OBGYN Baaaaby

0:02The Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle. The best in entertainment in one bundle. This month, stream Pixar's blockbuster family hit Hoppers on Disney Plus. The hit horror comedy Send Help on Hulu. And season three of the HBO original series House of the Dragon on HBO Max. Get the Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle today. All of these and more streaming soon. Available with Disney+. Hulu. Max Bundle plans starting at$19.99 a month. Terms apply. Visit DisneyPlusHuluMaxBundle.com for details.

0:42Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype? Yeah, like all the time. Yeah, I did that with an all-potato restaurant. Oh, no. marketers know that feeling they optimize for the numbers that look great like impressions but then they don't see revenue you know what i'm talking about oh yeah all the time yeah linkedin has a word for that bull spend yeah instead you can get the highest roas of major ad networks with linkedin ads cut the bull spend advertise on linkedin spend 250 and get a 250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com slash Conan. Terms apply.

1:28Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit TeamCoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hey, Jessica, welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Hi, guys. Thanks for having me. Hey, Jessica, how are you? Oh, this is a dream come true. I'm having a great time. Okay, well, you're masking it very well. I just finished office hours. I was like, I took a propanolol too. So I'm like beta blocker up, you know? Well, I love my callers to be drugged up. That's the best way. Listen, I'm a doctor. I can get these prescriptions easily.

2:10Jessica, where are you right now? I am in New Jersey, like Jersey Shore, Monmouth County. Okay, very. And you are, it says here, you're an OBGYN. Is that correct? That's right. That's right, baby. Very good. Is that how you always respond when people say, are you an OBGYN? Yes. Right, baby. They're in stirrups and I'm like, hey, baby. It doesn't go over well every time, but. Wow. Okay. I'm a very specific type of doctor. I get very specific type of patients. Yeah. Well, this is, there's so much to talk about here. First of all, have we met before? Because someone said you came to a taping or two back in the day.

2:50I mean, yeah, when I was in high school, I lived in Jersey. We would pop into the city. So I went to a lot of your tapings. Oh, wow. Cool. And yeah, I mean, obsessed. And then my mom has like a ticket stub from one time we went to see you in 1999. Wow. Cool. Oh my God. And we had met Fabio at that taping. Oh my God. Yeah. I should point out Fabio was an intern at the time for our show. Yes. And so we took this picture, it was before Smartphone, so it was one of those throwaway cameras. And then after my mom took the picture with him, he grabbed my mom, dipped her backwards, kissed her on the mouth in front of my dad, and then like walked away.

3:36And then a month later, he got hit in the face with the goose on the rollercoaster. Do you remember his face exploded on a rollercoaster? That's such an incredible, what an incredible sentence. Let's think about that sentence. He dipped my mom backwards, kissed her on the mouth in front of my dad, and a month later got hit on a rollercoaster by a goose. What an amazing, you know, incredible piece of writing that is. It really is. A series of images cascading into each other. At the lampoon, you wish. You wish. I know. Oh, never. I never could have thought of anything like that in my glory days.

4:15So, okay. Well, there's a lot to, as my wife would say, there's a lot to unpack there. So Fabio was kissing women. I hope that's been discouraged on Fabio now. I would have carried a spray bottle around Fabio and sprayed him like a bad cat. Would you spray him with, I can't believe it's not butter. Okay. Remember that was his big campaign. That's right. That's right. He was the shill for I can't believe it's not butter. I would have tongued it. You would have tongued Fabio? My mom would have. She was like, let's go. We're going to go full throttle. Sona would have bent him over backwards. Put your hands through his hair.

4:54Sona's twice as strong as Fabio. Wow. Okay. So that's so nice. I'm glad you came to the shows and I hope you had a good time. Was your dad traumatized by seeing your mom attacked by Fabio? My dad's from Brooklyn, so he wasn't having it. And I think my dad has some sort of superpowers where he put some sort of hex on Fabio. And that's why he got hit by a goose in the face like a month later. This is a pretty famous piece of tape. I guess he was on a roller coaster and his nose is bleeding and everything. And yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there he is bleeding. There it is. And it was apparently a Brooklyn goose.

