Rose Byrne

24:47You best be reading me scripts. What is wrong? You best be reading my scripts. I'm sending it your way. Pretty much. I'll take it to a donkey. She's a pirate. She's a pirate agent. I said she was a pirate. I heard pirate, not Irish. Arr. Pretty much. Ca, ca. Weirdly exactly like that. Why did my parrot go ca, ca? Parrots don't go ca, ca. You're an Irish pirate with a raven. I couldn't get a parrot, so I had to get a raven. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. So anywho, you've got a line down your head. There's a real visceral cellular reaction to an Irish woman. I feel it. I'm sorry. They terrorized me.

25:34Straight up. Throughout my life. From the island. Straight up. No, she's very discerning, you know, and she's only written a few times over the years. And she said, you need to read this. And I was like, hmm, okay. But she, you know, read like fire. It's like she lit the page. It's such an unbelievable script. And I want to hear your thoughts on it when you read it. and I devoured it and there's an incredible symmetry to the script with the imagery, kind of the metaphors that are going on and what's happening in front of Linda, what's happening to her and what's happening outside of her. There's a wonderful symmetry and you really do see it, I think, in the finished product as well.

26:10It's very much there. And I just thought, oh my God, what an opportunity. It's someone throwing you the ball, right? And you've got the bat and you're like, can I really? Oh my God, oh my God. And it was extraordinary. and it's sort of genre defying in a way. There's many genres. There's horror, tropes of horror in there. There's tropes of drama. There's comedy in there too. And there's comedy. So I, you know, I couldn't believe it. And then I started to, you know, I met with Mary and we started to work together and I just thought, I'm like, I cannot fuck this up. I was like, I cannot fuck this up.

26:40So I have this funny experience, which is this script comes my way and we talked about this with Mary on the podcast, but Adam Sandler calls me and... Oh, I didn't know that. Sandler called you, yeah. Yeah, just to tell me he admired my work. And then he, hold on. And then he called me. Copy that. I'm just name dropping now. And then Brad Pitt texts me. He wants to know where I got my four tourists. You're going to win that game, by the way. And so anyway, all these famous people are always calling and texting. No, Adam called and he said, is it okay if I give one of the Safdie brothers your number?

27:15And it's for an A24 film. And I went, I guess so. and he was like, oh, you think so, Coney? Yeah, dummy, idiot. And so, at first I thought it's going to be, if someone like me gets offered a part, it's always to play myself. Do you know what I mean? Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, oh, and then the characters turn on the TV and Conan O 'Brien's there and he's saying, you all heard in the news the story about, insert character's name here. And then I, they were like, no, no, no, you're playing a character. um so i talked to mary and tried very hard to talk her out of it i just was like well this is a really great script and yeah you don't want me in there and but she was adamant and then what was your reaction when you were like oh i it's playing a therapist um i i mean my first reaction was there's be honest with you was there's been a mistake yeah you know like why why am i why is someone and i should talk to my therapist about that but i it it was um it's very surprising to me that she has this this beautiful thing that she's written that's a real statement by her and I and comes from her life and I just this is her big shot and I'm in there and I thought okay and I really didn't want to mess things up so she was very like so we felt the same way we felt the same way we were like only there's a difference I'm like, I messed it up.

28:47Here's a little difference. You're Rose Byrne. And I'm going to the band. So then I'm starting to feel better because she's given me all the reasons why I'd just be perfect for it. And she said, trust me, everyone is excited about you doing it and you're perfect for it. And I thought, well, they're professionals. They must know. And then Mary sets this meeting at the Whitby Hotel that I show up at, you show up at, and Mary shows up at, And you proceed to say, excuse me, Conan, what acting have you done? And I start saying, well, I really have that. No, but I mean, what films have you done? And I went, I haven't done any films.

29:29And then you said, uh-huh. And I said, I've done sketches. And she said, but what about like dramatic roles film? And I went, I haven't really done that. And then you start drilling down deeper and you went, but surely you did plays in high school. And I said, no, I didn't. And Mary, I didn't know you that well then. So I thought, Rose Byrne does not want me in this. And then I find out later that you're taking the piss out of me. And like you winked at Mary. But I left thinking, oh my God, like she's gonna go to her Irish script reader and say, put down that bowl of taters and get Conan off this feckin', not fuckin', but feckin' movie.

