Paul Rudd Returns Again

25:17and one of the things I love about so much is I think in the history of comedy it's the most it's the two most self-satisfied people I've ever seen in any situation you're unveiling your cologne he's so pleased for you and impressed you're so pleased with yourself and I would just put it out there people go back and look at this clip and people do all the time but it is to me the epigee the acme, the high point of two idiots who are happy with themselves. And it always makes me happy every single time I watch it. Thank you. Well, it is, you are dead on the money. These are two morons who think they've got it all figured out.

26:03And that's always such a fun, fun thing to play, certainly. And Will is so good at it. And that was one of the hardest moments I laughed you know Will doesn't really break character too much no no um and he really got me uh I I do um but he really made me laugh when we were doing that scene and I thought oh because there is kind of so much improvisation and I thought and then I said uh I think oh yeah well 60 percent of the time it it works every time and I thought like oh that will make him uh laugh and he didn't even smile and he just said that doesn't make any sense that doesn't and then I lost it.

26:44That doesn't make any sense. It's really the one moment of clarity that either one of us has in that scene. And then everything else is, he says pungent, pungent. And then you're very confident about Sex Panther and it's made of real bits of panthers so you know it's good. There's another thing. That's quality. That's the one thing, yeah. And then I think it's, It smells like gasoline. Everything about - Pure gasoline. Yeah, pure gasoline. And so, I don't know. I just, I, and you are so, I mean, one of the things that you're able to do in so many different, and we've talked about it, but in so many different parts you play, you're able to access this.

27:33You're incredibly likable, but you have no authority. you should not be respected and you don't care. Do you know what I mean? You're able to combine all those things at the same time and I'm always delighted. In forgetting Sarah Marshall, when you're the guy that hangs out on the beach and rents scuba equipment and stuff, that, I love that character. And again, you're just, and I think you were telling me once that that was just, you brought a lot of your own experience to that character. Well, there was, you know, when Jason was kind of, when he was writing it or when they were getting ready to shoot it, he said, you want to come to Hawaii and you want to maybe play this surf instructor?

28:15And we were just talking about it. And it was just this idea that if you ever go to any of these resorts and there are guys there that teach surfing or diving or whatever, and you meet them and you feel like, oh, I've got it all kind of figured out. But the more you talk with them, you realize they're running away from something or something's not right. And that just seemed like a funny, oh yeah, oh no, I get it. But just really putting a hippy-dippy positive spin on it. It's like, no, this is my journey or whatever it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he had no actual knowledge. None. Of really anything.

28:52No. He shouldn't be there. It was dangerous that he was working there. And the idea was that I was going to also play much older than I was. I wanted to be older. By the way, I said I was like, I was 44 in that movie. And now I look up 44. Oh my God, what a young kid I was. I was in my 30s when we did it and I tried to dye my hair gray. I want gray hair. Not even a wig. I should have just worn a wig. But I went and tried to dye my hair gray, but my hair is so dark that it just turned kind of red. And that's why my hair in that movie is just kind of red because I don't know how to. I never dyed my hair.

29:38So how you'd think of this is, you know, this is a big movie and very successful movie and a classic. Why are things so, hey, do you want to come hang out in Hawaii? Maybe you could play this kind of guide. Hey, I have an idea. I'll be right back. I'm going to go dye my own hair. You'd never think that that's how it came together. It's how it came together. And it was really, and even when I arrived, I remember we filmed it at the North Shore, the top of Oahu. And when I landed, I was not tan, big surprise. And they said, well, you should probably, you need to get a tan. So there's a place that you can get a spray tan but it's on the southern part of Oahu.

30:21It was like two hours away or something. I landed on the plane, went directly to this spray tanning place, drove, so that took like an hour and a half, drove another few hours to get to the North Shore where they were filming, checked in the hotel, told them, I'm here. And then I went and took a shower.

30:45And I never knew that you have to let a spray tanning. wait a minute, settle in. And they had no, like it all came off. I was in the shower and it was like psycho of the color going down the train. And they had to send me back right there. So then I had to drive another. First of all, to get from New York to Hawaii takes something like 10 odd hours. It took me longer to get to the spray tan twice. And then get back to set. Yeah. One of my favorite, one of my favorite things, it's just a, it's a, I guess a truism about a lot of my favorite kinds of comedy is there's this thing that's in, in classic comedies.

