Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 3 Episode 6

0:00This special episode of Summer S'mores is presented by Solo Stove. Solo Stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Trust us, once you've sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Go check them out at solostove.com. Use promo code Conan to get$10 off your new pit. Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums, a six-part series with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsassian, and Matt Gorley. Let's get started. Hey there, welcome to the final installment, 2023 Summer S'mores. This is kind of the postgame, the wrap-up. It's been a couple of days.

0:40We've all had time to think about our actions, to check on the police records, to view the hidden cameras. And, you know, I think of this as one of those episodes they have after a reality show is done, when they get everyone together. The reunions? The reunions. and they're all on stage. We don't look as nice. I know, but the point is we talk about how Sona lost her shit and screamed at me and then, you know, Gourley and I made out, but we didn't tell Bridget. I just made up that name. You'd be terrible on a reality show. You know what would be happening? On any reality show, I would just be, I'd want to work out and I'd want to get my sleep and I would rehydrate a lot.

1:30And the producers would keep nudging me and saying, don't you want to go over there and flirt with the girl and then have a fight with that guy? And I'd be like, nah, it seems kind of awkward. Wait, there are cameras and you're not going up against the cameras? Like you'd be so drawn to the cameras like a mock to flame. I'd be sitting at a desk working on something and then occasionally mugging at a camera and making little faces and thinking that that in any way competes with two young people doing it. Rolling around together. and I'd be like, yeah, they can roll around all they want with their fantastic naked bodies that are slightly blurred.

2:06But here I am reading Samuel Johnson's version of the dictionary and making my Groucho faces to the camera and then pausing to rehydrate before eight and a half hours of sleep. Nothing less, the doctor says.

2:25Oh, no. And then finally at some point they would convince someone to come up to me and go like, Hey, Conan, do you want to make out? I'd rather not. Cooties. I wear a wedding ring. This is my bond, my betrothed. Back to my Samuel Johnson. Anyway, let's get into it. Yeah. Do you want to recap, Gorley? I thought it was, first of all, I thought, I want to say a couple of things. I thought the pizza was delicious. The drinks were amazing. Thank you. Quite potent. want to talk about give us your blow by blow well I think they were maybe I don't know if they were stronger this year or I was more susceptible but I got a little sloppier this year than last time I think I got fucked up yeah you did yeah I did yeah but it was nice I really like that Sona I like all Sonas but that one you don't have a bad drink personality where some people like demons come out Conan would disagree no no you're very nice and friendly when you imbibe a sweetness.

3:29There's a sweet person there. But don't we, we've had, we've like fought. Like I've gone after you. Well, yeah, physically. You physically attack. Not often. Sort of like any animal when threatened. No, you have, but I don't think so. I think you're actually very, very nice. I think most of the times that you and I have had a real argument or I've seen you lose your temper, alcohol wasn't involved at all. You might be right. It's just, you know, you see red when you see red and then you don't contain yourself. And mostly I've seen you go after other people, not me, which is fun. I like it when it's not me.

4:08Oh, no, you don't. You get embarrassed because you're there with me. I just distance myself very quickly and I say, what can you do? She has rabies. She was bit by a very sick rabbit last week. I drove here but did not drive back. That's how that's that's where I was. I took a I took a lift home. Yeah. Well, I thought because we're all going to be sampling ahead of time. I mean, I made the plan to get a lift here and then get a lift home. So I just knew that because I'd be having some alcohol, like let's not even mess with that here. I'm responsible. Well, I'm sorry. But yeah, I didn't leave my car here.

4:46Wait, so you're saying that you, you're saying, Sona, that you thought there's a chance that you might not drink? Yeah, I really. That's bullshit. I legitimately thought I would be okay, especially since we were eating pizza. That's like Sid Vicious saying, I think I'll be all right. Come on. I'll be fine. You know what's hilarious? I rode in with Sona knowing exactly that I could get a ride home from my wife who was coming in. Yes. I'm not driving home. There's no way. And Sona was my ride in. Did you leave your car here? I did. Yeah. Yeah, and I was prepared for a ticket. But that's how I did it when I was younger.

5:19I would drive somewhere, leave my car there, and come. I've had my car towed three times. Right. Like, that's just part of the world. You just... I love that you could have that kind of reckless abandon. Yeah. You probably, if you had to, you would leave your car somewhere. Yeah, now, but when I was younger, I would have been worried about it being towed. Oh, but if it's towed, you just find out where it's towed, and then you get it back. You make it sound so reasonable. And you make it sound enjoyable. That's the worst I've had to do that. It's not enjoyable. Just leave your car places. And then they tow it and you find out where it was towed.

