Separated at Birth

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, Okay, let's get started. Stop it, stop it, you two, stop it. I'm gonna stop this podcast. I'm gonna turn this, oh hi, Katie, you've come at a bad time. Oh boy. No, no, Katie, we were just - Guys, get it together, come on. I was trying to hit, this is full disclosure, I was trying to hit Sona with a Kleenex box and she was batting it away with her fists. Like a cat. Do you know that we've had an episode start almost verbatim to this before? Yeah, well, this is who we are. Yeah. And also I choose from the weapons that are near me and it's either that or this generic iced tea bottle.

0:46So I, and that would be more hurtful. So I go with, listen, Katie, let's not make it about us and our squabbles. Let's make it about you and your fights with people using Kleenex boxes. Sounds great. Katie, where are you coming from? I am in Longmeadow, Massachusetts. So I'm a kind of West side of the state. We are not quite to the Berkshires, but well past Worcester, around Springfield. Okay, well, all my people are from basically either Worcester or Sturbridge, you know, Millbury, that kind of area. So just keep going west a little bit. You come across us. Yeah, we never did grow west of there.

1:27Listen, I'm sorry that I was interested for a moment and it didn't entertain you. Katie, I was just giving you an idea of where I come from. These towns sound fake. Yeah. They don't sound real. like Glendale Altadena well I'm sorry Katie again that's our feud so you and I could be related I have a sister Kate and she has a similar color hair as you so we could be related could be I've got some Irish so it's possible yeah well it's good just to have some not too much not too much yeah I agree that'd be weird Katie tell me a little bit about yourself what do you do Sure. For a living? Well, actually, if you don't mind, before I tell you about what I do for a living, I wanted to share something kind of cool.

2:12Sona, we have the exact same birthday. Like same year, same date, every October 13th. Okay, well now I'm bored. October 13th, 1982? 1982. I mean, okay, slight difference. I was born in a hospital. You came on some type of wicker basket. Okay, sorry. Yay! And I'm like, Katie! Katie! I liked you, Katie, and then you asked me. Katie, to be honest, to be honest, and we've looked, there were no records taken where Sona was born. That's because maybe you two were separated at birth. Very similar. Hold on, Sona, I am so sorry I made that joke. I actually hate myself for making that joke. Don't, don't.

2:53Conan, you're a real dick when you make a joke like that. Yes. That's a real bad joke. Thank you. I couldn't help myself. Couldn't help myself, so go. I love when fans call in and tell me I'm a real dick. That's always a highlight. I do too. Yeah. Me too. Now listen. Oh, I liked it. Sorry about that. No, that's awesome. Tell me a little bit about yourself. That's cool though, that you have the exact same - Yes, so actually. You're a doppelganger for Sona, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, so I am married, I've got two awesome kids. Probably the most interesting thing I have going for me is I'm a social worker in a kidney transplant program.

3:29So I work with people who need kidney transplants And then I work with people who want to be living donors. So people who want to donate an organ to somebody. So kind of a cool, amazing world I get to work in. That's fascinating. So obviously kidney donor, you can donate a kidney because you have two, right? Correct. So it's not like I can walk in and say, I want to be a heart donor, but then I want to leave the hospital. That's not going to happen. Not going to happen. But I mean, there are other things that we have two of, anything we have two of, we can donate one. Okay. A lung? I think you could.

4:02I mean, no, I don't think it would be a good idea. That's pretty radical. Personalities? I think they do pieces of lungs. Oh, yeah. I'm selfless. I'd give a whole lung. You would? No, of course not. I don't think so. Well, that's actually a very cool thing you do. So you need to match people, right? So that they don't reject the organ. Is that true? Well, it's amazing. They have made so much progress in terms of, you have to match ultimately to have one organ and go into somebody else. It has to be compatible is kind of the term that we use. But there's so many ways to do it. Like you can swap, you can just, there's people who don't have an intended person in mind.