30:17But I often feel like people have secret histories. You don't know. Like, you know, maybe you had a rich history of doing a play or at Harvard, you know, like... You knew I didn't do any. No, but I don't know, honestly. Now you're being the nice person. No, no, no, honestly. Like, I was like... I remember going, but has anyone approached you before? Or has anyone asked you to do a dramatic role that didn't work out. So, you know, like, I was, like, doing investigative, like, because I feel like... Yeah. It was like you were wearing a wire and people were listening in a van. And then, all I remember is you slammed your plate down at one point and said, who do you think you are?

30:54That did happen. That did happen. And then you slapped me. And then I hit you. Yeah. I hit you. And then I hit me. Yeah. It was... No. And then we start... We start doing this movie. We start the process of making this movie and I will admit, I was saying that I worked really hard with Mary. You did. And there's no... For a longer than... For a year. You were attached forever. Yeah. Long before. As was Rocky. So you're making the point that you got it much quicker than I did. I see what you're doing. Look at this. This rose is such a master at passive aggression. Are you seeing it? Yeah, you. A long time.

31:30A long time. I mean, much longer than me. And I'm really 99 % of the film. But anyway, I had that experience of worked very hard with her, tried to prepare as much as I possibly could. And then before you know it, it's a very small room. All our scenes are in a tiny room. Tiny room. It's a tiny room. And I'm a large fellow. Tiny room. And we're in this tiny room. Tiny room. And. Is it quite hot? Or how was the temperature? I don't remember. I think you were very excited to see me. Of course. That's what that happened. You kept saying, is it hot in here? And people were like, it's actually 33 degrees.

32:05Was it stuffy? I just remember. or was it? Yes, it was. They had sealed all the windows for sound and it's just a regular office on the Upper East Side. So it was... This is not a fence. This is like, we shot this fast and it was like a big budget. It was just to set the scene. It's not like it's a... I was told you got all the money, all of it. Of course I did. Yeah. All the money. And you came in the first day wearing a grill. It said Rose Rocks. Yep. And I was like, that's a little over the top. That's how I work. I know, but I... Establish my boundaries. That was really off-putting. Every time you stood up, just money fell out of you.

32:44But I, we had these, I'll never forget, just sitting opposite you and we're in that room. And then I hear, action! Like the whole, the hallway's packed with people. Action! And you and I have this scene to do. It's crazy. And I think the first take, I was just trying to process, I'm in a movie. Why am I in a movie? I know. Why am I in a movie with Rose Byrne? This is insane. And then I kind of got it together, I think, for the second take and was able to just, okay, just be in it. But I think on the first take, I was freaked out, you know? That's how it felt. You were great. I looked at you and you were there.

33:26You were my scene partner and you were present and I never felt not safe. But then I see a close-up. I know. I've worked with a lot of people and it's like, you know when someone is there with you when you were there with me. And the scenes were very hard. They were challenging. There's a destructive relationship. It's at the end of this relationship with this therapist and their patient and it is someone in a crisis and they're not treating each other well. It's complicated. Well, I was saying this to Mary Bronstein, the writer-director. I was telling her that one of the things that was a little difficult for me is I am extremely fond of you and I'm also a caretaker.

34:07So in real life, if it started to rain, I would scramble to like have a tent built around you. It's that kind of thing. It's counterintuitive. And my character is the exact 180 degree opposite. And you are in this tight space and you are begging me, you know, screaming at me for help. And I'm not doing the thing. Every cell in my body is saying we must help Rose Byrne. And then I have to remind myself, this is not Rose Byrne right now. This is my patient. But it was... The scenes were challenging. I agree. But you, and I've told this to everybody, and you can see it in the film, I just was present for you turning yourself inside out in the scene.

34:53it's so insane to watch someone do that, especially in an enclosed space, not up on a proscenium in a theater, but just take their own heart out and crush it in front of you. And then I'd hear cut and you would start laughing or giggling or you'd say, I want a sandwich, you know, and making jokes. And then Mary would come in and go, okay, let's do another one. You'd be like, all right. And I'm like, oh, what do you mean another one? No one can do that twice. And you do it like 19 times. You want me to pull my heart and my lungs out this time? I could try that for you. Or just one lung and two hearts.

