Staff Review With Laurie Kilmartin

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1:17Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Okay, in the past, this slot has usually been a time when I would talk to fans around the world. But today is a little different. I'm going to talk to someone who's definitely not a fan of mine. No, we've been doing this lately, and I'm really enjoying it. Oscars are coming up soon. As we tape this, I think it's about three weeks away. And we've been working very hard. I'm working with an incredible team of writers, many of them I've worked with for a long time. And I've been having them come upstairs and chat with me a little bit.

2:02And it's been really fun. And that continues today with Laurie Kilmartin. Laurie, thank you for coming on out. Oh, I hope it continues today. Yes, yes. That's it. You're out. No, Laurie. He was right. It was fun. Get back down there. Laurie, you are an incredible stand-up comedian, and you've worked with me for a long time. Thank you. And always done an incredible job, and worked with me on the Oscars last year. And Laurie has a very special role, which is, Laurie, because she's a great stand-up, she's the one that has become my life coach. when I go out into the world and try Oscar jokes out.

2:51So Lori's the one that says, we're going to get you out there now, Conan. And I say, all right, okay. And you're very verbally abusive. And then you've been picking all these amazing spots. Some of them I've been to before, some of them I haven't. And it's really fun. But you are so dialed into these places. And then you watch me do my set and you have great instincts about which ones work, which ones may need a tweak, which ones should probably go by their wayside. But let's go back to the beginning, which is you come to my attention. How did that happen? I'm trying to remember. Well, I started on the TBS show.

3:33So I think that was my third packet. I think I'd done a packet for The Tonight Show and Late Night, too. So the third one worked, I guess. Yeah. Well, the Tonight Show, there wasn't a lot of time there. Yeah, I don't know if he got around to reading it. Yeah, I was starting to open the envelope when that thing blew up. But, and subsequently, when you first came to work for me, I had not seen your stand-up. And then we toured together. Oh, yeah. And I got to see your stand-up every night, which is phenomenal. Just phenomenal. Oh, thanks. I don't know. Like, I look back, I'm like, oh, that bit was still, I was still working on it.

4:11I got sharper and, uh, but I'm glad you, that is because you have that kind of mind. You're never going to say, Oh yeah, thanks. You're going to say, Oh, this was a little, uh, but, um, I'm telling you it was phenomenal. And, uh, and you have such a good eye and ear that you've been, uh, just a great help to me in terms of, um, what stuff works, how to tweak a joke when something isn't hitting the ear quite right. and that's really helpful. And I'm just curious, when did you decide, okay, I'm going to be a standup? Like this is, because that's a leap that everyone comes to differently. How did it happen for you?

4:54Well, I had sort of, I dropped out of college and I had kind of a breakdown due to various things all colliding at once in my head. You were a very good athlete. I was okay. I was a swimmer. I swam for UCLA, but I was like, it was, they were in a rebuilding phase. Like I would never make the team now. They were like low level division one when I was there. And, uh, and so, uh, so yeah. And then I had quit swimming and whatever. So you go through this period of your life where things are rough. Exactly. And then I started to, I don't know, I went and saw some standup and I'm not the only one who's come to stand up this way where you see some great standup and you're like, Oh, I could never do that.

5:37That's amazing. And then you see someone who's not good and they're, they're on the bill and you're like, wait a minute, that person's a comic. They're the true inspirations. No one ever says that. The true inspirations are people like, how did that ass get up there? Exactly. Exactly. So, I saw a bunch of that. And so I started in San Francisco because I'm from the Bay area. So that's right. And San Francisco is such a great place. It's great. Yeah. Stand up. Yeah. Yeah. it's weird. There's this guy named, um, Oh my God, his name was, I forget his last name. He was a, a former porn star who, um, and native American.

6:14And it was like one of like 11 or 16 children, some crazy backstory. Uh, but he was the bartender at the Holy city zoo and he knew Robin Williams and he was around when Robin had started to. And so he was sort of, um, the mother bird of all of us newer comics and giving us stage timing tips and stuff like that. And like, even though I know I never had a bad situation with him, even though his backstory sounds troublesome. Yeah. But he can't do. Yeah. And he saw he saw something in you. He's like, OK, he was encouraging. Yeah, he was encouraging, but he's also running a class. So anytime someone's paying, they're always encouraging.

6:53But they're encouraging, but also they don't think you're ready just yet. one more session. I ran the same thing in improv. Same thing in improv. You're very good. I think a little more work. Really? How many levels does this school have? Yeah. There's 11 more levels. You said this was the last one. I forgot about the other 11. So just make that check out too. So you're doing that and had you worked on television shows before? Had you written for other comics? Because that's a very different thing. You write for yourself and then writing for someone else's voice. Yeah, it is a big it is a big thing.

