Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 3 Episode 1

0:00This special episode of Summer S'mores is presented by Solo Stove. Solo Stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Trust us, once you've sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Go check them out at solostove.com. Use promo code Conan to get$10 off your new pit. Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chumps. A six-part series with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsassian, and Matt Gorley. Let's get started. Hello there, fans. Welcome. Welcome. I said that with such bitterness. Hello there, fans. Welcome to Summer S'mores, another installment of Summer S'mores.

0:40And I say, I think I said fans because I think this is one for the real hardcore fans. Because I'm not trying to shoo anyone else away. I invite you to experience this, but this is kind of something special we do around this time of year. And it's taken on a life of its own. Matt, refresh my memory. How did this all get started in your opinion? Well, the first year of this podcast, we did a special summer series with Dana Carvey called Deep Dive with Dana Carvey. Then the next year, at this point, we had already had an argument about s'mores and Conan and I were absolutely correct in that they're an overrated dessert.

1:17And Sona, you did your best to defend an indefensible situation. Yeah, that s'mores were something people actually liked. Two dry shingles with some tasteless goo jammed in between. Tasteless goo is marshmallow and chocolate. Two of the greatest desserts. Okay, but that's not the point. Usually a very inferior grade of chocolate. But anyway, that's okay. Then we did a summer series where we debated that. Right. And then... And that took off. And guess what? The overwhelming consensus online was that we were correct. No, you don't check online. What are you doing? I went online earlier today. Isn't that that abacus?

1:52Yes. You don't read stuff about the show. It's not like you're looking at comments. I've got my finger on the pulse. He has people for that. I have people for that. I have three AI bots that tell me what's going on. You don't know what to do with AI bots. They also make my scrambled eggs in the morning. Oh, wait, that's my servant, Worcestershire. Matt, and then because we called it Summer S'mores, we decided let's do one. Because we were debating Summer S'mores so much, we decided let's do one in your backyard. Field testing. Field testing. We took a year off from the pandemic, then we did that.

2:28We took a year off from the pandemic. Well, you took a year off. I did my best to create a cure. I worked very hard with various scientists. I'm not aware of a cure. It turns out I'm not a medical professional. Right, right. We could have told you that. Everybody could have told you that. I wish someone had. I went and bought a lab coat at a Halloween store and said, let me in here. I can fix this COVID. You put on your doctor voice and they still didn't think you were. Well, that's not my doctor voice. That's my newsman voice. And that was one of the problems. Can I hear your doctor voice real quick?

2:59I kept throwing to traffic and weather. My doctor voice is, hmm, yeah. Yeah. Hard to believe no one would trust that guy. Yes, COVID is, hmm. Yes, hmm. I'll need my microscope and my various, hmm, implements. So we took some time off. Or you did. I worked hard to save us all. I did, I think in my own way. And then we went into your backyard and we had a cookout and we made some s'mores so that we could really test whether or not we liked them or not. I thought, again, these were perfectly normal s'mores made the way most people make s'mores. My opinion did not change. I didn't find them to be tasty at all.

3:42What about you, man? No, if anything, it was reinforced and it was decisive. Yeah, decisive. It was just awful. Sona, did you like the s'mores we had? Loved them. I could have had 40. Right. Can I just say one thing? This disqualifies you a little bit, which is after you ate the last s'more, I heard you saying, yum, yum, yum, this is good too. And I looked over and you were chewing on a rock that you had found at the base of an oak tree. Yeah, and you also had a bowl of our garden mulch at one point. Oh, did I? You said, this is also good. And then you said, yummy, yummy, yummy, what good pasta?

4:11You were eating a garden hose. Oh, I didn't know you two were like food critics. You also chewed through the wall of my house. You have such advanced palates, you two. Look at you two with your cuisines. It's a good thing. You chewed through Gorley's wall. It's a good thing he had that glue trap. Because. It's the best way to catch a rat. It's with a glue trap. Anyway. I hate this so far. Well, listen. It's going to get a lot better. But then, for you, much worse. Okay. So we did that last. And people seemed to really enjoy that. We were really outside. We loved it. And then we were thinking, what do we do this summer?

