Oatmeal Milk

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hey! Hi, Mustafa. Welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. Hey, Mustafa. Hey, Conan. Oh, my God. Son, Conan, Matt. Conan, I'm being a fanboy right now. Thank you for inviting me here. Well, of course. We're very happy to meet you, Mustafa. Tell us, where are you right now? I'm in Baguio City, Philippines. Baguio City, Philippines. Where is that, say? I mean, I know where Manila is. How close are you to Manila? Because now we have a new highway. It'll take you around three to four hours to reach Bagu City.

0:48Okay. If you take the highway. If you take the highway. If you want to go through the scenic route, it will take you seven hours. Okay. What if I was hopping on one foot? Hmm. I never thought of that. Well, you got to think of these things, Mustafa, if you're going to be giving people directions. tell us a little bit about tell us a little bit about yourself Mustafa what are your interests what do you like to do who is Mustafa Mustafa I am trying to be the Philippines greatest action star that is my that is my goal right now I quit my job when I was in Dubai 10 years working for 10 years and you know I said you know what, you know what, I'm going to take a bet on myself and try to be an action star in the Philippines.

1:43Yeah. So I'm half Filipino, half Arabic and half amazing.

1:51I like this. I like that you're betting on yourself. I like that about you. And okay, if you want to be an action star, let me ask you a question. Some action stars are martial artists? Are you trained to be a fighter? I trained to be a fighter. Yes. I'm actually a martial artist. I live the martial arts life. I've been a martial artist ever since the age of eight. And I've been into, I've been a delinquent for so long when I was younger, you know, getting to fights because I was born angry. I just want to fight. And I look different from typical Jordanian. I grew up in Jordan. I look Japanese.

2:28So people were constantly bullying me. And then when I went to the Philippines, I don't look Filipino. So I was also bullied. So I got into a lot of scrap scraps. And when I grew older, I took my shoe. You know what, Mustafa, there's an old, there's a song by Johnny Cash, the singer Johnny Cash, a boy named Sue. And the whole idea is that a man names his boy Sue and then he's picked on all of his life, but he becomes an amazing fighter because his dad called him Sue. So what you're basically saying is you've never felt like you fit in, so you've become an amazing fighter. Well, I don't want to say I'm amazing fighter.

3:06I'm just like, if you want to describe me, I am amazing at protecting my family. So that is my goal right now, is to be amazing at protecting them. Well, that's admirable because if trouble breaks out, I will leave my family. Believe me, I tried, I tried. I will leave them to fight the bad guys and I will take an Uber to the airport and go to a safe haven that I have prepared for myself. Believe me, believe me. I tried, I tried, but you know, people will look at me badly. So I have to keep up the image. Yeah, see I lost all self-respect a long time ago. So people look at me badly now. You got to...

3:45So tell me what kind of martial arts do you practice? I started with karate. When I was young, I trained in karate. I reached almost a blue belt in karate when I was young. I trained in judo and Brazilian jujitsu. I've taken also the Filipino martial arts Arnis. I'm a silver medalist in that. And I've been training in boxing ever since 2003. And then I trained really hard to be an MMA fighter for Arabic league, but it felt good because I got injured. But yeah, so that's... I might be forgetting. Let me ask you a quick question. Do you think some people practice martial arts and they only use it in the gym, but they could never incorporate it into their lives?

4:33Do you think if I jumped out and attacked you from nowhere, you'd be prepared? As much, I hope so, as much as possible. Yes, I am practicing something called zanshin. I'm not saying I am perfect at it. I'm still a student as of now. It is basically zanshin. it means in Japanese martial arts, it's the state of relaxed alertness. So I have to always be prepared. My body has always be prepared. My senses, I never dull my senses as much as possible now outside. So I hope so, but you know. Sanshin it's called because I feel like I practice sanshin in comedy. I am. You do. You do. I am calm, but also always ready for any attack.

5:16Ready for a bit. You're just ready for a bit. Or an attack. I actually believe that. Matt. I actually believe that. But I think that I am calm, but I'm constantly, I know what you're talking about, constantly aware that at any moment the calm could break and I must be ready. Exactly, yeah. Except instead of chops, it's sarcastic aside. Yes, yes. Very similar. Yeah, you're chopping, but the chopping has nothing to do with it. Tell me, what can you tell me? Because I would like to get better at fighting. Why do you laugh? That's very hurtful to me, Mustafa. You hurt my feelings. Why would you laugh?

5:55I know Isona's laughing because she can actually see what my arms look like in person. But why are you laughing? No, no, I'm just laughing because fighting should always be the last option. But yeah, you know. Well, I like it. I want it to be the first option. You know, I'd like to rent this. I'd like to take out this library book. Well, let me check. Bam! I want it now, you know? Punch immediately. I feel the same sometimes. Tell me about the strike. The strike is important, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A strike, oh, I like that form, yeah. A strike should always come from zero to 100. Zero to 100.