7:34And it's weird because you can definitely separate those two voices. There's never been a joke I've written for you or anybody else that I would have done myself. So people always think that, you know, it must be so hard to give up that joke. It's like, no, no, it didn't would not work in my act about me complaining about being a mother. You know, it's really funny. Yeah, many times I've seen you do. Conan's like, I'm not a single mom. Why does she keep giving me this stuff? I tried it last night. It kills. Yeah, it's fascinating to me because that's another fun thing I get to do. If I see you or Brian Kiley tell a really funny joke, I get to say, oh, too funny for me, huh?

8:19Like, why didn't you give me that? You'd be like, you idiot. You never breastfed. Oh, you're right. Kylie did though, so he deserves to tell it. Yeah, exactly. I breastfed Kylie. What the fuck? One tag too far. I always go too far. I don't do my late night show anymore. And I think it's a while ago, Jimmy Kimmel contacted me and he was asking me about this Laurie Kilmartin. And I said, you are an absolute fool if you do not hire Laura Kilmartin. I can't believe that conversation happened. She is the best. She is the best. But Jimmy was high at the time and forgot. And then I had to call him and tell him again.

9:07He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, OK. But so you've been killing it, not just for for me, but for Jimmy as well. And now we're once again working on the Oscars. and I'm curious, how do you think it's going so far? We're getting close. I think we're way ahead of where we were this time last year. I think we have a lot more jokes that are ready. We have a lot of jokes. We do and it's like, they could all change in the next three weeks too because we keep coming up with, yeah, it's, I don't know. We keep coming up with new ones and then we always allow for, last year I remembered, the actual show is a moving target.

9:46Yeah. You can't lock down what you're going to do a month out because in the world we live in now, things change day to day. And something that's a joke we might've thought was really funny in December is now like, what were we thinking? That's not even something people think about anymore. That's out of the news. No one cares about that. The big thing I have to fight is sometimes I just start to get tired of a joke because it's been with me for a while. And that's always been a little bit my issue when we when we toured together and I had a, I don't know, like a 40 minute standup hunk. Yeah. I remembered sometimes being, I don't want to say that again.

10:27I said that last night. Um, so I think that's one of the luxuries I've always had is just riffing foolishly about different things. And I get bored if I have to say the same thing over and over and over again. In fact, there's one joke you told last night. I'm like, Oh, you got to give that one a rest for a little bit because I think you are tired of it, you know? So, but I won't say it now, but yeah. Right. That's good. We should try them all out right now. Yeah, let's do it. And everyone's really, all the writers are really mad at me. You just, that thing went out. You just burned 80 jokes. You just burned 80 jokes.

11:03Yeah, that can happen where I just start to feel, it's almost like my brain becomes overly familiar with it. And it's no, when something's no longer magical and fun to me, I can't fake it. Well, yeah. Plus with you every night you've told different jokes. So you, you aren't used to going up and doing the same jokes and then finding like trying to take two months to find a tag or something like that, you know? So for you, it's, it's got to feel really, really repetitive. But also I love the joking around between the jokes. I know, I know, I know. Um, sometimes I'm getting off on some jag and people in a club are liking it.

11:37And I'm sure you guys are watching saying, we're trying to try out these jokes and you're going off on a 10 minutes about your brother, Neil. and you're getting laughs and so you're getting drunk off of it. Get to the jokes. But I do think that's what's so great about doing these little sets is you're clicking into your stage persona, which is different from podcast and bursting into the writer's room. I don't know that it's that different from bursting into the writer's room. Bursting into the writer's room is sort of more of my like MMA persona. Yeah, but it gets that very unique muscle going again.

12:13And because you can't like do 10 minutes about Neil at the Oscars. Oh, I'm going to. That would be amazing. I can just see Timothee Chalamet and Brad Pitt streaming out. People who are up for an Oscar leaving early. Okay, so we bought a lot of televisions. Just test me. Yeah. But you get it out of that part out of your system now, but you also get that muscle ready for when you're in the big show. And then you had some really funny riffs after the jokes last night that we all thought would work with the jokes. You did too. Oh, good.

12:52Well, Father's Day is coming up. Hint, hint. June 21st. We're not your children. What? My children are not getting me anything. So it's up to you guys to get me Father's Day. They have never bought into Father's Day, but you guys are going to. You're my employees and you have to. Well, guess what? Luckily, Macy's has a wide range of options, the expertise to help you find the perfect gift. Macy's is the answer for Father's Day. David, as my sort of surrogate son, the son that I hired to buy me things, I hope that you're prepared for this Father's Day, and I hope you've consulted Macy's. Oh, I sure I have done both of those things.

