Paul W. Downs

24:41There's a moment where, this season where Jean Smart goes to a cardiologist just to get a checkup in the waiting room. She sees Carol Burnett. we had a Carol Burnett on the podcast about a year ago. I've met Carol a bunch of times and I will never be jaded. I'm always walking on air afterwards. And she is still so sharp and so funny. And she was great in that scene playing herself. Unbelievable. Unbelievably funny. Unbelievably sharp. Wanted to, had things to add. Was like, you know, I can do a Carol Channing impression. There was so much that she did. I can juggle. Yeah. I mean, honestly, It was really amazing.

25:20And we shot that at Television City, steps away from her stage, where she shot the Carol Burnett show, which we had asked permission to feature last season when we shot there, just to show it, because she's such an inspiration for us. And we needed somebody in this season that Debra Vance could get sage wisdom from and look up to, and who better than Carol Burnett? And the fact that she responded to the show and wanted to do it, it was a goosebump moment for all of us. It was really crazy. The show delves into late night this year, which was fascinating for me because there are things that you cite in the show that I've lived through.

25:56And so I'll get a little bit of PTSD from watching it, but it's also really funny and apt, like getting notes or this is what we heard about in the early days of my late night show, research and what are people saying and what do we need to try and adjust and it was all stuff that just felt impossible. Yeah. I'm kind of reliving it a little bit through your show, but you guys are doing a very good job of hitting a bunch of the nerves, which means you're getting it right. That's good. That's good. I mean, you know, obviously like we talk about you and your shows a lot and we did a lot this season making it and we tried to get it right, you know?

26:39Oh yeah. And just writing the show about making the show was so stressful and so hard. I'm like, I didn't do five shows a week and have to do monologue jokes. And yet I viscerally, I felt the pressure of that. It's crazy. There's a great moment where Deborah Vance is trying out, she's meeting the new writers for the first time and they're going around the room and there's one, people are throwing out funny ideas and then there's one writer who's new, who's just like, yeah, and then he says something that's not that funny. And then she farts. Yeah. And then she farts. Because she farts. Which by the way, Which is funny.

27:17It's very funny. I would say head writer right away. He's promoted. Yeah. The fart guy's promoted. Yeah. Good fart guy back. But anyway, he does it twice and you see Gene Smart notice it and then Gene Smart writes on a piece of paper and slides it over to Hannah and it says riff killer, which is such a great because it's a little inside baseball, but we call it riffing, which is people are in a room, they're coming up with good ideas riffing. and then she just sides across Riff Killer because we've all been in a room where things are cooking and then one person in the room is like, yeah, and then maybe it's George W.

27:55Bush. And everyone has to reset. No one wants to be a dick. Yeah, exactly. And we all go - Eduardo's pointing to Blake. Oh, Blake. You know it's me. Okay, but I don't - You don't need to pretend I'm right here. You don't need to just talk about it. Some people are riff killers. He thought it was a compliment, so he got it tattooed. He got riff killer tattooed on his lower back. Oh, that's nice. Riff killer. But anyway, I love that moment. And then I have to bring this up, which is because I just watched it last night. There's a scene where this killed me. It's a very funny joke and nonsensical, but Jean Smart, Deborah has stolen, is trying to steal a guest away who would have been on Kimmel and Kimmel's confronting her and saying, look, you know, I get this guest, you don't get this guest.

28:50She's trying to get Kristen Bell on her show and Jimmy Kimmel confronts her and says, you don't get Kristen Bell because she always does my show. She's been doing, I got sort of possession of having her as a guest after Conan died. And you know what I loved about it is that it said with no one questions it. It's just like, since Conan died, you know, I get her after Conan died. And it's just like, that's understood. And I'm laughing because no one questions it. But in that universe, you're dead and you can never be on that show except the flashbacks. Oh, no, don't say that. We definitely want you on the show.

