot his credit card activated. So you said you could do improv and then quickly realized, yeah, I can do it. Of course I can do it. I'ma figure it out. You know what I mean? But, you know, it's so funny because when I auditioned for Reno, I did not know enough to know that you should kind of like work on a bit. You should workshop it, see where the jokes are and, you know, that kind of thing. I just didn't know enough to know. So when I got the call back, I was like, I could do the same thing I did last time. I said, but I found this handkerchief in the backseat of my car.

25:23And I was thinking about something on the way over here called Carol the Slave. Y 'all want to see? They said, do we and do it now. You know what I mean? And so it was just that by the seat of my pants, because what I knew for sure, I don't know if you're going to book me on this job, but I know my ass is funny. Now, I know that I do know. So I did not fear the thing that I was the most comfortable in. You kind of you kind of know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, you know, advantage, disadvantage. I don't know. I just feel like people want to work getting back to those kids with people that they like at the end of the day.

26:00Yeah. You know what I mean? You you your first, you know, a minute is just to get them to like you. Yeah. You know what I mean? And not have that desperation that stinks up the room like, oh, my God, if you don't do this, I'm going to have to move back to Nebraska next week. If you know what I mean, if I don't get this job. But just like this is who I am. You know, it's funny because you brought up something else too, which is, especially in comedy, but I think true in a lot of things, confidence. If people get the sense that you are okay, like an audience will look at you. And if they know, hey, I'm fine with whatever happens.

26:34I got this. They relax. It's kind of a salesman job, but they relax and think, wow, Niecy knows what she's doing. You know, we just brought her in and boy, is she relaxed and boy, is she confident. It almost, it makes it happen. I think. Listen, my grandmother used to tell me, I remember I had a baby and baby, I don't know what happened. This body ran away from me and it was it was meaty, cheesy and greasy. And I didn't feel I didn't feel comfortable and I didn't feel confident. And my grandmama looked me dead in my eyes. She said, baby, when you's the only naked woman in a room, you looks good.

27:12I said, OK, grandma, mic drop. Let me take my clothes off right now. You know? That's fantastic. Sometimes you just gotta, you know what I mean? You gotta roll with what you got. Yeah. Well, I've been doing that. I'm controlling what I got. Did you get confidence like that from your mom? I don't want to make my mom feel bad, but no, I didn't. I just wanted to take a moment and make your mom feel bad. I know, it's different. But you're right, after you have a baby, because I had babies a couple years ago, and you feel very differently about it. So it's nice to know somebody said that to you when you needed to hear that, you know?

27:53Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all those confidence boosters. How many kids? You have three. You have three kids. And how old are they? What's their range? I think my son, did he just have a birthday? Yeah. You know, you start to forget. I have two kids and I can't even recall their names at this moment. Yeah, my son is 32. I have a girl that's 27. Wow. And a baby girl that's 24. Did they show the same interest in doing what you're doing? Yes. Yeah. All wanted to do it. Yeah. But also, too, I think when you grow up with your mom on TV, if you're good at your job, you make it look easy. Yeah. You know what I mean?

28:31It's like, you know, my mom can do that. I can do that. You know what I mean? And it wasn't unusual to sit down on a Saturday morning and, oh, oh, my mom is hosting Clean House. That's on. Skip, skip, skip. Oh, Reno 911 is on. My mama not going to let me watch that. Skip, skip, skip. Oh, my mama was in a movie that's, you know what I mean? It wasn't unusual to find me somewhere on television. And so very early on, they all were like, oh, pick me, pick me, pick me. Because they just think that's normal. You made it normal. Yeah. And it was like, that's what I want to do. And so they're all in some sort of entertainment right now.

29:08Yeah. All of them. When my boy was, I think he was four years old, and he saw me do some big show in a big venue, and afterwards he turned to my wife, and he said, when I grow up, I want to do something that doesn't happen in a theater or with people. And I thought, man, I must have been bad. And to his credit, he loves comedy, and I think he likes what I do, but that was not his thing. Not his thing. But he knew right away. He saw his dad making a fool of himself on the Beacon Theater in front of a couple thousand people and said, nope, that is not for me. I'm not doing that. I love it. And I've worked with my kids, too.