31:33And I'm just going to start with like the three stooges where you take someone who's a complete idiot, but you put them in a position that they'd never be in. So the three stooges, the rich people need plumbers and plumbers show up and they have a truck. They have all the equipment. They're clearly in the phone book. They're registered plumbers. The richest people in town are calling them up. So clearly they've done this before. and it's three people that literally can't take a hammer out of a bag without smashing vases all around them they don't know what a pipe is and things explode and you see that over and over clouseau would never have been the most famous detective in the world he's a complete idiot and that's this thing that happens over and over and over again i'm thinking that is a thing that these films like the anchorman films they do so well is none of these people would be where they are and that's the thing i or and this guy would never have been a beach instructor but people are beamed into this reality and once people accept that everything's great right and it's just what you have to do and it's so fun in like three stooges or or clouseau especially that they wind up kind of winning despite the fact that of their ineptitude yeah uh the biggest example or the most brilliant I always think of is something like being there.

32:53Yes. Where, you know, back in to every single victory. And what's so amazing about that movie, obviously, is that everyone around him thinks he's brilliant, whereas everyone else around Clouseau and Clouseau just know they're morons. Yes. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, it is a really, that's a good kind of construct. I'm with you. That kind of thing. It always fills me with delight. I don't know what it's like for you. You know, you probably didn't see the action hero thing coming for you because it came. Well, I was really pushing it. You used to tell me all the time, I'm going to be a Marvel action hero.

33:32Yeah. And I was belligerent. Remember? No, I know. Oh, do I remember? Trust me. And I was always pushing you and shoving you a lot. Yeah. Hard. Were you jealous? I remember thinking, I'm the one that's going to be the Marvel superhero. Yeah. You know, remember? Yeah. And I was just always, and then you'd pull it off. And I was jealous for a long time. I mean, action here, that's a small A, much like Ant-Man, small A. I don't think that I really fit into that mold so well. But, you know, I did get to pretend I had a suit on and I got to do CGI and I went to the gym a lot. It was kind of fun to do all of that stuff.

34:15But in my bones, I don't think that I could ever believe or feel authentically like I am right for the part. But actually, that might be— But I'd take somebody like Odenkirk. And I mean, when I saw Nobody, that was— Which I love that movie. The joy of seeing Bob Odenkirk just kick ass like that and be so good at it and so believable. He's an incredibly talented guy, but also, as you know, one of the funniest people on the planet. And so I think that, you know, I don't think it really exists so much for me, even though the Marvel thing is real. I look at a guy like Odenkirk and think, well, that guy did it.

35:01And that guy is great at it. Yeah. Well, he, the thing I always thought about that might have been maybe a key to why it works so well for Bob is, you know, I go way back with Bob. And he's, you know, God, so insanely funny and creative and great. But he does have, he'd get angry about things. And I thought, oh, I think that might have been his way in is, you know, his, and he's tenacious. And I could, so I could see like, well, there are aspects of Bob and you are hilariously funny guy. He was also incredibly charming. And I was like, well, that's kind of your way in. you're very likable. It's kind of your way into that character.

35:49I can see why it makes sense. Do you know? Well, how it even came about was Edgar Wright, who was going to direct the film. And it was Edgar that offered me that part. And I really didn't know that much about Marvel. I mean, I had seen some of the films, and I had read some of the comics when I was a kid. I knew what they were, but it was never anything that I would have imagined getting involved with. But it was Edgar that offered, you know, and said like, do you want to play this? And I love Edgar and he was a friend of mine and I loved his films. And so I was very excited. And then he wound up leaving the movie and, um, it was a bit of a chaotic scene there for a little bit.

36:32But I think the reason, um, that maybe he wanted me to do it, or was that it's a guy who probably is ill-equipped to actually be a superhero. And so I think that that was always my take on it. I'm not going to be Captain America, and I'm not going to be Thor, even though we have an incredibly similar physique. I just, I don't think I'd get... I often confuse your torso. You know what it is? I'm like, Hemsworth! The real problem is no one would buy me as a blonde.