5:52Did your car get towed or ticketed? Today? I mean, no, no, it didn't. I got, it was fine. When I came back, it was fine. Wow. Yeah, I know. I lucked out. But it's been, there have been times when it's gotten towed where crazy soda came out and I would, you know, yell at people. But it, you know, it didn't work. So I think we can all admit that we, first of all, I'll say that those drinks are very deceptive because you don't think you're drinking alcohol because it's rum based. It's, it's got a, it's a little deceptive, you know, it's so friendly. You feel like you're just sipping on a nice fruity drink.

6:26It's so smooth. And then, uh, the next thing you know, you're wearing your pants on your head and that's, you know, I think I had no joke. I had five. Oh my God. Really? Wow. Okay. I had a lot. Yeah. It was tasty. I ate a lot of pizza. I did too. I don't know faces. You know, I actually am more embarrassed about my pizza consumption because I am a Tasmanian devil when it comes to pizza. And you've seen this, Sona. But what happened was, so they bring out the pizzas and we all, we don't even have to eat them all. But I. No, they were meant to be just kind of display pieces. Displayed. The face ones.

7:04I inhaled mine. And then I was looking around like a feral animal to see if anyone else had extra pizza. So, but then do you remember they made these experimental pizzas? They were just sort of supposed to be a joke. Meaning here's one that looks like Conan's face. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. No, no. I'm talking about the first one. Yeah. The first one for us to eat. Yeah. But like, you don't have to eat the whole thing. I inhaled that. I just basically thought this is a communion wafer. Yeah. I'm going to shove this whole thing in my mouth and it's the body and blood of Christ. And down we go.

7:34But then they brought out these display ones, which we weren't even supposed to eat. And I noticed at one point you guys are chatting and I'm realizing I haven't been talking for a while. And my name is on the podcast. And it's because I'm forcing the display pizza into my esophagus, not even chewing it. I'm just shoving it down. There was a point at which we had stopped recording. We're like, OK, so we could take these. And you're like, no. And you wouldn't let us take the pizza away. No, I was like, because I admit my drug is a carb. That's the thing. It really is. Like, I admit I have no self-control.

8:16So I think I can have self-control around all kinds of substances that other people have problems with. But if it's a pizza, it doesn't even have to be a particularly good one. To that point, these display pizzas had disproportionate toppings so that they could make our faces. So some of them would have like a pound of pepperoni on them or all sliced cheese. Mine had buttons from overcoats, Korean War, Siemens jackets. And I was just I didn't care. I was just making it go. It's go into stomach, you know, get in my belly. Yours had mushrooms, which you I don't even eat mushrooms. And I was shoving them down my face.

8:57And at one point, Blay goes to take them away from me. and I'm like, don't touch the precious. Precious. Blaze wants the precious. And then did you see me? I was wearing just a loincloth, and I grabbed my half pizza, and I scuttled through some caves over some wet rocks, and I have just a few hairs on my head combed over strategically. Blaze wants the precious. But Conan has the precious. And I was inhaling it. And I'm like Cookie Monster where, the thing I've always been amazed with Cookie Monster is most of the cookie isn't going in. Well, it's a puppet. It's a puppet. And so, I know. But I love that he's just, the cookie just flying.

9:46I hate to break it to you. It's just flying. Yeah. And there's, you know, they could have given Cookie Monster a tiny, a tiny orifice in there. No. They could have given him something. No. But no. Cookies just bouncing off left and right. You were like a wood chipper where it goes. Yeah. No, and I went home and felt in the morning, it wasn't like a hangover. It was deep shame about the way I behaved around the pizzas. And, you know, I do, Sona, you will attest that I try, like I have a spinach shake that I make in the morning. You do. I think generally speaking, you're a very healthy person. I'm a very healthy person.

10:28But when I go off, I don't go slightly off the rails. When it's time for me to go rogue, it's pure insanity. So this wasn't planned because I've been trying to be healthy, too. And I knew on this day, all bets were off. I was going to have as much I wanted to drink and as much pizza as I wanted because that's just that's the circumstance. You came in. He was also buzzed. Oh, yeah. I mean, when you're buzzed, right? Yeah, that's true. He's also acting. And during these episodes, too, is acting like he wasn't, you know, affected by the drink. and you were slurring your speech more than I think you would care to admit.

11:00I mean, first of all, you're about to apologize, but I had had a major cerebral event earlier in the day. Yeah, major, major cerebral, a major brain bleed. Unfortunately, we took care of it. I waited a couple of days, which is always the best thing to do when you're having - Just wait a few days. Wait a few days and then see a neurologist. Rub some grass. No, no, I had, I wouldn't say I got crazy, but I, yeah, I had some rum. I had some rum, but I think I was more filled with shame about the pizza. Summer S'mores series is back. Each year we gather around a Solo Stowe fire pit. It's kind of nice.