4:42They just want to be a donor and they can still make that happen. So yeah, there's, it's the possibilities on the different ways. That is an incredible person that comes in and says, I understand it, you know, if a friend or a loved one or someone you know really needs a kidney, but to come in and say, I just want to offer up one of my kidneys because someone will be able to use it is incredible. It really is, yeah. Yeah, and we see it fairly often. People come forward and they, it changes them. Like you can just see how much it means to them to help somebody. So it's really cool. I'm afraid I'm kind of a hoarder.

5:15I'm looking for a third kidney. Oh no. I want us to keep on the side. I want many extra kidneys put in me. Just to, because it's one of those things where it's like, I can't throw these out and I want to in fact get more. The way my brother Neil collects toaster ovens. It's the same thing. Yeah. So you do that and people come in and they... Now, how do you work with other people that do this as well, right? Yeah. So we're a whole team. So everybody's kind of got their specialty. Obviously, the medical's kind of the big part. But as the social worker, my job, I'm really focused in on, you know, how are they going to cope with this?

5:50Do they have the right resources? Do they have the right support? Like, how are they going to do handling either being a living donor going through that process or getting a kidney transplant. So I get to know the people. Because sometimes people have seller's remorse. Do you have people that give a kidney and then they come back a couple of months later and they say, you know, I'd like that back. Is that, or is there paperwork that protects you from such an event? There is paperwork, absolutely. Consents must be signed. It's something we spend a lot of time educating, really trying to make sure somebody is aware that what you're getting into, do what you could feel afterwards.

6:29Thankfully, I've never had somebody come back and say, I regret it. Good. Certainly there's things that are challenging about it, but no, I've never had that happen. I tried to start a kidney loaning program. Oh no, you can't do that. I'll just loan the kidney, and then maybe I, you know, but I want it back after a month. Were you charging? Yeah. Yes, I was charging. I wanted to really have it be a money-making scheme. As you can tell, Katie, I don't have a good heart. I have a dark, dark heart. Use a new heart. Yeah, I've figured out that. What does a black market kidney go for? Ooh, are you asking me or Conan?

6:58Me, I have no idea. Oh, because I have the answer. You do? Oh, yeah, let us know. No, I don't have the answer. It's a terrible question. Now, do you work with, you work exclusively in kidney donation. Do you work with, do you work alongside people or with groups that handle other kinds of donations, organ donations? We donate our center. So every center is a little different. There are liver donor centers and there's organ transplants, you know, heart, lung, liver, we're kind of a smaller program. So we just focus on the kidneys here. What about this whole budding science of this concept of growing organs?

7:34You know, that we're gonna have the ability soon to grow organs that we could then, I almost said sell, which I shouldn't have said. Again, I'm sorry. I work with people that monetize everything. Oh, it's your fault. Should we have Conan O 'Brien needs a friend, merch organs is what you're saying. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Wow, yeah. You can get a kidney that says Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on it for$9.99. Do people walk in saying, I want to donate my liver, and you're like, get the fuck out of here. That's next door? What do you mean? I know, like they come in confused, thinking they're gonna donate the wrong kidney.

8:12Yeah, but wait a minute. Why would she say, get the fuck out of here? Why wouldn't Katie, who seems very nice, just say, oh, I'm sorry, this is a misunderstanding. We do kidneys. Right. They're down the street. They're on Tremont Street. Why would she say, get the fuck out of here? They're competitors. Don't. Yeah. Katie, how do you like your soulmate over here? Excuse me, I thought I'd donate a, get the fuck out of here! What do you think this is? We do kidneys and kidneys alone! Don't let the door hit you in the ass! You don't know. Yeah.

9:03Katie, can I compliment you on the lovely art behind you of Conan O 'Brien doing the iconic string dance? What is that made of? It looks like it's made of tiles. It's Lego? No. Well, kind of. It's made of Lego bricks. Oh, cool. Yes. Yes. So my husband actually works for Lego. So we are crazy Lego. He works for the Lego group. Wait a minute. Your job is great and all, but the real humanitarian is the man working for Lego. Yes. You don't need to feed his ego on this. He actually is hilarious. He always talks about what a hard day he had. And I'm like, oh really? Was it so tough working with your Lego bricks?