37:10Especially if you dye your own hair. Well, I'm here for Thor. I'm going to go dye my hair. Thor doesn't have blue hair on the south end of the island. I'll be back. We shoot in 10 minutes. I'll be there. You know, I very much wanted to see your new film, Anaconda. And they said I could get a link. And then they told me this morning, because I was going to get up to watch it this morning and they said, no, the link does not work. So I blame your people because I have not seen it. But well, no, I wanted to see it and I really wanted to see it for free. Yeah, that's the only way to see anything anymore, I think.

37:49But I'm excited to see it because it surprised me. I know that technically you and Jack Black have worked together before, but this is a real two-hander. And I'm excited about that. I'm very excited about it. He's the greatest, as you well know. There's nobody, I mean, he is a tornado of comedy and talent. Truly of talent. And so it was, I was so excited to work with the guy. And yeah, we'd worked together before, but never like this. And so he's terrific and he's great. I actually have, I don't have a link or anything like that, but I think they are, I do have a clip of it, but it's so fun and it's such a funny way to kind of go into this idea of doing a retelling of Anaconda.

38:38Do you remember the original? Yes, I remember the original. And what I loved about this idea, because at first I thought, are they doing a remake of Anaconda? And I didn't understand just based on like the poster. And that's what I was interested to see. And then I found out that it's about two friends that want to go, their fans, they want to go back and make their own version of Anaconda based on the 97 film when things start to happen that take over. I'm sure you could explain this a lot better than I could. Yeah, well, there's, so we all, a group of four of us, it's Jack Black, Steve Zahn, and Tandaway Newton.

39:17And we grew up together. We used to make films, you know, like so many of us do growing up, like little movies with our friends. And, um, and Anaconda happened to be a movie that we loved growing up, even though technically, if you do the math, we were all probably about 40 when it came out. Um,

39:38but that's the, that's the first suspension of disbelief. Doesn't matter. Yeah. And so, and so we, uh, yeah, so we decide, we just, we decide to do, uh, I have the rights to Anaconda, our lives now as just 50-somethings. They're not working out the way we thought they would, or 40-somethings, or however, whatever. Wait, you have the rights? My character does. Your character does. My character does. No, I know. And you'll learn how. Okay. But still. Yeah, you'll learn how. He got them 70 years ago when he was 40. There's a reason. There's a very, it's funny. There actually is, there is an explanation, And it's funny because it is what I have to show you of how I have the rights for Anaconda.

40:26And I am explaining to them and we decide, like, look, guys, I really miss making movies when we were kids. Like, we can do this. Let's do. We loved this movie when we were growing up. Let's do it. Let's do it. And then, of course, you know, things start to go wrong. But then all of a sudden, wait, maybe we're getting onto my real Anaconda. So it's like a meta version of kind of, it's an interesting, it is an interesting way to kind of retell a story that's never been told before. Right. So what's it like? First of all, I agree with you. Everything you said about Jack Black being, you know, the most talented guy and insanely off this nuclear powerhouse of creativity and fun.

41:12but whenever I run into him, his beard, his beard is insane. His real life beard. And that might be the most, as impressive as Jack Black is, I think his beard impresses me more than anything else. It's really something. It really is. And it's, yeah, it's got like three different areas of gray. Yes. No, that's what I'm talking about. It's not just, I mean, okay, Letterman has this great beard, But no, Jax has, different parts of his beard have lived different lives. And they come from different - Sunburst on a guitar. Yeah, exactly, yeah. It's exactly, yeah. Yeah, it's like a mix of - They're swirling and churning.

41:55Quicksilver. Yeah. There's like a Captain Nemo meets Rick Rubin meets - Meet Seuss. Yeah, there's - Meet Seuss, but also meets like - Touch of Manson. Yeah, a little bit of Manson. Just a little touch. You want a little touch of Manther. Yeah. And all of a sudden, it just happened. Like, I remember seeing pictures of Jack and he had, oh, yeah, no, he has a beard and oh, it's cool. It's like a little gray there. And then I think, I don't know, six months later, I saw a picture of this years ago. I was like, whoa. Yeah. And he couldn't keep that version for the movie. And I thought, oh, that must be really upsetting when you have that and then to have to shave it.