11:41Love you guys. I love you too. I'm okay. I know. Matt and I love each other, so it's just okay. This year Solo Stowe sent us the bonfire. It's designed to put out some serious heat without putting off that dirty S word. You know what I'm talking about. Smoke. Yeah. Here's what I gotta tell you. The solo stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Once you set around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Guys, correct me if I'm wrong. I've sat around some fires in my day, okay? Smoke gets in my eyes. I start crying. People think I'm having an emotional breakdown.

12:19I'm taken away and put into an institution. There's no smoke here. We've got a nice fire. We got some heat, but no smoke. That's why we know you're crying is actually just emotional. Exactly. Yes. I'm crying because I'm with two people I love very much. Oh, wait, who's here? It's us. Oh, it's me. Oh, wait, sorry, my glasses weren't on. Anyway, SoloStove has multiple different colors that are portable, so you can take it into the back country. You can go to the beach. You can go up to the top of a mountain. You go into a deep cave. It looks good. It works great. Plus, it has a lifetime warranty, which means we could do easily.

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13:22So did you come into that night thinking you weren't going to drink that much and you weren't going to eat that much? Or what was your plan? Yeah, I think I thought I'll nibble a bit. And then what happens is... You really... No, you didn't think that. I did. I did think... You thought, oh, I'm going to stop myself. Yeah, I did. I know. I don't know me. It's like there's certain food. I know if it's put in front of you, you blank out and then it's just... There's crumbs everywhere. You do that with popcorn. Yeah. Oh, my God. Cheese popcorn. Yeah. If people want to know my true weakness, a very good cheese popcorn.

13:56Yeah. It's all inhibitions go. And it's scary. But I've always been this way about cheese popcorn. And anyone who knows me well, like my brothers and sisters know that if they wanted me to, in other words, sometimes very rarely, but you've heard about bank robbers will kidnap someone and will strap a bomb to his chest and they'll say you have to go in and rob that bank. And it's like, oh my God, this is so evil. But the person has no choice. if they let me have a little bit of cheese popcorn from a bag and then took it away. And I said, I need, give me the rest. And they would say, we'll give you the rest, but you have to go into that city bank and rob it.

14:36And the note I would pass would be, they have the rest of my cheese popcorn. And the teller would be saying, what? I'd be pointing at the note. I have the rest of my cheese popcorn. I got to have a quarter of the bag, but there's still three quarters of the bag. And they've put a clip on it to keep it from drying out. The bank is right next to a popcorn. Yeah, and then I'm just, they're like, well, what's the big deal? We have cheese pop? No, it's the really good, it's that kind from Chicago that's really has extra cheddar on it, real cheddar. And I have multiple notes. I keep handing them more notes.

15:14None of which are I'm robbing your bank. No, well then finally there's one. They're like, sir, what is the point of all these? You have nine notes here about how you want this cheese popcorn. Are you making a deposit or withdrawal? What are we doing here? Oh, I'm sorry. Here's this note. Note number 75. Give me money. No, we're not giving you money. What do we care if you get your cheese popcorn or not? And then I have a note that you see I quickly scribbled that just says I have bomb on chest. And they're like, nope. No, you don't. We saw you just write that. And you're just wearing a t-shirt.

15:52There's clearly nothing on it except cheese dust.

16:00So, sir, please leave the bank. Then I'm back there. I tried. Where's the popcorn? You don't get the popcorn. You failed in your mission. It's all notes. You don't say a word? I go in with lots of notes. Lots of notes. You anticipated what she was going to say. I can't even. Oh, my God. I can't even. I can't even. That's so your generation. Oh, that's so your generation. So your generation. What's yours? It's groovy. That's true. That's right. You guys are both idiot generations. I'm in my late 70s, and everything's groovy. You dumb millennials and boomers. You're stupid. It's radical, man. My generation is crank up the oingo boingo.

16:52It's time to lose it. My generation is more synthesizer. More fake drums. If they had used real drums on Betty Davis' eyes, it would suck.

17:08Hey, my mom went to high school with Kim Carnes. Is that true? Yeah. Who's that? You're kidding. She sang Betty Davis' eyes. Betty Davis' eyes. I thought that was Rod Stewart. What? That's a woman. No. it's Kim Carnes hold on what song am I thinking of he's atrocious and she knows just what it takes right she's got better to make a pro blush I talked about this with Grace Potter I thought that was Rob Stewart I talked about this with the amazing Grace Potter and she does an amazing Kim Carnes really I mean close your eyes and you think this is Kim Carnes and she says the rhyme was she's atrocious and she knows just how to make a pro blush.

17:50Wow. You're like, oh my Lord. I didn't realize there was a third rhyme in that. Yeah. Wow. Remember that parody of, she's got Marty Feldman nice. No, I don't remember that. Love Marty Feldman. Yeah. Well, we went from an obscure reference. Very cool. We did it again. Great little tangent there, guys. Sorry about that. Every now and then we like to try and shake off all our listeners. Yeah. It's like shaking a tail. I dare you to listen. It's like shaking a tail in a movie. Like, hey, did we get rid of them? And we were looking out the back window. They're following us. Okay, let's make this one.