29:50We had a reality show at one point together. And I really only did that for them just so you could get a taste of it. You got to get up in the morning. You got to do this. I want to show you what it is. But all of them have at some point or another been cast in something that I've done. My youngest daughter played my daughter in the series Monster, the Jeffrey Dahmer story that was on Netflix. That was my real daughter. She also played a younger version than me in a TV show that I had called Claws. And my middle girl guested with me on a series that I just did called The Rookie Feds. And so my son was with me on The Soul Man.

30:34Like they've all at some point or another experienced it through your lens. Uh-huh. Which is good. You know what I mean? And so I was like, I'm a show you, but I'm not show manager. You know what I mean? And I'm not finished. I'm not going to try to run your career and tell you what you need to do. You want to do a self tape. I read with you, but I'm not calling around town to get you a job. That's your job. Right. You know, because when I'm dead and gone, if I'm the only person who ever gave you a job, what are you going to do? Right. You know, so you got to learn it. And if you really want it, time is going to tell.

31:09That's how I parent. Well, I was going to ask you for a job, but now I'm not going to. Well, you might be different. No, I'm not. I had the experience recently of doing something that was more serious on this project and hasn't come out yet. But I was very self-conscious about it at first because it's very different. You know, if your whole life is listening for the laughs and then you've got to inhabit this other space where you've got to just actually sense if it's working or if it's not working and it's gelling. And I'm wondering when you first were switching over, did you feel when you were doing dramatic parts, did it feel at all alien to you or is it just like a duck in water?

31:54When I first started, yes, it felt foreign to me because it was a muscle that I didn't get to exercise in my craft. You know what I mean? I could take a multicam script and read it in the car at the stoplight and get to work and already have three choices. You know, leave them wanting more. You know what I mean? I'm going to do this in front of the live audience. I'm going to do that for this and I'm going to give them another. You know what I mean? Because it was such in my DNA. But the other part, I never forget, honey. Let's get back to mamas. My mama told me, she said, now, you know what? You real funny.

32:26And you got that natural. You got that. But on that drama side, you need some work. You don't do that too good. So here's what mama's going to do. Wow, she said that to you. She said, I'm going to work overtime, okay, to get the money. You find the best class in town, and I'm going to pay for it. Because if you're going to do it, you do it right. That's what my mother said. That's incredible. That's when I went somewhere and tried to figure it out. And I was so lucky that I found then a class where you used to bring a VHS. Children, that's a videotape. There were these machines. But you could take it home.

33:04And the old days, they were a big brick. That's what I had, the old days. Yeah, just the big quarter inch. I mean, it was, or three quarter inch, I think. It was a big, it was like a piece of concrete that was your tape. Right on up in there. And I would go back home and just watch it and see what I could do different and try to, you know, try to watch it. But now you can also because you know what we look for. We're looking for the reaction to make sure we did the bit. But you see it in the face of the crew. You see it when you when you do a scene and you know if it's popping or not. When a crew is like, yeah, you know what I mean?

33:42Or they choke up, you know what I mean? They walk off, you know, when they stop eating for a second. The fried bread, you know you got them. That's it, that's it. When they drift away from the craft food service table, you know you got them. That part. Yeah, I always used to try and, I mean, this always relates more to comedy, but when I was working on anything, I knew that if it was at a venue where there's wait staff or anybody, if they're hanging out watching and they seem to be chuckling, that meant more to me than anything. I felt like, okay, these are people that aren't, they're not here to laugh.

34:20They don't have to laugh. They don't even have to listen. But it's a very different vibe. Indeed. But yeah, it's interesting that you mentioned that with the crew. Like they're people and they will pick up and they see a lot. They see people come and go. Oh, yeah. And you can see if you've got them, that really means something. It means something. I'm just curious, what kind of acting classes did you take? Was there a certain method that you were learning? or um I don't even remember the the teacher or anything I just remember taking a class where you had to bring your your videotape in yeah every week and then you know they would tape you and then you know watch it back and critique you and tell you all of the things and then I just kept I just kept trying and trying and trying and I really just felt like I wanted to get it right and where it turned a corner for me was the series that I did on HBO called Getting On.

