Off To The Ice Follies

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Terry. Welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. Hello. How are you doing? Hi, Conan. Hey, Terry. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. All right. You are coming to us, Terry, from a gym and I'm told it's a boxing gym. This is your gym? Yes, my gym. Boxing gym. Yeah. Yeah. And I can see it behind you. Very impressive. Looks very much like a gym where one would box. So your story so far checks out. You get an A. So do you teach boxing and you're also a promoter of fights? Is that correct?

0:46Yes, I do. I've been doing that for quite a while, the promotions, but I train fighters and run a gym. It's an interesting career. And it's called Buckhead Fight Club. Is this Buckhead in Georgia? Yeah, it's kind of like the Atlanta Financial District. Sure. We're also on an area that's really diverse. So we got all the great ethnic foods here, plus all the money. Terrific. You've thought this all out. I know Atlanta a bit because for many years I worked for Turner based in Atlanta. And so I did some shows in Atlanta and really love that city. It's an amazing place. Incredible place. Now tell me, I'm kind of interested because I don't know much about fighting, but I'm curious about it.

1:34I know it's an amazing exercise. I mean, if you're really boxing, you exhaust yourself in about, I do in about 30 seconds. It's an incredibly tough workout. It's a full body workout. But also I like the idea of learning the science of boxing. Is that something you think you could teach me? Oh yeah, for sure. Definitely. Talk to me about - It's a science in and out. Okay. Talk to me about, what do you need to know about me to know about my potential as a boxer? Well, you're already tall, which definitely helps. Why does that help? So people that are really tall. Well, it's kind of like if you're playing baseball and you got a little bitty short bat or you got a long bat, you know, the ball is going to go further with a long bat.

2:14Yeah, yeah. So it actually has more power. Some tall people are slow though, but I don't think you're slow. No, no, no. I've got very fast twitch muscles. Everything about me is fast, quick. And so I think I would have a quick, powerful punch. Oh, that makes it hard. Yeah, that makes it a hard punch. Now, what about hand-eye coordination? Is that important? It is important. Well, this is over. This conversation is done. It's been nice talking to you. No, so hand-eye coordination, very important. I could probably develop that. I could get better at it. Yeah. Yeah, and then - Like Candy Crush or something.

2:56Yeah. Okay. I would love a - You know what I would love? I would love a Rocky montage where he wakes up - breaks an egg into a glass and eats it and then goes and plays Candy Crush to the same music. Right. And then he's playing Candy Crush as he slowly goes up the steps to that museum or library in Philadelphia. So what else? I mean, I've got some muscle mass on me. You know, I can put on some muscle. Well, we say in boxing, you know, never judge a book by its cover. So you can have all the muscle in the world and you can be horrible or you can have no muscle and be amazing. So it really doesn't matter about the muscle.

3:36But if you have some muscle. Yeah, sky's the limit, Conan. Don't push out there. You're in good shape. You know, usually when people look at me and say, well, don't judge a book by its cover, I get insulted, but I'm deciding not to now. I'm deciding to take that as a compliment. That's a compliment. Yeah. How long would it take me to learn to be a pretty decent fighter, do you think? How old are you now? I just turned 60. It takes a little time. I just turned 60. Okay. I would probably give it a few years. Yeah. Well, I only have a few years. So he's 64 before he even knows how to box. Well, you know, nowadays, I mean, boxing's changed so much.

4:13You got Jake Paul and TikTok fighters, and now there's this thing where you can just slap somebody. You know, there's like a sport where you can slap them and knock them out. I just want to slap people, and I want it to be I want to be slapping people. I want to slap people, but they can't slap me back. I'm just slapping at them in the right way. You just want to be like a 17th century dandy with a white gloves slapping. Yeah, you got to get them up. Exactly, Terry. I want to have some gloves that I take off and I slap them with the gloves. Yeah. And then my henchmen and bodyguards move in and I'm protected.

4:43You want to challenge people to a duel, but then never have the duel. Yes. Thank you. Right, right. You also want to do the old timey. Oh, I love the old timey style. Oh, yeah. That's the best. Yeah. Is that in any way effective? How come that went away? Why did that go away? Yeah. Why did that old time? I did it in an SNL sketch once. I was obsessed with old white Irish boxers. Yeah, like this. So what is, what was, is that a, if a modern boxer, if a modern boxer went into the ring and fought Floyd Mayweather and was using that style, what would happen? He would probably not last too long, but you know what that's from is like boxing used to be different.

5:27especially in Europe they would do like point scoring so it wasn't about knocking people out it was about how many points you could like fencing so that's how they would box you know it's about touching him yeah I had a Hungarian fighter one time who told me he had like a thousand amateur fights I'm like I would be dead by now but he said no Mike Tyson ruined boxing uh you know with with all the power shots and knocking people out it's the Americans we kind of changed it honestly but before that it was like you could box like that Yeah, no, before Mike Tyson came along, I was feared. And then he came along and changed everything.