29:27I think we've settled that score. No, no. No, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But it was so funny to me. It's such a funny. I always like jokes that upon examination, they make me laugh on a guttural level, but they also don't make sense. It makes no sense. And he says it the way we all know that Charles Lindbergh is dead. You know, it just, it was so funny. It was such a great moment. I have to give him credit because, you know, that was a Jimmy Kimmel improv line. Oh, wow. So I did not write that line. That's great. Let me write that down. Okay. He will be repaid in kind. I can't wait to mispronounce his name.

30:04Jame. Jame Kamal. Jame, Jame, Jame. Lucia. Lucia, have you met Jame?

30:13So you're very much alive in our universe. Oh, well, thank you. And I do mean it. I want to say it here. We would love to have you on the show. Oh, I would. We would absolutely love it. Then we can come up with a way that I was resuscitated. Okay.

30:28I know it's it's a it's a joy to watch. And I think one of the things that's interesting to me is it's all about like a magician makes you believe in the illusion. And so I know it's a TV show, but you guys have me emotionally invested in what happens to Debra Vance and does this late night show work? And I hope this late night show works out. Currently, things seem a little wobbly, but I'm emotionally invested in it, which means you've you're very good illusionists. Well, thank you. You know, you've created this world that I'm completely invested in. Thank you. I mean, a lot of that credit goes to Gene and Hannah as well for making these characters so real.

31:10I feel that way too. I mean, I know we write the show, but they feel so real to all of us. And I think they do now to them as well. There are some scenes this season when I think both Gene and Hannah do some of their best work in the show. And we're like, God, that was good after. And they're like, I just said it because I feel, you know what I mean? Now it's like so in their bones. they feel these characters are so real. I think something Hannah does really well, just as an observer, is that she clearly wants a maternal figure. She wants a connection with this incredibly tough, you know, Jean Smart character.

31:49And she wants this so badly, but she also knows she has to be tough. And there's this great moment where, without giving anything away, but she gets a hug from Jean, and you see Hannah kind of melt a little bit because she's getting that connection that she really wants from not just her comedy hero, but also someone who she has a real connection with and cares about. And you see her soften a little bit, and then Jean Smart reveals that she's doing it just because there's a camera on the way. And that's why she's doing it. And she needs to make it look good for the camera, and you see the heartbreak.

32:25Like, I mean, Hannah is killing it. She is incredible. Yeah. She is incredible. And she does, like you're saying, so much sometimes with no dialogue. You know, she's so funny and she's such a good standup herself. But yeah, she's so incredibly good. And it's hard, I think, to be that good. I mean, obviously your scene partner does a lot of the lifting and helps you out. But to do what she does with Jean is really incredible. I don't know. I don't work with people that lift me up. Oh. Well, yeah, it's hard when you have to lift everyone up. I know it's hard. Can I just say for a second, I feel like I'm an Olympic swimmer and I have two cinder blocks around my neck.

33:03Oof. Okay, you are a jock. Yeah. Yes. If you can do that. We make you stronger. You do? Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We test you and make you stronger. You're welcome. That's what you want. You want that. We're actively trying to drown it. It's called drag. It's called drag when you have cinder blocks as a swimmer. Kill you more specific. I was a swimmer, even though I wasn't a jock. Oh, okay. You need the drag every now and again. You need a drag. I do. I do it. I do need it. Your character, Jimmy, your relationship with Kayla, Megan Stalter, is, I will say this, I haven't seen, I don't think I've seen that relationship on TV before.

33:37Do you know what I'm talking about? I love, love, love that relationship. It's a relationship. It's a dynamic that I have. And I'm flipping through my comedy nerd mind trying to find the same thing. And I'm like, nope, I don't think it's there. I think that's a new thing you've cracked. Thank you. I mean, you know, she's over the top insane. So insane. So you are trying a much more. I love that. You are you. And I have some experience with an insane assistant. Oh, my God. But you know what I'm saying? No, I don't know what you're saying. I'm nothing like her. I do. But I love how different. What the fuck?