35:18Yeah. That was where it turned a corner because even though it was a comedy, I guess, a workplace comedy. It's so interesting because I love the show, but it's also, it's so funny because we're in this new world now where I think it's harder and harder to label things a comedy or a drama because Getting On could be really funny but also very touching and then just heartbreaking. So I don't know what you would call it, but yeah, but it, it was playing. I was always so broad, all of my bits, all of my stuff that I had done before that were always so broad. And this was so small, so panissimo. So to me, it, it very much felt like if you play the scene for real, it's a drama for me.

36:05You, you, you play it for real. You don't play it for the joke. and you say it with as much of a straight face. You're not waiting for the ba-dum-bump. The lines are just rolling into the next one. And I was like, oh boy, this is... And I remember the producer coming in. He says, hey, listen, I know you've never done anything like this before, but if you play your cards right, you, lady, will be on the E-list. And I thought, my God, Kathy Griffin is on the D list. What's lower than that? What? Do I want to be on the E list? You'll someday maybe get up to Kathy Griffin's level. Weird thing for someone to say.

36:51But then he kept talking, and I was sitting there just about to cry. And I was like, he really thinks, he doesn't think that much of me. And he said, because when you get nominated for that Emmy. I said, oh, E list. Oh, Emmy. Yes, I got it. Yeah, I got it now. I was like, oh, yeah, but that was after I died inside.

37:14And he was right, you know, and I and I got the nomination. So he was right. Our culture just so avoids older people and so avoids, you know, and and to a point where if you look at ads and you drive around, you just look at magazines and everything, you'd think that old people didn't even exist. and it's for a show to actually make the whole focus about that. The elderly. Oh, I love it so much. That stage of life. But then also, I think that's why the humor was such a relief on the show. You could create that tension and then things were that much funnier to me because you're dealing with such a third rail topic.

37:53One of the ladies in the show, I was in the scene with her and they kept trying to yell and tell her she was talking too loud. And he said, what? And tell her she's talking too loud. And I said, well, he just wants me to let you know you're talking, you know, too loud. You could talk a little softer. Oh, that comes from my years in Vaudeville, dear. I was like, okay. I said, all right. That's awesome. So at lunchtime, we talked about Vaudeville. I would tell me everything. I killed it in 1911. this this latest movie that you did origin it was based on this book cast you know cast cast well cast cast uh i want to differentiate it from cast meaning most people thinking cast of a show or something and that's how it's pronounced but it's talking about this levels in society you know and it it was this book that really talked about how calling a situation racist is really kind of almost oversimplifying it because we all have different ways of marginalizing people.

39:01Yes. And I thought that was a really cool idea. And so David Verne turned it into this movie. Yes. Which is this beautiful idea. And it's a very different kind of movie. In a lot of ways, it's not afraid to try everything and anything to get the message across. us yeah you know it was so interesting because now let's say you know that's a it's a very deep thought-provoking film but when Ava called me she was like you know I have this movie and I wrote this part with you in mind um how cool is that by the way well first of all it's amazing yeah uh second of all I this is where the the wheels fell off of it though she's like yeah you know I I uh I need you to bring some lightness and humor to it.

39:50I said to this movie, this is the, you know what I'm saying? This is a tearjerker. You want, what do you want? You know, and so she said, but that's why I need just a little brightness in it. And that was where we really had to trust each other. I said, well, you know what I mean? I can give you some sauce for the ribs, but it's not on the page. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I have to find it just in character. But also talk about trust. You're making a movie that is about the most electrifying, upsetting topic in the world today. And that is really what the movie is all about and the different ways that people dehumanize and degrade each other.

40:36and then you're being asked by not just anybody, but Ava DuVernay too, can you lighten this up a little bit? And there's no, it's not like you're doing it on stage in front of a couple thousand people who will let you know that you're doing it the correct way. That seems terrifying to me. You're going to find out later on when it's all put together, whether what you were doing looks right or feels to somebody insensitive or off the mark. But you also got to trust your gift. That's another note you can tell them kids downstairs. Trust your gift. I'm taking these for myself. I know you need to listen.