42:35Yeah, that's what I thought is, I'm hoping that he has kept it. Meaning I hope they didn't shave it. I hope it was detached from his face and then can be surgically put back. Or studied in a lab. Yeah, yeah. Even if it means that there's terrible pain and a recovery period and maybe the body rejects it for some reason because it's been off the face. I still think it's worth trying to keep... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he does it. It's like, the world lost Jack Black today after an unsuccessful beard reattachment surgery suggested by Conan O 'Brien on a podcast with Paul Rudd. The two men have been arrested.

43:11They're still working on it, but unsurprisingly, government has cut all funding now for our research. RFK Jr. did approve of the surgery. it's a real shame well to have such a signature look conan uh one you're great in if i had legs i'd kick you oh thank you uh i loved it love the movie not an easy watch that is like no no that is it's intense movie and um but it was also like you have your hair is so kind of styled and it how did you feel about showing up with a different hairstyle well um you know i play this therapist to Rose Byrne. And there were so many things when they sent me the script and I don't, this is not a part of my career that I've had any plans for.

43:57And it's not something that I probably intend to repeat, but I really love the script. I love the director. And then like everyone else on the planet, I worship at the altar of Rose Byrne. I just think she's spectacular. So the chance to be in these scenes with her, it was like, you've got to do this. and the way I interpreted this therapist was, oh, he's the opposite of me in so many ways. He's not a caretaker. If someone's uncomfortable, he doesn't really notice. He just wants them out of the room. And then I thought, and I was talking to the director, Mary Bronstein a lot, and she said, yeah, what do we need about the hair?

44:36And we both agreed it should just be pulled back and down and just kill this thing. Just kill it with weight and restraints. But no, it was mostly just wet it down and put some stuff in there to just keep it flat. And then, so yeah, it is funny because it felt like I don't have my, it's like Superman without his cape. You know, it's just like, it felt to me a little bit like, well, this guy's no fun. He's got - Yeah, you're all put together and kind of tightly. Did you find though that when you were doing it, you're not self-conscious about any of that kind of stuff, that some of those things that you do feel like, oh, this really I am acting a part and that...

45:21Yeah, I did a lot of prep, which I have so much respect. I've always respected what you guys do, actors. It is not really my thing. I think I'm a good actor when it's a sketch. When I have to do something in a sketch, I feel like, oh, I can do that. but um this character work and all that was new to me i had never done it before but i worked with someone and really tried to understand who this person was and so that when i showed up on set know your lines know what you're supposed to do and really be familiar with this person so not a person i'd want to be all the time right but um well you were great in it but do you want to you don't want to keep doing it or you think uh i just don't think it's something uh i don't see me saying, get me out there.

46:10You know, I really ask because pilot season is coming up. I'm doing all this so I couldn't possibly. And then you're going to, you're going to see my new show. Hanging with Conan. Father of seven kids. Oh, you know, whatever. I don't know what it is. But no, I don't, I don't think this will be something I'll be doing a lot more of. But I am in Toy Story 5. Yeah. I want to check that out. Yeah. At playing, are you allowed to say? No, I play, I think it's out there. I think I'm allowed to say, I play Smarty Pants, one of those devices for like one and a half year olds that teaches them how to go to the bathroom.

46:53And so I'm a little toy that teaches kids how to go to the bathroom. I'm Smarty Pants. And I went to college and - Have you done it already? Have you recorded it? I just wrapped like two days ago. Oh, wow. I wrapped on the Disney lot. And it's one of the more surreal experiences in my life to be wearing the cans when you're doing the lines. I mean, these things are so familiar to you. They're not to me. And hearing, they're not in the sessions with me, but hearing Tom Hanks as Woody, and hearing Woody and Buzz in my ear. And I'm supposed to go like, yeah, guys, or whatever. I just, I can't believe that.