4:46Since the s'mores debate's been settled, We didn't need to cover that anymore. We didn't need to cover that anymore, but let's say we wanted to move on from s'mores. We did. Yeah, we did. Okay. We did want to move on from s'mores. Very good. Sona, speech champion. And you've moved on from the English language. Oh, see. National s'mores champion. You moved on from enunciating. But anyway, we decided let's try something a little different this year. And the first decision we made, which I think is going to work out, we haven't done it yet, but what we're going to do is we have this very nice facility here in the Larchmont area of Los Angeles, where we do our podcasting, there's editing facilities, it's a great place to hang, guests that come on the show really like to be here.

5:28And we have an outdoor area that's quite lovely. And so we thought, what if we do it here, outdoors at night, and record it over several sessions, and maybe switch it up a little bit, but try and recapture some of that magic from last summer. So what do you think, Matt? Do you think this is going to be a good idea i think it's a great idea the um the outdoor deck is just literally right outside this door it's beautiful it's when you say this door of course this is an audio medium let me tell the people he's gesturing to a door right here in the studio i think the words this door imply that there is a door yeah there are hinges and it opens and there is a knob and you walk through it and it enter you enter another area with what a door is oh i'm quite familiar with what a door is yes and i'll be escorting you through one in about five minutes it goes there's a door in the studio that goes right to this very nice just said that well in this studio yes can i ask will matt be making drinks this time because last year everyone got a well everyone minus conan i was i was i showed a lot of moderation last year teetotaler well not a teetotaler but i i'm a professional i am i'm a professional and uh last year last year Matt what did you make last year?

6:46It was amazing Last year I made the chilled chum Yeah and tell us what it was It was bourbon pomegranate juice ginger beer I think maybe a little lemon and then as you put it pulverized mouse hearts but they were mottled strawberries There was little chunks of what looked like shredded mice hearts in there but I don't care what it was it was delicious Yeah It was very good I now here's what I'm going to say I don't go too crazy so I took it slow. You got yourself, I would say you got yourself into a happy place, but you weren't out of control. Good and tight. Sona, I'm going to say this. You don't even have to have that much.

7:24No. And you get wasted. And I remember this from the years and years of us touring, doing shows in other cities, traveling around. If we ever hit a bar, you would have one glass of white wine. That was it. And you'd be making out with a parking meter. Okay. Making out with a parking... No, I would... I'm talking about a very good-looking parking meter. Oh, okay, then, yeah. Obviously, I'm going to make out with a parking meter. Yeah, and my tolerance is low. It's gotten even lower because I don't drink that often now. I partake in, you know, cannabis. Cannabine. Cannabine. Weed pot. Jazz cigarettes.

8:03Weed pot. Weed pot. Jazz cigarettes. So your tolerance is even lower. So we just have to watch it this year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be much more responsible than I was last year. I can't wait. Possibly. Let's just see what happens. I will. I'm going to, what's the word? Moderate? You don't even know the word. I'm going to like - It's not in your dictionary. Case myself. Have you done some pre-gaming? No, I wish I did. So I'm looking forward to it and we're going to hang out. And I don't know what, we're not going to do s'mores this year. No, but we've got really big plans. A for a drink, but more importantly, the treat this year is pizza.

8:42Oh my God. Pizza is my absolute kryptonite. And I have said this many times for my final meal, because eventually we all know I'm going to be put on death row for something. And they're going to say, what are your final meal? And I'm always reading people's final meals. And it's always like, I want a cheeseburger. And it's like, what I want is I want a really good margarita pizza made in a wood fired oven. The prison is going to be, I'm not sure they can accommodate me. I know, that's a big thing, Tad. Well, Sona, as my assistant, as my assistant, you're going to really have to be into it with the prison system.

9:14Oh, man. But I want a wood-fired margarita pizza that's really good, and I want a very good Pinot Noir, and I think the combination of a very good pizza and some red wine is heaven. I cannot wait for the prison guards to just laugh you all the way to the electric chair. Pinot Noir, he says. This guy wanted Pinot Noir, and I'll be all the way they're dragging me to the gas chamber I'll be saying I guess it's not gas chamber anymore it's a lethal injection yeah this guy thinks he's being executed the four seasons this guy this guy over here now fellows not so rough father father pot hair we'll call and straighten everything out um Corley and I will be injecting you by the way you guys will be shooting at me as I'm being taken to the room where I'm lethally injected you know how Shooting gallery or shooting, what are you, firing squad.