34:11You look at me like that. I'm just looking. I'm just looking. I'm just laughing. We have hours of footage of you acting insane. Oh, there's not enough footage of you being insane. I'm the star. I'm expected to be insane. At least Paul's character is like a normal person. He's a normal boss. Yeah, you're insane. I love how patient you are. Your character is, Jimmy is with Kayla. It's to an, and that's, some of the comedy is to an absurd degree. And it reminds me a little bit of, one of the things that makes Groucho so funny is Margaret Dumont. Because Margaret Dumont, he's acting insane. And she's next to him going like, oh, Groucho.

34:49And then, well, anyway, let's move forward when anyone else would say, I'm getting the fuck away from this person. But what makes it work is you can't, the whole dynamic of yes and is you are sticking with Kayla, with Megan Stalter. You're going to stick with her and she's going to have awful, awful ideas with great confidence. Yes. Yeah. She's somebody who, well, Megan is so funny and so, so good in everything she does. But this is one character we kind of ripped from real life. This is based on a couple of assistants that people that we've worked with have had and that we've experienced. Sometimes who are nepo and have entitlement, but also a little bit of insecurity.

35:29Like having this extreme confidence and yet nerves is a really funny dynamic. And that is a duality that Meg plays in some of her original characters. So we were like, she would be great for this. And yeah, we thought it was really funny to have somebody who is, in the beginning at least, both his assistant and his boss kind of because her dad owns the management firm that they work for. And now your initial problem is how do I get rid of this assistant? And now you're partners in this season. And I love that you just keep turning up the dial on. And what's also great is occasionally she has a good idea.

36:01Yeah, that's the thing. I do think that's true in the entertainment business and in management. You have to sometimes think outside the box and be insane. And Jimmy is not insane. He's very by the book. He's very earnest. And sometimes those crazy ideas actually work. So weirdly, she is a better manager than she is assistant. She's terrible at being an assistant. But she has some out-of-the-box ideas that, especially this season, that really do work. I want to ask you a little bit about the dynamic of your comedy partner is also your romantic partner. And that's something that fascinates me. My wife is super smart, really funny.

36:36we've never collaborated on anything. I've always thought, huh, that's a whole, that's like a Bermuda triangle that I have not gone into. And maybe we will someday, but how does that dynamic work? Or did it just, you always knew it was going to work. Well, we started, we were on an improv team together and we started doing sketch videos before we were ever dating. And it was in making those things because she's so smart and funny that attracted us to each other. And so we started dating kind of after we were already working together a bit. And, but she's my, she's the best audience. You know, she's the person that I want to make, that it feels the best to make her laugh.

37:12She has such a good laugh and I love making her laugh. So, and it's been a real cheat for us to work together, not just because we have each other as an audience and as cheerleaders, but also, you know, in this business, you don't see your spouse if you're working as hard as we're working. So thank God we're on set together. That's really nice. You know, we get to be together. I think it's different for different people, but I mean, you know, your wife being smart and funny, you know what it's like to make that person laugh. Yes. You know what I mean? Like it's part of the romance. If I can make my wife really hard, and also if she can really laugh and she makes me really laugh, that's the glue.

37:44Yeah, that's the glue. That's the long-term glue. That's right. Have you ever wondered if Lucia said yes just because, accepted your proposal just because she was yes-anding you? Oh my God. Because of improv training. Honestly, I hadn't until now. That's a fair question. I hadn't until now, but you know what? She is a very good improviser. You know what I mean? Yeah. What was she going to do? You put out a scene. you laid it out there. Will you? And she has to say yes and we'll have a child. She's trained to not say no. You're right. Well, I'm saying that's the best. That's what I... I married an improviser too and this is making me really look back usual suspects.

38:20And guess what? It was during a sketch, wasn't it? It was, yeah. And then you afterwards were crying and said, you said yes. You have to. Oh, no. Oh, God. Well, you know, didn't you... You guys had your first... Your only child. Is it the only child? Yeah, only. Your only child during the making of Hex. Yeah. Well, you know, funnily enough, we were not planning to get married. We were like, oh, well, we just won't get married and, you know, we don't need to do that. And then there was a point in time when I was like, well, I want to get her a ring and I'll float it. I'll float it. Thinking that she'd be like, we've talked about this.