47:37It's crazy, isn't it? It's crazy. It's crazy to hear that. There are moments where you can actually get emotional about it, because you, especially Toy Story and those characters. Yeah. They're so good. They're so good. It really, I remember after the third one came out, I thought, is this the greatest trilogy? Yeah. You know, I mean, Lord of the Rings, you know, Godfather, obviously, one and two, greatest movie. Yeah. Rambo. Rambo Rambo The first three Ernests The first nine Herbie and the Love Bugs Flawless I'm a weird guy I hated Bad News Bears Loved breaking training And when they went to Japan That's unusual totally i know i know it's an unorthodox take yeah but stick with it um yeah i uh i think those toy story movies are such i mean it's beautiful storytelling they really are and they they've been showing me you know they'll say like hey conan do you want to see they've shown me now there's little pieces of it in uh you know that they've kind of are finishing up and um it's really nice because my assistant david hopping grew up on these movies and loves them so he comes to the records with me oh wow he must be and um i don't let him see anything i want him to be near it but not to see it right yeah and they say a little dangling a carrot in a way yeah and they'll they say like the director will say do you want to bring david in uh and i'll say only if he wears this bucket over his head so he can't see anything yeah and and i paint a frowny face on the bucket uh no i i he comes in and he's he's so i get to experience that through him too which is these uh these scenes are just spectacular they take so long to make they have to be really well written they uh appeal to all ages they're the best movies i like that you're now promoting toy story 5 i've tricked you and not anaconda yeah you're promoting all the anchorman films yeah anaconda uh and uh no no not so much sony will be furious they will they because they as you know they really insist uh that we promote the films that we're actually there to promote that old weird yeah yeah they don't like it think they have i know i know which uh does bring me back to my uh clip of the film where i'm talking about um how i got the rights oh you have this i I do.

50:25Okay. And it is very, it's actually based weirdly on a true thing like this. How the right, Anaconda was a book originally. Is that true? It was. I didn't know that. And it was, I think the author was Japanese maybe. Anyway, there's this sequence where I talk about how I met his widow and she was a fan because I play an actor as well in the film. Right. But I'm trying to explain to my friends how it is that I've come about getting the rights to Anaconda. They don't believe me. And I'm saying, no, this is how. But I did, I know you haven't seen the link, but I don't know if there's any capabilities.

51:12Yeah, I think they say they have, yeah. Great. Great. I don't hear it! Like...

51:28It's just always... Stop!

51:35Now you can see... What else is on YouTube? Now, here's my question for you. Yeah. Is there a part of you that just hates yourself when you're doing the fake setup now? When you do the fake setup now and you know, I didn't know, but the minute you start to say, I have a clip, I'm like, fuck you. We all know. And then there's a bunch of things that go through my head, but is there a part of you that hates yourself as you're doing it or no? Oh God, are you kidding me? Absolutely. Yeah. Hate it when I'm setting it up. Hate it when I'm sitting watching. Hating it now at the point where it's like, how are we all supposed to react to this?

52:15At what year did I stop pretending like it was really a... Oh, you don't even try. I don't even try anymore. This is the least you've tried ever. You went, oh yeah, and I have a clip. Because it was a book and then Spain. And then I put very little thought in how I was going to do it this time. And you're kind of looking around like, yeah, blah, blah. You almost said blah, blah, blah. Were you ever turned down coming on the show because you just don't want to deal with this anymore? Yeah, exactly right. It's a little bit, yeah, when you... You just get lazy and tired. all right, I'll think of a setup now.

52:47I don't, you know, it's like a team that wins a title in the next season. They go where they were two victories all year. They're two and 14. It's like, get back to fundamentals guys. It's, it's, I love Lucy, the final season when they're up in Connecticut. Yeah.

53:13But you know what I love? the uh i'm now starting to picture at one point um one of us we're going to be very old men uh and i'm older than you so i'll be the older so i think i'll be in the hospital and you'll be visiting me and uh i won't have long and they'll say i'm in a lot of pain but he's he's pretty good right now and you'll come in to say hi and i know you're going to do a thing where i'm kind of in and out but i'm there and i'm so happy to see you and then you're going to say no no and i just got good news from your doctor and i'm like really really and he's like no they did a scan and they actually can't find any of the disease in the area and i'm really yeah no take a look at the scan and it's going to be that yeah and um and it's going to make me really happy i'm so touched i i that's going to that by the way is is a really great way to do it because you have the X, the lit, the box lit up on the wall.

54:08This is a great, I've thought out other scenarios, but that's way better. But you know what you're going to do? You're going to get a guy, you're going to get my doctor to play along. And so he's going to say, no, we found, and Paul, do you mind? And do you want to stick around for this? And I'll be like, it's okay, I want Paul here. And you'll be like, okay, I'll stick around for him. And then he'll be showing me. And then at some point, because I hope this is not for a long time. I'm just going to say that, but it's going to be some sophisticated scan where they show you in real time, this is where we did the scan and you can see here and this is where the disease was and then it's going to start to flicker a little bit and it's going to turn into...