5:36The goose was paid by your dad. Look how pristine his face was here. Pristine. Yeah, pristine. Never again. Never again. Nope. So I want to talk to you about your profession. You are, first of all, this is an incredible job to have. You're around so many births and you're bringing new life into the world. Tell us about that. Do you get jaded or do you still see the miracle every time? I think the day I'm like, oh, this is not amazing is the day I should just hang it up. Every time I do an ultrasound and I see a heartbeat for the first time for a patient, I'm amazed. Every time a baby takes its first breath and cries, I'm like, this is so amazing.

6:24Shout out to Gorley, who I know is on his paternity leave. He's on paternity leave. So congratulations to him. He's on paternity leave. He's got two children now. And we're all excited for him. And Sona, of course, has experienced this miracle herself with twins. Yes. Yeah. But you got over it real fast. I was just like, let's get on with it. Let's do this. Get them out. Let's go. We got to hit the club. She took her newborns to the club. And I'm all for that, too. Well, I only have one daughter. I was one and done. And I feel like it's because I do so much with my patients. I really live through their pregnancies with them.

7:03And it's a beautiful thing. I wish it happened during normal business hours. I think it's kind of a bummer that they like to come in the middle of the night, the babies. It's pretty rude. Is it true that you've been accused of trying to induce between nine and five? none of your babies are born on any kind of bank holiday they're not born everyone's like oh you have to go play golf or something like i don't play golf like what year is this yeah but yeah so i wish it happened during normal business hours it doesn't but i picked this when i was in my 20s now i'm in my 40s i'm feeling a little old a little schleppy but it's okay i still love it uh so i'm curious there's so many things to what are the things that you do immediately after the birth?

7:48What are the, what happened? The baby's born. And I've been through this twice with my kids. I was there very present, very present for both. Why do you stress it? Emphasize it. You saw things? I saw so many things. And I, and then it's so funny how you can kind of forget, I don't know what, you can kind of almost black out afterwards. And so I'm trying to remember what happens. I mean, yes, there's the cutting of the umbilical cord. The dads black out a lot. They literally pass out a lot. I didn't pass out. Thank you. Thank you so much for that. Because the dads are always falling down and we're always like, we don't have time for you right now.

8:36Little bitches. And just like pick your, right? Yeah. We have smelling salts, like, come on. But the cutting of the cord, yes. the dads like to do that. I'm not sure how that became a thing, but if that makes them feel included, I'm all for it. It's so funny because I didn't ask to cut the cord, but the doctor said, now you cut the cord and handed me the scissors. And I thought, well, am I getting paid here? You know what I mean? I'm serious. When I have a plumber over and he hands me the wrench, I'm like, okay, I want to, am I getting, am I getting a third? so that was my complaint compensated and i'll worry about unions i don't want it to be a union violation right right okay yeah so that was my concern i always tell the dads it's thicker than you think it's like cutting chicken because they kind of like take like little bites out of it but you got to really go for the gusto it's thicker than you think yeah um but the baby goes right on mommy's abdomen we do delayed cord clamping get some blood flow back into baby we want to do that skin to skin for that first hour a lot of bonding our hospital is really about mom and baby bonding and uh but yeah we get them to stimulate and cry and give us that good first really how do you get them to cry do you just tell them sad stuff what do you yes actually i tell them no um a shocking number of americans can't read baby's like what i hold them up and spank them on the butt but we don't do that anymore 40 % of government buildings have asbestos.

10:06Wah! Right. Wah! So I just sometimes flick its little foot, like underneath its foot. You go like this. Yeah. And it pisses them off. Sure. Pisses me off just hearing about it. I know. It's all about pissing the babies off, getting them that good cry. But we have such a great team at our hospital. Our nurses are so great bedside. So I'm very lucky. And I do really love my job.