35:33It was just weird to see. I'm very impressed. Those scenes were epic. They were like, I hadn't done that sort of scene before. That sort of, where you're in a therapist's office like that, where it's really like in real life where you're having these sort of moments with your therapist. So it was wild. That was definitely a, those days were, I mean, they were fun. There's a fun, for me, a fun element of like, can we do this? And like, you're taking off together in this scene. Like what's going to happen, you know? Yeah, yeah. And then seeing, you know, where it kind of goes. There was one, I can't remember if this made it into the film or not, but there's one scene where you're, I think you're lying.

36:09There's some scenes we're in the chair and there's some scenes we're on the therapist's couch, but where you're going through all these emotions and at one point, you're just trying different stuff. and it was so fun to watch you play. At one point, your feet went up in the air. I'm there. I remember that, yeah. And you're doing some sort of yoga feet up in the air thing. Some obnoxious stretching in the chest. Yeah, exactly. She's so obnoxious. She's like a child. You're trying to provoke your therapist. And so you're doing like this weird yoga stretch where your feet go up into the air and your head, you know.

36:42So silly. I don't think it made it in. No, I don't think so. I think it might have been a bridge too far. I know, but I was, I like. It was so silly. what you and I do is galaxies apart, but then I see flashes of, oh, I know what that is. That's you playing to find things and offering Mary all these choices. And I know that we do that in comedy. Yeah, totally. You know, we do that in comedy. Exactly, it's the same, absolutely, an offering. Like you're, and she allowed us to do that. You know, there was these, you know, and her, especially in those scenes, it's always, I mean, I'm always looking for a little levity, right?

37:18And those scenes were heavy. So it's like, how can we sneak in something that is a little bit, you know, that might be funny? I don't know. So I have a question, which is something I find very endearing is your refusal to take yourself seriously in a profession where everybody takes themselves very seriously. Is that an Australian thing or is that a Rose Byrne thing? You tell me. What do you think? Because you've probably had Australians in this chair before. So I don't know. That's right. We had all of Akkadaka here, which is the correct way to say ACDC. Akkadaka. It's true. I did a show in Sydney once at some big theater downtown.

37:57And one of the best crowds ever. I mean, an Australian audience. They are such a good, I'm so glad you say that because it's such a long way to come. So when people do get there, they really do appreciate it. People kept thanking me for coming. And I said, you know, I kept saying, you know, you have a really good country. I'm happy to be here. but um but no the crowd was insane and great but they're what i love is they just uh there's no formality like if i would call on someone instead of just ask answering my question from their seat they'd come running up on stage and then would end up being scene partners and doing a bit we just there's a lot of improvising and having fun and taking the piss in australia which is really lovely cultural language for sure but do you think that's part of your anytime a compliment comes your way or people say, oh my God.

38:46And you're like, well, thank you. And then I see the deflection. Yeah. Which is... I mean, I would say the same of you. You're a bit of a deflector, I would say. Is that an Irish thing? I mean, I am. I think so. I have Irish, you know, ancestors. Yeah, yeah. How Irish are you? Are you... I haven't, well, Byrne. So B-Y-R-N-E is like one of the most common names in Ireland. So when I went there, they said, welcome home. Welcome home. They did. And my full name is Mary Rose, which is like literally a ship, you know, from Ireland, you know. But funny, when I went there, I felt melancholy. I don't know.

39:23I felt like the Irish kind of streak of pain, if I may say. I'll share with you guys. I felt the joy, but I also felt that. Did you feel like that when you were there? I had a… Do you have any reaction? I was like, I'm going to feel like the motherland. And I had that to an extent. And then I felt like the deep kind of history of, you know, stuff. Yeah, there's, I went back for my travel show and I got very sad. And I'm not someone who lets myself probably, I have a difficulty accessing that. And there was no hiding it there. I just really felt, I said, oh my God, the view here, it's such a beautiful, you can see these mountains.

40:06They're so gorgeous. And oh, my God. And I said, why did people leave? And the woman I was with said, because you can't eat the view. Like they didn't, you know, and they needed this wasn't working and they had to go. And I thought, right, idiot. That's intense. It was really intense, but that's why they left. A true return to your roots. Did they try to eat the view before they left? I looked at the mountains and there was one big chomp out of it. Maybe they didn't need some seasoning. Yeah. But that's real. I get that. I get that. Always good to bring levity into famine. I'm serious. I'm serious.