6:04So have you been a boxing promoter and trainer your whole career? Is this something you've devoted your life to? No, well, I did fight too before I did all that stuff. So I used to be in law enforcement. So I was a drug investigator. and then I, you know, stumbled into boxing and just kind of left everything behind for that. But yeah, I had a different career. You said you were a drug investigator. Does that mean that you were, what were you doing exactly? Were you in an office or were you out on the streets trying to investigate these drug related crimes? Well, yeah, like, you know, you'd work undercover.

6:38You worked undercover? Oh, sick. Wait a minute, that's badass. That's incredible. You worked undercover. And so tell me about that. Did you wear Hawaiian shirts and draw tattoos on and walk around going, I'm a, yeah, I'm a tough guy. I just didn't work for Atlanta. So yeah, you more like have to look like a hip hop person. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, I think you'd be shot immediately by, by the dealers and the police and some, and some bystanders. Hey friends, we can all get along. Yeah. Let's not take drugs. Every different, a priest would shoot you. Everyone would be shooting at you. Little children would be shooting at you.

7:16So Terry, was that ever scary going undercover and dealing with drug? Sometimes. I remember one time I had a wig on and somebody said get that wig off and they knew I was the police and then another time when, like the first time that I bought I was trying to buy some drugs I was trying to buy meth and the guy that we were buying it from he was like shooting up while we were talking to him and he was like you have to do it and I'm not going to sell it. Oh wow. What do you do in that situation? Can you pretend to take it? Like, can you pretend to inject your... What did you do? You can't really.

7:51I just said I couldn't. I was like, oh, I gotta go to work. But free meth! Take it easy. He was like, nah, nah, you know you're the cop. Can I say something? So the two... One, you just told us two stories where immediately people knew you weren't legit. I'm guessing that's why you changed careers. I mean, first of all, was your wig on like halfway? And did it have a string around the chin that was holding it on? My name's Zelda. Excuse me. Pardon me. My wig is falling off. Maybe the dress game is. Shirley Temple wig. That's hilarious.

8:39First of all, I have a lot of respect for people that put themselves out there like that. And so mad respect for that, but also to have transitioned into this field where you're confident you can take an old broken down Conan O 'Brien and turn him into a lethal machine within what, three years? No, I mean, really, I guess what I'm saying, I could probably put you on a good show in like three months. Okay. You could do a white collar boxing show. Oh, so that means I'm fighting businessmen. Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah. Tell me what a white collar fight is. This is this like fight club. What's happening?

9:14Yeah. Well, Well, not quite. That's a little bit rougher. Yeah. The Fight Club stuff. But so along to like in 2010, I started promoting a boxing show. It was like a charity show where business people would raise money. You know, they'd box each other, raise money for charity. And it would be a lot of business people boxing. But it would be like an amateur fight. So, but, you know, it could be any level. You can be an amateur and fight in three months. Okay. But I like this idea of fighting white power people. Yeah. I want to fight very wealthy old billionaires. Yeah. And just, I mean, people that are way too old to be fighting.

9:48Yeah. I'll fight Warren Buffett. Yeah. Rupert Murdoch. Rupert Murdoch. I'll take on Rupert Murdoch. People just staring death in the face already. Yeah, exactly. And every time I hit them, hundreds of thousands of dollars falls out of their shorts. Every time I just keep hanging. Every time he punches money. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be the show for you. I'll promote you. You know what's funny? Yeah, put me in a cage fight where I can punch, but I also want to be able to slap. And it's me versus all billionaires and the billionaires have to be over 85. Yeah. And they - You can just slap them though. What if you still lost though?

10:25I know. Trust me. Cut you Warren Buffett cleaning my clock, just holding me by the throat and pounding my face and me shrieking. And then he leaves and gets that hamburger he eats every day. Wow, you're quite an impressive person I have to tell you that Oh, well, it's just a fun job, really Yeah Exciting And how did you come to hear about our podcast? Did you just start listening to it? Oh, yeah, I've been following it for a while But especially during COVID That's when you guys carried me through Oh, we're glad Every one of them We hear that from a lot of people I listen to Paul McCartney I love that one Oh, he was great But yeah, I've been following you guys for a while And I watched your show You know, when you were on the late night television I watched all that.

11:10Well, thank you. I'm following you forever. Thanks a lot. Do you think, I know you could make him a boxer, but do you think you could make him an undercover narcotics officer? You could totally do that. You'd have to buy like cocaine at a nightclub. Oh, I could do that. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. At a nightclub. People already think, always think I'm wearing an ill-fitting wig. And that's my real hair. So I think I'd get a lot of that. But I mean, that would be the question is, could I go undercover or do you think there's too much of a danger that I'd be recognized? Maybe you could go undercover and ask Conan.

11:41You're Conan, but they don't know that you're working for the man, like when Elvis was working for... That's right. They would just think it's cool. It'd be real easy for you to get the buy. I don't know. Even if you weren't famous, you've got a narky kind of thing about you. Yeah, you sure do. You're very narky. Yeah. Do I think kind of narky to you? I mean, Terry, I don't mean that in a derogatory way, because you were a narc for a long time. So do I have a narky vibe? You know. Thank you. thank you Terry thank you Terry you just got narked you got narked buying narked yeah like I watched the video of you with Ice Cube and yeah and you guys were taking the intern to get her license yeah yep yeah Kevin Hart and I was thinking you were a nark in that you're gonna rat them all out yeah I think Kevin and Ice Cube both thought I was a nark too I wanna hear this Terry, could you be a drug dealer and Conan, you're undercover and you're going to try to buy drugs from Terry.