6:30You should never telegraph. That was like, I've measured this. This is 22 miles an hour. No. Is that bad? That's not, yeah, it's just a saying, for example, you should never accelerate it like from zero to 10 to 20 or never telegraph your punches. So a punch or strike should always be - It's gotta be instant, show me yours. I don't know if I have space, so if you're here, for example, no, no, sorry, please don't hurt me. Whoa, that was fast. I like that. I like you also play different characters. Yeah, that was really good. Crystal Helgeser. Wait, the guy doesn't want you to hit him, but then you hit him?

7:06Yeah. Is this a scenario? That was a confusing scenario. So I have to do what he said, right? How about this? How about, look at my scenario. Wait, is this oat milk? It's not. Jesus. Egg-gonon, justifiable, justifiable. I will do the same. There's nothing intimidating about what you just did. I wanted almond milk. Oh, if it was almond milk, it'd be intimidating. But no, that was not intimidating at all. It's okay. You're just not that shy. The only scenario I could come up with was a guy who wanted oat milk and didn't get it. And then that's, he has to go. That's his only choice, you know? To be fair, somebody ordering oatmeal, it means he's ready to go for a fight.

7:49No, no, it's oat milk. If somebody's drinking oat milk, right? No, it's not. To be fair. It's not oatmeal, it's oat milk. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Now I'm gonna fight you. I thought you were drinking oatmeal, sorry, sorry. Oatmeal, that's not what I said.

8:10Let me ask you a question, Mustafa, because it's always good to know who the competition is. Is there a, because you want to be an action star in the Philippines. Is there an action star now? Who's the reigning action star? The top action star here in the Philippines, believe it or not, his name is Coco. Martin. Coco Martin. So that's, yeah. Can we look him up? Can we look up Coco Martin? Let's see this guy. And this is the guy you want to replace. He's currently, right? He's, oh my God, that's what? That? Action? He looks like he's from a boy band. Yeah. He is handsome. He's a good looking guy.

8:49He looks like he's here to host Extra. Extra, Extra. Oh, there's a new film coming out. Bad Boys Nine is coming out and we're gonna talk to the cast. Wait, so that's Coco. I think you're tougher than Coco. Yeah. Thank you, thank you. It's actually, when you say that, it makes my heart on fire. I'm gonna punch somebody now. Okay, wow, that's interesting. God forbid you ever fall in love. You'll kill someone. Conan said I'm tough. Yeah, but listen, I believe in you. I think you could be an action star. I think, first of all, back me up on this guys. This is a good looking guy. He's good looking, he's got it.

9:32And guess what? You have a lot of personality and you're clearly well-trained. I think you should be an action star. And also when I see the existing action star you guys have, I'm like, no, he's a weatherman in Denver. You're the guy. You're the guy. You're the guy, Mustafa. Oh, thanks, thank you. And also you appeal to so many different groups. You know, you come from your ethnicity because your ethnicity is mixed. You appeal to so many different groups. That's very cool. You were an action movie villain and you're the hero. If we could just role play real quickly, what that would be like, this is your big chance to shine.

10:11You know, you want to try something right now? Let's do a scene. Let's just say it's always revenge. Okay. So Mustafa, you're just going to be Mustafa. Okay. But early in the film, you were hanging around with all your pals and your buddies and I killed all of them. Killed all of them and you managed to get away. I thought I killed you, but you got away and you've slowly been killing everyone in my entourage. And finally you break into the room where I am. Okay? Uh-huh. And action. Conan, I finally found you. Okay, let's try that again. You go first and do exactly what you just did and action.

10:55Conan, I finally found you. Mustafa, I was told you were dead. Well, I'm not dead because I drink oatmeal milk. Is it correct, oatmeal? I never drank milk. It's correct, I drink oatmeal. You just dropped character to find out whether it was oatmeal milk or oatmeal, which now makes you much less frightening to me. Sorry, sorry, Conan, sorry, Conan. Mustafa, Mustafa, I did fear you when you burst in here and I killed all your friends, but now not so much because you seem so apologetic about which, if it's oatmeal or oatmeal milk. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Yes Conan. You die. Today is the day you die because my fists go from zero to 18 miles an hour in four minutes.

11:49And I'm going to beat you to death. What do you think of that, Mustafa? I think. Wait, I'm lost, I got it. Here we go, here we go. You throw me off Conan, you throw me off. The name of the film is Bring It. Okay. So you just look at me and you say bring it. Conan, bring it. Yes. All right, I go to hit you, you block, right? Block me, yes! Then, thank you for that, that's a great sound effect. Thank you. I'm gonna keep trying to strike you, You keep blocking and Matt, you make the sound effects.