54:46Yeah. And it's going to bring me a lot of joy and then I'll pass away. It's great. I'm just happy that I could bring that to you in your final moments. I did think of a scenario where we could do this and I don't want to reveal it here. I did think of a scenario which I think is the... that would be momentous and i'm hoping we get to do it someday i don't want to really no no no you'll tell me uh you'll tell me afterward yeah yeah there is a way to do this that would be the greatest but i will figure that out um i have a wonderful memory of i remember we i was in brooklyn and i did a show there and you were kind enough to come do it for the podcast yeah and we were all there and then you and i hung out afterwards some drinks were had as i recall yeah And then we ended up, it was very late at night and we ended up stepping into your house at night.

55:41I remember that and you showing me around in the dark. Yeah. And I was like, shh, shh. I think my children are asleep. I was asleep asleep. Are you sure this was his house? Let's go wake them up. Well, I'm not sure. By the way, I'm not sure. We're not sure. We weren't in the best state, but we had had a really good time and we're walking around and you're showing me this and I was just so happy to be in your house, but it was a very, it's such a clear memory of you and me in the dark. This is just a couple of years ago and you're doing a thing that they do in movies where you're like, shh. We both a little buzzed.

56:12You're like, shh. And I'm like, shh. Yeah, shh. And we're looking around and I'm like, this is beautiful. And you're like, yeah, shh, quiet, quiet. And, but it was so surreal to walk around with you. One of my favorite people in this gorgeous house. And I remember thinking, oh my God, I miss New York. That was the feeling I had. I mean, I love, don't get me wrong. I love Los Angeles, but you've made it a point to always have that be your base. Always, but I was so thrilled that we got to hang out. And then I'm like, wow, you're gonna, yeah, come on over. I'm like, are you sure it's 2 a.m.? Yeah, it's fine.

56:47Whatever it was. But I was so happy that we got to kind of hang out and spend a little time. Yeah, it was really lovely, yeah. Yeah, and I do remember this. And as you were describing it, I was thinking, I'm just missing the you know like the candle with the holder the kind of Jacob Marley yeah yeah yeah this way this way this way yes and I'm like yeah yes what do you want to drink it was really fun it was really fun but we have to do it again next time you're you know you're back in New York yeah I'll be back and we'll hang you are an absolute delight you're one of my favorite people in the world one of my favorite performers and you always make me happy and I know that in the next week I'll be watching clips of you we'll just be appearing because I know these phones listen to you they know what you like and it just is always throwing me these Paul Rudd fastballs and I'm like I know that guy God he's funny anyway it always makes me really delighted I feel the same about you Conan to thank you for saying that.

57:55Have you, about the phones listening, I had this memory of, did you see the Pete Holmes special? I think it was, I'm Not For Everyone, I think it was, it was his last one. Yeah, I've seen him. When he's telling the audience, he just stops in the middle of his routine and just starts saying, I want to buy a dildo. I want to buy a big dildo. People are laughing and he's telling them to shush and he just keeps saying it over and over again. and I want a big, juicy dildo. Like, whatever. For a minute. And you don't really know where it's going. And then he just says, can't wait to see what pop-up ads you all get in there.

58:36That's such a great idea. It's such a brilliant idea. Pete Holmes, very funny man. Very funny. Yeah, hilarious. Well, now we're all going to get those. Yes. Yeah. Anyone listening right now is going to get one. Yeah. And not just any dildo, a juicy dildo. A juicy dildo. Yeah You know when they're just ripe Yeah that's when you want to You know You don't want one of these When you get the dildo Just put it in the sun For one day I hate biting into a dildo Yeah And I'm like Oh This isn't ready It's a little bit like An avocado or a cantaloupe You gotta squeeze it To make sure it gives Has enough of that give Well that's the thing Is when I'm buying dildos People are always like What are you squeezing them for You pervert And I'm like I'm trying to see If it's juicy yet Exactly And they get all freaked out But it's a giant bin of them.

59:23Stop touching all the dildos.

