Steven Wright

28:37and to go on twice in one week is so amazing. It was unprecedented at the time and seismic, and that was a time when if you went on that show, you were famous overnight. I mean, people recognized you the next day because that was all anybody was doing at 1130 at night, was watching Johnny Carson. Yeah, because it was three channels, and cable was just starting. It was like going through Alice in Wonderland, going through the door there. And Peter LaSalle, you know this. You saw me in the Ding Ho Chinese restaurant in Cambridge. She was the producer of The Tonight Show. And then two weeks later, I was on there.

29:20We were talking outside in the driveway. Do you remember when we were in the driveway? Yeah, it was about 15 minutes ago. I'm still capable of remembering things. But yes. There wasn't a judgment on you. It was just simply, I'm very accurate. I don't even know what I was saying. We were talking about, you were at the Ding Ho. Oh, flukes, flukes. Different accidents contribute. Accidents, little things that happen to change the course of your life. Contribute, contribute. You know, someone wrote an article about that Chinese restaurant and went in the LA Times. I don't know why. Then he saw it.

30:00But then eight months later, he was going in the summer to go to Massachusetts and New York because his kids were going to go to college. So they went on a college summer trip and he remembered the article. So he calls up and, you know, just a lot of flukes. Yeah. I'm very fortunate. It's clear that impressionism or abstract, I'll use the word abstract, abstraction is really important to you. and there must have been a time in your life when you were a kid or something where you saw abstract art or you read abstract writing and it rang a giant bell in your head. It wasn't the writing. It was Salvador Dali, come by, surrealism.

30:42When I had an art class, 11th grade in Burlington, Mass., we went into Boston to one of the main museums and that's where I first saw surrealism. I never even heard of surrealism. And two of the paintings I remember, There was a painting of a clothespin in the middle of the field, and it was the size of a silo. But it didn't look cartoonish. It didn't look ridiculous. It was like, oh, my God. And then there was another painting of a road coming down like this, and then when it went down like that, it turned into a waterfall. And I mean, I was 16. I'm telling you these paintings. I was jolted by the combining of these two realities.

31:21And a lot of the writing we were just talking about, The mosaic thing is like, oh, this is not a close pin. That jolted me more than what I read influencing. But your head is like a soup. Everyone's head is a soup. Don't you think it's the ingredients? Kurt Vonnegut, Surrealism, Monty Python, the comedians all over The Tonight Show and listening to albums. And it all goes into Woody Allen. To me, he's still the best. He's the top guy. his writing and all that goes into your head. I was a big Bruins fan during the Bobby Orr days. You had to be, by the way, because I was growing up. I was in grade school then.

32:06I was in second, third grade. And all anybody talked about back then was Bobby Orr. And Phil Esposito. And everybody, because Bobby Orr was the biggest thing in the world. And in Boston, we just couldn't believe that we had this phenomenal, phenomenal player who was changing the game. Yeah, it was incredible. That time was incredible. And I would listen to the games in my bed. I had a radio in the bed. And one night I was fooling with the dial and I stumbled on this show where a guy played two comedy albums every Sunday night. So I started tuning in. He played cut from one, cut from the other.

32:50and I'm laying in bed in the dark and I'm listening for like two years I'm doing this. And I didn't know it, but I was like going to school, comedy school, because I'd be thinking, oh, I like that guy. Oh, I don't like that. But anyway, it goes back to the soup. Don't you think all your head is like made up of all these different random and sometimes on purpose ingredients? Yeah, I think that works. I don't, you know, I prefer a stew. A stew? Yeah, it's a little heartier. I think yours is a very light broth. But mine - You're criticizing me during my analogy. It's enough, yeah. Exactly. Saying that yours is better.

33:33I want to win, I want to win. I want to win. Come on. It's a light, listen, I'm not putting down a light broth. I'm not putting down a light broth. No, no, it's a - I never thought I heard you say that. It's a consomme. No, your brain is a consomme and you taste it and you're like, this is great, I've been a little sick and this is really helping. Now I'm like, if you've been out in the woods, felling trees, you don't want the Stephen Wright consomme. You're a between meal palate cleanser, which, and again, no put down. No put down. But I'm in a big crock pot. Yes. And just huge chunks of really good sirloin and potato and there's some Guinness in there that really thickens the broth.