12:25Conan, no. I hate your oatmeal milk. Stop with the oatmeal milk. You never. It was a simple misunderstanding over a zoom. You what? I told you you should drink regular milk. Who drinks that kind of milk, Conan? I'm lactose intolerant. The only thing I can do is switch to... Shut that. What was that? That was the sound of your biceps. Oh, okay. So then you do one roundhouse kick where you twirl around and you knock my head off my body. Mustafa, do it. Okay, but I'm sitting down, so I'm gonna do it via a chair. Okay.

13:09But I gotta turn to that side. Oops, I dropped my earphones and everything. So yeah, I gotta fix it right now. Thanks a lot, Connor, for making me do this. So yeah, technical difficulty guys, sorry about that. I love that, I love that. When we shoot this scene, Mustafa, and I do hope we shoot this scene, we're gonna figure out a way that your character falls into an office chair. Yeah. And then have to do a roundhouse kick, okay? Maybe you catch me and I'm in an office supply store. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Wow, that was really funny. I love that. I think, I'm telling you 100 % God's honest truth, you have charisma, all the best action fighters.

13:51I mean, sorry, all the best action heroes also can be funny. Do you know what I mean? Dwayne, The Rock Johnson is really funny. A lot of these guys are funny and they can play the comedy too. And I think you can do that. But I think you've got what it takes. I really do. Conan, Conan, no joking. No joking. You are really my idol. I really look up to you. And you saying that really humbles me. I'm very grateful for that. When you say I'm your idol, do you mean as a fighter and a physical specimen? No, actually, to be honest, as a comedic genius and as a person, I idolize you. Ever since you were young, ever since I was young.

14:28Well, you know what? That's a very sweet thing to say, Mustafa. And I am going to get in amazing shape because I'd like to meet you. And listen, if I can make you an action star in the Philippines, first of all, I would participate, I think financially, maybe we could work something out. Right? Okay, I can be paid by oatmeal. Okay, enough with that. I won't be mopped on my own show. I will not be mopped. Lifetime supply. Sorry, Colin, I love you, but I love you. Okay, well listen, I'm very excited about this guy. I think you've got a lot of charisma and talent and I'm honored to meet you. I'm really honored to meet you.

15:08And I've never been to the Philippines. I have a friend, a close friend who's from the Philippines. And he always wants me to try. And he says, if I go to the Philippines, I should eat balot. Do you like balot? Oh, I can't try everything, but balot, I die whenever I eat that. You know, every time I eat it, I eat it, like for one second I'm in heaven and I see all the, like I see Jesus Christ and I go, what did I just eat? Wow. So it's like a communion way for you. So you really like balot. What is it? Balot is an egg, like a boiled egg, but they've let the little baby grow a little bit inside the chick.

15:52I've seen these. So when you bite into it, there's a little crunch of 10. A little beak? You get a little beak, you get a little. Yeah, yeah. Yes, this is something that they eat in the Philippines. And guess what? Every culture is different and people love it, right? People love balot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I'm not here to like disrespect anyone, but I cannot eat it. like the taste is okay, but the texture and you see that. Yes, the crunching and then you know what it is. Yeah, exactly. And sometimes it's old enough to go, please no, cheap, cheap. Oh. Don't worry, please. Cheep, cheap, no, cheap, cheap, cheap.

16:26That's the bird. I just think it's alive, but yeah. That's your imagination, you'll be like imagining it. Maybe it survived and it's just like, I could still, okay, I'm kind of cooked, but I could still grow. Cheep, cheap. Too much? I'm kind of toasty. Cheep, cheep, cheep, no, okay, that bite hurt and I lost half my body, but still alive, cheep, cheep. Curse you, Conan, cheep, cheep, cheep. Listen, maybe I went too far, you never know, Mustafa, you never know in my business, because I too am always aware and ready to go in any direction at any time with any movement, but, or not quite far enough.

17:07Mustafa, I wish you well, I really do. And I hope we get to make that action movie someday together. I think that'd be a lot of fun. Thank you, Connor. Thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to talk to you. It's a dream come true. Sona, Matt, it's an honor to meet you guys. And I will cherish this for the rest of my life. And if you're in the Philippines, I would gladly have you here and please visit the Philippines. You'll have fun here. I think I would, I can't wait. I'm gonna do it someday. I really do. We'll get into our fight scene together. Oh, we're gonna do our fight scene and I'm going to work out for the first time in my life.

17:38Mustafa, you take care, be well, and I hope to see you soon. Hope to see you soon as well. Thank you everyone for inviting me. It's a great honor. Thank you. Have a nice day. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm Engineering by Eduardo Perez Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down