9:42Yeah. You're actually saving lives. And he's building a fake oil derrick. or whatever, a merry-go-round. I mean, I'm sorry. It's true. But it's very cool, the thing behind him. I think that looks great. It's you doing the string dance. Yeah, so I know exactly what it is. It's you doing the string dance. It's a huge waste of a lot of Lego bricks. Hey, no, this is the best because despite me using some not-so-nice language at the beginning, I love you, Conan. And so this is actually supposed to be Marilyn Monroe. So the set was supposed to be Marilyn Monroe's face, like the Andy Warhol, really brightly colored.

10:15And I mean, she's great, but I was kind of like, eh, I don't know if I want that. So I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to make Conan. So I - You made that? So that's not - Yes. That's - Wow. That's my, I like laid every one of those little studs and you doing the string dance, touching your nipple, saying, keep cool, my babies, or some version of that. That's like equally iconic to Marilyn Monroe singing happy birthday, Mr. President in my mind. Oh, trust me. This is perfect. Not just in your mind, but I think worldwide. No, I think that's really cool looking. I mean, that's what our merch department should be selling right there.

10:50Not a chill chums, cock cozy. I mean, it's just ridiculous, the stuff they sell. Cock cozy? No, please, like you don't know. Like you haven't bought tack. You basically take a beer cozy and you, anyway, I don't want to tell you. It's something that everyone's doing. All the kids are doing it. I haven't seen this on the website. Where do you gotta go to get this thing? Cock cozy.org. You can get your organ and a cock cozy all in the same cart on your merch. I had a major argument yesterday, earlier today with our merch team because they showed me some chill chums blanket that's made of a highly flammable material that looks very uncomfortable.

11:27And he said, just stop making this stuff. Stop it, just stop it. Look what's behind Katie right there. That, that's beautiful. Well, you gotta have a collaboration with Lego to do that. Yeah, I'll take care of that. Hey, maybe your husband could help me collaborate with Lego because a Lego Conan podcast or the classic late night set from the early nineties. These are things that would sell tens of copies. What does he do for Lego? I would be one of the 10. So the joke that is that I don't know what his actual title is. And I, people ask me this all the time. He's like a businessy number guy. He does sales.

12:05He pictured the right, the right. No, no, no. But it's not like that. But he's not putting the bricks together. No, he's not. But they, at all of their meetings, they have like sets in the middle of their table so they can build and they're very cool. It's a wonderful company. I thought you said sex. Did you hear that too? I did too. Because you're calling in, you said, in all their meetings they have sex in the middle of their tables. And I thought, wow, Lego. Lego's the place to work. Yeah, that's cool. They're European, right? They do those kind of things there. They're European, they're from Denmark, right?

12:39Yeah, it's Denmark. It's all about things fitting into other things. Come on, now! I'm sorry, but that's the whole, Lego's a very perverted toy. Click. Well, there you go. It's very erotic. Yeah. They call that click, clutch power. That's the term. Lego has good clutch power. I don't know how you make that sexual, but yeah. What is clutch power? I don't know what that is. It's like the click, the click. That's the click. Yeah, yeah. I love it when it just clicks and it just. Yeah, that's good. It just latches in. You take it apart and do it again. You take it apart and do it again. Well, now you're making it pornographic.

13:15I thought that's what we were doing. No, that's what you were doing, you freak. Everyone born on your year, your date is a freak. I'm sorry. Oh, Katie, I forgot. I forgot, Katie. Katie, do you have a question for Conan? I do. So it kind of goes back to the kidney transplant living donor thing. I'd like to really think before I donate because I'm saving mine. I was saving it for, you know, I might want to have it be part of some weird ritual at some point, but we'll see. Yeah. Well, and I don't know that you'd make the cut anyway, so, but that's not my question. Whoa! Hey Katie, quickly, how does one make the cut?

