Spatchcocking

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started hi florenza welcome to conan o 'brien needs a fan hi hey florencia how are you i'm doing great so happy to be here well it's nice to meet you and i think you're uh where are you right now in the world i'm in mar del plata it's a city beach city south of buenos aires ah so you're in argentina argentina yeah that's of course okay all right well i'm sorry i guess I'm a fool, but I needed to identify. No, no, no. Yeah. So you're in Argentina. Hi, congrats on the World Cup. Yeah, that's exciting.

0:51That's exciting. Have you bumped into Messi since the World Cup? Have you seen him around? I wish. I wish. I wish. No, no. He's really guarded inside, you know, because everybody wants a bit of him. Trust me, Florencia, I know what it's like. Everybody wants a piece of me. You're very different. The way Messi is in Argentina, that's what it's like for me here in the United States. Everybody, kind of a natural hero. That's not true. Anyway. Very, very different. Very different. So many people. We can edit those comments out. Sure. Aren't on board. So Florencia, tell us about yourself. What do you do?

1:28Well, nowadays I'm a yoga guide. I guide people into yoga. Oh. And I don't like to say I teach because it's pretentious, because I guide them, I help them. And that's my actual job. And before I was a lawyer for almost 30 years. Oh, did you like being a lawyer? No.

1:56No. That was the best no I've heard in my lifetime. You didn't like being a lawyer. Why did you do it? No. because I was young and I was the eldest daughter and I want to impress everybody and I was a really good student and I went to university and I got good grades and I got, you know You were a victim of your success you felt this is the next step I must I must now be a lawyer and you stuck with it for a long time, 30 years Yeah, but a lot of crying in the bathrooms, you know No, that's too bad. There's a lot of that here. Yeah. Basically, that's every career. I've often, when I was doing the talk show, I would often say, we'll take a break.

2:44We'll be right back. And I would just go and cry in the bathroom and then come back and continue my conversation with Tom Arnold. The money was good. You know, that's tempting. That's your, you know, the fast game. The money keeps you. Money keeps you going. Yep. And I know this is off topic, but I love your glasses. I wish I could put those glasses on right now. Those are fantastic. They're very unique. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. I like my glasses. You have good style. And look at your arms. You have great, looks like you have some tattoos on your arm. If we did this, you'd get on us about talking about visual things on the podcast.

3:26Yeah, that's true. I'm sorry. You're not even describing it. She's got these beautiful black modern glasses. Sona, I'm, you know, I have my flaws, but one of them is not that I don't own up my mistakes. Oh, Jesus. Boy, I think there were nine negatives in that sentence. Even you couldn't get through that. What a Gordian knot. Florencia is wearing gorgeous geometric matte black glasses that look like two 1950s televisions. that are perched on her lovely face. And then she's got these very cool tattoos. And I think you're rocking it. I think you've got incredible style. Yeah. Thank you. And I'm excited to know you.

4:17You quit law because you hated it. You were crying in the bathroom. You got out of there and you become a yoga instructor. I'm intrigued by yoga, but I don't know if I'd be any good at it. Could you help me? yes definitely i could because you know i think what yoga uh has is this aura of this is uh you know sanctimonious rules and you know you have to wear white and you have to be calm and in the yoga i make i learn in in the united states it's very accidental we play rock and pop music and we don't call Sanskrit names the poses. So it's kind of, yeah, it's fun. Could I wear a business suit while I do my yoga?

5:06Oh boy. Would that be okay with you if I wore, I mean, a full-on Brooks Brothers suit and tie and black shoes? Yeah, maybe we have a Harry Styles accident. Maybe you open your crotch during some extension or something like that. I think people get excited when Harry Styles crotch accidentally opens. And, um, when I, uh, yeah, when I, when that happens to me, people act like there's been a, you know, a hazardous waste spill and they cordon off the area. That happened to you once and I got a civic alert on my phone. Yeah. It's not good. No, I'd like to learn more about yoga. Do you think, uh, I have a good body for yoga from what you've seen?