34:19You keep going nine more minutes on that. Yeah. Do we have time? Steve, why don't you go get a sandwich? Go get a sandwich. I come back. So there's carrots, there's peas, there's some yam, there's all kinds of thickeners in the broth, you know? God, it's thick. It's a really thick broth. You put the wooden spoon in there and it stands up on its own. And what if you put a spoon in my one? Oh, if you put it in yours, it just immediately flips over and falls on the ground. And you have to put it in fast because yours evaporates quickly. The longer he goes, the worse. Mine's nothing. Yours diminished and mine keeps getting better.

35:04As time goes on. No, I mean, critics around the world want to taste my - Critics around the world. And yours, they'd taste it if it would stick around long enough. It's just a vapor before they can get to it. Oh my God. But no, I agree with you. I agree with you. Oh, but I agree with you. There's all this.

35:22As long as we've established that mine's the better food, richer, more life-sustaining. Yes. Making, you know, that's the beauty of, I mean, imagine I feel very fortunate to have a career from making things up. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Do you ever feel like that? Oh, I feel that way 24 hours a day. I mean, earlier in my life, when I would think all of these strange things and I love to cartoon and draw. Oh, I didn't know that. I was not a, I couldn't draw. That's fine, answer your phone. No, I'm - Clearly I'm a priority. You would think I was shutting it off, but I wanna see what this, no, I shut it off.

36:05I love it if you took the call and it was a spam call. That's a spam call. I'm arguing with the guy. What's involved? Well, I don't know. I don't need blinds. hold on well wait a minute tell me more and i'm going on and on about the stew still um there's radishes no you're in you're sleeping you know but what i'm saying is i'm constantly uh any anyone who's in this business and and isn't uh realized that it is a complete crazy privilege to get to get any money or rent or mortgage payment in this world i think i mean And Sona, you have a really good perspective on it because you came at this from this crazy angle and now it's just, well, I got to go in and talk to Stephen Wright.

36:52I know. And it's, I can't believe it. Like I, I, I would pay to do this. I can't believe I get that. I'm glad you said that. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. No, you should pay. Okay. I forget I said it. Yeah, no. No, no, no, no. A thousand dollars a day. No, you're right. Oh, come on. You know, I'm curious. Like, I know I'm very grateful. I also think there's something about maybe I'd feel differently if I had grown up in Los Angeles or grown up around this. But it's very hard for me to explain to people how Massachusetts and especially the era that we grew up in, 60s, 70s, coming of age in that time, there was show business was further removed.

37:32Not just Massachusetts, but Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, that area. the last thing in the world you ever thought could happen was that you could be in show business. I saw no evidence that show business existed. I didn't see famous people. I didn't know anybody who was related. You know, my dad's a fake scientist at the bus station. Like you never thought that you would get any chance. And I think it's a different world now. People, people think about things differently and Boston looks so different now. I mean, Look at movies from the 60s and 70s that depict Boston. Look at The Verdict, Friends of Eddie Coyle.

38:11Look at these movies that show Boston in the 70s. It's so gray and it's so unappealing in so many ways and kind of depressed. So real. And so real and kind of gritty. Yeah, no slickness at all. And then I remembered leaving, coming to LA, getting involved in other stuff in my career and then coming back to Boston in the late 80s. and suddenly there's like panquotidians everywhere. And people were saying, would you like a crepe? And I was like, this is not the Boston I grew up in. You can go back and look at those movies. And I go like, that's the Boston I remember. Cars that are rusted out. Everyone's wearing a gray jacket.

38:51Policemen are all really heavy. Their belts are like around their nipples and they're directing traffic, but I don't think they've ever shot a gun in their life. Nobody's, you know, people aren't that nice. it's cold, the snow all turns sooty right away. Right away. Somehow that all changed. It's like a whole different vibe. Yeah. And I think that realness that you just described makes us appreciate, what do you mean you're going to go do this show and that's how you're going to pay the rent? What do you mean? Because all you see is people doing, that's real, like, you know, jobs. that's why i appreciate it all the time it's like a it's playing don't you think this is playing oh it's it's totally playing it's like being five or ten and you're finger painting but with words yeah oh imagine this oh imagine you know you're in the cafeteria saying to your friend oh oh oh right and then that's this becomes your career now what do you prefer obviously you're very comfortable on a stage you're great on a stage do you like being up in front of people or do you prefer the part where you're crafting it uh it's two different things writing the material and then performing the material i i the the right the performance is very intense to me even still now i mean i'm not nervous but it's like walking a tightrope the way i see it's like you were running across a lake of thin ice and you're trying to get to the other side without falling through during the length of the show.