38:57We've talked about this. We're not going to get married. And she said yes. And because we had been together at that point for 15 years. so we've been together for a really long time but we weren't going to have children and so we did end up getting married we thought it would be a nice way to celebrate our time together I'm telling you it's all improv yes and yes no kidding that sperm and the egg an improv class with sperm and egg they were it was their own scene and they I love that idea and scene sperm you work at a gym This is your first time at the gym and go, you're pregnant. Actually, no, it's crazy.

39:40We didn't find out. We had been traveling and she had missed one of her periods. And basically we found out when she was two and a half months pregnant. So the next day we saw a heartbeat and that was two weeks before our wedding. Oh my God. So we got married, came home, started season, that was season two. We were shooting season two. And then he came, he came early. Again, this is like, again, sperm and egg doing their own thing. He came early on his own time and it was while we were shooting. And so she did direct between contractions because she was directing that day. I know. I know, which is mentally unwell.

40:14I mean, it's really, it's badass and so cool. It's pretty badass, yeah. But it's also. She's earned the right to be called Lucia. Yeah, oh good. That's what it takes. Now she's earned it. You know, now I've, I'm sorry, Lucia, you're gone now. It's Lucia now, rest in peace. That's unbelievable. Yeah. That's unbelievable. So it was a crazy year. It was a really, really crazy year. What's cool too is that as you go on through your career, you have this document, the actual show, where, I mean, in a weird way, I don't think about this much, but I have it too because I met my wife on a remote shoot.

40:49We went to an advertising agency and people look it up online all the time. Oh, wow. And I'm there just doing the Conan thing where I'm on a remote, being an ass. And then I just start talking to this one woman in the room. Within seconds, I'm not even trying to be funny. We're just talking about, uh-huh. Yeah, no, my dad, right. And so, okay. Wow. And you like cats? That's funny. No, well, I've not even thought, I had a cat when I was a kid. And my producer was listening on headphones outside the office where we were doing all this remote. I was like, what the fuck is he doing? So we have us meeting.

41:23Wow, that's really cool. Then we have the episode where I'm just back from the hospital because my daughter was born. That's really cool. And I'm talking about it on the air. Then we have the episode where I'm just back from the hospital because my son was born. I mean, I haven't really thought about it that much till this moment now, but those are weird documents. I remember bringing my son when he was little and, no, I brought my daughter to work right after she was born. Not right after, but, you know. We wiped her down. The doctor said, yeah, she was still, umbilical cord was stretched over 9th Avenue.

41:55you know cabs weren't hitting it it plays a low e note but anyway she's uh i brought my daughter in when she was old enough to come into and and was sitting at the i and i i saw tina faye recently and we reminisced about this because i said tina i will never forget tina was up in 8h rehearsing um saturday night live and i'm down on six on the late night set and I'm sitting and I'm holding my daughter and one of the cameramen zoomed in on my daughter. Suddenly double doors fly open and Tina comes running in and she was like, give me that baby. This is before she had her own daughter, but she was like, you could see that she had a baby fever and she was like, give me that.

42:41Oh my God. And she, I almost didn't get Nev back. And then it wasn't long afterwards that she had her own daughter, but it was, I have all these memories that are my show work is intertwined with, you know, my family, meeting my wife, falling in love, getting married, children. It all becomes a piece. And that's going to be part of all the work that you do going forward, even after Hex. It'll all be entwined. Yeah, I know. We think about that a lot. We actually, you know, we talk about the show like our first child in a way, because it is like raising a child in a way. and then he came and now has a sibling you know and he visits set sometimes and that's like and there's so much now we have a lot of and they fight and they do fight yeah well he really wants to he just really wants to go to Crafty that's all he cares about but now we have a lot of footage of because Gene is also Gene is similar to Tina Gene really wants Luca whenever he's on set and they have a great relationship and she threw my wife's baby shower and so we have all these photos and videos of him on set with Gene and, you know, sitting at Deborah Vance's desk as like an infant.