5:48Are you familiar with just the podcast or have you seen any of my television? No, I'm, I, I'm a fan of yours since end of the 90s. Oh, wow. Okay. Well, I started in the early 90s. Oh, come on. I guess there was a couple of years there when you went into it. You lives in Argentina. Okay. So how did you come to know the show? I traveled to the U.S. and I watched the show and I really liked how silly you were and how silly everybody was and everything. So after that, I obtained the episodes. What? What does that mean? What does that mean? Yeah. You know. No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me? Well, it doesn't play here in Argentina.

6:33So I went to the interwebs and obtained the episodes. You pirated my TV show. We got you. This is a steam operation. We got you. We got you now. That's the only reason I'm talking to you is we got a red alert. Yep. Coming from a province in Argentina that someone was watching the old show. Oh, so you would, you pirated the TV show, but I don't care. I'm glad you were just watching. And as long as you pay me what you owe me, we're good. Yeah. You have to look at it like this. I love the show and you enough to commit a felony. Yes. And she was a lawyer. Yeah. You could have gotten disbarred. Right.

7:19In fact, I think you subconsciously wanted to get disbarred. It sounds like it. So you could start your yoga career. Wow. Well, I'm very happy that you watched those old shows and that they brought you some joy. That's why we did them. So I'm glad that you like those. And I also went to see you in person once in Burbank. Oh. And how was it? And it was amazing. Christoph Waltz was the guest. Oh, I love Christoph Waltz. Yeah, he's terrific. Yeah. He's so, he had recently won an Oscar, so it was a big night and I was happy to meet, to know everybody. I think Sona gave me the tickets, something like that.

8:08Oh, wow. I think. Incredible. So you even got to know Sona. Did you enjoy, when I walked out and you saw me in person, you'd only seen me on TV before, but when you saw me in person, What did you think? He's so tall. Yes. What did you want her to say? Yeah, what did you want? I wanted you to say that there was a light coming from his face that felt like Christ had come back to earth. Oh. So you noticed that I was tall. Yeah, yeah. That's very impressive to me. I'm tall too. So that's really impressive to me. If you were short, that would have been something like, oh my God, he's a key chain. Yeah.

8:50I'm going to tell you something. A lot of comedians in my business are very short. I'm the tall one. So just keep that in mind. Why should she keep that in mind? I just don't like anybody else. Just stay focused on Conan. He's the tall one. What? You want her to just remember you're tall so she can continue liking you? Everything you just said makes perfect sense to me. Oh, man.

9:19If I came to visit you, Florencia, what's the name of your city again, your town? Mar del Plata. Okay, I can't. That means Sea of Silver. Mar del Plata. Yeah. If I came to Mar del Plata, Argentina, what would we do? How would you entertain me? you're in california so i guess my city wouldn't be so so amazing to you because our beaches are pretty much like the beaches in california i wouldn't know i've never been to the beach in california i've yeah i've seen postcards but i refuse to leave my house most of the time i'm scared of the sun well so i would take you to the beach with an umbrella taking care of your skin because here the sun is really killer as it's a killer yeah because we are closer to the hole in the I don't know what.

10:09And then I would... Well, you've done your homework.

10:16And then what would we do? I would take you to see the whales in Patagonia. Oh, wow. And so you definitely have to see the glaciers. Oh, the glaciers. I hope they're still there. I mean, everyone's talking about global warming. You gotta pick it up because they're melting, definitely. they're melting oh so for fun we're going to go look at a melting glacier yeah no but yeah really i i was telling i was telling the other guy who the clueless gamer the other yes yes yeah that when i before i went to see the glacier i i was so dismissive oh that's a piece of ice i don't know well a glacier but it's really amazing it's really amazing something out of this world.

11:05I would like to see that. I would like to see that glacier. And yeah, I think I'd have a better attitude about going to see the glacier than you had when you went to see the glacier. Yeah. Oh, it's a piece of ice, whatever. You know, you're probably hard to please when you travel, you know? Okay, we're going to see some lions and tigers, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, definitely, definitely. But, you know, sometimes you have this prescientizing that you say oh i know i don't care but it really it was really surprising yeah and i would definitely take you to the wines region here in argentina we have amazing wine and the wine is really out of this world you have to drink argentinian wine to know i will i will have argentinian wine what about the steak let's talk about the steak yeah yeah here we it's not only the steak, but you know, you can see that like half a cow, they open the cow in the middle like this.