13:36First. Oh, there you go. You love a pun. We got you a shirt that says The Grillfather. I love that shirt because you know what? I love the Godfather movies and I love grilling and they've combined them with The Grillfather. And are you ready to combine it even more? Let's see the next gift. Ooh. A ninja indoor grill. Can I say something? That looks really good. It does. And then, you know, sometimes when you're grilling, you know, you might want to get rid of that scent, that smell. So we got you some Dior cologne. Oh, is that Sauvage? It's Sauvage. Oh my God. I love Sauvage, and I love that it does mask the scent of charred meat really well.

14:12Yeah. So happy Father's Day from us and Macy's. You know what? I want to say thank you. Those are cool gifts. I love it. Check out Macy's online gift guide for more ideas at macy's.com slash gift guide. Getting a good deal is kind of a big deal. Would you agree, Sona? Such a big deal. Yeah. So get this. Prime Day is coming June 23rd through the 26th with all the best deals you've been waiting for Prime Day delivers more than great prices. It delivers the big deal feeling. Upgrade that old mattress. Sona, your mattress here just is terrible. Get a new one. It's vintage. It's that good. Vintage milk and vintage mattresses aren't the way to go.

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15:02I was at the airport. I was waiting in one of those long lines and I kept saying, hey, let me through. I'm Conan O 'Brien. And they said, shut up. You'll wait in line. And I went, okay. That's so sad. It's a really good story. But I was hungry. I didn't have a snack with me. You got to keep, and I didn't want to lose my place in line and go try and find something. I know. That's when you got to have Nutri-Grain on you. You got to always have a snack in your bag and when it's a Nutri-Grain, it's perfect. It's perfect because it's the right size. It's handy. It's also nutritious. Yes. Okay. You can go anywhere.

15:34It's made with 10 grams of whole grains, 10 vitamins and minerals. These guys are obsessed with tens and no high fructose corn syrup. Nutri-Grain nourishes and it hits the spot with delicious flavors. They got strawberry, apple cinnamon, blueberry flavors. I just had a blueberry back in the snack area. Yeah. With a little bit of a glass of milk. You earned it. Nice job. Nice job. Find nutritious and always delicious Nutri-Grain bars at your favorite store or online retailer today and look for new Nutri-Green Crunchy Bars in stores near you. Oh, I'll get that crunchy, I will. So much I'm looking forward to this summer.

16:15Me too. You know what I'm talking about? First of all, July 4th is going to be the 250th anniversary of the United States of America. That's a big deal. And just as important, some pretty big soccer games headed our way. Sport. I don't want to get too specific, but let's say some pretty big soccer games are coming our way. On a global scale. On a global scale, that's all we'll say. So much to celebrate this summer, so you got to keep a classic with Miller Lite. Miller Lite has been a true American pilsner and the original Lite beer since 1975. Were you even alive, Madden Summer? No, I was not.

16:47Yeah, I think that's good because you couldn't handle the beginning of the Miller Lite era. No. It's too iconic. Okay. Here's my summer, okay? Yeah. Hang with my buddies. Yeah. Hey, this is a really good iconic soccer game that's happening. that unifies all the different nations of the world. What is it? I don't have time to tell you, but let's have some Miller Lite. Clean, finished, refreshing, easy to drink. And when it's hot outside, nothing feels better going down than an icy, cool Miller Lite. It's an all-American summer and it starts with all-American beer, Miller Lite. Go to millerlite.com slash Conan to find delivery options near you.

17:23Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company. in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

17:38I'm really loving it. I enjoy going to, as I said, some of the places I've been before, but there's this ecosystem in LA of all these cool little spots. Some are way out in Covina. Some are, I mean, really, I mean, who lives in Covina? Oh, hi, Eduardo. How are you? Shut up, shut up. No, no, it's fine. You know, I had my passport. I changed my currency. Oh, God. No, no, it's, no, it was, and that was one of my favorite clubs. It's fantastic. Chatterbox, yeah. And Chatterbox in Covina. It's really fun because you get to hang out with the comics outside. And it's this, it's very communal. It's really fun.

18:23I like all that young energy. People are really nice. and each club is very different. Yeah. And there are places that, I'm guessing you've played all these places. Yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. And so, and you do stand-up, you do stand-up a lot. I do, I do. I try to do it for, I'll say four nights a week. That's a lot. Yeah. But here in LA, it's like one spot a night. It's not great. Like in New York, you can do, when I go back to New York, I can do like at least six a night, you know, on a Friday or Saturday. And then, you know, one or two at least on a Monday through. Yeah, here it's covering the distances.