40:44I appreciate that. I needed an out and you gave it to me. But no, but like that is part of it. But I think Australia is so fascinating to me because so many Irish went there or were sent there. We were really sent. Most of us were. Yeah. Well, you were clearly sent. I was clearly sent. Yeah. Yeah, no, the jails were overflowing and they got this crazy experiment where they were like, let's put all these people in a ship and ship them out there and they can live out their sentence there and then hang out with the people who put them in jail in the first place. That's a short history and also ruin all of the indigenous people, culture, you know.

41:23That whole thing that happened. There's a reason they don't use you in the tourism ads anymore. Can we try another take, Rose? I know, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Wait, let's not focus on that. Yeah. And then you forgot one of the most important things, which is everyone from Ireland who got shipped over there has my skin coloring. Yeah, I know. And they're suddenly living at the equator. Yeah. And they're running around shirtless in that sun. It is the weirdest story. It's a pretty crazy story. Yeah. Everyone is beet red there. Everybody. Yeah, it's wild. And so I was thinking, okay, that's the currency in my family where I come from, which is you make fun of yourself before anyone else can make fun of you?

42:06I think so. No, I do. To your point, I think it's absolutely a cultural fact. You know, we don't take ourselves too seriously. There's a thing called tall poppy, never get jumping for your boots. And, you know, like, there's definitely an element of that culturally for Australians. And I guess I kind of embody that a little bit. But, you know, my, you know, yeah, humor's always been a big thing in our family and I've always been firmly, you know, made fun of. and supported at the same time. But no, it's not. I find earnestness pretty hard to swallow. I do too. To be honest, it's not my cup of tea.

42:41That's why I've surrounded myself with the least earnest people in the world. It's like, yeah. Fuck you. What a good joke. But I take the work seriously. I love the work and I love the work. That I would absolutely take seriously. I mean, it was clear to me that you're not screwing around in this role. And it's been delight to see the reaction to your performance has just made me so happy because universally people have been saying, yeah, Rose Byrne and Mary likes to use the phrase hiding in plain sight. You've been here. You've been doing incredible work. Everyone loves you. and then you do this role and everyone is saying, Jesus Christ, this is yes.

43:32It's just really nice. Yeah. Oh, look, I feel very emotional about it. I'm emotional about the movie. I'm protective of it. Like, I think it's such an incredible piece of art. I think Mary's a force of nature. I think her story is so punk rock, how she's taken this tackled motherhood and being a caretaker and really in a radical way. Like, it's very unconventional and it's uncomfortable and I love the film. So I'm still figuring it out as we were chatting about earlier. Like I'm still discovering it and seeing it through, particularly a lot of friends who are now seeing it, seeing it through other people's eyes and what they're discussing with me about it and what feelings they're responding with.

44:07And I'm so grateful not to be corny, but to be a part of that. And I feel, yeah, I feel very like so proud to be in this. There's something about, maybe you could tell me what it is, but it is a different movie and there aren't a lot of movies like this. Well, there's the tradition of sort of the woman falling apart. That is... Yes, that's a tradition. But Mary pointed out to me, those are all written by men. Yeah, totally. Through the lens of the gaze of a man. And she was like, no, no, no, I'm going to write this. And this movie is like refusing to ignore this woman. You know, a lot of mothers feel invisible.

44:46They don't feel seen. They don't feel acknowledged. And this movie is like, no, no, no, you can't look away. This is a mother in a crisis with a child and she will not be kind of ignored. Okay. Which is a response. A friend was chatting with a friend and she was like, I felt seen. And I was like, wow. And then I have friends who don't have children who really understood other aspects of the movie and other things she's bringing up in people. So I think that's a mark. Well, my wife has not seen the movie yet. Oh, yeah, she's not seen it? And I wanted her to see it. She's not a fan of my work. What a shame.

45:26That's so hard. What a shame. Has no aware I did television, really. Just doesn't like the podcast. Liza. No, Liza hasn't seen it yet. And she wants to see it, and she was going to see it tonight when we go to this event. She can't come? She can't come because she has to be in Seattle to see her lover. who by the way, he's a great guy. He's hot too. He's a ferry captain. The weather's really bad then. He's very tan. He's the most tan guy. Because he takes her to Mexico all the time. I'm like, well I'm closer, I could take her. And he's like, I got it. They're actually going to see the movie together.