41:15Screw those kids. I'm writing everything down. Yeah, you know, trust your gift because at this point, I know my instrument and I trust it. You know what I mean? And even in the scenes where I had scenes with Andrew Newellis, our lead, who did such a beautiful job in this movie, where I had to we had to look at photographs. And, you know, they were just, you know, like little pickup scenes to get us into the scene. Like it said, we find them laughing. Well, you know me. I'm like, at what? You know what I mean? Andrew done cried through the whole movie. So I know she don't got jokes. Here I come.

41:57I'm ready. I'm ready. So what I did was because I told her a different story every time they said action, a different make me up story. So her laughs in those moments were real. Were genuine. Yeah. And it was like my little gift to her because you have, you know, you have suffered so much loss in this film. You know, you're crying through this movie. You know, you're going, you know, traveling across the country, revisiting all of these painful parts of history. And this is the least I could do. that this night we sat at this table to give you a little, you know, a little relief from that. You know what I mean?

42:44And I took pride in that. I said, you know, that's my job, to provide provision for the vision in this moment. And that's what it called for. It's pretty, do you ever just even take a second and look back at your journey from you making your mom laugh to you're working on, it's a really beautiful arc, working on these projects now. You know, it's a crazy journey. When you look at the whole thing, because anyone can take one section, they can go and watch Origin and see you in that and go, oh, that's cool. But when you see the whole journey, it's pretty mind-blowing. It brings tears to my eyes, you know, to be honest with you.

43:25Because I'm like, it's what it says to me and what I say to my children and them kids downstairs is that dreams come true. They absolutely come true. You know what I mean? And if you look at me, you know what I mean? You know, somebody who had no background in any of it, didn't know what sketch was, improv was. And here I am still 20-some-odd years later, still putting on the baby hair and the booty from Reno 911. You know what I mean? the longest running sketch, you know, bit that has been on television. I mean, it's it's it's mind blowing. But I feel so much gratitude for it. You know, I've always heard it was your idea to put on the prosthetic fake booty.

44:18Is that true? That's a fact. Because you know why? Because the women in my family, I did not see them on TV. You know what I mean? Now you could buy a butt on every corner. You know what I mean? You can buy one on every corner. But then it wasn't popular to have all of the, you know what I mean? And I went to so many booty fittings, like you don't even understand. And they couldn't get it right because they were building it straight back. So I went to my girlfriend and I brought her up there who had, you know, the natural slamma jamma. And I'm like, you see, you got to start from the hips and wrap it around.

44:59So I got the booty right. It was really. I love that you brought your friend in. What was your friend's name? I don't know if I should say it. Okay. You just mean it's a compliment. What am I saying to your friend? Hey, come on over here. I need your ass. I need your ass. Get your ass over here. Literally. Get your ass over here. Literally. And you know, let me tell you something. That friend of mine, true story. Her butt and my up top was how we got to look Prince right in the face. We didn't have tickets to this Grammy party he was at. And so we went around the side and there was a security guard.

45:43I said, girl, you know what to do. She started walking backwards. I started walking forwards. I was like, come on. And we walked over there. So he let us in the back door. So we get in the party and then we lied and said that I'm always lying to get a job. Right. We lied and said she was Prince's cousin. So we go. Oh, my God. The purple one was behind his door. So we knock, we walk up to security like, yeah, we need to get in there. She's like, I'm his cousin. I'm like, yeah, she's his cousin. And he looked at us up and down. He said, one minute. He closes the door and goes. The door opens. It is Prince.

46:26he looked at us and before we could take a breath, he said, nice try and closed the door in our face. I said, but we got to see him. He said, nice try to us. Yeah. That is so cool. And I don't even know what that had to do with the booty. But the point is, it was that same girl's butt. She walked backwards to get in. She walked backwards to get in. The power. That's how she got everything in life. She walked backwards. We denied this card. Oh, yeah? Check this out. But your card works! Conan's so jealous right now. Well, okay, let's talk about this. I have famously, I have no ass. There's just nothing back there.