40:25That's very intense. I would say that the writing is more of a, it's enjoyable. It has no intensity. You just minding your own business and then something happens. How do you feel about being in front of the audience? I can't imagine on television, night after night after night. How? How? It was so funny because there's one of the great comedy writers of all time, George Meyer, worked at the simpsons when i was there and he's you know legendary uh brilliant guy and he had worked on the early letterman show and i was being considered as possibly being one of the people who might replace letterman and my name is starting to show up in the trades and you know my i'm working at the simpsons my friends are like this is crazy this is insane and when i i know i don't think it's gonna happen but it's crazy and they're like man but but you're a funny guy this could be a funny show.

41:20I think you could do it. And they're all saying, no, no, I think you could do it. I remember George Meyer, I went out in the parking lot and George Meyer was walking with me. It's like, oh man, I wouldn't do it if I were you. And I said, really? And this didn't come from anything, but he was just being honest. And he went, I worked on one of those shows every day. Feed the dragon. Feed the dragon every day. And he was like, don't do it. It'll ruin your life and you know what he wasn't wrong but i'm also was the best thing i ever did and and what i found was this magical thing i realized very early on doing an hour a day i remember the worst thing about this job is that you have to do it every day for an hour the best thing about this job is that you get to do it every day for an hour because when you crank up the volume like that But over time, think, what the hell?

42:17What the fuck? Let's give it a shot. Masturbating bear? Let's give it a shot. You know, a dog puppet that insults people and says, you suck. I want to poop on you. Let's try it. I don't know how you did it. I don't know how you did it over and over and over and over. Well, as I said to somebody once, they said, Jesus, you know, 4 ,300 something shows. How did you do it? And I said, the trick is some of them aren't very good. It's just kind of true. Like, yeah, you look at some and you go, oh, I see how he did it. That wasn't so good, but we always tried. But enough about me, a little about you, and then more about me.

42:59Okay. So usually when I hear I'm going to talk to somebody and they've written a book, I get this feeling of apprehension, which is, I got to read the book. They booked you and I'm very excited. And then I hear Stephen wrote a novel. I'm immediately very intrigued. So I get sent this copy of Harold, which is this novel you wrote, and it's beautiful. It's really funny and touching. It's beautifully written. I think only you could write this and I love it. I really do. And it was such a nice thing for me to read the book and then know I get to go and drive in and talk to tell Stephen you got here a little early and I heard you were hanging out outside like a creep but I was so excited I want I had the book and I wanted to go down and tell you I need to tell you how much I like your book I really appreciate and it's funny because you mentioned Vonnegut and I'm like I can feel like there's a there's different strains like you say there's a soup but there's I can see like Joseph Heller and Vonnegut, there's a, but it's very sweet and also at times sad and there's such funny stuff in here.

44:13And it's all from the mind of an eight year old, seven or eight. Seven. Yeah, I didn't read it that thoroughly.

44:25I just skimmed to get his age. I'm very good at it. I'm pretty, you know, that's the one thing I will read is the age. No, but I was, I think eight would have been the better choice, but that's my stew brain versus your consomme brain. I didn't know my broth brain. But you know, first of all, one of the first things that struck me because I'm so obsessed with myself is I read this thing at the front by the editor of the book from Simon & Schuster, who's clearly a big deal editor. And he's talking about how he stumbled upon you doing a set on my show, an interview on my show. Oh, yes. And he talks about how this is why it all comes together.

45:11He talks about how he's always been a fan of yours. and then he said uh he says here at the top of the book starting to think about you know what could i do with steven wright and then he said i had only started my job i guess it's simon and schuster and i was spending a lot of time searching the internet trying to come up with book ideas i can't remember what weird youtube algorithm led me to it but i came across a clip of steven wright on conan o 'brien's late night show back in 2013 when he talked about writing a novel on twitter posting one sentence at a time how long is the novel by now conan asked 1500 pages, Wright said.