10:09They give one person live rounds and everybody else has blanks so that no one has the guilt. But you and I, it's like. It's the other way around. Everyone has live rounds except for one person. Thanks, doctor. Is that true? Yes. So no one has the guilt? Yeah, that's what they do. Yeah. But what I'm saying is if they gave everybody blanks and one guy a real bullet, you probably wouldn't kill the person. Okay, let me take it again. No, no, no. I like. No, no, no. We're not taking that again. You take things again all the time. Never have and never will. When your name's on the show, you get hit away with murder until you're sent to death row.

10:43The point is, Sona and I will refuse blanks. We both want to know that we've got live rounds. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you'll know. Summer S'mores series is back. Each year, we gather around a solo stove fire pit. This year, a solo stove sent us the bonfire, designed to put out some serious heat without putting off that dirty S word. You know what I'm talking about? Smoke! Oh, that word. That's right. The Solo Stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Trust us. Once you've sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Solo Stove has multiple different colors.

11:17They're portable. So you can take it with you into a back country, the beach, anywhere you want to go. It's pretty incredible. Looks good, works great. Plus, it has a lifetime warranty, which means we could do 150 seasons of this show and it would still last. Now, people would grow tired of us. that's for sure yeah but the stove would keep cooking go check them out at solastove.com and use promo code Conan to get ten dollars off your new fire pit

11:53anyway I love that I love that it's pizza and what drink do you think you'll do this I want it to be a surprise you thinking about it no I'll surprise you I've already got it figured out. I do want to say this about the pizza. My dear sister-in-law, Sarah, is doing something very special that we will see. And also my wife is doing a substitute campfire dessert that I think blows s'mores out of the water. Okay. Yeah. I want to say, I love your wife. That's a pretty low bar because I think anything blows s'mores out of the water. And I think these are probably just above s'mores. I think an army boot marinated in kerosene blow s'mores out of the water.

12:31But that's me. Just think that you two are the most un-American people I've ever met in my entire life. Because I think that - You were born in Armenia. No, I wasn't. Oh, please. Stop saying it. Let's see your papers. You think I'm carrying around my - I want your papers! Papers, please. Your papers, please. Oh, my God. So there are going to be no celebrities interviews with us. What? What are you talking about? Chill Chums. It's just the three of us. You know what? Yeah. So no one's going to be here? No, like, celebrities? Well, first of all, I've had a little bit of experience in the celebrity world.

13:06Oh. Having looked at one every time I check out a mirror. Aw, boo! Yay, yay. Oh, my God. Cut to huge footage. Wow. Chickertape parade. Lindbergh's triumphant return to New York. The Beatles at Shea Stadium. This is incredible. What the hell? Can you cut to footage in a podcast? I don't think so. Anyway. Look at the door. The door. The door is the only way out and only one of us is getting through it. I would say, having some experience discussing things with celebrities, none of them would want to show up for this. Not true. Not true. You think Jeff Goldblum wouldn't be in our hair in a heartbeat?

13:44Well, if we put a piano out. That'd be even better if he's tinkling the ivories during this, like, tinkly? Tinkling. Is that what they say? That means urinating on a piano. Tickling is what it is. No, my plan is for Jeff Goldblum to urinate on a piano. To tinkle on the ivories. I bet you anything he'll play a beautiful melody with the stream of his urine. Terrific. Looking forward to that. Tinkling. Everybody, it's time for me to... Tinkle on the old ivories. Mmm, yes. Trolling. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. No, we're not going to... And I don't want to create false expectations. There will be no Jeff Goldblum.

14:19No. There will be no celebrities because I think the star is the magical chemistry of the solo stove campfire unit. Oh, that's right. Did we mention that? We don't have to. He was going to say something nice about us, and you busted in with the... Oh, I thought he was going to brag about himself. Oh. I'm sorry. Keep going. The chemistry, what you were going to say, the chemistry between what? I think we have a good chemistry, and I think we're going to get together, and we're going to have some spirits, and we're going to eat some delicious pizza, and we're going to see what happens. And I have a feeling it's going to be a lot of fun.

14:46Yeah. I really believe that in my heart. Yeah. Hmm. I do, too. This is coming up on five years of this podcast, too, you know. Fine. In November, I believe. Is that true? Yeah. Does it feel like five years to you? Yes. It feels like 15. Yeah. No, it doesn't feel like five. Does it feel like five to you? No, it doesn't. How many episodes have we done? I don't know. I think 300 and some. Get out! 340 something? Yeah. Was it 340? Well, I think that's with the Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan episodes. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. And the summer s'mores and the deep dives and the bonus episodes. 340. I'm told six are quite good.