47:04It's a straight drop. And I'm thinking I should get a prosthetic. Is there something they make for men now? Make sure it's done right. You should bring a friend in who has the right butt and then have them do it. Ding, ding, ding. I don't know. I don't know what the right butt looks like. You want me to call my friend? Yeah, exactly. You should come. And I should say, I want this. But the point I was making is that that butt wasn't popular back then. That body type, not even the butt, just the body type, you know. And I wanted to be somebody that my aunties could look at and see themselves. And so I was like, I want to look like the women in my family.

47:43And I have to tell you, so many men met me in life after and were so disappointed that I didn't have the thing on. They were like, you lost weight. I'm like no I can go get it it's in the back of the car yeah basically just keep it with me at all times you could borrow hers well I don't don't they make something for men no I'm just saying you could borrow the one she uses for Reno 911 alright maybe I can do you have a name for it you nicknamed it I did not but you know my prosthetic one like I have one that I would wear under the uniform But the prosthetic one that I wore with the thong bathing suit, that one, somebody stole it.

48:30You bet they did. It was in a temperature control locker somewhere. If I knew where that was, I'd grab it. I'd take it on vacation. What are you going to do with it? I don't want to talk about what I'm going to do to it. That's my business. You're evading my privacy right now. I buy two airline tickets and the prosthetic ass is in the other one. And we both have a glass of champagne.

49:01When you make yourself laugh, you've gone too far. Come back. Come back from over there. Get from over there. I should be ashamed of myself. The thing is about you, and I've talked to you many times, you're always you. I mean, you've had, I don't think you're any different after all the success. You're such a real person. You're such a force. I think that's the real gift, don't you think? Wouldn't you say that's true? Yeah, definitely. You're just, you haven't, I know people who've had a lot of success and they go through a machine and they kind of, I don't recognize them as much later on. You know what I mean?

49:38I don't know if you've encountered that, but I encounter people who, but you are always you. in the best way. You just like this pure, like I was in a, like I was thinking about it today. Like this is just going to be, we're going to have a really good time. And that's just from experience, just from knowing you. I haven't seen you since I got newly married though. That's right. You got married in two, like two years ago. Three now. Three years ago. Okay. I got married in 2020. I haven't seen you since. And I don't think I've met your partner. Have I? No, you have not. Yeah. No, you have not. You haven't met anyone I was married to.

50:16I mean, I've seen you a couple times. I mean, you know what, I've been married three times. I've seen you at least through two of them. You always made sure that everyone else was gone when you and I met, you know? Oh. You always made sure. My name is Niecy Nash Betts and I feel sexy about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

50:35Your wife is Jessica, is that right? Yes, but I don't call her my wife. Okay. I call her my herzban.

50:44I love that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Yeah. And how did you guys meet? Well, we came to know of each other in social media, but the first time we actually saw each other face to face was on a movie set. But I was married and she was in a long-term relationship. So I didn't think nothing about it. You know what I mean? And then some years later, about four and a half years later, I was divorced. She was out of her long-term relationship. and we went to go eat crabs and the rest is history. Yeah. It's fun. I've seen you in interviews together and you just seem so happy. Yeah. Which makes me happy.

51:19Thank you, friend. It's infectious, this happy thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good time. You know, we are here for a good time, not a long time. So you got to, you know, hit your wagon to something that's going to make you happy. You have so many great sayings. I think you've dropped like 15 great sayings. Yeah. We should pull all of these in the episode and make bumper stickers. I'll see that you get 8%. That's 8%. Not gross. You're so generous. I'm a really, really good guy. You're gonna see that. Well, I can't thank you enough for coming by. This has been - Thank you. Like a shot in the arm. You know, having you as a friend is a big deal.

51:59So thank you. You better know it. Say that louder for the people in the back. You don't see - Say that for those kids down the hall. I had security throw them out about half an hour ago. I thought they've got it too good. Well, thank you so much for being here. And all I wish for you is more happiness and keep spreading your joy. Keep doing your thing. I sure will. Thank you so much. And please, please lend me the prosthetic ass. Just for you. Because no one's ever needed it more than me. Anything for you. Tailors are shocked when they try and fit pants on me. They're like, there's literally nothing back in.