45:451500 pages, Conan said. And then you say, if there's one word on each page. And then I guess he thought, I got to check this out. So he went on Twitter and you really were doing that. And then he starts talking to you and you guys form a friendship and you do this book. So I was just thrilled that. That's amazing. The connection. Yeah. Yeah. Tremendous. Yeah. You would also think there might be a financial sharing in here, but we'll talk about that later. You'll hear. No, I love that. I love that. But I love the serendipity of you do this joke. This guy sees that. Then you start talking. Then this book comes along.

46:28And this book is really special because it's a boy and he's growing up in, you say, the mid 60s. He's in a classroom and he's daydreaming and thinking. you know, throughout the class. And his mind is taking him all around the universe. He talks about hanging out with his grandfather and in there are great, I don't want to call them jokes, but really good, profound observations. And they're all very much the way a kid would think. And you have this idea about what if people were like trees and that they just kept getting taller as they got older. And I'd be walking down the street as an eight year, seven year old boy, and I'd see an 80-year-old woman and she's 45 feet tall.

47:08And you have this conversation with her and I'm just tickled. And then there's so many sweet things that happen in it. And it's very, it's almost also has some sort of a James Joyce quality because it's all happening, very constrained period of time. But also the time is infinite because if you're daydreaming, a billion things can happen in 45 minutes. Yeah, he's in the class and he's thinking, he's daydreaming, He's thinking about dreams he's had. He's thinking about experiences that he really, he's thinking of memories. And it all is in one day. In the class, it's great that you like it so much.

47:48I love it. How much of it is you? Or do you not want to say? A lot of it. A lot of it. I think you can't write anything be completely made up. You know, all my, see, the thing is, when I was writing it on Twitter, I wrote like half a page on there. Then I stopped, and then I didn't write it for like a year. And then I thought, I should keep writing it and just keep going. But I didn't put it on Twitter, so I just kept going. And the jokes I do are like, creatively, it's like going through a narrow window. A couple sentences, two, three sentences, and hopefully the audience laughs. You know, da-na-na-na-na-na, da-na-na-na-na.

48:27Okay, and I'm not complaining, I'm just describing it. But I had a lot of things in my mind that wouldn't go through that window. It'd just be a two-couple-liner joke. So I essentially used Harold's head. It's like I put a funnel on his head. And I poured into that funnel everything I think about being alive. You know, religion, war, and authority, and the universe, and is there a god? And, you know, that's all the way through there. That's repeated all the way through the book. is God willing if there's a God, you know, I hope God, if there's a God. So you're constantly questioning that throughout.

49:06When I first started writing it, I realized there was no story. And then I thought, I can't keep this, there's no story. And then I thought, I don't know. So I stopped for a year. I thought, I don't know how to write a story. I don't know how. And then I thought, a year later, I thought, so what? I want to just write it anyway. So it's not like this happened and then this happened and then he did. And then because of that, so I just accepted that I didn't know how to write a story. So I just, that's just went. The other thing I love is Harold's voice, very much like your voice, but I imagine you as a kid.

49:41But there's a great thing where his teacher is prominent because she's running the class the whole time. Harold is thinking all these incredible things and having these journeys in his mind. And every now and at one point, he remembers the time that she came up and looked at what he was drawing, what Harold was drawing and said, that's really beautifully done. You did a really good job here, Harold. And he said, how dare you judge me?

50:09Because even flattery is a judgment. It's a judgment. It's a judgment. And it's just packed with those things. So I hope you write more, but if all you wrote was this, that is plenty because it is fantastic. It's really good. Thank you so much. And you're such a great, inspirational, and fascinating person to talk to and laugh with that I hope you come back. I would love to. You're one of those people who needs to come back. I would love it. And we can have more competing analogies. More soup analogies. Or we can maybe change it to, you know, our brains are like crackers. And yours is a dry Dutch cracker that's got a high seed count.

50:50It's very good for your bowels. your bowels and i'm but i'm like this rich savory buttery cracker i noticed that all yours are always oh they're good better than mine oh yeah i see a pattern yeah there's a pattern here yeah i think you are one of the fastest incredible comedy minds ever that's what i would say to people what is it like going on there i said you know what i say something i think hope it's funny but if it's not it doesn't matter because you're like a laser. It's incredible. Really incredible. Coming from you that's huge. Yes I mean that. It's unbelievable. I get to feel good about myself for an hour.