43:50And it is really cool that we'll have that. That's great. Forever, yeah. That's, well, I'm, you know, I mean, it's funny because after a while, I always think back to the I Love Lucy show where Lucy goes to the club to tell Ricky that she's pregnant. And it's just fascinating to me because that was a show business relationship in real life, but also they were doing a show about that. Yeah, yeah. And then you saw all the ways in which it was intertwined. Yeah. And, you know, we go by Paulilu. That's our moniker, which is a nod to Desilu. We don't have a show about our life, but we have a show that is our life.

44:32You play the bongos. That's right. I wish. I wish. Jimmy could pick up the bongos. That would actually be good. He starts smoking a lot of weed and does the bongos because Kayla just drives him off the deep end. That might be actually a good, We need something new. We need something new for Jimmy. A new year. I can help you with that. I'll be on set to pitch. I also want to give a personal shout out to an old fellow performer. One of the first things I ever did on stage was a show called Happy, Happy, Good Show. I did it with Robert Smigel and Bob Odenkirk in Chicago in 1988 during a writer's strike at it.

45:05And so we were at SNL and we went to Chicago and put up this very weird sketch show. And there I met Rose Abdu. Oh my gosh. And Rose Abdu was hilarious and great. And I'm just so delighted that she's on the show. She is so funny. She's always note perfect. She is perfect. And I tell you what, we, you know, we've now, whether it's at South By or at screenings at the Pally Fest, we've shown now a bunch of episodes to a live audience. She kills. She always knocks it out of the park. It's crazy. You know, she comes on for one pop and always knocks it out of the park. She is a trooper. She's like a vaudevillian trooper.

45:43And, but I've looked at, not long ago, I found a program from Happy Happy Good Show. I think I'm 25. I'm 6 '4". I think I'm 155 pounds. Wow. And there's a sketch. Jock. Where I'm supposed to be. Exactly. Damn. Jock. The cinder blocks. Jock or weather vane. You'd be the, you'd be the, pole vaulter. Yeah. No, the pole. The actual pole. and I think it's a sketch where I'm yeah it's a sketch where all of us are supposed to be naked but we're I'm holding a guitar and you can see my body and it's a freak show not that it isn't now but oh my god but Rose is in the picture and all of us are just really hopeful like we'll get there somehow it's just it's sweet it's a really sweet memory for me yeah she's been doing it for a long time and she is so good I'm really glad that she's a part of the family and she named the character It was a different name.

46:40And she said, I'm going to base this on my aunt and my mom. And we said, okay, do you want to choose a name? And she said, Josefina. I was like, great. She was like, I have it ready. Then she renamed your wife. Yeah, exactly. And you are Lucia. No, it's Lucia. Luciana. Luciana. Am I the only one who've noticed that you have the most amazing eyes? Oh, come on. And I have seen it on TV, but in person, I think I've fallen in love with Paul. throughout this interview. Very deeply in love with you. Because I'm just looking. Right back at you. No, no, I have creepy killer eyes. Look, Beattie, looking around.

47:18Oh my gosh. Look at that. Don't do that. Right? If you do that, yeah. But you do have really nice. You look like one of those paintings in a haunted mansion where the eyes move. Well, I think one of us has to call your wife. I am very happy for you. Thank you. Massive congratulations. If you ever want me to play a parking lot attendant on your show. We need you on the show. I'm not kidding whatever you exist in that universe I'm dead now if you don't have a late night show you're dead I think that was his it's all good I'll do whatever you guys want me to do it doesn't matter and I have no ego about it I'll do craft services on this show my son would love you just give him some pirate booty all chocolate pirate booty anything to help get an oar in the water like this show needs any help.

48:09I think you've won. It's insane. I can't even get into how many Emmys you've won, Peabody, but all well-deserved and - Thank you. Makes me happy, always does, when these youngsters out there, and you are youngsters, are doing really good, fantastic work and killing it. Makes me, by association, proud. So thank you. I'm glad you feel that way because we admire you and your work so much. And you know, Jen, my co-creator, interned for you and has amazing stories about that. Covered your assistant's desk and was very nervous and said that you were not only funny but kind. What? Yeah. Cuts on his mic.