52:37Thank you so much.

52:48A number of weeks back, you really laid into Blay about how he was dressed, right? Yeah, I did. And if you'll remember, we asked him to come back looking his best in a formal suit and as sober a gentleman as he could possibly be. Yeah, I do think there's a generation that's lost its way. and they're always wearing ironic t-shirts and kooky watches and bucket hats and they're not kids anymore. Bucket hats? Yeah. You know what I mean? Just the whole... Oh. Bley has worked with me for a very long time. I knew him when he was a kid and when his attire was appropriate. But for his own sake, I thought it'd be nice if he just took a chance on dressing up in Bley.

53:27Here you are. And I have to say, you look fantastic. Wow. I don't like this. What do you mean? I think he looks awesome. You look very handsome, but this is not everyday play. Well, okay, as you know him, but if you only knew Daniel Craig as a guy that wore - If I only knew Daniel Craig. Keep your nighttime fantasies out of my show. If we only knew Daniel Craig as a guy who wore cargo pants and a hoof-arted T-shirt, and then he suddenly dressed as James Bond one day, you might feel like, I don't know about this. But look, you look good. Thank you. Thank you. I don't feel good. Why? I feel weird, man.

54:10I feel... First of all, I like to be fashionable and I like to be comfortable. There's too many clothes on. I'm wearing too much clothes. Really? Well, there's an undershirt. Then there's this shirt. Oh, I didn't say wear an undershirt. Oh. Who made you wear an undershirt? Well, this is what you wear when you dress up. Yeah. You wear a suit. You don't have to wear an undershirt. Yeah, this is not Bley. This is not the Bley I know. I feel like you're about to drive me to the airport. Thank you. Look, I got nice shoes on. Look at these shoes. You've got a normal watch on. I got a Rolex. I'm wearing a Rolex.

54:40Wait a minute. Where did you get the... It was a birthday present from my mom. Yeah, a little Rolex. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Stop the show. Okay. Your mother on your birthday gave you a Rolex? Is she president? Yeah. What the hell? Well, because she knows I like watches. My mother on my birthday would make me a poached egg. What about me? You always make fun of my watches. And so I thought I'd wear a nice watch. Because you always wear watches where, it's a joke. The watch costs$3. It's bright yellow. It's made of marshmallow. It doesn't tell time. It's from Japan.

55:15It's got a nuclear reactor thing. You gotta count up the minutes. Whatever, yeah. And it's, ah, isn't it funny? I can't tell time. Yeah, okay. Thank you. But your mother gave you a Rolex. Yeah, for my 40th birthday. It's a nice birthday. She gave me a nice, a nice. My whole point being, this is me dressed nice. And I think you look great. I don't see a problem. I came in today. Every single person looked at me weird. Everyone's like, ugh. Like, ugh. No. First of all, everyone thinks I'm either going to a funeral or presiding over a funeral. Well, first of all. Or you're actually the body. Or it's my funeral.

55:48You look like they just popped the casket. Just gave it one last check to make sure if this guy's really gone. Oh, yep. He's dead all right. I don't like. You neutered him. I feel like you neutered Blake. I think, first of all, where did you get the suit? I got the suit, I think, at Macy's. Okay. All right. Well, it looks good. It's a nice black suit. It's a classic. Thank you. Now, I'm just going to say. Thanks a lot. Rolex watch and a Macy's suit. Well, it does say made with recycled polyester on the insides. Oh. It's by Jay Farrar. Classic Jay Farrar. Okay. There's my boy. First of all, you didn't say I have to wear a nice suit.

56:21You just said a suit. That is a nice suit. Thank you. Yes, it's a nice suit. It's recycled. It's recycled. Which may explain why it doesn't feel terrific. Okay. It's because you're wearing 800 liquefied bottles on your back. It is very hot. This suit is very warm. Okay. Well, you chose to wear an undershirt. That's on you. Okay. And can I tell you something? There are ways to dress well and earn the respect of people around you without going this far, meaning you don't have to wear a tie. You don't have to wear a button-up shirt. We told him to come in as formal as possible, though, in his defense.