12:05What? And they put them on a steak close to the fire and they roast the whole cow together. You're basically saying they break a cow in half and roast the whole thing so that you can see the insides cooking. Yeah, maybe the insides, they put it on the side. What? This is like a black dahlia. the shape of the cow. No, I was thinking the same thing. This very much sounds like Silence of the Lambs, you know, that it sounds like the cow is ritualistically butchered and murdered and then split in half. That sounds kind of ghoulish. Yeah, it's not for the weak of heart because you can definitely see the shape of the cow, like stay there close to the fire.

12:55It can take like 12 hours to fully roast the cow. But they say it's amazing. I don't eat meat, but yeah, they say it's really something. I think I know why you don't eat meat. I think you don't eat meat because when you were little, they kept breaking cows in half right in front of you and roasting them for 12 hours. All that, those innards sizzling and dripping out. It's, yeah, I'd be a vegetarian. No, I like it. I'm in. It's like spatchcocking a chicken. What'd you say to me? Yeah, what'd you say to him? It's like spatchcocking a chicken. You just split it open. Oh, geez. What's spatchcocking?

13:37Spatchcocking. I actually have heard of spatchcocking. You have never heard of spatchcocking a chicken? Yeah. Okay, I have. Don't get mad at me. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I apologize, Flincia. Here you are talking to us from so many thousands of miles away, and we're getting into ways to prepare a chicken slash a sexual maneuver that was popular in the late 70s. Wait, what do you think spatchcocking is? Trust me, I did some spatchcocking back in the day.

14:09Florencia, I think we'd have a good time. I'm gonna have some steak. Sona, settle down. I'm gonna have some... I still got some of the equipment. Oh, come on. Oh, God. Florencia, I'm losing you quickly. Oh, please. Ah, she covered her ears. Remember how tall I am. I'm losing you with my comedic foolishness, but then I reel you back in with my sheer height. How tall are you, Florencia? Five, eight. That's pretty tall. Can you teach Conan yoga if he ever comes to visit? Because I would love to see Conan try to do yoga. Yeah, definitely. I would really, I love to teach people who think they're not good or they are not flexible.

14:55Well, wait a minute. Why would you assume that I wouldn't be flexible? Because you always say that, that you are like too tall and too, you know, your legs are too long. I love when you describe me and you flail around. It's like you do a double dutch jump rope.

15:17well your assumption may be correct I may be rather inflexible but I think with your help with your new approach to yoga I agree with you I don't like all that let's light a candle let's listen to some calming music I don't like it when they fold their hands over my head and say a prayer you know if I wanted that I'd go to the Catholic church no I want your dog is walking out on us he's tall he's tall come back your dog has had enough of my bullshit and just got up in the background and walked away but I agree with you I think your new approach sounds very good I'd like to try it thank you I would really love to visit you again in California and see you guys in person even though I'm really happy to have this machinery to meet all the gang I listen to the podcast all the time and it really helped me through the pandemic.

16:15Oh, good. Good. I'm so glad. We love doing it. And my favorite thing is when people say that they're listening and they feel a connection because that makes us feel really good. And that's how I think the hour long format is really is really amazing, because even if I like the shorter interviews, having time to talk to a person is really, really instructive. And I got to know so many great people. And I also love your wife's podcast. Oh, great. Oh, wow. She's, I mean, she's my better half in every way. My wife is so, she works really hard. She's such a good writer and she's got a much better broadcasting voice than I do.

17:02and just take it easy, Sona. Significant Others. Yeah, Significant Others is her podcast. Available on all podcast platforms. Yep, amazing. And she is. Amazing idea and amazing execution is great. Well, I'm going to tell her that and I'm going to play her this actually because I want her to hear it. I'm very proud of her. I married up, as they say, above my station. As usual. Take it easy. Hey, Florencia, what do you mean you sure did? Yeah. Oh, God. All right. It was really nice talking to you. And I do hope our paths cross. I'd love you to help me become more flexible. And I'd love to eat a cow that's been brutally split in two and then roasted in the market square.

17:50I would like to guide you to both tasks. Yes.

17:58Thank you very much, Florencia. Have a wonderful day. Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye, guys. Bye-bye. Bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Soloteroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer, Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

18:48This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.