15:25Yeah. It's my old joke. I love it. You know, you were once considered sort of a newcomer to the industry, a carpetbagger, if you will. And now, five years in, I think it's safe to call you, you know, I wouldn't say a seasoned veteran, but maybe a veteran. Wow. Yeah. Cool. You think? There's people who have been doing this a lot longer. Yeah. Yeah. Jeff Pilser. Who? Eric McNulty. Who? Who? They've been doing this for a long time. Who are these people? Exactly. my point that was a good one you can't say that was a good one to make the joke good first episode of Summer S'mores and you're drawing a breast headed creature what is it what is going on here I don't know I'm just drawing of this creature and he's wearing a loose fitting linen jacket I'm still stuck on your last meal because I think that can just be any meal and it's very anticlimactic for me.

16:24I feel like I would choose a lot of different foods I like. No, no, no. I just wanted to keep it very simple. But it's your last meal. You don't want any fried chicken. You can put on all the calories. You're going to die anyway. Everyone always asks for fried chicken. But I don't want to go to the execution room feeling like, ugh, that heavy feeling you get. You're going to die. Who cares? You're not going to feel good anyway. You'll be so scared that your body will be in turmoil. Do you think you could even eat if you're knowing you're going to die? Oh, I will have such a good meal. It's such a good meal We'll make sure you get s'mores No Oh man I'm gonna give you s'mores I'm gonna be like They didn't have any pizzas Here's some s'mores We're gonna roast s'mores Over your crackling Electric chair body You won't have to kill me They'll be like He's dead We didn't throw We didn't throw the switch yet I know He just died What would your last meal be Sona?

17:17It's gonna be a lot of things It's gonna be like An In-N-Out cheeseburger It's gonna be Fried chicken It's gonna be lots of Like a chocolate fountain With things I could dip into it It's just gonna be like A lot of stuff That makes me happy It's clear also That you're stretching out They're gonna say It's your last meal And you're gonna stretch it out So that it's days long Yeah And then eventually The governor calls Because the state Can't afford the meal anymore And he offers He commutes your sentence Just because What? You know It's my plan A statue of Sona Made out of pate is on the way we can't afford that yeah all right commuter sentence give her three months and then release her on good behavior that's my plan i just want a lot of food from a lot of places that i like you know i want my mom to make me those lamb chops those are really good i don't know what would you do i'd do a bean and cheese burrito from super mex i do chocolate covered honeycomb from Little Flower, bourbon, Kraft macaroni and cheese, Fruity Pebbles.

18:21This sounds very much like someone trying to get free stuff. I know it does. I'd eat a Porsche 911 Carrera, the latest model. Porsche, you're killing it. And my address is 3232 Soloway, McGinty Boulevard. I'd love to snack on a DeWalt table saw, portable table saw, a round miter saw with a telescoping arm. Those are tasty. A Rivian electric truck. It'd be great to get a lot of plugs in for your last meal. Well, I'm looking forward to this. I think it's going to be great. Me too. And this will be, how many installments do you think? We're going to do six. So this will be the first. We're going to do four outside.

19:01And then we're going to do a kind of debrief final episode back in the studio after we're all done. Okay. Yeah, we're going to talk about how we behaved. So the next time people tune into this, they're going to hear us. Let me set the table for you. We will be outside here in the Larchmont area, sort of mid-Hollywood. Beautiful view of the Hollywood sign. Second floor of the wonderful Team Cocoa complex here. And we'll be cooking up some pizzas. You'll be making a special drink. Sono will not be showing any restraint. Okay. That's just my guess. And we're going to have an incredible time. We are.

19:40And we're going to really let our guard down. I guess who knows what's going to happen. Who knows? we might rekindle our friendship in a sort of romantic way. Did we unkindle it? I don't know that we ever kindled it. Oh, okay. It was never kindled in my first place. It wasn't even kindled? No. I think you guys are my friends. Well, I'm your friend for sure. Yeah. And I want to be your friend. Why the hostility, Corley? It's not hostility. I've shown you nothing but kindness. And by kindness, I mean employment. I'm sitting here just waiting to be your friend. I've always been kind to you. Parentheses.

20:11In this case, kindness is a substitute word. for employment. What? Financial exchange is taking place. You know what? I'll take it. All right. I'll see you guys next week on, really, I consider this, this is just the warm-up. Next week's the real beginning of Summer S'mores 2023. So join us, won't you? Summer S'mores with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

20:56Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.