56:55Well, we wanted to go the other end of the spectrum. Yes, yes. And I am just saying that I want you to consider you're not a kid anymore. Right. Okay. I think I looked it up. I think you were born in 1956. That's close. Yeah. No, no. How old are you? 45. Okay. You're 45. Yeah. You're not a child. Right. And I do sometimes look at you and think, oh, you've got the Peter Pan syndrome. You're still dressing as a child. And maybe that's going to influence your life negatively. Maybe potential partners may not take you seriously. Right. They're going to go into a club. They're going to say, what's going on with this guy?

57:30Right. You know, why is he? At the club. Why is every. This guy's telling this guy he has Peter Pan. Yeah. Well, but can I just. What are you talking about? I'd want him to wear at the club. But I. Club Fantastique. Of course. It's the greatest club down in Melrose. I feel like I don't want to give a potential partner a false bill of sale. A false good. Like they know what they're getting. Right. They know what they're getting. You know what? You know, it's like, and they might like Japanese watches. I don't want to attract someone who thinks I have more than one nice watch. You can still wear those goofy, funny watches where, oh, look, it's a watch.

58:08But guess what? I have no idea what time it is because it has no hands. It just has a face that cries sometimes. I do have one that you can tell the time by feet. Oh, yeah. What's that, Adam? Part of the conversation last time was also around, you know, looking professional in the workplace. Oh, right. So that's one thing I think you do look really good. And there have been studies that say, you know, if you dress for the job, you perform better. Yes. You like lose the stress of wondering what people who wear uniforms often perform better, I think, because they're they're like not looking at what other people are thinking about what they're always liked in show business.

58:43When people took show business seriously and dressed up when they came on a talk show, I always thought that was kind of nice. And I think we have an environment here at our company. People are coming in. they know that Conan O 'Brien's gonna be here. Oh no. No, but do you know what I mean? There's an expectation that people will dress up. This is like the comedy Vatican. No, oh my God. I understand what Adam's saying. I'm just, not that I'm insane, but like me being the Pope. Right, right, right. It's headed by a tyrannical figure with only symbolic powers. And then you guys, no, no, I'm the voice of God on earth.

59:19And then you guys are like Swiss guards, you know, you're there and you're holding your pikes. and you're not even like bishops or anything. Oh God, no. No, you're just standing outside with those goofy axes that no one's used in over 800 years. But Blay, I'm just, I think that Adam brings up a good point, which is when you dress the way that you dress, you're just going to have goofy ideas. You're just going to want to go eat a burrito. You're just going to go want to grab your, you know, your Wii controller, Nintendo Switch, Gum Gum, and play your game of Glorgar. All that sounds great, though.

59:59No, no, no. This doesn't sound like an argument. I'm agreeing with you. All that sounds great. You can still do all those things, but dress like someone who commands my respect. Wait, can I say something, though? I think what Adam's saying is, right, if you work at an accountant's office, but if you work for the circus, right? Which we do. Which, this really is an absurd place. The lion tamer is very well dressed. The ringmaster is very well dressed. Trapeze artists in their own way are quite elegant. In fact, most people at the circus are very nicely dressed in their own costumes. Let's say your job is to pick up poop.

1:00:34Like you're a civil worker and you pick up poop. You're not going to dress up in a suit when you're picking up poop. You dress up... But you wear a uniform. You still wear a uniform. Okay, let's say... Even as someone who's picking excrement from the sidewalk as they're living... And by the way, I'm not putting that job down. That's a real job. Are you saying that that's my job? Is to pick up poop? I'm saying that there are certain environments that have certain qualifications. How about this? How about this? Not dressing up and wearing a suit and a tie, but Adam, as the head honcho here, the overlord, the scheming monster, the man behind the mask.

1:01:09We get it. He's a bishop. Yeah. I look at Adam Sachs and I say bishop material. Yeah. Uh, but what I'm saying is, what about like boiler suits that say team cocoa on the back? Wait, you want to wear like coveralls? Hold on. Not hold on. No, that's bullshit. Hold on. What I'm saying is something akin to that. Like what they wear at a nuclear power plant. Yeah, I mean, doctors, nurses, they wear uniforms. Oh, no, what about scrubs? What about scrubs? No, I think producers should wear something. You want to be a Bond villain and you want us all in those, like the army of coveralls and hard hats and galoshes.