46:11They're gonna come up to me afterwards. We thought it was great. yeah i loved it god damn it why is your voice so low and resonant but anyway um but i've been telling her because you know um i really like her podcast oh yeah she is the she is the brains of of of our outfit and she but she said an interesting thing which is um i mean i was telling her that that this movie i don't it's going to be tough for you it's not gonna be easy because it's very visceral about what a woman goes through who is a mom and trying to handle it all when her husband's off doing talk shows um and uh yeah but i i know she's gonna love it but also that it's going to push some buttons did she read the script she did read the script and she said to me i didn't know people made wrote scripts like this anymore in the nicest way.

47:08Oh, that's rad. That's such a cool comment. Yeah, so I'm, you know, Mary really wanted to get, the film is so you, up to the point where the camera is so close to you so much of the time. And initially, did that freak you out at all? Well, the first day, the camera got closer and closer and closer. It was like here, and I could hear it. It's film, you know? And I said to her, are you going to be that close? That's how close we're going to be? I was like, mm-hmm, yeah. And I was like. You sent the dailies to your dermatologist. Yeah, exactly. I was like, I'm a best mask going on. I'm a black cream.

47:49We'll just freeze it. But I could. I could hear it. I could hear it going. So it was cool. I mean, it's just technical, right? So just sort of adjusting for that and making sure. We were always in dialogue. Like, did you get this? Did you get that? Should I try one like this? Try one like, you know. Even though we'd had this great rehearsal period, her and I. but that technical side of stuff you don't know until you're there right yeah you've got to like figure it out and and understand it and get my sea legs with working with the camera department but um but i knew she was doing something you know what i mean i was like she's pulling something off here and the conceit of not which is not really a spoiler but the conceit of never seeing the daughter was also something she told me early on and i was like okay right so i knew she was crafting this language and this tension to tell this story in her you know vision her cinematic vision and it wasn't until I saw it that I was like oh good lord wow my goodness me she she nothing could have prepared me yeah you've done so much work in film and yet this seems like a big evolution or step forward or change in some way because it pretty much is I mean yeah ASAP Rocky myself you guys have some people tossed in there but we're and and we're playing the parts that we need to play but this is this is you and that was that was that was um i think it's one of the most powerful things about the film is um it's interesting it is your journey and uh i think i've heard you say that so often it's easy for a woman to be an appendage in a film or like you know you're the of course you're the co-equal or less yes yep which i've done many times oh my gosh many times but this is truly from the perspective of this character like you have no other perspective really and sometimes you don't know what's real and what's not like when through the eyes of this woman who's just so disassociated you know it's a real tightrope the whole thing it's like and as that mother myself like just confronting all of these you know it's very people are not comfortable there's a lot of shame around women who are disappointed with motherhood or have anger around motherhood or have you know feelings that aren't anything, anything less than total fulfillment, total fulfillment.

50:03Isn't it just the most joyous, totally fulfilling. And Andy, Andy Richter told me when his kids were really little, he said, you know what it is? It's high stakes boredom. And I said, what do you mean? Cause this is before I had had my kids. And he said, it's a two and a half year old and you're, they're not doing anything and you're just staring at them. But if you, if you're not vigilant for a second, they will try to run in front of a car and that's what it is and so there's of course there are moments of resentment yeah it's good feelings bad feelings and at this point she's not even a mother she's a caretaker more you know so she's not even getting those joy the joy of it and the like the extraordinary parts of it and yeah yeah it's like this she's just in this crisis of being a caretaker so i i felt um that was you know yeah such a opportunity you know it's just an opportunity It's like you don't get these shots often.

51:00So I feel, yeah, you know, I feel a bit too like I can't believe it came to me. I'm like a little bit like that too. Now it got back to me. You've tried to cut me out of the film. Just the first scenes. You said. The last scene I thought was pretty good. Pretty good. Smart. You requested. This is true. I would have done that. Yeah. Rose suggested that maybe, because she saw a rough cut and said. this is really rough we could get yeah she said I've seen rough cuts but this is and she said what are we going to do about him and then she said can you just put a CPR dummy in there and put an orange wig on it and they tried it I have a question for you when did you first see the film?