18:23Let's make Oigo Boigo reference. Let's do this. Let's do that. Okay, we lost. There's still two on us. Okay. Kim Carnes. Okay. There's still one following us. Marty Feldman. Marty Feldman. Okay, we're in the clear. Let's go. Let's go rob that bank. Actively trying to lose up. Let me go rob that bank now with my nine notes. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend, the podcast that dares you to listen to it.

18:45People should know Marty Feldman. He was Igor in Young Frankenstein, a brilliant comedy writer who actually was quite influential and popular and a big star when the Pythons were coming up. This is good that you end an obscure reference with a lecture. Yeah. This ought to keep people. Well, I think people should know Marty Feldman. He's one of the funniest people. He is. Of all time. Okay. Have you watched Young Frankenstein? I did a long time ago and I don't remember most of the things I watched. comedy. There are very few perfect comedies and Young Frankenstein is one of them. It's really amazing.

19:21I don't remember anything I watched yesterday. Gene Wilder. Pass. Don't worry. They've colorized it. Don't worry. They've colorized it. I've watched Black and White. They've colorized it and they've added System of a Down music to it. Oh, hell yeah. Now you're in. Now I'm in. Anyone who watches it gets free Margies. Skinny Margs. well I know I did have a good time I did have shame about the way I ate and I'm embarrassed about that no judgment here man we had a lot to drink we all were buddies and we had each other's back we held each other's hair proverbially as we threw up yeah the question is next year what's it gonna be what do we do we're gonna do this again oh yeah we're going on a trip next year I am not drinking next year what yes you are Why can't we all just like take an edible?

20:18That'll be fun. Okay, we could do that. I say we take an edible or mushrooms and go to Vegas. Okay. Oh, that sounds good. And I hate Vegas. I have never. I love Vegas. I don't do edibles or mushrooms. Oh. Square. Well, I mean, tell me about mushrooms. Would that be a good experience for me? I honestly don't know. I don't know. I've never done them. I bought them once, but couldn't carve out enough time to do them. So I've never done them either. I've microdosed and it just made me nauseous. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Some people get that, but I'll do it. Oh, we could do, is Molly illegal? How about heroin?

20:56That's cool, right? We can do over-the-counter heroin. You know what I love when Sona said, I bought these drugs, but I didn't carve out the time. And I thought, I love a drug addict who's just a poor planner. And so busy. Yeah. And it's just like, you know, hey, did you get the stuff? I did. I got the stuff. I got the hair. I got the black tar heroin. Yeah. Did you get the spoon? Fuck. And I really have my taxes to do. I can't fit this in. No. And then I got to get the kids to the pool. Promise. And then I have to. Promise I get the accurate of the mechanic from my husband. Yeah. No. I still don't know what that knocking sound is.

21:31Yeah. But what about the stuff? Huh? Oh, we'll get to that later. Can we just do it later? Yeah. Just table it. Yeah. Did you get the rubber thing that ties off the. No, no, no. I figured we'd have that around the house Look, we can't do this now My mother-in-law's here in half an hour

21:53Did you fix the hole in the beanbag chair? No Beanbag chair Alright, well listen I had a good time I do enjoy you guys And I do want to say thank you To Matt Because you did a lot of the work So you made a great drink Your lovely wife helped out Yeah, Sarah and Amanda and all the crew. Sarah was a big help. There's a whole crew of people helping out. Our crew is the best crew. We truly the best. I mean, a lot of people deserve a shout out. Eduardo, you were there. Mikey, Josh for shooting the video. Chills. Chills. Oh, and the solo stove guys who made us the pizza. You know what I have to say?

22:29G and Chris, right? I know. We don't even have to mention it because it's not required, but those solo stove people that brought that pizza oven, they did an amazing job. Yeah, they did. And they were very nice. I want my pizza solo stove. DG and Chris. Is there still a solo stove here for me to take home? No, that one stings at the building. You have to go out and buy your own. No, I was promised a solo stove. That's the only reason I did this. No, no. You thought you were promised a solo stove. I did. What I told you was have another drink. Oh, okay. You misinterpreted that. Snookered again.

23:01All right. We'll see you guys next time. Hope you're enjoying your summer.

23:09That's like one of those yearbook. What is it? Like when people sign yearbooks, have a good summer. With some guilt involved. Like, I hope you like your summer. You're enjoying your summer. Assholes. Hope you're enjoying your summer with the world, the state it's in. That's what I want it to sound like. Hey, hope you're having a good time. Canada's on fire. Enjoy your summer, asshole. I've got to go rob a bank. I'll be back. Summer S'mores with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.