10:35Well, Father's Day is coming up. Hint, hint. June 21st. We're not your children. What? My children are not getting me anything, so it's up to you guys to get me Father's Day. They have never bought into Father's Day, but you guys are going to. You're my employees and you have to. Well, guess what? Luckily, Macy's has a wide range of options, the expertise to help you find the perfect gift. Macy's is the answer for Father's Day. David, as my sort of surrogate son, the son that I hired to buy me things, I hope that you're prepared for this Father's Day and I hope you've consulted Macy's. Oh, I sure I have done both of those things.

11:20First. Oh, there you go. You love a pun. We got you a shirt that says The Grillfather. I love that shirt because you know what? I love the Godfather movies and I love grilling and they've combined them with The Grillfather. And are you ready to combine it even more? Let's see the next gift. Ooh. A ninja indoor grill. Can I see something? That looks really good. It does. And then, you know, sometimes when you're grilling, you know, you might want to get rid of that scent, that smell. So we got you some Dior cologne. Oh, is that Sauvage? It's Sauvage. Oh, my God. I love Sauvage. And I love that it does mask the scent of charred meat really well.

11:56Yeah. So happy Father's Day from us and Macy's. You know what? I want to say thank you. Those are cool gifts. I love it. Check out Macy's online gift guide for more ideas at macy's.com slash gift guide. When you're on a GLP-1, you often experience a smaller appetite. That means for GLP-1 users, every bite of food should be as nutritious and delicious as possible. And that's where Sprouts Farmer's Market comes in. I knew they'd come in somewhere, and I guess now's where they come in. From nutrient-dense foods to proteins to supplements that help sustain muscle mass and energy levels, Sprouts has you covered.

12:31And with in-store wellness experts available, guidance is always within reach for any GLP-1 journey or broader health goals. Visit Sprouts.com to find a Sprouts market near you. So much I'm looking forward to this summer. Me too. You know what I'm talking about? First of all, July 4th is going to be the 250th anniversary of the United States of America. That's a big deal. And just as important, some pretty big soccer games headed our way. Sport. I don't want to get too specific, but let's say some pretty big soccer games are coming our way. On a global scale. On a global scale, that's all we'll say.

13:09So much to celebrate this summer, so you got to keep a classic with Miller Lite. Miller Lite has been a true American Pilsner and the original Lite beer since 1975. Were you even alive, Mennsomer? No, I was not. Yeah, I think that's good because you couldn't handle the beginning of the Miller Lite era. No. It's too iconic. Okay. Here's my summer, okay? Yeah. Hang with my buddies. Yeah. Hey, this is a really good iconic soccer game that's happening that unifies all the different nations of the world. Mm-hmm. What is it? I don't have time to tell you, but let's have some Miller Lite. Clean, finished, refreshing, easy to drink.

13:42And when it's hot outside, nothing feels better going down than an icy, cool Miller Lite. It's an all-American summer and it starts with all-American beer, Miller Lite. Go to MillerLite.com slash Conan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller like pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Miller Times, celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Have you got an ass? Then Duluth Trading Company is for you. I'm just reading what they wrote, folks. For decades, Duluth has been making workwear for harder workers. You got an ass, Sona?

14:19Yeah, I do. Well, Duluth Company is for you. From highly abrasion-resistant pants to heat-beating work shirts Duluth empowers you to take on life with your own two hands. Ready to bolster your nether regions? What the hell? Duluth's buck naked unders are the no pinch, no stink, no sweat solution when your junk drawer is on life support. Oh, God. They went too far. They went too far. Yeah, and you read it. You read it all. Didn't even ask any questions. I just blacked out and this came out of my mouth. So you do your glutes a favor. Shop at a Duluth trading store near you or at DuluthTrading.com.

14:59Duluth Trading for folks who work their butts off.