1:01:47Yes, I do. I would like it if everyone, Eduardo, if we came up with something that was kind of cool, would you be up for wearing it here at Team Coco? I'd be up for it. I'm on Team Conan on this. Because it would be nice. Look at the way Eduardo's Joe Lakers hat. Yeah. Listen, I used to sell men's suits for a living at Macy's, actually. But that was six months ago. I do believe it's important to dress to impress whenever possible. Now, and all I'm saying is, and you know, look, I love the shirt you're wearing. It looks fantastic. A cranberry t-shirt that's been overwashed. You have good memories from college.

1:02:30What are you talking about? I'm wearing, I'm wearing, It's like you killed a mechanic and then, Not at all. This is a, Came home to his wife and said, I'm home, honey. What are you talking about? I know, is your collar popped up? Is it supposed to be down? Make a decision. Like, what is it? Look, I think I look fantastic. Oh, you popped it up. And I'll tell you something else. I look like I could be a film director. No. I could be a director on a film. You're dressed like Lenny from Of Mice and Men. Yeah. Yeah, well, I just want to see the rabbits. No, your blues are too close. Okay, listen. I like to wear blue because it makes the old peepers pop.

1:03:02And it worked for Sinatra and I think it's working pretty well for me. Before we go, Adam, I do think, I wanna pursue this idea. I wanna see if we can find something that the men and the women are all okay with wearing that's a kind of a standard uniform. I like it. And then I want us, the cameras should be rolling when we break this to Andy Richter. And we watch him physically beat the shit out of me. Do you have to wear this? Well, that's interesting. Yeah, that is pretty interesting. There could be standard host garb. Like hosts have their own standardizing. I will wear something consistently as a Bond villain does.

1:03:35as the Bond villain. Oh, right. Like a Nehru jacket? Yeah, I would wear like a Nehru jacket and not have like a fake white cap that I've had. But then you guys would. I would do it for that. But I do think there's something that we should investigate. There might be a great way. And also, what about young people that are just starting out here, working out here and they're brand new employees? Maybe they have to wear the boiler suit, but then there's a, it's like the army. Then there's a rank above that. I see. But we wear a uniform. Now I'm starting to get on with this. Yeah. Oh, I'm not. Okay.

1:04:05Go ahead. John Wick. You know how like the people that work. Yes. Patching the telephone calls. Yes. They have a style. Yes. And then the Continental has its own style. Guess what? I love, I mean, I love the John Wick films. I would, first of all, you're dressed a la John Wick right now. And that's why I think it looks cool. I love the John Wick style. I see. So what we're talking about is like tiers. Tears. The utilitarian people, the administrative, the talent. Yes. And they're all thematically linked, but they have their own specific look. Are you into it now? I'm getting there. Okay. Okay.

1:04:36And this would be paid for by the company. You would come in. You wouldn't leave in your uniform. You'd come here and change into your uniform. We'd have lockers and we'd change into them. And I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. We'd change into them. And, Sona, you would have to go to your locker and change your clothes. I don't want to do that. Well, you're going to do it and I'm going to be there when it happens. Oh God, no! And I honestly lost me. No! No, I honestly, no, no, no. You won't see me there. There'll be a window. There'll be a window that only I'm allowed to look through.

1:05:10And again, I haven't, I don't, I don't read the papers much and I don't go online much. But I don't see any problem in today's society with me having a little peaky window. Anyway, Adam, get on this. Our productivity is gonna be through the roof. It's gonna go through the roof. We're gonna figure it out. I took a class in college on costume design, so I can work some things up. You know what, guess what? If Gorley's in, I don't wanna do anything to dissuade Matt Gorley. I want you in on this, so yes, you can have a final say. I promise. What final say? Okay, done, I'm in. Are you kidding? Well, looks like I did it.

1:05:52We win.

1:05:57with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

1:06:17Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message It too could be featured on a future episode And if you haven't already please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded

1:06:55Thank you.