48:51Depends on who. She's a very good assistant, I think. Oh, wow. She knows how to play it. Okay. Oh, he was very kind. Suddenly, Bugatti shows up outside her door with a bow on it. Thanks for playing along, Conan. Anyway, Hacks, it is season four now. Is it season four? We're in season four, yeah. Yeah, you're in season four. And I'm five shows through and loving it. Thank you. And keep doing what you're doing. Thank you. Please. I know you were thinking of stopping. Yeah. I almost retired last year. I'm encouraging you to continue. And then I said, I'll keep going. No, it was this podcast. Yeah, actually.

49:31You walked in, you're all like, I think we're going to stop now. Oh my God. Well, now I can retire. You know, I mean, this is, I actually, you know, I always wanted to be on your show. Oh. And, oh, it was a dream. And so this is a dream. But, you know, I saw you once and I said to my wife, I'm going to go up and introduce myself and just tell them that I'm a fan. Everyone likes to hear that they have fans. And she was like, so you can, you can edit this out if you want, if you want to keep privacy and anonymity. But it was at the Hotel Ducat. Yeah. Okay, so I'm at the Hotel du Cap. I was there on a junket.

50:06I got sent there. But they love you there. You're on the wall. Oh, really? They have a signature of yours on the wall, in the bar. The Hotel du Cap is not a hotel that I would book myself. Okay. I was sent there because I'm not the kind of person. Look, I like a nice hotel. Hotel. I like a nice hotel. Where is this hotel? Oh, it's in Eden Rock on France. Like near Cannes. Yeah. And I got sent there. They said, do you want to go and do this panel there and we'll fly you and your wife. And this is a legendary hotel. It's insane. And I get there and they're throwing some big shindig and I do my thing.

50:43And I'll never forget seeing Bon Jovi. Oh, Bon Jovi. We'll get to you. Seeing Bon Jovi and Bon Jovi. And I say, oh, hey, man, what are you doing here? And he went, they flew me in just to sing, you know, like a cob on a steel horse. Well, and it did. And I said, you're singing one song? He's like, that's it. And they're covering everything. And I thought, show business, I haven't experienced this a lot. This is fantastic. But anyway, so did we encounter each other? So no, because I, so we were actually, we weren't even staying in the main hotel. They have like a little annex that's less money.

51:18And so, because I wasn't flown. I paid for it. But we were on a budget. So at dinner, I said to Lucia, I'm going to take all of the baguette in the basket. and I put baguettes in my pocket. I love this. And so we get back to the hotel. We had had some French wine and I said, oh my God, there's Conan. I have to go say hello. And she said, babe, you have baguettes in your pocket. Your pockets are stuffed with baguettes. You would love that. You're going to look like Jean Beljean. You look like he's stolen food. Just wait until maybe you meet him properly one day. No! I know, I should have. I want to say.

51:55No, he's got baguettes in his pocket still. I know. Well, honestly, I would. I love bread. Oh, me too. First of all, she was wrong. Okay, she's Lucia again. Demote it to Lucia. Lucia. No, are you kidding? I would have loved that. I should have done it. I would have loved that. And as I think you will attest, you would have said, oh, I don't want to bother Conan O 'Brien. You would have come up to me. We would have started chatting. I would have asked you some questions. And then within 10 minutes, you'd be saying, I think I have to go. That is the usual experience. I should have done it then. That would have been huge.

52:26And I would have been like, Oh, now I've got bread in my pockets too. Let's do a big, hey, let's meet tomorrow and I'll have bread in my pockets. Be like, I don't think Conan, this is. What roomian? It's getting a neediness here. Oh, that was good. Yeah. Needy. Needy, yeah. That was very good. That was very good. Very neat, very good. Paul, thank you so much for making the time. Congrats on everything. Thank you for having me. And I'm real happy for you. Thanks so much.