15:08What kinds of things could you teach me? You're very hyper aware of the female body and there are probably things, believe it or not, that even I wouldn't be aware of. What? You know what I mean? That's surprising. I don't know. This is a good chance for me to know some things, if you can impart to me any wisdom. Well, I think knowing anatomy is really important. Erogenous zones. What are those? Things that could. Right. Well, man, we got to really start from the beginning. Yeah. Just, I think a big thing that sometimes men don't know is that women have more than two holes. They have three holes.

15:43So that's always interesting for them to know. Wait, what are we talking about here? What are you talking about? Wait, what? Right. No, be more specific because I honestly, suddenly it's a bowling ball. Yeah, urinate through one hole. What's that? Urinate. Urinate, yeah. Peepees? Peepees, yeah. Peepees, poo-poo. Yes, of course. Right? And then baby come out of the vagina. Yeah. So that's three. He's scared of the word vagina. But it's the urethra, the vagina. Oh, really? Urethra, the anus. Anus, right, Sona? we're going to use our doctor words, I guess. I said pee-pee and poo-poo, so. Tell me about your medical school.

16:25Right? How did that even happen? So sure you went to poo-poo, poo-poo you. So, okay, so the erogenous zones, you could help any man know about the erogenous zones. Yeah, where the clitoris is. I feel like that's really, there's a great book. Like there's a clitoris. Listen, there's a book you should read. As far as I'm concerned, that's Sasquatch. You hear a lot of talk, but I've seen no evidence. Here's a blurry photo of a clitoris. Yeah, I've seen that photo. Look. Sasquatch. If you're gonna be talking bullshit on this thing, I am a clitoris denier. Oh no. I, I... We have enough misinformation online.

17:15We can't. We have flat earthers. Now we have clitoris deniers. I love a guy having, he's got a blurry photo from 1938 of a clitoris running between two trees.

17:34See it right there? I don't know. This was taken by a Scottish hiker. Wow. Okay. Well, yeah. Glitter is denied. Wow. I could teach you how to do a circumcision. Oh, okay. Hey, how do you do those? I'm curious. I mean, how do you, how does one, what's the tool that's used for a circumcision? I've been to, I have been to many Brisses and I've many, many Jewish friends and I've been to Brisses, but you can't really see what's going on. And I've tried to fight for good luck and they say that's inappropriate. I've been shoved by rabbis. Because it's weird when a guy is saying, hey, I want to see that kid's dick.

18:23People get freaked out. You know? Yeah. Hey, let me in there. Oh my God. I got to see that kid's dick. People get freaked out. I don't know why. So, and I know that now. I can see why that's an issue. But what is the tool that's used? So different people use different tools. I like to use something called a Mogan. So it looks like a cigar cutter. And you just pull up the foreskin and you go across. And then you clamp it down and then you lop it off with a scalpel. And does the kid cry a lot after that? So no, we actually do dorsal nerve blocks. I'm injecting lidocaine. They get a sugar pacifier.

19:05We play music. It's like a spa experience. So it's not traumatic for the kid. I mean, it might be, they can't tell me, but we try not to make it dramatic. Hey, how convenient for you. Honestly, they're the best patients. Yeah. The, that's interesting. So you do the old chop on the foreskin. Then we have the calamari piece. Yeah, I love this. Yes, you love that. That's your joke, I steal it. That's my favorite joke to do at Briss's, is to say, hey man, that calamari was really good. Cause they always have a meal afterwards. They always serve food at a brisk. And I say, I love the calamari. And then the person goes, we don't have calamari.

19:42And I go, oh. Now that joke works because he ate the foreskin thinking it was calamari. Right, do you get it? Yeah, yeah, I got it. Okay. I'm glad you love that joke. It's not my favorite thing to do though. I don't love to do circumcisions. You know, being an obstetrician - If anyone said that's my favorite thing to do, that's the red flag right there. You know what I mean? And I try to avoid penises. be doing what I do. And then they're like, oh, you have to do surgery on the smallest penis possible. You know, so that's a little weird. I don't remember booking an appointment with you. Oh my God.