59:28My grandfather was a dildo farmer. And he told me, if you want a juicy one, you got to squeeze everyone in a bin. He showed me when I was a little boy.

59:43The right way to pick out your dildo. And those bastards, they chased him out of town. Paul Rudd, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, seriously. Thank you, Colin.

1:00:02Well, Father's Day is coming up. Hint, hint. June 21st. Wow. We're not your children. What? My children are not getting me anything, so it's up to you guys to get me Father's Day. They have never bought into Father's Day, but you guys are going to. You're my employees and you have to. Well, guess what? Luckily, Macy's has a wide range of options, the expertise to help you find the perfect gift. Macy's is the answer for Father's Day. David, as my sort of surrogate son, the son that I hired to buy me things, I hope that you're prepared for this Father's Day and I hope you've consulted Macy's. Oh, I sure I have done both of those things.

1:00:47first. Oh, there you go. You love a pun. We got you a shirt that says The Grill Father. I love that shirt because you know what? I love the Godfather movies and I love grilling and they've combined them with The Grill Father. And are you ready to combine it even more? Let's see the next gift. A ninja indoor grill. Can I say something? That looks really good. It does. So happy Father's Day from us and Macy's. You know what? I want to say thank you. Those are cool gifts. I love it. Thank you, Macy's. Macy's makes it easy to take something your dad already loves, make it feel new again. Same vibe, better version.

1:01:19The kind of gift he'll actually use and appreciate no matter what kind of dad he is. Check out Macy's online gift guide for more ideas at macy's.com slash gift guide. This episode of Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend is brought to you by six all new McCafe drinks at McDonald's. You're a McDonald's lover, Sona. I know that. Love my Mickey D's, boo. Many times you and I would be in the car together And you would say, let's hit McDonald's I'm talking six new All McCafe drinks Did you know that? Crafted sodas made with your favorite sodas And topped with velvety cold foam Like a Sprite Berry Blast Made with Sprite and blue raspberry syrup Don't miss the dirty Dr.

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1:02:38we have something that we have to show you do you remember that show star search from decades ago yeah so it's coming back and i think there's something about the promo that you need to be made aware of okay star search the world's greatest talent competition welcome beyonce Kevin James Usher Raymond Britney Spears The show that launched the greatest stars of our time Look up in the top right Oh It says Conan O 'Brien Wait, is that real? It's real I don't get that Our very own Ruthie shared this with me I think Netflix put out a trailer for this Star Search reboot And this is the trailer and they are saying all of these names they're implying were launched, their careers were launched by Star Search.

1:03:31Okay. Did you ever have anything to do with Star Search? I did not. I was, no. That is, no. That is not my origin story. If it was, I would shout it to the rooftops. I wish I had been on Star Search. I'd have had at least a little more experience before I took over Late Night in 1993. No. I honestly, I am flabbergasted. What do I do? It does say greatest stars of our time, though. So aren't you, you know? I know. Maybe you could just make it up. Did you do like they used to do dramatic monologues on there? No, I never had any connection to it. Maybe they want you on this season. They want to make a star out of you.

1:04:10Oh, this is it. Has anyone looked into this at all before we started talking about it? Did anyone Google Conan and Star Search? We asked around the office. I talked to Jeff. Jeff said he doesn't think that he doesn't know. He doesn't get it. I mean, unless I'm dangerously in need of neurosurgery, I have had no connection. I'm not upset at all. I want to get to the bottom. You're not upset? No, not really. I'm upset for you. Why? Because they're just using your name, being like, we launched his career. Doesn't that make you want to, like, cut a bitch? No. No? No. I'm glad someone thinks that it's worth putting me in there.

1:04:46I want them to answer for this. I want them to say what they think you did on Star Search or for Star Search, you know? Is it possible that on the old late night show, we did a bit once about Star Search and they're showing that or something? But that would be, that's false advertising. No, they're definitely making the case that all of these people got their start from Star Search. Well, listen, here's another question I have. Who else then is being misrepresented in this ad? Yes. Because if they're using my name, there must be some other people in there too. Yeah. It said Dave Chappelle. Was Dave Chappelle?