52:55every now and then we stumble upon a revelation uh that uh really rocks our world and just the other day we found out that sona you were a girl scout yes i was i just don't see it what do you mean do you it's kind of shocking yeah it is a little shocking you're a rule breaker yeah you're a rebel, you know, you're the pinky Tuscan arrow. I still remember my pledge. I live by my pledge. And I think that I think that I pledge on my honor. I will try to serve God. I've already lost it to help people at all times to live by the Girl Scout law. Yeah, I do that. I always do that. So you're welcome. Do you think that you upheld the Girl Scout code when you were my full-time assistant?

53:44I helped people at all times. But what about me? I helped people at all times and I lived by the Girl Scout law. So, you know, I did my best with you. You do very well in a Senate confirmation meeting. I know, it does sound like that. Senate votes unanimously that you are the new Secretary of the Interior. I do not recall. So that's what I'm going to say. Did I always help you? I do not recall. How did you get into the Girl Scouts? Whose idea was it? Was this something that your parents came up with or is it something you wanted to do? I think my parents, I think they wanted to get us into American stuff.

54:21And so they signed me up as a Girl Scout when I was really young. I was a Daisy and then I became a Brownie. I think that, no, I was a Brownie, then I became a Junior. And so - I don't know what the ranks are. It starts off at Daisy. I thought Brownie was the beginning. Daisy was like - Daisy's the baby, Brownie, and then Junior, and then it goes up. but I stopped after Junior. And then it's Reich Führer. Very top. Oh, God. Yeah, that's when you get a long leather coat and a riding crop. It was fun, though. I had a lot of fun. In a Mercedes. Okay. Well, we are joined by someone else on staff who we also...

54:55Can I share a photo? And then it'll... Yeah, okay. That's very good. Eduardo has a... Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at that. Sona. So serious. I don't know why I'm holding the flowers like that. Sona, you look kind of like nonplussed about it all. It does look like you're curling the flowers. It does. Oh, I just. I know. This is incredible. Look at you. Yeah. It's like a flower bear at a funeral or something. But also look at what are those markings indicate? Are those different awards that you won? Yeah. Those are my badges. That's what it's all for. Yeah. But what were the badges? Do you remember what your badges were for?

55:38I have no idea. I think it was like, I mean, it was the 80s and 90s. It was like, oh, I made applesauce. Oh, look at me. I made a pie. Oh, look, I learned how to sew. Yeah. And camping and stuff. Yeah. I bet Sona was really good at selling cookies, though. Oh, my God. You just tapped into a thing. We would go in front of the Albertsons and it was me and this troop leader's daughter and we would battle it out to see who would sell more. And sometimes we were so aggressive, we scared away customers. Oh my God. And you were just, and here's the thing, you were a little girl who scared away adults and you were holding cookies.

56:16We're in a brownie uniform. Look at that monster. Look at that monster. Yeah. Oh my God. You always be closing. It's an assassin. Yes, you were a - Just an assassin. You were a David Mamet play. Desperate. These are the Glen, I want the Glen Gary leads. I can't sell these Milanos. I want the Samoa leads. I want the Samoa leads. These Milanos ain't selling. Milanos are not Girl Scout cookies. And you should know that. I don't know. How dare you? Oh, by the way, no one's bought more Girl Scout cookies than I have. Okay. Because we have some moms here that work here that have daughters. And all I do is buy Girl Scout cookies by the bucket load.

57:00Okay. And I take none of them home. I don't eat them. So, um, Well, you should know Milano's are not Girl Scout cookies. Okay. Tell me what the cookies are. There's Thin Mints. There's Samoas. There's the, that's pretty much, oh, the Tagalongs are really good. Um, the shortbread. Okay. There's the lemon ones. I mean, it sounds like, and what was your spiel when you were trying to sell? Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies? I bet your spiel was more like, you're going to buy some fucking cookies. Or you're going to have a flat tire when you're done buying grapes. And you're going to have protection from here on out.