20:18Home run, home run. It's a well for you, just a deep well. You are so happy. So let's do the chart on this conversation. I'm the guy with the smallest penis in the world who insists on checking out a kid's dick at a brisk and doesn't believe there's a clitoris. Right. That's gonna go on your tombstone. Yeah. This is, I lay out comedically, no one lays out more awful information about themselves than I do. I don't know why that delights me. But, you know, I will say on the serious side, that is, what an incredible job to have. Because I do think in the modern world, we get removed from, we get removed from birth and death.

21:09We've anesthetized ourselves to it. And so it's amazing to just to be around so much new life would be, I think, very affirming, right? Be pretty amazing. And it just keeps going. You know, during COVID, we were delivering babies nonstop. That does not stop. So even though we felt like the world was ending, you saw that it doesn't, it just keeps going. Life is just going to keep rolling along. And it really grounded me and helped me to see that there's so many beautiful things happening every day, even though it felt like the world was ending. You guys were a huge part of what got us through COVID, too.

21:44Just listening to your podcast was so important. Kept us laughing, kept us going. And now that we're through that, I definitely have a deeper relationship and understanding with my patients. And I love what I do. I love what I really do love my patients. I get to practice where I grew up. So I feel connected to my community. and I'm very lucky. That's cool. I think it's great. I love that you were this teenager coming by, checking out our goofy tapings, and now I'm talking to you all these years later, and you're just, you're a very impressive person, Jessica. Really, seriously. And very cool to talk to you, and I love talking to people that have these jobs that are just so impressive.

22:31Yeah, as a woman, And the relationship we have with our OBs is such an important relationship. To be able to say whatever we need to say about our bodies, it's awesome. I mean, I love my OB. You know, it's awesome. I'm not crying. My voice is doing something weird. So you're saying you don't have that relationship with me. You don't feel like you could tell me anything about your body. Absolutely. Do you want to hear about perimenopause and all the symptoms that I'm having? I don't want to hear about any of it. See, this is the problem. You don't want to hear about, like, the word vagina scares you.

23:03I don't want to, we're not doing this right now.

23:09To quote my father, we're not talking about that right now. Not right now. He would say that about any time anything came up, that he didn't want to deal with it. Like, we're not talking about that right now. Oh, I guess we're not. Never. Well, Jessica, really lovely talking to you. And I hope we - This was a dream come true. You guys are all awesome. I hope we cross paths in person. That'd be really cool. And then we can hear more about this fabled clitoris. I can draw you a picture. Yeah. Might as well draw a unicorn as far as I'm concerned. Thank you for your time, guys. I'm an idiot. Thank you, Jessica.

23:47Bye. A dream. Have a great one. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovcesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Byrne. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.

24:53I'm talking six new all McCafe drinks. Did you know that? Six. Crafted sodas made with your favorite sodas and topped with velvety cold foam, like a Sprite Berry Blast made with Sprite and blue raspberry syrup. Don't miss the dirty Dr. Pepper and Orange Dream 2. And there are refreshers made with fruit flavors and add-ins like popping boba and freeze-dried dragon fruit. Try the Blackberry Passion Fruit Refresher, Mango Pineapple Refresher, or the strawberry watermelon refresher with freeze-dried strawberries. Man, McDonald's is off the charts. Yeah, baby. There you go. Try the all-new McCafe drinks now at McDonald's, or at Sonical's, it make a taste.

25:42I'm just going to say it. There's a Hyundai Hybrid for everyone. There sure is. Yep. The Santa Fe Hybrid SUV seats up to seven. Tucson Hybrid SUV features standard H-track all-wheel drive. The Sonata Hybrid Limited sedan has exceptional performance and handling. And get up to an EPA, estimated 52 highway miles per gallon with the sporty Elantra Hybrid Limited sedan. All Hyundai hybrids come with first-class safety features, advanced tech, stellar design, and America's best warranty. It's a good one. It is a good one. Hard to beat all those stats. America's best warranty claims based on total package of warranty programs.

26:19Visit HyundaiUSA.com or call. I'm going to give you a phone number. Write it down. Okay. 562-314-4603 for more details.