51:43I saw the film for the first time at Sundance? yes at Sundance we were at Sundance together what was your experience of watching it? I think a little disassociated yeah yeah like you were out of it I watched no I could watch I really loved it and I could watch you I could watch everything you know my scenes I just think it's it's a weird I can't really connect to it I can't watch that dispassionately and I know anyone who's been like you an experienced you know actor can do that I can't do that I'm just happy I didn't look at the lens at some point and give a little wink here's a crazy hypothetical I know there's a lot of awards buzz for you Rose but let's just say supporting actor I know hold on supporting actor nomination for Conan O 'Brien he wins but he's also hosting the Oscars what happens the world implodes first of all you've just ensured it won't happen that was my goal how superstitious are we very superstitious yeah I come from that island me too that pirate island we're probably related yeah I think so yeah No, I don't think so.

52:56I just looked in a mirror and then I looked at you and I'm like, okay. I have cousins that look like you. You have cousins that look like me? I have an uncle with no legs. I do. I do have cousins very similar. Very, very similar. Say it. Handsome. Handsome. Totally. Okay, there we go. It was so sad. I have a cousin that looks like you. I do. But then they fixed it. No. No. Listen, you can't help me. The damage is too deep, Rose, too deep. You're not getting my sympathy. Yeah, I don't think we'll encounter that problem ever. And I think the important thing... But you are hosting again, correct?

53:32Yeah, that's the plan. Wow. You were so great. I loved you. Loved, loved last year's ceremony. It's wonderful. I couldn't think of the word. I was like, events, ceremony, whatever. You become very poised. I know, all of a sudden I'm the Queen of England. But I... I couldn't think of the word. I was like, what is it? An event? No, it's not an event. It's a ceremony. It's a ceremony. So Rose Byrne is to be so elegant, using just the correct, but then also so goofy at the same time, crossing your eyes, doing a bit, and then right back into, oh, we're here with Dame Judi Dench. That was like, you had to thread such a crazy needle.

54:15It was such a, following such a tragedy here in California. Remember? And you had to, it was like, kind of an impossible I know you probably disassociate but it was like that's like kind of an impossible task so that's a tough that's a tough gig that is a tough gig okay now I don't want to do it again yeah you do yeah you do get the CPR dummy if it ain't tough it ain't fun come on the CPR dummy yeah

54:45this is hosted tonight by the CPR dummy yeah Yeah, Leo DiCaprio comes out, does chest compressions. Well, the movie, I mean, this is cool. We get to plug the movie. If I had legs, I'd kick you. It's a weird thing to say, but I feel like as like an uncle figure, whatever, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of Mary. I'm just happy for both of you. Thanks, buddy. Thanks for having us. And October 10th, you can go to the cinema to see it. And thanks for your support, my therapist. My therapist. You know what? My character doesn't have a name. You'll forever be my therapist. Oh, really? Yeah, and I looked at, there's a degree on the wall, which you can't see in the movie, but I walked up to one point and where it says name, it just says therapist.

55:28Did you give yourself a name in your character work? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. It's not too late. The movie's not out. Nigel G. Sopsip. That's bad. I think it's best if we take him out. That was a bad one.

55:44Anyway, just a joy to work with you and to get to know you better. You too, pal. You too. I'll be seeing you around the circuit. I see you on the circuit. Wow. Yep. Thanks for having me. Thank you for such a wonderful room of funny, lovely people here. Thank you. We do.

56:08What's this thing about you being a seat filler? I'll do it, sure. Okay. Just say, hey, Conan, any childhood, any memories from your early days in show business? Okay, ready? Yep. Hey, Conan, any memories from your childhood days in show business? All right, one more time. Hey, Conan, do you have any memories about your childhood days in show business? Childhood days in show business? Early days. He said early days. What am I, Shirley Temple? You just teed me up to do that. It was time to shoot on the good ship lollipop. Puff, puff, I'm smoking a cigar. No, we were just talking earlier and you guys said, hey, bring that up on the podcast.

56:46It's one of those early memories of young Conan out in the world. I think I was a writer on Saturday Night Live. This would have been the, I don't know, sometime between 1988 and 1991. I think we were in a hiatus. I wasn't doing much. I was bumming around. And someone, because I did sketches on the show, occasionally I would appear in the background of some SNL sketches. and someone said, hey, Conan, they could use you over at, I don't know if it was the MTV Video Awards or VMAs or something. It was some early version of one of those types of shows and it was shooting at the Armory in New York.

57:24I remember this. And they said at rehearsals, they need people to pretend to be the winners. So you sit in the audience and they say, and the winner is Phil Collins. And then a black woman stands up and she walks up on the stage and she says, I want to thank the other members of Genesis. And she basically just so they can get the lighting right and the blocking right, because you're certainly not going to get that person there. They never read the real winner because that can never be revealed before the show. So they always say at the beginning of rehearsal, this is for rehearsal purposes only.