57:30You understand? You understand? I was smoking a cigarette. You just wore a tracksuit. Tracksuit with badges on it. Tracksuit, badges. You're smoking a bubble gum cigarette. Look here, see? Why are you carrying a tire iron, you little scout? You like having knees? Must be nice. Look, you buy some tag alongs and I won't be tagging along if you know what I mean. Hey, I'm also gonna sell you some Milanos. They're not street cred. These fell off a truck Yeah, I don't think those are Girl Scout cookies I said they fell off a truck

58:10Now, David It was also revealed When you saw this picture of Sona, you said Wait a minute, I must add something to this I was a scout You were a scout You were not only a scout, though, you were an eagle scout That's as high as you can go You're lucky to have us Yeah, I know So, wow, both my assistants have risen in the ranks of one of the most prestigious blah, blah, blah. Oh, look at that picture. That's so adorable. I think that that's me holding a participation trophy. No, you got a slot car. You're doing a slot car race. That was my Pinewood Derby car that I, like, built. Oh, look at David.

58:48And then I lost. And that's my participation trophy. He got a participation trophy. What does a participation trophy look like? I mean, it's just smaller than the other trophies. But is it a figure kind of shrugging? It's a car. It's a little car. Oh, it's a little car. It's not even a car. It's just a blob. That was a big day. Yeah, I can tell. You've never been able to live up to that day. You put in so much work and then you put your car up and it's over in like a second. David, you look no different. Sona looks like, Sona has grown into an adult person. you look like look at David and look at this little boy I need to get the round glasses again I should oh my god David that's a very cute photograph now you what kind of badges did you get I mean if you went that high I mean it sounds like Sona just had a couple of bullshit badges no seriously like you didn't stick around that long you didn't have any badges if we're in nature with the two of us we could yeah we could start a fire We could do that, I think.

59:57Wait, could you start a fire, do you think, using just two sticks? No, I could with a lighter. Yeah. Oh, wow, that's what they teach when the scouts now? You need to go into the woods, and all you have is an acetylene torch and 17 pounds of beef. Sona got her fire badge from just leaving a curling iron on. So what about you, David? I mean, we had to do, like, the camping one. And the climbing one was awful because I had to rappel from like a 30 foot tower and I was terrified. But we didn't sell cookies. We sold Christmas trees. Oh, that's nice. Wow. Did they come to a certain lot or did you have to haul a tree around?

1:00:37They would come to a lot. And then the Boy Scouts, we would just sit there and sell to everyone in Carlinville. And this is Carlinville, Illinois. Shout out to Carlinville. Yeah. And David has told me many stories about Carlinville. You're basically a local at this point. No, I know all about Carlinville. I have gone on the local websites. Yeah. You've shown me where you used to hang out, one of the two places where you could hang out in Carlinville. Hey, Carlinville, Conan O 'Brien here. I would love to visit Carlinville someday. And I think I deserve a parade. There will be a parade. No, David doesn't get a parade.

1:01:12Did they both get to be on the float? No. He's a local boy made good. David drives the float. I'll still wave. And our float will come in second. What is our float going to be? It's going to be the participation float. I love that there's a float competition for Conan to visit. Yeah. And because you're driving, we get the participation. Sona wins somehow. I know. I will say this. I trust you both with my life. And that speaks well of the boy in Girl Scouts. because I think you're both exemplary people. I don't say that you have great skills. Oh, okay. And I wouldn't go turn to you if I was lost in the woods, but you're both very good people.

1:02:00They gave you a good moral code. Yeah, we'll take it. Yeah. Thanks. So shout out to the scouts. Oh, we took the over. And hey, scouts, get a Milano. There's no reason why you just can't start putting Milanos in there. And no, it's not a trademark name. And no, I haven't looked into it. just do it. But anyway, uh, and, uh, Carlinville, we'll be seeing you soon. We're going to be in the paper. You just sexually harassed a city. These pictures can be viewed at team Coco podcast on Instagram. Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorley produced by me, Matt Gorley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.

1:02:47Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

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