13:52Because I am fairly healthy, but I might be too old. Right, but remember, well no, age would be fine. Remember I mentioned though, psychosocially stable, good mental health. We try and stay away from like egomaniacs, self-deprecating, people who maybe struggle with boundaries or secondary gain, those kind of things, you know? No, just kidding. How about people that mutter and go, mm. That's red flag number one. Do you really think, is it possible that, because that brings up a good point, there's a school of thought I've heard, and I don't know if it's just a wife's tale, that if you take an organ from one person who has certain traits and put it into another person, And that person can maybe pick up some of those traits.

14:36Now that doesn't logically make sense because I don't understand how that would affect neural pathways, but do you ever think it's true? Yeah, so this is perfect. That was exactly what my question is. This is a phenomenon that we see all the time. So quick story, we had a patient who received a living donor kidney from an anonymous person. So he had no idea who it was. And one day we're meeting a couple of weeks after his transplant and he said, every time I go to the bathroom, I feel like I want to sit down to pee. and he's like I just really think my kidney came from a woman and I was like you're crazy sure enough his kidney came from a woman and that's that's kind of a more dramatic example but we hear things like people talk about their taste in food changing they talk about just what they liked and I don't know what I believe but I hear it all the time so my question is if you were to ever be a donor what what Conan thing might end up getting passed on to somebody that received your kidney Oh.

15:30Wow. Well, I hope it will be one of my positive qualities. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Why don't you guys just start listing all my positive qualities? Yeah, what do you guys think? You just looked at a watch that you're not wearing. Yeah, I gotta go get a watch. See you later. I keep looking at nothing going, I gotta get a watch. Well, I don't know what qualities would be passed on. You keep looking at us, it isn't gonna happen. Okay, I think that, that let's say I donated a kidney and I didn't know who it was going to, but it went to this bald man. I think he would be phantom combing up a giant pompadour all the time that wasn't even there.

16:10And he'd have a comb in his back pocket and he'd be doing all the motions and people would be saying, what are you doing? And he'd say, I don't know, but I feel like I just have to pile this invisible something on top of my head like a pastry. Yeah. I think that's what would happen. Yeah. Because it's such a fundamental part of who I am, I think. Yeah. I think that's what gets transferred is the essence of the person, right? So yeah, that makes sense. Right. I'm very intrigued by this whole organ donor process. I am an organ donor. It says that on my driver's license. That's important to know.

16:39There's other ways. If there's people out there that are interested in being donors and you don't want to think about a living donor thing, you can put it on your license. That makes a huge difference. People's lives are changed every day. So someday, theoretically, someone could end up with your kidney. Yeah. Yeah. Or worse. Or worse, yeah. His penis. I mean, or. It's an organ, right? My penis is, I say the plus side of my penis is it's hardly used. It's like a floor model. It's literally like a car that has maybe nine miles on it. A certified pre-owned. People are like, is this, wait, was this warehoused?

17:22Did you warehouse this in 1963 in mothballs? It's perfect. It sings Jerry. Yeah. When I was single, I'd hear that from women all the time. Oh my God. Wow. It's still got that new dick smell. Oh God. Hello everybody. Oh God. Tip your waitress. Oh. Tip your, oh. Where's my, I gotta get a watch. Sax doesn't like it. Sax is saying no, no, no. Thumbs down. Uh oh, this is bad. Oh God, why? Oh no. Why couldn't I have said car smell? Well, I did what I had to do. Katie. Oh my God. Katie is gonna, the minute this call is over, she's gonna start dismantling the Conan Lego behind her. Turning it into a Weird Al Yankovic.

18:05Anyone but Conan. Katie, all crazy, stupid, horrible joking aside, I think what you do is very cool. And you really are saving people's lives and helping them. And I think, although we are really fascinated by your husband's work for Lego, we think you are the superior of the two beings. Thank you. I'm going to let him know that. But yeah, his work is definitely cooler. It's pretty awesome. I don't know. I think it's the best. Sounds like he's a remarkable keeper. Anyway, Katie, thank you so much and take care. Thank you. All right. Bye. Bye. Conan O 'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

18:43Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick D 'Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering by Eduardo Perez Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts And you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan?

19:20Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

19:40This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.

19:50Thank you.