51:32No coming there's no higher praise I could get than a compliment from you. So seriously we all owe you. I mean we all but you changed everything for so many of us. lucky that you came along. We really are. I know as you say, it's a quirk, it's an accident, but you also, um, and, and I do think I give it up for quirks and accidents, but there's also, uh, integrity and hard work and being a good person. And those things aren't quirks. So that makes it all wonderful. So thank you. Thank you very much. Let's never, let's never speak again. All right.

52:13all right thank you very much steven right having me

52:22i just had a fascinating experience uh i was on a work trip and i was in a country i'd never been to before thailand i was in bangkok and uh doing some work there more on that later um but it was fascinating and uh i sent you a little message mr gorley yeah um i know you're a bond fan and at one point i'm at the floating market uh in in bangkok where you can get on a boat and go from market to market and buy your wares your souvenirs and then go on to the next market it's this really famous venue i had forgotten this but someone it might have been aaron blair was with me because we always travel together as lovers.

53:10That's true. Yeah. So I don't have to pay you also. That's also right. It's just a relationship. So I'll have a relationship with people just so I don't have to pay them. No money exchange hands, but a lot of other stuff exchange. Okay, all right. You do pay him. Yes, she's my lover. Oh, oh. No one's going to voluntarily lay with this old bag of bones. So anyway, this took a, I don't know. Why did you do that? No, why did I do it? He's the one that said yes. Wait a minute. Now we're really, so here's the point, which is Blay mentioned, oh, this would make Gourley jealous. And before he even said anything else, I was elated because I didn't know what Blay was talking about, but I was immediately happy that there was a way that you could be unhappy.

53:50And he said, this is where they shot the Bond, a famous sequence in the James Bond film, Man with the Golden Gun. And then I remembered, oh, right, Roger Moore is driving through the market and he's being chased and i immediately remembered that so i made a video and it must have been like three in there or four in the morning here in los angeles uh it was midday bangkok and i sent it to you and um i hope you took that video in the spirit in which it was meant well first let me clear something up i'm not really a james bond fan oh oh james bond Oh my God, you're wearing a shirt that says James Bond will return.

54:33And second of all. Did you know we were talking about this today? Wait a minute, wait a minute. You didn't know we were talking about this today? You have a lot of James Bond clothes. Wait a minute. You're just wearing a James Bond shirt underneath your sweatshirt, and you happen to be wearing that when we brought this up. That's true. That's sick. You're a sick person. You're a sick person. Do you feel better or worse about doing this now? I just feel like you need a pity. You shouldn't have a family. Oh my God. I just think your family should be, I think social services should come by and take both your child and your wife away, which they rarely do.

55:08They usually just take the child, but at this point, I think they should take both away. Yeah. All right, so you're, I didn't, wow, that blows my mind that you. That's right, you didn't know what I was gonna talk about. I mean, I'm not even gonna justify it. Nevermind. So I sent you a video. Yeah. And how did you feel when you got the video? Well. Do you wanna listen to it? Yeah, let's play it here. I have it. Hey Matt, Conan here. I am here at the floating market in Bangkok. This is where they shot that iconic scenes in Man with a Golden Gun. And I know that this is on your bucket list. I just wanted you to know I got here first.

55:42Psych! Now, the biggest issue I take... Psych! Do you understand the meaning of the word psych? So were you or were you not there? Oh, you mean like... You blew it. I blew it. So you mean psych should have meant I fooled you. I'm not really there. Yeah, you're at like Venice, California. Well, guess what? No, it does still make sense because I don't think I was at the exact location. I think the exact location was about 100 yards away. This is a very infamous scene in Bond history because Roger Moore is in a little boat chase and a little Thai boy comes up to sell him something and he facepalms him and shoves him in the water.

56:21What an asshole. I know, yeah. And this is Roger Moore's - Roger Moore, who's typically the kind of friendly Bond. Right, he's the Bond that used hairspray. And a lot of it. A lot of it. Yeah. Yeah. So, yes, that's I remember that scene, him shoving a little boy into the water. Yeah. But yeah, I just wanted you to know that I got there first. You know what's worse? I've been to Thailand and I didn't even get to see that. Really? Yeah. Did you know that? Yeah, I just was tired. It was hot. It was so hot. How tired do you have to be to not go to a Bond locale? You know what? The only thing that beats me is heat.