57:55The winner is Phil Collins or whatever. So I was just like, this is interesting. I'll do this. And I think I got like$50 or whatever I got. So I went over and I think about this now because when I do award shows now, I'm there when I see the people who are doing that same thing that I used to do. Did you ever think you'd be up there hosting the Oscars and here you are just a seat filler, you know, fake award winner? Yes, I did. I knew. I just knew. I said it's going to be probably around 2025. Global warming is going to be a real problem. People don't think so. Ozone layer would have been fixed.

58:27And yeah, I just knew the whole thing. So anyway, no, I would have had no idea. But I was there and I was doing that. And I think I had to be someone in Oingo Boingo once. I mean, it was just these crazy. These references are so funny, you know, and I was like, well, on behalf of Boingo, I just want to say I was joking around a lot and they probably told me to shut up. But what I remember very clearly is someone who was there in person was Tina Turner was hanging out at the rehearsal. Yeah. Wow. And so I'm sitting there just wearing my little lanyard that says backstage goofball. And Robert Palmer was there.

59:08Simply irresistible. He was there. The two of them were there. I think they probably had a sound check, but they were just hanging out. And I remember they announced the category. and again they said you know okay what's the winner for best song of 1988 is and they opened the envelope and someone said tina turner and this person got up i think a 62 year old um very pale man stood up with crutches and went up on stage and said i'm just really excited that i'm here to win this award and tina turner was there and she got really excited because she thought this means that she's going to win that night.

59:47And I saw her manager have to go up to her and say, no, no, no, this is just for rehearsal. And I remembered seeing someone's, a huge icon of rock dreams get crushed in that moment. I saw that happen. It wasn't that bad. I think she probably ended up winning anyway. But yeah, it was one of those things where I had a lot of experiences like that. That's fun. Yeah. Showbiz. It was showbiz. And I was just this young. Your childhood showbiz. Yeah, it wasn't childhood. I would have been in my 20s at that point, mid-20s. But it was an exciting moment for me back then. And now all these years later, I still treasure it.

1:00:25Was that sincere? Nope. I didn't think so. No. Okay. It's just one of those things that, you know. So the year was 1986, according to what I found. Oh, it was 86. Okay, so guess what? I wasn't on SNL yet. It was pre-SNL. 1986, and what was it? Not necessarily the news. The VMAs. It was the VMAs. Was it at the armory? It was in New York, not at the armory. What was the Tina Turner song? We don't need another year. I bet it was going to be, what's love got to do? Is that 86? What's love, a secondhand emotion? Typical male? What's that? Typical male, you got a typical male. Is that what? It's much so much better than an atypical male.

1:01:10Her video was full of that. What's that, a mailbox? we don't need another hero that's what I said okay well anyway I was there and what would Robert Palmer have been there for was that simply irresistible probably Robert Palmer was there and he presented a video Vanguard award to Madonna okay I didn't see Madonna at rehearsal because you didn't get to go to the show his video was addicted to love yeah he's so fine she's no telling where the money went We can't afford it. We can't afford it. You guys have to stop. We don't have to pay this. No, we do. I don't think we have to pay if we sing a song, do we?

1:01:47I think we're singing it so... Let's get that from Adam. Adam, do we have to pay if we sing a song? Yes. I don't know. Let me ask you this. You don't know. Let me ask you this. It's murky. The verses we're singing are so far from the original that they can't be... It works for me. Okay. No, I think you can't. And she's a-climbing the straightway to heaven. Oh, boy. No, but listen. You can't do it. Yes, you can because I just sang it incorrectly. Yeah. I mean, legally you can, but. I said stairway. I know, but you shouldn't. You're just ruining things, I think. It's okay. Look, we're going to get some clarity on this.

1:02:27Okay. Because I think we should be able to sing these things. People know me as a crooner and I'm a jukebox. Quiet. They know me. I'm America's jukebox. I've got these golden pipes. No. They call me the Velvet Smog. And I think that we should be able to sing songs. Well, we should look into this. And I would say stay tuned. Yeah. To a future episode. Stay tuned. To a future episode. I don't know what we're doing. Don't make it. Oh. Oh, boy.

1:02:58Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow Theme song by The White Stripes Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy

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1:04:03Thank you.