1:05:19Maybe he was. Maybe he was on Star Search. It said Adam Sandler. Was he on Star Search? These are all the folks, according to Google, right? Is Conan on there? Adam Sandler is on there. No. I don't see. You're not on there. No. I'm not on there. Nope. Now, I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist. Yeah. But I'm just saying, what if the Netflix marketing people put you in there knowing you weren't part of it so they can get free publicity of you talking about it. Oh, that would be deep seated. All I'm saying is, you know, and we are talking about it. We are talking about are we playing right into their hands for exactly what they wanted by knowing now proving that we have played a part in Star Search because here we are talking about it and there is his name on the screen.

1:06:05Oh, my God. It's some weird time. Now, listen, I would be very impressed if that were the case. I don't tend to be a conspiracy theorist. I tend to think, no, there was a mistake somewhere. Or, okay, the Mark Twain prize was on Netflix, and I think it was a success for them. And maybe just the same program that's like feeding names in took my name from that. Look, Sona, I don't understand how technology works. I know. I think you're way too chill about this. I think we need to make this a bigger deal than it actually is. Well, I don't think, are you angry on my behalf? Be honest. I'm curious on your behalf.

1:06:41I'm curious. I'm not going to, as you say, cut a bitch. No, yeah, I think some bitches need to be cut. How many bitches should be cut for this? I don't know how many bitches worked on this. Is this a three-bitch cut? I don't know. It could be a, I don't know, however many bitches were in the room need to be cut. We just go around cutting these bitches. What's the most amount of bitches been cut? I don't know a lot of bitches be cut, if there's a lot of bitches be involved. Be all the bitches cut simultaneously or be bitches cut at intervals? You got to cut the bitches simultaneously because once one bitch sees the other bitch get cut, that bitch run.

1:07:09Every bitch be cut or some bitch get away? No, all bitches be cut. Whoever bitch be involved, bitches be cut. Be bitches in circle around cutter? Be bitches in making one circle so that it's just - You run and bitches be getting cut. What if cutter a bitch? Yeah. Cut, you cut, cutter. Bitch better cut bitch. Yeah, cutter, you bitch, you cut, you bitch. Okay, okay, yeah. You cut, you bitch. You cut, you bitch. Bitch be cut. Bitch be cut, you cut. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You cut, be bitch, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, now that's all clear. So that clears it up for me. I'm angry and I want to cut a bitch.

1:07:45Yes. I'm just saying they're changing your origin story. Everybody can look at this and say, oh, there is footage of Britney Spears. But then you see your name on here and they're claiming you. I have to say, looking at it, I am very intrigued. I'm not angry, but I'm just I'm just I mean, Adam, what do you think? Seriously, I'm seething. I wasn't offended. I'm kind of like you. I'm just like, this is kind of funny and interesting. I think I'm falling with Sona. They're taking some credit and almost saying you're not a self-made man, which you are. Yeah, yeah. I think of people that went on Star Search as self-made.

1:08:20Me too. I think it's a good discovery platform. They're self-made in a different way. It's a platform for getting discovered. I think you're a top villain here next to Beyonce. What would you have even done up there? Hey, hey, if it's good enough for Beyonce, it's good enough for me. Yeah, but what's your talent?

1:08:37I'm no bitch gonna get cut. I'm now, I'm very fond of this cut a bitch thing now. I'm intrigued by this whole theory of cutting a bitch. You better be careful. It's your talent. I'm sure I went out and did some bits and they were just as powerful and show stopping as Beyonce. Hello fellows and the assorted ladies. Ah, I don't know. I don't like this one bit. I hope he did a little song and dance, you know? I'm very, we gotta find out. We gotta find out. We get Melmed in here. Oh, yeah. I call it. Bring him in. Yeah. Okay. Melmed, Melmed, Melmed, Melmed, Melmed, Melmed. He and dad and dud and dad and get around.

1:09:21Be a Melmed off the ground, be a Melmed, get around. Little little Melmed get around. I start singing Melmed's song to an unclearable song by litigious Paul McCartney. Oh, just brings us right back to the last time Melmed was on. I know, I was gonna say, I think I did that on purpose. Okay, we're going to bring David Melmed back in, who is our lawyer. You probably know him from past segments. He's wonderful, very handsome. And on a near episode or the next episode, we'll get to the bottom of this with you. Okay, okay. Inappropriate. Okay. All right. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

1:09:59Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

1:10:13Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts And you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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