56:55If it's hot out and humid, I don't want to go do it. It was record setting heat when I was there. And I could tell because the Thai people, I'd be walking down the street and the Thai people were walking up to me going, Jesus, it's hot. This is freaking hot. And I said like, so you're, I'm a native. Yes, I've lived here my entire life. Good God. And yeah. Did you go to the pee pee island? No. I know that sounds like a setup to a joke, but it's that. Well, a setup for a joke you would do, but not a joke. How about Poopy Flats? Nope, didn't go there either. Okay. That's where the beautiful islands stick out of the water.

57:32And that's from the end of that movie, where Dylan's lair is. I did not go down to the islands. No, did not go there. Shot almost exclusively in and around Bangkok, which is fascinating. It's a fascinating place. Loved it. Food was extraordinary. People are lovely. And we shot some stuff there that I think people are going to really like. Happy about that. but I mostly, I've been battling, I think I got back two days ago. I had no problem with the flight from LA, flew from LA to Hong Kong and then to Thailand. No jet lag, nothing. Just got right to work. Landed in the morning, got right to work and we were there for about nine days.

58:13Then came back Hong Kong to LA and my heart hasn't functioned properly. I have just been, my body's completely screwed up. Completely screwed up and my mind doesn't work. And I think I'm capable of any crime right now. I think that's because when you get to Thailand, you're like, oh, it's time to shoot. And then it's like your adrenaline. Because you've seen me in action. I've seen you. It's not like you're going to be like, I need a nap first. You're like, let's get the camera. Let's go. But when you come back here, you don't shoot anything. There's just a wife and a son. And you're like, what's this all about?

58:48Who should have their family taken away from them? They've called. they've called social services they're constantly calling social services I don't think it has anything to do with the time change or the flight I think it has to do with the camera pointed at your face it is true I was doing all this stuff that I can only do when a camera's pointed at me I was doing all these stunts and things and people were saying hey you're kind of old you shouldn't be like I'm fine roll that camera we just shot him in the chest and he seems fine shoot me again so we get it from the other angle set me up to use the word psych Yeah.

59:23Teach me how to use that word. I will say we did, and we put a picture out on social media of you kickboxing. It's Muay Thai. Muay Thai. Muay Thai kickboxing. And I should mention that although it was covered, it was completely outside. Yes. And every day we would look at the temperature and it would say 94 feels like 108. I'm not exaggerating. That's what it said. And so this day. With the humidity. That's wet. Because of the humidity, it's 108. And it's a wet. And we did a shoot, and I was just trying to get out of the way and was out of breath and sweating through my clothes. You were literally jumping and kicking.

1:00:04It was insane. Yeah, and I'm fueled by a terrible hole in the middle of my soul that just powers me on. I know. But, no, I did. That was really fun. we did all this stuff that I really enjoyed but it was I mean a highlight was getting to a Bond site before you and now I'm determined to go and visit all the Bond sites I can without you it's on without you without you no no no you got a lot to catch up on I've been to a lot of them first of all I'm going to hire a cinematographer to study those scenes and prove to you that you weren't in the exact right place I'm going to spend a great deal of money and then I am going to go to all the exact correct places and I'll get the permission of the Roger Moore estate to examine all the documents necessary.

1:00:53Remember he died on my birthday? No, I don't remember that. I remember. I don't, I, you leave my mind the minute I leave the studio. I don't doubt that. I don't doubt that. Remember he died on my birthday. Well, I only say that not because I expect you to remember that, but because when I said that before, you hit me so hard, you really hit me over the head with that fact. Yeah. So I thought maybe it did make an impression. No, no. Okay, great. I think the way for him to be nice to you is if you just came with a handheld camera. Matt, I think if you donated, if you were proven to be an exact perfect match for my bone marrow and you saved my life by going through an excruciating procedure, I would quickly forget about it.

1:01:32Oh, I would also never do that. No, no, no. You understand. I would hire people to hold you down and we would extract the bone marrow using simple gardening tools. There's nothing you can do about it. I drink a lot of Drano that would then osmosize into my bone marrow. Drano, as bad as it is for your body, really does enhance bone marrow production. Really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, you've got me there, you evil genius. I say petting a cat. All right. Well, if you want to see a Bond site, write in. Write in. Write in. And Gorley will tell you if he's been there or not. Psych. Psych. Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

1:02:12with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

1:02:51Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

1:03:12you