12:43Okay, I'll try that. Are you ready to role play this, Terry? All right, you're a drug dealer, okay? You're in Atlanta and you're in a tough section of town, okay? Right. What's your name? I don't give out a name. Ooh. Ooh, nice. Well, my name is Pierre. Oh, no. Oh, man. I'm here for the meth. I got to have some meth. I'm here for the meth. I'm here for what's known as the math. Do you have math? I have it. You have math. Okay. Now legally, it's only a crime if it exchanges hands and I give you money. Is that right? Right. And, and legally you can only, uh, you can only bust. I can only, uh, well, I forgot where you were.

13:30You can only, uh, buy it from me if you're not the cops, if you're not the cops, are you the cops? Um, well, by cops, do you mean those flat feet? Do you mean those guys that ride around in the cherry tops? Hey, Terry, who's this guy? Who's your friend? Oh, hello there, pal. What's your name? My name's Knuckles. Hey, Knuckles. What a stupid 1940s cliche for a name. Oh, really? I'm Knuckles III. It was my grandpa's name. All right. Well, that's usually a name that's passed down. I'm talking to this dealer here, this lovely woman who says she won't give her name. And she's asking if I have one of them, if I have one of those flat feet, you know, one of those some badges.

14:14It smells like bacon. You gotta try the drugs if you want the drugs. I'll try any meth-a-roo you have on you. Take this, it's in a silly straw. A silly straw? I have to prove it. Okay, I'll prove it. I'll take that stuff right now. Where is it? Oh, here it is. Oh, very good. I'll just open this packet and I'll just take out what I'm carrying. So far, this checks out. Two pieces of Ezekiel bread. These are breads made with all the seeds that are in the Old Testament. This guy's rough. This guy's hardened. I'm spreading it out onto the first level. There we go. On one piece, then the other piece, and I have myself a little meth sandwich that's high and roughed.

14:51Hey, Pierre, you want to join our gang? Well, maybe I will, maybe I won't. You're going to eat the meth. Tonight I'm in the ice follies, so I'm a little busy. Chomp, chomp, chomp. He's cool, Terry. You can sell him. He checks out. What do you think, Terry? Sold. Now I have bad news for you. I am aforementioned flat foot. You got me. Lock me up. I've never been so impressed. Here am I. Oh, I don't have those cool handcuffs. Just these crappy ties they use now. Those are clad bag ties. They don't really work. And you have no backup. No, no backup. You're both free to go. Hey, are you Conan O 'Brien?

15:29Knuckles. Knuckles, I don't know. Knuckles, help me out here. Knuckles seems, something doesn't seem right about Knuckles. Here, hop on my tandem bicycle. Let's get out of here. Oh, good. It's a bicycle built for three. Let's all get out of here. Okay, good. You guys want to go to the ice follies? Yes, off to the ice follies. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Terry, this was the stupidest 15 minutes of your life, I'm guessing, in the last couple of years. And you have us to thank for. You know, it's funny. I actually did one time when I bought drugs from somebody, they asked me if I was law enforcement.

16:00I said, no. They said, are you the police? I'm like, no. They said, because I heard if you're the police and you ask him and they say, no, they can't charge you. I'm like, I'm not the police. Because is that true or is that just a TV myth? No, it's not true. I saw him in court and I was like, guess what? Terry, do you get that? You know what I would have said? I would have said they told us at the academy that I'm not, that I can deny it. And it's still not a problem. So off we go. I've always wondered how nervous do you get before a sting? Oh, when I, you know, early on, I'd get real nervous.

16:36We'd be like 10 guys in a, in a big van to go to a search warrant with like helmets and riot gear. I'd be like, everybody's just drinking their coffee. You know, I would, I would be a little nervous, but after years, you're not so nervous anymore. You're just stirring your coffee waiting. Wow. You know, in the car while we play like violent music. And yeah, no, I can, it's a life. I can relate. because sometimes I'd, you know, like Al Roker would be on the show and it's like, I've interviewed him before. Not the same. But it's - Not the same. Are we gonna, you don't wanna talk about weather or the Thanksgiving Day Parade, but I have to get up for it.

17:08Not at all. So I'm sitting there with my sidekick and we're drinking coffee. Embarrassing to even compare the two. Well, I'm just saying that both of us in a way have put ourselves on the line. No, one has and one hasn't. Well, one with, you know, real danger and one more comedically, which is in some ways more dangerous. Terry it was really nice talking to you and seriously thank you so much for being a fan and you seem like a very cool person and I would love I would love to get some tips someday because oh yeah I get some scores you look like you'd box like tall guys good at boxing alright I'm gonna do it really good I'm in thank you Terry look out Warren Buffett my pleasure bye bye Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovcesian, and Matt Gourley.

17:58Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

18:34This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.