19:01It's literally, I mean, last night I was in, was it TGs? Yeah, TGs, yeah. TGs. I was at TGs in Atwater Village. And so that's a long haul to get to. Yeah, yeah. And, but once you're there, it's again, really fun. It was great. It was great. I mean, it was packed and it's great to have people so close to you, you know, just your surround sound of laughter. It's also fun to be a surprise. Yeah. Somehow the pressure is off. Yeah, for sure. They don't, you know, they're there and then suddenly I show up and you can always see them registering, you know, how I've aged when I first get up there. I don't think so.

19:48I don't think so. No, it's funny. No, it's just funny how people are like, if there are people that have only seen you on TV and some of them have been seeing me on TV since I was, you know. Right, or clips are coming up and stuff like that. Clips are coming up and they just saw me last night talking to, you know, Mary Lou Retton when I'm 30. Oh my God. You know what I mean? Yeah. But you're also a big presence. Like you're a big person and you're like stumbling, not stumbling. I don't stumble. I'm sorry, I know. As soon as I said it, I was like, you're not stumbling. Well, maybe I was stumped.

20:20Like a giant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, it's - Yeah, but it's been - This is going really well. It's been a good time. Now, what's really strange, this is all behind the scenes stuff, is we're sort of, we're here at the office. This is where we do the podcast. This is where we do the production and editing for the HBO Travel Show. We have all different kind of meetings here and different projects. It's like our little Keebler elf tree. And what's going to happen in two weeks is we're going to move into the Dolby Theater. And that's going to be, I remember that last year being, oh, wow, this is real.

20:57Yeah. We've been living here and imagining things and then you actually see the space. Yeah. And then we get into, you know, we ordered some kooky prop and it shows up. And I'm like, we wanted a stuffed mule. And we didn't. I'm just making this up. Stuffed mule would be great. Yeah. I want one now. Get a stuffed mule. I know. And then you're arguing with really serious, talented people about how the mule should be. Oh, my gosh. You pictured it differently. And how is it going to fire a rocket out of its ear? You know, all that kind of craziness. That's the part where things really level up. Yeah.

21:37Which is exciting. And I remember sitting at a rehearsal last year, and a lot of the celebrities had stand-ins, or, you know, they just use stand-ins. And a stand-in for Ariana Grande started singing. And I'm like, oh my God, she sounds just like Ariana Grande. And it was her. Which I didn't think. What? Yes, she was at rehearsal singing. It was like 25 of us in the audience. You thought it was a stand-in. Yes. Hey, she's not bad. Did you tell her? You know, maybe you should try. That's really funny if all of the A-list celebrities, because they do have actors often who look nothing like them.

22:13Yeah. And they all get up. They don't know who the winner is, but they'll say in the winter is Timmy Chalamet. And then a, you know, a black woman will get up on stage, but she'll give a real speech as Timothee Chalamet. And it's kind of cool. Yeah. And I channel that sometimes because I did that once. I did that once I think we talked about this but I did it years ago at like a VH1 award when I was working on Saturday Night Live and I heard hey they need seat filler stand-ins for this VH1 award so I you know sat in the audience we weren't working at the time I think I got like I don't know what I got like$100 or something but I went and I sat in the crowd and then they said and the winner is David Bowie and I got to stand up and thank everybody and I don't want to do that it was fun that sounds fun yeah Yeah.

23:07You're fired. Now you can go do it. So, yeah, that's going to, things are going to get real. What else do you remember from last year? Well, what I remember now, what we were all talking about in the Mono team is that we want to make sure we have big cork boards up and back where we are so we can keep track of jokes a little bit better. I think we were just like flipping through cards and trying to. It looked like we were doing an illicit three card money game last year. And you think, this is the Oscars. I know. And I'm performing for all these people around the world. And we're like, where's that joke?

23:38I don't know. And then it's attached to someone's ass. It has gum on it. Right. I mean, we'll have the mono set. But the stuff like, you know, that you'll say later in the show, if something wins or something gets on a streak, I guess we just want to have. If this, then that. It's almost like coding. Yes, yes. You know, if this movie wins, we have this great joke. Right, right, right. If that movie loses, we have this great joke. Yeah. I remember us just like going, wait, we had something and kind of panicking. and then thought of it at the last second. But it'll be nice to have that a little bit more organized.

24:08And I think we hadn't gotten backstage in our area until the show was starting in an hour. So we didn't realize, oh, that would have been nice to have had we thought that. So we'll be doing that better this year, I think. Yeah, it is fun, I have to say. It's a lot of work and it's nerve wracking, but it is fun. Oh my God. And then, you know, you just and then you're always thinking, I hope it's a good room. Last year, I was I mean, I think last year I was thinking, how's it going to be a good room? And they were good. Yeah. I mean, we had the fires, of course, you know, and then I feel like at this time last year, we were also awash in Sophia Carla Gascon drama.